Latest / Breaking Down Addiction / #14 Michael Rositano: From OxyContin and Fentanyl to Recovery, Purpose, and Helping Others Heal

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#14 Michael Rositano: From OxyContin and Fentanyl to Recovery, Purpose, and Helping Others Heal · Breaking Down Addiction

0:00
SPEAKER_00: My addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut.
0:19
SPEAKER_02: Hey, hello, and welcome to a new episode of Breaking Down Addiction, a podcast brought to you by National Addiction Specialists.
0:28
SPEAKER_02: I will be your lovely and gracious host today, Johnny Phillip.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: And I'm joined with the very special and one of my buddies, Michael Rosettino.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thanks for Rosettano.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Rosatano.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Rossettano.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: You got it.
0:42
SPEAKER_02: That won't be the only mistake today.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: Right.
0:45
SPEAKER_02: It's all good.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, thank you for joining us today.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: You and I have become buddies over the last year.
0:52
SPEAKER_02: We do the same kind of work.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: Brothers in recovery.
0:56
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I always like to kick these off with the same question.
1:00
SPEAKER_02: And that is, if you were sitting across from yourself in active addiction, what would you say?
1:06
SPEAKER_00: Man, uh it's kind of a loaded question.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's so many things that I that I would say uh to myself in active addiction, but to me, I mean, honestly, from where I was at at the time, I would just say, man, just give it up, dude.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: Like this is this is ridiculous.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Like this, I think, and I actually did say that to myself in active addiction.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: Probably more than once.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: More than once, yeah.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: But just just give it up, man.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not working for you.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: This is not what um your higher powers put you on this earth to do.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: You know, you you were uh meant for so much more, and this is this just ain't it, you know.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: When you were in active addiction, did you feel as if you didn't deserve a good life?
1:51
SPEAKER_00: I you know, honestly, I never really felt like I didn't deserve a good life.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: I but I also didn't feel like I deserved in a way, I felt like I did and I didn't.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Because to me, that word deserve kind of gets thrown around too much.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: I just felt like that you could say the word destiny, maybe, or something like that.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: I felt like my addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut, you know.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: And I just I felt like I knew there was some type of greatness ahead of me, but it was just I couldn't get there because of my addiction.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Now, do I deserve a good life?
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Do I not?
2:47
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a lot of people out there who are going through things that are out of their their own circumstance.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: They can't help that, you know, people in third world countries and this and that.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: So it's like, I don't know, man.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: I felt like that I was supposed to um definitely live a different life, a better life.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: So I like that answer.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:11
SPEAKER_02: And yes, deserve or deserving is is a word that's thrown around a lot lately.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: So like thank you so much for knowing where you went with it.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: Um so I I know a little bit about your story just from us talking, from us meeting, having breakfast, being out in the field.
3:30
SPEAKER_02: And I remember we ran into each other at a conference in December, and you told me some key parts of your story that I didn't know before.
3:37
SPEAKER_02: So I think we're all in for a wild ride here.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: And you you've really come out on the other side and you're really inspiring.
3:45
SPEAKER_02: And I I've just love getting to know you.
3:49
SPEAKER_02: You're such a lovely dude.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, I appreciate that, man.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: So are you, likewise, likewise for sure.
3:54
SPEAKER_02: Um which I didn't know that your family had some ties to pro wrestling.
4:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:01
SPEAKER_02: So you kind of you grew up in this family with ties to pro wrestling.
4:06
SPEAKER_02: Did that help shape who you are, or did that help form rebellion at that point?
4:12
SPEAKER_00: I I think it no.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think it definitely helped shape who I am.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: Like definitely the good parts of me um and the sober parts of me.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, my my grandfather and father, um, now when they wrestled, they went by the name Rossi.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: So most of my friends actually call me Rossi.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: Most of the people that know me um, you know, call me Rossi.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: And and in a way, it's it's kind of an homage to my my father and grandfather.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: But my grandfather, Lynn Rossi, and you know, for the listeners out there, they could Google him.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: He's got his own Wikipedia page.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, he was a very famous pro wrestler in the 70s, 60s, and 70s here.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: Cool, cool era of wrestling.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: And in the southeast, back then, wrestling was more of a territorial thing.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like it is now, where it's like you got two or three different organizations that run the whole thing.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: Back then, the Southeast was where all the anybody who is anybody came through the Southeast, Memphis, uh, Nashville, Birmingham.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's where you came come to get your start.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Like Hulk Hogan came through Memphis.
5:27
SPEAKER_02: Uh so people are cutting their teeth in these markets.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Right.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: And that's that's where they made the most money.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: That was the most popular market.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Now you had different territories, but you know, Vince McMahon kind of ended those territory days.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: But my grandfather, he was a household name.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: He was on TV every week.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he owned a health food store right here in Brentwood for 40 years, um, sold vitamins and herbs, and I grew up in that.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: Um so he was was he, in all tents and purposes, he a healthy guy.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, he lived till he was like 93, and um and he was healthy up until the end physically, but he ended up getting dementia and come to find out he had cancer, and it kind of, you know, uh derailed quickly when he got sick.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, my grand my dad was a pro wrestler too.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: He wasn't as quote unquote famous as my grandfather because he he didn't like the business and where it was going.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: Uh it changed a lot in the 80s.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: It definitely changed a lot.
6:33
SPEAKER_00: And and my dad always felt like he had a greater purpose than not that that's not a great, you know, profession or whatever, but he just felt himself that he had a greater purpose.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: He ended up becoming an alderman in the town of Nolansville when they first became a city.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: He had aspirations to be a mayor.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he um unfortunately he got cancer and died when I was 20.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of part of my story.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of when addiction took over after that.
7:03
SPEAKER_02: So uh did you ever feel as if, you know, your grandfather pro wrestler, your father, did you feel like you or anybody else in your family was next to hold that torch?
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, or was there never it's it's kind of funny.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: There was never any pressure pressure, which that's what I loved about my my dad and grandfather.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: Like they almost didn't want us to get into the business because they knew how shady the business was and how shady it had become and how tough it is.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like becoming a pro wrestler and being making money at it is almost like becoming a musician.
7:39
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you're you know, it's like you you got one out of one in a million chance of becoming famous and known and you know you have to put in so many sacrifices.
7:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and wrestlers are on the road a lot, just like musicians.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, all the time and thousands of miles on it, especially in the indie circuits.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're not um getting flown all over the country, you're not riding in buses, you're driving your own car, and you're you know, and you're you're having to put you know oil all over your body every day and do all this crazy stuff that pro wrestling entails.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Like to me, that wasn't appealing to me or my brother.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: But what's funny about it is my sister got into it some.
8:20
SPEAKER_04: That's why.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: And uh she did a few matches and promoted a few shows, and um, and people know the Rossi name in the wrestling circuit.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Um and but it was uh yeah, no, they never pressured us, which I loved, you know.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: They never uh, you know, if there's two men in this world that I could say um to me that are the best men I've ever known, it's it's my grandfather and and dad, hands down.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: So um it just it sucks that it's wonderful, by the way.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: It is, yeah.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: It just sucks that you know my dad had to leave this earth so quickly, but that's just what happened, you know.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: How old was he?
9:01
SPEAKER_00: He was fifty.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh god.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: And I was twenty I was around twenty.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: That's that's really young.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
9:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I'll be 47 in a few months, and I couldn't think of in three years it being the end for me.
9:14
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
9:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
9:16
SPEAKER_02: Which brings me my my next point, which your your father passed away.
9:22
SPEAKER_02: Um I imagine this kind of started off some usage or maybe helped project it into a new dimension, and especially you found some perk set as this tell us about all that, yeah.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: And this is kind of where it starts, right?
9:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, like in high school, I used in high school, I I wouldn't call it the word used.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I got high and drank and partied, partied, and it, but it was never like I did smoke a lot of pot.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know, but it was never like I could take it or leave it.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
9:56
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't to the point where it was like this raging addiction where it controlled my whole life, and you know, um, but yeah, when my dad passed, I remember um we were cleaning out some of his stuff in the house.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: And somehow I'd got tasked with cleaning out the medicine cabinet.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I was just there and I just started cleaning it out.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: Um and you and that medicine cabinet were together at last.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh, right.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was like destiny or something.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: But I uh I opened the cabinet and there's two big giant bottles, Per Cassette tens, and there's 200 in each bottle.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: And my dad, he my dad was like 300 pounds.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: He used to bench like 600 when he was in his prime, and he had like inch-long hair.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: I I always call him like the missing link.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was like a big, like you you wouldn't want to mess with this guy at any point, even when he was older.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: And but he was the nicest guy, but um he never took any pain pills while he had cancer.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're talking stage four cancer where the guy's getting chemo every day and like in real pain, like justifiably should be taking Percocassets, let alone like oxyades or something.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: And um but but I get them out of the cabinet, and you know, I'd heard of pain pills before, and I think I'd I'd taken some pain pills, like when I'd got a tooth pulled and things like that.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: So I get them out of the cabinet and I take one, and like 15 minutes later, I'm like, ooh, like, yeah, like I like this feeling, you know.
11:39
SPEAKER_02: Like I have 400 more of these.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: I have 400 of these.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: And and it just like it numbed everything for me.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, I I I don't think I cried about my father's death.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: Um I might have cried at the funeral, but even after that, for I don't know, man, six months to a year or something, because I I I had those pills for a while.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: They lasted me a while, maybe six months or so, but it was just a gradual, you know, okay using more and more and more and more warming up.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, I I run out and I'm like, oh shit, what do I do now?
