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How to Receive from a Man without Losing Your Independence · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  A lot of women these days want a provider man.
• 0:34
  They want a man who is going to provide financially, provide emotionally, a man who will let her be rested and relaxed so she can be more in her feminine energy.
• 0:45
  But there's a big fear, and the big fear for a lot of these women, a lot of these women are very capable and high-achieving, is that they will lose control, or they will have to let go of their independence, or they will have to let go of their ambition.
• 1:00
  So I don't want you to do that.
• 1:02
  We're not going for I don't need nobody, and we're also not going for hyper-independence.
• 1:06
  We're trying to go for interdependence, where you are able to let a man provide for you but still maintain your own personhood.
• 1:15
  That's actually a really healthy thing.
• 1:16
  That's a very healthy aspiration.
• 1:18
  So that is what we're going to be talking about today because I know that it's a huge area of confusion.
• 1:25
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 1:26
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 1:34
  Lately, we've been talking a lot about relationship dynamics, so if that's something that you are interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video or live stream that we are doing on this channel.
• 1:44
  if you haven't done so already, make sure to check out our free divine feminine archetypes quiz because in that quiz, it will let you know which of the four archetypes of divine feminine energy that I teach that are running your life.
• 1:58
  So for example, if you're the wounded maiden, I can already tell you you're a people pleaser.
• 2:02
  If you're an awakening warrior, I can already tell you you're an over-functioner and tend to attract the more passive men.
• 2:09
  And there's two other stages that I teach.
• 2:12
  So I talk about these stages all the time.
• 2:15
  It'll help you gain a lot more clarity about what kinds of patterns are showing up in your dating life, So let's go into the shared dilemma that many ambitious, capable, smart women experience.
• 2:27
  I have women on this YouTube channel, uh, who are lawyers, who are doctors, who are business owners, uh, engineers.
• 2:34
  I've spoken with many of you.
• 2:35
  Many of you are very high-achieving.
• 2:37
  You work for the government.
• 2:39
  You're very high-achieving, you're very ambitious, and you're very capable.
• 2:42
  However, you all seem to have something in common, and one of the things that you have in common is that whether you are on date number two with a man or you've been married to a man for several years, you struggle with receiving help or really receiving anything, um, from men.
• 3:00
  So that is what we're going to talk about today because this is very common, and it can actually get in the way of, if you're dating, attracting a really good man, and if you're in a relationship, you can kinda start managing and mothering him, and then that will kill the attraction in the relationship.
• 3:16
  I don't want that for you, so let's talk about what's going on here The core mistake that many of these women make is that they confuse receptiveness and being able to receive, not just from men, but from usually other people in general, they mistake that with helplessness.
• 3:35
  There have been women in the comments section on this YouTube channel who, for example, have admitted that when they were growing up, their family told them that they've...
• 3:42
  If they, received help from somebody, that it made them weak.
• 3:47
  Or others of you got stories like if you received help from somebody, now you owe them something.
• 3:52
  So we have all these warped, twisted stories around the idea of support.
• 3:57
  And by the way, there's women from over 50 different countries who watch this YouTube channel, and this is universal.
• 4:04
  Universal.
• 4:05
  I've heard this from Western women, I've heard it from Eastern women.
• 4:08
  It is global.
• 4:09
  It is across the board that this is an issue that women all around the world are experiencing So what we're gonna talk about in this video is how to shift from hyper-independence, which is, which is where many of you are getting stuck, to interdependence.
• 4:24
  Because I also don't want you to become dependent on a man, many of you are scared of that, and you should be, because that's also not healthy.
• 4:32
  It's really about learning how to integrate and work together So let's talk about the invisible ledger that most women have in their minds where they're tallying things up in their head.
• 4:43
  So many women have this invisible ledger where any act of kindness, any meal, any money received, anything at all means that the other person is either going to ask for something later, like, oh, now you owe this person something, or the other thing is that it's going to come at a cost.
• 5:03
  So the shift that we have to make here is that healthy feminine energy receiving, she receives just because she's receiving.
• 5:11
  There's no cost.
• 5:11
  There's no having to prove it.
• 5:13
  There's no guilt around it.
• 5:15
  There's none of that stuff, right?
• 5:16
  It's okay to receive from other people.
• 5:19
  Many of you have said something along the lines in the comment section that you don't even, believe that other people can give to you because it's not something that you've ever experienced.
