Latest / Jess Ask / Foster Care to Freedom: How God Rewrote My Adoption Story | FT Stephanie Byrd | EP123

Transcript

Foster Care to Freedom: How God Rewrote My Adoption Story | FT Stephanie Byrd | EP123 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another day?
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Do you already know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And then you know it's about to get real to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be sure to show your girl the love and like,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: come in and subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: For another day. Hey, hey, I know we could be
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: You will shoe drift though if your souls now it's
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Sunday school, range it in. Jeesus, you will shoe drift though,
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: drift though. My daddy will hit the drift. That's their quickning.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: But listen, listen, don't let's not talk about that quickening
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: because it will quicken me out of this place. Y'all.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: You already know where you are. You've letted in the
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: same space with influences, decompressed, have fun and guess what
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: just it's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: We about to live a good time with thin. Here's
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: ad a really good sign y'all us. Today's guess is lips. Okay,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: today's give give good hugs. But before I started talking
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: about good hugs, I gotta give y'all. Y'all's other songs
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: are does already does a rad? What's up you guys? Uh,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: it's Thursday, welcome back. It's Thursday, and you can't see
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: her again, you know. And it's not her fault see
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: this time. See he just because to get on me
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: all the time. I used to turn on all that stuff.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: And now guess what, it ain't my fault. I ain't
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: got used to. You don't have a middle fire right now?
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you? It was whatever. But I'm so proud of
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: you because you you put your makeup on, and you
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: put your lashes on, and you dye your hair, you
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: make sure your air j up straight. You know you're
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: you're evolving. You know you're evolving. You know called my
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: my self girl error. Not because you got permission to
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: be soft. Let's talk about that. Okay. You gotta give
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: women permission to be soft, or she's gonna assume the position,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: to assume the position maybe not her position of like
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: being that that protection and all that stuff like that
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: when she has to do herself. Yes, but when you're
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: permitted to be soft, I needn't wait for my season
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: of permission to be just soft. So okay, okay, all right, yeah, yeah,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: that's gonna be doing y'all. Yeah, I'm soft, I'm not
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: my soft, y'all. This is about to be a super
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: amazing guys. I'm super excited. Let's tell us where y'all from.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Where you're watching from? Go ahead, comes like, I'm from Brooklyn. Yeah,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I'm from Louisy Island. I'm from Birmingham. Shot out of
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: my city. I love my Okay, is it a laugh
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: button over there? No it ain't. I think you just
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: don't know how to presh see y'all. Shot, y'all, give
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: a headcloud for enterprise. Go ahead and do the prown
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: go priss the button for give yourself around the past
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: for the three people yo said and did and it's
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: all right, and we know we need them to we
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: on the map though you are, you're located, Google you baby, listen,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: we can google the Enterprise going to the beach. They
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: know Enterprise is yeah, the shot the space through. You know,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: you gotta like we got a whole Walmart to not
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: a Walmart, a neighborhood in one sort, it's not a
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: super Starbucks and a you know, a chip full lace car.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Don't do enterprise baby, I'm home on the bowl weavils.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: You don't know and we don't eat. We still don't
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: know what a bow weavil is. It's above that, Aida Cotton,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: It's the whole above that, Aida Kaite. Oh my God
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: does a ray. I'm about to be done with you
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: because it's time to get to this guds. But but
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: right before this, I want you guys to know that
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: it's community highlights, Community highlights time community hegh. This is
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: where we celebrate our people that have decided to join
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: the Yes three sixty five collective, our free community that
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: is accessible via the What's app okay, provided to you
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: by Facebook. If you would like for me to say
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: your business name like that on my podcast, just hit
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: me up and I'll get you a sponsorship pack. Shit shameless,
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: shameless flood, very shameless flood. We are open to the
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: sponsorships anyway. But no, this community Highlight. I had to
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: double back on this des already because this woman has
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: has really really shown me that God is intentional with
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: this platform, and this platform goes beyond the both of
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: us write this platform. It might be called just asked,
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: but that's because Jesus asked, okay he asks Jessica. The
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Lord asked Jessica to hey, will you will you say yes?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: And I gave him a yes. And because I gave
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: him a yes, I get to meet amazing people like
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: my girl ki Yanna Shaw. Yes I didn't. I didn't
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: spent the block. Oh your name listen. I just want
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: to say thank you. I want to say thank you
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: for your servitude. Like people don't see what you do
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: behind the scenes, but I do. I see you. Not
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: just huh admn. Girl, Like I was wondering if you
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: clock Oh I clocked it because I'm trying not to,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: you know, be too anxious when I when I leaning
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: into her, but she has really like been helping us
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: in the community, like the things that I'm genuinely weak at.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: She is so strong and is not intimidated or like, oh,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: this is not my platform, I don't care. Like she's
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: really like, no, let's lean into this. And she's not
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: even this is a lot I love about her. She's
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: not asking for permission, She's just doing it sharing. It's like, Okay,
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: does this look good? Can I share this with the
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: community or whatever. I was like, oh my gosh, yeah,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: share it with the community. Girl. So listen. You are
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: so needed, Keana. You are so needed that I know. Hallelujah.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I thank you Holy Spirit. I know people have leaned
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: on you and pimped you out, but please know and
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: be reassured that this space is safe for you. The
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Lord will not The Lord will get me and Desiree
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: if we ever try to any of the community members out.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: But you are definitely a community member that has really
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: leaned into the idea of what this space is about,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: and it's being safe to be who you Genie. We
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: are in Christ. So I just pray continuous blessings on you.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Keana is an author. She is jess I'm I'm gonna
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: say this, Keona. I know you might not agree, but
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: you're a minister. She's a minister, but she's muscle. She
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: realizes and understands her placement in God, and she acts
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: on it. And so we love you. We deeply love you. Keona.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your yes. Thank you so
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: much for your pushing yes. Three sixty five. May God
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: continue to bless you and keep you my sister. Y'all
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: give it up for my girl. All right, Jessica, you
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: said something so important. You said that she didn't ask
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: for permission. And the truth is when we are aligned
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: with the purpose and the will of God on our life,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: he will put us in places where we don't have
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: to ask. We just have to be. Come on, you
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like we can. She can just
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: show up and be who God called her to be
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: because she's needed in that space. Yeah, you know what
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. So hey, y'all, So we're just gonna show
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: up and just be. That is so good. Thank you
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: for your your your wisdom. You old lady. Ya ha
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: bay bay. Watch your mouth, watch your mouth, your old
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: your old related just to give me such a hard time.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: I ain't nothing but thirty eight point nine. Your look
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: good girl, your luck good? Okay, thanks, It's okay. We're
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: gonna have it. We're gonna be ready for the forty
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: When you he turned in door on uthing, I told
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: the Lord to keep that same energy when I'm for
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: this hit. Don't fIF this hit. You know what I'm saying,
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: same grace, sir, el Yeah, I'm saying because I get
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: maybe thirty twenty eight to thirty all the time. Yeah,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: most deadfine that I thought you were younger than me.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Like people think I'm older than you, which is slight disrespect.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, don't don't do me. Don't cut
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: the skin and skin in a new wall, y'all. Check
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: out check my my platform on tiktop. You know what
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, y'all, we're having too much. I think it's
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: it's I'm gonna blame it on the guests, so you're
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: not again, like it's crazy. The energy is like wild
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: right now. And I really and she ain't said too much,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: so like we can blame her and what I just say,
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: like she ain't got she ain't ask for no permission.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: She walked in here, walked in and she is who
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: she is. She's just walked in Hill, So I'm excited
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: to get to know the woman to God. She reached
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: out and she was like, girl, let me be on
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: that podcast. I was like, girl, let me ask God.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: And he said yes, yes, like he got it's these
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: yes is for me. So when the Lord says yes,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I trust God. And listen what I've seen and what
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I've heard and understand about her, were finna get a
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: whole a whole different perspective on life, okay, and appreciation
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: for life and just giving our yes another yes to God.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: So I'm super excited to present this woman of God,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: this author, this overcomer. Y'all listen, I'm excited to introduce
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: none other than my new friend Stephanie burn Is up. Jesus.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of pressure. That was a major intro,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: was it? It was? I loved it. Well, it's the
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: way I was trying to be a soft girl. When
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: I said it, though, what did he get soft? It
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: was like, definitely gave soft. It was just like, those
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: are big shoes to feel, but girl, you already feel
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: them like you you're actually doing the thing. Like you're
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: doing the thing. And what's your friend on your bio?
