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S4 E2 - Who's Indicted Next?? · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_03: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey, thanks, Johnny.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, Jeff, I gotta tell you, Johnny found his way back.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: He decided to leave ICE.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: He came back and he said he kind of apologized for the error of his ways.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: He said he didn't make the lunch money.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, and Christy didn't show him any restaurants in Chicago.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: So he came back.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Now, unfortunately, we're still here.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: But anyway, how's it going, Jeff?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's going good, and I'm glad because you know, uh, the bottom line is I I really do love Johnny.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, he he is a part of our show when he's not acting like a little Nazi youth guy, but you know, I mean a good way.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mean that in a negative way.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: I mean in a good way.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Good Nazi youth, uh a good Nazi youth, and we have a lot to be grateful for.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: I hear that our case is under under appeal and that's going to be reviewed very soon, as soon as the border patrol agents get back from defending the Chicago borders, you know, which which are under attack, you know, especially Wisconsin.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: They have never liked us.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, and do you know the amount of fentanyl that is brought from the Wisconsin border, especially in Kenosha, you know, yeah, and they disguise them as brats, and it's those cheese castle places, you know, on the highway.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, you know, and you know, you think you can go get cheese there or get brats, but it's actually, you know, for drugs, those agents are there fighting the good fight, but otherwise, I feel pretty good.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: How are you holding up?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing well.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, my room here is great, and you know, it's really I this is a great resort, but I I'm gonna say I I wish I was back home.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: Although I gotta tell you, the room service at this Casamel Hilton is really good, and those enchiladas.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: I used some enchiladas last night, and yeah, it's so authentic, right?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: It feels like authentic Mexican, you know what I mean?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Delicious, and yeah, I I've never been a big fan of Mexican food.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Most of the time I'd go to Taco Don's.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, everybody goes to Taco Don's.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, always.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I stopped going there lately because the help, especially the cooks in the back, they're all in their green beret outfits and you know, cooking tacos.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: And and I I actually saw a bottle of Tylenol on one of the counters, and I was like, you know, I don't want to be anywhere near that.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I hear that stuff is gonna kill you.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm really glad that I'm in Mexico where there's authentic food.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I haven't seen any Tylenol here yet.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Have you?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: I have not.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: After they deported all the workers at Taco Don's, that's what they're having the National Guard do, they're having to make the tacos.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there you go.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: It is necessary work.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: I really love it here, Jeff.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Me too.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Part of the problem is that I was having trouble understanding the language, and especially when I was watching TV, you know, big part of you know, when you go on vacation is sitting in your room and watching TV.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, yeah, you can't do you can't do that at home, right?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: You cannot do that at home.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, they they got a lot of channels, but you know, not very many of them were in English.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: But I did find a couple that were in English, and what about you?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: I've really been enjoying watching the TV down here too.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I've particularly been watching court TV, they're televising the ice deportations 24-7.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's just addictive, and episode after episode after episode.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: But actually, I flipped away for a little bit because you know you can only watch the same guys do the same thing so many times.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: I found another court TV channel that's called Miami Vice, or maybe it was Miami Vice President.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, but it was it was a bunch of bunch of really criminal people.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it was vice president, where they show real courtroom drama from the state of Florida.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: So exciting, you know, Florida has the best criminals.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Can't argue with that.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: What what channel is that on?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I'd like to check in on that.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's on channel 666.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: All last week they had this the just incredible trial, this guy.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, Florida, like I say, Florida does have the best criminals because you know they don't say Alabama man, no, it's Florida man.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you, no, they got the best criminals.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh they had a trial of this guy who's accused of killing a bunch of people, or they're all family members of his.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: I was watching and just I wasn't sure which way it was gonna go.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: But last night the jury delivered multiple verdicts.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, yes, 15, no, maybe later, and we don't know.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, but I digress.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: So multiple verdicts.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_03: I was on the edge of my seat.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: So the judge reads these verdicts.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: Man, this guy looked just he looked, he looked like a guy who would kill his entire family, you know.