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E76: Stop Saying "I Forgot" - Young Parents Guide To Decision Making · The Junto Podcast

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Hello, America. Welcome to the Junto podcast, where we promote the practical
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applications of critical thinking and bold creativity.
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I'm your host, Edgar Mills. Thank you for joining.
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Hello, America. Welcome back. I think we're on episode 76. I appreciate you
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guys for staying for all these episodes.
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I heard a thing that most new podcasts or most young podcasts don't go beyond eight episodes.
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So based on that metric, I'm feeling pretty strong,
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based on that metric. So anyway, yeah, I think we're at 76.
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So yeah, anyway, So welcome back. Today, you know, oftentimes I have like an
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inspiration for a podcast, like something will strike me and I'm like,
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oh man, that'll be a great topic.
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And then, or other times I'll read a story here and there, a new story or something
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that's, that's pretty interesting.
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And then sometimes topics are thrust upon me.
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Yeah unwilling against my will this is one of those topics.
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So today we're talking about something that well a lot of,
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sort of young parents young adult parents and i'm not talking about teen parents
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i mean 30s do you know what i mean like 20s and 30s You're still young.
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You're still dealing with some maturity issues.
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But you still pay the cost for poor decision-making still.
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You can be young and immature and whatnot, but there's a cost that comes with it.
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So today we're going to talk about those decision-making skills,
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and not in a chastising way, but in a how to improve and like methods and tools to improve.
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Because these decisions that you make, every decision you make,
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it ripples out. You know, like a drop in the serene lake, the waves ripple out.
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There's a second, third order effect.
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They have an effect on something beyond you.
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And that's something that not only you need to understand, but,
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I mean, take into account.
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And it needs to be a consideration every time, every decision.
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Now, yeah, there are some, what are we eating for dinner tonight versus,
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you know, how do we discipline our children?
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I get it. There's different types of decisions to be made, but every single
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one of them has an effect.
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So, you know, imagine this young parent standing in the kitchen,
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you know, at 0640 in the a.m.
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Shuffling around with half empty school backpacks and kids can't find shoes.
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And you got permission slips that are wadded up in the bottom of the school
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bag that should have been signed friggin days ago.
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That's a common occurrence, and it doesn't need to be.
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Or you got baseball practice starting in, let's say, 40 minutes.
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And not a kid in sight, equipment spread about, oh, it's in the bag,
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where's the bag at? I don't know. Where's your water at? I don't know.
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Things in baseball practice, right, happens.
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It happens. We know it's going to happen. It's on a schedule.
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Yet we're ill-prepared for it.
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Why are you ill-prepared? Is it, well, laziness?
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Is that what it is? You're too lazy just to get up and make the things happen that need to happen?
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Is it that you just don't care about what's going on?
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You've lost interest in your own life? Is it because you're selfish?
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And if it don't directly affect your happiness, it's just not important to you.
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I don't know. Maybe not. Probably not. But for whatever reason that you get
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overwhelmed with daily life, the fact is you're overwhelmed with daily life.
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And if you're one of the people out there experiencing that where everything's
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a frantic, chaotic, frigging movement.
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Even the most routine day is filled with chaos,
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that one that's stressful that's very stressful to live in chaos then you don't
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have to live in chaos but yeah you're overwhelmed you're overwhelmed with life.
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That's it. Come on, man.
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And how are you overwhelmed? Well, the sheer volume of decisions that have to be made is,
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in a given day is, well, that's a, it's a lot.
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Daily life requires a lot of decisions. They're not all on autopilot.
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There are a lot of decisions that can be put on autopilot, but there are a lot that aren't.
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So what we got to do is make habitual the things that are, that should be autopilot.
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We have to structure those so that they are, so that they don't require thought or deep thought.
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Some things need to just be understood because when you're overwhelmed with
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all these little decisions and everything's chaotic, you lose perspective.
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You certainly lose perspective. You lose the ability to see the big picture
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from above and everything's just right here in your face.
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And that feels crowded. That feels, it causes angst and stress.
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Your perspective shrinks everything feels urgent and nothing is put in its proper
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prioritized order there is no prioritized order.
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So yeah the result is chaos last minute chaos and everyone involved in that
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chaos kids your spouse extended family teachers coaches is,
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when you live in that chaos, everybody else has to pick up a slack,
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because there's slack created.
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And your lack of perspective, your inability to prioritize has created a burden
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on everyone around you, worst of which is the kids.
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So the first thing you have to realize as this young parent.
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Is it, and this is true, this is a truth that you have to realize.
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Your decisions are not private. They're your decisions and they're yours to
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make, but they are not private.
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They have effect on other people.
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Therefore, they're not private. They're not in a vacuum. They're not exclusive
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to you and your kid or your husband or wife.
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They affect other people.
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And if you continually fail to see how your decisions land on other people,
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specifically family members, then trust is,
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any trust that did exist starts to get chipped away because you can't be trusted to do basic things.