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: You have your friend calls you? Uh, Jesus, I forgot them.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Hold On, I wrote it down. Hold On, I forgot
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: what she what she called you? Dog get. It's gonna
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: come to my mind. It's gonna come to my mind.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: But no, like you really, you're really out here sitting
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: in the tone and not using excuses. That's one thing
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I'm super excited, y'all. See this is her book. Let
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: me put this back in the frame so y'all can
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: see it. Put this back in the frame. Keep it
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: in the frame. Keep it. If you a sponsor, we
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: keep it in the frame. Yea big per Okay, but no,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: are you there? God my lemonade has no sugar. We're
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: gonna get into that. But Steph, thank you so much
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: for reaching out. Thank you so much for introducing yourself
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: so I can to know you, because you're simply amazing.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: You'll be out, You'll be getting folks together on your
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: your platform. I hope it's with grace, though I always
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: pray that my words the season with grace, it is
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: let's let's let's let's let's go ahead and get it
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: to it. Okay. How do you introduce yourself to the
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: world when you're when you're on new platforms like this? Honestly,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I was just saying, I'm Stephanie, mama five, wife of
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: one period, okay, and I just want to make God proud.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I know that it probably sounds clich ish, but at
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: the end of everything, when I'm using my little face wash,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: I always look in the mirror and I'm like, Lord,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: were you proud of today? That's so good? She already thought,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: because that's what it's about. Like the Bible tells us
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: that narrow is the gate. And that's because I can't
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: hold your hand and walk through there. I'm not gonna
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: have my husband, my baby's not gonna be there. It's
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: just gonna be me. The gate is only wide enough
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: for me to enter through. So I want to get
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: a head start on that and make sure that I'm
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: on the right track now with making sure that I'm
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: on the blueprint of heaven. GIRLO girl, girl, you're already
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: spinning good, You're already talking good. I almost start speaking
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: in song. No, but that is so good. Your energy
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: is very contagious. Have you heard that before? I have? Okay, Like,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: have you always had a contagious energy like you do
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: right now? In the positive way? The sum folks got
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: contained period. If you don't want to talk about that,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: come on our whole pandemic out here the other way. Yes,
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: so I'd like to think, Yes, I've always the Lord
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: told me that there is a grace on me that
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: has not allowed me to be tainted by what I've
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: been through. And so that is what has carried me
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: all these years. Just the gift of joy. It's just
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: a gift. I can't take any credit for it. It's
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: literally the gift of joy. Even when I don't want it,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: it finds me and arrest me and demands that I
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: take it with me everywhere I go. So yeah, I've
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: always just been no gush. Yeah, and I'm so glad
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: that you brought up what you've been through because you
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: came into this world, Missy, like real real ghetto. Real
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: ghetto was ghetto, like project paying modeling. Yeah, like you
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: the real project pick clear, like, so let's start there.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Because I had to tell her, y'all, you know regular interviews.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I'm started to accept Stephanie that I'm not your average interviews,
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: acting like I'm the average interview. So when I was
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: reading the book. You sent me this book a while
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: ago and I started reading, I said, oh, I gotta
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: put this down because I want genuine interaction. I love
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: with Holy Spirit, interseas and come to And so when
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: I started reading, I was like, oh God, this would
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: be much let me. It does kind of take you
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: right in. I work like with the first the first words,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: like it's like, oh, this chapter one, okay, because you
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: didn't you didn't name your chapter, and I see why.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, this is a lot. Let's just allow
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: her to tell her story and y'all get a tad
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: bit because y'all gotta go get this book. Yeah all right,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: So are you there? God my sugar, my lemonade has
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: no sugar is regarding your story. And I love how
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you I didn't know what to expect was on the cover.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I loved the name. And so you came in this
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: world ghetto. Can we talk about that, because you eloquently
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: go into give us a vivid picture of how you
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: entered this world not being able to be told your
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: like you've been told your story, but not as far
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: as details. So you don't even know where your mom
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: and dad come from. So can we go Can we
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: start from that point? Absolutely? So. First, I was born
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: in Jersey. It was the eighties, so you know crackhead
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: hit the scene. So I was born really a safe
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: haven baby because my biological mom left me in the
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: hospital in the care of the nurses. I was told
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: like I could fit in the palm of your hand
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: when I was born, So just no control over the
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: narrative in that way. I'm the youngest of four girls.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: I am the only child that was given up for adoption.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Everybody else went to a relative really quickly. But this
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: last baby, I see now that it was God's purpose,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: but they didn't know what to do even then. With
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: this last little baby, I got adopted by relative in
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Alabama that time I ended up here. Not to go
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: too fast, too quickly. But later I found out that
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: she didn't even want kids. She only adopted me because
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: her mother told her to. And it was all about optics.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: So just a lot of layers. Spirit of rejection, orphan spirit,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: just all the things. From very early on, the enemy
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: made it a mission that our fight was personal. So
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: it was a lot. So it's a lot, and we
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: can go. We got time, Yeah, we got time. Oh, book,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: So I'm glad you brought the young lady that did
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: take you in because you did end up being adopted.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Before we get to them, you bring up in the
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: book that had you had an elderly couple. They were
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: in there. Yeah, my very first foster family. I don't
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: remember them cognitively myself, of course, because it was when
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I was first born. And my first foster family. Yes,
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: they wereried eighty year old couple, Caucasian couple that adopted me.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: And so when I learned that, I saw I've only
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: seen one picture of myself as a baby. Can you
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: imagine that one picture? I have five children and we
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: have so many pictures just detailing their story, and to
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: only have one picture of me as a kid. And
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I just always wondered, like one, can you imagine a
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: brand new baby coming home one thank God for their yes, Yeah,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: for eighty years old. I'm thirty eight and I didn't
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: want to bring home a crime little baby. I didn't
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: know what to do. So can you imagine eighty years
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: old and you've got this brand new baby, not I
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: don't want a baby and trust to be addicted to cocaine?
