Latest / He's Hot but Something's Off... / HHBSO 117: Don't Ask Me What My "Type" Is

Transcript

HHBSO 117: Don't Ask Me What My "Type" Is · He's Hot but Something's Off...

0:02
Hello, welcome to He's hot, but something is off.
0:09
Just a reminder right off the top, the video version of the
0:13
podcast is available on my YouTube channel, just Joey T
0:17
I've been trying to come up with a better background for the
0:23
video version of the podcast. So long time listeners, long
0:27
time watchers of the video version of the podcast, you
0:31
might have seen quite a few different backgrounds in the
0:35
early episodes from. I think I've been doing this for
0:38
like a year and a half now. We've I've, I've done quite a
0:40
few episodes and the very early ones, I had my office, which is
0:47
my primary bedroom in my apartment.
0:50
The primary bedroom. It's not my bedroom.
0:53
I sleep in the smaller secondary bedroom because my bed only
0:59
takes up a small amount of space.
1:00
There's nothing else in the bedroom except like the bed.
1:04
But my primary bedroom is still quite large and even before I
1:09
moved in while we were in escrow, I had intended for that
1:13
bigger bedroom to be like a multi functional space.
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I still have my day job then and I was working remotely.
1:22
Like fully remotely and it was still COVID times.
1:27
I moved into this place like September of 2020, like
1:31
beginning of COVID basically. And I had intended for like 1/4
1:38
of that primary bedroom to be like a little office work from
1:42
home space. I got my desk and got my
1:43
monitors and all that stuff. And then half of the room was
1:49
supposed to be a home gym. And I did have a home gym for
1:53
quite a few months. And then once everything kind of
1:57
reopened in like 21 into 22, whenever that was, I had a
2:03
weight rack, like a squat rack, like a proper full on one.
2:07
And I took all that down and I put a mattress in there kind of
2:14
as like a guest area. So over the years that room has
2:19
evolved, but at some point I had a desk in there and that was my
2:24
podcasting space. And in the really early versions
2:27
of the video podcast, you can see I had this green background
2:34
in person. It was like a lovely light mint
2:40
green shade. In the video, it looks a little
2:45
warmer than mint green, but in person the video looks a little
2:50
yellow, but in person it was just like a really light mint
2:53
green. It's very pleasant.
2:54
It was like airy and cool type of a feel because of the unique
2:59
way my camera's set up on in the video, it looks like a little
3:02
too warm and yellow. But anyways, so now I just have,
3:06
I can't if you're watching it, the my living room is actually
3:10
off to my right and off to my left.
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It's actually just like the door to my apartment.
3:16
Now, I was neither here nor there.
3:17
You didn't sign up for this podcast to to hear me talk about
3:21
the background. But I really wanted to.
3:24
I haven't figured it out yet. I want to have like a nice
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looking podcasting space for when people watch the video
3:31
versions. And I've got this like empty
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wall back here and this desk that I want to get rid of.
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And then, yeah, I don't know, sometimes I watch other people's
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video podcasts and they have such nice podcasting spaces and
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like I have a 2 bed, 2 bath apartment, which should be tons
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of space for me to like set up something.
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But here I am just podcasting at like the dining room table.
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Yeah, I'm trying to figure out I want I want to have like a nice
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looking podcasting space. I mean, the only reason, the
4:05
only reason I still have that mattress in the multi purpose,
4:12
multi functional primary bedroom space, especially David Lamb
4:16
comes here once in a while. If it not for him, I would just
4:20
get rid of that mattress. He's actually, he's actually in
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the bedroom right now. Anyways.
4:25
Yeah, we're just going to we're just going to chill and relax.
4:28
I don't have anything super important to talk about today.
4:31
You know, I started this podcast as a way for me to just say
4:37
whatever I want whenever I want to.
4:39
We don't always have to have a big, big important topic to talk
4:46
about on this podcast. On this podcast, sometimes I
4:48
just hang out one topic, one topic that I've had on my list.
4:54
I do keep a list of topics I I want to talk about.
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One topic I've had on my list forever and I think I will
5:00
actually do it soon. I want to talk about the hot
5:05
guys that are at my gym. I was at the gym today and it
5:10
was a little, it wasn't disappointing, but it was like,
5:12
oh, none of none of my gym hotties are at the gym today for
5:16
whatever reason. Today when I was at the gym at
5:19
the normal hour, just yeah, none of my gym crushes someone.
