Latest / Your Utmost Life / You're Still There: The Framework Mothers Need to Stop Disappearing and Return to Themselves

Transcript

You're Still There: The Framework Mothers Need to Stop Disappearing and Return to Themselves · Your Utmost Life

• 0:00
  Misty Celli: If I asked you right now who you are, underneath everyone else's version of you, underneath the wife, mother, daughter, the one everyone counts on, could you answer?
• 0:09
  Misty Celli: Not what you do for people, but who you actually are.
• 0:13
  Misty Celli: Most women can't, and most moms certainly can't answer quickly.
• 0:17
  Misty Celli: Not because they're lost, but because nobody ever asked them to look.
• 0:21
  Misty Celli: Today, I want to give you an actual answer, a real framework, not just an idea to sit with, but a way to find her, the woman you've been missing, and the way to stay connected to her starting today.
• 0:34
  Misty Celli: If you're an ambitious mother who feels like you're living for everyone else and you catch yourself feeling guilty for thinking, is this all there is?
• 0:41
  Misty Celli: you were in the right place.
• 0:43
  Misty Celli: You were never meant to disappear into your roles, but somewhere between everyone's needs and everyone's expectations, you became invisible, disconnected, and living on autopilot.
• 0:52
  Misty Celli: Feel present, self-led, and decisive by coming home to who you've always been.
• 0:57
  Misty Celli: Reclaim who you are.
• 0:58
  Misty Celli: Design the life that is fully and intentionally yours, and show up every day as the utmost woman you've always been, not just for everyone else, but finally fully for yourself.
• 1:08
  Misty Celli: This is where you begin the process of returning to your utmost self, not by accident, not by obligation, but by design.
• 1:14
  Misty Celli: Welcome to Your Utmost Life podcast.
• 1:17
  Misty Celli: I'm Misty, Identity and Life Design Coach for Ambitious Mothers.
• 1:20
  Misty Celli: Before we get into it, if you haven't hit follow or subscribe yet, do it now.
• 1:25
  Misty Celli: So feeling like yourself becomes something you keep, not something you have to keep finding again.
• 1:30
  Misty Celli: Okay, let's talk about who you actually are underneath everyone else's version of you.
• 1:35
  Misty Celli: There's a voice most women in your position carry, even if nobody ever pointed it out directly.
• 1:40
  Misty Celli: It's the one that quietly puts you last.
• 1:43
  Misty Celli: It sounds reasonable, even loving.
• 1:45
  Misty Celli: Just handle it yourself.
• 1:47
  Misty Celli: You'll get your time later.
• 1:49
  Misty Celli: Everyone else needs this more than you do right now. I call her the invisible mama.
• 1:54
  Misty Celli: She's not a stranger.
• 1:55
  Misty Celli: She's the version of you that shows up every single day, quietly making sure everyone else is okay, and just as quietly making sure that you are last.
• 2:04
  Misty Celli: She feels like love, she feels like doing the right thing, but she's running your life on a system that was never designed to include you.
• 2:11
  Misty Celli: Underneath her, there's another woman, the one who existed before the roles ever started stacking up.
• 2:17
  Misty Celli: She's still there now, just quieter.
• 2:20
  Misty Celli: I call her the utmost woman.
• 2:22
  Misty Celli: Not someone new you have to become, but someone you're returning to.
• 2:26
  Misty Celli: Today is about closing the gap between those two with an actual method, not just a feeling.
• 2:31
  Misty Celli: Here's what's actually happening right now.
• 2:33
  Misty Celli: Whether you've said it to yourself yet or not, you're standing at a decision point, not a small one.
• 2:38
  Misty Celli: It's not, should I keep listening to this podcast?
• 2:41
  Misty Celli: It's something quieter and much bigger.
• 2:43
  Misty Celli: Do you stay in the identity that's been slowly erasing you?
• 2:48
  Misty Celli: Or do you return to the identity that's been whispering to you this whole time?
• 2:52
  Misty Celli: Remain the invisible mama, familiar, safe feeling, well practiced, or return to the utmost woman, the one who was there before the roles ever started stacking up, still there now, just waiting to be let back in.
• 3:05
  Misty Celli: I can't make that decision for you.
• 3:07
  Misty Celli: Nobody can.
• 3:08
  Misty Celli: But if you're still listening right now, I don't think it's much of a decision anymore.
• 3:13
  Misty Celli: Let me provide you an overview of the blueprint, the method of what actually gets you there, laid out clearly.
• 3:19
  Misty Celli: There are three phases: discover, design, do inside the 3D doctrine.