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, some guy I know guys like that, you know?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know the look.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he was standing in front of the judge.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: So the judge says, for the murder of your mother-in-law, hit her in the head with a hammer multiple times, hit her in the head with a hammer.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: The jury finds you guilty.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: Courtroom falls silent, you know.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: And there's one voice in the background to barely hear it on the TV, yells out, You bastard! Minute or so, room quiets down again.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: There's a little hump, little murmur.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Judge wraps the gavel, you know, so it's like on TV.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it was on TV, in fact, but but I digress.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, raps the gavel and continues.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: It says, For the murder of your wife, again, you hit her numerous times on the head with a hammer.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Jury finds you guilty.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: So again, some voice in the back, you bastard! Again, you know, a little murmur, the judge raps the gavel.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: So the judge says, For the murder of your daughter, with again, numerous blows to the head with your hammer, the jury finds you guilty.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: And this time, this guy's really loud.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's like he's come up in the front toward the front of the courtroom, says, You bastard, just yells at it, you know.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: So the judge, you know, it'll take a little bit of abuse, but this was enough.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the guy the judge has finally had enough.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: So court officer brings the guy up, says, Sir, I I understand your reaction, these are terribly heinous crimes, but you have to be quiet in the courtroom, or I'm gonna charge you with contempt of court.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: So the guy says, Look, Your Honor, I'm I'm sorry.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's just that I've lived next to this bastard for 10 years, and every time I went to borrow a hammer, he said, Well, I don't own one.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: That is chilling.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: That is, yes.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: That is, uh, you know, if I don't say so myself, I mean that's a lot of killing.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I think it just goes to prove that you can never tell when someone's lying to you, you know, like a neighbor, and also that guns don't kill people, hammers kill people.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: Hammers kill people, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: And it also proves that horrible crimes happen every day.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, especially the most horrible of crimes, as we all know, are crimes against our king.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: And those who commit those crimes are the real enemies of this country because you know, it's the same.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: If you hate our king, you hate America, right?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: And those are the real enemies, along with, of course, all Democrats, Antifa, Black Lives Matter, and all trans people, or anyone who has even taken transportation.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: But I'd aggress.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: Fortunately, though, our king has made it a priority to go after all his enemies and make the word indictment great again.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's great.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, even though we don't live in the US anymore, and basically we're without a country.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: I still feel proud to be an American or that I used to be American.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: But but you're so right about our king, the law and order king, or should we say the indicter and deporter king.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: We that's probably more accurate, yeah.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we have only been gone for a week, or I guess it's two weeks now, and already he has indicted a bunch of people, future convicted criminals.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, and he has done that while ending eight wars to date.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: To date, yes.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it's it's still early in the morning, you know.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's only Wednesday.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's only Wednesday, that's right.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I we both just got this list of the new indicted that he he emailed over to us.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think we should share that with our audience.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it was emailed at 8 45, so it may not be the most current list, but it's it's probably close within maybe 10 indictments.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's about 45 minutes ago, something like within 10, maybe.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: You want you want to kick us off here, Jeff?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we all know the the two before we left the country, you know, James Comey and Letitia James.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: Those were the obvious ones, you know, clearly enemies of the state, you know, especially James Comey, who pretended like he was actually gonna get him elected, which he did the first time around.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, he committed so many other crimes.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think that was an easy indictment.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: He had the temerity to look into criminal allegations.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, come on.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: What a jerk.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, yes, I want to go through this list.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe we could put these in, you know, an order, like maybe chronological order, like the the oldest of the indictments, all the way up to the current ones, you know, where we get to the democratic governors, which we'll all be indicted to.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe we should should we start there?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that sounds good.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: You want me to take it away?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: The first one on the list is our king's first grade teacher, Miss Banner.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: See, everybody had a Miss Banner, didn't they?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, she was from uh Trump elementary school, they renamed it in his honor, and uh back in Queens, you know, where he grew up.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, says that she gave little Donnie an unsatisfactory grade for his poor sportsmanship.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: She had allowed a gentleman, a little classmate named James Eskew.