Latest / The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast / How to Really Get Your Wife’s Attention Back | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.105
Transcript
- 0:00I used to be the guy who made a big deal about everything.
- 0:03I let my emotions control my life.
- 0:05I was a nightmare to communicate with.
- 0:07I thought I was doing everything right.
- 0:10And in the end, when my life fell apart, I realized something
- 0:13critical. I wasn't acting like a man.
- 0:15Once I learned what it means to be a man and how to effectively
- 0:19communicate with women, my entire life changed.
- 0:22Now I'm in the marriage of my dreams with the woman of my
- 0:24dreams, living the life of my dreams.
- 0:27But what most men don't understand about that is that
- 0:30that had to start with me. Things weren't going to change
- 0:33until I changed. If it's your first time here, my
- 0:35name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author,
- 0:38entrepreneur, men's personal development and marriage mentor,
- 0:41husband and father of six. And I teach men all over the
- 0:44world how to live fully optimized, leveled up lives.
- 0:47So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around.
- 0:49Subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this channel,
- 0:52wherever you're getting this because this is what I do here
- 0:54every week. And today I'm going to be
- 0:56talking about one simple practice that has the power to
- 0:59transform form every aspect of your life and level up your
- 1:02marriage like you didn't even know was possible.
- 1:05Stick around. Hello and welcome to the Warrior
- 1:08Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs
- 1:10here to assist you on your journey to living a fully
- 1:13optimized, leveled up life as a man.
- 1:15So again, welcome and welcome back to the Warrior Kings.
- 1:18This is episode 3 in my new marriage series.
- 1:21So if you missed the 1st 2 episodes, lots of critical
- 1:25information in those. So definitely go back and listen
- 1:27to those after this one because this is just one Part 1 aspect
- 1:31of the whole that makes up how to have a happy, thriving
- 1:34marriage and how to be the best husband that you can be.
- 1:37And this is going to be a five part series.
- 1:39So over the next two weeks, we will be continuing on with this
- 1:42series. Yeah, 4th of July weekend.
- 1:45It's the 250th birthday of the nation.
- 1:48Totally crazy. Last night when I'm recording
- 1:51this last night was the 4th of July celebration.
- 1:53And it was just a big deal and a lot of positivity.
- 1:56It felt really good. So I hope you had a good time.
- 1:59I hope you are well, wherever you're getting this.
- 2:01Hopefully you're not too tired from the weekend.
- 2:03And if you're listening to this later on, it was the 4th of July
- 2:06when I recorded this. But with all that being said,
- 2:08let's dive right into the episode.
- 2:10And the first thing that I want to talk about is why men stop
- 2:14listening, which is also the topic of this episode, is the
- 2:17importance of listening and listening to your wife
- 2:19effectively. The thing about us as men is
- 2:22we're kind of wired to decide what information is practically
- 2:26useful and what information isn't.
- 2:28And that information that we deem as not practically useful,
- 2:31again, we kind of unconsciously train ourselves to decide what
- 2:35information is practically useful and what information
- 2:38isn't. And we find ourselves just not
- 2:41listening at all. And women process communication
- 2:44through feelings and through connection.
- 2:46Women want to be heard. They want to feel like they're
- 2:48being understood. They want to feel like they're
- 2:50being cared for by your attentiveness to them and what
- 2:53they're saying. So let's say, for example, your
- 2:56wife is yapping about the mundane everyday life.
- 2:59She might be talking talking about what Susie is going to
- 3:01wear to the baby shower, and she might be talking about the
- 3:04errands that she had to run earlier or just talking about
- 3:07the regular business of life and the regular business of the day.
- 3:10And so that might cue you that she's just yapping about
- 3:13mundane, regular, everyday things.
- 3:15And so you put your mind and your attention on something that
- 3:18you feel like is more important. And then you miss the part where
- 3:21she mentions the important appointment on Saturday.
- 3:24And then when Saturday comes, you might have been here before.
- 3:27It's a complete shocker that there's something really
- 3:29important to do that day. And she might tell you, I told
- 3:32you back on Tuesday, what do you mean?
- 3:33You had no idea that this thing was coming.
- 3:35This not listening kind of naturally happens over time.
- 3:39We all do it. You're definitely not alone in
- 3:41this. But it's a matter of training
- 3:43yourself to actually listen to everything your wife is saying.