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Can you talk about that part a little bit, because
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I don't think, especially for me, there's an ignorance there on.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Not only fostering the foster children in itself is a
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: whole story, but you're fostering something that was birth damaged
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: and or some a person that was birth damaged that
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: it was no fault of there on. And so in
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: my mind, like like even thinking about children that have cancer,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: children that have you know, in different diseases, you have
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: to treat the child or nurture the child a different way.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: What did what did that do? Are you aware of
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: what that might have looked like or what is supposed
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: to happen when you have what it be considered the
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: crack crack baby or whatever you say, that's what they
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know if there's nothing, not because because I
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: don't want you like a hundred email from no, but
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: because they know those type of children normally from what
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: I understand, addicted sons, and so the it's like colic
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: on steroids from the research that I've done, because you
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: in this quest to figure out who I am, you
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: have to look into things like that, like well what
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: was the baby like? You know, because there was no
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: one to answer these questions, so I had to go
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: look and search for these answers. And so to just
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: think that, you know, I was screaming at all times
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: of the night. I heard that it's not I've read
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: rather in research it's not a regular cry. Because I've
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: never talked to these foster parents, I've never met them
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: since they've met me. And to just say they said
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: it's a different kind of cry. I read that just
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: like a piercing ear piercing cry, there's no soothing, no
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: amount of rocking, none of that can soothe the baby.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: And to think that they kept me a year and
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: a half at eighty eighty. With those other external factors,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: it just humbles me in a way. And going back
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: to our current theme of just giving God your yes,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: they had to have come to a decision together as
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: a couple, like, you know, do you want to know
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: the baby? They says you on crag what you think
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: of how you feeling about it, were feeling cracking the
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: season or what? And to do that to make it
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: because they could have, you know, ten days in been
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: like this is not our cup of tea, and then
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: all the cultural things, not knowing what to do. I
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: think about my little hair, how was my hair? Well,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: you know we always talk about the hair. What did
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: they do to my hair? But they just took me
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: in and loved me with everything that they had. And
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: so I'll always honor them as a part of my
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: story because that could have went anyway. They could have
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: said no, this is not us. They could have thrown
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: me away, They could have hurt me or done anything.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: But they didn't. They took what they had and just
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: filled me with as much love. I feel like, if
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I had to guess, maybe they held me a lot,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: or you know, just because A year and a half
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: is a long time to help someone grow through that.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: So I appreciate it, and they're a big part of
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the reason I'm here today talking to Yes, and they
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: definitely and I believe, I'm evenin i'ma lean onto your
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: imagination that they were believers. Yeah, you had been a delivery.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Ain't no way eighty years old. You gotta have some
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: type of alas God like you eighty years old. It
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: ain't like you you're saying, oh, you can get some
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: money for them kids, you know, you know, you know,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I'm yeah, I see it every day, I know, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: you know you can get money for the kids. Y'all
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: shame right, We're gonna get your extra because you on
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: your head. Okay, so tell the truth the dow No,
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: but no, I'm so we have to give homage to
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: them because I was just so amazed when I saw that.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: And so now this year and a half, you're going,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: you're going to a relative that really only obeyed their
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: mother because they're single, they are they've been married, never
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: been married, they don't have kids. What what's that transition like? Like,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: how long were you with her? So I was with
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: her until I was about thirteen, and then I went
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: back into foster care until I was twenty one. Now
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: being parented now, I found out that I was adopted
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: on a fluke. Literally, you're not gonna leave this. We
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: lived next door. I later found out she was my
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: biological great grandmother on my mother's side. I thought she
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: was like, you know how you have an elder in
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: your family. You're like, oh, this is ain't a Jamey. Yeah,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: So I thought that was just ain't a Jamy. You
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: see what I'm saying. Literally, we were sitting outside one day.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I'm looking at the moment now as I speak to you,
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: and we were outside and she goes, who am I?
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: And my first thought, you know, I'm like eight. I'm like,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: oh Jesus, dementia has hit her hard. I have to
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: handle this myself. She has forgotten who I am. And
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you're in a jame Let's take the slow Stephanie.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: She's forgetting things and she's like, no, I'm your grandmother.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: So then and cousin Chris, who I had been raised
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I cannot make this up. Who had been raised to
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: think this was my cousin is my biological mother's sister.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: So She's like, I'm your aunt, and then they go
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: we lived right next door to this lady, and they
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: go upstairs and they get this box of pictures and
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: we're just sitting out there in the yard looking at
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: all these pictures of people that I never knew and
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: all these things, and so I'm taking it in and
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: my upbringing it was abusive, for the lack of a
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: better term. As an adult, I choose my words more
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: careful because I understand she may have only been parenting
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: me from the point of her vantage, from what she had,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: and so as an adult you understand things. It doesn't
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: make them right, but it does give you a more
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: basic knowledge of okay that I get that now. But
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: in the midst of absorbing wow, all this family, these pictures,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: there was a part of me that was like, wait, what,
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: so you live next door to me. You let this
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: lady hit on me. You see visually what I'm going through.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: And nobody spoke up for this little girl, so they
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: knew that it was happening. My adopted mother had like
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: some kind of like threatened her never to tell me.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I was never supposed to find out none of the things.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: And it was just like word vomit that. I guess
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: they just got tired of seeing me every day, loving
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: on me every day under this music, thinking I was
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: another relative, and I fought anger. I remember that day
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: because I'm like, wait a minute, you're my biological mother sister,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: like y'all are sisters, like the same womb evacuation plan.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: And you watched Sorry, you're seeing this in real time,
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: and nothing inside of you is like bump everything this
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: lady talking about give me my niece.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: Right, So now you're trying to figure out you're telling
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: me this story, but you're telling me that you rejected me. Okay,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: So here we go, now the second layer of rejection,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: because now I'm already fighting not no, you know, my
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: story's already blored all these things, all these negative connotations
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: around my creation. And now there's the second layer of
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: someone who could have stood up for me and chose
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: not to. So now the enemies working double time and
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: just having to fight through that and understand. But there
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: was still this grit that would not let me quit.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I can remember feeling that even as kid of well,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: we're gonna get through this. It has to been for something.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: So after you found out eight, how did you start
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: addressing then. So of course I was like eight. So
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: you know, the first thing I did was I went
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: next door because picture, it's like the wiz when they
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: start taking the clothes. Can you feel the brand new?