12:19
SPEAKER_00: Right.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: Like, and did you like this more than smoking weed at that point then?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and for whatever reason, like nothing else ever hooked me.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Alcohol, take it or leave it, coke, take it or leave it.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Anything, Xanax, take it or leave it.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: I didn't like Xanax, I was more of a upper guy, but yeah, even like any other drug, it never got me like that.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Where I was like, oh, you know, love at first sight, oh, I gotta take this every day.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: It was nothing, nothing, anything like that.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: For whatever reason, opiates does that to me.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know why.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't tell you why.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: You know?
13:04
SPEAKER_02: Alcohol was my thing.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: Right.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: Like Yeah, I'm everything I could take or leave.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: If you gave me a bottle of vodka, it was go time.
13:13
SPEAKER_02: Right.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: Um you uh well before I get into my next question.
13:18
SPEAKER_02: So you're taking Percocets at this point.
13:21
SPEAKER_02: What do you do after you run out of those?
13:24
SPEAKER_02: Because I think that's probably important.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, I'm trying to recall back to that time.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I think I made it a little while without like taking anything.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: I remember um kind of going through a period of like of the withdrawals, and because I had never felt them before.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, hmm, like this is weird, right?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: And I kind of got I I didn't take them for a while, and then somehow I came back up on them again where I started taking them.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: So there was actually there was actually a span of like a few years where I didn't use much of anything other than your typical smoking or something like that.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, but then I got into this sound audio engineering school called SAE um in in Nashville.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: It's one of the more prominent it's a really good school for that.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: Right.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: One of the more prominent audio engineering schools um in the country, I would say that and kind of like full cell that type of school.
14:32
unknown: Yeah.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: And um I did that and I did pretty well there.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Graduated, I got my technical certificate.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: And this, so I'm I'm probably about 25, 24, 25 at this point.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: And I went overseas to to hang out with my brother in Barcelona.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: I went there for like I don't know, a few months.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Um came back.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, then I went, he had moved to South Korea right after that.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: And I went to South Korea, stayed with him for a month, and I came back and I started working an internship, and it just, I don't know, it's it was just really uh boring.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: And this there was a band, a local band that was pretty popular.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I won't mention their name because I don't, you know, there was some stuff that happened there, and I don't want to bring them up in the public, but they were a really popular like jam funk band in the area, and they needed a sound guy because they recorded every show.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: And like people in the jam band does.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Right.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: And so I would set up all this.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: So I moved in with this guy, and then I got introduced to cocaine when I was there, and then there was like one of the band members or somebody had you know sold pills and I started doing pills again.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: I always hated cocaine, but I ended up getting on this like six-month cocaine run or like a year-long cocaine run.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: And I hated this stuff, like it made me paranoid.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking out the blind, you know.
16:06
SPEAKER_02: Um probably not sleeping well.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: No, no, definitely not, you know.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I went on the road with them for like a year and a half doing sound, went all over East Coast, South, you know, um, did all these shows with them, and but it was just constant using.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: After that ended, is when my addiction really just took off.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was just at that point, I was a full-blown addict, you know.
16:37
SPEAKER_02: Were you getting your hands on more than Percocets?
16:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was at at that point.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: I I I discovered back then they had the um the opanas.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: The opanas are really big.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm sorry.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: It was oxies at first.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: The oxyades had come out.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, the famous, infamous oxy8s.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: That's when those came out.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: I graduated to a pana's after that kind of fizzled out.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: But the oxyades, I started doing those, and you know, you hear all the stories about oxyties, right?
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Like they've come out with documentaries, they've come out with shows, actual TV shows about who is the famous family that, you know, uh was it the Sacklers?
17:22
SPEAKER_00: The Sacklers, yeah.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: And then they end up pretty much deeming them like you know, they were terrible, and they, you know, made a new formula for them where you couldn't snort them anymore and all that stuff.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: Um but that's really what got me hooked to the extreme, you know.
17:39
SPEAKER_02: So you're you're you're doing the 80s and then you go to O'Panna's and at some point here your your addiction gets really, really bad.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
17:49
SPEAKER_02: You have multiple treatment stays, yeah, right?
17:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then you stay for six months at place of hope.
17:56
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: So you get six months clean at this point.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I end up going to place of hope and and shout out to them.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: They're awesome.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:07
SPEAKER_02: If you've ever met those guys down there, but I have, and and just to go from you know, your your usage going through the roof, yeah, multiple treatment stays, and then getting six months at place.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's oh it was it was huge.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: And this I would say this was like 2000, I I think it was 2010 that I hit my first treatment.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, stayed with them um but uh totally free, right?
18:34
SPEAKER_00: They're a free grant funded free place.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: Um that's awesome.
18:38
SPEAKER_02: It's so needed.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, especially after that two billion of funding for mental health services and SUD for the Samsung grants.
18:44
SPEAKER_02: I know, and then it being reversed.
18:46
SPEAKER_02: So Yeah.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: Um, there's a lot going on these days.
18:50
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: But keep going.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: And I could go on about that.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: That makes me absolutely sick.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: But that's a whole nother podcast, right?
18:58
SPEAKER_00: But exactly.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: Um no, I mean they they have a halfway house built into their program, and they just gave me an opportunity to finally like see what recovery's like.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, for whatever reason, I just hadn't had enough.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: I hadn't had enough pain yet.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: Like I I ended up meeting um a girl that was part of like their worship team there.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't an addict.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: And you know, six months sober.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: Um first girl that gave me any attention, I fell in love with, right?
19:34
SPEAKER_00: First pretty girl that came up to me, I fell immediately in love with.
19:38
SPEAKER_02: Um we're all imperfect people, right?
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it it's like I I've always been one of those people.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm like a lover, not a fighter, like uh, you know, I could fall in love with a you know paperbag, or you know what I mean?
19:52
SPEAKER_02: It's just I'm one of those people, but I could tell that about yeah, you got a big heart.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: And but, you know, I mean, we decided to get married.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: She was like, I think at the time I was like, I don't know, let's see, 2010.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: I was like 26, 27, um, something like that.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, but she was a lot younger than me.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: She was like five years, six years younger than me.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: And we get married like really quick.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like six months into being together, and it was just stupid.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Like it was, it was we shouldn't have done that.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, we we both knew.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: And then I think about a year and a half into our marriage, I started using again, um, maybe a year in.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: I can't really remember too, too well, but maybe a year, year and a half in.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: And she finds out, and I ended up we were staying with her father in Columbia, Tennessee.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: And up to this point, I hadn't really gotten to the point of where I was like committing crimes and stealing and doing stuff like that for to get stuff until up until this point.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Well, her dad was a truck driver, he owned a bunch of trucks, semi-trucks, he made a lot of money.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: And he was, we were staying in in their house, and he was never, he wasn't home much.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'd come across driver life, yeah.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: Right, gone all the time.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: I come across his uh checkbook, an empty checkbook.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh boy, you know, and I'm thinking, hmm, you know, the addict brain, I'm needing something, and I'm like, I'll just write myself a check.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Why not?
21:36
SPEAKER_00: You know.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: So I I I write a small amount, I take it to the bank, they cash it, it works.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: So then I start doing it again.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: I do it five or six times.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Well, he ends up finding out and he's pissed, right?
21:51
SPEAKER_02: Like rightfully so.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: And this guy was already a hard ass to begin with.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: He liked me.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: And I connected with him where others couldn't.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: You guys had a special bond.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: We had a bond.
22:07
SPEAKER_02: But you broke the bond.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: Even his daughter didn't connect with him like me and him did.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and I broke the bond.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: And I and you know, I felt so guilty about it.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Like he caught me, and I just felt so bad about it.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: And and he wasn't even that mad.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: He was just really upset, you know.
22:26
SPEAKER_02: That you broke his trust.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: That I broke his trust.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: So I told my my now ex-wife, but I told her, I'll go back to treatment, right?
22:35
SPEAKER_00: It was that desperate attempt to save my marriage.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll go back to treatment.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Don't leave me, don't leave me.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: So I go back to place of hope, and they let me back in.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: And I just wasn't, I I wasn't in hindsight, I was only doing it to save my marriage.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't doing it for you, for me.
22:55
unknown: Yeah.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: And and I remember this is this is the and and I haven't really told I haven't thought about this in a while.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you brought it up somehow.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: But when I was in there the second time, and they probably don't even know this, but it's whatever.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: But while I was in there the second time, and this is the addict brain, right?
23:19
SPEAKER_00: This is the manipulation that takes over.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: I would, I I remember I faked having kidney stones while I was in treatment there.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: And I'd already been through like the first month of the program, so I'd kind of stepped back down and it was like not halfway, but a little bit like not as loose as halfway.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: It was kind of like a transition between treatment and halfway that they were doing.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: And I remember telling them, Oh, I think I have kidney stones.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: So they took me to the Murray County, uh the clinic near the hospital.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: And I tell the Murray County people that I have kidney stones.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: And I don't, I don't know why they just believed me.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: Like they didn't do any test.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and they gave me and they gave me Per Cassette fives.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: And I remember getting them.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: I I they because the center dropped me off.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: They're like, call us when you're ready.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: So I walk over to Walgreens, get the prescription, I'll take them back in the center with me.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: Here I am getting high in the center, you know, and I left.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: I ended up leaving.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: And they never even knew.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I've told them to this day.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, but and it's fine if they don't now.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: And actually, I work with them.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: Like they're one of um our my biggest partners, and and I love those people over there.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: I mean, they're they're like a family to me, even now, you know, brother Mike and all those people there.
24:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure people in their sick addict brain have pulled things before.