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_03: I bet he took a lot of abuse in school, didn't he?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: What do you suppose they called him?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: Eskew.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, and I I hesitate to even speculate, but James Eskew is his name, classman of Young Donald's.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: This missed Banner let him stand ahead of him in the recess line on September 12th, just once, September 12th, 1962.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Banner, unfortunately, passed away in 1981 uh from unusual circumstances.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: I I think she either choked on a grape or maybe fell out a window.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: But her daughter Elaine is being indicted for her mother's crimes, you know, sins of the father, or well, sins of the mother, I guess, in this case.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: But clearly justice has no expiration date.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like she deserved it too.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, she let little skewy.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: See, I'm speculating.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't want to I didn't want to speculate.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think I'm doing it.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we had one named SQ2, and we used to call him SQ.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, SQ, yeah.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's yeah, that'd be the other one.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: But go on.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and and speaking of things, uh, you know, justice has no expiration date, but some things that do expire.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so next indictment is for a guy named William A.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_03: Mitchell.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now, there are a lot of William Mitchell's.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: There was the famous Army Aviator in World War II, and yeah, and then there was the guy, the Watergate guy.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: But this William Mitchell uh was the inventor of that popular 60s drink, Tang.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: And you remember we're old enough to remember Tang.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, Tang, maybe it's still around.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't seen it since the Vietnam War ended, maybe.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, maybe it's still around.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: But our king is indicting Mr.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: Mitchell for stating that Tang is the drink of astronauts.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: But see, the drink failed to deliver on that promise for young Donald.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: He drank and drank it, and he never became an astronaut.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: That is so sad.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, it really is.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, a little known fact, our king still drinks orange-flavored tang in the hopes that maybe he could still get up into space, you know.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, John Glenn did, maybe he could too, you know.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Many people have come to me, some of them with tears in their eyes, big strong men, some of them with tears in their eyes, have come to me and said that Mr.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's orange skin color is due to drinking, he drinks 64 ounces of tang every day.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Now, combine that with the Diet Coke, and I of course he wears a diaper, right?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: Who wouldn't have to, right?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody should and drinks them with his chicken McNuggets.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's what he did back in 1962, and yeah, why not now?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: Now, our king, of course, denies all this, says he doesn't know anything.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: He never heard of Tang, never heard of chicken nuggets, but but he's always got his bags packed, ready to go to the moon, ready to go up in space just in case it happens.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I, for one, hope that he does get sent into space.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: I know there are a lot of Americans that hope he goes into space as well.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think we all hope that he goes into space and some of those far-reaching planets, you know, like Uranus.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think he's already there.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Is he?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Is he?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's great, you know, and and I bet there is a path to citizenship for Uranus.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, there is.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think he I think he is a native of Uranus.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think he's got he's got what they call birthright citizenship.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: Although, hey, maybe that's not really a thing anymore because hey, law schmog, right?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but yeah, but but I digress.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but you know, he is actually close to getting there if he would just make up with Elon, you know, and maybe he could stop with trying to indict him because maybe you know he can shoot him up in space sometime.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: We can only hope.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Thumbs up on that one.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: The next people that he's indicting on the list.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this is a group, it doesn't have them by name, but it's it's basically 10 different people, one for each class that he was in in grade school.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: And these people really are criminals in that they go around accusing and spreading rumors that our king had them take all of his tests for him.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: And that is just wrong and completely untrue.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: And if you are looking for proof, look no further than his grades through grade school and into high school, C's and D's.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: If he was gonna have other people take the test for him, don't you think he would have done better than that?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: But he didn't, you know, he took him himself, and yes, he suffered the consequences of only being able to get into Fordham University for the first two years.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: And fortunately, his dad was able to tutor him.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's air quote.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: The check cleared.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, and then eventually he was able to go to a little better school.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: But what these kids did now they're not kids anymore, is criminal.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I understand that the his DOJ is building a case for the death penalty for these kids.