• 3:25
  Misty Celli: The discover phase is where you reconnect with who you actually are underneath the rules.
• 3:30
  Misty Celli: The truth that you've maybe been avoiding because it feels a bit scary.
• 3:33
  Misty Celli: There is a belief that you have to return to someone you were or let the person go and start over.
• 3:39
  Misty Celli: Let me reassure you, that is not true.
• 3:42
  Misty Celli: Discover is taking a look at the greatness of all seasons and deciding on who you are.
• 3:48
  Misty Celli: The design phase is where that truth gets a shape.
• 3:51
  Misty Celli: The standards, the boundaries, values that help you make decisions about who you are choosing to be on purpose.
• 3:57
  Misty Celli: And the do phase is where it becomes real.
• 4:00
  Misty Celli: Small repeated actions that prove to you and to everyone watching who you've decided you are.
• 4:05
  Misty Celli: You've decided you are more than everyone's everything.
• 4:08
  Misty Celli: You are someone and are living as your utmost self.
• 4:11
  Misty Celli: Inside that, there's one artifact that holds it all together: your identity blueprint.
• 4:17
  Misty Celli: One sentence in your own language that names who you are underneath everything you do for everyone else.
• 4:22
  Misty Celli: And there's one daily practice that keeps it alive.
• 4:25
  Misty Celli: Your calibration reset ritual.
• 4:27
  Misty Celli: Five minutes a day that keeps you connected to her instead of drifting back into autopilot.
• 4:32
  Misty Celli: That's the whole architecture.
• 4:34
  Misty Celli: It's not complicated.
• 4:35
  Misty Celli: It's just something nobody talks about.
• 4:38
  Misty Celli: That finding yourself again could actually have a method instead of just being something you hoped would happen eventually if you've tried hard enough.
• 4:45
  Misty Celli: I want to show you what this actually looks like lived out, not just talked about.
• 4:50
  Misty Celli: And I want to be honest about where this came from.
• 4:53
  Misty Celli: These aren't polished case studies.
• 4:55
  Misty Celli: These are my own field notes, the actual, sometimes clumsy attempts I've made testing this in my own life.
• 5:02
  Misty Celli: One morning, my three words came out before I even had coffee.
• 5:06
  Misty Celli: My husband asked me something small, and my old answer was already halfway out of my mouth, the automatic yes before I even checked in with myself.
• 5:14
  Misty Celli: I caught it mid-sentence and said, ooh, let me think about that.
• 5:19
  Misty Celli: Instead, it felt strange, almost rude, even though it wasn't.
• 5:23
  Misty Celli: That was a breakfast test.
• 5:25
  Misty Celli: Midday, it showed up differently.
• 5:27
  Misty Celli: A request came in for something that wasn't urgent, wasn't really mine to carry, and normally I'd have just absorbed it into my day without a second thought.
• 5:36
  Misty Celli: But I ran it through my three words instead.
• 5:38
  Misty Celli: And the honest answer was no, I said so.
• 5:41
  Misty Celli: Nothing fell apart.
• 5:43
  Misty Celli: And in that evening, it was quieter, less about a decision and more about noticing.
• 5:48
  Misty Celli: I caught myself starting to answer, how was your day?
• 5:52
  Misty Celli: With a rundown of everyone else's day instead of my own.
• 5:56
  Misty Celli: The old reflex, and I stopped and I actually answered the question that was asked.
• 6:01
  Misty Celli: Small, but I noticed.
• 6:04
  Misty Celli: None of these are dramatic stories.
• 6:06
  Misty Celli: That's actually the point.
• 6:08
  Misty Celli: This tool doesn't usually show up in a single big moment.
• 6:12
  Misty Celli: It shows up in a dozen small ones all day if you're paying attention.
• 6:18
  Misty Celli: Now let me walk you through a few moments almost every woman in this position runs into and how naming who you are actually changes what comes out of your mouth.
• 6:26
  Misty Celli: The favor from a friend.
• 6:28
  Misty Celli: Someone needs help planning an event or wants you to take something off their plate and your name comes up, because it always does.
• 6:34
  Misty Celli: And the old pattern says, sure, I can do that before you've even considered your week.
• 6:41
  Misty Celli: But the new pattern, let me check my week and get back to you, which isn't a no, it's just no longer an automatic yes.
• 6:49
  Misty Celli: The last minute request from your adult child.
• 6:52
  Misty Celli: They call needing something today, right now, and normally you drop whatever you're doing without a second thought.
• 6:58
  Misty Celli: But the new pattern is I can't today, but let's find a time this week instead of quietly abandoning something of your own to make it happen.