• 5:29
  Now, for those of you specifically, start with the beliefs first, and I am going to be sharing more somatic practices on this YouTube channel, like EFT tapping and other somatic freedom techniques, to help you in those moments where you're getting anxious and to help you with rewiring your nervous system.
• 5:47
  Now, in the meantime, what you can do is you can check out the Magnetic Woman Transformation training.
• 5:51
  Everyone's always asking me the best place to start with nervous system regulation, the anxiety, the burnout, the wanting to change beliefs and behaviors.
• 5:59
  That is the place to start is the Magnetic Woman Transformation.
• 6:04
  So start there, uh, for those of you who are struggling to even, you know, believe that somebody could even be there for you or for those of you who are feeling a lot of anxiety or guilt when other people give to you because the Magnetic Empress, which is the fourth of the archetypes that I teach, and again, make sure to take the quiz if you haven't done so already to know which archetype is most prevalent for you.
• 6:28
  She is able to receive.
• 6:29
  She's able to receive calmly, and she is not automatically assuming that she owes somebody something or that the other person is going to call in a favor because they gave to her.
• 6:39
  Sometimes people wanna give just'cause they wanna give it could be as simple as a compliment, and someo- and a woman's already trying to like,"No, no, no.
• 6:45
  It's okay.
• 6:45
  This old thing, this dress," whatever.
• 6:47
  And imagine if someone's giving you a compliment, and then instead of you receiving it and being like,"Thank you for complimenting my dress.
• 6:55
  Thank you for complimenting my hair.
• 6:56
  Thank you for complimenting my lip color," or whatever it is that they're complimenting, you're kind of like shutting it down.
• 7:03
  Like, how do you think that makes the other person feel?
• 7:05
  Not very good.
• 7:06
  So you have to think about that as well when it comes to receiving.
• 7:10
  In addition to that, for those of you who are dating or in relationships, receiving and open receiving is not something that is transactional, right?
• 7:21
  So a huge mistake that people make in relationships is that they're always making it transactional.
• 7:25
  So if you believe that if someone gives you something that you automatically owe them something, or there's some imaginary ledger in the sky that the man is being like,"Well, I did this for her, and I did this for her, and I did this for her, and I did this for her." If you're already there, you're already taking yourself out of feminine energy.
• 7:42
  The only thing receiving is, is an invitation for masculine men to step up to give to you and for you to receive.
• 7:49
  And when you get really good at receiving, it creates what I call the positive polarity reinforcement loop and what that looks like is a masculine man gives to you because that's what they do, and then you get really good at receiving it.
• 8:01
  You learn how to express your gratitude for it and how it's changed your life, and guess what that does?
• 8:06
  It makes him wanna do better.
• 8:07
  It makes him wanna do more.
• 8:09
  It makes him wanna make your life easier even more, and then you get to soften more into your feminine energy.
• 8:16
  But if you've got this idea in your mind that you're helpless, or you're dependent, or you have no control over your life, or you feel guilty, or like you owe somebody or something, then you're putting, you're, you're putting a stop to that positive polarity reinforcement loop.
• 8:31
  And for those of you who are new here, polarity is the energy that keeps attraction alive in a relationship, and it usually works best when...
• 8:40
  In heterosexual relationships, it works best when a man is primarily in his masculine energy, and a woman is primarily in her feminine energy because that creates the positive polarity reinforcement loop.
• 8:51
  The problem that a lot of women are having in their relationships right now is that they have a negative reinforcement loop, so they're the ones who are constantly giving, they're the ones who are over-functioning, and then they're exhausted and resentful.
• 9:03
  So one of the ways in which you flip that is by learning to get really good at receiving and realizing that just because you receive from someone, it does not make you stupid, it does not make you incapable, it does not mean that you owe somebody anything.
• 9:16
  And again, if you're having a hard time really rewiring these beliefs, make sure to check out the Magnetic Woman Transformation training.
• 9:22
  So let's talk about how, this hyper-independence shows up in early dating and what we can do to shift it, because a lot of women make a lot of really innocent mistakes in early dating.
• 9:33
  So what it might look like in early dating is offering to pay.
• 9:36
  Yes, stop doing that.
• 9:37
  Some of you have asked me, they're like,"Do you think that we should, like, fake going for our wallets or offer to pay 50/50?" No, because you're setting a bad precedent from the beginning.
• 9:46
  If you want a provider man, then act like a woman who's provided for and she would not be offering.
