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Breaking Free from Comparison · Luxe & Legacy Podcast

0:06
Amber Courtney: Hey guys.
0:06
Welcome back to the Luxe and Legacy Podcast.
0:09
I'm Amber with light living photography and I'm here with my friend.
0:14
Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Marie of Marie Elizabeth Photography today, we're diving
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into something that every creative faces at some point, and that is comparison and
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Imposter syndrome and fear-based pricing.
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This one hits pretty deep.
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It is so easy to scroll through Instagram, see another photographer's
0:34
beautiful work or sold out calendar and immediately think.
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Why not me?
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Maybe I should just pack up and quit.
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But today we're gonna talk about how to shift out of that
0:48
comparison energy and back into confident alignment and abundance.
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And I wanna emphasize that this is a practice you never really feel like.
0:59
You've arrived unless you decide to.
1:02
So I definitely have some strategies I use that are helpful
1:06
to me that I'll be sharing.
1:08
And we ask in our stories how you, the listeners typically combat comparison.
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So we'll be sharing some of those responses as well.
1:16
So, first, Amber, I wanna ask you, do you struggle with comparison?
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And if so, what do you do to help with it?
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Amber Courtney: Definitely, I'll be honest, comparison was something I really
1:28
struggled with early on in my business, especially when I'd see photographers who
1:33
were incredibly talented but charging.
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Not very much, and it used to make me feel guilty, like, who am
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I to charge more than them when she's just as good, if not better.
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What I've learned to do is just stop looking at those accounts.
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People who.
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Are really, I know they are undercharging and they're really good.
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That should not impact me and I shouldn't let that hold myself back.
2:02
I shouldn't let other people's limitations also limit me.
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So what I tend to do for those accounts is I don't block them or unfollow
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them, but I might mute them for a while just so I can get my head back into
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what's best for me for my business.
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How much do I need to charge to make a profit?
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What's really serving my own clients and my own brand rather
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than letting someone else and.
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Their undercharging hold me back from what's my highest, best self, and
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it's simply protecting my own mindset.
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I don't need a constant reminder popping up in my feed that might trigger more
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guilt or doubt, and it doesn't mean I don't admire their work by muting them.
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It just means I choose to stay grounded and stay in my own lane.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, that's a good point.
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Muting doesn't necessarily need to be about disconnection or not supporting.
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It's about just like focusing on your business, maintaining
3:02
alignment, and as you said.
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Staying in your own lane.
3:05
Amber Courtney: Exactly, and now when I see someone whose work that's absolutely
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beautiful, I try to view them as more of an expander instead of competition.
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So I don't so much worry about fighting for clients based on price anymore.
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Instead, I look at other people's talent who I really admire and think of them as.
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What I call an expander or if you've done any mindset work or, worked
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on those type of things, you may have heard that term before.
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I didn't make up that term.
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It's when you have someone in your life that really has a lot more than you,
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they've gotten farther than you, but you don't view it in a jealous kind of way.
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You view it in a way of like, oh, well they can do it.
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I can do it too.
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And it helps you expand and grow rather than focusing on the people who are
3:56
holding you back or they have less than or
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they're not charging very much.
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So you think, oh, I can't charge more than them.
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Instead, think about the people who they've grown, you know, they've
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done it, they make a lot per session, they make a really great profit.
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They've worked on their skills and they're super talented, and you
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let that have an expansion mindset.
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It's kind of like the glass half full or the, glass half empty mindset.
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So now instead of thinking of someone.
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In my area as competition.
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I'll think, oh, her work is stunning.
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I love it.
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I'm so inspired by it, but it's also different than mine, and that's okay.
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So her people will be drawn to her and my people will be drawn to me
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therefore, I don't have that jealousy feeling.
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It makes everything feel so much lighter and more supportive.
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There's room for all of us when we're being authentic and creating
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from who we are, not just trying to replicate someone else.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: I think that's so fascinating.
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I've never heard the term expander, but I think I actually do that a little
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bit too, which I'll get to in a minute.
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definitely go through phases where I struggle with comparison.
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Not so much from the business side of things anymore, but from the art side,
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because there's always gonna be people better than you out there, you know?
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Mm-hmm.
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, And I think.
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It's something that with social media, it's like constantly on the radar if
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we're not being intentional about, you know, our thoughts and actions,
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especially when going on Instagram.
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Usually, I feel that, , comparison trap when I'm not feeling
5:40
as inspired by my work.
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So the first thing I typically do when feeling this way.
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Is plan a styled session.
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This gives me something to look forward to, and it's an action step,
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so I always feel better taking things into my own hands and taking action.
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Another thing I do is simply spend less time on Instagram.
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I think it's really important to ask ourselves, okay, if I go on this app,
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what do I want to feel while on it?
