Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Fire Someone With Respect
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been a manager for six months. Your team is generally solid, but there's one person — let's call him Alex — who's been consistently underperforming. You've given feedback. You've set clear goals. Nothing's changed. At some point, you have to decide: is it time to let Alex go? Luna: And that decision — especially for a new manager — feels enormous. Because you're not just firing someone. You're ending a relationship, and you're potentially upending someone's life. Lucas: Right. And there's a lot of bad advice out there. Some people say 'fire fast, fire often.' Others say 'you should never fire anyone unless you absolutely have to.' The truth is somewhere in the middle. Today I want to walk through a specific case — a manager named Maya at a 50-person SaaS company — and how she handled a termination that was both necessary and as respectful as possible. Luna: I love that we have a concrete example. What was the situation with Maya? Lucas: Maya was promoted from individual contributor to engineering manager about eight months ago. She inherited a team of five. One person — we'll call him Ben — had been at the company for three years. He was well-liked, contributed in meetings, but his output was consistently below what the team needed. He'd miss deadlines, his code had a higher than average bug rate, and he wasn't improving despite multiple conversations. Luna: That 'well-liked' part makes it so much harder. Because if you fire Ben, the rest of the team might think you're unfair or that you don't value loyalty. Lucas: Exactly. And Maya was terrified of that. So she did something smart: she documented everything. Every one-on-one, every feedback conversation, every written goal. She had three formal performance conversations over two months — not just 'hey, you need to do better,' but specific, measurable expectations. Luna: Three formal conversations — is that the magic number? Lucas: I think it's a good rule of thumb. One conversation to identify the issue. A second to set a clear improvement plan with a timeline. And a third to evaluate progress. If after three documented conversations there's no improvement, you have a strong case that you gave the person a fair chance. In Maya's case, after the third conversation, Ben had actually regressed — his output dropped further. Luna: So at that point, she knew she had to act. What did she do next? Lucas: She called me — well, she called her HR partner — and they reviewed the documentation together. HR confirmed that they had enough to proceed with termination. And then they scheduled a meeting for the following Monday morning. The key detail: Maya insisted on delivering the news herself, in person, not via a generic HR script. Luna: That's brave. Most managers want to hide behind HR or send an email. But doing it in person — that's the respectful part. Lucas: Right. And she kept the conversation short. She said, 'Ben, I'm sorry to tell you that we're ending your employment with the company effective today. This decision is final. We'll walk through the logistics — here's your severance, here's how COBRA works — and I want to make sure you leave with dignity.' The whole thing took about 90 seconds. Luna: Ninety seconds? That seems almost too fast. But I suppose the longer you drag it out, the more painful it is. Lucas: Exactly. The decision has already been made. You're not there to negotiate. You're there to deliver the news clearly and compassionately. Any longer and you risk getting into an argument or giving false hope. Maya had prepared a written summary of next steps — severance, benefits, how to return equipment — so Ben didn't have to remember everything. Luna: That's a great idea. A one-page document. What about the rest of the team? That's often the part new managers forget. Lucas: Maya held a team meeting later that day. She said, 'Ben is no longer with the company. I can't share specifics about his departure, but I want to acknowledge that this is a change. I'm here to answer any questions you have about how we'll move forward.' She didn't badmouth Ben. She didn't over-explain. She just acknowledged the change and refocused on the work. Luna: And did the team react negatively? Lucas: A couple of people were surprised. One person asked directly, 'Was he fired?' Maya said, 'I can't discuss Ben's situation, but I trust that the process was fair and thorough.' And honestly, because she had been so transparent about performance expectations in the months prior, most team members weren't completely blindsided. They had seen the feedback conversations happening. Luna: So the documentation wasn't just for legal protection — it was also for the team's trust. Lucas: Exactly. One thing I want to emphasize: termination is not a failure of management. Sometimes it's the right call for the team and for the individual. Ben ended up finding a role at a smaller startup where his slower pace was actually a better fit. He's been there for a year now and doing well. Luna: That's a great outcome. But I think a lot of new managers worry about wrongful termination lawsuits. What's the single biggest protection? Lucas: Documentation. And consistency. If you have a policy that says 'three verbal warnings then a written warning,' you have to follow it for everyone. If you fire someone for missing deadlines but let other people slide, you've created a potential discrimination claim. Also, never fire someone via email or text. Always do it in person or via video call if remote. Luna: And one more thing: timing. Don't fire someone right before a holiday or on their birthday. That's just cruel. Lucas: Absolutely. Maya scheduled the meeting for a Monday morning so Ben could start his job search fresh that week. She also made sure he had access to outplacement services — a coach to help with resume and interviews. That's a small investment that can make a huge difference in how the person remembers the experience. Luna: So to recap: document three performance conversations, keep the termination meeting under two minutes, have a written summary prepared, and communicate with the team without oversharing. That's a solid framework. Lucas: And one more thing I want to add: prepare emotionally. Maya told me she cried in her office afterward. That's normal. It's okay to feel sad. You're ending someone's chapter at your company. But if you've done it fairly and respectfully, you can hold your head up. Luna: Speaking of holding your head up — if this episode helped you think through a tough management scenario, that's the kind of thing that keeps us going. We keep the show ad-free, listener-supported. So if today's conversation was worth a coffee to you, you know where to find us. Lucas: Yeah, it's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure — just if it made a difference for you. And honestly, even just sharing the show with a fellow new manager goes a long way. Luna: Absolutely. Okay, back to the topic. One question I had: how do you handle the transition period after a termination? The team's workload suddenly shifts. Lucas: Great question. Maya immediately redistributed Ben's active projects across the remaining four team members, but she also set a one-month buffer. She told her boss, 'We're going to miss some deadlines, and I need you to protect the team from external pressure while we adjust.' That's managing up. Luna: And did she hire a replacement? Lucas: Not immediately. She waited six weeks to see if the team could absorb the work or if the role needed to be redefined. That turned out to be smart — they realized they actually needed a different skill set, so they rewrote the job description and hired someone more senior. Luna: So the termination became an opportunity to upgrade the team. Lucas: In Maya's case, yes. But I want to be clear: that's not the goal. The goal is fairness. Sometimes an upgrade happens, sometimes not. But if you handle the termination well, you build trust with the remaining team. They see that you'll make hard decisions when necessary, and that you'll do it with respect. Luna: And that's the mark of a good manager. Lucas: Exactly. A good manager doesn't avoid hard conversations. They lean into them — prepared, documented, and with as much humanity as possible.