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And then the questions start coming, and then you start getting offended because,
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well, how did you do this? Why did you do that?
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And you're offended because, well, that's my decision to make.
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Yeah, but your decision affects someone else.
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And what is that showing? What is that modeling for your kids?
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Well, they're learning how not to be committed, right?
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Because your inability to commit to a schedule, yeah, to commit to a routine,
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that shows them that commitment doesn't matter.
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Or it's just, well, if I remember. No, that's not commitment.
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And then, well, yeah, your spouse may start to have to pick up slack.
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And then that sort of creates some friction and marital strife alone.
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Yeah, marital strife thrives on chaos. So if you're out there and your marriage
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is in a shambles, look and see, like, do we have a good solid routine in our
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life? Or are we living in chaos?
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Chances are you're living in chaos.
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If you're a young couple. Now, that's probably the opposite is true for old couples.
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You probably have a routine locked in, unchangeable, and it's just worn away
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at the excitement and the love or whatever.
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So that's probably the opposite for older people. I'm specifically addressing,
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young couples with children and whatnot.
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And some of that chaos might be because, well, you might have an imbalance in
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your life, right? Let's say, let's say you got a single income family, one spouse's stay.
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With a bunch of kids, a bunch of activities, and it just gets overwhelming.
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I mean, that's legitimate. That is legitimate.
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But that's all the more reason for you to build a proper routine.
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We talked a lot about resentment in several episodes past, so I'm not going to dwell on that.
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But imagine now what I'm going to talk about is a little bit as the kids start
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to build resentment because their daily life, they're late to school.
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They're not prepared for field trips. They're not prepared for sports.
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They miss big events.
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And all this, I'll handle it later, I'll handle it later, turns into it didn't get handled.
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And the kids start to build some resentment toward parents, especially as they
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start to realize that you're the one that dropped the ball.
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You can gaslight your kids all you want, but at some point they're going to
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realize that, like, man.
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That was not me you dropped the ball routine man what about sunday morning going
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to church are you late to church every sunday,
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everything is a rush you get up i slept late oh or i forgot if you go to church
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every sunday you forget the church happens every sunday hell there's atheists
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out there that know good and well church happens every sunday.
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Oh, I forgot. I forgot to set my alarm. I forgot. I forgot we had a game today.
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I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. If you forget, if your answer to everything is
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I forgot, there's a deeper question.
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There's a much deeper question.
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And on the people who are on the other end of that decision,
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they have to wonder, do you even recognize that they exist?
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Do you even recognize that they are a factor?
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Do you even recognize that they have to struggle to keep up with your chaos?
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So instead of taking people who are support structure for you,
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it turns into like dual survival.
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And there's no joy in that. Survival mode, there's no joy in it. You need to find the joy.
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And I'm going to say there is a little joy in routine. Look,
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some people think routine is boring. I was a rambler when I was young.
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Was a rambler when I was young. Even in the army, even in the routine of the
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army, in my free time, I was a rambler.
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But that puts stress on everybody around you.
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And that's true. So there's all that. I forgot, I forgot. Chaos.
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My life's chaos. I have no routine.
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So what is that? Why? Well, that comes, all that, all the effects of that is
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compounded by your inability, well, to effectively plan.
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You have to plan your day. You can't just let your day organically happen.
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Now look, on a Saturday, if you want Saturday to be the day that everything
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just flows, then let it be.
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But generally speaking, that ain't the case. People have school. People have work.
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Even on Saturday, breakfast, lunch, and dinner has to happen.
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Your meal plan should not be a surprise to you.
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Dinner time, you know, it may shift by 30 minutes, 45 minutes, one way or the other.
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But it's not a surprise. We know dinner's coming. We know it's got to happen.
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So the inability to to plan never mind your day never mind planning two or three
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days in advance or a week out oh no you can't even plan your day.
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But life, everyday life, is full of known fixed points, things that must happen.
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Kids have to be on the bus at this time. They have to be picked up at this time.
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They need to get sent off with a snack. They eat lunch at school.
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They need to come home and there needs to be dinner at a certain time.
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And I'm going to go ahead and tell you, I think routine for young people is the best thing.
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Stability kids need structure whether they want it or not they need it and believe
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it or not that makes it easier for
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you if you provide that structure that minimizes the chaos in the house,
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ball practice happens work schedule happens supper time happens bedtime happens every day,
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So if those come as a surprise to you at any given time, you're ill-prepared.
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You're not prepared for adult life.
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I got a bunch of examples. I'm just going to skip over the examples, man.
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Don't let those things in your life be a surprise to you. I forgot. Don't forget.
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We'll get to it. There's ways not to forget. We'll get to it.