5:24
David the other day. It's not often that I find
5:28
people attractive. Like, yeah, you like you might
5:33
see people that are like physically hot, OK, in the sense
5:37
that like emo about hook up with them, sure, But for me, it's
5:43
rare to see people and find a attraction to them in a way
5:51
where it looks like, Oh, you look like the type of guy I
5:55
would want to date. Like not just have a quickie.
6:01
You know, there's, there's always, there's always like a
6:04
hotter, sexier guy in terms of like the just the physical
6:09
attraction around the corner. But it's not that often that I
6:15
will see someone without really knowing them that I will see
6:21
someone and think like you kind of look like a person.
6:24
You kind of look like someone I would date.
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I don't know if this is like a normal thing, but I have, I
6:30
have, I have very much, I base a lot the first impression
6:37
visually that I get from someone.
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And, and, but there have definitely been people where
6:41
like as I've gotten to know them more in some capacity, maybe
6:45
with their Co workers or friends or acquaintances, like whatever
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it is that like I have. Obviously the more you know
6:53
about someone, the more your opinion of that person is going
6:57
to evolve and possibly change from your first impression.
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But that aside, I feel like it's rare for me to see someone and
7:07
think, oh, you look like someone I would want to date.
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It's quite rare. I was just telling David Lamb
7:14
that, you know, I find quite a lot of people at my gym to be
7:21
quite attractive in that way. Like just quite a few people at
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my gym and I see them all the time because they're gym
7:29
regulars and I go there all the time.
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There's quite a few of them where I can actually imagine
7:35
myself dating them. Now, this is very weird and I
7:40
suspect it's because if you ever, if you just see someone
7:44
once and you never see them again, just like, you know,
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maybe you go to a bar or you're just doing errands at the
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grocery store, at the coffee shop, wherever you see someone
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once, you might be checking out people, but you don't.
7:57
You see him once and maybe you never see him again.
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But I think in this instance for me, because I go to the gym like
8:05
five times a week and most of the times when I go out see some
8:09
number of them. So I've seen them like dozens if
8:13
not hundreds of times by now because I've been to that gym
8:16
for like what, like 3 or 4 years now?
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So I don't know it, it just feels weird because I don't, I
8:23
know nothing about these people. I don't talk to them.
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I have my headphones on. I'm just working out.
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Most of the people at my gym, they have headphones on and
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they're just working out. Sometimes some of them might
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have like a friend that they're working out with, but there's
8:39
not a lot of talking that goes on at my gym.
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But most people are going there solo.
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They're not working out with someone then they don't have a
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trainer that they're working with.
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They're just doing their own thing.
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And that's the same with me. Yeah, I, I just find it weird
8:52
that usually I, I find it so rare to see someone that I feel
8:59
like you look like the type of person I would want to go on a
9:04
date with, but not that I've been at my gym for so long.
9:07
There's like multiple of them at my gym.
9:09
But the other thing is I also don't want to, but the logical,
9:14
some of you are going to be asked, well, why don't you just
9:15
go talk to one of them? Like why don't you go talk to
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them? The thing for me is, yeah, it
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it's great that they look nice and they look attractive at the
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gym. That's fine.
9:25
I also don't want to like shit where I eat.
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Is that what the saying is? Because I go to the gym so often
9:36
that I don't want to make it awkward between me and anyone
9:40
else that goes to that gym. And you know if you hit on
9:45
someone at the gym, but you're a gym regular, you've seen them
9:50
multiple times. So you know what?
9:51
They are a regular at the gym as well.
9:54
If you hit on someone and they're not interested, you
9:58
know, there's likely going to be some sort of awkwardness in
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terms of like maybe it's hard for them.
10:06
It may or may not be awkward for you.
10:09
For me, I'm very much AI don't hate on people very much, but
10:12
I'm very much like, you know, if if you're not interested in me,
10:17
I'm OK with that. Like you can just tell me.
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I feel like that's not the default for most people because
10:27
most people by default, if we ever have to like turn down
10:30
someone or give negative news to someone, we're always trying to
10:34
sugarcoat. And for me, it's like, for me,
10:38
it's very like clear cut black and white.