- 3:46Because here's the thing, It might not seem like that big of
- 3:49a deal, but it builds resentment over time.
- 3:51If you're a married man, you probably are if you found this
- 3:54episode and you're listening to this, but I guarantee you, you
- 3:56have heard the phrase once or twice or many times.
- 3:59You ever listen to me? It might not seem like that big
- 4:02of a deal to kind of tune out sometimes the things that you
- 4:05think aren't that important. But it's building resentment
- 4:08over time and it's making her feel like she's not heard, that
- 4:11she's not understood, that you don't care about what she's
- 4:13saying. It might be if you have problems
- 4:15in your marriage that have gotten really bad, that she's
- 4:18just completely checked out and stopped talking to you about
- 4:21everyday life. She just says he doesn't listen
- 4:23to me anyways, so why even talk at all?
- 4:26Honestly, that might be how she feels and that's why she seems
- 4:29detached, disconnected and cold and distant and all those sorts
- 4:33of things. If overtime you have displayed
- 4:36to her without even meaning to that you don't care that she's
- 4:39talking, you don't care what she has to say, she just won't talk
- 4:42at all. She won't open up to you, she
- 4:44won't share things with you. And that is one of the costs of
- 4:47never listening to your wife. Wise men listen more than they
- 4:50speak. That's why they're wise.
- 4:53Every opportunity to listen is an opportunity to learn.
- 4:56And if you're not listening and if you're not learning, you will
- 4:58never be the wise man. And when it comes to not
- 5:01listening, tuning out, you know, I made that mistake so many
- 5:04times in the past in my relationships.
- 5:07So I knew when I first started dating my now wife, I wanted to
- 5:10make sure that I listen to everything she's saying.
- 5:13I wanted to train myself to truly listen and not allow
- 5:17myself to drift into old patterns, old mistakes.
- 5:20So I made a point that every time she was speaking, I was
- 5:22listening to her and I was listening attentively.
- 5:25You know what I mean? And we were hanging out one
- 5:27night and she was talking to me and she stopped in the middle of
- 5:29what she was saying and realized and said, wow, you really
- 5:33listened to me. I'm not used to that.
- 5:35She said you actually listened to me because I was actually
- 5:38making such a point to look her in the eyes when she was
- 5:41speaking, respond to what she was saying appropriately,
- 5:44letting her know that she was heard and understood by
- 5:47gesturing and nodding my head and things like that.
- 5:49You know, these little subtle cues to let a person know that
- 5:53you are listening, receiving what they're saying rather than
- 5:56checking out, thinking about something else, staring off into
- 5:58space. You know what I mean?
- 6:00I made a point to actually listen to her and then she
- 6:03actually pointed it out and she's like, I'm not used to guys
- 6:06listening to me like that And listen, that is how rare it is.
- 6:10If you can train yourself to do this and this doesn't just go
- 6:13for your marriage, it goes for all of the people in your life,
- 6:15all of your relationships, your friendships, your professional
- 6:18relationships. If you train yourself to truly
- 6:21listen as a man, you are a rarity because that is so rare.
- 6:25If I can be hanging out with a beautiful woman and she
- 6:27recognizes that I'm actually listening to her and points that
- 6:31out, that's how rare that is. Really quick.
- 6:33Let's go through four ways that actually listening benefits your
- 6:37marriage. And the first one is that it
- 6:39builds trust. And when she feels like you
- 6:41don't care about what she's saying, if she thinks that you
- 6:44never listen, she will pull away.
- 6:46She won't open up to you. So truly, truly listening to
- 6:49your wife allows her to trust you.
- 6:52She feels like she can share anything with you.
- 6:54You are the guy who is going to listen to everything that she's
- 6:57saying. And here's another thing, even
- 6:59if you don't get it or it's something that you don't care
- 7:02about, listen anyways. Allow her to feel like you care.
- 7:06Allow her to feel, you know, it's not all about you
- 7:09understanding it or getting it or caring about it or thinking
- 7:12that it's exciting or cool. There are many things that women
- 7:16talk about that we as men do not care about.
- 7:19It's just a fact. But if you listen anyways, that
- 7:22allows her to feel loved and understood and like you actually
- 7:25care about what she's saying. And that's the trust aspect of
- 7:28it. That's why she will open up and
- 7:30share more with you instead of thinking he doesn't listen to me
- 7:33anyway. So why even speak?