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Attention to detail young people is not it doesn't mean you live in a state
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of perfection nobody expects perfection out of you it's unattainable you can't
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live in a state of perfection,
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but you can pay attention to details,
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that attention to details shows just a simple basic respect for everybody involved in the dynamic,
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and for the commitments that you already have on the dang calendar for the ones
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that come at the the ones that aren't on the counter that happen every day.
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A basic respect as what it is. And without that attention to detail, your life is frantic.
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You live in a frantic, constant state of reaction. You react to everything.
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And then, depending on your personality, you react in a very emotional way,
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like you're being attacked, for instance.
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If you forgot an event was going to happen, or you send your kid off ill-prepared
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for a thing you can't get upset when somebody goes why did this happen,
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it's not an attack on you it's a question why i forgot,
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shape your life so that you can be proactive,
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quell the chaos and let life happen at your chosen speed don't react constantly,
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i forgot i forgot All right. Let me go ahead and be crystal clear.
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And this probably goes through the professional world. It goes through family life.
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It goes through sports. It goes through everything. I forgot is not an acceptable answer.
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Nope because forgetting i'll tell you unless you've got some kind of traumatic
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brain injury or early onset alzheimer's.
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Being forgetful is not a neutral event it's a tangible result of a failure of
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you to prioritize events in your life,
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prioritize what's important instead of prioritizing what's on your damn phone,
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i forgot just shifts the burden from you to someone else and that's the tool
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that's what it's for that's what it does all it does is shifts burden but it
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doesn't shift responsibility so you you just came up short,
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you know i i forgot you should everybody out there listening to this you should
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erase that from your lexicon,
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because like i said it's not not a neutral event it's a subtle form of,
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disregard it's a subtle form of abandonment it's a subtle way to show that you don't care enough.
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And look here's the thing about it especially when you're young,
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feel like an honest answer to
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you in the moment. It might feel genuine and like, yeah, oh man, I forgot.
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But it's not a valid explanation that offers any productive answers.
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It doesn't help anyone grow or understand the fail point.
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And this is not the same as the blame game. But when you drop the ball,
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you should accept your own blame. You put the blame on yourself.
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That's what you should do.
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Instead of saying, I forgot and trying to leave it at that. Because everybody
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around you is like, well, okay, well, I guess F me then.
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What's the alternative to I forgot? Yeah.
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The only acceptable response takes ownership. That's what.
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I'm sorry. You know, I didn't plan for it. I dropped the ball.
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And here's what I'll do to fix it, to make sure it doesn't happen again.
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That's where sincerity is right there.
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When you forget once, twice, three times, you've maxed, you've maxed out.
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If you don't take steps to fix it then you didn't forget you just don't care,
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the way you show that you care about a thing is to make sure you don't forget
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again or you care about someone that you don't constantly shift the burden because you forgot,
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okay man i'm i didn't mean to be this what's the word i'm looking for anyway But.
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Being overwhelmed is real. Even me, I get overwhelmed at times.
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Now, how you deal with it, that's the art right there. But people do get overwhelmed.
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There are events that happen unplanned.
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I'm saying make a routine out of your daily life, but there's always externals.
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We have what we control, and then there's the world around us that we do not.
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So it's a very real thing, being overwhelmed.
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And it puts demands on you of your time and money and space,
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and all those demands can be very heavy.
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And I know this. I know this.
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But the inability to put things in perspective, it turns that temporary pressure,
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because it is temporary,
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it turns what would be temporary pressure into just chronic chaos.
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Yeah, it's too much. The chaos is too much.
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The overwhelming pressure is not too much. The chaos is too much.
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If your life is in a constant state of disarray, that's far more hurtful than
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the temporary pressures that get put on you by externals.
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If your life is rock solid, your daily life, then the external surprises,
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the external pressures, the external demands, those are manageable.
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They may, in your mind, they seem like, oh my God, this is so much.
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Two days later, it's done.
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Whereas the chaos just remains.
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Feel like every task, everything that happens to you has the same level of,
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it's all the same size of angst,
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well, then you start to misprioritize the really important things versus the unimportant things.
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And the really important things like your family rhythm, being a good role model,
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modeling responsibility and reliability to your children. Reliability.
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Modeling reliability to your children.
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Protecting your marriage from external sources.
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Yeah, like booze or dalliances. The important things get buried under the little chaotic bullshit.
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Those important things need to be brought to the top. Otherwise,
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what? The cycle continues.
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Poor planning, your inability to plan even the most routine of routine days,
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and having zero attention to detail just creates more crisis,
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just creates more chaos.
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More chaos just creates an exaggerated sense of overload and marital tension.
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It puts tension on your marriage to live in chaos. And then your lack of deliberate
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decision-making skills just gets solidified.
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And your life goes on and decisions are made off emotion instead of a decision-making process.
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You don't have to be a frigging CEO to have a decision-making process.
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You don't have to be an officer in the army to do the military decision-making process.
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Every human, we all have a decision-making process, whether we've identified it or not.
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And we all, there's any level of efficiency in that process.