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Hold up? Pausey I told you this. She was the
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: reason why we was being seem saying, you see this,
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: we can work with this. Yeah my mind. I'm like, okay, cool,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: we'll just get some papers. I've seen Matilda. This can
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: work really good. Yeah, y'all's just side just boom to
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: the other house next door. So I went in the house.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know what I was thinking, and I'm like, hey,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: and I just may just says she's my grandma, all
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: these things like it's like pure joy on my face.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: That lady beat the crab out of me and then
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: went next door and cussed out my eighty year old grandma.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: And then we moved not long after that. So how, okay,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: so on a question, who is this lady? How is
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: this lady? She is a cousin. She's a distant cousin. Okay, okay,
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: distant cousin. All right, So how did her mom find
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: out that you were up there? Because her mother lives
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: in Jersey, where everybody knew that's the that's the part,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: and ideally ironic. I'm not gonna say ironically, because there's
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: no irony in God. But the Lord will not let
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: me dig into this. And I had to just accept
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: that he's protecting me from something that has it has
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: no bearings on the call that is on my life.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Because because my adopted mom's biological mom lives in Jersey
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: about three miles, all these people were still talking, still
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: having relationships, steal all this thing like it was a
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: whole orchestrated. Okay, you're gonna get Bobby's baby. All this
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: thing I found out later when I published the books,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: because everybody came out when the book came out, and
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: so you guys watched me my entire life. My biological
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: sister came out of a bag on me when she
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: saw that the book was out. No, I didn't call
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: anybody's name in the book. No, you and that and
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: that now clop that tea, because you didn't. You didn't.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: I will say that. I was like, I'm trying to
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: picture the folk, but you eloquently gave like a picture
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: without names out, you know, the like literally, the Lord
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: took me through this process and was directing me. That's
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: why when it is something that the Lord even down
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: to reaching out to you about the podcast, you have
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: to have your steps ordered by the Lord. And the
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Lord was telling me they're going you have to do
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: it like this because they're gonna come back and try
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: to sue you. So do it like this like and literally,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: so wisdom, absolutely, thank you, Holy Spirit. And she came
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: out of a bag and I'm sitting there reading the status.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: She put up a whole status I'll come to Alabama
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: and I had to sit with it because I was
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: gonna delete it, and the Lord said, no, people need
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: to see how you responding grace when attack. People need
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: to see that. And I was sitting there, but I'm like, so, Lord,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: you know exactly. It's like, what is that the Truman
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Show where Jim Carrey like his whole life was a
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: TV show and he thought it was so So it
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: was like, so these people are literally watching me, they've
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: watched me grow up, and they just kind of sat
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: back and looked at this all play out. So you
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: let me spend all those years wondering why didn't I
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: fit in? Why was I rejected? And you were like,
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: you had floor seats to my life. Girl. So now
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: I'm quick curious as to what was What was the
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: tiffy with your sister? Like what ruffled her fellas well?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: It was because I talked about how I was born
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: and our biological mom on crack people. Laundry is fine
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: until you hang it out outside. I'm about to throw
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: her book in her faith. It was all good until
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: because this book actually is ten years of journal entries.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: I've always been a writer by nature, and I have
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: an ex who will not give me my journal to
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: this day. It's just it's just that good. No, you
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: keep it. Oh but and the Lord was like, it's
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: time to put this into books. In the book. So
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: this is ten years of my journal writings, the questions
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: of why and how does this happen in this way?
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: How do you? Because I didn't want kids, believe it
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: or not, I went from living in the orphanage to
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: run in one because I'm screamed. Guess I didn't. I
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: didn't want to inflict that. I didn't. I didn't want
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: Do you know how precious it is to be trusted
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: by Heaven to steward the next generational leaders and say
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: that again, that is nothing to hold lightly. I look
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: at my children now and I'm like, Lord, you really
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: gave me five different versions of us. That's so good.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: And to steward them, and you're trusting me to be
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: able because you can't raise all your kids the same.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: There's no blanket method. And so to look at them
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: and I just have such an appreciation for their gifts
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: and their talents and to think that somebody missed out
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: on that intentionally. So and I'm glad you brought that
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: up because I wanted to make that connection. Yeah, you
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: flowing with Holy spirit right now. So I could only
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: imagine the fear that you had finding out that you
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: were pregnant and having the child. Did you go experience
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: like postpartum or any like unhealed areas that came up
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: as being a first time all absolutely first it was
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: what am I going to do? I was about to
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: get emancipated out of foster care and so all the things.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: And let me tell you something, when young people are
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: messing in the state of Alabama, you can be a
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: man disipated at age twenty one, which is excellent. Not
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: a lot of states in the United States have that.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: A lot of states are eighteen. Can you tell us
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: what a missipated is? Emissipated means. Okay, so when you
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: are a young person who is in foster care, I
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: don't like the term foster kids. Sorry, but when you're
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: a young person who's in foster care, look at it
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: like the state that the child lives in is their guardian. Right. So,
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: at age twenty one, the state is saying, okay, you
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: can be an adult. Now here's the official paperwork. You're
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: signed off, you're an adult. You have a social worker
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: that signs off, a judge signs off, and it's off
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: you go. Now, for me, there was my birthday is
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: in December. It's December twenty eighth, and and so for me,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I had this plan in my mind of okay, this
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: is this, these are my plans. Well, they moved the
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: court date up two weeks because nobody wanted to be
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: in court on around Christmas time. So that put like
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: a whole wrench in my plan. Because when the papers
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: are signed off, your social workers like, okay, where do
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: you want me to take you? There's no because now
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: the biblical cord of the state, for the lack of
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: a better term, is no longer there, so I don't
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: have to be all nice and accommodating and help you
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: figure things out because I'm signed off. You're doing a job,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: so now or do you want me to take you?
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: And that was so scary, and I didn't my social
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: worker didn't know. I'm terrified. And now I've got this
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: other little person to take care of and develop and
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: all the things. And I was like, okay, cool, I
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: don't do drugs. Check that off. So your first child,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: let me pause right now, your first child? Is that
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: not between you and your husband? Yes? Okay? So who
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: we are today is not who we were, okay, because
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: he was young, doing his own thing, being crazy out there,
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: So we weren't. We weren't this united couple who's love
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: and grace and all these things. We were two people
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: trying to figure it out. I had this crazy stuff
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: that was going on. He had his own family dynamic
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: going on, young man in the streets doing all the things.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: So we weren't there. Yeah, we weren't there yet. So
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I was by myself. I was essentially me by myself.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: And you were twenty when you technically were emancipated. Well,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I was twenty one, when I was emancipated. But this
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: is happening before, remember, because my twenty first birthday was
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: over the Christmas break. So at this point, I'm still twenty.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to figure out all the things. And it
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: was a hot It was a hot mess. Mentally for me,
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: it was a hot mess. But when you yield your point,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I was just literally like, okay, Lord, how does this go?
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: What do I do with this? And so literally I
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: researched and it's like, Okay, I gotta find somewhere to stay.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Stability has always been a major. It's super important to me,
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: it's very and I think that is because of how
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: unstable my upbringing was. How I couldn't tell who was
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: going to come out of a bag on me. Today
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: it is she gonna be cool as a cucumber. So
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: I've always thrived to find stability and balance. So I
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: knew I had to find somewhere to stay first, so
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: research and income based apartments and literally even then getting
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: quiet enough to drown the noise out to hear Holy
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: spirits speak. I am so blessed that I allowed the
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Holy Spirit to take residence in my heart early. I
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: really think that that is I know that is what
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: has kept me, what has set me apart all these years,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: because you have to yield to that still small voice.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: It's like mm mmm mm hmmm, over there, call her,
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: send this missus to just all the things. Yeah, how
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: did you find relationship with God in the midst of
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: the foster care journey a portion of your life? Well,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: you know, in group homes, they gonna take you to
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: church if they don't do nothing else. They gonna take
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: these little damaged babies to Jesus. Okay, fix the children
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: because we can't. Okay, so they screen. They you're gonna
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: take you to church. And honestly, I live that's a
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: whole other conversation. I lived in this group home. I'm
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: not gonna call the name of it because oo beside eemy.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: But uh, there were only about, I want to say,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: six young girls of color and the rest of the
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: girls were not. And there I noticed. I remember the
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: lady who was over the group home. I was on restriction,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: which means that you were in trouble. So I was
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: home with her one day and I saw how she
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: was looking at her daughter's husband, who was a black man,
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: but her daughter was white. And I could see. I
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: didn't know that that was deserned. Then. I just thought
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: that I just studied people. I didn't know what that was.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: So I'm looking at her, and in my child like innocence,
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, it's leader, why because if we're home,
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: I'm suspended. I'm getting all your nerves all day today.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: And I remember asking her, why are you looking at
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: him like that? She said, well, Stephanie, I just believed
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: that if the birds of the air can mate with
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: their own kind, so should we. And that stuck with
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: me because I'm like, wait a minute, you're you have
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: a grandchild. I'm a kid. You have a grandchild. So
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: I knew then that I couldn't trust Jesus through the
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: lens that they were showing me. Nah, bye bye, you
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: just said something there because your your view is screwed.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: Like you this is you have a grandchild, and you
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: have aught in your heart against this man for something
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: he cannot control. The l's skin. And I remember I
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: would be in church. They would take us to all
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: kinds of different churches, and if the church didn't buy
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: the girl something, or if it didn't fit there narrative,
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: we weren't at that church. Anymore. And I said, Lord,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: you were going to have to show me who you
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: are because this is all over the place. Who are
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: you in this? And I was at a little church
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: in Gardendale and we were getting ready to leave out.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: It was like a I didn't know anything about the
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: prophetic man, but it was like a prophetic service. And
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: this older white pastor who was leading the revival or
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: wherever we were, we were getting ready to walk out,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: he said, excuse me, little girl. And they love it, girl,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: but we'll get to that. And so Hunt turned around
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: and he was like, the Lord is saying, destiny is
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: the word that is over your life. That has stuck.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: I still remember that even today. So everything that I
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: am doing is a part of God's destiny, which means
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: and it activated something to me. So I wanted to
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: get to know Jesus for myself. Who he was read
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: the scripture, help me understand this. It's just like when
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: you're dating somebody and we make Christianity so hard, we
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: make love and Jesus so hard. Yeah, but look at it,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: like when you're with dat naboo, what do you do?