10:41
You know, if I, I wish we could have this thing where like
10:46
people can, I can just go to someone and say, Hey, I think
10:49
I'm attracted to you. Are you attracted to me?
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And then they can just tell me like yes or no.
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And then we can just, like, do something about it if they say
10:56
yes or if there's no, just like, no strings, no awkwardness and
11:00
just move on. But people are not robots.
11:03
Yeah. But anyways, I just found it
11:05
interesting that, yeah, there are quite a few people at the
11:08
gym that I can actually imagine myself dating.
11:13
And I think if I any of these guys, if I had just randomly
11:17
seen them at a coffee shop one time or at the grocery store one
11:23
time, like if these were not people that I've seen in person
11:27
dozens of the hundreds of time by now, I don't know if I would
11:31
feel the same way. It's kind of like when you see
11:35
the same people regularly over and over again, does that kind
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of breathe some sort of some familiarity?
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Is that the word that they, they kind of sort of like you get
11:48
accustomed to them in some way in your eye, in your head?
11:53
I think that's probably what's happening.
11:57
But oh, one thing I've always wanted to talk about is what I
12:04
would want, what I would look for in a partner, because
12:08
sometimes I will like, well, not I date very rarely.
12:13
And sometimes people ask me, you know, it's sometimes a common
12:16
conversation question that comes up is, oh, like, what, what type
12:21
of guy are you into? And I hate that question because
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it implies that I'm only in into one type of guy.
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And it's annoying to answer because like, maybe yes, maybe
12:36
that's true, Maybe that's not true.
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But I feel like over the years as I've explored and visited
12:43
like more countries and cultures and things like that, being
12:47
exposed to like a greater variety and diversity of people
12:52
that I dislike that question more and more because it's just
12:58
like hard to, it's just, it's hard to answer.
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If it was proven that I really had just like one type of guy
13:03
that I I'd be into, then I think it'll be easier to answer.
13:08
I do sometimes find interesting like what what type of guy am I
13:12
into? Not just like fiscally, but like
13:15
what kind of like personality traits would what I want in a
13:20
partner? So the last guy that I kind of
13:24
dated, we never like put a label on him or never talked about it,
13:27
but even it wasn't serious. But like we did go on like
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multiple, I guess you would call them dates, sure.
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But, you know, one of the things that indicated to me that maybe
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we wouldn't be a great match is that like between me and my
13:50
close friends, we do talk about race and how we are affected by
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it. Because, you know, like we a
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lot, a lot of my close friends are of Asian descent.
14:04
They're like of an Asian background.
14:06
Some of them are not. But you know, and sometimes we
14:08
make, you know, we, we talk about that because, you know,
14:12
living in the US, for example, as in Asian American, you know,
14:17
that's sometimes there are topics related to that that are
14:20
worth discussing. You know what, And sometimes me
14:23
and my friends, we make certain jokes that are very not PC.
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And sometimes those not PC jokes are unsurprisingly around race.
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You know, this person that I was like, quote UN quote, had gone
14:35
on some dates with, he's white. And whenever some sort of joke
14:40
like that came up in conversation, you can just see
14:44
that like white guilt, like come out a little bit like that, that
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slight bit of uncomfortableness because he has realized that,
15:00
you know, like, we're talking about a like, a like a racial
15:04
topic. And sometimes there'll be some
15:05
humor associated with it. And you can tell he's doing that
15:10
uncomfortable white person thing.
15:12
And I don't think I can be with someone like that.
15:17
Well, there's something wrong. So The thing is like the fact he
15:20
has an awareness of the, the, the nervousness kind of comes
15:26
from his awareness of like the situation.
15:30
And having the awareness is good.
15:32
But I, I don't, I, I don't think I can be with someone who like
15:38
cringes whenever I crack like a like a Asian related joke with
15:43
my friends. I don't know.
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How do straight people do it? I've no idea.
15:48
Yeah, it's, it's just sometimes like little things.
15:50
I think partially for me though, is I, I haven't dated many
15:56
people. It's not a priority for me to
16:01
find a partner. When I was younger in like my,
16:06
my late teens, I guess even like early 20s, I felt like, oh, I
16:16
should, I should have a boyfriend.
16:18
But I think a lot of people that are like in their teens and 20s,
16:21
they have a more idealistic or romanticized idea of a
16:31
significant other. You know, at my age, I'm not,
16:34
I'm not in my teens anymore at all.