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We have one. Some of them are just flawed. Some of them are founded on the wrong things.
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Emotion usually And that's the wrong thing to base your decision making on,
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Lord. All right. There's good news here.
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There's good news. We can disrupt this pattern of chaos.
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We can actually build a good routine in our life with some practice,
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a little bit of practice and a little bit of effort.
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If you're willing, if you're willing to fix your life, well,
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there's nothing wrong with my life. Well, if you live in constant chaos,
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there's something wrong.
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You must be willing to correct course. And don't not correct course out of spite,
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for your spouse or your father-in-law or whatever.
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Correct course for yourself and your family.
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And so, I believe in practical application, critical thinking and bold creativity.
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I believe in practical application. How in our daily lives can we apply things,
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to help us with a better decision-making and planning process?
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And you can take this and start today, right now. Now, you can take these little
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things here I'm about to deliver, make a little outline, write it down.
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Oh, shit, I can do this. I can do this.
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And there will be some resistance to order from your children,
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maybe even from your spouse.
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But once that routine starts to smooth out and everybody sees how life has become
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a little easier and there's a little more elbow, somehow it seems like we have more time to do things.
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Oh man, once you start to feel the results of these changes,
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you'll wonder why it took you so long to get there.
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One, I'm taking a book from Nathan Hicks. I'm taking a tactic from Nathan Hicks. I'm making a list.
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So, write this list down. Number one.
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Every evening, do a 10-minute recap of the day.
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Yeah, deliberate, sit quietly together with your spouse, maybe even your kids.
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And 10 uninterrupted minutes to write down the things that need to be addressed
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within the next 48 hours.
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In the next two days, these things have to happen.
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Whether it's signing permission slips, we got baseball practice,
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we got, well, what are we going to eat for dinner?
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You don't have to meticulously plan your menu.
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But like okay well because we have this event dinner is going to be a little
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later or because we have this event we're going to eat earlier so yeah meals,
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any doctors or lawyers appointments,
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does laundry have to happen within the next two days do you have your laundry
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on a cycle are you just a house full of dirty ass clothes laying all over the place,
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And you can even plan time for you and your spouse to sit and have the quiet time.
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The quiet time. Get your minds out of the gutter where you can actually discuss life without the kids.
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Shit out of your head and get it down on paper so that you can look at read it and go oh oh shit,
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put your little square block next to it so you can check it off when it's done,
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this will give you some perspective this will give you a removed bird's eye
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view of here's what's got to happen,
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and then you can put it in whatever order you want and then stick to it man,
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it brings to light all these little chaotic things happening in a day that you
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don't have visibility on just because you're stuck and you're focused on the,
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the thing right now it opens that up to where you can look back and,
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okay these are things these are the things that are important,
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and be honest about you know and be be thorough about what's okay this has to happen,
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and then yeah make that happen.
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Okay. So that's your 10 minute recap every day.
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So number one, 10 minute recap parentheses, nighttime, evening.
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Number two, top three. So of those things you wrote down,
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you're going to go in there and find the three that you think are the most important
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things that are no fail, no fail.
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This must happen.
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This must happen.
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Like let's say dinner, for instance, dinner must happen. Sure.
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But it's flexible, right? You can slide that left to right.
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But school is not flexible.
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The school bus time does not change. They're there or they're not.
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The bus comes and goes See what I mean? So that's a no-fail Dinner is a slider.
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So go on and circle your top three most important things that must happen in the next 48 hours.
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And then protect those things. Make your day revolve around those things.
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That don't have to be your whole day, by the way.
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You can't not, you can do other things, but you need to have these things in
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mind. There needs to be alarms on your phone.
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When you get your little alert, boom, boom, boom. Oh, yeah, I got to go do this.
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Boom, done. Knock it out. Check it off the block.
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Now you got two priorities you got to keep up with this is functional ways to
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do these things folks doing this will help you feel not over it'll it'll get
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rid of this overwhelming pressure,
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and it'll just be a little like okay task i gotta do it no big deal don't get
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wrapped up in other side shit.
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Do what's the priority.
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All right. So we had the 10 minute recap. Then we had the top three.
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And now we got the 10 minute look ahead.
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The same as as the first one except this happens in the morning time,
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in the 10 minute recap of the day and the 10 minute look ahead that you did,
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on number one at night in the morning time you're getting a fresh look at that,
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and this ain't it's this ain't necessarily a 10 minute sit this is just like
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okay here's my list there's my top three things i've got circled what do i need
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to do to prepare for, do I, do I got to do any,
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any implied tasks, right?
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Well, okay. The kid's got practice today, so I got to make sure the baseball
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pants are clean or whatever.
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All right. Whatever your top three are, make sure all the supporting tasks,
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this is your time to go, okay, I got to do this, got to do that.
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All right. That's it. And if there's any questions like, oh man,
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how am I going to accomplish?