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: You get to know them? You ask questions, what do
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: you like? And a lot of times we always pray
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: and just ask God, okay, give me my car, Amen?
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: But what about what that's how we pray? But what
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: about the Lord wants us to be in relationship. He's
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: coming back for his bride, so it's the same relationship. Lord,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: What will I look cute in today? For this interview?
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: What do you want me to talking? Will you see
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? What? Invite me into everything? Okay? Who
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: do you want me to get my hair braided?
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: By?
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Lord? Because I know you care about whose hands are
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: in my head? What do you what school? My children
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: go to four different schools. Now anybody else that will
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: blow their mind. But literally, the Lord is giving them,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: invite them into every process, And so I think us
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: building that early, the Lord just turning my heart to
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: flesh and keeping it flesh early to allow him to
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: guide me. Don't get mad, don't do that. Don't go
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: on to hate spree, Stephanie and right, because I could
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: have wrote a tell all okay, Liza, you could have
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: worked for a from but there was that grace, right
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: that that want because you can either get bitter or better,
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: come on, tell it again and bitterer will kill you.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: It will from inside on the inside out people and
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: didn't see that's the whole other thing, like anybody, Like
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: even today, the energy was just so pure. But you'll
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: meet people. You'll be like hey, and they'd be like,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: oh Jesus, and then I'd be like, ooh, they got
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: some unforgiveness in their heart. Yeah, because what is something
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: is tormenting you on the inside that is not allowing
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: you to be free and happy. Because where the Lord is,
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: there's fullness of joy. Come on, tell us. So if
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: there's an absence of that, that means that the Lord
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: can't take camp here, which means there's some other stuff.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: It's the whole thing. No, stop stopping yourself down. We
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: are here. The oil is flowing my thoughts, like the
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: right side of my thought, like on the rights that
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: it's Tinglinglijah, it tingles, And so when I get my tingled,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: that mean I know the Holy Come on, I'm trying
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: to speak to listen Jesus. No, but you're talking so good.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: I gotta go. I gotta rewind just a little bit
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: because you said something so and pacthful. I don't even
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: think you really really understood what you said. You said
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: my child goes to My children go to four different schools.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: What I heard was, I'm not at my convenience. I'm
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: at God's convenience. I am not how did you get
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: to this space? It is a daily walk, but you
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: don't get to choose when you're chosen and understanding when
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: see sometimes we just sing these songs, but my life
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: is not my own. Literally, all God needs is a yes.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: You opened up with that. All he needs is a yes.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: But yes will cost you everything. They don't talk about that.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: Come on, it will cost you everything. I know my
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: husband even still, and it's a consistent fight because even
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: with my husband, he has to still remind me, like
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: you you still kind of reject me. Like he'll be like,
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I find you incredibly beautiful, and I'm
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: like you guys say that you're smashing, but I am
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: so tippled at you, holy hunch and man of God,
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: you got you all love the looks. And then the
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Lord takes me to the sciriture because this is something else.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: The Lord will always turn the mirror to us. Even
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: when we ask him any question, He's always gonna start
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: with our posture of our heart to answer anything because
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: that's just how he is because that's where he deals
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: with us in our hearts. So it's like, I'm gonna
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: get to that, but let me gently show you this,
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: and so the Lord will showing me that your husband
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: does love you like I love you. So in order
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: for you to accept that, you got to learn how
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I love you. Yeah, now, okay, I'm so glad you
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: brought that up because I was curious about that. So
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: we get to we go from a place where you
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: old hoobye is like out in the streets or whatever.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: But like, what was the thing that connected you? Like
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: what was the moment like where y'all said, you know what,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: we really need to do this thing? Right? Like was
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: God dealing with him and personally, okay, he is. I
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: want to tell you something by miss him when it
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: comes to responsibility, he does not shy away from that, mister,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: make it happen. And seeing that there is an actual
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: little person on this screen that is going to need
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: But I didn't have to explain that to him. Now,
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: whatever men you got going on as we transition in
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: through our lives things, that's gonna be us. But this
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: little person we just instantly united in that that this
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: little person is going to need both of us, especially
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: with both of us having such a broken family dynamic.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: We our thank you, Holy Spirit. Our yoke that is
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: equal is that both of us understood that we wanted
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: to parent better than we were parented, so that we
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: wanted more. We never had to just like, don't you
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: want to be better than we? Never that was always
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: our yoke that we and we've always been tandem in
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: that we're definitely called to be generational curse breakers of that,
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: I am certain because and and it just now, is
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: it easy? Absolutely not. Was it easy even then? No,
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: But never had to be like yo, bab any and
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: I'm don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm blessed that
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't. I ain't got two words for you. But
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: these little people gonna be straight. Yeah, And I remember
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: we were having a conversation because he's so oh, he's
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: so it's like sitting at the seat of Solomon listening
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: to him. And it's so funny because I ideally, by
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: church's standards, by religious standards, you wouldn't think that he
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: would be that because he doesn't go to a physical
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: church billion every Sunday, And you know, like pastors would
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: be like, Oh, it's got to be something going on
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: in the marriage because he's not sitting up people. But
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: you got to seat let him has an ic in
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: the ear here. So but he's so wise and that
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: he said, step here, a real man holds the weight
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: period big per and so in that and the Lord
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: told me, if you stick with him, it'll pay off.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: And so I rested. And you gotta listen to that
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: still small voice and you gotta trust it to guide you. Yeah.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: So it's either a lack of faith or a lack
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: of trust. If you're like, Lord, I'll see you. I
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: don't hear you. Well, it's either lack of faith or
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: lack of trust if you don't hear him. What was
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: the last thing he said to you? Resting that I
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: gotta say something to that though, because I just had
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: this revelation and because I recently posted that I thought
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I didn't trust like I thought I was on this
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: journey of trust in God. But I've learned. I feel
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: like I've learned to trust God. I just don't trust
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: myself in God. And he was just dealing with my
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: dealing with me on the fact of the difference between
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: faith and trust. And it's even say to say it's
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: easier to have faith than it is to trust, because
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: the faith requirement is only the small as a muscle seed.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: So if I have faith that own the only requirement
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: is something smaller than this little thing. It's mustard seeds.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: It's probably one hundred mustard seeds or more. That's four
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: hundreds are so small. So the capacity that it takes
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: me to have faith holler ooh my God, I feel
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: my health. But the capacity is to have faith, it
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: takes it takes more than that as I grow my
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: faith and have trust. But because my faith is not
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: stressed or strengthen, I think that all I need is
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: that mustard seed type of faith instead of getting more
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: seeds to build my death. And so you saying that
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: either you have a problem with faith or trust. If
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: you have a problem with faith, you have a problem
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: with trust. You if you don't have a problem with faith,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: you have not developed yourself enough in your faith to
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: be able to trust God, and not only just trust God,
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: but trust yourself and God. Because I am curious, how
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: do you have the experience that that you do and
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: learn how to Because you sound like you trust yourself
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: in God Like, there's no way possible you moved as
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: you do as a mother, as a wife, as an
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: entrepreneur and not have trust in yourself because you're in
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: God Like. What does that journey look like for someone
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: that has dealt with being in the foster care system, Well,
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: you got to stay at the review mirror for one
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: that's got to stop looking in that review mirror of
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: the who Why Me? I was in a season of
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: but why Me? Though? And I heard the Holy Spirit
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: one day say, but why not you? Why not? Like,
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: why wouldn't this be something that leads to something else?
