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13 | Child Nemesis · You Didn't Ask For This

0:00
Eric: Alright.
0:01
Eric: Full stop.
0:02
Eric: Unironic.
0:03
Eric: No exaggeration.
0:05
Eric: How many children do you legitimately think you could take in a fight?
0:10
Eric: Oh.
0:13
Matt: Let me ask you this.
0:14
Matt: What are we considering a child?
0:16
Matt: Are we talking like toddlers?
0:18
Matt: Are we talking babies?
0:19
Matt: I'm gonna say third grade.
0:21
Matt: God.
0:21
Matt: Third grade.
0:23
Matt: You mean the year they gave me the box?
0:26
Matt: Um man, and here like you're on the playbook.
0:31
Eric: Huh?
0:32
Eric: Were you recently in a fight with a child?
0:34
Eric: No, I used to get paid to fight children.
0:39
Eric: What?
0:40
Eric: That's what I tell people when I what uh I used to teach martial arts.
0:44
Eric: Yes.
0:45
Eric: And it was it was like a karate daycare.
0:48
Eric: So we I every day I'd get the van and we'd we'd after school pick the kids up in our big karate van.
0:56
Eric: Uh I I have to emphasize this was a karate van with the words like karate, it had windows.
1:02
Eric: I just want to be clear this wasn't like an unmarked van.
1:05
Eric: We'd pick the kids up.
1:06
Eric: Yes, the the karate van.
1:09
Eric: The karate van.
1:10
Eric: We we would pick the kids up from their schools.
1:14
Eric: We'd take them back to the karate center, they'd do their homework, and then I'd get paid to you know beat the snot out of them.
1:21
Eric: Okay.
1:22
Eric: But you didn't really, right?
1:24
Eric: No, I I mean I never I never actually like I never no.
1:28
Eric: I would think they are beating you up.
1:31
Eric: Oh yeah, it's fun.
1:32
Eric: Their their favorite thing to do, like the kids who were who are like five or six, they would gang up on me.
1:38
Eric: They would they would they would have to.
1:41
Eric: Yeah.
1:42
Matt: Eric, you're 20 feet tall.
1:44
Matt: They have to gang up on you.
1:46
Eric: Yeah, oh yeah.
1:46
Eric: They and they did.
1:48
Eric: Um one time I was walking out of like our of my office, and I round a corner, and as I'm rounding the corner, a child like dives in front of me so that I trip like, and this is a five-year-old dives in front of me so I trip over their body, and like I fall to the ground, and then I hear another six-year-old yell, get him! And they just start dog piling on top of me.
2:17
Eric: Jesus.
2:18
Eric: And I rise from the ground.
2:20
Eric: I shit you not a child clinging to every limb.
2:24
Eric: Just and uh yeah, that was it was it was very cool.
2:30
Eric: It was it was well thought out.
2:32
Eric: I've never been more proud.
2:34
Eric: But you haven't been fighting children recently.
2:37
Eric: No, no, my child fighting days are uh are done.
2:40
Matt: So how many children was that?
2:42
Matt: You said every limb, but it sounds like more than four people So this is probably like four or five kids ganging up on me.
2:48
Eric: But again, uh-huh, they're they're my beloved pupils.
2:52
Eric: I'm not gonna not gonna actually fight them.
2:55
Eric: What I'm talking about is if you actually had to fight and win against children, what is like the max number you think you could take?
3:04
Matt: So the scenario is the scenario is I'm going outside and a gang of like Dekenzian children, uh, you know, Dickensian street children approach me.
3:15
Matt: Uchins.
3:16
Matt: Uchins, Matthew.
3:17
Matt: Yeah, the urchins.
3:19
Matt: Uchins and wait for the street approach me.
3:22
Matt: I think if we're talking about third graders and they're violent towards me and they deserve it, and I'm going the it's what I'm saying is the abuse of the children is justified.
3:34
Eric: Oh, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, no, it's okay.
3:38
Matt: It's it's you or them.
3:39
Matt: It is you or them.
3:41
Matt: If it's me or them, uh again, this feels like dicey territory.
3:46
Matt: But these are violent children, demons spawn, yes, coming upon me in the street.
3:52
Matt: Yes, they are evil children.
3:54
Matt: If it's third graders, and I really want to kick.
3:57
Matt: And you, Matt, you yeah, this is you just you're going all out.
4:02
Matt: I'm giving myself three easy.
4:04
Matt: I think I can handle three.
4:06
Matt: Well, I should say two easy.
4:08
Matt: I can handle two, no problem.
4:10
Matt: I think three, if I'm answer if I'm giving you an honest answer.
4:13
Matt: I think three is where, because I I am not skilled in the ways of karate like some other people on this podcast.
4:21
Matt: So I think my unskilled fighting style, my my bare knuckle drive, yeah, can handle three.
4:31
Eric: Yeah, handle three.
4:32
Eric: I mean, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit.
4:34
Eric: I think you could kick the shit out of way more children than that.
4:37
Eric: Well, let's see.
4:38
Eric: Because remember, you've got reach, you've got you've got height, you've got weight on all of them.
4:44
Matt: I think if you're right, if I could well, but they've got the gang up ability, as as they as they showed you.
4:52
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
4:53
Eric: But like, I feel like you'd I feel like with your with your advantage, you'd like alpha strike one, and that would make the others hesitate a little bit.
5:02
Matt: You gotta limit your numbers immediately.
5:05
Matt: So yes, I agree.
5:06
Matt: If I can get a good solid if I could get one good solid kick to the face of one.
5:11
Eric: Just really just down this kid.
5:13
Matt: Just down a kid right away, and then focus my efforts on the two alphas.
5:18
Matt: Yeah.
5:19
Matt: You know, take out the lackey and then And it's not like a surprise attack.
5:22
Eric: You know you're going into this fight.
5:24
Eric: Yeah.
5:25
Matt: Oh, yeah.
5:26
Matt: I mean, listen, when you're in the alley and the Dekenzian urkshins approach you, you know it's they turn into the alley like, oh, hello, hello, God.
5:37
Matt: One of them's flipping a coin some for some reason.
5:40
Eric: One of them's got a fucking chain.
5:42
Eric: He's just spinning.
5:44
Eric: Don't know why.
5:45
Eric: Now this is turning into a clockwork orange.
5:48
Matt: They've all got those little hats.
5:49
Matt: Third graders.
5:49
Matt: Yes.
5:50
Matt: Oh man.
5:51
Matt: Yeah, they've got they've got page boy hats and otherwise look like a clockwork orange, and they're third graders.
5:57
Matt: I love this.
5:58
Matt: I would watch that movie.
6:01
Matt: I think uh I think we're gonna live this movie.
6:05
Matt: I think once the third graders find out, I I feel like we're big with the third grade crowd.
6:10
Eric: Yeah.
6:10
Eric: Oh yeah.
6:11
Matt: So once once they hear this episode, uh they'll get ideas.
6:15
Eric: Yeah.
6:16
Eric: So so you're so you so you're what's your final answer?
6:19
Eric: Is it three?
6:20
Eric: Do you think you could do more?
6:21
Eric: How many how many kids do you think you could fucking take in a four?
6:24
Matt: With with the vote of confidence from you, Eric, I think.
6:29
Matt: I'll give myself thank you.
6:30
Matt: I'll give myself a bonus one.
6:32
Matt: I'll say four.
6:33
Eric: Four.
6:33
Eric: You kick the shit out of four.
6:35
Eric: What about you?
6:36
Eric: Oh, I would never hurt a child, Matthew.
6:39
Eric: Uh and welcome to another episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
7:01
Eric: I'm Matt Shea.
7:02
Eric: I'm Eric Poach.
7:04
Eric: A WHOS! We got 'em! Yes.
7:11
Eric: Oh, oh, Matt, sorry, I'm I'm getting calls from the local hospitals.