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Write that question down and then start to solving it.
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So you got your, your 10 minutes, sort of 48 hours ahead.
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You got your top three priorities. Then you got your quick in the morning look today, look ahead.
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Well, two days ahead, but like what's, what's subtask do I need to start working on right now?
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So that's number three. And number four is your impact check.
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This is you checking yourself to what impact your decisions are having.
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So don't immediately, if the school calls and says, hey, your kid's sick,
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you need to come pick him up.
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That don't mean you jump through your ass to jump in the vehicle and go pick him up.
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Just stop for a sec. You're like, okay, I got it. How does that?
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So this become a priority, right? It became a priority.
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Then you figure out, well, how is this going to impact everything else?
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Then there's how is this going to impact it? Or is there anybody else's effects, right?
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If you got some overlapping priorities and there's only you and only you and
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you need somebody else to help,
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you can either call an asset give that person the whole picture and and and
34:21
let them help you figure that problem out or you can figure out that problem
34:26
by having the least impact on on the rest of your priorities,
34:30
figure out the impact of your decisions before you jump on that decision,
34:36
that's all just do an impact check and that's with every little decision and.
34:43
Four, and then number five, you do sort of a weekly recap and probably on a
34:50
Sunday, right? Probably or a Saturday.
34:53
And you spend, you know, 20 or 30 minutes, whole family looking at the calendar,
35:00
see what's coming up for the next week, what prep can be done,
35:06
what prep should be done.
35:08
You know, even if, you know, there was a time when I was a young kid,
35:12
like in elementary school, and I don't know if my mom taught me this or who
35:16
would, but, you know, I would kind of lay out my, I would hang my clothes up
35:20
in my closet by the days that I was going to wear them.
35:25
Is that crazy for an elementary school kid? Maybe.
35:29
But for a mom doing that for your elementary school kids, it's not crazy.
35:33
Have the clothes, have them laid out, have them ready.
35:37
Have them clean and ready to go, you know?
35:42
Write out your grocery list. Now, we have a running grocery list around our
35:45
house. We just write it down on the fridge as the day goes by.
35:50
And then every few days, I'll just run to the grocery store.
35:52
We do it European style these days.
35:55
Or every couple days, just run by.
36:01
But in this weekly recap, we
36:05
have to prioritize consistency and we have to prioritize, well, routine.
36:11
And then that stuff starts to compound and it starts to make things a little less tedious.
36:17
The more prepared you are ahead of time, the less energy is spent executing
36:24
the task and then recovering from the task. Okay.
36:30
That are had about the task,
36:35
the less tongue-lashing you get from the other people that you've brought into your madness.
36:42
All right, so we got the 10-minute daily capture that happens at night.
36:49
Capture what happens in the next 48 hours, what must happen.
36:54
Then we got the top three.
36:57
That's top three priorities from that 10-minute daily capture,
37:01
from number one, number two, top three priorities.
37:07
Number three is the morning 48-hour look ahead.
37:12
Get those priorities refreshed in your mind. Figure out what your prep is to make those happen.
37:18
Number four is impact. Check your impact. What impact will this decision have
37:24
on all the people involved?
37:26
What impact will it have on me?
37:30
Will this push this rack? Can I wait five minutes? it's cannot.
37:36
It's not procrastination it's just trying to be efficient in your planning impact
37:41
check and then finally number five is your weekly reset,
37:46
sit down together and look at the next week yeah that's it that'll make life,
37:53
that'll make life well it'll it'll make life smoother for sure.
37:59
It'll make life operate a smoother way.
38:05
And look, I already said it. Things happen. Externals happen all the time.
38:12
Your routine should be bomb-proof, but it also should be, well,
38:18
it should be able to take a hit, right?
38:20
There are surprises that are going to pop up or emergencies,
38:24
or even opportunities might pop up to where, well, this is really good,
38:30
this right here, and then this takes priority over this.
38:33
Okay, let's scratch this. Let's go do that instead.
38:37
So it ain't all just catastrophic life events, right? Opportunities as well.
38:44
You can take advantage of them.
38:46
But if you do this list of what I just said, that'll help clear your thinking
38:51
up that'll help sort of bring all the chaos into a little tighter package there
38:57
and you can you can think these problems up.
39:01
You can make this a habit, the more you do it, the more habitual it becomes,
39:06
the less it seems like you're doing anything out of the ordinary.
39:10
And what these things do, these habits that I just said, these five things,
39:16
this takes the emotion out of the decision-making process.
39:20
That's, it's bad. And I'm not being a cold-hearted dude here.
39:25
Using emotion to make decisions is not good.
39:30
Emotions change. They're subject to any number of things.
39:35
Hell, if it's gloomy outside, I feel depressed and I want to lay on the couch and take a nap.
39:43
I can't make decisions based on that, right?
39:48
So these things coming up here, these are going to help you for sure mitigate
39:54
the emotional effects and just focus on the things important.