• 9:51
  She would allow herself to receive.
• 9:55
  And then, you know, if he doesn't respond well to it, then you have your freaking answer and go date another one.
• 10:00
  You're not missing anything.
• 10:02
  You're not missing out, girl, I promise.
• 10:05
  Because if he wants you to pay 50/50 forever, well, okay, well, go ask the women who are in my DMs and my emails who are so resentful about this that, um, they're paying bills how they feel about it, right?
• 10:17
  'Cause now they're looking back and they're being like,"Damn it, I offered to pay for dates.
• 10:21
  Damn it, I offered to pay for bills.
• 10:23
  Damn it, when he suggested this, I said yes." So no, girl, you're just gonna set a bad precedent.
• 10:28
  Don't do it.
• 10:29
  That's one of the ways, um, in which it shows up.
• 10:32
  Other ways might look like you managing his schedule, managing the dates.
• 10:36
  Uh, I heard this story the other day of a man might say something like,"Oh, you know, I have a family thing this weekend," and you're, like, inviting yourself to the family thing and you're buying a present for his mom and you're just do- like, doing way too much.
• 10:51
  Another way in which this shows up in early dating is when you don't allow him to help you or really do anything because you're trying to prove, like, how independent and capable you are.
• 11:01
  Another way this shows up in early dating, and this will kill attraction very quickly, is when the only thing a woman talks about is her accomplishments, her achievements or her career.
• 11:10
  I once stopped dating a man because he was obsessed with my career and I was like,"This is a red flag.
• 11:17
  This is a red flag," right?
• 11:19
  Because he's gonna be banking on me and my career and my capabilities, and I want to be, provided for.
• 11:27
  There were a couple of other red flags, too.
• 11:29
  Maybe I'll share that story someday.
• 11:31
  Make sure to subscribe.
• 11:34
  So the problem here is that this blocks healthy masculine men from being able to give to you, it blocks them from being able to pursue you, and it actually stops them from being able to bond to you.
• 11:45
  Because the way that healthy masculine men bond is by giving to a woman, by investing in a woman.
• 11:52
  And investing could be literally paying for things, it could be helping to solve your problems, it could be fixing things for you.
• 11:59
  These are all investments, and that's the way that healthy masculine men bond to a woman.
• 12:06
  So if you're stopping him from investing in you, you're literally stopping him from becoming attracted to you Instead, what it does is that it attracts passive men who want to be managed or passive men who want a mommy So here's a script that you can use.
• 12:20
  Let's say you are in early dating and you went on a date.
• 12:23
  All, all you gotta say is,"Thank you so much for planning this date.
• 12:27
  I feel so relaxed and so at ease.
• 12:29
  Thank you so much." That's it.
• 12:33
  That's it.
• 12:33
  That's all you gotta do.
• 12:34
  Just receive the date, girl.
• 12:35
  Just receive the date and have a good time.
• 12:38
  I never once offered to pay on a date, and no man ever asked me to pay for a date.
• 12:44
  In fact, when I was mo- most active in dating, when I was learning about these polarity things, this was almost 10 years ago, when I was most active, um, I really tried to stay as present as possible, as grounded as possible.
• 12:58
  I didn't go into dates being like,"I'm gonna act X, Y, and Z way." I'm just like,"I'm gonna practice these things that I'm learning, and I'm just gonna observe, and I'm just gonna see what happens." And I can tell you with full confidence, I never had a man asking me to pay for anything, and I never offered.
• 13:13
  I simply enjoyed the evening and said thank you and learned how to appreciate him.
• 13:19
  Which, speaking of appreciation, I recently did a video on how to stop mothering a man and how to stop managing a man, and appreciation was huge.
• 13:28
  So make sure to check out that video because it's, it's like a magic little thing you could put into your relationship if you're having some issues.
• 13:36
  It's a very simple thing that you can do to start turning your relationship around, so make sure to check out that video So now let's talk about what this might look like in a committed partnership or a marriage, because I've had a lot of married ladies coming through who are trying to change the dynamic in the relationship.
• 13:51
  Many of you are complaining that your husbands have become very passive, or you feel like you're managing him, or you feel like you're his mom, um, or, or you're just overwhelmed and, like, overloaded.
• 14:03
  So this one is for you So the mistake that women make when they're married is managing everything, like all the logistics things, or paying for things, or just like, I get it, you know, you've been married, you've been with someone a few years, you've been with someone a long time, you're householding together, you're managing kids together, sometimes you're managing businesses together.