24:58
SPEAKER_02: Of course, yeah.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: And they they wouldn't hold any of that against me.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: I I know they wouldn't, but it's just you it you think back on stuff like that, and it's it, you know, I'm like, like, fuck, man.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: Like this is uh what crazy behavior, you know.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: And so I get out, but the back up a little bit before I get out, my ex-wife.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: I remember she had to take me to the dentist or something, and I remember her taking me.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: This was I was in that little transition period, so they let her come get me, and I was so excited to see her because I hadn't seen her in like a couple months.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: So we go to the dentist, and on the way back, she's not talking at all.
25:42
SPEAKER_00: And I just had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong, and I said, It's over, isn't it?
25:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, and she's like, Yeah, and talking about our marriage, you know, our relationship.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: You you knew it, you know.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: I knew it, I knew it.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you know, I mean, all right, like, you know, because she wanted to go back to college and all this stuff, or she wanted she'd never been to college, she wanted to go to college, she was younger, and I was just like, you know, go do your thing, right?
26:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, and and I was sad, you know, and I was heartbroken, but you know, wasn't gonna hold anybody back, and I and I was well aware of what I was doing.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was actively using at the time.
26:26
SPEAKER_02: Does she know now that you're on the other side?
26:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we don't talk or anything, but she we're friends on Facebook.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: She knows she knows.
26:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure from afar, she's like, fuck yeah, I might be able to do it.
26:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm sure, yeah.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: And she's she's an awesome person, like nothing against her or anything, you know.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I mean, she she's she knows.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: Um but yeah, I mean it it it's just you know, the uh the damages of addiction, uh the path, the the war path that we lead, you know, during addiction.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: Um and this path that you're on, fentanyl gets introduced at some point.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: So you know, fast forward, um and I just want to say this leads to criminal charges, yes, possible eight years.
27:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Um anything else you want to add to that that means too, and how how you got into fentanyl and what that looks like.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Right.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: So you know, fast forward eight years, a few years, I don't know, four or five years, and I'm um I I I would have moments of like a few months clean, then I'd get back in, you know.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: But um I I got sober again.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Um where did I get sober again at?
27:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, yeah.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: So I I start using this was right before fentanyl, but this is an important part of the story.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: So I ended up getting in trouble for um this is when I got into the opana phase.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: And they had these opanas out at the time, they called them moons, and they had a half moon on them.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: They don't sell them anymore because they were just basically they were it was just dope, is what it was.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: Like they, you know, um, but they had a half moon on them.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: You could crush them up and snort them.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: They were terrible, like they should have never been released into the world.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, same thing as Oxy80, you know, they were like the new Oxy80.
28:30
unknown: Okay.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: So I start doing those, and I have this insatiable habit.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're like a two, three hundred dollar a day habit, right?
28:38
SPEAKER_00: And I was laying hard right I was laying hardwood floors because I did that for like 10 years.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: And I'm spending every penny I own on that, and some, you know, so I'm having to find other ways to be able to get these pills, right?
28:56
SPEAKER_00: So I'm working on these houses all over Brentwood, all over this area, some million-dollar houses, stuff like that, doing hardwood.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the time, and when you're I would do sand and finish hardwood, so we're bringing in these big bags, there's dust, you know.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: People usually leave for three or four days when you're sanding a floor just because the dust gets everywhere.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: It's loud as shit.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're running these big machines, and every I probably worked on 50 to 100 houses at this time.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: Every house, every single fucking house that I worked on, I stole from.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Every one of them.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And I would put on some rubber gloves, I would wait for like one of my crew members to be in another room, or I would wait till they leave because I was like, I'd got to where I was like kind of like the lead man.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: So I would say, hey, I'm gonna stay and finish up.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: And I would go fumbling through these people's belongings.
30:01
SPEAKER_00: Money, jewelry, money, jewelry, coins, whatever was value.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: I remember this poor guy, this poor bastard that lived in uh Belmade or something.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: And I went through his cabinet.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: He had this cabinet like this over here.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: And he had all this silver, like gauntlets and plates.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: I mean, from one side to the other.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: And I end up taking like a whole section of a shelf of this stuff, and I drive it all the way to Franklin, Kentucky because I'm afraid I'm like, I don't want to sell it at a pawn shop here.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: So I go all the way to Franklin, Kentucky to sell this stuff at a pawn shop.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just shit like that that I go.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it makes me it's like, oh, you know, yeah.
30:46
SPEAKER_02: You were being you, you Michael, were being driven by this addiction.
30:51
SPEAKER_02: It's insane.
30:54
SPEAKER_02: You're zombified from this the from the pills and then from wanting to get more pills.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: And then fentanyl comes into play here.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: Right.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: Fentanyl, and yeah, which is the strongest thing out there, right?
31:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, and for for the listeners out there, I believe fentanyl is what is it, like a hundred times stronger than heroin?
31:16
SPEAKER_02: Something like that.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Um, it's crazy.
31:19
SPEAKER_02: That's what we're dealing with nowadays.
31:21
SPEAKER_02: And this, how does it turn into eight years?
31:23
SPEAKER_02: Do you get busted?
31:24
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up getting um, so I ended up not getting busted for any of the houses.
31:32
SPEAKER_02: Amazingly.
31:33
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there was there was a couple times the owners brought up things, but I would be like, oh, well, there's a there was a crew, there was some crew painting there, you know.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: They could never really prove anything, you know.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I was living with this woman um that my mom knew.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: I was living with this woman behind her.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: I was like renting this like room or whatever.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, it was like a standalone garage or whatever, carport garage.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up finding her checkbook.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: So I'm writing checks out of her checkbook, right?
32:12
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I end up, I mean, it's like, you know, I don't know,$10,000 worth of checks.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: So she finds out, and my mom was actually doing her accounting because she had just had a stroke and she couldn't do like she needed help doing stuff.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: She's like a friend of the family growing up.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: And she, you know, she was like, I'm not gonna press charges if you go to treatment.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: So, but the state ended up picking it up, anyways.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this comes into play.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: So I had seven forgeries, which are two felonies per check, because it's theft over 500 is a felony, they were all over 500, and the forgery is a felony, so 14 felonies right there, right off the rip.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: So my aunt had um, my aunt was like, Hey, you need to go to this place in Alabama.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Alabama, and she's like, Yeah, it's called Teen Challenge.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: And it's you know, we just make a donation, it's a year-long place, you know.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: My my friend, you know, uh Bobby Sue, her cousin's uncle went there, and you know, he's he's been good.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's been, you know, following Christ for seven years now, and you know, um, you could go there and like be a preacher and all like what?
33:40
SPEAKER_00: So, but at the time, it's like this is my this is kind of my option, right?
33:46
SPEAKER_00: And for whatever reason, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go, screw it, right?
33:52
SPEAKER_00: And I show up to this place, you know, and it's in Lincoln, Alabama.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: I mean, this place is in the middle of BFE, right?
34:03
SPEAKER_00: For lack of a better term.
34:05
SPEAKER_00: And it's this old dilapidated middle school that they've, you know, it's all privately funded and you know, donations, and they get food donated from Walmart and all this stuff.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: And it's right next to the Talladega super speedway.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you can hear the cars going along the thing when you know, when they're going.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, and I I don't want to badmouth any sinners or anything like that, but teen challenge was is was one of the most unique and insane experiences I've ever experienced in my life.
34:44
SPEAKER_02: And how how long were you at teen challenge for?
34:46
SPEAKER_00: Eight months.
34:48
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so you're in there eight months.
34:49
SPEAKER_02: What do they have you do?
34:50
SPEAKER_00: And I have a warrant for my arrest at this time.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: And the but the cops can't come get you in there.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: They could, but they knew I was like, hey, you know, I'm gonna turn myself in.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm I'm going to, but I need to do this.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: They're like, you can come get me if I want.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: Here's my, but they never came and got me.
35:08
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: But I'm which surprising they didn't because it was only like a three-hour drive.
35:12
SPEAKER_02: Right.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: Because they've come and got me for less.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: 14 federal charges here.
35:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a lot.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm in this place, like they had us weed eating at Talladega Super Speedway, like five days a week, eight hours a day in the hot ass Alabama sun.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: We're getting stung by hornets, like it's insane, dude.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: And this property is 7,000 acres, right?
35:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, dude, they would have us clean up after the races, and half the treatment center would relapse because they're fine and beers and drugs.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dude, it's crazy.
35:48
SPEAKER_00: And um in the place, like they had a t-shirt printing thing in their in their facility, like in the rec center.
35:56
SPEAKER_02: 14 challenge.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: 14 challenge.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: And they were the old manual wheels, so it wasn't like digital printing or uh, yeah, yeah.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: So you got all these poor bastards in there.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and they're pulling, they're working, some of them are working 24 hours, like they're pulling doubles and stuff, they're working through the night, too.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: And they're in there, no AC, just you know, printing these t-shirts, just sweating their ass off.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, this place was like a Bible boot camp, dude.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: No joke.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: And you're doing all this work pro bono.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: All of it, yeah.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was 700 bucks to get in, but then you earn your keep, right?
36:31
SPEAKER_00: You gotta you gotta learn, you gotta recite um like five Bible verses a week.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: You have to learn, it's all the stuff.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: You can't um hum secular music.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, you uh you can't uh wear all these weird rules, like you have to wear socks if you're wearing flip-flops, and like just weird stuff.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh they make you shave every day.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, this is a legit like Jesus had a beard, supposedly.
37:00
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, yeah.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: So I end up kind of getting into this mode of where I met some really good people there.