40:01
You have to be able to name the problem. You can't be in denial about a thing.
40:08
Name the problem. When something goes wrong, check this out.
40:13
Take a breath, write down one sentence that says what that problem was.
40:21
And I mean the factual problem.
40:24
All right. And here's an example. The permission slip was not signed.
40:31
And because the permission slip wasn't signed, your kid didn't get to go to the field trip. Okay.
40:35
All right. That's clear, right? That's a clear. The problem was the permission slip was not signed.
40:41
You can't write, don't write down. Well, so-and-so didn't tell me or so-and-so
40:47
didn't show me the permission slip until the night before.
40:51
And then blah, blah, blah, blah. That's not the problem. The problem is the
40:54
permission slip didn't get signed.
40:57
That's how you accurately name a problem without inputting any of the other
41:02
emotional aspects of it.
41:06
Up with solutions. All right. So you name the problem, factually name the problem, not emotionally.
41:14
And then you generate, I'm a man. Hey, three courses of action,
41:17
man. That's the way I do things.
41:19
Three courses of action. So you come up with three options and they need to
41:23
be three different distinct options, but force yourself to come up with three
41:27
different distinct options.
41:29
Even, even if it's imperfect option and in your mind, you know,
41:32
well, this is still, you need some comparison something for comparison sake,
41:39
and that gets you out of this you know either do it now or ignore it forever,
41:45
you have more more options than that,
41:49
and then you run a simple little uh well impact check.
41:54
If i do this option what's most likely to happen yeah,
42:01
and not only what's most likely to happen but what's the immediate result and
42:06
how does this result look two or three days from now,
42:11
there you go a little impact check that that if you start doing the building
42:18
in this impact check into the way you do things that forces you to look,
42:23
two hours down the road two days down the road two weeks down the road,
42:28
and put a little critical thought in there like okay this is how how it could impact,
42:34
and that gets rid of this emotional stuff and then that when you start to look
42:38
ahead like that that that gets rid of this i forgot bullshit,
42:44
so factually name the problem come up with three courses of action of how we're
42:50
going to correct that problem and.
42:54
Impact check to see how that any of those courses of action are going to look,
43:00
in the immediate future in the mid and long term.
43:04
And then do a little after action review, a little debrief.
43:08
Anytime there's some friction in life, right? If there's an argument at home
43:12
or something happened, the kid missed a doctor's appointment or whatever.
43:17
Yeah, you do these things and then you go and do your little debrief and figure
43:21
out, well, what details were missed and figure out, well, what's going to create tension.
43:28
Like we missed something, right? So let, we're not going to start blame gaming each other.
43:33
We're just going to figure out how and why.
43:36
And we're going to, and that's just a calm. That's not, nobody's blaming anybody.
43:42
Nobody's doing anything. We're just figuring out exactly what happened,
43:47
where the system failed, our system, right, that we're building,
43:51
and how can we change that?
43:55
And what that's done, if you and your spouse sit there, and even with the kids
43:58
even, you've done an exercise in sort of joint problem solving.
44:04
And that right there, that will build bonds.
44:07
That will build bonds right there, if you do exercise in joint problem solving,
44:13
especially if the kids feel like they've had a hand in solving a problem.
44:17
You have no idea the impact that that can have.
44:21
And then finally.
44:24
If there's a decision that needs to be made that's not an urgent decision, sit on it.
44:31
I'm not saying procrastinate. I'm saying sleep on a thing.
44:35
You don't have to immediately say yes or no to any and everything.
44:41
So if it's not an urgent decision, you know, sleep on it. Give it time.
44:49
How will this affect us yeah because i'll tell you sleep will work wonders for
44:57
your clarity when you re-look at a problem the next day,
45:01
hell i even do that with if i'm coming if i'm trying to do some art like or
45:05
an ad or something and i kind of i did this and i think okay this is pretty
45:09
good but there's something i
45:10
don't like next day i'll come back look at it and it's suddenly so clear.
45:16
Yeah, just 24 hours will change things.
45:19
Don't make impulsive decisions if you don't have to. And look,
45:24
nothing I've said so far is anything crazy that it takes any wild level of education
45:31
or knowledge or skill to do.
45:34
These are fairly simple procedures here and require any elaborate system and
45:43
not even an insane amount of discipline, a little discipline.
45:48
But nothing crazy.
45:51
But what they do is they require you to treat your decisions,
45:59
your family, and the people who your decisions affect around you.
46:07
It just requires just a little basic consideration, a little basic consideration and respect.
46:13
And I'm telling you now, if you do these things over the course of three weeks,
46:18
a month, month and a half, two months, you're going to see your life just smooth out.
46:28
Start out with just the skill of short-term planning and then putting things in priority.
46:35
Some people have a very big problem with priorities they don't they're confused
46:41
about what's important learn to prioritize.
46:48
Impact. Understand your impact on those around you.