7:16
Eric: It seems like ER admissions are spiking as people are dislocating their knees from how hard they're slapping them.
7:26
Matt: Well, we got you good, did we not?
7:28
Matt: Uh so now, needless to say, uh, as you are no doubt aware, today is April Fool's Day.
7:37
Matt: Uh well, so we thought we'd play around with you at the beginning of uh the 13th episode, Eric.
7:44
Matt: 13th.
7:46
Matt: Um, lucky number, is it not?
7:49
Eric: Yeah.
7:49
Eric: God, 13th episode on April Fool's.
7:53
Eric: One of us is gonna be dead by the end of this episode.
7:56
Matt: So let me ask you this, Eric.
7:58
Matt: Since it's April Fool's Day, uh, this this wasn't an officially submitted question to us, but I feel like it's appropriate to know what is your best prank?
8:08
Matt: Ooh, like prank I have done.
8:12
Matt: Or at least like have been a part of.
8:14
Matt: Yeah.
8:15
Matt: Like, I I don't know that you have to be the ring leader of it, but something that is something you were involved with.
8:23
Eric: Okay.
8:23
Eric: That if that is the question, I immediately know my answer.
8:28
Eric: And that is the question.
8:30
Eric: I'm gonna need you and our good listeners to buckle up as I tell you the story of my senior prank.
8:41
Matt: Oh man, I do love a good senior prank story.
8:44
Eric: Oh, yeah.
8:45
Eric: This one, so it was, as you might guess, my senior year of high school.
8:52
Matt: Uh typically And let me ask you this is there a precedent in this high school?
8:58
Matt: Because senior pranks aren't like, I feel like, always universal.
9:01
Matt: Like they're not always huge with every single high school.
9:04
Matt: They were pretty big in mine.
9:06
Matt: Were they big in yours?
9:07
Eric: So for years leading up to this prank, it had kind of like died down.
9:13
Eric: There were apparently really good pranks back in the day, but for like the past, at this point, for like the past couple generations, um, it was like, uh, we're gonna spray shaving cream on someone's windshield senior prank.
9:28
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:29
Eric: It was really bad.
9:30
Eric: So that year we decided to just really set the fucking bar.
9:36
Eric: Which, as far as I know, has not been surpassed since.
9:41
Eric: Oh, you've been keeping tabs with the uh with with the new generation of Glen Burney gophers?
9:48
Eric: You bet your sweet ass, my dude.
9:50
Eric: Oh, did you know that by the way?
9:51
Eric: My my mascot that they were the Glen Burney Gophers.
9:55
Matt: They were the Glen Burney Gophers.
9:57
Matt: I mean, I think that's pretty good, but I think I got you a little bit on that because as you Yeah, that's a great question, let me tell you.
10:04
Matt: It was the Manheim Township blue streaks, baby.
10:09
Matt: And you might be asking yourself, what the fuck is a blue streak?
10:14
Matt: What a great question.
10:15
Matt: I think it's a lightning bolt.
10:17
Matt: And I think because there's a lightning bolt, there's always a lightning bolt in our logos, but the thing that gets me is we had an official school mascot, which was some lion or some bullshit, but nobody gives a shit about that.
10:30
Matt: The unofficial school mascot was the real mascot, and that was Sir Streakselot.
10:36
Eric: Sir Streaksalot.
10:39
Matt: Yes, and it was an upperclassman who painted himself in blue body paint with uh a blue speedo and some lightning bolts maybe on his shoes or his head, and he'd streak with a speedo across football games, but he was a beloved figure, and this was passed down from like a senior to like a sophomore.
10:59
Matt: Uh, and then there'd be a new Sir Streak slot for like three years.
11:02
Matt: So that was our school mascot.
11:04
Matt: Yeah, no, gopher in retrospect, ain't that bad.
11:07
Eric: I told you the blue streak.
11:09
Eric: Sir Streak slot.
11:11
Eric: I respect the dedication to the blue streak.
11:13
Eric: It sounds like your mascot was more beloved than ours.
11:16
Eric: We didn't give a fuck about our mascot.
11:18
Matt: Well, we didn't give a shit about the lion or whatever.
11:20
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
11:21
Eric: But like you had, your school had an icon that you We had an eye.
11:26
Eric: We had an icon.
11:28
Eric: Us us at GBHS, we didn't have jack shit.
11:32
Eric: Well, you got a gopher.
11:33
Eric: We had a gopher.
11:34
Eric: Matt, our mascot is naturally the prey of most mascots.
11:41
Eric: Our mascot can't be.
11:42
Eric: Not their streaks a lot.
11:44
Eric: Yeah, they can't catch their streaks a lot.
11:46
Eric: Fucking okay.
11:47
Matt: Yeah, but uh but we're okay, we're you're right.
11:50
Eric: We're getting off the topic already.
11:52
Eric: So it the fact that my high school's mascot is the Glen Burney gopher does pertain heavily to the story.
11:59
Eric: So I'm gonna change around some names to protect the innocent.
12:05
Eric: This was not just me.
12:08
Eric: This was about five or six of us.
12:11
Eric: I'm gonna name the main players here.
12:14
Eric: So this all started when sort of the one of the ringleaders of this prank, who will now be referred to as Blondie.
12:25
Eric: Blondie was your standard lovable rascal.
12:31
Eric: Like, he he was a troublemaker, but you couldn't help but love him.
12:36
Eric: Uh he also just could not give could not be fucked to give a damn about academics.
12:43
Eric: So he was in night school.
12:45
Eric: Could not be fucked to give a damn is the as we say in Glen Burney.
12:54
Eric: So he was in night school.
12:57
Eric: Blondie's in night school.
12:58
Eric: One night he's getting out of night school, and on his way out, he sees an obscenely big duffel bag.
13:08
Eric: Like the kind of duffel bag that is so huge it demands investigation.
13:14
Eric: So he goes over to investigate it, and what he finds is that this is the duffel bag that contains the Glen Burney Gopher mascot suit.
13:25
Eric: The entire thing, head, bottom, it's all in there.
13:29
Eric: It's right there, it's right by an exit.
13:33
Matt: I feel as though the I have I have to ask, does the Glen Burney gopher have a name?
13:38
Eric: No, that would require us caring, Matthew.
13:43
Eric: Okay, carry on.
13:44
Eric: Yeah.
13:45
Eric: Um, so yeah, yeah, I thought it might be like Gary the Gopher or something.
13:50
Eric: Yeah.
13:51
Eric: I think people have tried to no avail.
13:53
Eric: So Blondie immediately steals the gopher mascot suit.
13:57
Eric: And he he it and I'll give this to Blondie.
14:01
Eric: He might not have had a damn fuck to give about academics, but he is brilliant, like on the fly.
14:09
Eric: He snatches it and immediately knows where he's gonna go.
14:13
Eric: He flees into the neighborhood that adjoins Glen Burney High School.
14:18
Eric: We have a friend who uh will be hereby referred to as Votek.
14:23
Eric: Votec lives in the neighborhood adjacent to Glen Burney High.
14:27
Eric: She is immediately implicated in what is going to become this prank.
14:32
Eric: He goes to her house, he says, I need you to hide this for about six months.
14:41
Eric: Her immediate answer is yes.
14:43
Eric: And it's worth noting, she immediately implicated.
14:47
Eric: She is a sophomore at this point.
14:50
Eric: She's not even a senior.
14:51
Eric: Oh, she becomes instrumental in this prank, Matt.
14:55
Eric: All right.
14:55
Eric: I'm with you.
14:56
Eric: He steals the suit, stows it at her house.
14:59
Eric: She hides it for six months because that is We're playing the long game now.
15:05
Eric: It is absolutely long game because we knew we would need that amount of time to plan whatever it is we were gonna do.
15:11
Eric: Didn't know what we wanted to do yet, but we knew we were gonna do something good.
