Latest / overslept w/ chris laker / soul patch period - oct 16 2026
Transcript
- Chris Laker: I need to trim my beard. Nobody should look at themselves as soon as they wake up. I know that's what most people do, but you shouldn't do it. You should wait at least two hours. I shouldn't be on camera as soon as I wake up, but this is the show. When I started the show, it wasn't video. that was great. My voice as soon as I wake up, I have no problem with. My face, it's not gonna get much better in a couple hours, but at least I'm more awake. it's a little jarring. Right away. You don't need a mirror to brush your teeth. Shave. I guess to shave. Not if you have an electrograzor, you can just do it by feel. Those really hurt. I haven't shaved in a long time. I hate shaving. That's why I don't shave. Too much mirror time. And it's an annoying thing to have to do every day. I've gone through periods when I was an accountant, clean shaven. There was a goatee period in my life. There was a soul patch period. Never a mustache. I might look all right though. Still a lot of shaving involved with the mustache, so I'm not gonna do it. Same with goatee. definitely not gonna go goatee. Nothing against the goatee people. Enjoy your goatee. It looks great. You feel cool. That's all that matters. if you don't have to shave, don't. you look better with the beard. Cover up that face. Shave, don't shave. I don't know what I'm talking about. Parmesan is on HBO. Kate Berlant new stand-up comedy special. Watch it on HBO. I guarantee it. I said that yesterday. There is nothing behind the guarantee, but I do guarantee it. if I am wrong you don't love it, tell me and I'll say I'm sorry. I'll say it, but I'm not really sorry. I blame you. If you don't like it, you're wrong. watch that, tell your friends about it. Kate Berlant, co-host of Poog, other co-host of Poog is the woman I live with. If you didn't know that, Jacqueline Novak, get on your knees on Netflix, Poog. my partner. Wife. I say wife. Some people say partner. I don't mind partner. I'm my girlfriend. I don't mind person I know. I don't care about the label. My dentist refers to her as my wife. How's your wife? I say fine. So then I feel like I guess that's my wife. I was married at another time in my life. it felt the same as now. It was a except there was the wedding thing that happened, which is an embarrassment in retrospect. At the time it was fun. Now I think about it making such a big deal out of a relationship that lasted five more years after that. seems a is a little embarrassing. You take a shot. You don't know. I kinda knew. I kinda felt as I was getting married Forever? Yeah, that's not that's probably not gonna happen. At the time I thought it was just wedding day nervousness, turns out premonition. that was a long time ago. I don't know what my ex wife's doing. Hope she's living a great life. Hope she's very happy. If she's watching this and I know from past experience she would tune into a podcast. You know, tune into a podcast, but you know what I mean. She commented on a podcast. This is many years ago. She commented on a podcast I did where I said things not nice. It was the wound was fresher. I didn't even say anything that bad actually. I just said I didn't like her. Which I didn't at the time. Now I like, I don't. Sure. Sure. Like. Great. Great person. Great person. I don't know. I don't know who she is now. It's been a long time. I'm a different person. She doesn't know who I am. We don't know each other. We are people who once knew each other, who no longer know each other. If she happens to see this, Yeah, I hope everything's good. she's not watching. don't email me to tell me you're watching. If you are watching, let's leave it a mystery. But she's not. know how I got talking about my ex wife. yeah, that's how. And I really wasn't talking about her, I was talking about my feelings. That was nothing to do with her I'm gonna just get to the news. Israeli settlers attack olive farmers and Washington Post journalists and West Bank. The olive harvest they're trying to disrupt. And then they're attacking a journalist because you don't want people reporting about that. It's not good press. they are throwing rocks, they're setting cars and trees on fire, it's all to disrupt these farmers from harvesting their olives. Some would say not good to do that. Some would say that. the settlers? I don't like using that term. It is way too generous to them, but that is the term that is used. Some people might say something else. I might agree with that something else. in my opinion, the settlers, I'm not a fan. Olives, I'm a big fan. I like olives a lot. All the different kinds of olives. You know, I didn't used to like olives. You know who got me into olives? My ex-wife. That was something that I got out of that relationship. learned to I tried olives, learned that I liked them. I used say I didn't like them, never even had them. There's a positive about that relationship and olives. Olive's very healthy for you People come into your life for a reason. I'm saying that about my past relationships, not about the settlers. I don't think they came into they well, they came into these farmers' life for the reason of disrupting their harvest, which is not a good reason. Brazil's Lula wins electoral court challenge against Meta for alleged pro Bolsonaro algorithm bias. why would Meta want to bias their algorithm? And why would they want to bias it towards right wing politicians? it's because right wing politicians won't try to regulate them as long as they keep biasing the right wing politicians. Not saying that right wing politicians are the only corrupt politicians, but they are the most corrupt politicians. these companies don't have ideologies You could see how they started being like, we're cool. We want a good environment. We