• 7:07
  Misty Celli: The extra ask at work or in a volunteer role you already carry.
• 7:12
  Misty Celli: Someone hands you one more thing, framed as quick, easy, no big deal.
• 7:17
  Misty Celli: The old pattern is you just take it because you always do.
• 7:22
  Misty Celli: But the new pattern, you say, I want to do this well, so let's figure out what comes off my plate first, instead of silently absorbing it into an already full day.
• 7:32
  Misty Celli: Your parent calling mid-task, they need something, and your instinct is to drop everything immediately, every time, regardless of what you're in the middle of.
• 7:42
  Misty Celli: But the new pattern says, I'm here.
• 7:44
  Misty Celli: Give me 10 minutes to wrap up what I'm doing, and I will call you right back.
• 7:48
  Misty Celli: Instead of abandoning your own thing the second the phone rings.
• 7:52
  Misty Celli: None of these are boundaries said harshly.
• 7:55
  Misty Celli: They're just no longer automatic.
• 7:57
  Misty Celli: They're allowing you time to consider who you are, what your day looks like, and the direction you want to go and how you want to proceed.
• 8:07
  Misty Celli: I want to invite you into something starting today.
• 8:09
  Misty Celli: Try this for seven days.
• 8:11
  Misty Celli: Every time a moment like these come up, pause and ask yourself who you actually are before you answer.
• 8:17
  Misty Celli: Not perfectly, but just noticing.
• 8:20
  Misty Celli: I genuinely would love to hear how it's going for you.
• 8:23
  Misty Celli: So send me what you notice.
• 8:25
  Misty Celli: And in a future episode, I want to read real anonymous moments from women actually living this out, not just me.
• 8:31
  Misty Celli: Until those come in, you've just heard mine.
• 8:33
  Misty Celli: Breakfast, midday, and evening, imperfect and real.
• 8:37
  Misty Celli: I'd rather show you the actual practice than a polished version of it.
• 8:41
  Misty Celli: And here's one small thing you can do today.
• 8:43
  Misty Celli: Set one clean boundary in the next 12 hours using a script this simple.
• 8:49
  Misty Celli: I can't take that on today, but I appreciate you thinking of me.
• 8:53
  Misty Celli: 10 seconds, that's it.
• 8:55
  Misty Celli: That one sentence said once is the whole method in miniature.
• 8:59
  Misty Celli: Discover knowing yourself well enough to check a request against it.
• 9:03
  Misty Celli: Design, deciding in advance what you will and won't carry, and do actually saying the sentence out loud instead of just thinking it.
• 9:11
  Misty Celli: If that one sentence felt good today, even a little, that's your sign.
• 9:16
  Misty Celli: That's exactly what the rest of this is for.
• 9:18
  Misty Celli: So here's where you actually are right now.
• 9:21
  Misty Celli: You can keep searching for the rest of this alone, piecing it together on your own time, one podcast episode, one late night search, one attempt at a time.
• 9:29
  Misty Celli: That's a real option.
• 9:31
  Misty Celli: Or you don't have to search alone.
• 9:33
  Misty Celli: I can walk beside you with the structure already built, the tools already made, real accountability in a community of other women doing the same work instead of you carrying it by yourself the way you've been carrying almost everything else.
• 9:45
  Misty Celli: I'm not going to pretend those two paths cost the same thing in time, in energy, and how long it takes to actually feel like yourself again.
• 9:53
  Misty Celli: But either path starts in the exact same place.
• 9:56
  Misty Celli: Today, with the toolkit.
• 9:58
  Misty Celli: I know what might be sitting with you right now.
• 10:00
  Misty Celli: Misty, isn't a podcast episode enough for right now?
• 10:03
  Misty Celli: Here's my honest answer.
• 10:05
  Misty Celli: What you have now from just today is real.
• 10:08
  Misty Celli: The three words, the naming of the invisible mama, that doesn't go away.
• 10:12
  Misty Celli: But awareness and a fully built life aren't the same thing.
• 10:16
  Misty Celli: Knowing the shape of the path isn't the same as walking it every day with something solid to lean on when the old pattern tries to pull you back, which it will more than once.
• 10:26
  Misty Celli: And there's probably something else underneath that too.
• 10:29
  Misty Celli: What if I start this and I don't follow through the way I haven't followed through on things before?
• 10:34
  Misty Celli: I hear that fear and I'm not going to dismiss it, but you are here listening at the end of an episode about finally choosing yourself.
• 10:43
  Misty Celli: That's not nothing.
• 10:44
  Misty Celli: That's actually evidence of exactly the kind of woman who follows through.