15:15
Eric: Uh, so he gets me on board, he gets my boy Mittens on board, and he gets my boy Gyarados on board.
15:22
Eric: Oh boy.
15:23
Eric: Yeah.
15:24
Matt: So we start planning.
15:28
Matt: What names for you to pull out of the hat, by the way?
15:30
Matt: Thanks.
15:30
Matt: Mittens and Gyarados.
15:32
Matt: Mittens and Gyarados.
15:33
Eric: So I gotta give you props on that.
15:35
Eric: It's me, Blondie, Votek, Mittens, and Gyarados.
15:39
Eric: So we spend six months planning.
15:44
Eric: We're like, all right, we have the suit.
15:45
Eric: We need to do something with it.
15:47
Eric: What do we want to do?
15:48
Eric: We immediately decide we're not gonna do anything destructive.
15:52
Eric: We're not gonna we're not gonna wreck the suit, we're not gonna cause damage to school property.
15:56
Eric: We wanna do something hilarious, and we're gonna return the suit by hilarious mechanisms.
16:03
Eric: What we decided we wanted to do, and now it's important that I explain the layout of my school.
16:09
Eric: My school is an open campus.
16:11
Eric: It's actually five separate buildings with like open campus in between them.
16:16
Eric: And the school is old.
16:18
Eric: So the oldest building called Old Main had a gigantic smokestack on it uh that you could see from like a mile around.
16:28
Eric: Oh, okay.
16:29
Eric: Yeah, sure.
16:30
Eric: Uh so we decided what we were going to do is we were going to dangle the gopher suit uh from the smokestack.
16:41
Eric: And originally some well, well, originally someone proposed, and I think this was like so they're like, oh yeah, you should like hang it from the smokestack and put like fake feet in the bottom so it looks like someone was like, God, no, fucking Jesus, that's grim.
16:54
Eric: Yeah, I was gonna say this looks as hell.
16:57
Eric: We did not do that.
16:58
Eric: What we opted to do is we actually built a rope swing and we put the gopher suit in a lovely Sunday dress, and like we we put and so we made it so the gopher was like having a merry little swing from the from the having a little spring swing.
17:15
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
17:16
Eric: Yeah, we got like a bonnet and everything.
17:18
Eric: It was delightful.
17:19
Eric: Okay.
17:20
Eric: Uh, but here's here's where things get complex.
17:24
Eric: Uh thing things we had to figure out how we were going to get on campus with the gopher suit at night.
17:32
Eric: That one's not too hard.
17:33
Eric: Uh the biggest challenge, and we we started like scoping this out months ahead of time.
17:40
Eric: We were like, okay, we need to get to the smokestack.
17:43
Eric: Because the smokestack had like these iron rungs in it that we we saw we could climb.
17:47
Eric: But here's the wild thing there is no roof access to that smokestack.
17:53
Eric: So what?
17:55
Eric: How do they get in?
17:56
Eric: How do they get it?
17:58
Eric: There's a reason that smokestack is like bore like crumbling.
18:02
Eric: It is it is old.
18:04
Eric: Well, okay, so it's not an operable smoke.
18:06
Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:08
Eric: Yeah, it's been it's been inoperable for like half a century.
18:11
Matt: Um yeah, but there must have been a way to get into like to the top of it, like for maintenance or whatever, right?
18:16
Eric: We would think nope.
18:18
Matt: Not we and we all right, I would have thought.
18:21
Eric: We exhausted every possible like we even knew some of the janitors.
18:25
Eric: Like, we asked around like how they get up there, and they're and they are the ones who told like there's no way to get up there.
18:30
Eric: Um so here's And that didn't that didn't that wasn't that didn't raise any of the janitors.
18:37
Eric: We were friends with the janitors.
18:40
Eric: Always got to be.
18:41
Eric: Always got to be.
18:42
Eric: So here's here was our solution.
18:45
Eric: Since we could not access the rooftop through any door, uh ladder, anything like that, we decided to build a grappling hook.
18:54
Eric: Oh no.
18:55
Eric: We were going to scale the side of the building fucking Batman and Robin style.
19:01
Eric: And we Okay.
19:02
Eric: So so here's where Votec comes in again.
19:06
Eric: Oh boy, yeah, sure.
19:08
Eric: Votec was taking a welding class at the vocational school nearby, which was called VoTec.
19:16
Eric: No.
19:17
Eric: She was taking a welding class.
19:21
Eric: Matt, we told we had her make the grappling hook out of rebar in her welding class.
19:27
Eric: And her welding class had a rebar.
19:29
Eric: Oh yeah.
19:30
Eric: Oh yeah, she had all the tools to make it.
19:32
Eric: And she made it, she told Matt, she told her fucking teacher she was making an octopus because it looked like one with the little the little curly bits.
19:40
Matt: So she's like, oh yeah, making it her teacher was like the teacher was like, Wow, this is the shittiest looking octopus they have.
19:49
Eric: The teachers at Votek were like, all right, it's not a weapon, dope.
19:52
Eric: Looks more like a grappling hook to me.
19:55
Eric: So Votek made a fucking grappling hook out of rebar.
20:00
Eric: We got like 30 feet of of nylon of like fucking nylon uh uh uh mountain climbing rope, and we hooked that through.
20:11
Eric: So we had our grappling hook.
20:14
Eric: We spent like a month plotting the route over the building rooftops you would have to take because it would involve grappling hooking and climbing several different levels to get to the tiers of levels.
20:26
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:27
Eric: Tiers of buildings.
20:29
Eric: So the night we decided to do it, it was near the end of the year.
20:34
Eric: We all decide to meet meet up at Votek's house because she's the closest to the school.
20:40
Eric: Votec's mom, who is a goddamn saint, she was like that mom.
20:46
Eric: Like we she considered us all her kids.
20:48
Eric: So we went to her, we were honest with her.
20:50
Eric: And we we all gave our parents different stories.
20:53
Matt: You just told me.
20:54
Eric: Oh, we just regularly were like, look, mom, we all called her mom.
20:56
Eric: We're like, mom, we're going to prank the school hard.
20:59
Eric: We're not doing anything destructive.
21:01
Eric: We just need you if it comes to the world.
21:03
Matt: You're not doing anything destructive.
21:05
Matt: You could die.
21:07
Matt: Well, not anything destructive to the school or the suit, but yeah, until your fucking rebar homemade grappling hooks pull off the bricks of the roof.
21:16
Matt: Details, Matthew.
21:17
Eric: Alright, alright, you're right.
21:19
Eric: I can't change the past.
21:20
Eric: We can't change the past.
21:21
Eric: So we go to her, we say, We're doing this.
21:24
Eric: We told her our exact plan, and we we told her, like, look, can you give us an alibi if this goes back?
21:32
Eric: Like, if anyone asks, if anyone questions, can you be our adult alibi?
21:36
Eric: She's like, Yeah, sure.
21:38
Eric: So we have an adult willing to lie for us, and we've got a fucking.
21:43
Eric: This is where we bring in Mittens and Gyarados.
21:46
Eric: Uh, so they were crucial in planning.
21:49
Eric: Most of most of the planning was done by Mittens and Blondie.
21:53
Eric: And we would need at least four of us to be able to not only scale this building in the dead of night.
22:00
Eric: Night, but do so carrying all of the fucking shit we need to suspend a rope swing and mascot suit from the smokestack.
22:11
Eric: So it is like 2 or 3 a.m.
22:15
Eric: Uh-huh.
22:16
Eric: And back then, they didn't keep all the lights on campus were kept off.
22:21
Eric: Okay.
22:22
Eric: Okay.
22:23
Eric: What?
22:24
Eric: Like there were no there were no parking lot lights.
22:26
Eric: There were no like at 2 3 a.m.
22:28
Eric: they would turn off all the lights.
