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3 Common Mistakes Using Family Play Therapy (And What to Do Instead) · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

• 0:02
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 0:04
  Cathi Spooner: A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
• 0:14
  Cathi Spooner: We'll explore all things play therapy.
• 0:17
  Cathi Spooner: To elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
• 0:23
  Cathi Spooner: I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
• 0:33
  Cathi Spooner: So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
• 0:47
  Cathi Spooner: Hey there.
• 0:48
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, where we talk about all things play therapy, and today we are gonna talk about three hidden things that play therapists often do, that sabotage the effectiveness of family play therapy sessions.
• 1:13
  Cathi Spooner: So.
• 1:14
  Cathi Spooner: One of the things that I've heard a lot, especially in Play Therapy Academy, and now we're kind of starting to talk about this in Elevation Circle Play Therapy, elevation Circle, which is my new kind of community focused play therapy community.
• 1:32
  Cathi Spooner: Play Therapy Academy is more of my online consultation program that gives play therapists a a solid foundation using play therapy.
• 1:44
  Cathi Spooner: This comes up a lot, and that is I go out to the waiting room and my.
• 1:51
  Cathi Spooner: Cute little client with their cute little face, and the sweetest little voice says to me, Hey, can my mom or can my dad come in or can my, my sister or my brother wants to come in?
• 2:09
  Cathi Spooner: And what do you say?
• 2:10
  Cathi Spooner: You typically say, sure, and you let them in.
• 2:14
  Cathi Spooner: And then it does not go very well because you feel awkward.
• 2:19
  Cathi Spooner: Parents typically are not sure what they're supposed to do.
• 2:22
  Cathi Spooner: They end up usually kind of watching on the sidelines, observing what's going on, and then you're feeling a little pressured.
• 2:35
  Cathi Spooner: Internally to demonstrate that plea therapy works and hope parents don't think you are doing it wrong or doing something weird, meaning like it doesn't make any sense to them and it looks odd.
• 2:51
  Cathi Spooner: And then they're wondering like all the things that go through your head thinking, what?
• 2:58
  Cathi Spooner: What did I do?
• 2:59
  Cathi Spooner: Why did I do this?
• 3:01
  Cathi Spooner: And then maybe you invite them in and somebody has a tantrum and it doesn't go very well.
• 3:09
  Cathi Spooner: Parents say something that maybe is a little awkward or not helpful 'cause they're not sure what to do and they're just doing what they do.
• 3:20
  Cathi Spooner: It can, it can feel messy.
• 3:22
  Cathi Spooner: It can feel like chaos.
• 3:25
  Cathi Spooner: A lot of times when I, when I talk with play therapists and I talk about using family play therapy in the sessions, a lot of times I'll, he, I'll see play therapists make this like panicked look on their face, or they'll kind of have that hesitant tone in their voice saying, uh, uh, all of them.
• 3:53
  Cathi Spooner: Like even the little ones is what they'll ask me.
• 3:57
  Cathi Spooner: And, and I can tell by the voice they're thinking, you want me to put all those people in one room together with all those different developmental stages?
• 4:07
  Cathi Spooner: And what if somebody has a tantrum or, or what if somebody doesn't involve?
• 4:12
  Cathi Spooner: It'll feel like chaos.
• 4:14
  Cathi Spooner: And it can, that's the thing that's, that's the fear.
• 4:17
  Cathi Spooner: It can feel like chaos.
• 4:20
  Cathi Spooner: So.
• 4:23
  Cathi Spooner: Is that necessarily a, a bad thing when families show up with their family patterns in the playroom?
• 4:36
  Cathi Spooner: It can be if you're not doing some of the things that I'm gonna talk about today.
• 4:44
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe you are doing some of the things that I'm gonna talk about today that are the things that tend to sabotage success with it.
• 4:52
  Cathi Spooner: But maybe you also know parents are an important part of their child's play, therapy treatment, and you're not sure how to involve them, or you're having a hard time getting them to be involved, having.
• 5:09
  Cathi Spooner: Having a structure, setting expectations, using a specific play therapy model can help you overcome some of those challenges and really get some deeper healing because you have at least parents or family members as active participants in the play therapy process.
• 5:36
  Cathi Spooner: And there are three things that I typically see as I'm consulting with plea therapists.
• 5:44
  Cathi Spooner: There are three things that I typically see tend to sabotage the effectiveness and, and make you think, well, it's not any good.
• 5:50
  Cathi Spooner: Or Maybe I'm a terrible plea therapist and I don't know what I'm doing, and parents just realize that I'm a terrible play therapist, which they probably did not.
• 6:01
  Cathi Spooner: So let's talk about that.
• 6:02
  Cathi Spooner: Let's.
• 6:03
  Cathi Spooner: Let's stop white knuckling it through those family play therapy sessions and let's start making them a lot more effective.
• 6:11
  Cathi Spooner: But first, to do that, I wanna talk about some things that will set you up for failure if you're not.
• 6:20
  Cathi Spooner: Identifying these and making some changes with these, and I'll talk a little bit about why they will sabotage the effectiveness.
• 6:30
  Cathi Spooner: So that is what we are gonna talk about today.
• 6:34
  Cathi Spooner: The today's topic is three common mistakes using family play therapy and what to do instead.