- 7:34And the second one is almost the same thing but it's sharing.
- 7:38The more that you listen to her, the more she will share with
- 7:40you. That's you truly getting to know
- 7:42her as a person. The couples who have the big
- 7:45blow up divorces are the couples who never truly knew each other
- 7:48in the 1st place and never took the time to learn and grow and
- 7:52understand each other. The more open she can be with
- 7:55you, the more she will share with you and the more you will
- 7:57get to know her. And if you committed to spending
- 8:00the rest of your life with this person, don't you want to truly
- 8:03know them? The comp complexities of their
- 8:05mind, every little thing, their history, the stories that they
- 8:08have to tell from their life. So one moment you could be truly
- 8:12attentively listening to some mundane, boring thing that you
- 8:16don't care about, allowing her to feel heard and like you care
- 8:19about what she's talking about. And then the next minute she
- 8:22could share something really important from her internal
- 8:25world that allows you to get to know her better and ultimately
- 8:29makes the bond and the connection stronger.
- 8:31Which brings me to the third thing, which is connection.
- 8:34Truly listening to her allows her to not feel like she's doing
- 8:37life alone. Loneliness in a marriage is one
- 8:40of the most destructive forces to a marriage.
- 8:43It will completely destroy a marriage.
- 8:45Ask yourself, does your wife feel like she's doing life alone
- 8:49because you never take the time to listen to her, to consider
- 8:52how she feels, to see the world through her eyes?
- 8:56Is it possible that sometimes she feels really deeply lonely
- 9:00because she has no one to talk to?
- 9:02And you might say something like, oh, she talks to her
- 9:04friends all the time. She talks to her mom and her
- 9:06sisters, and whatever it is, there's plenty of people who
- 9:09listen to her. What I'm saying is that you're
- 9:11supposed to be the one person that she can tell everything to.
- 9:15She can be completely honest with that she can completely
- 9:18open up to and share everything with.
- 9:20And everybody needs that person. So once you start effectively
- 9:24communicating, she will be that to you as well.
- 9:27You can share more with her. The connection has to be there.
- 9:30The open communication, the truly listening has to be there
- 9:34in order for the marriage to be successful, to be happy, to be
- 9:37thriving. One of the primary reasons
- 9:39people have affairs is the feeling of loneliness, the
- 9:42feeling that they're doing life alone.
- 9:44So when somebody comes along and starts truly listening to them,
- 9:48making them feel loved, making them feel heard and understood
- 9:51when at home, they feel like nobody cares about anything that
- 9:54they say, doesn't consider how they feel.
- 9:56That's why people have affairs, that's why they cheat, is
- 9:59because somebody is making them feel like their spouse
- 10:02ultimately should have been making them feel.
- 10:04And with that being said, I do not think that cheating or
- 10:07having an affair is OK in any way.
- 10:09I'm not like giving excuses for having affairs.
- 10:11I'm just saying if you want to prevent something like that
- 10:14happening, which does happen in reality, we live in the real
- 10:17world. You want to be the person that
- 10:19she can open up to, that she can feel loved by, that she can
- 10:22share everything with, so she doesn't have to sneak around and
- 10:26share everything with somebody else.
- 10:27Her feelings, her internal world.
- 10:30Oh, he understands me so much. I've never experienced that
- 10:34before. He actually makes me feel like
- 10:36he's listening to me. Do you want somebody else making
- 10:39your wife feel like that or are you going to make the effort to
- 10:41train yourself to actually listen so that never happens?
- 10:45You are the one who makes her feel loved.
- 10:47The fourth thing is getting the details right.
- 10:50You're not missing anything. You know when the appointments
- 10:53are. You know to pick up almond milk
- 10:55on the way home from work or whatever.
- 10:57You know the things that she loves and enjoys, so you know
- 11:00how to buy her gifts when holidays come.
- 11:02Truly listening allows you to get everything right.
- 11:05You understand what I'm saying and what one hack for this is.
- 11:07Use the Notes app in your phone. Every time that she mentions
- 11:10something. For example, every time she's
- 11:12shopping online or scrolling on social media or something and
- 11:15she mentions something that's like, it would be really cool to
- 11:18have that. That would be really useful to
- 11:20me. I wish we had this thing.