46:54
You have an impact on those around you, whether you see it or not.
46:59
And then as you start to apply these little critical thinking tools and these
47:04
little planning tools and these little prioritization tools to your life,
47:10
your perspective will change to where things that look like a big monster are
47:14
now just a little problem.
47:16
Because when you're overwhelmed, you can't see clearly.
47:21
But when you have these tools in place, all that overload loses any impact.
47:27
It's not really an overload at all.
47:31
And then, believe it or not, your marriage will start to smooth out because
47:35
the chaos is disappearing.
47:37
Now you guys can actually spend time to genuinely connect.
47:42
And then your kids start to see sort of consistency and reliability.
47:47
They can expect a thing to happen and that thing happen.
47:52
They're being proactive. They learn how to be proactive instead of reactive.
47:56
They're prepared for school instead of shuffling and scurrying around every morning.
48:05
They're prepared for practice. Even though I was outside playing,
48:09
I come inside, boom, grab my bag, grab my water, boom, gone.
48:13
They're prepared already. They don't have to scurry.
48:17
And I say this all the time, children need structure. There is safety and predictability.
48:24
Even for adults, there is safety and predictability. And what you need to understand is that.
48:35
Good decision-making ain't a personality trait.
48:40
These are skills to be learned. These are tools to be used.
48:45
Now, some people's personality is more conducive to it than others,
48:48
but it's not an inherent trait like, oh, I'm just a messy person.
48:54
I just make decisions in the moment. That's how I am. No, no, no.
48:59
That's a cop-out. That's not legitimate.
49:03
It's not a personality trait. It's not some innate gift that people have.
49:09
It's a developable skill.
49:11
And that skill comes from just a series of small actions done predictably,
49:17
done routinely until they become second nature, until they become habit.
49:23
You can do these things one little day at a time. Take it one day at a time.
49:29
Try these things out one day at a time. I'm going to recap because I I want
49:35
people to write this down.
49:39
Do a 10 minute, 48 hour look ahead.
49:44
What has to happen in the next two days? And then do the top three rule.
49:49
Circle the top three, no fail events that have to happen in the next 48 hours.
49:55
Those become your priorities.
49:58
Every morning, do a quick asthma check, a 48 hour look ahead.
50:04
Okay, here's all the things that have to happen in the next two days.
50:07
Here's the most important things.
50:09
What do I need to do to make these three most important things happen?
50:15
What preparation do I need?
50:17
That's number three. And number four, do a quick impact check.
50:23
How does this impact me, them, the people around me?
50:28
What can I do to minimize the impact or how can I employ these people to help
50:33
me accomplish a MISH. Impact check.
50:38
And then every Saturday or Sunday, once a week, whatever your schedule life
50:42
looks like, do the reset, do the recap with the family, with the calendar.
50:48
Sit down, look at it and figure out what the next week looks like.
50:53
Major events for the next week. And then in your daily, in your every 48,
50:58
you can, you look and go, okay, okay, okay.
51:01
Detail those down in your 48-hour look-aheads.
51:04
But in your weekly reset, look at the whole week. Okay.
51:11
That's how you can plan. And then prioritizing things, because planning and
51:17
prioritizing, those are the important things here we're talking about.
51:22
Name the problem for what it is. Be honest about it and without emotion.
51:29
Then generate three options to solve that problem.
51:34
Unemotionally, practically, three separate distinct courses of action of how
51:39
we can solve this problem.
51:42
And then do a little impact check on each course of action.
51:46
How does this affect everybody in the picture, et cetera, et cetera.
51:52
And then make decisions based off that or adjust your course of action based off that.
51:57
And then do after action anytime there's an event or some kind of fail point,
52:03
some friction, do an after action review dispassionately.
52:08
Dang, what actually happened? factually happen?
52:14
Where did it get missed? At what point did it get missed? How can we fix our
52:18
system so that it don't happen again?
52:23
And then the next final thing, practice 24-hour sleep on it rule for decisions
52:30
that don't require an immediate answer.
52:33
Sleep on it. Do a 24-hour sleep on it.
52:37
And you'll get a whole new perspective the next day.
52:41
Those things, young people, this is for young people out there,
52:46
or just people who are living in chaos, who are just sick of it because it's exhausting.
52:51
Chaos is exhausting.
52:53
It's exhausting.
52:57
Like that. And look, if you're a single girl or guy and you don't have children
53:03
or you don't, you live alone and you, you know, you just like,
53:08
you roll the dice and see what happens today. Good on you, man.
53:12
Or if you're some kind of, I don't know, social media whiz content creator,
53:18
and you don't even have a real job, you just post pictures of your feet and,
53:23
then carry on on your day, living your life, right on.
53:27
Your impact on other people is probably fairly minimal.
53:31
But when you're married, now you have a partner. And furthermore,
53:35
when you have children, you have a partner and you have an obligation.
