Latest / Natty Unfiltered / Why Are We So Hard On Ourselves

Transcript

Why Are We So Hard On Ourselves · Natty Unfiltered

0:00
Foreign.
0:04
Hey, it's Natalia. Welcome back to Nati Unfiltered
0:08
Podcast. The space where we get real about identity,
0:11
confidence, and rediscovering yourself beyond motherhood.
0:16
Today I want to talk about something
0:21
that I know that I've dealt with, and that
0:26
is, why are we so hard on ourselves?
0:30
Like, if you think about it, when did we decide that doing our
0:35
best still isn't enough?
0:40
Like, we tend to cheer for our friends, our kids,
0:44
and even strangers online. I'm sure you've noticed yourself
0:48
when you scroll online and you see people either looking
0:52
good or dressing good or winning in life,
0:56
and you just cheer them on. But then when it comes
1:00
to ourselves, we just pick ourselves apart.
1:05
Like, we tell ourselves that we're not moving fast
1:09
enough, we're not achieving enough, not being enough,
1:13
not pretty enough,
1:16
don't have that style that somebody
1:21
else has. Maybe not smart enough, maybe not farther along
1:26
in life. We just pick ourselves apart piece
1:30
by piece. But what if the problem isn't
1:33
that you're falling behind? What if you're just too
1:37
busy chasing approval from people who don't even matter?
1:41
I can tell you from my personal experience, I had
1:45
to come to understanding that if I'm going to constantly
1:50
seek approval from everybody, I'm not going
1:54
to get far in life. I'm not going to achieve the goals and the
1:58
dreams that I have set up for myself
2:02
that I have written down, as I
2:06
would say, like my New Year's resolution.
2:09
And if I'm going to always try to please everybody and
2:13
make sure that I'm doing things that will get
2:17
that approval from everybody around me,
2:21
I'm never gonna get to my final destination.
2:25
So I think that you don't need the permission to live your life for
2:32
you, for joy,
2:35
for your joy, your peace, your family. Like,
2:39
you deserve to be proud of yourself right now.
2:42
Not when things are perfect. And things will never gonna be
2:46
perfect. We always, like, wait for that perfect
2:50
time to start a business or go on
2:54
vacation or get, you know, on social media.
2:57
Because you think that, okay, well, I need to perfect
3:01
A, B, C and D and then I can start.
3:05
Or I need to know everything I need to know about the
3:08
business, or I need everything that I need to know about social media. Or if
3:15
you want to, let's say, I don't know,
3:18
go dancing and you don't know how to dance and you just want to kind
3:22
of learn before you go to those dance classes because you don't want to embarrass
3:26
yourself. That perfect time is just not going to Come
3:31
but once you start and
3:35
you're going to keep being consistent and keep on doing it
3:39
and showing up even messy and growing
3:43
from that, that's, you know, that's where you
3:48
are gonna excel and you're not and then you're not gonna
3:52
think about what others think and seek their approval.
3:58
So this week I just wanted to dive
4:03
in, dive, dive in deep into like why are we
4:07
so hard on ourselves? And how to finally give yourself
4:11
the same grace you give everyone else. And that's something
4:15
that's going to take work, it's going to take time because it's
4:20
not going to happen over time. That's something that you have to work on
4:25
yourself. It's not like a quick fix.
4:29
Been conditioned to believe that productivity
4:33
equals worth. So if we're being productive, if we
4:38
work hard, then it's going to equate to what
4:43
we are worth,
4:47
worth it, you know, like what kind of defines
4:51
us. And also I think
4:55
that we have this comparison culture especially like
5:00
social media, what it highlights so many things
5:04
that are not, are not like
5:08
in real life. So then it feeds to self
5:13
criticism, criticism. And I've been
5:17
guilty of that as well. And it's always I had to remind myself,
5:21
okay, what I see on social media, not everything is
5:25
how it is. Nobody's gonna really put out on social
5:29
media the days when you have bad days,
5:32
when you don't feel good, when your relationship is falling apart,
5:36
when K, please don't listen and you're ready to rip your hair out when
5:41
you're crying on the bathroom floor.
5:45
You really not going to put out those miserable
5:50
days, those times because you are going to choose
5:54
to keep it to yourself, away from social media
5:57
and you're going to put out the happy moments,
6:01
happy times and then you
6:05
never know what goes on in somebody else's life by seeing their
6:09
Pinterest perfect feed.
6:14
So you kind of always have to like remember that you
6:20
don't need more motivation, you need self respect.
6:24
Talk to yourself like someone you love.
6:28
When you have love for yourself and
6:33
you restart respecting yourself a whole lot, others,
6:37
other people are going to notice it, other people going to give you that
6:41
respect. Because if you don't have self respect, how would
6:45
you have, how would you expect others to
6:49
respect you? Your worth isn't
6:53
measured by how much you do. It's how aligned you are with
6:57
what feels true. That's something that you have to remember
7:02
and remember who are you trying to impress and why?
7:06
I don't think we ask ourselves that question.
7:11
I feel like you need to impress yourself,
7:14
number one. And maybe like your family,
7:18
like your significant other, you know, your kids, those are
7:22
the important people that in your life. But you,
7:26
you are the one who you need to impress first
7:30
and foremost. Now we chase
7:35
approval from people who don't even see the full picture of our
7:38
lives. We measure our progress by how others react instead
7:43
of how we feel. And that goes
7:47
back to a lot of things that you know, like we do and it goes,
7:50
goes back to nowadays also like social or just
7:55
day to day life. People don't
7:59
know what it is that you go through as soon as you wake up
8:03
and until the time you go to bed.
8:07
And that's why you need to work for yourself, you need
8:11
to better yourself, you need to respect yourself, you need
8:15
to love yourself. And once you start doing that,
8:20