• 6:43
  Cathi Spooner: So if you are watching me live on YouTube or LinkedIn or maybe over here on Instagram, I kind of simultaneously, if you see me shifting my head back and forth, that's because I am streaming live on using Streamy Yard.
• 7:02
  Cathi Spooner: For LinkedIn.
• 7:02
  Cathi Spooner: LinkedIn and YouTube.
• 7:04
  Cathi Spooner: And then I'm looking over here to Instagram to livestream onto Instagram.
• 7:12
  Cathi Spooner: 'cause way too hard to do it on YouTube.
• 7:15
  Cathi Spooner: I mean, um, stream Yard.
• 7:16
  Cathi Spooner: I tried it.
• 7:17
  Cathi Spooner: I. I should probably try it again, but it's, it feels too awkward.
• 7:23
  Cathi Spooner: And for those of you watching the replay in my Facebook group, or maybe on LinkedIn, YouTube or Instagram, welcome.
• 7:34
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're watching live or you're watching the replay, I would, I would love to know who's here.
• 7:42
  Cathi Spooner: Post your name in the comments.
• 7:44
  Cathi Spooner: What population are you working with?
• 7:48
  Cathi Spooner: Where are you working?
• 7:50
  Cathi Spooner: What, what types of clients do you typically work with?
• 7:54
  Cathi Spooner: Ages and things like that.
• 7:56
  Cathi Spooner: Do you use family play therapy?
• 8:00
  Cathi Spooner: Do you integrate parents into the play therapy process?
• 8:04
  Cathi Spooner: What does that look like?
• 8:05
  Cathi Spooner: What models are you using today?
• 8:09
  Cathi Spooner: I'm gonna talk about some mistakes I see people make.
• 8:13
  Cathi Spooner: If you're interested in what at the end, I am gonna talk about my attachment focused family play therapy training that I come, that I have coming up next month on November 8th, which is a Saturday if you're interested in learning and a, uh, an attachment in neuroscience.
• 8:36
  Cathi Spooner: Framework or model for family play therapy.
• 8:40
  Cathi Spooner: Then stay tuned at the end.
• 8:42
  Cathi Spooner: I'll talk a little bit more about that.
• 8:46
  Cathi Spooner: So let's go ahead and get started.
• 8:49
  Cathi Spooner: The first mistake that I see play therapist making happens all the time.
• 8:59
  Cathi Spooner: And to be honest, I did this in the beginning until I, until I figured it out.
• 9:05
  Cathi Spooner: So my, my hope is by talking about this, you'll figure it out sooner than I did, and you won't have to struggle along the way as I did to try to figure it out and come up with a better way.
• 9:20
  Cathi Spooner: The first mistake that I often see play therapists making is treating.
• 9:28
  Cathi Spooner: The play therapy sessions where you're inviting parents or maybe parents and siblings into the session is really treating the play therapy session as an individual.
• 9:43
  Cathi Spooner: Therapy plus, meaning you, you invite parents to participate, but they're usually, they're off to the side.
• 9:53
  Cathi Spooner: And they're just kind of observing.
• 9:55
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe you have them integrated in.
• 9:59
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but typically what happens is it's kind of, you use, you, you're using an individual therapy mindset, and when you're using a play therapy, a family play therapy model, it's, it's a fundamental shift in your foundational thinking about.
• 10:22
  Cathi Spooner: The play therapy session, it is not individual play therapy session.
• 10:29
  Cathi Spooner: And then you've added parents in there.
• 10:31
  Cathi Spooner: It's now family.
• 10:32
  Cathi Spooner: You are now shifting to think systemically, and when you shift to thinking systemically, then it changes your role.
• 10:43
  Cathi Spooner: It changes the parent's role.
• 10:47
  Cathi Spooner: Uh, it changes sibling's role.
• 10:49
  Cathi Spooner: It changes parents' role with your client or their child and the rest of the family.
• 10:57
  Cathi Spooner: It changes the fundamental roles and responsibilities.
• 11:02
  Cathi Spooner: How you facilitate healing?
• 11:06
  Cathi Spooner: Most universities and I would say most play therapy trainings focus on individual therapy, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• 11:16
  Cathi Spooner: I use individual therapy, play therapy, I do individual play therapy, so it's, it's not, there's nothing wrong with doing individual play therapy sessions.
• 11:27
  Cathi Spooner: What I wanna highlight today is.
• 11:31
  Cathi Spooner: You're, if you're using family play therapy, if you're inviting other family members or parents into the play therapy session, then it's a shift.
• 11:44
  Cathi Spooner: You're not doing individual play therapy.
• 11:48
  Cathi Spooner: You are now using a systemic model and you need to think systemically, um, because what happens?
• 11:58
  Cathi Spooner: The miss is that parents are still on the sidelines.
• 12:03
  Cathi Spooner: They might be in the sessions, but if they're on the sidelines and they're not actively participating, then they're not, then they're not really engaged.
• 12:15
  Cathi Spooner: They're just observers.
• 12:18
  Cathi Spooner: And is that really gonna move the needle to the extent that it's gonna move the needle?
• 12:26
  Cathi Spooner: Um.
• 12:27
  Cathi Spooner: So the shift is who is the therapeutic agent of change.
• 12:32
  Cathi Spooner: Now, you could make the argument, it's both of you.