22:29
Eric: There were like street lights on, but there were no remember open campus, like there were there were actual like floodlights over campus.
22:37
Eric: They turned all that off.
22:38
Matt: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
22:39
Matt: There's no like over like the the bus ports or whatever.
22:43
Matt: Like my school had at least like exterior like security lights and shit.
22:48
Eric: Oh Matt, ever since this prank, they now have those lights on 247.
22:53
Matt: I see.
22:54
Matt: But back then they were like, uh huh.
22:56
Matt: I see you broke their uh their suspension of disbelief that that everything would be fine during the nighttime.
23:04
Matt: Yeah.
23:04
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:05
Matt: Got it, got it.
23:06
Eric: So we go to the school.
23:09
Eric: We so open campus separate buildings, but there's a big wrought iron fence that connects all the buildings to form like a barrier.
23:17
Eric: So there's still like a contained school.
23:20
Matt: Yeah, you still got your like general uh school property container.
23:24
Eric: Yes.
23:25
Eric: Yeah, hopping that fence, not difficult.
23:27
Eric: It's like five or six feet tall.
23:29
Eric: The key was a couple years prior, our school had installed cameras on certain points of the buildings.
23:40
Eric: So we first did some digging to find out which of the camera because Clemberney High School famously underfunded.
23:51
Eric: Not all those cameras were real.
23:53
Eric: Only like two or three of them were actual functional cameras.
23:56
Eric: Yeah.
23:57
Eric: The rest were fake.
23:57
Eric: So we had the key locations, the rest are all decoys.
24:02
Eric: Once we found out which cameras were real and fake, we then had we we again, this was in the months leading up to it.
24:10
Eric: We plotted out the exact route through the campus we would have to take, so we did not show up on any cameras.
24:16
Eric: So we get to the first tier.
24:18
Eric: We're not even implementing the grappling hook yet.
24:21
Eric: The first tier is easy enough to get to because there's a fucking thick ass water pipe that goes up one of the walls.
24:26
Eric: So we climb the pipe to get up the walls, carrying everything going up there.
24:32
Eric: What is this?
24:32
Eric: Hitman?
24:33
Eric: Oh yeah, dude.
24:34
Eric: We were we were just a bunch of fucking 18-year-old shitheads and 17-year-old shitheads, and we we're oceans 11ing this shit.
24:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:46
Matt: They had a little bit more style than your rebar, your homemade, janky ass BE system you've got going on.
24:54
Matt: It was so, it was so janky, Matt.
24:57
Matt: It was so janky.
24:58
Matt: So sorry, I broke you up.
25:00
Matt: You're going up the water pipe.
25:01
Eric: We got the apply of the water pipe, level one.
25:04
Eric: Now, this is where me and Gyarados stay at level one.
25:10
Eric: And so the target level is what?
25:12
Eric: Like where is the smokestack level?
25:14
Eric: So level one to three is where the building that has the smokestack begins, and then level four, we could call that the smokestack itself.
25:25
Eric: Got it.
25:26
Eric: Okay.
25:26
Eric: So I think I stayed at either level one or level two because I was part of like the chain that would pass the stuff up.
25:34
Eric: So we had people on every level, and then we had like this sort of system where we would hand up the stuff all the way from the ground level.
25:43
unknown: Okay.
25:44
Eric: So me and Gyarados, we're levels one and two.
25:47
Eric: Blondie and Mittens go up, they're level three and four.
25:51
Eric: They're the ones actually like fucking swing t swing tossing this rebar grappling hook up like 20 or 30 feet to each level, and then catching it on something and praying as they climb the rope.
26:07
Eric: Holy shit.
26:08
Eric: They eventually get to the smokestack, and to this day, I will never I I don't think I will ever possess the amount of courage it took Blondie and Mittens to not only scale this rickety ass smokestack, but to scale this rickety ass smokestack in the dead of night, easily like 50 feet off the ground, and and like it's windy, it's dead of night, there is no light to do this by, and they somehow secure this rope swing with the gopher suit in it.
26:44
Eric: The gopher suit is wearing the dress, holding the ropes, clearly having a lovely rope swing time.
26:51
Eric: That's my question.
26:52
Eric: How did they secure this?
26:53
Eric: Because there's no hook there or something there, right?
26:57
Eric: They they I think they tied it off.
26:59
Eric: Like, remember when I said there were those iron rungs going up the smokestack?
27:03
Eric: They tied them to those.
27:05
Matt: Oh, I see.
27:05
Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:06
Matt: You did say that.
27:07
Eric: Okay, uh so oh, and here's the here's the extra fun bit.
27:10
Eric: The gopher suit isn't the only thing we dangled from the smokestack.
27:14
Eric: We made a sign so we can make this clear who did that.
27:17
Eric: A calling card, if you will.
27:19
Eric: Oh yeah, gotta have one.
27:20
Eric: Oh yeah.
27:20
Eric: We made a giant sign.
27:22
Eric: It was like a five foot by five foot uh like giant scroll of of canvas that we had spray painted stenciled letters onto, and it was a poem.
27:35
Eric: And the and so you had the gopher suit and the swing, and then below the swing was a giant ass sign that you could read from the courtyard where everyone would be convening in the morning when they got to school.
27:47
Eric: And the sign read, and I remember this poem to this day sex, drugs, rock and roll, speed, weed, and birth control.
27:55
Eric: Shake your ass, wear a thong, party hard all night long.
27:58
Eric: Sex is awesome, life is great, we're the class of 2008.
28:04
Eric: Oh my god.
28:05
Eric: Wow.
28:07
Matt: So Okay, so you pulled this off?
28:10
Matt: Yo, we pulled it off.
28:12
Matt: They never caught us.
28:14
Matt: Uh yeah, I was gonna say, well, they will now.
28:18
Matt: So I have questions.
28:19
Matt: There was never any consequences to this.
28:21
Matt: How long I have lots of questions.
28:23
Matt: Yeah, what were the consequences?
28:24
Matt: What did no you said no one got caught, but how long was this up?
28:30
Eric: So it was so consequences.
28:34
Eric: First consequence that school was never unlit at night ever again.
28:39
Eric: I bet it was not.
28:40
Eric: Yeah.
28:42
Eric: Consequence number two, this is this is a hilarious one.
28:46
Eric: Ah, sort of hilarious.
28:47
Eric: Some people got mad about this.
28:49
Eric: I understand why, but again, I will reiterate, we were 17 years old and shitheads.
28:54
Eric: Yeah, of course.
28:56
Eric: We did not destroy any school property.
28:58
Eric: No harm came to the suit, no harm came to the actual building itself.
29:01
Eric: We didn't break anything to get in.
29:03
Eric: Because again, open campus.
29:04
Eric: We didn't have to smash windows or anything like that.
29:06
Matt: We just had to climb a bunch of sheets.
29:07
Matt: You didn't do anything overtly illegal.
29:10
Matt: So except trespass.
29:12
Eric: The correct.
29:14
Eric: The gopher suit was in the swing and the sign was up there almost all day.
29:20
Eric: Because, Matt, remember how I said there was no roof access?
29:25
Eric: They couldn't figure out how to get it down.
29:26
Eric: They couldn't figure out how to get it down, and they were baffled as to how it got up there.
29:32
Eric: They eventually had to call in the fire department.
29:36
Matt: Oh my god.
29:38
Matt: So there is a good consequence because that is an expense.
29:42
Eric: Yeah, so again, that's where we were like, okay, we feel bad that the fire department had to get involved to get it down.
29:49
Eric: Couldn't they just get a genie or something?
29:51
Eric: Matt, do you think Glenburnie High School could afford a genie?
29:55
Eric: They couldn't rent one?
29:58
Eric: Nope.
29:59
Eric: And well, that is Matt, they would have to get the way the buildings were, they would have to get a genie that could go up at least like 50 or 60 feet.
30:09
Eric: Like five stories.