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And after I'm on it, sometimes I can honestly answer, you know what?
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Now is not a good time for me to go on because I'm not feeling too great.
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So I don't think Instagram is going to make it better.
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I can kind of tell I'm in this fight or flight mode and I'm struggling to
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see the big picture of where I am, my business, my work, and the less
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time I spend on Instagram, the better I am able to see the big picture and
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appreciate others' work alongside my own.
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Or another thing I'll do is I'll go on Instagram, I post and that's
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Amber Courtney: Great.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: The biggest thing is just like not scrolling
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or swiping through stories, because that's how it starts for me.
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I actually rarely view other people's stories.
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Now I only view stories of some other kinds of creators or you know, people
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living in the French countryside.
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So I can just daydream.
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Amber Courtney: I absolutely love that.
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Sometimes I will go off Instagram and instead go onto Pinterest, because that's
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what you were talking about where you find inspiration and it's not necessarily
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attached to a certain person that's in your area that you feel, you know,
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a certain type of way about instead.
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Be inspired by things.
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So maybe going onto Pinterest and scrolling, like you said, French
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countryside photos or whatever type of artwork and jewelry you love.
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Other things that kind of create.
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That inspired feeling is going to bring you back to your center and help you
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come back to your brand and who you are.
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And then I also love that you talked about styled shoots I've talked about before.
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That's one of my favorite things to do in my business, to stay aligned in my brand
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and my creativity and my inspiration.
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So that's definitely something I love as well.
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Okay, next, let's.
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Talk about shifting from scarcity to abundance.
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Once your confidence builds, then the next shift.
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Is really moving into more of an abundance mindset to help you curtail
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some of those feelings of competition when you're looking at other people in
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your area or other people on Instagram.
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When we.
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Believe in our head that there aren't enough clients that the market's
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either too crowded or too scarce.
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We shrink ourselves, we lower our prices, we overdeliver, we lose our joy, and
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jealousy is really a low vibration Energy and abundance is a high vibration energy.
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So if instead.
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Of thinking about, oh, the market's too, this or that.
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Instead we think about, well, why not me be able to charge what these expanders
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charge or why can't it be me who grows my business to something incredible?
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That is thinking in an abundance and also realizing that everyone has their
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own clients that would be attracted to them, and that it's really not about.
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There not being enough clients.
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There's always enough clients out there, believe me, you guys, no matter
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where you live, and the more you raise your vibration to think of things in
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a really abundant way, the more things will start to be attracted to you.
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The more you can attract these amazing clients to you and more
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good things come to you in life.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Amber, we're gonna need to do an episode on
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energy because , as I've mentioned, I'm not a super woo woo person, but
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like, I totally believe in the power of it, and I love learning about it.
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So you're, we're going to do an episode where you, you teach me
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Amber Courtney: Maybe we'll bring on an actual expert.
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I've definitely studied a lot, but I think that would be a really great
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episode to bring on a guest speaker.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah.
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As I said, I don't know anything about it, but I totally believe it because I've
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experienced it, you know, when practicing things like affirmations, and there have
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been periods in my business where I have felt that scarcity and that desperation
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to book the next potential client.
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And whenever I'm feeling.
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that desperation I don't book.
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Whereas when I have those feelings of abundance, I do.
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So there really is something scientific there that I would
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love to explore at some point.
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So I was going to add on that.
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I do use this expander mindset.
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I didn't know that's what it was called, but another strategy I
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use is simply changing my mindset.
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To think that there is room for everyone.
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And I'm not really a muter on Instagram.
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I know this works for a lot of people, so I don't wanna discount that for me.
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I know that I need to address this feeling of insecurity and scarcity head on.
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So that saying.
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this person's work is beautiful and mine is too, and comment
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and like on these accounts.
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And I find for me that this almost releases that tension that
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my body is holding onto about
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Amber Courtney: I love that.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: I want.
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Yeah, I totally feel like this release when I lean into it.
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And I wanna say that you can be very helpful until you feel like
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you're in that abundance mindset.
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And something else you can do is you can mute accounts and then like if they're
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friends of yours, you can still support them by going to like and comment on their
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work when you're in a good place to do so.
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Amber Courtney: Exactly.
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Yes.
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And you have to Think to yourself, okay, scarcity is when you're saying,
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I have to take what I can get.
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Abundance is when you're saying to yourself.
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I attract what aligns with me when I stop trying to compete on price
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and focus instead on my own value, my own brand, my own experience.
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That's when I fill my calendar with tons of people who get me.
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And I love that you said you go and you still are super supportive and that
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is another part of good energetics is putting out good energy and positivity
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on the people's feeds that you may be feeling like that, but then once
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you said, once you put something positive and you hit like, comment,
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it actually is a release for you.