• 12:36
  Cathi Spooner: It's both you and the parent.
• 12:38
  Cathi Spooner: And what I mean by that is it's you because you are supporting the system and you're supporting parents.
• 12:45
  Cathi Spooner: You are the therapeutic agent of change from a parenting standpoint.
• 12:51
  Cathi Spooner: Parents, and then parents become the therapeutic agent of change for their child.
• 13:00
  Cathi Spooner: If you have siblings in there, then parents become the therapeutic agent of change for the children, for your client, who is their child.
• 13:11
  Cathi Spooner: And so when you think about who is the therapeutic agent of change, it shifts.
• 13:17
  Cathi Spooner: Roles and responsibilities and what does that look like in this session?
• 13:23
  Cathi Spooner: So the second mistake that I often see play therapists making when they, when they're using uh, uh, play the family play therapy when they're including parents, maybe parents and siblings into the play therapy session.
• 13:45
  Cathi Spooner: Is not really preparing for chaos.
• 13:48
  Cathi Spooner: It's possible it's gonna happen, but is that a bad thing?
• 13:53
  Cathi Spooner: If you are afraid of doing family play therapy 'cause you're afraid that it's gonna go terribly, then I've got good news and bad news.
• 14:04
  Cathi Spooner: The good news is it's not a bad thing.
• 14:09
  Cathi Spooner: And the bad news is it's probably gonna happen at some point in time with at least one of your clients in their system.
• 14:18
  Cathi Spooner: I mean, you can't avoid that.
• 14:20
  Cathi Spooner: And here's, here's a shift that I want to encourage you to have with this, because a lot of times when I suggest to the people that I consult with, Hey, you know what I think would be helpful?
• 14:35
  Cathi Spooner: To address that issue that keeps coming up over and over and you don't feel like you're making any progress with it.
• 14:43
  Cathi Spooner: You may wanna try adding parents into the session, or you may wanna try having the whole family system in there.
• 14:53
  Cathi Spooner: If it's a family that's divorced, I typically, um, don't have.
• 14:59
  Cathi Spooner: Both divorced parents in the session with the kids.
• 15:02
  Cathi Spooner: I'll either, I usually do it household by household, so like either either one parent's like mom's household or dad's household or you know, the different households, and then work on building that attachment and repairing that attachment relationship within each household.
• 15:27
  Cathi Spooner: And how parents come together to be more effective co-parenting.
• 15:32
  Cathi Spooner: 'cause that creates a stronger foundation, a stronger secure environment, uh, attachment environment for the child.
• 15:42
  Cathi Spooner: But here's the thing.
• 15:44
  Cathi Spooner: In the family play therapy sessions, there might be some chaos.
• 15:50
  Cathi Spooner: And I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.
• 15:54
  Cathi Spooner: Because it'll, one, it allows you to see the patterns in real time.
• 16:00
  Cathi Spooner: You get to see for yourself.
• 16:02
  Cathi Spooner: It's been my experience that most of the time parents feel a little, um, validated when it happens in the session with you.
• 16:17
  Cathi Spooner: Present in the session to so that you can see what they're having to deal with.
• 16:22
  Cathi Spooner: So for them, it feels like they, they get a little, uh, validation that it's not just them.
• 16:29
  Cathi Spooner: And, and now you, now it's happening to you because when you're doing individual play therapy sessions, sometimes what happens is the kids are fine a lot of times, to be honest, the kids are fine with you, which of course that makes sense because.
• 16:45
  Cathi Spooner: It's all about them, and a lot of times they get to do what they want.
• 16:49
  Cathi Spooner: If you're using directive strategies, you're still gearing it towards the child's interests.
• 16:58
  Cathi Spooner: So a lot of times what'll happen is the child does great with you and then parents are struggling at home, so.
• 17:07
  Cathi Spooner: For parents, it can feel a little bit like, well, why?
• 17:10
  Cathi Spooner: Why are they fine with you and not with me?
• 17:13
  Cathi Spooner: And then they might also be thinking, well, of course you're just playing with them all the time.
• 17:17
  Cathi Spooner: Of course they're gonna like you.
• 17:20
  Cathi Spooner: I'm the one over here dealing with all the hard things that.
• 17:25
  Cathi Spooner: That comes up.
• 17:26
  Cathi Spooner: And I'll be honest, it's a little bit of a valid point in my opinion.
• 17:31
  Cathi Spooner: So that's why I am a firm believer in using attachment focused family play therapy.
• 17:39
  Cathi Spooner: Um.
• 17:40
  Cathi Spooner: So in the sessions it might be chaos, but the good thing is you can see the patterns, you can see those interaction patterns for yourself rather than relying on secondhand information.
• 17:54
  Cathi Spooner: And last and last week's episode, I talked a lot more about that.
• 18:00
  Cathi Spooner: So if this is a topic that is something that you're interested in or need, wanna find more out about, then I would suggest.
• 18:09
  Cathi Spooner: Listening to the previous episodes or watching the previous episodes on YouTube, that's the easiest place to find those on YouTube.
• 18:19
  Cathi Spooner: You can, it's a little harder to find them on LinkedIn, on Instagram, you can just go on my grid and find all of the replays.
• 18:28
  Cathi Spooner: Or if you on the podcast, you can always listen to the podcast.