37:11
SPEAKER_00: There was a couple life coaches, they called them life coaches here.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: So some goods coming out of this, some goods coming out of it.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and one of the life coaches there, his name's Joe Smith, and and God bless him.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: If he sees this, I I love that man.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: He's amazing.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: But one day I'm in the I'm in the little uh worship chapel, and I'm in there dinking around on the piano.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to play piano, but I'm in there dinking around, and I was kind of I'd kind of written this song and I was singing it really.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: I was really getting into it.
37:45
SPEAKER_00: I didn't think anybody was in there.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: And I hear this, and you know, the lights are low, and he's standing in the back corner, and I'm like, holy shit, what are you doing?
37:56
SPEAKER_00: And what are you doing in here?
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Embarrassed.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: I was embarrassed listening, and he's like, Oh my god.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Michael Rossettano, you have a gift, and you're going on the road with me.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: And so Joseph Smith was in a famous gospel band for years called the Booth Brothers.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: They traveled all over the world.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: I mean, they were huge.
38:18
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, never heard of them.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: They were on one of the circuits.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: What is the famous gospel singer?
38:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I can't, you would probably know if you if I said this guy, this other guy's name, but um, they were huge.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, I like he played in Carnegie Hall and all over the world.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: And he had come to Team Challenge like seven years prior than shackled.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: He had got addicted, got kicked out of the band, and he ended up coming there, made a life for himself, ended up becoming a life coach working there.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: So we end up going to these churches every weekend all across Alabama, Mississippi.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: And that was kind of like my perk.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, like I would go and I would stand up in these churches and I would give my testimony and I would talk about how Jesus Christ has saved my soul and how I've been redeemed, and I'm not an addict anymore.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: I am a creation in Christ and all this stuff.
39:11
SPEAKER_00: And and in a way, I loved it because it stroked my ego.
39:16
SPEAKER_02: Right.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Right.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, like, and also I am a musician, so I got that kind of, you know, it's like you the other people come up to you and oh man, you sound so good.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: I love that song, and blah, blah, blah.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just like so.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: You're getting to play as well as I'm getting to play and play my own songs and play.
39:33
SPEAKER_00: So it was like it was kind of like a perk of being there, and I ended up really liking it there because of that.
39:42
SPEAKER_02: And that's a great perk.
39:44
SPEAKER_02: It is worth the$700 right there.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: Right.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: And I meet some great people.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, Chris Emery, one of my friends of this day, and um, great people there.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, the program, you know, is what it is, but I get it.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: And it were, it's for some people.
40:01
SPEAKER_00: It's for, you know, like every every there's places for everybody out there.
40:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure they help a lot of people, right?
40:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:07
SPEAKER_02: And you you do you get in a drug court routine challenge?
40:11
SPEAKER_00: Right.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: So I I had this case looming over me, but I also I already had I had something that I was already charged for prior, something smaller, like a misdemeanor that I had to be in court for like eight months after I had gotten a teen challenge.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I told the cops is I will be in court this date.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: So if you guys want to come get me, you can before that, or I'll be in court right there for you on a silver platter.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: So Joe, my life coach, drives me up to Alabama and he's telling me the whole way, God's got you, brother.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: You know, we're gonna walk out of that courtroom and, you know, they're gonna let you come back here and you know, everything exonerated.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm like, Joe, you don't understand, man.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: I love you, brother, but you don't understand.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have a 14 uh felony warrant out for me.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: This is just for something else.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: I had not even turned myself in for the warrant yet.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like they are not letting me out of that courtroom.
41:22
SPEAKER_00: Soon as I get in the courtroom, I sat down.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: Two sheriff come up.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: Are you Michael Rossano yep?
41:27
SPEAKER_00: Please come with us.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like I didn't even get my name called on the docket yet, you know?
41:32
SPEAKER_00: And Joe's like, I'm like, I told you, dude.
41:36
SPEAKER_00: So this this is part like where it starts getting this this is when the shit starts getting crazy, really crazy.
41:46
SPEAKER_00: So I go to jail and where where was that court at?
41:53
SPEAKER_00: Where did I Williamson County?
41:56
SPEAKER_00: Was it Williamson County?
41:58
SPEAKER_00: No, Murray County is where I first started.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: Murray County.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm in Murray County, and that place, that jail is awful.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: I gotta hope they've improved that jail, but that jail was an absolute shithole.
42:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I go in there, I'm in there for like a week, and I bond out, and I knew I had the charge, I had the charge in Williamson.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: I had that pending.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: That was the felony.
42:27
SPEAKER_00: I had that pending.
42:30
SPEAKER_00: And I knew that I was gonna have to go to Williamson after I bond out of Murray.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: But if I would have got stuck in Murray, I would have had to stay there forever and blah, blah, blah.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: My fastest path to getting out of jail was through Williamson County.
42:46
SPEAKER_02: And bonding yourself out.
42:47
unknown: Yeah, yeah.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: Bond out of uh my mom, um, God bless her, bonds me out of Murray County.
42:54
SPEAKER_00: I go up to the desk, and when you I don't know if you've ever been in jail before, but I have.
43:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, before you get out, they run your name through a system to make sure you don't have any holds anywhere, any warrants pending.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: This is not a search NCIC or something.
43:12
SPEAKER_02: This is not a good search right now.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: And I'm standing up there and I'm thinking, okay, well, I'm just gonna go to Williamson County.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: I can bond out of Williamson County, maybe go back to Teen Challenge while I'm fighting this felony case.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, You have a hold in Monroe County, Tennessee.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: And my exact words to the guy was, where in the fuck is Monroe County?
43:36
SPEAKER_02: Like, what the fuck is that?
43:38
SPEAKER_02: I don't know where that is either.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, It's um uh it's up in the mountains in East Tennessee.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking, what in the hell did I do in Monroe County and when?
43:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: Like I've never committed a crime in East Tennessee.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
43:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, so like, well, if they don't come get you within 72 hours, you and it was like a petty thing.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was like a theft under$50 or something.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to rack my brain.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: Like, what happened in this town in East Tennessee up in the mountains?
44:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm racking my brain.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, what happened?
44:16
SPEAKER_00: So I go back to my cell, and I remember there was this guy that I was at Place of Hope with one time.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: We had become buddies.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: He was a drummer.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: And I went and saw him one time.
44:32
SPEAKER_00: And we were both using again at the time.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: He we we both didn't tell each other we were using.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: It was one of those things where we acted like we were still both clean, but we were both still using.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: And I went and saw his band play.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: Well, one time he had a we went to a a pawn shop and he had got me to pawn something for him because he didn't have his ID.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: It was a ring.
44:56
SPEAKER_00: And I remember thinking at the time, oh my God, like this doesn't seem right.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, but he was just saying he I believed him, right?
45:04
SPEAKER_00: So I went in there, used my ID.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: We'll come to find out it was like his ex's ring, and he had stolen it.
45:10
SPEAKER_00: So that's what it was.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: And the one time that I actually didn't steal something, you know, um This is a long string of bad luck here.
45:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh, dude.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: So also bad decisions.
45:21
SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking, okay, this place is like four and a half hours away.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: They are not gonna come get me on some petty theft, you know.
45:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll wait 72 hours here and then they'll transfer me to Williams County.
45:33
SPEAKER_00: Nope.
45:35
SPEAKER_00: These cops drive their happy asses all the way from four and a half hours away from Monroe County and come pick me up.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: For this small charge, small, tiny charge.
45:48
SPEAKER_00: I go all the way to this town, and these guys are, I mean, they're country as could be, you know.
45:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm like, y'all really, y'all got nothing better to do?
46:01
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, and he's like, you, you know, you commit the crime, you do the time, you know.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like some, it's like some uh Andy Griffith type stuff, you know?
46:12
SPEAKER_00: And they take me up there, and I'm telling you, man, and I'm not shitting you.
46:18
SPEAKER_00: This jail, I thought Murray was bad.
46:20
SPEAKER_00: This jail was underground.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: The jail was underneath in the ground, and you walk down in there, and it's like perfect, it's like a perfect square, the hallways, and they're so small you have to go sideways when somebody else is coming through there, and it's just these cinder blocks, and it's damp, and there's these lights flickering.
46:48
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like a fucking movie.
46:50
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
46:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:51
SPEAKER_02: It's not terrible.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: And where they take me down in this dungeon, it's like Zelda.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: You're going down and down.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: And they open the door to this pod, and there's a long fluorescent light that's like, you know, half of it's burnt out, it's flickering.
47:10
SPEAKER_00: There's this, there's this uh air conditioned duck that's half the size of this room blowing like hurricane force blizzard winds out of it.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: And there's all these guys walking around like zombies in their sheets all wrapped around their head, walking around like this.
47:31
SPEAKER_00: And there's a top level and a bottom level.
47:35
SPEAKER_00: And the bottom level, they had bunks.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: And the bottom level, the top bunk, you couldn't even lift all the way up, and you'd hit your head on.
47:44
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was the most insane shit I'd ever seen in my life.
47:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I thought I was in, I really I thought I was in a like a bad dream.
47:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: And they're using dope in there, they're passing needles through the door.
47:55
SPEAKER_00: It was insane.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: And my mother, and God bless her, I love my mom.
48:02
SPEAKER_00: She's still around, she's amazing.
48:04
SPEAKER_00: She comes and bonds me out of Monroe County so I can finally get to Williamson County.
48:11
SPEAKER_02: What a gal.
48:12
SPEAKER_00: And uh I end up, so I'm on this gel train, right?
48:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm going, I end up Williamson County.
48:18
SPEAKER_00: They let me bond out after four months under the condition that I go back to Teen Challenge and I finish.
48:24
SPEAKER_00: So I'll speed this up a little bit.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: So I go back to Teen Challenge, and I'm like, this is like, this is like four and a half months later.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of the people I was in with are gone.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: I mean, same counselors and stuff.