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: Why wouldn't your latter days be greater than your former?
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Why wouldn't all of this you know? And I just
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: heard the Holy Spirit because you want to run on
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: and see what the end is going to come on?
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: Because it all has to be for something, right, And
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: even if I don't figure out what that something is
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: until I'm with him, It'll all have been for something.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: There's no way possible that I'm still standing still here
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: if it's not for something, and I won't see what
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: that something is. I just got to see. It's like
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: the kids around Christmas time, they will try to look
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: at every little clock. I just got to see what
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: that something is. I refuse to I refuse to not
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: it's all for something, and that something has nothing to
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: do with me. That just sell my product of it
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: has nothing to do with me. And I think that's
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: somewhere where we get I feel like we're talking like
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: girlfriends now. I think that's somewhere where we get hooked
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: up stiff. Like I really feel like we get hooked
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: on funnies because it's like, if it's not about me,
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do it. And as a believer,
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: we have respons like when we say God, yes, there's
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: responsibility attached to our Yes. That means that that yes,
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: it's submitted. And it looks like, okay, yes, I'm gonna
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: put my royalty on God helpless, I'm gonna put my
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: royalty on and it's going to look different to the world.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: It's gonna look like failure to the world. Be in actuality.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: God is using my failures so you can be watching me.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: That's why your sister watched you, because it's like they
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: were waiting on you to fail, but the success of
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: your glory of God was all upon you, so it
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: disrupted her dysfunction sometimes and I'm a blood like girl.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: I feel the Lord you hear me. It's something when
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: people are called and we gotta talk about this. When
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: people are called, let me calm down because I feel
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: that my help come is so good that don't starting
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: to preach, okay or what we're finna do it just
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: as comedy special star insteady in the order, But I'm
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: not don't. That's when you're called. Like you said, we
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: don't get to choose to be chosen, right but the
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: and y'all ain't gonna like this when I say this,
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: mm hm, I love how you're jailing leading us. Yeah,
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: because they not gonna like it. But the truth is
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: everybody ain't chosen. Come on, talk about They don't like
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: to hear it, don't like to hear. But the truth
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: is when you're chosen your life, Come on, is suffering.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: Come on looks like and feels like it doesn't look
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: like and feel like you're chosen and the glory that
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: you see came from me. Bending. Come on, teach the
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: people es and I know when you talk about that,
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: but I don't take when people say they are blood
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: line breaker. Don't be wishing something on you that you
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: don't want to suffer for Come on, So I'm curious,
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: how how do two bloodline breakers unite without ripping each
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: other apart? Because I know what I'm going through individually, huh,
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: I know what I'm going through out of hell and
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: how because you're bringing like you said, you're bringing your trauma,
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: he bringing his trauma. Y'all trying to break individual But
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: now y'are trying to come to you and break yours
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: together and start a new legacy. Like can you speak
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: to the responsibility of a blood line breaker? Well, in
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: our case, in terms of marriage, a quarter of three
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: strands is not easily broken. So God is definitely in
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: the middle of us for sure. And it's just love
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: is not a feeling. It goes back to that responsibility.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: If I say yes, I love you, then I gotta
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: love you. In Season and Odyssey, yeah, I gotta love
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: you when you're doing all the right things and when
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: you're not doing the right things. And I will go
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: on camera and say that he is so much more
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: of a better spouse than I have. Tell him that
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: all the time because he literally loves unconditionally. I get upset,
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest. So I get upset, to be mad
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: and all the things, I'll be like, well, let's just
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: end it all what happen, let's just you know, just guy,
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: he's is looking at me like, okay, you're still picking
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: poor chumps, and so you have to have that. That's
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: that that the yoke we're equally yoked in. Bye bye.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: I didn't sign up for all of this to be
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: giving you half of all my stuff and send them
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: children twice a month. We're not even discussing that. That's
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: not even on my plate, and so what does it do?
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: It challenges me to be like, oh so I can't
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: be looking at this and handling this surface era with
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: surface results, and that I have to look at it
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: like okay, stuff is gonna come. Yeah, y'all are gonna
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: but what's beyond that? Just run on and see what
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: the end is gonna be. Because you love me and
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: I love you, and we got too many children to
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: just let this disappeine. Yeah, so it's figured out. Yeah,
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: and to have somebody that challenges you, because it would
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: be easy if I'm like, well, just go home and
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: do what you're gonna do, and he like, okay, ain't
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: my stuff back and then look not a delvit in one.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: But the Lord knows his children, so he knows. I
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: have to send a man that can hold the weight
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: for her because she's weighty. Yeah, so it's not gonna
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: be easy. So I have to send somebody who if
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: I'm so emotional and in my feelings, then I have
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: to pair her with somebody who's not emotionally driven. Yeah,
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: who listens for a specific sound. She's a talker, so
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: I have to get give her somebody who's a great listener.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: She's very loving her heart. She's dealing with heart issues,
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: so I have to give her somebody who's not very trusting,
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: who has a strong sense of desernment, who can be
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: very quiet in the room. Let me tell you something.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Bird comes in here, he's gonna notice every single move
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: every person made. And I'm just in here hugging and
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: loving on y'all. Hey, why he's laying name birds? If
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: you seriously, Yes, I'm talking about for real. But you
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: have to trust even in that when picking a spouse
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: for the single listeners out there, you have to trust
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: that God has your other half. Yeah, because he do.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: He does, And it's gonna be all the things you
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: can write out your list, but then where are you
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: in this list? God? What do you have that I
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: don't see about myself yet? Yeah? Because my list is trash?
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: Is it trans? I didn't necessarily have a list, but
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: the cycle that I found myself in was attracting the
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: part of me I didn't like. And that's what genuinely
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Just open book because you feel like a big cis
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: right now or something. Love that, y'all, y'all you get yes,
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: come on, come on, Stephanie, because yeah, that's support. I
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: think that. I'm so glad you said that, especially the
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: fact that you said your husband didn't start that way.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: I think I'm in because I'm in my thirties thirty
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: three d b s. You're my thirties. I'm just kind
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: of like, do God, am I gonna have to start
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: this way? Like? Am I goal? You want him already? Potential?