• 18:32
  Cathi Spooner: Next Level Play Therapy podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 18:36
  Cathi Spooner: But if you want more information about that, then I would highly recommend watching some of the previous episodes.
• 18:44
  Cathi Spooner: Here's the miss.
• 18:46
  Cathi Spooner: If you, um, are not preparing parents, if you're not.
• 18:54
  Cathi Spooner: Talking with them about roles and responsibilities and what to expect and who's gonna do what, and here's what we wanna try.
• 19:02
  Cathi Spooner: If this happens, here's the miss.
• 19:05
  Cathi Spooner: If you don't do that preparation work with parents when you're using a family play therapy model, those messy moments actually become opportunities for parents and children.
• 19:21
  Cathi Spooner: To learn new skills and to learn new ways of doing things.
• 19:25
  Cathi Spooner: You want parents to be active participants with the children if it's the client and their siblings in there with parents, but or at the very least, you want the child and the parents to be actively participating with each other.
• 19:44
  Cathi Spooner: You're kind of shifting your role.
• 19:48
  Cathi Spooner: In there more of a support and um, providing a little bit of structure for parents and the child or parents and the children to have opportunities to try new things out.
• 20:04
  Cathi Spooner: Then they can take what they've learned in the session into their everyday lives at home, which is where the magic happens, making those changes in their everyday.
• 20:17
  Cathi Spooner: Life, not just having it happen in the play therapy session.
• 20:24
  Cathi Spooner: You wanna help children to, and parents take that into their day-to-day life.
• 20:31
  Cathi Spooner: And so when you prepare and help parents know what to do, understand roles, what's your role?
• 20:38
  Cathi Spooner: What's their role?
• 20:39
  Cathi Spooner: What are you gonna do?
• 20:40
  Cathi Spooner: How are you gonna handle things?
• 20:42
  Cathi Spooner: What activities are you gonna do?
• 20:44
  Cathi Spooner: Why are you gonna do them?
• 20:45
  Cathi Spooner: What's the focus that we're working on Then?
• 20:50
  Cathi Spooner: Then that's when people start feeling lost and not sure, and that's when you start feeling like things failed.
• 20:58
  Cathi Spooner: To me, it doesn't fail.
• 21:00
  Cathi Spooner: It just gives you more information that you can think about and figure out in between sessions, and then come back and regroup with parents and figure out what happened and how to move forward.
• 21:15
  Cathi Spooner: Because these things are happening at home.
• 21:17
  Cathi Spooner: It's not like they're only happening in your playroom.
• 21:21
  Cathi Spooner: They're happening at home, and this is what they're having to deal with at home.
• 21:25
  Cathi Spooner: So why not?
• 21:27
  Cathi Spooner: See for yourself firsthand what is going on, and use that as an opportunity for teaching new skills and getting deeper healing.
• 21:41
  Cathi Spooner: And then the third mistake that I see play therapists making when they're using family play therapy and it doesn't go so well.
• 21:52
  Cathi Spooner: The third mistake is just winging it.
• 21:56
  Cathi Spooner: Without using a framework or a play therapy model.
• 22:01
  Cathi Spooner: So your, your play therapy model influences how you conceptualize your role, parents' role, child's role, what's you're doing, what's the focus of change?
• 22:15
  Cathi Spooner: How are you gonna go about doing that?
• 22:18
  Cathi Spooner: How do you make sense of what is going on in the playroom?
• 22:24
  Cathi Spooner: So a, using a family play therapy model is important because it's gonna, it's gonna define or influence who, whose role is what and who's doing what, and what is that gonna look like in the play therapy sessions.
• 22:45
  Cathi Spooner: It's also a fundamental shift in thinking about your role.
• 22:52
  Cathi Spooner: As the responsible person to create the shift.
• 22:59
  Cathi Spooner: When you're bringing in parents and using a family plea therapy model, then it's shared.
• 23:07
  Cathi Spooner: You are sharing responsibility.
• 23:10
  Cathi Spooner: With parents.
• 23:11
  Cathi Spooner: And so now your role shifts to supporting parents and helping parents and the children learn new ways of being and repairing relationships and learning new skills that they can take with them outside of the session.
• 23:30
  Cathi Spooner: And so.
• 23:31
  Cathi Spooner: Your play therapy model is gonna clarify all of those things.
• 23:37
  Cathi Spooner: You would've had a conversation with parents prior to bringing them in to the session where you would've had a conversation about, Hey, I, you know, I, I think I'm recommending that we use family play therapy.
• 23:53
  Cathi Spooner: Here's the family play therapy model that I use.
• 23:57
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what that, here's what that means.
• 24:00
  Cathi Spooner: Here's the focus.
• 24:01
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what my role is.
• 24:03
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what your role is, here's how we're gonna figure out what we're working on and what we're doing in the sessions.
• 24:11
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what's and then.
• 24:13
  Cathi Spooner: And then you're gonna use your play therapy model throughout the change process.
• 24:19
  Cathi Spooner: I like using so way.
• 24:22
  Cathi Spooner: So my foundational thinking way back in grad school, if I go back to 1990, like 35 years ago, um, I discovered this thing, this, this model.
• 24:36
  Cathi Spooner: You know how in graduate school you have to take a class where you go through all the theory models.