48:38
SPEAKER_00: So I go back and I finish my four months.
48:41
SPEAKER_00: I do the finish the year.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: And um I got out and I and I go back.
48:48
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm home and I took a drug court deal.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: And you're you're on drug court, and I know this part of the story.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: There it involves some cough syrup.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: Cough syrup, yeah.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: So I'm on drug court, and I have to report to drug court within like a week.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: And there was this girl that I was with, and I won't say her name, but there was this girl that I was with who I who I'd loved.
49:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, she it was like, you know, you got that one in your life that um kind of your first true love that, you know, you just that one person that's like, um, well, that was her, you know, and I'd got her back through all this shit.
49:30
SPEAKER_00: I'd got her back.
49:31
SPEAKER_00: And she had a son that I was kind of in a way like a father to for a couple years, some uh young child.
49:38
SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, we were talking about possibly getting married and this and that.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, I uh I met my grandparents' house.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm living there, and I'd got sick and I took some cough syrup.
49:55
SPEAKER_00: Well that your grandmother gave me my grandmother gave to me, and I didn't know what it was.
50:03
SPEAKER_00: I just thought it was like cough syrup.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: Um I knew it the possibility of it being prescription, but I didn't think it would have anything in it.
50:13
SPEAKER_00: Like I just didn't, it doesn't compute in my mind.
50:16
unknown: Yeah.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: So I go to court, they drug test me.
50:21
SPEAKER_00: No, I go to drug the drug court office, they drug test me and it pops for codeine.
50:26
SPEAKER_00: So it was a codeine cops room.
50:28
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling the lady, you know, and I work with this recovery court now, they're good friends of mine nowadays, you know.
50:36
SPEAKER_00: I spoke at their annual luncheon uh a few weeks ago in front of like 200 people, you know.
50:42
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling them, and of course, they're you know, in their mind, and I they have every right to believe this way, like this guy's full of shit, you know?
50:51
SPEAKER_02: Right, right, right.
50:52
SPEAKER_00: So I go up in front of the judge, and he's like, you know, they put me in jail.
50:58
SPEAKER_00: Like they take put me in jail, right?
51:00
SPEAKER_00: They sanction me.
51:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm in jail for a few days, and it's like a Tuesday, and I go up in front of the judge, and he's and I read this like three-page dissertation basically pleading for my freedom.
51:13
SPEAKER_02: And your grandmother actually tries to as well.
51:17
SPEAKER_02: Like, I I didn't know there was coding in it.
51:19
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, she comes to court, yeah.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking, okay, worse that's gonna happen, 30-day rehab, you know, that type of thing.
51:33
SPEAKER_00: At the most at the worst.
51:35
SPEAKER_00: But I'm thinking they're just gonna let me out.
51:36
SPEAKER_00: Like it's a misunderstanding.
51:39
SPEAKER_00: No.
51:40
SPEAKER_00: They um the judge says, son, you know, um, basically, uh you went to teen challenge.
51:50
SPEAKER_00: We didn't tell you to go to teen challenge, you went on your own.
51:55
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we uh like to do things the 12-step way around here, basically, is what he said to me.
52:05
SPEAKER_00: And we feel like you need to go to a 12-step based treatment center.
52:10
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm thinking in my head, 30 days, no problem.
52:13
SPEAKER_00: Easy peasy.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, we want you to go to Morgan County Recovery Court in East Tennessee.
52:22
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what the fuck?
52:23
SPEAKER_00: East, no, not East again, you know, and so I remember somebody telling me, oh, you could get out, somebody in the court telling me, you can get out in three months on good behavior.
52:39
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, three months, like so they take me in a cop car, me and this other guy named Brian.
52:47
SPEAKER_00: They take us up there.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: We're going through all these switchbacks up in the fucking mountains, and I'm thinking, good lord, where this is like some deliverance shit, you know?
52:56
SPEAKER_00: They're taking me up, and we get there, and the place is, and I had no idea it was like this.
53:03
SPEAKER_00: You gotta think, I have no idea what this place looks like.
53:06
SPEAKER_00: I haven't talked to anybody, nobody in jail knows what it looks like.
53:10
SPEAKER_00: They haven't been there.
53:11
SPEAKER_00: So we pull up to this place and it's surrounded by barbed wire, and it's the annex of the Morgan County prison that they've rented out to drug court for their residential treatment space.
53:27
SPEAKER_00: So it's basically a prison, is what it is.
53:31
SPEAKER_00: It's a prison rehab.
53:32
SPEAKER_02: You might be there for a year.
53:33
SPEAKER_00: So I get up, get this shit.
53:35
SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm walking up to the I walk up in the gate and I hear this familiar voice.
53:42
SPEAKER_00: And it was this guy, his name was Andrew, and he used to call me Roswell.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: He was the only person in my life that ever called me that.
53:51
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Roswell, what the hell are you doing here?
53:55
SPEAKER_00: And I'm I I knew immediately, I said, What the hell are you doing here?
53:58
SPEAKER_00: You haven't seen this guy in like 10 years.
54:01
SPEAKER_00: He was another guy who went through PlayStation.
54:04
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, I'm getting out in about a week.
54:07
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, How long they say you got?
54:10
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, they said I could get out on three months and get behavior, and he's like, I'm like, I'm like, what, dude?
54:19
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, dude, the the earliest I've ever seen anybody get out of here was ten and a half months, and that's because that poor bastard had a heart attack.
54:30
SPEAKER_02: That's a knife in your heart.
54:31
SPEAKER_00: Dude, I'm like, I'm like, what?
54:34
SPEAKER_02: And this, you're thinking that this girl is also slipping away, too, right?
54:38
SPEAKER_02: Because you're going away for a long time.
54:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dude.
54:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man.
54:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, so my whole world crashes, man.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm devastated.
54:46
SPEAKER_00: Like, to the point where I'm like crying at night and hiding it from the other guys.
54:51
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm fucking devastated.
54:53
SPEAKER_00: And I'm writing her letters.
54:55
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't use the phone, but like once every couple weeks, and I'm writing her letters and letters after letters.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's funny as we bring this up, but I found uh we cleaned out the storage shed of my aunt's or my stepgrandmother's the other day.
55:12
SPEAKER_00: She lives in Ohio, but she had a storage unit here and asked us to clean it out.
55:17
SPEAKER_00: And I found four books of mine that I'd had from Morgan County.
55:21
SPEAKER_00: A lot of songs that I had written, and there were letters that I didn't send to this woman.
55:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow that for whatever reason I held back on soon.
55:31
SPEAKER_00: There were letters that she sent me, and I had the letter that she finally sent me saying, Hey, it's over.
55:37
SPEAKER_00: Like I found somebody, like I can't do this anymore.
55:41
SPEAKER_00: And I tell you, man, I was devastated.
55:43
SPEAKER_00: I was absolutely devastated.
55:45
SPEAKER_00: And I was angry and I was mad and I hated the world and I hated God and I hated recovery and I hated everything at this point, you know?
55:55
SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing, man, like a lot of people when they go through recovery, right?
56:04
SPEAKER_00: And what I love about this day and age in recovery and recovery settings and treatment centers, recovery and treatment has evolved.
56:14
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
56:14
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Jesus.
56:17
SPEAKER_00: Like thank God it has.
56:20
SPEAKER_02: Tell us a little bit about your your thoughts on that.
56:23
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, I mean, at one time, here I was I was thrown in so many directions.
56:31
SPEAKER_00: I met Teen Challenge.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm told, hey, Jesus is the only way, right?
56:36
SPEAKER_00: This AA stuff is nonsense.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: Then I go to Morgan County, I'm told NA and AA are the only way.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: 12 steps.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: 12 steps, you know.
56:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, made a fearless and more inventory, you know, all that stuff.
56:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, I don't know what the hell to believe anymore.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know anything, I don't know what my higher power is.
56:57
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to stay sober, I don't know what works for me or what doesn't, because I everything that I tried, I ended up failing.
57:06
SPEAKER_00: And I just felt at this time I was so just stretched in so many different things.
57:11
SPEAKER_00: I was believing, I was reading eight different religions, trying to find what I believed in and doing all this crazy shit.
57:19
SPEAKER_00: I had never done any mental health therapy ever.
57:24
SPEAKER_00: So, and sorry, we're going a little long.
57:29
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
57:29
SPEAKER_02: And this kind of brings you to a different facility here.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: So I I get out of there.
57:38
SPEAKER_00: I ended up making a band.
57:41
SPEAKER_00: I was clean for like six months.
57:43
SPEAKER_00: I graduated drug court after that.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: Get out.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: I was clean for like six months when I got out, started using again fentanyl.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: That's when I found fentanyl.
57:52
SPEAKER_00: Started doing fentanyl like every day.
57:54
SPEAKER_00: I was started doing hardwood again.
57:56
SPEAKER_00: This guy had introduced me to it, and it was just like boom, you know, like nine months of just straight snorting fentanyl every damn day.
58:06
SPEAKER_00: And I get to this point again, and I remember um I had met this girl um that ended up becoming my second wife, but I remember staring at them in the mirror where I was living and literally spitting in the mirror at myself, spitting in my own face.
58:29
SPEAKER_00: And just I was just fucking disgusted with myself.
58:32
SPEAKER_00: I was so disgusted.
58:33
SPEAKER_00: I hated myself, you know.
58:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, how can you be doing this again?
58:37
SPEAKER_00: I was stealing again.
58:39
SPEAKER_00: I was stealing from the guy that I was living with.
58:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, this poor guy is such a you know, this guy was a beautiful soul who let me and his wife live with him.
58:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting here stealing from the guy thousands of dollars worth of music equipment that he had and just all your old tricks, all my old tricks, man.
58:55
SPEAKER_00: And and I'm just like, I'm so disgusted with myself.
58:58
SPEAKER_00: I mean, when I think about it to this day, it pisses me off, you know.
59:02
SPEAKER_00: And it's not I don't beat myself up for it anymore, but it just pisses me off.
59:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, dude, come on, you know, like that's not you.
59:09
SPEAKER_02: Um that was that was addict right.
59:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
59:13
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I I spit in the mirror and I'm like, this is it.
59:19
SPEAKER_00: This is it.
59:20
SPEAKER_00: So my ex-wife, my now ex-wife, let's call it second ex-wife.
59:25
SPEAKER_02: I'm glad you can laugh about it now.
59:27
SPEAKER_02: Right.
59:29
SPEAKER_00: Great story.
59:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah.
59:34
SPEAKER_00: So she like, she's like, look, dude, here's the ultimatum, right?
59:40
SPEAKER_00: You got three months.
59:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm moving to South Florida where my mother lives.
59:44
SPEAKER_00: She wants me to open up this nail salon, and I'm tired of your shit.
59:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, if you want to make a change, you move down to South Florida with me.
59:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to live with mom.
59:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, you got three months.
59:57
SPEAKER_00: So I waited till like the 89th day, naturally.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm on probation at this time for all that stuff.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm still on an eight-year probation, even with the drug court.
1:00:09
SPEAKER_00: That's how bad things, you know, even after graduating drug court.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_00: And um, I think I had like five or six years of the probation left.
1:00:19
SPEAKER_00: They don't know that I'm about to just up and leave and go to Florida.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_00: They know nothing about this, right?
1:00:26
SPEAKER_00: And this is like 2020, right before COVID, February 2020.
1:00:33
SPEAKER_00: So I go, it's it's it's I leave the day before my birthday, and I ended up putting fentanyl under my tongue and getting on an airplane.
1:00:43
SPEAKER_00: Could you imagine if I got caught in the airport?
1:00:46
SPEAKER_00: I would have done my six on the probation and probably 10 more.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:00:50
SPEAKER_00: You know.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I take it, I put it like in a balloon under my tongue.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_00: And I knew when I got down there, I'm like, I'm gonna run out, and I'm not gonna ask anybody on the street.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_00: Because down there, you'll get killed for doing something like that, just randomly.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_00: I mean, Fort Lauderdale, it's a you know, it's a tough town when it comes to that.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was February 7th, the day before my real birthday, February 8th.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: And the next day I had a little dope left.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_00: I knew it was gonna run out.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: And my ex-wife was like, hey, I want to take you to SeaWorld for your birthday.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_00: You know, so we go to SeaWorld, and we're in Orlando, and we're at SeaWorld, and we go and see Shamu, you know, the well.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_00: And have you ever been to SeaWorld?
1:01:42
SPEAKER_02: I haven't.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
1:01:43
SPEAKER_00: So like the shamu is like this auditorium seating, and you know, the famous well, and he's launching people up in the air and all that.
1:01:51
SPEAKER_00: Like there's dolphins knocking soccer balls up in the air.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying you're gonna go do dope in the bathroom.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_00: So I'm sitting up and he stands, and as I tell her, I say, I need to go use the bathroom.
1:02:02
SPEAKER_00: So I go in this public bathroom, and it's nasty.
1:02:07
SPEAKER_00: This bathroom's nasty, you know, it's kids all and I go into the stall, and there's the the toilet paper roll, you know, they got the plastic, the brown plastic.
1:02:17
SPEAKER_00: And I take out like the last of my dope, and I snort it off the toilet, and God knows what was on there, you know.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_00: And I'm and I snort it off of there, and I have this moment of clarity right there in the stall.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_00: You know, just nasty as could be.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_00: And I just have this moment of clarity where I'm like, dude, this is fucked.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is this is insane, man.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_02: You're telling yourself out loud.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling myself enough is enough.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling myself out loud, literally.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's probably people in the bathroom probably thinking, who that what is wrong with that guy?
1:02:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm like, this is insane, man.
1:02:56
SPEAKER_00: This is insane.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_00: So I go back up and I remember watching Shamu and just being like, This is why this is insane.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm high as shit right now watching shamu.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_00: Like, it was just all like this, you know.
1:03:09
SPEAKER_00: And we get back and I end up, we go to this nail slice.
1:03:14
SPEAKER_00: The next day, I'm out of dope, and I'm and I had a couple of Suboxone strips, and I'm like, Oh, I can take these now.
1:03:21
SPEAKER_00: So my wife goes into this, my ex-wife goes into this thing to get some nail supplies.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and um I take it and I literally go into pre-sip withdrawal within like two minutes.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was brutal.
1:03:37
SPEAKER_00: Sounds terrible, brutal because you're supposed to wait 72 hours with fentanyl.
1:03:41
SPEAKER_00: Only I didn't read the fine print.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_00: You you know, with fentanyl, it's longer.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_00: With heroin, you can wait 24 hours.
1:03:48
SPEAKER_00: Fentanyl, it's 72 hours.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_00: So I'm at like 20th hour, you know.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_02: And I think for Vivi, you gotta wait a week.
1:03:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:03:57
SPEAKER_00: So she comes back, and I'm literally like, I'm like, like, you know, I'm I'm like just puking out the door, and I'm sweating and just acting crazy.
1:04:09
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, take me to the hospital, you know, and she's like, what's going on?
1:04:14
SPEAKER_00: And on the way there, it's like truth there.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_00: I've been using fentanyl and I'm in and I stole from Jonah, and I've done it.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, What the fuck?
1:04:23
SPEAKER_00: You know, so we're like, she's taking me to the hospital, she's pissed, right?
1:04:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I end up in the hospital bed and I wake up like 18 hours later, they shot me full of Ada van and everything.
1:04:35
SPEAKER_00: And I wake up like 18 hours later, and um, you know, um, I I'll say this, man, and you know, there's I won't go into my whole I don't I you know about my ex-wife and stuff.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_00: She she did some things to me that was pretty crazy, but she saved my life that day, and I'll never forgive her for it, or I'll never forget her for it.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_00: Totally understand.
1:05:00
SPEAKER_00: Um and but you know, we uh I wake up and I'm like, I had insurance at the time.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_00: First time I had insurance in years, um, because she had like was on me about getting insurance for months.
1:05:16
SPEAKER_00: And so I find the first place that'll take my insurance.
1:05:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was uh sunrise detox in Lake Worth.
1:05:23
SPEAKER_00: And I go in there, and this place, you know, it's it's basically just a bare bones detox.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_00: Like it's white walls, you know, nothing much to it, you know.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not like some of the centers we have here.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, this place was just you get what you get, right?
1:05:41
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_00: And I about two days in, um, I had a dream with my father in it.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_00: And basically he was just saying to me, like, you know what you need to do, son.
1:05:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I hadn't had a dream of my father in it in years, like in Since he died, I don't think, you know.
1:06:03
SPEAKER_00: And I um I go up to the front and I'm like, I I want to leave.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_00: I AMA basically.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_02: And they were for everybody out there that me AMA means leaving against medical advice.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_00: Medical advice.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_00: Which I don't ever suggest doing for anybody out there.
1:06:18
SPEAKER_00: But it's part of my story, you know.
1:06:21
SPEAKER_00: I end up leaving.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_00: But prior to me leaving that day, one of the things that got my wheels turning was I went outside that a little smoking area, and there was this guy in the smoking area.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_00: I always see him.
1:06:37
SPEAKER_00: And this guy was about 500 pounds.
1:06:41
SPEAKER_00: Big, big fella.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_00: And every time I would walk out during those two days, he he wore like a flat boo, uh flat bill foo-boo hat.
1:06:52
SPEAKER_00: He had these Fubu jeans and like this like diamond-studded shirt.
1:06:57
SPEAKER_00: And he'd be sitting there in a chair like this, and he'd have a lit cigarette dangling out of the bottom of his mouth.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_00: It'd be like stuck on it, and I'd always go over and I'd take it out, you know, because I'm afraid he'd burn himself.
1:07:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_00: He had a nice shirt, you know.
1:07:11
SPEAKER_00: So every time this would happen.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_00: And but nobody ever would see this guy awake, never heard him talk, didn't know his name.
1:07:19
SPEAKER_00: And every time, and I'm like, how, and it would blow my mind.
1:07:22
SPEAKER_00: I spent a lot of my time there wondering how this guy would light cigarettes and stuff, and who this guy.
1:07:27
SPEAKER_00: He just fascinated me for some reason.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_00: And we're out there one time, we go out there the second day or whatever, and I put the cigarette out again, and I'm sitting at this table.
1:07:38
SPEAKER_00: Well, he's behind us in this couch.
1:07:41
SPEAKER_00: Sitting at this table, I'm bullshitting with these guys.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm a musician, and you know, I want to do this, and I got these dreams about playing music and writing again and all this.
1:07:52
SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden, we hear somebody talk, and the guy's like, hey man, and we we all it's like uh it's like half baked.
1:08:02
SPEAKER_00: You ever see the guy on the couch, you know?
1:08:05
SPEAKER_00: Totally, like every time he says something, it's like this profound thing, you know.
1:08:09
SPEAKER_00: We're we jump, yeah.
1:08:10
SPEAKER_00: Because the guy's always sleeping, yeah.
1:08:12
SPEAKER_00: And we're like, oh shitty, you know, and you say, Hey man, this is his his exact words.
1:08:17
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you ever heard of Recovery Unplugged?