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, for the Queen's 10, I guess we would call them, right?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, you know, to your question about wouldn't he get better grades than Cs and D's?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Uh maybe I I hate to give the Queen's 10 a defense here or possible defense, but maybe word got out that he didn't pay anybody for taking the test, and so he couldn't get like the really good students as well.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm no, I'm not gonna do that.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: People he's not gonna pay me.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard that rumor too.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: I, you know, again, those are vicious rumors.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where any of that would come from that he doesn't pay people.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yet another vicious rumor about the king.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, I'm sure most of those kids in the Queen's town are a lot of them are probably already dead from again natural causes like Windows.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: But the next person on the list is is very much alive, and it's uh it's Mary Trump.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: She's says she's his niece, and that's exactly what she's being indicted for.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: See, he says she's lying about being a Trump.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: Now, she says, Yes, I'm the daughter of his brother's brother that kind of split from the family.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: But no, he says, in fact, she was born out of wedlock to Hubert Humphrey.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now you remember Hubert Humphrey, former VP to Linda Johnson, ran for president in 1968.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: Kind of looked like a chipmunk a little bit.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_03: She did a little bit, yeah.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Chipmunk, chipmunkishness too.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:26
  unknown: Yeah.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Uh in fact, she's actually being indicted twice.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: Once for claiming to be a Trump and once for being Humphrey's daughter, which that's actually probably the more serious crime.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's bad for sure.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody wants to be a Trump, you know, but they're only so yeah, but there's only so many people that that have the birthright to call themselves a Trump.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: Clearly, if Mary was a little more supportive of the king, you know, he might look at things differently.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: But no, I think she needs to be indicted.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's like that Tears for Fear song, Everybody Wants to be a Trump.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, can't you hear it?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody wants to be uh Trump.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: The next one on the list is a indictment.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, of I guess it's a family doctor, a Dr.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Philip Hess.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: And his crime now that name is so familiar.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: Didn't we have a relative of his on the show recently?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: Hess.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: I think we may have.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds really familiar.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna look in.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I was gonna say I'm gonna look into it.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, the files are all back at in the U.S.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: obviously.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'll look into it one day.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: I could call Johnny, but yeah, yeah, no, I don't want him looking into anything.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: No, but you know, we're actually closer to Argentina, so maybe we could head over there, you know, get away for the weekend.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we might be able to find that information there.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but his crime is that he actually gave our king bone spurs through some dastardly yeah, experimental surgery.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know exactly what he did or or where he came up with that idea, but as a result, he could not serve our country.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Dr.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Hess basically extended the length of the war because of what he did to our king.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I yeah, and I think that that's really wrong.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man, and here we all thought it was uh Robert McNamara in the defense department.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: It was Dr.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: Hess.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: This next indictment may actually help Dr.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: Hess, might give him a defense, since our king is indicting anyone who says he didn't serve in the military.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh now, a lot of people are saying he didn't serve in the military.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I've we've been hearing that for years, right?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, he he even said it himself on TV shows back when he was younger, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: Fake news fake news, fake news from himself.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: He faked it AI.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: AI, I don't even think he even said it.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, I think Antifa went uh back in 1968 and faked it back in 1968 because they had AI back then.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's just not everybody knows that.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_03: But in fact, the facts are, according to his press secretary, uh not only did our king serve in every branch of our military, but he was awarded uh so many medals.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: He was awarded, of course, the Medal of Honor, he got the Coast Guard Cross, got the Navy Cross, he got the Medal of Valor, and he got really two of the most coveted awards anyone could ever get.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: He got the Blue Cross and the Blue Shield.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: Now that's an American hero.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Very impressive.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of American heroes, well, we're not speaking of American heroes because we're talking about somebody who the Republican Party has a strong interest in, and that is indicting Martin Luther King's family.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Martin Luther King's not around anymore, but they want to indict the family because they still hold close to his name, and they're indicting him for stealing a day of the year without permission from the king.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: One day a year, nothing goes on in this country.