• 24:41
  Cathi Spooner: So in social work we had to do that.
• 24:43
  Cathi Spooner: We had that class in our first year.
• 24:47
  Cathi Spooner: If you're in, in a counseling program, you probably have those classes as well.
• 24:52
  Cathi Spooner: If you're a marriage and family therapist, then you're, you're getting all the systems models, right?
• 24:59
  Cathi Spooner: You're getting the couples models, you're getting the family models, you're already getting that.
• 25:04
  Cathi Spooner: For us in social work and counseling, we took a class and most of it was individual counseling models, um, but they had this one.
• 25:15
  Cathi Spooner: Um, model and I, I remember reading through, 'cause in the class we had to, we were, um, we were assigned groups, but we had to read through and figure out what model we wanted to learn more about with our group.
• 25:34
  Cathi Spooner: And then we joined a group based on the model that we chose.
• 25:37
  Cathi Spooner: Most of them, all, all of them actually were individual.
• 25:40
  Cathi Spooner: Mental health psychotherapy models and the, but there was one family systems model.
• 25:46
  Cathi Spooner: They were, they were teaching and I remember reading that thinking, holy macaroni.
• 25:52
  Cathi Spooner: That's a whole thing.
• 25:55
  Cathi Spooner: Uh, looking at family systems.
• 25:57
  Cathi Spooner: 'cause I remember thinking, right, I, this is like a million years ago.
• 26:00
  Cathi Spooner: I remember thinking, yeah.
• 26:02
  Cathi Spooner: I knew I wasn't the only one in my family that was a mess.
• 26:07
  Cathi Spooner: I knew we were like, I would, I knew I was right.
• 26:11
  Cathi Spooner: I knew I was onto something about my dysfunctional family system growing up, right?
• 26:18
  Cathi Spooner: That's what we all do.
• 26:19
  Cathi Spooner: We all an analyze ourselves in graduate school, but I felt so validated.
• 26:24
  Cathi Spooner: So anyways, long story short, I I, oh my gosh, I became.
• 26:29
  Cathi Spooner: I became a new believer with family systems, so in my concentration year.
• 26:35
  Cathi Spooner: It was all thi This is not typical.
• 26:38
  Cathi Spooner: What I, my graduate program for social work was not at all typical and I'm very grateful for it.
• 26:46
  Cathi Spooner: I had a concentration, uh, it was called Child and Family Welfare.
• 26:52
  Cathi Spooner: All of the clinical work was family system.
• 26:55
  Cathi Spooner: So we, we learned all.
• 26:58
  Cathi Spooner: The five major family systems in my field, practicum or placement or field experience, whatever we're calling it these days, was all family systems.
• 27:09
  Cathi Spooner: I was placed in a court program in their counseling program.
• 27:14
  Cathi Spooner: It was really kind of groundbreaking at the time.
• 27:18
  Cathi Spooner: I later like.
• 27:19
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe 25 years later went back and I was a consultant for them.
• 27:23
  Cathi Spooner: That was such a cool experience for me.
• 27:26
  Cathi Spooner: So shout out to the family counselors in the Fairfax County, uh, juvenile domestic court system.
• 27:35
  Cathi Spooner: You guys are awesome.
• 27:37
  Cathi Spooner: I loved working with them.
• 27:39
  Cathi Spooner: I loved working, uh, kind of going back, seeing full circle, but.
• 27:43
  Cathi Spooner: That was the place where we thought systemically we, we did family systems.
• 27:49
  Cathi Spooner: So that's my grounding.
• 27:51
  Cathi Spooner: I would say that's my foundational thinking.
• 27:55
  Cathi Spooner: And so when I, you know, graduated and got a job, the place where I worked, we looked at things systemically, so it was so awesome.
• 28:04
  Cathi Spooner: I'm a firm believer though, if you're working with kids, you really need to think systemically.
• 28:09
  Cathi Spooner: We really need to understand.
• 28:12
  Cathi Spooner: The child within the context of their family system.
• 28:15
  Cathi Spooner: But I would, I would say school system, all of the systems we need to think systemically.
• 28:22
  Cathi Spooner: So long story short, we're still, uh, thinking about a framework.
• 28:27
  Cathi Spooner: When I started learning, finally was able to find some family play, I mean some play therapy models.
• 28:33
  Cathi Spooner: It was only individual, um, which I used, but it was frustrating for me.
• 28:42
  Cathi Spooner: Trying to figure out how to incorporate parents.
• 28:47
  Cathi Spooner: What is that gonna look like?
• 28:48
  Cathi Spooner: How am I gonna do this?
• 28:49
  Cathi Spooner: Mm-hmm.
• 28:50
  Cathi Spooner: I had, I had done a training with Eliana Gill on, uh, family Play the, or play in family therapy.
• 28:57
  Cathi Spooner: I read her books and I loved them.
• 29:00
  Cathi Spooner: So it started moving in the direction that I was interested in.
• 29:05
  Cathi Spooner: At the time though, I was also learning about attachment.
• 29:09
  Cathi Spooner: I was learning about neuroscience and I, I was learning the different attachment models that were out there.
• 29:18
  Cathi Spooner: But for me, there was limitations for that as well, because what if I wanted more than just the one parent in there?