other people are going to notice how you've
8:25
changed, how you act to different situation, how you react
8:29
to people,
8:32
because you're not going to be that same person where
8:36
you always seek the approval from others. They're going to see
8:40
that, hey, you know what, she's doing her thing,
8:43
she's working to, I mean
8:48
she, she worked to make herself better. And you're gonna have
8:52
that confidence just pouring out of you.
8:56
Last time you ask yourself, what makes me happy?
9:00
I don't think that a lot of us ask that question because
9:05
I think a lot of times we try to please others and make other
9:08
people happy. Even maybe in different situations when you
9:14
might not want to do something, but then your friends want to do it and
9:17
then you do it because you want to please them.
9:21
But then at the end of the day, you're the one who's unhappy.
9:26
But the other people are
9:31
happy because like you there, you went to that event or you did something
9:35
for them. So you always may have to remember
9:40
what makes me happy.
9:45
And you also have to like, think about, you know, if you're a mom,
9:49
your family doesn't need the perfect mom, they need the happy one.
9:54
And you know, it's like I have, I'm a mom, I have three kids and
9:59
I see that my kids are happy and they love to see
10:03
me happy. They're happy when I'm happy.
10:08
And if I'm not happy, they see that and it's very hard to hide that
10:11
from them because they would always ask
10:16
me, mom, what's wrong? And I would tell, I tried to cover it up and
10:19
say, no, everything's fine. Like, you know, and they'll say, no, I can see it
10:23
in your face. Maybe I just don't Hide it that well, but they
10:27
can see it. And you know, it's like if I'm walking around
10:31
and being unhappy for day two, three, they notice it and they always ask and
10:35
then they start to work. So I have to make sure that I
10:40
try to not just put on that front or put on the
10:44
happy face. I want to be happy and I want
10:48
to show that happiness and that joy and so that my
10:52
family also see that, especially the kids.
10:58
And so some of the things that, and some of the steps
11:02
that you can take is that like identify what brings you energy
11:07
versus what drains it, really think
11:11
about it and get rid of things
11:16
or people that just drain your energy on a regular basis.
11:20
And sometimes it's going to be hard and sometimes it could be somebody not
11:24
just like friends or acquaintance, it could be somebody in your family.
11:28
If they drain your energy, they have no space or
11:32
room in your life. That's just that another
11:38
one is let go of people. Pleasing you cannot build
11:42
peace while living for approval again. Once you
11:46
start doing that, you will see how much your
11:50
life is going to change. How much like you feel like a brick just falls
11:54
off your shoulders because
11:59
you're going to be pleasing yourself in doing what makes you happy.
12:03
You're never going to be truly happy in doing what you love if
12:07
you cannot continue to run after somebody
12:12
else's approval and trying to please everyone around you but you.
12:18
Another one is redefine success as alignment,
12:22
not achievement.
12:26
I tell you that small promises to yourself build
12:31
trust and trust builds confidence.
12:36
So kind of write down to like take a moment and just think about
12:40
yourself, like what makes me happy, what promise
12:44
I can make to myself that I can
12:48
work on and then take the small steps on
12:52
a daily basis to be work working on it. Even if like, let's say if
12:56
you find episodes to listen to it,
13:00
motivational episodes, like some, some of them, like one of them is like I'm
13:04
listening to like Mel Robbins. There's also another Jamie
13:08
C. Show. She those two people that
13:12
I, you know, follow them on social media. I listen to
13:16
their podcasts because they do a lot of motivational
13:23
talks and social media posts.
13:27
And that's something, that's something that I always love to
13:30
hear. So find something that just brings you
13:34
joy, something that you can listen to it on
13:40
a daily basis, maybe every other day and start
13:44
training yourself in your subconscious mind to start
13:48
pleasing yourself and start doing what you makes you happy.
13:54
Because you don't, you don't have to earn rest,
13:58
joy or love.
14:02
And some of the you know,
14:06
mindset shifts or like, affirmations that you can
14:10
do is like one of them. You can say, I can be
14:14
proud of myself, even in progress,
14:18
or you can say my
14:22
worth isn't determined by my
14:27
to do list.
14:30
Just remember this. You're doing better than you think,
14:34
and the only thing missing is your own kindness.
14:39
And to end today's episode, I just
14:43
want to say that you're not behind. You're not falling.
14:47
You are growing and growing. And growth is
14:51
messy, but it's still progress.
14:55
When you want to improve yourself, when you're working on something,
14:59
it's going to take time, but you have to put in the work.
15:02
And you have to remember that love yourself
15:07
first, respect yourself first, and then
15:11
everything else is going to fall into place. You'll see
15:14
how your life's gonna start changing. And I
15:18
can tell this for sure because I've done it. It took time for me
15:23
and I continued to work on myself. I continue to,
15:27
you know, love myself more. I continue to improve
15:31
myself, and I continue to remind myself
15:35
that I need to please myself and not others.
15:39
Once I start doing that, I really start to see
15:44
the changes in my life and the changes how
15:49
other people start seeing me and how I started to approach different
15:53
situations. And it just feels amazing.
15:56
So I want you to give that a try.
15:59
And just remember that it's going to take time,
16:03
but it's going to take work. So I just want
16:07
to say thank you for tuning into the Nettie Unfiltered podcast.
16:10
If this episode hit home for you, please save
16:14
it, share it, and pass it along to another mom who needs this
16:19
reminder. And remember that your story,
16:22
your pace, your lane is enough. Keep rediscovering
16:26
who you are, because you are worth every bit of it.