- 11:21Take a note of it. Then you know what to gift her
- 11:23when it's her birthday or your anniversary or a holiday comes
- 11:27up. You have an entire running list
- 11:28of things that you know that she wants because she told you about
- 11:32it. Most men don't even listen, so
- 11:33they don't even know what their wife likes when a holiday comes.
- 11:36They're like like, I have no idea how to shop for this person
- 11:38because basically honestly, I don't even know them.
- 11:41Keep another note in your phone or use the calendar app.
- 11:43When she says that something is happening or something is coming
- 11:46up, there's a family get together or an appointment or
- 11:49all these things, immediately put it on your calendar and then
- 11:52set a reminder like a day or two before.
- 11:55That way you always have the details right.
- 11:57You always know what's going on. And this once again, allows her
- 12:01to feel like you actually care. If every time there is a
- 12:04responsibility, you're completely oblivious to it, that
- 12:07plays into her feeling like you don't care.
- 12:10And again, so why even talk at all?
- 12:12That also plays into her feeling like she is doing life alone.
- 12:16She says I have to manage everything and I'm not even
- 12:19going to bother telling him because he doesn't listen
- 12:21anyway. So I'm just going to manage
- 12:23everything by myself. That's doing life alone.
- 12:25That's not being a husband and wife.
- 12:27That's not sharing life together.
- 12:29You understand what I'm saying. Truly, truly listen to
- 12:31everything your wife is saying. And when she says something
- 12:34important, if what it takes is writing it down, putting a note
- 12:37in your phone, putting it on your calendar in your phone with
- 12:40reminders, if that's what it takes, then do that.
- 12:42There is nothing wrong with that.
- 12:43In fact, I bet she would even appreciate it.
- 12:45She says, what are you doing? I'm putting a note on my
- 12:48calendar on my phone so that I don't let this slip that in no
- 12:51way communicates I don't care. So I have to write it down as
- 12:54saying I really care about this. So I want to make sure I get it
- 12:57right and it shows responsibility and I truly think
- 13:00she would appreciate it. And I want to pause here for a
- 13:02second because I know some of you guys are listening to this
- 13:05and you're thinking, OK, I get all of these concepts.
- 13:07You've been listening to this marriage series and you're like,
- 13:09I get the concepts, but I don't really know how to implement
- 13:12these things into my life. How do I actually train myself
- 13:16to be a better listener? How do I train myself to be a
- 13:18good husband? How do I retrain 10 years of bad
- 13:22habits? That's exactly what the Reforged
- 13:24Husband Complete system walks you through step by step in a
- 13:28way that you can actually implement and execute.
- 13:31Reforged Husband is an online program that I created that is
- 13:34the fast track to learning everything that I learned,
- 13:37everything that I know about marriage, relationships and
- 13:40communication with women. And you might be saying hope.
- 13:42Here it is. He's trying to sell me
- 13:44something. Well, fine.
- 13:45The last guy I talked to who went through the program said
- 13:48that his wife started noticing the changes that he was making
- 13:51after the the first lesson. So you either want the challenge
- 13:54or you don't. And the link for that is in the
- 13:56description of this podcast episode.
- 13:58That's the Reforged Husband Complete System by Michael Riggs
- 14:02that's going to put you through video lessons, reading portions,
- 14:05exercises, and weekly challenges that you can begin implementing
- 14:08to become the best husband that you can be right away.
- 14:11The next thing that I want to touch on today is conflict
- 14:14resolution and how men and women approach conflict from 2 totally
- 14:18different psychological positions.
- 14:20Men are usually logic driven. When something's broke, we want
- 14:24to fix it. We want to get to the source of
- 14:26the problem and fix it. We also want to win.
- 14:29When there is a conflict, we want to overcome it.
- 14:31We want to win that thing. We want to come out on top.
- 14:34It's our nature as men. But women are emotions driven.
- 14:37They just want to feel heard. They want to feel understood.
- 14:40Most importantly, they want to feel loved.
- 14:43And that might be really confusing sometimes.
- 14:45If you're someone whose wife gets really emotionally worked
- 14:48up, if she even sometimes raises her voice, that's her trying to
- 14:51get you to care. And that could be really
- 14:53confusing because you're like, how does she want to be loved
- 14:56when she's being so chaotic? How is that looking for love?