16:37
I just, I don't put in any effort to date and I haven't for
16:41
years. You know, when Tinder first
16:44
became a thing? Yeah, I was on Tinder.
16:46
You were like swipe left or right or whatever.
16:48
I don't know. I never got onto online dating.
16:52
Grinder is not AI. Don't call it Grinder a dating
16:56
app. It's a hooked up app.
16:57
I know like trade people like to call it a dating app.
17:01
It's for hooking up. OK.
17:04
And for me, Grinder's just entertainment.
17:05
I don't really talk to people on Grinder.
17:07
For me, it's, it's just entertainment to like to see
17:10
who's around. I don't really interact.
17:12
Yeah, I never warmed up to the dating apps, the online dating
17:18
apps, and I would much rather meet someone in person and then
17:25
get a vibe from them in person. It's one of those things where
17:29
like you can't replicate that experience in any sort of app,
17:33
any sort of technology really. Because the way I would, the way
17:39
I know if, if it's someone that looks like I might want to date,
17:44
is not just the way they look physically, right?
17:49
It's all the little sort of nuances you get when you see
17:53
someone in person. You know, their body language,
17:59
their facial expressions, the way they carry themselves.
18:03
Do they seem to be more like a shy person or like a more
18:06
extroverted, You know, even if you don't like interact with
18:10
that person, there's so much you can tell from someone's body
18:15
language and facial expressions. So that's kind of how I really
18:18
tell. That's how I know when I see
18:22
someone in real life in person, if that person looks like
18:26
someone I could imagine myself actually going on a date with.
18:31
Yeah, most of the time the answer is no, but like very
18:34
rarely, sometimes the answer is yes.
18:37
Like all these guys that are in my gym, some of them like
18:41
there's just a variety of guys. It's it's amazing.
18:45
I kind of love my gym for that because there's so many
18:49
attractive guys in my gym. Not that they look like models.
18:52
They did not like model looking people, but like I find them
18:57
attractive and just so many of them.
19:00
It's going to be an uncut episode.
19:02
It's going to an uncut episode for my Patreon subscribers at
19:05
some point that I'll go into. I don't, I don't know their
19:08
names. OK, but I have like when I see
19:11
them, I recognize them, but I don't know anything about them.
19:12
I've never talked to any of them.
19:14
I can give someone a description of what they look like visually,
19:23
but that's it. I don't know their names, but
19:25
yeah, that's, that's a very interesting.
19:27
But some of them I could imagine myself going on a date with some
19:30
of them. I just want to, you know, not
19:34
every guy you find attracted to you're going to want to and not
19:37
every guy that you not every person that you find attractive,
19:41
you're going to want to date. I feel like I can, I can, you
19:44
can show me a photo of someone and I can tell you pretty
19:48
quickly whether like, oh, you know, I, I find this person,
19:53
whether I find that person attractive or not, You know, I
19:55
do find that person attractive, whether I find them attractive
19:58
for like a one night stand or for something more.
20:02
Because whenever I see someone, I feel like in my head, there's
20:05
some sort of weird algorithm in my head where that's kind of
20:08
what it goes through. You know, whenever you see
20:11
someone, if you're attracted to them, you'll know it right away
20:14
on some level, right? But then in my head I'm very
20:16
like, oh, I would like to, I would, I would like to give it
20:19
that person. For like 15 minutes and this
20:22
other person's like, oh, I, I would want to date Pat that
20:25
looks like someone I want to date.
20:26
Is that a normal thing? I would love to hear if this is
20:31
what some of you might also do. Maybe none of you do that.
20:35
Maybe none of the three of you that are listening.
20:37
But for me it's, I'm checking out, I, I feel like I'm checking
20:41
out guys all the time when I'm out in public and quite a few of
20:47
my friends, they're like, I'm, I don't check out people when I'm
20:49
out and about, But I feel like for me, it's not like a
20:54
conscious thing I do when I'm out to be like, oh, I need to
20:56
like look at the guys and rate everyone that I see on the
21:01
sidewalk to see me attractive. Just like a subconscious thing.
21:03
Someone's walking your way on the sidewalk, you're going to
21:08
notice that they're there and you're going to look at them,
21:10
even if it's for like a quick second.