• 14:24
  Like th- this is just life, okay?
• 14:27
  It's life.
• 14:28
  And what happens is out of habit, women might start picking up a lot of the logistics, and a lot of women out of habit are over-functioners because a lot of women were taught from a very young age that love needs to be earned.
• 14:40
  So if you have a belief that love needs to be earned for whatever reason, or if you have a belief that you must always protect yourself for whatever reason, you tend to default into the over-functioning.
• 14:51
  And, and it's a nasty habit, and I recently did a video about this as well, so make sure to check that one out specifically because in most cases, in most marriages, it's just a bad habit, and it's a habit that we have to drop, and it's something that we have to be mindful of.
• 15:05
  And in fact, if you run businesses with your spouses, because some of you do, um, it's also a habit to keep in mind in the business.
• 15:11
  Like I- we recently had a situation where my husband, um, needed help in his business.
• 15:18
  Um, and rather than me jumping in to try and help,'cause again, that's the default, right?
• 15:22
  The default is, let's say, um, your husband's an entrepreneur and, uh, things are growing really fast.
• 15:29
  Like the default is that family members will start jumping in, and there's nothing wrong with that, and sometimes the occasion calls for it.
• 15:35
  What you have to be mindful of is not over-functioning.
• 15:38
  So I very calmly said to my husband, I was like,"Maybe you need an assistant.
• 15:43
  What do you think?" And then he hired one, and it's great.
• 15:46
  He's, he's training them right now as we speak because my husband and I value the polarity in the relationship, and my husband and I, both of us, are just really mindful of when I might be over-functioning or when I might be doing too much or I'm not able to be rested or even when my husband's overloaded.
• 16:04
  You know, we're mindful about that as well, and maybe that means he needs to hire people, for example.
• 16:09
  So when it comes to long-term relationships, sometimes it's just about becoming aware because again, it's a bad habit and you do it out of habit, and oftentimes you don't even realize what is going on or what happened, and before you know it, you're overloaded and resentful.
• 16:23
  Now the funny thing here, right, is that you have to be willing to let go of the reins.
• 16:28
  So for example, when I said to my husband,"Maybe you need an assistant, what do you think?" I'm willing to let go of the reins.
• 16:35
  Okay, let it go, girl.
• 16:36
  The assistant can support him a lot better than I can.
• 16:39
  The assistant can support him a lot better than I can.
• 16:41
  They can be down at that office every day.
• 16:43
  They can manage a lot of these things that just pile up.
• 16:46
  Like they can do it a lot better than I can.
• 16:48
  I do not have pride about this, right?
• 16:50
  And a lot of times what happens is that a, a lot of times women will be very prideful or very controlling.
• 16:56
  I don't have pride about any of it, okay?
• 16:59
  Other people can do things as good, if not better than me.
• 17:04
  That is a belief that I took on in the last few years.
• 17:07
  It is a belief that I now live by, and it is part of the reason why I feel like a supported woman.
• 17:13
  So sometimes what happens here, and I had this conversation with someone once, um, out of habit she started her relationship, uh, paying bills, right?
• 17:22
  And now she's resentful, so she reached out, and she's resentful about it.
• 17:28
  And she's like,"I don't wanna be paying bills anymore.
• 17:30
  I want him to be the provider." And then when I started going into it and I started asking more questions, I realized that her mouth was saying that she wanted him to be a provider, but when I would bring in scenarios of like,"Well, what are you gonna do if, you know, he makes a mistake?" It's always a question I ask to test what you all really think and what you all really believe and what y'all really want.
• 17:52
  Uh, she went like this.
• 17:53
  She goes,"I don't think I would be able to handle it." I'm like,"That's the thing that you, you need to work on." Okay, that's a control thing.
• 17:59
  You have to be willing to let go of the reins if you want other people to support you, And you just have to be okay with whatever happens and that everybody's an adult and everybody's gonna figure it out, and that people are capable Now, the pitfall here, whether you're doing it unconsciously out of habit or whether you have control issues or whether you think nobody can do things better than you can, the pitfall here is that when you start overdoing it, it kills the polarity in the relationship because again, you're killing the positive polarity reinforcement loop you're literally putting a stop to it.
• 18:32
  So that's the issue, and that's why a lot of you come to me resentful.