- 14:59But here's the thing that you need to realize that in conflict
- 15:02as a man, it's not about being right.
- 15:05The best thing you do when there's a disagreement or
- 15:07there's a conflict is just listen to her and allow her to
- 15:10feel loved, understood, seeing heard, like you actually care,
- 15:14even if you don't understand what she's upset about or what
- 15:17she's talking about. And when you truly listen to
- 15:19her, you might get to the source.
- 15:21You might realize the actual problem, the underlying thing,
- 15:24which is usually something that has nothing to do with what
- 15:26she's actually saying or talking about.
- 15:28That's another little trick. Something that you need to
- 15:31realize is that the thing that a woman is complaining about is
- 15:33rarely the thing that she's actually upset about.
- 15:36There's something under there. There's something hiding that if
- 15:39you truly listen and you're attentive to her and allow her
- 15:42to feel loved and understood, you will get to the source of
- 15:45that thing. But as men, we make the mistake
- 15:47of trying to go into fix it mode or going into one upping mode
- 15:50because we either want to fix the problem, fix her, or we want
- 15:54to win the argument. Those are those are the only two
- 15:57paths that men usually take. The third path, the alternate
- 16:00path, the one that actually works is just listening,
- 16:03allowing her to feel heard, loved and understood.
- 16:05And the worst thing that can happen in a conflict is what I
- 16:08call the one upping trap. So she says something that
- 16:11finally pushes your buttons, and then you say something back
- 16:15that's a little bit meaner, and then she says something just to
- 16:18get back at you. And you were wanting to win at
- 16:20this moment, so you say something back again and it just
- 16:23goes back and forth. That is what I called the one
- 16:25upping trap. Each person is trying to one up
- 16:27the other person until it just gets way out of hand.
- 16:30And you have said way more things than you ever should have
- 16:32that you're definitely going to regret later.
- 16:34Before that even happens, realize that whatever you're
- 16:36going to say is probably stupid and not even true and should
- 16:39just never even be said. So you might ask, how do I
- 16:42accomplish that? How do I stop an argument in its
- 16:44tracks before it even happens? What do I do when she says
- 16:47something that actually pushes my buttons?
- 16:49Well, for one thing, don't be a wuss.
- 16:51Be unmovable and be unshakable. Nothing can hurt your feelings
- 16:55or piss you off too much. Remind yourself that you love
- 16:58her, respect her, and want what's best for her so you're
- 17:00not going to lash out at her. And the most effective way to
- 17:03end a disagreement or a conflict is just to shut up and actually
- 17:06listen to what she's saying. Allow her to feel heard,
- 17:09understood, and loved. Then there's nothing for her to
- 17:12battle against because ultimately that is what she's
- 17:14battling for. If she is fighting you, If she's
- 17:17even escalating, which I'm not saying is OK, but it does
- 17:20happen, If she is escalating, that is her trying to get your
- 17:23attention on the the fact that she wants you to understand.
- 17:27She wants to feel loved and heard.
- 17:28That's what it really comes down to.
- 17:30It's not that she's trying to get you to understand whatever
- 17:32she's ranting and raving about, no matter how ridiculous it
- 17:35might seem, she's trying to feel that you actually care.
- 17:38So when you actually start listening and responding to her
- 17:42appropriately and saying I can see how you feel like that,
- 17:45things like that, that allow her to know that you actually care
- 17:48about what she's saying, that's when she feels safe.
- 17:50That's another thing, feeling safe.
- 17:52Women want to feel safe, so when you are actually listening and
- 17:55receiving what she's saying, there's nothing left for her to
- 17:58battle for. She has you, she has your
- 18:01attention, she knows that you love her.
- 18:03So remember this mantra. I love her, I respect her, I
- 18:06want what's best for her. Every time that something annoys
- 18:09you, pisses you off, pushes your buttons, stop right there and
- 18:12repeat to yourself in your head. I love her, I respect her, I
- 18:15want what's best for her. Remind yourself to listen more
- 18:18than you speak and then just do that.
- 18:20I'm telling you right now, dude, this has the power to transform
- 18:23everything in your marriage. Truly listening to your wife is
- 18:26going to level up your marriage. That might be like the number
- 18:29one thing that changes everything.
- 18:31When I teach this to guys and they actually start implementing
- 18:35it in their lives, just simply listening to their wives, it's
- 18:37like, wow, why didn't I do this before?