• 29:28
  Cathi Spooner: Like I, I took the filial trainings.
• 29:30
  Cathi Spooner: I even used filial, which I think is an awesome model.
• 29:35
  Cathi Spooner: I love filial therapy.
• 29:38
  Cathi Spooner: And for me there was still a gap.
• 29:42
  Cathi Spooner: 'cause I, I think systemically, I think siblings, I think sibling relationships are important.
• 29:48
  Cathi Spooner: I think it's important to figure out those dynamics between, with siblings, I learned that in my own family, we had horrible relationships, uh, in my.
• 30:00
  Cathi Spooner: Not horrible, but they, everybody was, we were all in survival mode.
• 30:05
  Cathi Spooner: That's kind of how I look at it now.
• 30:07
  Cathi Spooner: But we don't have great relationships and I, I, that's sad for me.
• 30:12
  Cathi Spooner: And I see people who do have as adults, these great relationships with their siblings, and I think to myself, we need to start building that sibling relationships.
• 30:27
  Cathi Spooner: For our clients strengthening those, I feel like sibling relationships don't get as much attention in play therapy as I think they need to.
• 30:38
  Cathi Spooner: And so that's somewhere along the line I thought, well, all of these models are way too confining me for me, and they don't, they don't do it for me.
• 30:47
  Cathi Spooner: So I, I kind of created my own model that's more integrative in nature.
• 30:55
  Cathi Spooner: Using attachment and using neuroscience and hence called it attachment focused neuro attachment focused family play therapy.
• 31:04
  Cathi Spooner: And kind of, um, thought about roles and responsibilities of who's doing what in the sessions.
• 31:11
  Cathi Spooner: And what I find is, um, and I have regular parent only meetings, what I find is those parent only meetings are key in the framework.
• 31:23
  Cathi Spooner: For helping parents be prepped for the chaos to know what to do.
• 31:28
  Cathi Spooner: So having, what I found is having that framework helped to address the other two common mistakes, which is we're not treating it.
• 31:39
  Cathi Spooner: Like, uh, individual plus where now I have a framework.
• 31:44
  Cathi Spooner: We're integrating parents.
• 31:46
  Cathi Spooner: We know what their role is, we know what my role is, we know what's gonna happen with the siblings.
• 31:51
  Cathi Spooner: We know what is the focus and then we're gonna avoid those, um, issues of not knowing what to do and having it feel like chaos.
• 32:02
  Cathi Spooner: When somebody has a tantrum or somebody doesn't wanna do something, we've prepped for that.
• 32:07
  Cathi Spooner: Parents are feeling supported, they know what to do because we have a framework in place.
• 32:15
  Cathi Spooner: And so I, I, if you're Adlerian play therapist, then Adlerian Play Therapy integrates.
• 32:25
  Cathi Spooner: Larry and family play therapy.
• 32:27
  Cathi Spooner: There's a role for what, how you're conceptualizing parents and what you're, how you're using the model with parents.
• 32:36
  Cathi Spooner: Gestalt play therapy, same thing.
• 32:39
  Cathi Spooner: Um, the play is a whole framework.
• 32:42
  Cathi Spooner: That one just uses the parent and the child or you, you and the child.
• 32:47
  Cathi Spooner: But if you're bringing the parent in, then you're showing parents what to do.
• 32:51
  Cathi Spooner: Filial play therapy.
• 32:53
  Cathi Spooner: You're teaching parents how to do basically child-centered play therapy.
• 32:59
  Cathi Spooner: All of these have a model.
• 33:01
  Cathi Spooner: All of these have a framework.
• 33:04
  Cathi Spooner: So what I would say is find a model or a framework that you align with one that fits for you.
• 33:13
  Cathi Spooner: Don't just wing it.
• 33:15
  Cathi Spooner: When you use a framework, it guides you.
• 33:19
  Cathi Spooner: To know what to do, when to do it, and how to do it in each stage of the change process.
• 33:28
  Cathi Spooner: It's a fundamental shift in your thinking about roles and responsibilities from you as the sole person to you and parents partnering together and.
• 33:43
  Cathi Spooner: Working through the healing process, using that, that framework, whatever that framework is that you're using.
• 33:52
  Cathi Spooner: So those are the three mistakes.
• 33:54
  Cathi Spooner: Let me do a quick recap.
• 33:56
  Cathi Spooner: Today we are talking about three common mistakes using family play therapy and what to do about it.
• 34:05
  Cathi Spooner: The first mistake is, okay, I have to do a full disclosure here.
• 34:11
  Cathi Spooner: So my dog, Luna.
• 34:12
  Cathi Spooner: Hi, Luna, Luna, my dog Luna is over in her digging spot in my office.
• 34:19
  Cathi Spooner: Oh, Luna, Luna, she's digging a hole in my car.
• 34:24
  Cathi Spooner: Carpet, not really, but I wonder about that.
• 34:27
  Cathi Spooner: Anyways, if you hear this weird digging noise.
• 34:30
  Cathi Spooner: In the background and you're like, what is going on in her podcast or her live stream?
• 34:36
  Cathi Spooner: That's my dog, Luna.
• 34:38
  Cathi Spooner: And if I could move my cameras around without making you feel like you have motion sickness, I would show you my dog, Luna.
• 34:46
  Cathi Spooner: Uh, anyway, Luna's in the office.