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'cause that's, that's good energy that you're going back and forth with.
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So I love that.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: So interesting.
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I wanna learn more.
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When we start collaborating instead of that competition, that competing
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feeling like we're up against each other, like during retreats
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and workshops, that energy shifts literally opens up doors for everyone.
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Amber Courtney: Yes.
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It's such a good reminder that when you celebrate other people's
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success, you call in your own.
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Okay.
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For this next part, we wanna go into what some of our followers said,
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some advice and tips that they had.
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Marie and I went on our Instagram the other day and we asked if you guys have
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experienced these feelings and what you have done to overcome them, and we
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got a lot of really great responses.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, a lot of you came up with so much wisdom, so
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we're gonna share a few of our favorites.
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Amber Courtney: Okay, Jana.
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She said, I would say if there are certain photographers, you find yourself comparing
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yourself to befriend them, reach out, grab coffee together, build community
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with these photographers you admire.
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Learn more about their story.
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It's.
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Cetera.
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Building community and befriending photographers has helped me so much
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with getting out of the comparison mindset because you realize behind
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those quote unquote perfect picks is usually just another amazing
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photographer who has a beautiful story to tell that could inspire you.
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So it sounds like genre.
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You are definitely using that expander mindset method.
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I love that.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, there's so much to be said for community.
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I am really close friends with two other newborn photographers
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in the DC area, and it has just.
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Changed the way I see the photographer community.
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I just feel so welcomed and we're in a safe space and we all support each other.
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So community can really do so much.
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Photo and Stephanie Nelson said they create more than they consume
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and plan a few of their own style shoots too, which I love.
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As we talked about, think that creating gives us so much energy, whereas
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always consuming can suck it away.
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Right.
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I also love what Chelsea Allegra said.
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She keeps a folder in her phone of all screenshots and messages from
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happy clients that she can access when she needs to, which can be very
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grounding and remind us to get out of our own heads and see the big picture.
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then a Zita photography said she tried to compare herself to where
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she was a year ago, and I love that.
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Celebrating your own growth.
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Amber Courtney: Ooh, I love that one too.
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Instead of comparing yourself to other people, think about
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how far you've come personally.
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That's a great one.
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Hannah of Kia Collective said, I totally know the feeling.
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I tried to put myself.
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In other photographer's shoes.
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So the people that are, are making her feel competitive
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or like she's not good enough.
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She tries to put herself in their shoes, um, but not overstep on, on their feet.
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She said, just trying to learn from them and how they handled their
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clients and their business and let it be an inspiration to her.
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She said, I loved where these people were going, but I didn't.
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I want to copy.
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I wanted to be my own person and feel like I'm doing things, inspired
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by them, but in my own way, and then I learned my own rhythm.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: These are such beautiful reminders
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that we're all in this together.
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Everyone goes through it.
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Everyone feels that comparison, trap and comparison thrives in silence.
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So when we talk about it openly, we realize how universal it is and how
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much power we gain by naming it.
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Amber Courtney: That leads me into this next point.
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Curating your feed.
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If social media isn't inspiring you, time to shift it.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, as I mentioned, I view stories that
17:03
are inspiring to me, so I am very intentional about what I view.
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I rarely follow or I rarely view my.
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Friends stories or other photographer stories, if I know something
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big is going on in their life.
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I try to, but I follow a lot of artist accounts, people renovating old homes,
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people living in Scotland or France, and I feel inspired and good seeing
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the, these stories I'm thinking about how I want to feel during and after.
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So it's definitely an intentional decision that has a positive outcome.
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Amber Courtney: Yeah, exactly.
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And like I mentioned before, it doesn't always have to be through Instagram.
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It can be Pinterest or Google or whatever to start creating folders of inspiration
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for creativity and to focus on that instead of what other people are doing.
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So I love having boards full of artwork and they may be old
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countryside, like Marie and I have some similar inspirations.
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I think like the really.
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Old fashioned European cottages with a flower garden and a mother
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with a linen dress, just walking through and collecting flowers.
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Something like that brings me back to my center and helps
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me find my inspiration again.
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And that reminds me of another quote.
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That one of my followers, Abby Tran said, and she said that actually creating styled
18:26
shoots helps her feel a lot better and helps her get over imposter syndrome.
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She said, I definitely feel imposter syndrome from time to time, especially
18:36
when I start comparing my work or pricing to other photographers.
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When that happens, I like to plan a model call.
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Where I have full creative control over every detail, it always helps
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me reconnect with my creativity and remember why I love doing this.
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And funny enough, those model call sessions usually end up being the ones
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that get the most attention online too.
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Exactly.