• 10:48
  Misty Celli: Once she has the right structure holding her, that is also why I am here as your coach to hold you accountable, to guide you.
• 10:56
  Misty Celli: You are not alone and you are not incapable.
• 10:59
  Misty Celli: You just didn't have the right structure before.
• 11:02
  Misty Celli: I want you to picture yourself a year from now, having actually lived this out.
• 11:06
  Misty Celli: You know your three words the way you know your own name, without having to think about them first.
• 11:11
  Misty Celli: Boundaries don't cost you the same fight they used to because you've practiced enough that they're just sentences now, not battles.
• 11:18
  Misty Celli: Your family knows a version of you that's actually present, not managing everything from behind the scene.
• 11:24
  Misty Celli: And your kids notice something too, even if they never say it directly.
• 11:27
  Misty Celli: Not because you told them what you were working on, but because they watched you do it.
• 11:31
  Misty Celli: They're old enough now to see you as a woman, not just as their mother.
• 11:35
  Misty Celli: And what they're seeing is someone who chose herself without losing anyone she loved.
• 11:40
  Misty Celli: That's not a lesson you'll ever sit them down and teach.
• 11:42
  Misty Celli: It's one they'll just absorb, the same way they've absorbed everything else about how to live, by watching you model it for them.
• 11:50
  Misty Celli: And somewhere in a quiet moment, maybe at a red light, maybe in the shower, you catch yourself and realize you don't feel like you're searching for her anymore.
• 11:59
  Misty Celli: You just feel like her.
• 12:01
  Misty Celli: That's not a fantasy.
• 12:03
  Misty Celli: That's simply what happens to a woman who keeps choosing this, one small decision at a time, until the choosing becomes who she is.
• 12:11
  Misty Celli: At the start of this episode, I asked if you could answer who you are underneath everyone else's version of you.
• 12:16
  Misty Celli: I think you have a truer answer now than you did 12 minutes ago.
• 12:20
  Misty Celli: You are a great mom.
• 12:22
  Misty Celli: If you weren't, you wouldn't be here listening to this because you wouldn't have given so much of yourself that you started disappearing along the way.
• 12:29
  Misty Celli: You've guided your children, modeled love and sacrificed all things amazing mothers do.
• 12:34
  Misty Celli: But I believe you know that you need to model the next lesson.
• 12:38
  Misty Celli: That love doesn't erase you, that raising children was never the only role you get to hold, and that being everything to everyone was never the only thing you have to offer.
• 12:48
  Misty Celli: You get to model this version of strength, of worth, this version of yourself.
• 12:52
  Misty Celli: Because the truth is, no matter the age of your children, you're still their guide, still teaching them something about what's possible just by how you live.
• 13:00
  Misty Celli: So what do you think your next lesson is?
• 13:03
  Misty Celli: If you're ready to find out, here's your next step.
• 13:06
  Misty Celli: Go to yourutmost.com forward slash starter and get the identity starter toolkit.
• 13:12
  Misty Celli: The link is also in the show notes.
• 13:14
  Misty Celli: This is phase one of three.
• 13:16
  Misty Celli: Discover, Design, Do.
• 13:17
  Misty Celli: Inside the toolkit, you'll draft the first words of your identity blueprint so you can start making decisions without the guilt and the self-sacrifice that used to come with them.
• 13:27
  Misty Celli: That's discover.
• 13:28
  Misty Celli: Design and do are still ahead of you, building that identity into a real shape, then into daily practice that actually holds.
• 13:35
  Misty Celli: And you don't have to build the rest of it by guessing.
• 13:38
  Misty Celli: I'm not just handing you a framework and stepping back.
• 13:41
  Misty Celli: I am your coach through all three phases.
• 13:43
  Misty Celli: I'll guide you, walk beside you through each step, so you're never piecing this together alone the way you have been.
• 13:49
  Misty Celli: That's the difference between knowing what to do and actually having someone in it with you.
• 13:53
  Misty Celli: If you're new here, welcome.
• 13:55
  Misty Celli: This show has more episodes exploring exactly what we covered today, and I'd love for you to explore the feed when you have time.
• 14:01
  Misty Celli: Subscribe so you never miss an episode.
• 14:04
  Misty Celli: If this episode gave you language you didn't have this morning, leave a review.
• 14:07
  Misty Celli: It's how the next woman finds the show.
• 14:09
  Misty Celli: And if someone came to mind while you were listening, send her this episode.
• 14:13
  Misty Celli: Hold this truth.
• 14:14
  Misty Celli: You are more than everyone's everything.
• 14:17
  Misty Celli: You are someone.