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: You don't want the potential? I think it scares me
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: because I went for potential and I can always see
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: the good in people. I can always see the good
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: in people, and that has gotten me in trouble. I
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: can relate to that for sure. That has really gotten
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: me in trouble. And I'm just gonna call it sad spade. Look,
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: look look at me letting out baby, socle. You hear me, Socle.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: Everything goes out the window for a man. You get
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. And I don't want to be hurt
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: on more like I'm over, I'm over myself and God,
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: what gates do I need to place over my heart
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: and mind that are preventing me from being in the
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: right field at the right time. When my bow ass arrives,
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: He's gonna always turn that mirror to us, Fortify me,
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: make me okay, kick in my deserted and see, here's
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: the thing when you when you get a man, or
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: you meet somebody, you wait, You watch them, and you wait.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: You can't rush. The Song of Solomon talks about that,
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: don't awaken love until it's so desirous. You have to
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: to wait. You watch them, you bring them in, and
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: then you watch them. Okay, I see how he moves
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: with that. You don't have to be at red Lobster
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: the first day, being like, so you on, two kids
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: are fine, don't share that, man, I'll take that. So
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: because he thought y'all was hell for the bag, so
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: they see boot Okay, you're not gonna get a man
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: a sertance. But let's red life to send you some money. Okay,
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: So come on right, got bills off the town that
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: was still. But we're gonna watch him. You're gonna see
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: how he moves. I watched how he even though his
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: mom was dishonorable, I watched him honor her. You know,
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: I didn't want a man that just treated me good.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: I wanted a man that treats all women good. And
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: come on and stop getting mad when you're a man.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: That's another conversation. No, no, no, But I think whether you're
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: getting mad because your man opened the door for another
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: woman or was courteous to another woman. I'm looking at
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: that like, oh so, sis, you just want a man
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: that's good to you. You don't want a good man
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: because it's a difference. There is a difference, because that's manipulation. Manipulation.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: I have a good man. It doesn't bother me that
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: he's gonna help you pick your stuff up. He's gonna
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: open the door for you, I know, because all that
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: is mine. So I don't have to sit there from you.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: You don't have to prove anything, and a good thing.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: The fact that because I think we get this twisted stuff.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: I forget. I think we forget that Christian becomes before anything.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: So I'm a Christian woman, mom, become a Christian black woman.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a Christian country creator like Christ comes before.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: That's my first identity, Him and everything. So if my
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: my husband is showing a Christian man and what a
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: Christian man does, that means his sister at Christ needs
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: me to open the door. I'm not gonna open the
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: door because that could have been the breaking of the
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: yoke that was meaning because she's never care kindness. I
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: don't know who this is, boy, but some of our
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: sisters have not experienced genuine kindness from a man, and
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: they think all men want something just because they love something.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: And we need men, we need solid Christian men to
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: simplify things from women that have been broken. You just
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: don't know. And so when you and then it goes
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: back to what we were talking about earlier. So then
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: you can see and it's gonna get deep. So then
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: she has not come into the fullness of who she is,
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: because if she knew that she was a queen and
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: a child of the Most High, you're gonna expect a
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: man to do these things because he's a man. It's
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: not because I'm your man. It's because you're a man.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: I do that all the time. And I laughed at
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: my because I don't even realize I do it. I
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: will step to the side so quick and let a
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: man open the door. And really it'll be like a
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: three four second standoff sometimes, and it'll because sometimes you
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: got to activate the king. And these brothers soup and
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: I stand to the side of that I watch it
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: hit him. Oh and then they open the door. My bad,
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: mother that I love good. I love them brothers, be like,
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: oh my bad, It's all good. Come on, And that
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: is what you, as a help me will do. You're
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: help me for your spouse primarily. Come on, but sometimes
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: the Lord will have you and be a help me
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: to the other men that you come into contact with,
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: other women, that you be to help them meet their
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: checkpoint to where God is trying to take. You just
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: said she no, no, no, no, no, I don't I
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: don't need for us to miss this. Oh my god,
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: this girl. We can go for two hours cause she's talking. Good.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: Y'all gonna get this book, get this book. You just
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: said that our identity is our identity. Whether we are
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: married or not, the activation has already been done. He
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: called us as a help meet, like when we were
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: when we created Eve was created from the woman of
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: a man to help. It was before before they consummated
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: the marriage. I get for your mother's womb. I knew you.
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: I knew you. He called you, so pull something out
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: of a man. And sometimes we we we only won't
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: want to romanticize the responsibility. We're taking a turn now.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: We only want to romanticize the responsibility we have in
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: these male female relationships. But I'm responsib Come on, because
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: to whom much is given and it has no gender.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: Come on, it has no sex to So if you
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: are a generational curse breaker, well then they may mean
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: that at the M and N store on the west
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: side when you step into the side, you may be
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: about to break a generational curse here and help that brother. Understand. Oh,
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I have to cherish women, so you have to speak
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: highly of it. Let me tell you something. And this
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: just fell on my heart. You lose absolutely none of
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: your flame lighting another candle, and I noticed a lot women.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, you're so incredibly beautiful
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: and sometimes would be like, but I don't, and that
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: always cheers when I was supposed to say that you
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: were beautiful, or I think it's weird, or you think
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: you like them. No, sweet, No, I just call it
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: like I see him. You are incredibly beautiful. And I
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: know that that doesn't take away from any beauty that
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I have acknowledging yours. And those are the curses that
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: we're called. It's not just our family. Now, that's a byproduct.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: That's a part of our chains being breaking in us
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: walking in freedom, but it is for the Kingdom of
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: God that's in end. So that's every day, that's a
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: Chick fil A, that's at the gas station. You are
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: all if you put on that shirt that says I'm
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: an ambassador of Christ Comal, you are always representing him
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: that sent you. So regardless of if I feel like
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: it today or you don't get to choose, if you
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: are an ambassador, you are an ambassador. There are so
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: many times I want to pop off and I have
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: to give to sarcasm, and I'd be like, Lord, why
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: wouldn't you let me say that that was going to
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: kill them? Yeah? Goodwe And I asked the Lord that
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: all the time? Why do you give me sarcasm if
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: I can't use it when it's the best time to
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: use it. Yeah, because it is not for that. It
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: is to unlock. When I give you this, it is
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: not to be a burn. It is to be a bomb.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: So we were either cutting your healing, cutting your healing
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: with everything every interaction, even still with the book, because
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: I wrote it to be a conversational piece. I wanted
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: to feel like the reader was having a conversation. I
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: wanted to immediately bring them in so that their brain
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: would start giving them pictures and visualizing what I was
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: going through, so that you can be in that moment
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: with you to understand because they're going to And I
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: put that in the preface. I hope that there's some
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: healing for you too. Yeah, yeah, I want you to
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: have healing. Well, not as if Stephanie could do what
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: I could do it. No, no, no no. I want as
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: you come into my story, I want you to see
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: your own story playing out. Yeah, and then said, God,
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: were you in this man? Because I could use a
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: little sugar in my lemonade too. I can use some
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: sugar in my lemonade. Step if I say something else
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: to you, You're going to You're going to stir me up.