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: We got to keep the workers working.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, too many people.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: They're not working on those days off that one day a year, but he doesn't want a lot of upset people, and so he has made an offer to let them off because how long has have they been doing this?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: Year after year after year.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's been I think ever since Ronald Reagan declared that a national holiday.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: That's a long time.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: And what he's decided to do is he is going to allow them to not be indicted as long as they change the name of Martin Luther King's birthday to Donald Trump Day.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: And if he does that, yeah.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's uh another small thing that that he'd like to do, which is he always liked that I had a dream speech from Martin Luther King.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, a lot of people did, yeah.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: But he also wrote a speech that didn't get the kind of attention that that did, and he'd like to replace that with the I Had a I Had a Dream speech.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: And this one's called I Had a Wet Dream.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he wrote that right after watching Some Like It Hot with Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon as the stars.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: I I know that was like one of his favorite movies.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: So those are the only two things he's asking for.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: And and boy, talk about the fart of I mean the art of the deal.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, he's making making an offer to the king family there, not the king family that used to sing on war as well, whole different world.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: And not our king's family, and not our king's family.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of like King and Nice King.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: I got the headline.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: There you go.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: And just to be clear, you're talking about you know, some like it high, just to be clear so we don't get sent to the Cosm L Red Roof, which is not as nice as this place.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: Our King with that wet dream.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: He's talking about Marilyn Monroe, who was also in that movie, not Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon, who you may recall if you've seen the movie, because I've I've watched it several times.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Great, great movie.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: They were addressed as women.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: So, and you know how much he loves drag shows and and big-chested blondes.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you think Pam Bondy is attorney general?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, really?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: Her legal skills?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, please.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you saw her testify to Congress, but yeah, yeah.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Such a sweetheart, you know.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: So pleasant, so respectful of the legal and judicial process.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: But I've never really thought of it the way the way you said.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: And but I think that's well done, Steve, because I I also don't want to go to the red roof and no, no.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: And it was a way to cover yourself though with that blonde comment.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the king is very proud of all of his blonde servants.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: His blonde female servants.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, we could go on this list forever, which is what our king is doing.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: But maybe we should go to you know a few more current ones.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure everybody remembers some like it hot.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe we can do some current ones.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I got one a little more current that's a few years back, but I'm sure some people still remember of Barack Obama.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, our king is indicting President Obama uh to begin with, and most likely all the living presidents are probably gonna follow in in quick succession.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's just to ensure that there's gonna be no criticism from any of the former presidents of the way he rules, and that's gonna let him correctly explain to the country just how bad all the former presidents were.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, the press will repeat his every word without any challenge, as they have been doing for 10 years.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: They'll just let him rant on and just not even challenge a word.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I I did hear though that President Bush, the one, the living one, not the dead one, he's probably gonna indict the dead one too, though.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: But he might be excused, says he's never spoken poorly of our king, yeah, regardless of what our king does.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: Now, that that, I'll tell you, in the king's eyes, that is a great American.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: And an excellent strategy.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: And we all know that when it comes to strategy, President Bush was the best.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and integrity, you know, a man who stood for something and you know, stood for many things.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Not only was he a genius and an incredible military strategist, but his courage to stand up for what is right is off the charts.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, it's nowhere near the charts.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: It never charged.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Never charged.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: But oh, oh, another good one.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, our king plans to indict the three remaining Supreme Court justices because the rest of them are, you know, kind of on vacation permanently.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: Three remaining ones, just a soda my ear, Kagan and Jackson.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna be charged with accepting bribes and gifts.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_03: Basically, they're gonna be charged with accepting their federal pay and actually going in and trying to secure cases.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: So uh this clearly, this is to take the guesswork and drama out of doing what you want as a king, because then you know, with them around, hey, anything could happen in the court, so they got to be deported.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: And deporting all of them would be funnier, but you know, indictments are more effective.