• 34:49
  Cathi Spooner: So the three, the three mistakes are basically treating family play therapy.
• 34:56
  Cathi Spooner: Um, like individual family play therapy and then you just kind of wing it with the parents in there.
• 35:03
  Cathi Spooner: They, a lot of times I hear that they're just observers.
• 35:07
  Cathi Spooner: Sometimes people try to integrate them, but it doesn't go very well.
• 35:11
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but there's, and then you're feeling responsible to fix everything.
• 35:16
  Cathi Spooner: You think, just 'cause you have parents in there, it still means you.
• 35:19
  Cathi Spooner: It's only you.
• 35:21
  Cathi Spooner: And when you are.
• 35:22
  Cathi Spooner: It's not, it's family therapy.
• 35:25
  Cathi Spooner: So now you're shifting, you're shifting your mindset of roles and responsibilities.
• 35:32
  Cathi Spooner: The other mistake is not really prepping for chaos or what to do when there's misbehavior.
• 35:40
  Cathi Spooner: And the, the miss here is that because.
• 35:45
  Cathi Spooner: You still think you are the sole responsibility person for all of the change, and parents aren't sure what to do and they don't know their role or their purpose in there.
• 35:56
  Cathi Spooner: It can feel like chaos because you haven't prepped them.
• 35:59
  Cathi Spooner: You haven't talked about, here's my responsibility, here's your responsibility, here's what we're gonna be doing in the session.
• 36:06
  Cathi Spooner: Here's why we're gonna be doing it in the session.
• 36:11
  Cathi Spooner: If, you know, if misbehavior happens, like.
• 36:14
  Cathi Spooner: I'm here to support you.
• 36:16
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what, and ask them, what support do you need from me?
• 36:20
  Cathi Spooner: What feels helpful?
• 36:21
  Cathi Spooner: What doesn't feel helpful?
• 36:23
  Cathi Spooner: Because you want to engage them as your change partner and you will.
• 36:28
  Cathi Spooner: You need to prep for that.
• 36:30
  Cathi Spooner: And to prep for that really involves mistake number three, which is you can't prep for it if you don't know what framework you're using because.
• 36:42
  Cathi Spooner: Your framework is gonna be really identifying roles and responsibilities.
• 36:49
  Cathi Spooner: What are you doing?
• 36:50
  Cathi Spooner: What is the client doing?
• 36:52
  Cathi Spooner: What is parent doing?
• 36:53
  Cathi Spooner: What are you gonna be doing in there?
• 36:54
  Cathi Spooner: Why are you gonna be doing it?
• 36:56
  Cathi Spooner: Your, your play, family play therapy model spells out.
• 37:03
  Cathi Spooner: What that's gonna look like and how that's gonna work and how, how are you working and partnering with parents and how are you helping them to make those changes in the family?
• 37:15
  Cathi Spooner: In the family Play Therapy sessions, Luna's over there digging again.
• 37:19
  Cathi Spooner: Luna, come here.
• 37:22
  Cathi Spooner: It is a digging day for Luna.
• 37:24
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and how are you gonna handle those outbursts if they happen?
• 37:29
  Cathi Spooner: Your, your framework is key because it guides how you make sense of what's going on in the sessions and how you make sense of the interaction patterns and then what to do about them.
• 37:45
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're using Alerian play Therapy, family play therapy.
• 37:50
  Cathi Spooner: The how you're using an Adlerian play, family Play therapy theoretical lens, which then identifies and influences how you make sense of what's going on, and how are you helping parents to make the change.
• 38:05
  Cathi Spooner: The same would be if you're using Thera Play or any of the Filial or, or my attachment focus, family play therapy model.
• 38:15
  Cathi Spooner: The model is gonna help you understand.
• 38:17
  Cathi Spooner: So in my attachment focused family play therapy model, we're looking at attachments, we're looking at that interpersonal neurobiology and helping parents and children, um, develop those secure attachments.
• 38:33
  Cathi Spooner: And we're looking at how those theoretical models influence the way in which you do that.
• 38:42
  Cathi Spooner: So that is it for today.
• 38:45
  Cathi Spooner: If you're interested, I do have my attachment focused family play therapy training coming up in November.
• 38:54
  Cathi Spooner: It's gonna be on November 8th.
• 38:55
  Cathi Spooner: You can come and join us in person in St. George, Utah.
• 39:01
  Cathi Spooner: It's beautiful that time of year.
• 39:03
  Cathi Spooner: It's so nice.
• 39:04
  Cathi Spooner: The weather's cooling off.
• 39:06
  Cathi Spooner: Um, St. George, you can see all the red rocks.
• 39:09
  Cathi Spooner: It's so pretty.
• 39:10
  Cathi Spooner: Um, or you can join us virtually.
• 39:12
  Cathi Spooner: There is a virtual option as well.
• 39:15
  Cathi Spooner: So we're gonna, we're gonna do the case conceptualization of you looking at things from a neuroscience and attachment lens, really understanding.
• 39:28
  Cathi Spooner: Implicit experiences and mentalization and how that influences emotion regulation and identity formation.
• 39:37
  Cathi Spooner: And then I'm gonna take you through the model.
• 39:40
  Cathi Spooner: We're looking at the principles, foundational principles.