30:11
Eric: It's a tall order.
30:11
Eric: Yeah.
30:12
Eric: So the only thing that could reach at smokestack was a fire truck.
30:16
Eric: Uh, the fireman, the blessed fireman of Anne Arnold County.
30:21
Eric: Thank you so much.
30:22
Eric: If you're listening to this and you're one of the firemen, or you know one of the firemen who had to do this, I apologize.
30:27
Eric: You're wonderful.
30:28
Eric: I'm sorry we had to like, you know, waste an hour of your life to do this.
30:32
Eric: Um they got it down.
30:34
Eric: The principal was fucking furious.
30:39
Eric: He the teachers all loved it.
30:42
Eric: The janitor and the janitors loved it, the kids loved it, everyone loved it.
30:46
Eric: The principal was furious.
30:49
Eric: Okay.
30:49
Eric: So he tried everything in his power to get us caught.
30:57
Eric: Like, if you know who it was, come forward.
31:00
Eric: Then the story became oh, well, if we can't, if we don't find out who it was, we're gonna charge the entire senior class the cost of getting the fire truck in there.
31:09
Eric: And we all immediately called that as bullshit.
31:12
Eric: We're like, no, no, you're not.
31:15
Eric: Who all knew in advance?
31:17
Eric: Was it only the crew and people who knew in advance the crew, Votech's mom, and like maybe a handful of very close friends, like people we knew would take that shit to their grave.
31:33
Eric: After the prank, within a day, damn near everyone knew, like almost every single one of our friends knew, a bunch of our teachers knew, but no one would fucking confess to the principal.
31:48
Eric: This guy was hated, nobody liked him, so they all took great joy in not saying shit.
31:55
Eric: No one said a damn thing.
31:58
Eric: He he tried every he tried the oh, well, we got you on camera.
32:02
Eric: It's better to confess now.
32:03
Eric: We're like, no, you didn't.
32:06
Eric: Right.
32:06
Eric: Yeah.
32:06
Eric: Maybe next time buy more cameras.
32:09
Eric: Yeah.
32:09
Eric: Um they they didn't know it, uh there were a few of the other admin people who didn't know um and didn't want to know because they're like plausible deniability, yada yada, yada.
32:21
Eric: It wasn't till our graduation ceremony we we all made a point as the principal is handing us our diploma, and we already had our paperwork that said we graduated high school.
32:38
Eric: We each leaned into him and said, It was me.
32:43
Eric: Oh my god.
32:45
Matt: And he didn't, or did so when you did this, did he have any change?
32:49
Eric: Just like like Did he know what you were talking about?
32:53
Eric: Uh, I think the first couple of ones, like he he just looked confused and like kept shaking in, but by the end, like he when he saw who was saying it was me, light bulbs started going off in his head.
33:05
Eric: So yeah, we got some dirty ass looks.
33:07
Eric: The rest of the teachers shit, they thought it was great.
33:11
Matt: Wow.
33:12
Matt: Well, that that is an epic prank.
33:14
Matt: I can't I don't have anything that comes close.
33:16
Matt: Best prank I ever pulled.
33:19
Eric: And since then, oh, some other seniors tried to pull a prank that year.
33:22
Eric: Their prank that year was they put some golf balls in the parking lot.
33:26
Matt: Well, great by comparison.
33:28
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:30
Matt: Yeah, you overshadowed that one for sure.
33:33
Matt: Oh yeah.
33:33
Matt: Well, you know, Eric, I I applaud you.
33:37
Matt: I would never have had the the uh cojones to to do such a prank to to and even if I did plan it.
33:47
Matt: I mean, as soon as we got there, I'd be like, this is stupid.
33:50
Matt: This is no, we're not doing this.
33:52
Matt: But you overcame that common sense and you accomplished a brilliant historical prank.
33:59
Eric: So sheer piss and vinegar, my friend.
34:01
Matt: Uh well, what an opening.
34:04
Matt: Yes.
34:05
Matt: So, Eric, why don't we move on now to uh bring back our second batch of fast fives?
34:13
Matt: Oh yeah.
34:15
Matt: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
34:16
Matt: So we uh this time around, Eric, uh why don't you start us off with uh our fast fives?
34:25
Matt: I'm gonna get the timer set.
34:27
Matt: I think same rules as last time, yeah.
34:29
Matt: You you get the first one for free, get to read that off, and then I'll start the timer and we'll I'll keep you on track from the time.
34:36
Matt: Perfect.
34:37
Matt: All right.
34:38
Matt: I'm ready when you are.
34:39
Matt: I'm are you ready?
34:40
Matt: Oh, I'm ready, babe.
34:41
Matt: All right.
34:42
Matt: All right.
34:42
Matt: Uh yeah, I feel good.
34:43
Matt: I feel limber.
34:44
Matt: I'm ready to go.
34:45
Matt: Yep.
34:45
Eric: All right.
34:46
Eric: All right, Matthew, to start off our fast five.
34:49
Eric: On an airplane, to whom does each armrest belong begin?
34:54
Eric: Yeah, so the uh it's I think it depends.
34:58
Matt: So this is right.
34:59
Matt: It yeah.
35:00
Matt: Oh, I'm so while I'm while I'm stumbling, go ahead.
35:03
Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:04
Matt: Whoever gets there first.
35:05
Matt: Like if you get there first.
35:07
Matt: I thought you meant between us.
35:08
Eric: Oh, no, no, no, yeah.
35:09
Matt: You establish how the side of the way so if you've got one on either side, you're saying if you get there and you throw your fucking elbow, you throw bows on both those armrests, they're both yours.
35:19
Eric: I mean, it depends on like positioning and stuff, but like you're guaranteed an armrest if you get there first.
35:25
Eric: And you might get 20 seconds.
35:26
Eric: 20 seconds left.
35:27
Matt: Yeah, no, I don't think there I don't think you get both.
35:30
Matt: You get at least one, and I think generally speaking, if you're on the I think if you're on the window seat and there's one to your left, then you then it's the left one.
35:40
Matt: Yeah.
35:41
Eric: Okay, what does middle what does middle row get?
35:44
Matt: Uh I think it goes from the left, and that's a minute.
35:46
Matt: We gotta stop.
35:46
Matt: Okay.
35:47
Matt: All right, your turn.
35:48
Matt: I so so the one to the left uh is the answer there.
35:51
Matt: Uh spaghettios, super pasta, fork or spoon, and that comes from eboots one.
35:58
Eric: Spoon definitely not pasta.
36:01
Eric: I'm I'm I'm calling it pasta flavored soup.
36:04
Matt: Yeah.
36:05
Matt: I well, no, I don't think it's got enough broth to be soup, right?
36:11
Matt: It's kind of j it's just kind of it's just a thick sauce, is it not?
36:16
Matt: That sauce can get real soupy.
36:19
Eric: Okay, okay.
36:20
Eric: Uh we got a 25 seconds.
36:22
Eric: I wouldn't I would never put spaghettios on a plate, is what I'm getting at.
36:25
Eric: That's why I I I would define it as soup instead of pasta.
36:29
Matt: Okay, I yes, I hear that.
36:31
Matt: That's good logic.
36:33
Matt: I I and I and for that same reason I would say spoon over fork.
36:38
Matt: Okay.
36:38
Matt: Yeah, yeah.
36:40
Matt: So soup and spoon.
36:41
Matt: Soup and spoon.
36:42
Matt: Okay, great.
36:43
Matt: Thank you, Eboots.
36:44
Eric: Go.
36:45
Eric: All right.
36:45
Eric: Is a visual album just a movie musical?
36:48
Eric: And that's from Jayley?
36:51
Eric: Jay Ely, I believe.
36:52
Eric: Jay Ely.
36:53
Matt: Thank you, Jay Ely.
36:56
Matt: I'll give us some extra seconds on that.