• 18:36
  That's why a lot of you come to me and you, um, are complaining that the men are passive and you're like,"What do I do?
• 18:42
  What do I do to inspire him to do better?" Stop over-functioning, and stop micromanaging, and go watch all my videos about this topic and do what is in those videos and I promise you it can start turning around So now let's discuss a tactical script.
• 18:57
  I gave an example of one that I recently used with my husband when I noticed he was, you know, overloaded with his business, and I didn't wanna jump in and go do anything, um, because again, I value the polarity in the relationship, and I'm really mindful of these things, and we're very self-aware about these things.
• 19:14
  But let's talk about one that is probably more common, right, which is finances.
• 19:19
  And you don't all run businesses together, right?
• 19:21
  So let's talk about one that's more common, which is finances, right?
• 19:25
  You've been paying bills up until now, and you're tired of it.
• 19:27
  Ooh, my God, if I had a nickel for every time I heard this one, right?
• 19:32
  You could say something along the lines of My love, thank you so much for all the ways in which you provide for me.
• 19:38
  You know, lately I've just been feeling a lot of like the mental load, um, or like I'm carrying a lot of mental load when it comes to the finances.
• 19:47
  I would love it if you just took full responsibility for this so we can restore the balance and I can feel a bit more relaxed and rested.
• 19:55
  What do you think?
• 19:58
  That's it.
• 19:59
  That's it.
• 19:59
  Now, of course, this is not what most women do.
• 20:01
  What most women do is they complain, they become resentful, it turns into a big fight, it turns into a big argument, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 20:10
  So again, make sure to subscribe because I'm gonna be sharing a lot more videos with tactical examples like this to help you in real-life situations.
• 20:18
  You can also check out our Magnetic Woman Transformation Training, because that takes you from a process of being a controlling woman, a woman who's in survival mode, a woman who's hyper-independent, a woman who's burned out, a woman who's exhausted, a woman who doesn't feel supported, to becoming a magnetic woman who is supported, who attracts things to her, who men pursue, who men wanna solve problems for, who people wanna throw money at.
• 20:42
  Go to the Magnetic Woman Transformation Training, mindfulsuccesspath.com/magnetic.
• 20:47
  It's the absolute best place to start with my work.
• 20:52
  Now I do wanna say a caveat here because there is a difference between healthy provision versus control.
• 20:57
  I've done lots of livestreams about this as well, but a lot of women get the two confused, right?
• 21:02
  So a lot of women automatically assume that if a man is providing or if a man is supporting her, then he's automatically trying to control her.
• 21:10
  No, most men are just trying to make your life easier and give to you.
• 21:14
  But there are men out here who are controlling that you do need to be aware of, so let's talk about that for a minute Now, healthy support expands your choices, okay?
• 21:22
  It allows you to have more rest.
• 21:23
  It allows you to have more freedom.
• 21:25
  It a- it supports you and makes your life better in some way without expecting something in return or without there something being manipulative behind it.
• 21:34
  Control is different.
• 21:35
  Control restricts your freedom.
• 21:37
  Control restricts your choices.
• 21:40
  Control is usually very manipulative, and control is very transactional.
• 21:44
  So that is the difference.
• 21:46
  The problem is that a lot of women, these are usually awakening warrior women, throw the baby out with the bathwater.
• 21:52
  And once again, if you wanna know which of these divine feminine archetypes is most prevalent in your life, make sure to go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 22:01
  It's completely free.
• 22:03
  It's only three minutes, and it's life-changing So in conclusion, you do not have to dim your light in order to be chosen.
• 22:09
  You don't have to become less ambitious.
• 22:11
  You don't have to become less of yourself in order to be chosen by a good man You just have to understand male psychology.
• 22:20
  You also have to understand your own patterns, and you have to understand that the goal that we're going for is interdependence.
• 22:28
  That's it.
• 22:29
  That's what we're going for.
• 22:30
  And when you have true interdependence, you still have your own sovereignty, but you allow men to give to you out of desire, not desperation I would love to hear your thoughts below.
• 22:42
  Let me know what kind of scenarios you are experiencing in your life so I can create more fun videos like this, or maybe I'll answer it in a live stream, or maybe I'll make a training.
• 22:51
  So let me know in the comments below.
• 22:54
  If you liked this video, go ahead and give it a thumbs up.
• 22:57
  Also, make sure to share it with a girlfriend who might be struggling out here.
• 23:01
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one