• 39:45
  Cathi Spooner: Of attachment focused family play therapy, then the different stages.
• 39:50
  Cathi Spooner: What do you do in the beginning stage?
• 39:53
  Cathi Spooner: What is your role?
• 39:54
  Cathi Spooner: What is parents' role?
• 39:55
  Cathi Spooner: How do you choose activities in this role?
• 39:58
  Cathi Spooner: What is that gonna look in this stage?
• 40:01
  Cathi Spooner: What is that gonna look like?
• 40:02
  Cathi Spooner: We're gonna look at the each stage and what to do in each stage and how to use that model will also.
• 40:12
  Cathi Spooner: Go over some activities and I'll show you some activities that you can use and also how to choose those.
• 40:17
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're interested, registration is closing soon.
• 40:22
  Cathi Spooner: It's gonna close on November 6th.
• 40:25
  Cathi Spooner: The training is on November 8th.
• 40:28
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so you'll wanna register soon for that training.
• 40:33
  Cathi Spooner: You can pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com.
• 40:40
  Cathi Spooner: That's rh play therapy training.com.
• 40:44
  Cathi Spooner: Go over to the training page.
• 40:48
  Cathi Spooner: On renewing hearts, play therapy training, you can register on there.
• 40:53
  Cathi Spooner: You'll also see some of the other trainings that I have coming up, like, um, using a neuroscience and attachment lens with Santra in play therapy.
• 41:04
  Cathi Spooner: This is, uh, that's a different training using sandtray training.
• 41:09
  Cathi Spooner: Uh, sandtray therapy.
• 41:10
  Cathi Spooner: We're gonna look at using sandtray therapy in play therapy with the neuroscience and attachment lens.
• 41:17
  Cathi Spooner: This one's only in person.
• 41:20
  Cathi Spooner: I'm a firm believer.
• 41:22
  Cathi Spooner: Of people getting their hands in the sand, experiencing the powerful nature of sand tray therapy, and using those miniatures, we will make sand trays.
• 41:35
  Cathi Spooner: We will process sand trays.
• 41:37
  Cathi Spooner: We will use that opportunity to identify themes.
• 41:42
  Cathi Spooner: In sessions how to, how to identify those themes in the San Tray.
• 41:49
  Cathi Spooner: What to do, like how are you gonna hold that?
• 41:52
  Cathi Spooner: It's a really small group.
• 41:54
  Cathi Spooner: I keep the San Tray trainings I only do in person 'cause I really want people to get their hands in the sand.
• 42:02
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so I keep them really small.
• 42:05
  Cathi Spooner: For that, I call it kind of a retreat like experience.
• 42:09
  Cathi Spooner: It's a two day in-person training in St. George, Utah.
• 42:13
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're interested in that one, pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com.
• 42:22
  Cathi Spooner: Um, you'll see that also some of the other trainings I have coming up.
• 42:26
  Cathi Spooner: I also, if you're interested, I have some openings in my Play Therapy Academy program.
• 42:33
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're interested in getting some, um, support, we do consultation meetings twice a month.
• 42:43
  Cathi Spooner: There are courses in the program.
• 42:46
  Cathi Spooner: There is, um, a community for support.
• 42:51
  Cathi Spooner: In between our group meetings, lots and lots of hands-on, lots of lots of help figuring out how to use plate therapy effectively.
• 43:03
  Cathi Spooner: Get grounded.
• 43:04
  Cathi Spooner: Have a solid, solid foundation so that you can build from there using play therapy.
• 43:12
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com.
• 43:19
  Cathi Spooner: On the consultation page, look for Play Therapy Academy.
• 43:23
  Cathi Spooner: You'll see more information there.
• 43:25
  Cathi Spooner: Also, if you're interested, schedule a 30 minute video call with me and then we can talk about whether or not it's a good fit for you.
• 43:33
  Cathi Spooner: I like to make sure it is a good fit and because it's limited and I don't have openings all the time, I have one opening in the Saturday.
• 43:44
  Cathi Spooner: And I have one opening in the Wednesday group.
• 43:47
  Cathi Spooner: When those get filled, they get filled and then there's not openings until somebody else leaves the program.
• 43:53
  Cathi Spooner: So pop over to my website, check out the trainings.
• 43:56
  Cathi Spooner: Check out Plate Therapy Academy.
• 43:59
  Cathi Spooner: Check out Plate Therapy Elevation Circle.
• 44:01
  Cathi Spooner: Let's close right now.
• 44:02
  Cathi Spooner: I'm gonna relaunch that you can sign up for the wait list.
• 44:06
  Cathi Spooner: Check out the free resources and I will see you next week.
• 44:11
  Cathi Spooner: Bye for now.
• 44:21
  Cathi Spooner: Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 44:26
  Cathi Spooner: I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal.
• 44:35
  Cathi Spooner: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
• 44:40
  Cathi Spooner: Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
• 44:46
  Cathi Spooner: Remember.
• 44:47
  Cathi Spooner: Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth.
• 44:51
  Cathi Spooner: Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships.
• 45:02
  Cathi Spooner: If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future.
• 45:07
  Cathi Spooner: I'd love to hear from you.
• 45:09
  Cathi Spooner: Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
• 45:22
  Cathi Spooner: Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 45:25
  Cathi Spooner: Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.