36:57
Matt: Now, this is a tough one.
36:59
Matt: Uh, so uh mmm mm-mm.
37:03
Matt: I mean, kind of, right?
37:04
Matt: Like it's an extended music video, essentially.
37:07
Matt: I mean, with an elevated status.
37:10
Eric: Do you consider Across the Universe to be a visual album?
37:13
Eric: I consider it to be the longest Beatles music video ever written.
37:16
Matt: No, well, I don't know about that because like you could if you want to go back, like Hard Days Night and The Who's Tommy and things like that.
37:23
Matt: I mean, those are essentially visual albums before the term was invented.
37:27
Matt: Yeah.
37:28
Matt: I don't think.
37:28
Matt: But in thinking about like lemonade, yeah, I think I don't think so either.
37:33
Matt: Because I think it's essentially a um there's there's a through line.
37:38
Eric: Yeah, there's no critical plot that I have to understand for a visual album.
37:42
Eric: Yes.
37:43
Eric: There's no resolution that I need to find, generally speaking.
37:46
Matt: Yeah, I d I'm gonna say no.
37:48
Matt: I'm gonna say no.
37:49
Matt: Not.
37:50
Matt: And I think we're over time on that one.
37:52
Matt: So this one's just came from me.
37:54
Matt: This came from my brain, and uh, I don't know where it came from, but what is the sexiest chess piece?
38:00
Eric: Night.
38:01
Eric: Night night, big, noble, hor like noble horseman on a beautiful, on a beautiful horse.
38:08
Eric: Oh, they're gonna think I'm a furry.
38:10
Eric: I'm not a furry, but it is the sexiest in its movement and in its concept.
38:14
Eric: You don't think the bishop?
38:16
Eric: Bishop sexy! Sell me on this.
38:18
Eric: You have about ten seconds.
38:20
Matt: Sure.
38:21
Matt: I think about the shape of the bishop.
38:23
Eric: It's a very erotic shape.
38:26
Matt: It is very erotic, isn't it?
38:28
Eric: It looks like either a dick or the weirdest boob.
38:31
Eric: What?
38:32
Eric: It does not look like a boob.
38:33
Matt: Exactly.
38:34
Eric: That's why I said weirdest.
38:35
Matt: Weirdest boob.
38:37
Matt: Uh uh, yeah, I don't know.
38:40
Matt: Uh uh, this how do we come to a determination?
38:43
Eric: Uh, I think that's for everyone to determine themselves.
38:46
Eric: I don't think we have to agree.
38:47
Eric: I think we just have to know our answer.
38:48
Eric: I know my answer is.
38:49
Eric: Those are all personals.
38:50
Matt: Yeah.
38:51
Matt: Okay, we're so we got about 20, 40 seconds left in the whole five minutes.
38:56
Matt: So good.
38:57
Eric: Uh, what is one pizza ingredient that should never have been introduced?
39:00
Eric: Black olives is the only correct answer.
39:03
Matt: Oh, I also don't like black olives on a pizza.
39:06
Matt: Yeah.
39:07
Matt: I would I'm tempted to say anchovies because why was that ever put on there?
39:10
Matt: Yeah, but I don't think I've ever had an anchovy.
39:12
Eric: I don't, I've never had an anchovy pizza.
39:15
Matt: So I can't, I because I kind of think the salt factor could be nice.
39:19
Eric: Yes, could be nice.
39:20
Eric: Salty cheese, salty cheese, babe.
39:22
Matt: So I'm fine with saying black olives.
39:24
Matt: Say black olives yielding to that.
39:26
Matt: And that is the five-minute mark.
39:28
Matt: So we got a little off of the minute each that time, but hey, we hit five minutes.
39:32
Matt: We done did it.
39:34
Matt: Uh, so thank you all for the questions.
39:36
Matt: Those came from Simply Lindsay, uh, myself, Jay Ely, eBoots One, and I don't think I don't know if we said the on the airplane, the to whom does each armrest belong.
39:46
Matt: That came from Brewer the Dog.
39:47
Matt: That came from Brewer the Dog.
39:48
Matt: Brewer the Dog, I do apologize.
39:51
Matt: No problem, I say, as if I am Brewer the Dog.
39:54
Matt: You speak on you speak on Brewer's Behalf.
39:56
Matt: I speak on Brewer's behalf.
39:58
Matt: Yeah.
39:58
Matt: Uh okay, so let's get back into the uh the main questions here, Eric, shall we?
40:04
Matt: Yes.
40:05
Matt: And this one also comes from uh Simply Lindsay.
40:09
Matt: Uh thank you, Simply Lindsay, for the question.
40:12
Matt: It is what happens to the hour of daylight savings time?
40:17
Matt: And I think this is particularly topical because we are recording this episode on the day of daylight savings time.
40:26
Eric: Getting that getting that vitamin D, and it's 622.
40:29
Eric: This is great.
40:31
Matt: You know, and and it's just flooding the room, the the sunset.
40:36
Eric: Magical.
40:37
Matt: So I think can we start by saying, just stating for the record how stupid daylight savings time is.
40:45
Eric: In the modern age, yes.
40:48
Eric: Like the fact that we're still doing it.
40:50
Matt: But there uh the they I have seen, we we've all seen the John Oliver bit and other things that show there's no real historical precedence for why it was a thing in the past.
41:03
Matt: Like the whole farmer angle we've all heard.
41:05
Matt: It's always bullshit.
41:07
Eric: Really?
41:07
Matt: Yeah, it like go watch that John Oliver bit, which is uh like how is this still a thing, daylight savings time?
41:14
Matt: Because it talks like they interview farmers and stuff to say, like, what farming activity do you benefit from from an extra hour?
41:25
Matt: And pretty much the answer across the board is it none.
41:28
Eric: Well, I've heard farmer thing, I've also heard it helped conserve candle wax, like back when, like Oh, maybe like that, like back when we were still lighting everything with cam, but again, uh that's a I I remember someone telling me that vaguely.
41:43
Eric: Yeah, that sounds like it shouldn't be.
41:46
Eric: That sounds like a thing.
41:48
Matt: It sounds like a thing.
41:49
Matt: So what happens to it though?
41:51
Matt: I think this is more, I don't think there's a practical answer.
41:54
Matt: No, no, no.
41:55
Matt: I think this is more of I think this lies in the philosophical realm.
42:00
Matt: Yeah, open your third eye, my son.
42:02
Matt: We're we're about to get it's about to get it.
42:05
Matt: What we know is that the hour essentially goes away.
42:09
Matt: You're at 1591 second, and then boom, you're sitting at 3 a.m.
42:15
Matt: Yeah, just just a few minutes shy of Miller time.
42:20
Matt: So the so it it it gets out of there before Miller time, this hour does.
42:26
Matt: But then it comes back.
42:28
Matt: Yeah it comes back in the fall.
42:31
Matt: So where did it go?
42:32
Eric: Where did it go?
42:33
Matt: I mean, that does lead me to believe that it goes somewhere.
42:36
Matt: It doesn't it doesn't die.
42:37
Matt: We don't this hour doesn't evaporate.
42:41
Matt: Or maybe they're different hours.
42:43
Eric: Is it like is it like is it like you know, ducks?
42:48
Eric: What?
42:48
Eric: Ducks flying south in the winter?
42:50
Matt: Migration, you mean?
42:52
Eric: Yes.
42:53
Eric: Does the hour simply migrate?
42:55
Eric: And if it does, where does it go, Matthew?
42:58
Matt: Interesting.
43:00
Eric: This is an interesting migratory time.
43:03
Matt: Okay, so we have an hour.
43:05
Matt: We have an hour.
43:05
Matt: We know it disappears, but it migrates for the s the warm months.
43:10
Matt: Yes, it goes to the warmer hemisphere.
43:14
Matt: Yeah, okay.