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I love that, Abby.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, taking that action, you know, I'm sure that's
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positive energy, right amber, and feeling inspired, you'll create from
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authenticity, not imitation, not like that struggle to keep up in the rat race.
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You start creating from your soul again and feeling energized.
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Amber Courtney: Exactly.
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Inspiration expands you and comparison contracts you.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: And we can't talk about comparison without
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talking about imposter syndrome.
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The voice that says, who am I to charge that much or I'm
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not as talented as she is.
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And something I've learned is that imposter syndrome never quite goes away.
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You basically never.
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Quote, make it unless you decide you've made it.
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And I think a lot of imposter syndrome also has to do with being a woman.
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I think a lot of men come across so confident.
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Women have only been in the workforce for a few generations, whereas men have
20:07
been in the workforce for centuries.
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I think that a lot of women are more likely to admit when they don't
20:15
know something, or there is a gap in their knowledge, and instead of
20:20
acknowledging that for what it is.
20:22
That there's more to learn.
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They take it all the way to the opposite direction of, I shouldn't be doing this.
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I'm not qualified.
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of focusing on what they do know and embracing the idea that it's
20:35
important to always be learning.
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Amber Courtney: That's so true.
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As women, we definitely have to actively work on this a lot to make
20:43
sure that we're not limiting ourselves.
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So it's kind of like when I first raised my prices.
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And I had that panic.
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I know everyone else has felt this at at some point, and I thought, what
20:56
if no one books, you know, because I raised my prices quite a bit when
21:00
I jumped from 500 to 800, and that imposter syndrome definitely showed up.
21:07
But I want you guys to remember when you're expanding and imposter
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syndrome does show up, that's a sign of growth, not failure.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, exactly.
21:18
It's your brain saying, oh, this is a new place.
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We've never been here before.
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That's not a no, that's not a stop.
21:25
It's an invitation to rise and to grow.
21:29
Amber Courtney: Yes.
21:30
I tell students all the time, fear is the ticket price for your next level.
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Instead of asking, who am I to do this?
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Ask, why not me?
21:42
Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, and if you're someone who needs like concrete
21:44
evidence, which I totally get it exists.
21:47
Client testimonials, repeat bookings kind words.
21:51
Keep a little proof folder for those moments when that
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imposter voice gets loud.
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Amber Courtney: Yes, because the truth is successful people don't have less fear.
22:02
They've just learned not to let that fear drive the car and get in their way.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Mm-hmm.
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Yep.
22:10
just to recap, confidence, abundance, inspiration, self-belief, those are
22:15
all super helpful for breaking free from comparison and imposter syndrome.
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Amber Courtney: Yes.
22:22
When you know your worth, believe there's enough for everyone
22:25
and quiet that imposter voice, your energy completely changes.
22:30
You start attracting the dream.
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Clients who value your art.
22:33
And your heart.
22:34
So if you've been caught in the comparison game, take this as your reminder.
22:38
There's only one you, your story, your art, and your light
22:42
are completely irreplaceable.
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Before we wrap up, I wanna leave you guys with a little energy reset.
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We can always, use that from time to time, right?
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Something you can come back to whenever you start feeling comparison or scarcity.
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Sneak in.
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And if you want to take this even deeper, spend a few quiet minutes
23:04
journaling with these prompts.
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Number one, what does the most abundant version of me believe about
23:12
her art, her worth, and her clients?
23:18
Number two, where am I still playing small because of comparison or fear?
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Number three, how would my energy, my marketing, and my pricing
23:28
shift if I fully embodied that abundant version of myself today?
23:34
Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, it's so important to face these questions
23:38
head on because you are accessing like these deep, deep feelings.
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So you start to rewire how you think about your business and yourself.
23:47
You move from.
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Hustling for validation to creating from confidence and trusting yourself.
23:56
Amber Courtney: And that's when things really start to flow, right?
23:58
Opportunities show up.
24:00
Clients connect more deeply, and your creativity expands because you're
24:04
finally leading from your highest energy.
24:07
Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Yeah, and that's what true abundance feels like.
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It's calm, it's intentional, and deeply aligned.
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Amber Courtney: So take this as your reminder.
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You're not behind.
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You are expanding.
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Keep anchoring into gratitude, trust, and alignment, and watch how your
24:24
energy and your results begin to shift.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: That's where the magic and the legacy began.
24:29
Amber Courtney: If this episode spoke to you, share your biggest
24:32
takeaway or journal reflection on Instagram and tag us.
24:36
We love Senior Energy and Growth come to life.
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We'll see you next week for another episode of Luxe and Legacy.
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Marie Crenwelge Tilkens: Create from your heart, not from your fear.
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We'll see you next time.
24:48
I am Marie.
24:49
Amber Courtney: And I'm Amber.
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Thanks for listening you guys.
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Bye.