1:08:19
SPEAKER_00: They do music and shit.
1:08:20
SPEAKER_00: You should go there.
1:08:21
SPEAKER_00: And he fell right back asleep.
1:08:23
SPEAKER_00: And he had a cigarette back in his mouth.
1:08:24
SPEAKER_00: And I'm and I remember thinking, how did he like, did y'all see anybody like that?
1:08:31
SPEAKER_00: So come to find out this guy's name was Miles, and that got my wheels turning, see?
1:08:38
SPEAKER_00: And this I always tell people, and I and I talk a lot at in treatment centers, and I go play music in various treatment centers around middle Tennessee and and stuff like that.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man, yeah.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_00: And it's something I love to do.
1:08:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I always tell people, like, man, some of the the program's great, right?
1:08:59
SPEAKER_00: A lot of these centers, the program's great, the therapy's great, this and that.
1:09:03
SPEAKER_00: But you're probably gonna get the most out of each other, you know, listen to each other because you never know.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, that guy Miles, he saved my life that day.
1:09:15
SPEAKER_00: He set me on a trajectory to where I'm at now.
1:09:19
SPEAKER_00: I truly believe that.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_00: If it wasn't, it's like the butterfly effect, right?
1:09:23
SPEAKER_00: That one thing that he said got my wheels turning about recovery unplugged, you know?
1:09:31
SPEAKER_00: And right then I was fixated on going to recovery unplugged.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_00: So I get out, I get my ex-wife to take me to Recovery Unplugged.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_00: I end up getting accepted there.
1:09:43
SPEAKER_00: I had this crazy out-of-pocket.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's no way because I worked in admissions for three years there, and I know insurances and I know out-of-pockets and deductibles, and my and my out-of-pocket was like$8,000, and they were only gonna make like$400 if I didn't pay a dime after I got out.
1:10:03
SPEAKER_00: And the director or she ended up becoming my boss, her name was Erica.
1:10:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, she was just like kind of a standard manager then.
1:10:15
SPEAKER_00: And she approved me to come in then.
1:10:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, she and I I've even read my file when I started working there.
1:10:22
SPEAKER_00: I was able to pull up my file.
1:10:23
SPEAKER_00: And it basically said, Hey, if this guy doesn't pay anything on his out of pocket when he gets out, we're only we're basically scholarshipping him, you know, whatever reason, they let me in.
1:10:32
SPEAKER_00: And I remember talking to the admissions person on the line, and I come to find out she was new.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_00: And I remember telling her, I said, Look, and she was kind of pushing back on the out of pocket.
1:10:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have to talk to my manager.
1:10:48
SPEAKER_00: And I told her, I said, Look, this is what's gonna happen.
1:10:52
SPEAKER_00: And I've heard the recording.
1:10:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I said, My God is gonna talk to your God, and then your God is gonna talk to your boss's God, and then they're gonna talk to whoever the their God is, and they're gonna have a big God powwow, and y'all are gonna let me in.
1:11:10
SPEAKER_00: That was my exact words, and they end up letting me in.
1:11:15
SPEAKER_00: So I uh but man, no, I mean I went there for 12 days, that's it, but I just when I got out, dude, I just I didn't look back, man.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_00: Like I just I was so freaking motivated.
1:11:30
SPEAKER_00: COVID hit two weeks after I got out.
1:11:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, literally the initial shutdown where everything was really shut down.
1:11:36
SPEAKER_00: Remember that?
1:11:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh it was terrible.
1:11:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, people were commits.
1:11:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was terrible.
1:11:41
SPEAKER_02: And then when when do you start working admissions then?
1:11:44
SPEAKER_00: So about a year and a half later, okay.
1:11:46
SPEAKER_00: I ended up staying down in Florida.
1:11:48
SPEAKER_00: I was still on probation, and they ended up finding out I was down there, but they were cool with it because everything went virtual because of COVID.
1:11:57
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:11:57
SPEAKER_00: And the officer just kind of was like, okay, you know, like you're sober, you know.
1:12:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, I mean, I worked at this marble place called Sinai Marble.
1:12:10
SPEAKER_00: It's on Pompano Beach.
1:12:11
SPEAKER_00: They're awesome people.
1:12:12
SPEAKER_00: And I sold marble for like a year and a half for pool decks.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_00: Here I am, new in recovery, like going all over South Florida, you know, all these rich people selling them marble pavers and stuff.
1:12:23
SPEAKER_00: I just busted my ass, man.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_00: I ended up making a lot of money doing that.
1:12:27
SPEAKER_00: It's awesome.
1:12:28
SPEAKER_00: And um started my life over there, and then a friend of mine, Luke, said, Hey, we got a position open here.
1:12:35
SPEAKER_00: He was a case manager.
1:12:36
SPEAKER_02: Opportunity at RU.
1:12:37
SPEAKER_00: R U, yeah.
1:12:38
unknown: Yeah.
1:12:39
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, man, this is I've always wanted to work in treatment, always, but I never could stay sober long enough, right?
1:12:46
SPEAKER_02: So about a year and a half at this point, right?
1:12:49
SPEAKER_00: The longest I really ever had sober, like without institutions keeping me sober.
1:12:56
SPEAKER_00: But so I started working there and I got into admissions.
1:12:59
SPEAKER_00: I loved it, man.
1:13:00
SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
1:13:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, I worked in the office uh about six months into me working in admissions.
1:13:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting on my couch and um in Pompano.
1:13:11
SPEAKER_00: We have an apartment.
1:13:12
SPEAKER_00: I've already gained back all these things in life.
1:13:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm two and a half years sober at this point.
1:13:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, two years sober, and I get a knock on the door, doom doom, doom, doom, and I look through the peephole, and it's two sheriffs, cops.
1:13:26
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Oh shit, they must be here for the neighbor because the neighbor just got his door kicked in.
1:13:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's kind of a bad neighborhood.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_00: And they were like, Are you Michael Rossitano?
1:13:37
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Who's asking?
1:13:39
SPEAKER_00: And the Browts County Sheriff's Office.
1:13:42
SPEAKER_00: We got a warrant for your arrest.
1:13:43
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, What are you talking about?
1:13:46
SPEAKER_00: So I opened the door, they're like, Do you have your ID?
1:13:49
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, so I closed the door, I'm like, no, but let me get it.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_00: So I closed the door on them.
1:13:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking at that moment, I knew what it was.
1:13:58
SPEAKER_00: It was all that music equipment I stole in Brentwood, that guy's house that I lived with, came back to catch up with me.
1:14:05
SPEAKER_00: I knew eventually it was.
1:14:07
SPEAKER_00: I knew, and I knew the bell was gonna toll, right?
1:14:10
SPEAKER_00: And I just it sucked, man.
1:14:14
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I even thought at the time, man, I could run out the back sliding glass door.
1:14:19
SPEAKER_00: If I make my way to Tennessee, my charge is in Tennessee, so I just turned myself in there, I bond out.
1:14:25
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't.
1:14:26
SPEAKER_00: I opened the door and they took me to jail, and I ended up staying in Brouwer County jail for 42 days.
1:14:32
SPEAKER_00: There I'm almost two years sober.
1:14:35
SPEAKER_00: Just started my job with RU.
1:14:37
SPEAKER_00: Like in Recovery Unplugged, man, they stood behind me 1 million percent.
1:14:42
SPEAKER_00: I mean, they put my boss at the time put money on the phone like every day, Erica.
1:14:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, I remember like Erica helping you and put money, yeah, man.
1:14:51
SPEAKER_02: Did they transfer you to Tennessee?
1:14:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 42 days later, man.
1:14:55
SPEAKER_00: During that time when I was in jail, my ex-wife ended up stealing all this money from us and just trying to do all this crazy stuff, man.
1:15:05
SPEAKER_00: It was such a shame.
1:15:06
SPEAKER_00: It was such a shame.
1:15:07
SPEAKER_00: I I never I didn't think she was capable of doing that.
1:15:10
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't an addict.
1:15:12
SPEAKER_00: She was, you know.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_02: People are sick from many different things.
1:15:16
SPEAKER_00: Man, it was my whole world came crashing down.
1:15:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm sober, you know?
1:15:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:15:21
SPEAKER_00: And so they transport me, they come and get me in in an airplane.
1:15:26
SPEAKER_00: They take my hands and you know, cuff, uh, ankles cuffed.
1:15:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm walking through the airport.
1:15:34
SPEAKER_00: Dude, it's like I'm like, what am I, a murderer?
1:15:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is crazy, man.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_00: But they had me for a grand larceny, grand theft charge, theft over 10 under 50.
1:15:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, they fly me back to, you know, Tennessee, and I bond out four hours later because my charge was in Tennessee.
1:15:50
SPEAKER_00: So basically I just ended up, and what's crazy is all I had was I got arrested at home with nothing.
1:15:58
SPEAKER_00: All I had was shorts and a white t-shirt on because it was like in the morning, it was my day off and flip-flops, you know.
1:16:05
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have shit.
1:16:06
SPEAKER_00: So all my stuff is back in Tennessee in some storage unit somewhere because my ex-wife had just thrown all my shit in the storage unit, like half of it broke.
1:16:14
SPEAKER_00: It was crazy.
1:16:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, and nothing I did would ever warrant that type of behavior from her.
1:16:21
SPEAKER_00: That was so crazy about it.
1:16:23
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, um, and I uh they I bond out and I'm walking down Broadway at like 7 a.m.
1:16:33
SPEAKER_00: with the clear gel bag.
1:16:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking crazy because I have this skin condition called sebarrea and the gel water really messed it up and flared it up.