21:11
And if that person happens to be attractive to you, like, you
21:15
know, something's going to go off in your head, like a little
21:17
light bulb will go off in your head, right.
21:19
Yeah. So.
21:20
So that's what it is. But yeah, I, I don't, I don't
21:24
know if this was like, was this a coherent conversation?
21:29
Was, was this some coherent podcasting?
21:32
I don't really know. I need to work on an outline.
21:34
I actually need to like, write down.
21:36
OK all the guys that I find attractive in my gym.
21:39
It will be a episode for my Patreon subscribers who get the
21:45
extra uncut episodes of the podcast every single.
21:50
But yes. And today I was a little bummed
21:52
because I didn't see any of them.
21:52
But yesterday when I or the last time that I went like 2 days ago
21:56
and I went a little later in the day than usual.
21:59
Like three of them were at my gym.
22:01
One of them was like, OK, I don't think I want to.
22:04
I can't imagine some of dating you, but I can definitely
22:07
imagine myself being in the shower with you in the locker
22:12
room. I, I don't know if I need to
22:13
bleep any of that because of like the YouTube.
22:16
And then there's another one of them where, oh, you're like more
22:20
of a, you are a little bit more of like a mystery.
22:24
Like I've never seen you smile and you kind of sort of have
22:28
like RBF, but you look like one of those people where if you do
22:32
smile it, it would be like the most beautiful.
22:34
It would either be the most beautiful smile.
22:37
Like, you know, sometimes someone has a very attractive
22:38
smile. You look at that type of person,
22:41
you either have a very attractive smile or like a
22:43
really bad one. There's like no in between with
22:46
this person. This person is usually very like
22:48
expressionless little bit RBF at the gym.
22:53
And then there's a third person that I call him the token
22:55
straight guy because I'm pretty sure he's straight and he
22:57
dressed like a gap commercial at the gym.
23:00
It's always like a white shirt, like a white crew neck tee type
23:05
of a thing. And he has like kind of khaki
23:09
colored pants. They're not khakis, but he's,
23:12
he's 9090% time. He wears the exact same thing.
23:17
He he walks around a little like a straight person.
23:20
You know, the gaydar is not going off at all on that one.
23:24
Yeah, but all three of those guys.
23:25
Oh, there's also, there's also a trainer guy.
23:28
There's a trainer at my gym that I find attractive, but I, I very
23:31
much will not. It's I would never hit on
23:34
someone at the workplace. It's so uncomfortable, like I'm,
23:39
no matter how hot I think someone is who's like the
23:43
barista at the coffee shop or like who's, you know, at the
23:47
checkout when I'm getting groceries or who's like a
23:49
personal trainer at my gym, like they're working there.
23:52
They I don't think people appreciate being hit on at the
23:56
workplace. It's so awkward and, and
23:59
comfortable, right. So, Oh, there is one time.
24:06
There is one time where I did like slightly hit on a flight
24:14
attendant on a flight. That's a whole story in itself.
24:17
All I need to write that down for it to be like a future
24:20
podcast topic. But that there's more nuance
24:24
than that than just like me hitting on a flight attendant,
24:27
which normally would be like, OK, you're in this enclosed tube
24:30
for hours at a time. The flight attendant's jobs are
24:33
really hard enough. Like don't hit on them.
24:35
I will also maybe make that part of the oh, that should be uncut.
24:39
All these stories where I hit on guys, I, I got a few of them,
24:43
not a lot, but a few. I feel like those all need to be
24:47
reserved for my Patreon subscribers on the uncut
24:50
episodes. So if you haven't checked, what
24:53
if I told you this whole episode was just to like rile you up for
24:57
content that you need to pay money for?
25:00
I'm not too proud to beg. Join my pay me, bitches.
25:04
Pay me some money and join my Patreon, OK?
25:07
It's not that expensive. For $3 a month, you fucking
25:11
cheapos, you can subscribe to my Patreon and get all the uncut
25:15
episodes, every past uncut episode.
25:18
It's all up there. You pay $3 and you listen to all
25:21
of them. See, there you go.
25:24
So, all right, I I'm gonna, I'm gonna write this down.
25:27
I have a lot of topics I want to talk about, but I have to save
25:30
all the juicy stuff for my paying Patreon subscribers.
25:33
So there you go, until next time, bye y'all.