43:15
Matt: Well, so first of all, there are we should acknowledge there are places that do not recognize Daylight Savings.
43:21
Matt: No, which is what even within the United States.
43:23
Eric: Can we talk about what a fucking power move that is?
43:26
Eric: Such a power move.
43:27
Eric: They refuse, they stand against time itself.
43:33
Matt: They said we decide what time is because of course time is not real.
43:38
Matt: It should we should point out that we made it up again.
43:41
Matt: We made it up.
43:43
Matt: So what happens to this mystery hour that we cut away?
43:48
Matt: I think okay, let's follow this, let's follow the migration trail for a minute.
43:53
Matt: If it's migrating, it's migrating, it's it's seeking uh it migrates for the summer months.
43:59
Matt: Yeah.
44:00
Matt: Where could it go?
44:02
Matt: It's not since it's not a physical being, it can't go anywhere like on Earth.
44:07
Matt: We we it's not like an hour shifts to to the eastern countries and then comes back.
44:13
Matt: That like that doesn't happen.
44:15
Matt: So I think it must go to some other realm.
44:20
Eric: I think that realm that so you know some other timeline.
44:25
Eric: You know that moment.
44:28
Eric: I think we've all had this where you you wake up, you're like, oh, okay, time to go to work.
44:34
Eric: You're like in your like, you've gotten up, you've started getting ready, you've like maybe even made it as far as getting dressed, and then you look at the clock and realize it's like 3 a.m.
44:44
Eric: You don't have to be up for another like three or four hours.
44:48
Eric: Yeah.
44:48
Eric: Oh my god, this happens to me all the time.
44:50
Eric: I've done it, and like that feeling of both uh once I took a shower.
44:55
Matt: Yeah, like I've been balls deep in my morning routine, and then then realized I yeah, it it hasn't happened to me in a long time, but it has it was a problem for many years that I would wake up in the middle of the night and just be like, uh, time to get up.
45:10
Matt: And one time I got so far as taking a shower.
45:14
Matt: Yeah.
45:15
Matt: And it wasn't until I got out of the shower that I like looked at the clock and I was like, why does that say 3 30?
45:21
Matt: Yep.
45:22
Eric: Oh.
45:23
Eric: Or if you've ever laid down to take a nap, and like it's like, like, I don't know about you, I'll take nap any goddamn time.
45:30
Eric: So, like, there have been times when I've laid down to take a nap at like 5 p.m., I fall so hard asleep.
45:37
Eric: I wake up at like 6 30 or 7 p.m., and my brain automatically assumes it is 7 a.m.
45:43
Eric: that I just slept through till 7 a.m.
45:45
Eric: the next day, and that's like, oh, it's only 7 p.m.
45:48
Eric: at night.
45:48
Eric: I think that's where that time's going.
45:50
Eric: It's going into your brain, into your perception, Matthew.
45:54
Matt: Interesting.
45:54
Matt: It goes so you're saying it goes into your own like consciousness?
46:00
Eric: Yes.
46:00
Eric: That is where it migrates.
46:02
Eric: And then once you have that moment, that is the hour being released back into the universe.
46:06
Eric: It is ready to be added back to the calendar.
46:09
Matt: Okay, so you're saying, since it is like a man-made creation.
46:14
Matt: Yep.
46:15
Matt: It I'm trying to follow you here.
46:17
Matt: So it is it is simply a mind trick daylight savings time.
46:22
Matt: Since time isn't real, and neither is daylight savings time.
46:26
Matt: So by cutting, quote unquote, an hour, it is really it's a limitation that we're putting on our own brains for however many months, and then it comes back in what, October, right?
46:39
Eric: Yeah, whenever it is.
46:41
Eric: I don't even know what rules govern it, because it's always a different day.
46:44
Eric: I know there are things that decide it, but I don't know what they are.
46:48
Eric: Um, yeah.
46:50
Eric: I believe every single time, I believe every single time your brain majorly fucks up like your basically your uh your time true north in your mind, that's a consequence of daylight savings time.
47:03
Matt: Daylight savings time in 2021, by the way, is Sunday, March 14th through Sunday, November 7th.
47:10
Matt: So it goes all the way to fucking November.
47:12
Matt: Yep.
47:12
Matt: And today is my dad's birthday.
47:14
Matt: Happy birthday.
47:16
Matt: You cost us an hour.
47:18
Matt: Damn it, Father.
47:19
Matt: But it's also pie day.
47:21
Matt: Yay! Yay! So okay, so yeah, I think what what what I'm hearing is this is like a self-limitation.
47:29
Matt: Yeah.
47:30
Matt: And once you break the bond, once you once you realize time is an illusion.
47:37
Matt: Yes.
47:38
Matt: And daylight savings time is but an illusion within an illusion.
47:41
Matt: Exactly.
47:43
Matt: Once you feel that brick wall in front of you, you can take your your fist of knowledge and break through that illusion.
47:53
Eric: Matt, may I be the first to say, Welcome to the Illuminati, my friend.
47:58
Eric: Your third eye is now wide open.
48:00
Eric: Oh, I didn't realize I've stumbled upon the Illuminati.
48:04
Eric: Welcome, bud.
48:05
Eric: Turns out it's all to do with daylight savings time.
48:08
Eric: That's all we cover.
48:11
Matt: I like that you've been in it this whole time and I didn't know.
48:14
Eric: Yeah, bud.
48:14
Eric: When you realize time and space are the same thing, yeah, my dude.
48:17
Eric: Come on.
48:18
Matt: Wow.
48:19
Matt: Well, simply, Lindsay, thank you for the question.
48:23
Matt: And now, Eric, I think we have a very special closing segment, a new segment, if you will, fan mail.
48:34
Matt: So we we were sent, but and I think this is partially due to the uh unlikely fights segment, which we have yet to revisit.
48:42
Matt: Uh, we were sent a card game.
48:46
Matt: A cards against humanity esque deck set called Super Fight.
48:53
Matt: Okay.
48:54
Matt: And it's from uh hold on, what is the name of this uh company?
49:00
Matt: Sun World Games makes it, but it was sent to us from Quarantina Keepsane on Instagram.
49:11
Matt: She uh she sent this over to us, and uh, like I said, it's basically set up like cards against humanity is and or uh or apples to apples.
49:19
Matt: You got like black cards, you got white cards.
49:21
Matt: Let me just roll through uh a Spitfire version of these um instructions, and then I think Eric, I think we play around, yeah?
49:31
Eric: Oh yeah, let's do it.
49:32
Eric: Let's do it, let's play around.
49:34
Matt: So let's see.
49:34
Matt: Let's see here.
49:35
Matt: So Superfight, taking absurd arguments online is what the I guess there's this is the online version.
49:42
Matt: It's at SuperfightLive.com.
49:44
Matt: You start with two decks of cards, you got characters and white cards and attributes in black cards.
49:50
Matt: Okay.
49:50
Matt: You with me?
49:51
Matt: Yeah, I'm with you.
49:52
Matt: Invariably, your cards will all be mixed up, so go ahead and sort that out.
49:55
Matt: Okay, sure.
49:56
Matt: I did that.
49:57
Matt: One player starts by drawing three white cards and three black cards and keeps them to themselves.
50:04
Matt: Uh the second player does the same.
50:06
Matt: Now we she only sent us the one.
50:08
Matt: So I'm gonna have to draw your cards for you, Eric.
50:10
Eric: Thank you, Matt.
50:11
Matt: Okay, so build.
50:13
Matt: Each player chooses one white card and one black card from their hand to create a fighter and places those cards face down and discards their remaining cards.
50:23
Matt: So you get three options.
50:24
Matt: You choose the best one.
50:25
Matt: Okay.
50:26
Matt: Uh, and then but I like this instruction.
50:29
Matt: Both players turn over their cards with maximum dramatic tension to reveal their fighters.
50:36
Matt: Laughter occurs.