- 18:40This has completely changed everything.
- 18:41So please take this seriously. I might sound like I'm just
- 18:44going on and on about a really basic thing, but I can't stress
- 18:47the importance of this enough. Now, let's use an example.
- 18:50Say there's a couple, their names are Bob and Jen.
- 18:53Bob comes home late from work. He's a little bit later than
- 18:56usual. And this has happened a few
- 18:57times, which has been kind of perturbing his wife.
- 18:59And when he comes in, she's sitting at the table with the
- 19:02dinner that's been sitting there getting cold, and she's been
- 19:05building resentment. It's been spinning in her mind.
- 19:07And the first opening line, the first thing as she says to him,
- 19:10is a jab, just to get his attention, just to get at him,
- 19:13to poke at his buttons, you know what I mean?
- 19:15Now, Bob has two options here. Either he can lash back and say
- 19:19something stupid and fall into the one upping trap, which just
- 19:22escalates until one person is sleeping on the couch and one
- 19:25person sleeping in the bed, and then they both feel stupid in
- 19:28the morning. Or he could stop, go and sit
- 19:31down at the table with her, remind himself I love her, I
- 19:34respect her, I want what's best for her, say hey, I'm sorry I'm
- 19:37late, how are you? What's going on?
- 19:39And if she continues on expressing herself, Bob just
- 19:42listens. He just sits, he's calm, he's
- 19:45composed, and he listens. He didn't let that jab get to
- 19:48him. Even though it might have made
- 19:49him feel a little bit pissed off inside.
- 19:51Even though he felt like lashing back and starting an argument,
- 19:54he didn't. Those are the two options that
- 19:56Bob had. Either have a really crappy
- 19:58night and just keep these marriage problems going, or just
- 20:01sit down, listen, and resolve the issue before bedtime.
- 20:04Arguing in conflict is stupid and it can go on for hours and
- 20:08it it just gets Dumber and Dumber and never gets more
- 20:11constructive. Rarely ever does anybody come
- 20:14out of a heated argument better than they went into it.
- 20:17That's not effective communication.
- 20:19It's just stupid. So that's another thing.
- 20:22Just remind yourself that conflict is stupid.
- 20:24Say I'm not doing this anymore. Say I don't think we should be
- 20:27talking to each other like this anymore.
- 20:29Let's sit down like adult people and talk about it and let me
- 20:31just truly listen to how you feel.
- 20:34Because here's the thing, When Bob sits down at the table with
- 20:36Jen and just truly listens to her, likely she would open up
- 20:40and share more with him and feel loved.
- 20:42And then he would realize that it's not really about that he
- 20:46was coming home a little bit late for work.
- 20:48And it's actually much deeper than that.
- 20:49There was actually way more going on in her mind.
- 20:52And he gets to truly know her and understand her and they come
- 20:55to a real constructive conclusion together.
- 20:58Doesn't that sound way better? And another thing I wanted to
- 21:01touch on today is the difference between big picture issues and
- 21:05in the moment conflicts. Men often look at the big
- 21:08picture. We kind of keep a running tab of
- 21:10everything. There's this big picture that
- 21:12all comes together to be this one big thing.
- 21:14Women, however, when they're in conflict or when they're upset
- 21:17about something, they feel how they feel in that moment.
- 21:20There is no big picture other than the thing that's happening
- 21:23right now, like how she feels right now and how she feels can
- 21:26change at any moment. But sometimes there are big
- 21:29picture issues, and these are the ones that are critical for
- 21:32you to pay attention. They're the things that she
- 21:34mentions multiple times. She can recall exact dates like
- 21:38this happened last Tuesday or whatever.
- 21:40That's a good clue that it is a big picture issue, and the big
- 21:43picture issues are the ones that build resentment.
- 21:46So you can kind of figure out the difference, like is this
- 21:49something that she's upset about right now or is this a big
- 21:52picture issue that I really need to pay attention to and change
- 21:55before it's too late? You can tell the difference when
- 21:58she starts citing specific events or past dates when things
- 22:01happened. Big picture issues are the
- 22:03source of deep resentment. These are the things that when
- 22:06you realize what they are, they require your immediate
- 22:09attention. So if she mentions something,
- 22:11something upsets her all the time, she's mentioned it
- 22:13multiple times. Pay strict attention into that
- 22:16and do your best to change that thing because the point that I
- 22:19want to make here is that women often don't do that.