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: They are, and when you say the the remaining, you're talking about the remaining liberal, which are you know basically Nazis.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, basically the the only ones that like are actual judges and not you know tools.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: So and that's a really unique idea.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking of unique ideas and thinking out of the box, I see that our king is indicting the mayor of London, Sadiq Khan.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, and I think that they've had some communication in the past, and didn't one of them challenge each each other to an intelligence test.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: I think that was something that had happened.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't want to do that with our king, you know.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I didn't watch that.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but it turns out, I bet you didn't know this.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: Most people don't know that he is actually of Palestinian descent.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: Did not know that.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think the Republicans, you know, the ruling class in this country, they just love it.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that kind of trolling, you know, that we're gonna arrest the mayor of a major city in another country.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: They just think that is the coolest thing to do.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: And even if it's not true, they just love talking about it because it really makes our country stand out as being special, don't you think?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: And and you know, Jeff, I I hate to cut this short, but we are getting a little short on time.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: And it it is Taco Tuesday, which I'm gonna tell you in Mexico, Taco Tuesday is really amazing.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have any plans for Taco Tuesday today?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was thinking the same thing, and you know, it makes me realize how bad the Mexican food is in Chicago, you know, again with Taco Don.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I am so looking forward to it.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: As good as the Taco Tuesdays are here, you know.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: I I kind of hope we get back in the States before Halloween.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I got invited to a really cool Halloween party.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I was gonna go as an ice age and I already got the mask and everything.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, how funny would that be?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, maybe if you can come to the party, maybe you can dress up as an as an illegal and I I'll chase you around.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds great.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: There are a couple more real quick ones I just want to highlight before we go.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, one of them is that he's going to be indicting his barber, Floyd the Barber.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, and I think he's indicting him because he believes that his barber did something to his hair, you know, because he always had great hair.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: And now he doesn't, you know, that you know, kind of like a lion's mane.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: If he did do something to his hair, he does need to be put in jail and throw away the key.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I also saw that he is going to indict all the voters of the Emmy Awards and try to get them put behind bars.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: They are being indicted on 13 counts for all the 13 seasons that the apprentice was on, and he did not get an Emmy Award for that.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's completely wrong.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: And last but not least, this is a surprise to me.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: It looks like Bill Maher is also being indicted.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm surprised, you know, with as much ass kissing as he has done to the king to end up being indicted anyway.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what he did to get in that much trouble, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_03: He's been pretty funny as a comedian, but you know, we can't all be funny, edgy, and on the right side of truth.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, we can't all be Greg Gutfeld.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'll tell you, you know, we just can't.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_03: We're getting very short on time, but uh I think we're on the right track here.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I I really think we got a shot at getting back into the country.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: But hey, it's up to the appellate court, and uh, ultimately might be up to the Supreme Court.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that would be great.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe we should go back and edit some of this stuff.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, ooh.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but I think we should give a hand to to the king.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think he did a wonderful job with this first round of indictments, and I'm looking forward to seeing what else is is left or who else is left.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm sure there's more coming.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_03: There might there might be more already that we didn't even haven't heard about yet, but it's already in place.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: So meanwhile, all these indictments are making me thirsty.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: How about we go out and grab a few margaritas?
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm liking the way you think.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_03: Johnny, I don't know if you can hear us back there in eccentric Lady Land Studios, but if you can, now that you're back, you traitor, now that you're back, if you can take us out of this show, please take us out.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck you, Johnny.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right, Steve?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: And Jeff, right back at you.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: This has been Revenge Tour production in association with Weaponized Justice Media.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, StephenJoff.com.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is Johnny Speaking.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to be back.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Drinking pop up with Steve's mom is more fun than waiting for grandmas to come out of mass so I can kidnap him.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: I had real problems with that.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, do you ever stand outside all day in Chicago in the fall?
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the perks all go to the guys who pop ministers in the face with pepper spray.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's so unfair.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hurry back, Stephen Jeff.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or don't.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Good night!