do no evil. That was Google's thing And once people accepted them and said, these are good things. Social media is good. I love having an iPhone, Apple acting like, we're cool artists who manufacture everything in China and have suicide nets outside the factory. Because people work so much making iPhones, they wanna kill themselves. So they have a net out there like, it's over, I'm gonna end it. No, you're not, back to work. If you hit the suicide net, you get a five minute break, then you still have to put in your hours. Now Meta is being ordered by the to unfuck their algorithm, which maybe they'll do, or pay a fine. of course I'll still be using Instagram. Not so much threads. I don't really use threads. But when I go to threads, my algorithm is very left wing because they know that's what I want. They know I'll keep scrolling Facebook is psycho. I open up Facebook every once in a while just to see how crazy some of the people I know are because most people I know don't post on Facebook at all. And the people I do know posting on there. I mean, not everybody, but some of them. they lost their minds. Meta's evil, don't use it, but we're gonna use it. I would love to say I'm not gonna use it. If I wasn't trying to promote this show, I wouldn't use it. It's just about promoting this show in my stand-up career that I go against my morals. is that so wrong? I guess it is. it definitely is. I'm a little bit of a sellout. Sean Diddy Combs moved to a new prison after reports of a luxury lifestyle behind bars. It's like the Goodfellas scene where they all having a nice dinner and they get taken care of really nice by the guards. if I was in prison with Diddy, I would be kind of starstruck how often do you see celebrities in prison? Very little. I would probably buddy up to Diddy. He did some awful things. I I wouldn't want to be friends with him in life, but I'm in prison. Who am I gonna be friends with? People who did awful things. How did I get into prison? I was falsely accused. I was framed. I didn't do anything. I wouldn't do great in prison. Who thinks they would do great in prison other than people in prison? If you've never been to prison, I don't think you feel confident. I guess if you're like really fucking jacked and you know how to fight, but still nobody wants to go to prison. You've heard the stories. now they moved him from wherever he wa wherever he's gonna go, he's gonna be a celebrity and people are gonna wanna be nice to him, he's just gonna tell you stories about Biggie and aren't you gonna wanna hear those? Oregon school shooter identified a sixteen year old whose mother purchased the gun he used. This happened yesterday, the shooter's dead. I don't think they have a motive or his connection to this school, but he went into an elementary school, killed three kids, also shot another kid and a teacher who were in the hospital. The gun he used, a hunting rifle, was a birthday gift from his mom, I'm glad I have kids what to say about this. Society is broken, we'll forget about this in two days, and there'll be another shooting and we'll this is so sad. And it'll just keep happening. and this is a fact of life in the United States, not other places for some reason. there's these acts of violence other places, but it ain't happening like it is here. Norwegian teenage hitman hired for UK murder by Iran-backed crime gang jailed for twenty years. this kid was posting pictures of the money and the gun and telling his girlfriend I got all this money he was arrested right away. So they hired an idiot. you do have to be an idiot to accept that job and think, this is like a good way to make money. Iranian crime gang paying me to kill somebody, they'll probably be really cool to me after that, right? They'll they'll be appreciative. They're not gonna just kill me He's lucky he got arrested. If he's doing that time in a Norwegian jail, I think those are kinda nice really. Like a dorm. I think that's what I saw in Locked Up Abroad. Order to limit Star Shield for Ukraine came from inside the White House, sources say. from inside the White House because the president takes orders from Putin. For some reason, there's times that he's put on a show that he's against Putin. but in the end, it does seem like they're a bit aligned. satellite internet is way too much power for one company and really like one person to be in charge of. Not that I think Elon Musk is CEOing all day. I don't know what he's doing. he does get to say who gets this satellite internet Seems like too much power for a guy like Elon Musk. It's too much power for anybody. It's too much power for some allegedly, in my opinion, drugged up fucking clown. Former US Congressman Matt Gates accused of sex trafficking in lawsuit. Weren't there criminal ch I guess they dropped the criminal charges because don't wanna don't wanna look into that really. Let's just let it go. Lack of evidence. Let's call it lack of evidence. I don't know why they stopped investigating or why he didn't get prosecuted. but it sounded like he was definitely doing the things he was accused of. He was using Venmo, if I recall. He probably forgot to even put this Venmo on private. I hate when people have public Venmo. I don't want to see your transactions. What are you so proud of? I g I don't have to look at them. It's on me. Okay. but in this case, if you're doing illegal things, Private up your Venmo. Pentagon plans to hold report on Iran's school strike past November midterms. Yeah, of course. I don't even expect them to tell the truth then. I if you're gonna lie, I would do it now. You're not gonna put out a truthful report of what happened after the midterm. Don't remind people about the dead kids in the school that happened because we started a war we didn't need to start. That makes sense. All right. Solid logic there.