1:16:41
SPEAKER_00: So I'm looking all my hair is all crazy, disheveled, look like I'm using again because just the way I, you know, look.
1:16:49
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:16:50
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I opened my bank account thinking I'll have like$18,000 in there and I got like$200 because my ex-wife had wiped it out.
1:16:59
unknown: Yeah.
1:17:00
SPEAKER_00: So I barely had enough money to get an Uber to my mom's.
1:17:04
SPEAKER_00: So I go to my mom's and I just started working again, and I end up getting therapy through Recovery Unplugged because I was so I never dealt with mental health in my life.
1:17:15
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was so so much anxiety and just going through all that, man.
1:17:19
SPEAKER_02: And and our you does you this huge solid of never firing you, never fire me, man.
1:17:25
SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, just unbelievable.
1:17:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, unbelievable.
1:17:29
SPEAKER_02: And now you're in this uh clinical navigator role, right?
1:17:33
SPEAKER_02: And you help run Tune Up Tuesdays there, right?
1:17:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, Recovery Unplugged has many different services, right?
1:17:40
SPEAKER_02: But um, what does holistic care mean to you right now?
1:17:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man.
1:17:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, to me it's what you guys do.
1:17:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, uh, what I love about what we do, it's it's just a whole comprehensive approach.
1:17:55
SPEAKER_00: It's not one thing or the other, you know.
1:17:57
SPEAKER_00: Like uh I think what worked for me at Recovery Unplugged was the mental health aspect.
1:18:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, I never realized how much guilt I carried from stuff that I did to my grandfather, you know, when I was using stuff that I had done to people.
1:18:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I carried that guilt so long.
1:18:13
SPEAKER_00: I mean, even two, three years after I got sober.
1:18:16
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I just thought I was like, man, I'm just how do I get rid of this person?
1:18:20
SPEAKER_00: Like I was just terrible, I was terrible, you know.
1:18:23
SPEAKER_00: And I really beat myself up a lot over things that I had done to people, people I loved.
1:18:29
SPEAKER_00: You know, that's what I that's what I said back in the beginning of this was I I was never meant to be that way.
1:18:34
SPEAKER_00: You know, I was I wasn't raised that way.
1:18:36
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't my fabric of my being, I was not meant to be this type of person, you know.
1:18:43
SPEAKER_00: And it's just crazy.
1:18:45
SPEAKER_00: I got promoted eight months ago.
1:18:46
SPEAKER_00: I got the best job I've ever had in my life.
1:18:48
SPEAKER_00: I get to help people every day.
1:18:50
SPEAKER_00: I get to go speak at events, and people come ask me to do things for judicial things, and I work with all the drug courts in the area, and I, you know, um get to make an impact.
1:19:02
SPEAKER_00: Congratulations for this 180.
1:19:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man.
1:19:06
SPEAKER_02: It's just been uh you've done a lot of work though.
1:19:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:19:09
SPEAKER_02: This doesn't just come from you sitting on your ass not doing anything.
1:19:12
SPEAKER_02: Right now service work, networking.
1:19:14
SPEAKER_02: Right, man.
1:19:15
SPEAKER_00: And you know, there's every couple of days, man, we're all sit back and think, like, it this is my life now.
1:19:23
SPEAKER_00: Like this is like I get to do this.
1:19:25
SPEAKER_02: It's a beautiful life.
1:19:26
SPEAKER_02: And you seem so happy.
1:19:28
SPEAKER_02: I am time will make a lot of these things that make you feel bad.
1:19:33
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:19:33
SPEAKER_02: Will make you'll feel a lot better.
1:19:35
SPEAKER_02: And also, you know, your recovery program, like you being sober for even longer.
1:19:40
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:19:41
SPEAKER_02: Um just life ebbs and flows.
1:19:44
SPEAKER_02: And I think recovery, like I've been sober for 13 and a half years, my program has constantly changed, and I've tried new things.
1:19:53
SPEAKER_02: Things that don't work, things that do work.
1:19:55
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:19:55
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then your life changes.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_02: You know, like I'm married with a child now.
1:20:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:20:01
SPEAKER_02: It's pretty wild that I I think that that's my life at almost 47 years old.
1:20:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, I I never thought I deserved a great life.
1:20:11
SPEAKER_02: That's the way that I feel.
1:20:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.
1:20:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm more blessed than I deserve to be.
1:20:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:20:16
SPEAKER_02: And I I do feel even everything that you've done, that you are the exact amount of blessed.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_02: Because you're such a good dude and you've worked through all this stuff.
1:20:25
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:20:25
SPEAKER_02: And you've served a lot of time in different programs, and jail and everything.
1:20:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:20:30
SPEAKER_02: Um one last thing that I do want to touch on is that National Addiction Specialist does have many different services.
1:20:38
SPEAKER_02: Right, yeah.
1:20:38
SPEAKER_02: And you've been with us in the past.
1:20:40
SPEAKER_02: I have.
1:20:41
SPEAKER_02: And how how was your experience with NAS?
1:20:44
SPEAKER_00: You know, I have nothing but good things to say about NAS.
1:20:48
SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, they help, they've helped me through times as well, tough times as well, you know.
1:20:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I needed help even after getting sober, you know, after getting clean.
1:21:01
SPEAKER_00: And NES was was there for me.
1:21:04
SPEAKER_00: I mean, um, through those times as well.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_00: And they've they've been fantastic.
1:21:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, the therapy they provide.
1:21:11
SPEAKER_00: Um what I love about what you guys do here is you don't turn many people down, right?
1:21:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and give a lot of opportunities.
1:21:20
SPEAKER_00: Give a lot of opportunities and the grant the grants and all that stuff, man.
1:21:25
SPEAKER_00: I know there's there's a few people that I've known who have have used y'all, and I've been able to to help people um that have gotten out of us to to get help with you guys too.
1:21:36
SPEAKER_00: And I really appreciate that.
1:21:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I I think it's uh I think the work that that y'all do is is great, man.
1:21:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, for the things that y'all do here, um, the way that y'all help people, I got nothing but good things to say.
1:21:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, look, I mean, there's there's good and bad everywhere.
1:21:53
SPEAKER_00: Everybody's got good and bad things.
1:21:55
SPEAKER_00: It all depends on your experience, but from everything that I've experienced with with NAS, it's been nothing but a pleasure, man.
1:22:04
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate kind words.
1:22:07
SPEAKER_02: Um and I I just I I love what you do with Recovery Unplugged.
1:22:12
SPEAKER_02: I've seen it.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_02: Um, and thank you for the kind words on NAS.
1:22:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:22:17
SPEAKER_02: And we didn't get to touch on your Titans channel, but uh, what what is it just for the listeners in case they want us to check out your Tennessee Titans podcast?
1:22:25
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:22:26
SPEAKER_00: And I before that, real quick, and I know it's it's getting a little late, but I do want to say now that and and I want to throw this in there because I feel like I have to, but I have a uh, you know, I I I've touched on relationships in my life, but now I have a woman in my life that is that is absolutely uh fantastic and been with her two years.
1:22:48
SPEAKER_00: And um that's amazing.
1:22:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well deserved.
1:22:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, her name's Michelle, and she's the she's the most kind, caring, considerate woman that I've ever been with in my life, a true partner.
1:23:00
SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, um I remember last time when I told my story, I didn't include her in.
1:23:06
SPEAKER_00: I just felt like I needed to.
1:23:07
SPEAKER_00: So um, and there's other people who've helped me along the way, uh, you know, a roommate that I have lived with for three and a half years, and I've become like an uncle to her child, and you know, that was also a great distraction for me after all coming back to Tennessee and going through all that.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_00: And they've so it's all holistic, comprehensive.
1:23:29
SPEAKER_00: But um, with the Titans, yeah.
1:23:33
SPEAKER_00: I have a Titans YouTube channel.
1:23:34
SPEAKER_00: Me and a me and a guy, a guy, a friend of mine started it before I joined, about maybe eight months before I joined, but me and him kind of became partners in it, and it's called the Titan Upload Network.
1:23:47
SPEAKER_00: If you're into the Tennessee Titans, you know, um, if you're into that type of misery, um, but you and you are Titan Rossi.
1:23:54
SPEAKER_00: Titans Rossi, I go by uh on X at uh at Titans Rossi on X, and our YouTube channel is the Titan Upload Network, and we have the most subscribers, most subscribers for a fan-made Titans channel on YouTube.
1:24:10
SPEAKER_00: Um amazing.
1:24:11
SPEAKER_00: Congrats.
1:24:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm sure you it's a lot of work running a podcast.
1:24:14
SPEAKER_02: It is, yeah.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_02: More than people that are listening to how much work it's if you want to make it good, it is, you know.
1:24:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's uh if you want to make it quality and you know, it is, but I love it, man.
1:24:27
SPEAKER_00: And it's all all these things are part of the recovery, right?
1:24:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
1:24:32
SPEAKER_02: You know, so and please check out um uh Michael's Tennessee Titan channel.
1:24:38
SPEAKER_02: Please check out Recovery Unplugged.
1:24:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, if you like the podcast, please like and subscribe and listen to or watch wherever you get your podcasts.
1:24:47
SPEAKER_02: And Michael, I just I can't appreciate you more for saying everything you said.
1:24:51
SPEAKER_02: It was a wild ride and also very funny at times, and I'm glad we can go back and laugh at it.
1:24:55
SPEAKER_02: And and uh I hope this helps a lot of people listening to this because anything's possible if you do the right thing and do the hard work.
1:25:03
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:25:03
SPEAKER_02: And I appreciate you and I love you, brother.
1:25:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, love you too, man.
1:25:06
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
1:25:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.