50:39
Matt: Uh each player then takes a random black card from the deck and adds it to their fighter more laughter.
50:46
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
50:47
Matt: Uh so now we've got one white card, two black cards, and then the debate.
50:51
Matt: Embrace the hand life has dealt you and argue why your fighter would win the fight.
50:55
Matt: Okay, great.
50:56
Matt: So this is pretty straightforward.
50:57
Matt: Okay, so we have assembled our fighters and uh Eric.
51:02
Matt: Yes.
51:02
Matt: I am gonna do you know yours or should I flip it over and reveal?
51:07
Eric: Uh I I know mine.
51:09
Matt: Okay.
51:10
Matt: So virtually flip over your cards and reveal your fighter team.
51:14
Matt: Alright.
51:17
Eric: Kindergarten class riding motorcycles.
51:20
Matt: Kindergarten class riding a motorcycle.
51:24
Matt: Remember that kid.
51:24
Eric: Remember those kids from the cold open?
51:26
Eric: They're back for revenge, Matthew.
51:28
Matt: Oh no, no, no.
51:30
Matt: You tricked me.
51:31
Matt: You tricked me into child abuse.
51:33
Matt: Uh, okay.
51:34
Matt: Well, mine is good.
51:39
Matt: Yours you had cooler sound effects.
51:41
Matt: Uh a nudist that can control machines.
51:46
Eric: Damn it! Okay.
51:48
Matt: Alright, so here you are with a kindergarten class on a machine.
51:54
Eric: On a machine.
51:55
Matt: Barreling, barreling towards me, a nudist, who can control the machines.
52:01
Matt: So why don't you give me your pitch?
52:02
Eric: Alright, my pitch is a kindergarten class.
52:06
Eric: Alright, Matt, well, well, I'll I'll ask you, am I am I seeing this right in my head?
52:11
Eric: I see an entire kindergarten class, they each have their own motorcycle.
52:15
Eric: Or is it in an entire kindergarten class riding a singular motorcycle?
52:21
Matt: If I may, the cards say kindergarten class riding a motorcycle.
52:28
Matt: So you have a clown car situation in your hands.
52:32
Eric: So I wanna, I wanna, then I will argue that the level of intelligence and coordination it takes for a kindergarten class to operate an adult motorcycle as one entity.
52:45
Eric: So like there's a kid on the throttle, there's a kid on the brakes, there's kids like changing gears, and they're all managing to not fall off of this motorcycle.
52:55
Eric: They are riding it.
52:58
Eric: They're I'll give you this, they're probably gonna go down when you when you fling on the motorcycle, but these kids are like insane.
53:05
Eric: They could like form, they're essentially forming a kindergartner mech suit out of children.
53:11
Matt: Yeah, yeah.
53:13
Matt: I hear you there.
53:14
Matt: Okay, they you have these kids, they're they're smart, they're dexterous to be you utilizing all these different parts of the motorcycle, controlling it to perfection while balancing themselves.
53:27
Matt: I hear that.
53:29
Matt: I have they are coming out a nudist who I have to assume.
53:34
Matt: You know what?
53:35
Matt: I was gonna say it doesn't matter.
53:36
Matt: It doesn't matter what the physical form is, the forbidden bits are sh being shown to the kindergartner.
53:43
Eric: Two kindergartners.
53:44
Matt: Okay.
53:44
Matt: So all illegal aspects of that aside, the kindergartners are going to be one in shock and awe of what they are seeing.
53:57
Matt: And awe?
53:58
Matt: Shock and awe.
54:00
Matt: Okay.
54:01
Matt: You you wouldn't have been in awe of the I have to assume statuesque form that is in front of you.
54:11
Eric: Uh I would have been shocked.
54:13
Eric: I'll give you this.
54:14
Eric: I would have been shocked.
54:15
Matt: Then I'll leave it at shocked because that isn't my main point.
54:18
Matt: Because my main qualification is, of course, that I the nudists can control the machines.
54:24
Matt: So you're coming at me with a machine, and that I I feel as if uh uh Magneto, the nudist, extends their hand and flings you into a ravine.
54:38
Eric: It is it is the controlling machines bit that really does it in for these kids.
54:43
Matt: Um I hate it.
54:44
Matt: I hate that it ends up being uh a little Deus Ex Machina, but it is to me.
54:49
Eric: Yeah, it's literally Deus Ex Machina.
54:51
Eric: You know what?
54:51
Eric: No, Matt.
54:52
Eric: I got one move.
54:53
Eric: I will tell you, Matt, I will happily concede that you once again hurt a bunch of children.
55:01
Eric: No, the moral victory is mine.
55:07
Matt: How have I been painted in this light?
55:10
Matt: Uh all right.
55:12
Matt: Known child nemesis, Matt Shea.
55:15
Matt: Well, this has been a fun episode for me.
55:20
Matt: All right.
55:20
Matt: Well, I do want to say thank you, Quarantina Keep Sane, uh, for sending for sending us a legitimate physical thing game.
55:31
Matt: You gave us a thing.
55:33
Matt: That is truly incredible.
55:36
Matt: Uh we don't deserve it.
55:38
Eric: No.
55:38
Matt: Uh and God bless you.
55:40
Eric: Yeah, we and I'll say we don't deserve these things, but that being said, we will gladly accept them.
55:48
Matt: And we will also, of course, accept any and all of your questions.
55:54
Matt: You see how I transitioned, right?
55:56
Matt: To be a mic.
55:57
Eric: Very good, very good.
55:58
Matt: Smooth as butter, baby.
56:00
Matt: Smooth as butter.
56:01
Matt: Uh we do need your questions, though.
56:03
Matt: Yes, please.
56:04
Matt: Please, please.
56:06
Matt: Let me tell you, these questions can be about whatever the fuck you want them to be about, okay?
56:13
Matt: Do whatever you want.
56:14
Matt: We're not your dad.
56:16
Matt: We're not your dad.
56:18
Matt: You can approach us.
56:20
Matt: Yeah.
56:20
Eric: We're like your we're like your stepdads.
56:24
Eric: But we have a cool, we have a cool understanding.
56:27
Eric: I don't know.
56:30
Matt: I think we're losing the metaphor here a little bit.
56:33
Matt: Uh uh, listen, you can approach us with questions about literally anything.
56:40
Matt: Food, uh, uh, mascots.
56:43
Matt: Um, we I mean, we've run the gamut if you made it this far.
56:47
Matt: Yeah.
56:48
Matt: Stop saying that.
56:51
Matt: Uh it's not true.
56:53
Matt: Circumstances were against me.
56:57
Matt: Um, no, but seriously, you can submit any questions that you want about anything, whatever's on your mind, whatever keeps you up at night.
57:05
Matt: When you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleeping, you've got some random question pin ponging around in your brain.
57:12
Matt: Send it to us.
57:13
Matt: Send it to us.
57:14
Matt: And you can send it to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or at Instagram or Twitter on the handle you didn't ask pod.
57:24
Matt: And that's the letter you didn't ask pod.
57:28
Matt: Your questions are the lifeblood of this podcast, so please let us have them.
57:33
Matt: Uh, I think those are the that's the administrative business to get out.
57:40
Matt: Uh Did I forget anything, Eric?
57:42
Matt: No, no, no, no.
57:44
Matt: All right.
57:44
Matt: Well, there you go.
57:46
Matt: Uh yet another episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
57:51
Matt: My name is in fact Matt Shay.
57:54
Eric: My name is in fact Eric Poach.
57:59
Eric: You didn't ask.
58:00
Eric: Glenburnie High School can't prove a goddamn thing.
58:04
Eric: Okay, but they do have audio confessions, you know.
58:08
Matt: Circumstantial entrapment.
58:10
Matt: You only a No no you will said so online.
58:15
Matt: Hearsay.
58:16
Matt: You say then.