- 22:22There isn't like a big picture where they're keeping a tab, a
- 22:26running tab of every wrong that all comes together to be this
- 22:29one whole thing. Usually what they're upset about
- 22:32is how they feel right then. It's something that's very
- 22:34recent. But if there is something that
- 22:36is an ongoing thing, that's different, and that's why you
- 22:39should pay attention to that. That's something that is
- 22:41building true resentment over time and quietly eroding your
- 22:45marriage. Even if you think that it's not
- 22:47that serious, even if you think it's this dumb trivial thing,
- 22:50that's not that big of a deal. If she's mentioning it over and
- 22:53over and over again, it is a bigger deal than you even
- 22:55realize. So pay attention to that.
- 22:58So have control of yourself. Have control over your life.
- 23:01Be like a wise king, not a puppy dog.
- 23:04Puppy dogs react to everything. Squirrel, you know what I mean?
- 23:07Don't be like a puppy dog. Have control over yourself.
- 23:10Don't lash out. Don't lash back.
- 23:13Truly listen. Train yourself to truly listen.
- 23:15You remember back towards the beginning of the episode, I
- 23:18pointed out that if you can train yourself to truly listen,
- 23:21you're a rare man. That is rare for men.
- 23:24People will appreciate that. Your wife will appreciate that.
- 23:27Just like my wife said when I first started seeing her.
- 23:29They will feel like this guy truly listens to me.
- 23:32I'm not used to that. Why is kings listen more than
- 23:35they speak? Are you leading your life like a
- 23:37wise king or like a fool? Remember, wise men listen more
- 23:41than they speak. That's why they're wise.
- 23:43Every opportunity to listen is an opportunity to learn.
- 23:46And if you are not listening, ultimately you are not learning.
- 23:49And if you are not learning, you will never be the wise man.
- 23:52Now, if this opened your eyes at all and you want to go all the
- 23:55way, you, you're saying to yourself, I want to be the best
- 23:57possible husband that I can be. I want the full transformation.
- 24:00Don't forget to go check out the Reforged Husband Complete System
- 24:04and the description of this podcast episode.
- 24:06And on the next episode of this series, we're getting into the
- 24:09stuff most men forget, but their wives never stop thinking about.
- 24:14We're going to get into how you can actually reconnect with your
- 24:17wife, how to make her feel seen, beautiful and desired, and how
- 24:21to bring the intimacy back. But that's what I got for you
- 24:24guys today. I hope you got something out of
- 24:26this episode. I hope I was effective in
- 24:29teaching you this material today.
- 24:31I realized about halfway through that I was feeling a little bit
- 24:33off, you know, but I really hope you got something out of this.
- 24:36I I hope that this helped you and benefited you in your life
- 24:39and in your marriage to get you one step closer to being the
- 24:42best husband that you can be for your wife.
- 24:44Because listen man, your marriage deserves you being your
- 24:48best self. That's really what it comes down
- 24:50to. Like I said, when my life was a
- 24:52mess, when my life fell apart, when I had no idea what I was
- 24:55doing, I had two options. Either I could keep doing that
- 24:58or I could level up and I chose to level up.
- 25:01Now I'm living my dream life with my dream wife.
- 25:03We have 4 awesome kids together. Life just keeps getting better
- 25:06and better, but that had to start with me.
- 25:09I had to transform. I had to level up myself.
- 25:12I had to look within and say, hey dude, what is wrong here?
- 25:15What do we need to figure out? What do we need to fix?
- 25:18Because you can't fix your life by trying to fix everything
- 25:21that's external. You can only fix your life by
- 25:23fixing yourself. That's just a fact.
- 25:26But as always, thank you so much for watching and listening
- 25:29today. I love you, I'm proud of you.
- 25:31There is a great calling and a purpose for you in this life.
- 25:34You listening to this right now. A life of overflowing abundance
- 25:37awaits you on the other side of you deciding to make the switch,
- 25:40make the change a level up every aspect of your life.
- 25:43A life of overflowing abundance away to you.
- 25:46I love you. I'm proud of you.
- 25:47Get out there, kill it. Have a good week and I'll catch
- 25:49you on the next one. Thanks guys.
- 25:51Bye.