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: I love that no, real bad, firs, real bad, you eat,
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: you eat like you the real deal. And I love
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: that God protects me so much that he won't let
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: allow me to have fake people on my playoff. I
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: love that I don't even play this, ain't even my
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: platform like that. My God's name is on this. I
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: say your name too much, Lord, and so I'm grateful
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: for He'll sound foolish, not at all, not at all.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: So I'm grateful. And it's an honor to be able
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: to be a part of the promotion of this project
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: and any other projects. We'll go ahead and say that
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: now I think desiraate and our agreement, Well, welcome back.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: You have an open door. I just want to come
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: back and talk. No, this is like real bad, real bad.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: We'll let you know. Girl, you feel like today, what
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: you feel like like? Hit me up, real bad DEESI ray,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: I gotta get afford to you, sis, because this was
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: a lot weird. It was a lot, but it was
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: so beautiful, like I love one. It just kind of
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: tied back into how we open it up about you
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: just walk standing in the space and just being right.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: So I love that your perspective, you were able. I
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: think you said, God's giving you the grace to be
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: able to walk through this and not have the negativity
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: attached to it, right, And so I think it just
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: I've been in James again here would go to James right,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: count it all joy when trials happened, right, because life happens,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: you know, and we sometimes are under staying why like
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: these things are happening to us and we and it's
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: easy to blame God. I think that's the first person
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: that we'd be like, God, why are you allowed this
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: to happen to me? X y and z da da da.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: But if we just shift our come on, because what
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: is the other half of that verse? Tell us that
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: after we have gone through it, we will found ourselves
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: whole lacking, lacking nothing, nothing, lacking nothing, you know what
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. And so for me, it's just been another
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: another confirmation of where God has had had me at
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: this week, just like yeah, life, you've been through some things.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: You know, it hasn't always been easy. But at the
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: end of the day, I know the plans that I
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: have for you, said the Lord their plans to prosper you,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: to give you hope in the future, and they're gonna
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: be good. Absolutely so even if it don't look good
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: if we trust, because you also said we either have
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: a faith problem or a trust problem. Yeah, and majority
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: of the time it's gonna be one's gonna be both.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be one of the two. Right, And so
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: I'm just sitting here like dang lord. So it just
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: allowed me to just take some self examination on where
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: I am. So yeah, because there have been some spaces
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: or still are some spaces where I am lacking a
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: little faith or I am lacking a little trust trust
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: or and both. You know what I'm saying. So I
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: just love that. Uh, the testimony is that God is
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: still good. Come on, God today has has blessed you,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: you and your husband with five beautiful children. You know
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. With your backgrounds, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: So this has been an inspiration for me. I got it.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: I can sprinkle a little bit more sugar, you know
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: in my little lemonade. Now you know what I'm saying,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: because your your your energy is so bright and so liary.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. And so we're glad to
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: have you and can't wait to have it. Can you
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: picture Jesus being like, girl, I was born outside with
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: doodoos less you've been going to work and then with
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: the supervisor. He like, you know what you know? I was?
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: I was trying to rough flee for my life since birds,
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: I've been done that and died. Yeah, all my life.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: You got issues. Let's talk about it like real. Talsh like,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: I ain't gonna say this right now because it's a sense,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: so I say it off like because wisdom. But no, Stephanie,
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: you have been the sugar. So I lemonade today like
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: they'll punt and seem like and thank you so much
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: for reaching out. Thank you so much for finding Holy Spirit.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say this in love. Everybody's not Holy Spirit.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: Lied that reaches out to me and that's okay, And
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: if it's time, the Lord will revisit the conversation. So
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: don't think that just like oh I'm gonna try it, no,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: because he's gonna. And the Lord told me that literally,
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: I'm not just putting one hundred on ten. The Lord
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: was like, hey, reach out to just and tell her
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: you want to be on your podcast, and I was like,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: ooh no, not after you just told me to give
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: make room for me. I'm not henry time and like
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: saying girlish, but the literally the Lord gave me the
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: words to say and told me to wait, and so
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't have I did exactly what he
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: told me to do and then I said back. And
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: that's what every and I'm learning and the more that
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: you see the Lord operated, like told you, that's where
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: that faith, trust boundaries comes in because he's gonna give
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: you like I told you that would work out. So
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: builds that faith and trust a little more. Like I
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: surrendered this to you. I surrendered my budget to you.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: Lord.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: See nothing got cut off. See you will see that
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: I surrendered this relationship to you. Lord. See he ghoasted you,
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: he wasn't for you, and just trusted that. You know. See,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: I'm tired of mean girls. And then he gives you
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: one good friend like see yeah, so just trust this
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: is so good, so good listen well in the in
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: the in the tradition, I'm sorry, I'm trying not to
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: speak a tongue. I feel like I just wanted to
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: be a tongue right to you, Oh, I want to
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: go to church. You what that girl? We probably out hand
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: us the key in on line cold, y'all, finish up.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: We're gonna no. But we've said so much. That's just straight.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: This was amazing. Couldn't couldn't have directed this conversation. Thank
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: God for Holy I always say. And so I like
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: the end with your final words. If there's anything that
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: you want to like just reiterating a part of our conversation,
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: or even if you came with something on your heart,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: the floor is yours, and then show camera right there.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: I love it. I don't know. I just feel like
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: life will be better if you just trust God's playing.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: M trust God's playing. The Bible tells us that many
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: are the plans in a man's heart, but it's God's
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: will that outweighs them all, and the sooner that we
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: just understand. And I was watching Monique, and God bless
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: her heart. She believes in the universe and all the things.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: I take anything from her belief system because her gate
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: is narrow, so she'll have to walk through that gate
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: on her own. So we don't have to fight people
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: or defend the Bible. The Lord told me I don't
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: need you to defend me. So but we have to
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: trust that there was a plan that was set before
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: we even knew that we were set to exist, and
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: to trust that, to ask questions about that, to research it,
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: to lean into it, and that is when we were
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: find ourselves walking in the abundant life that we were promised.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: That's so good, so good, y'all. Make sure listen Stiffani
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: needs information. It's definitely in the description. Yes, since is
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: is welcome back any time we might have to do
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: a comedy special song because she didn't. She has made
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: me laugh this whole time. I hope you guys enjoyed it,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: but not just enjoyed it for it for laughter, but
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: enjoyed it to that's something resonated with your spirit. That
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: just that faith and trusting all things work. And when
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: you have that double portion, you can just you can
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: speak to the mountain and trust that it would be moved.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: And so I'm just so excited for it for where
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: God is taking us on this year three sixty five journey,
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: because he's just building, He's just building on top of
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: the things that we just continuously learn each week. And
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: so don't be stingy don't be stingy with the information.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: Don't be stingy with the revelation. Don't be stingy with
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: the community. Share this with someone you know, somebody that
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: needs this, even if it's on your platform, even if
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: you don't know, share it on there. Somebody has to
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: hear this that is connected to you. This is how
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: we build, this how we grow the Kingdom of God.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: So we love you, We honor you, Stimphany, thank you
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: so much for Kaune Desiree. I love you, good girl,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: Oh you real bad. Y'all gonna get y'all gonna get
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: my girl's book, all right. The link will be in
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: the description until next week. Until next time, remember life
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: could be much more simple if you just.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: Ask thank you for tuning in to this week's episode.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: Since you've made it this far, you might as well
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: connect with us on all social media platforms at the
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: Jessica S. Smith. I know I won't see you back
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: until next week, but until then, remember to love all,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: waste yourself, and always thank.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: Thank God for one another day. Hey, Hey, I know
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: another day. Hey, Hey, I'm just thankful for another day. Hey, Hey,
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 3: another day oh, another day wise, another day to get
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: it right, another day to rise up, another day living,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 3: another day. We loved ones I always remember hold it
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 3: down for a ball one yeh