53:40
You have an obligation to your partner, but you have an obligation like no other to your children.
53:46
So take that obligation seriously and be aware of how your decision-making or
53:53
your lack of it impacts your children.
53:57
Be mindful of it and care about it. Now, at the end of the day,
54:01
if you just don't care, this whole episode has been for naught.
54:06
If you just don't care, you need to reevaluate your life, figure out what you
54:10
do care about, and then let everybody else know so we can act accordingly.
54:16
All right damn people apologize it was maybe a little dark and it didn't need
54:21
to be it was meant to be productive i think those are very practical things what i laid out there.
54:28
So yeah thanks for listening to this take it in take it in,
54:35
take on it.
54:39
Osprey shooting solutions.com. That is the hub.
54:43
Two team guys.com is getting, is, is coming down on one September.
54:48
The silo FTC.com is coming down one September.
54:52
Those things no longer exist in, in those, in those names.
54:57
Yes, we are still trying to build a range.
55:01
All that will be trackable on the Osprey website.
55:06
Yes, we are still doing all the two team guys courses. We're just doing them
55:10
under Osprey Shooting Solutions on the website.
55:13
So that all the things still exist. We can still do all the things that we do.
55:18
Just doing it from the central hub of Osprey Shooting Solutions. And.
55:24
Consulting, and that's to include teamwork, leadership, development.
55:28
That's to include firearms training.
55:31
The Juneto podcast still maintains a separation. Thejunetoepodcast.com.
55:37
There's also a webpage for the Juneto podcast on Podbean.
55:43
And then obviously it's on all the platforms because you're probably listening
55:46
to it on Spotify or Apple or something right now.
55:50
So please continue to do that. Please like it and share it and do all the things
55:53
that make social media people popular.
55:56
I've been having conversations with dudes lately about, you know,
56:00
how do people make money on social media? I have no idea.
56:04
I don't make a dime on clicks or whatever.
56:08
I don't, well, I don't get that
56:10
many clicks, but through the different platforms, you know, I don't know.
56:16
I probably got upwards of 10,000 plus listeners, I guess. And that seems pretty
56:23
good to me. So I'm happy with it.
56:25
Yes. Eventually we're going to go do video for the podcast.
56:30
Once I do a little remodeling for the place here, not remodeling,
56:33
just paint job and get a logo put up behind me and get a different camera.
56:39
So it would be a little, a little nicer.
56:42
So eventually that's coming. I mean, pretty fairly soon. Anyway, let's see.
56:48
I did, I just did a podcast with A Better Way 2A.
56:53
One of the clips that we put on, well, the Jordan from A Better Way put on,
56:58
it got a whole lot of feedback from a whole bunch of keyboard warriors.
57:02
So for you keyboard warriors out there, for those of you that like to be very
57:08
forceful in your tone and say things that you normally wouldn't say to a grown man, I,
57:17
being on on your keyboard i,
57:21
i am a man who don't that don't that don't go over well in person with me,
57:28
so good on you for being having the big talk online,
57:35
i beseech you come out to osprey shooting solutions and we'll have the same
57:41
conversations and see how they go,
57:46
keyboard warriors are, are something else, man, something else.
57:54
And yeah, so anyway, I've just sat down with the Jordan. So that,
57:57
that's the second podcast I've done with a better way to a,
58:01
and yeah, man, uh, we don't just, we don't agree on a lot of things as far as
58:07
politics goes and policy and things like that.
58:11
But that's the whole point that we can have conversations without ripping each other.
58:20
There's a little playful ball busting, but we're not ripping each other. We're not hateful.
58:25
We're adults who can have, you know, conversations.
58:29
So that's what it's about. And then I've just sat down with three of seven project
58:34
and did a podcast with them not too long ago. I'm not sure when that one's going to release.
58:39
But the A Better Way 2A one is out now. So go check them out as well.
58:46
Let's see. And then finally, please, good people, consider donating a little,
58:53
change to Help a Homie Fund.
58:57
That is our, I want to say growing.
59:01
That is our plan in its infancy to create a 501 non-profit charitable organization.
59:12
And the way it works right now is you go to givescingo.com backslash help a
59:17
homie fund, and you can donate some money.
59:21
That money goes into an account, a unique account. And then when I'm confronted
59:28
with people who are in need,
59:30
I will try to help those people with need with their need and it's so small
59:35
scale right now that It's literally just me out,
59:40
you know buying a meal for someone or something.
59:42
So Yeah You're helping me do a thing that you you could be doing as well I.
59:52
You can donate. You can be charitable if you're charitable. So please consider it. Help a homie fund.
1:00:00
Let's see. That's about it, good people. I appreciate you guys listening.
1:00:04
And look, I do want your feedback. Even the keyboard warriors,
1:00:08
if you want to come on and talk big shot on them. Yeah, because I guess that
1:00:13
counts as, what do you call it, interaction or whatever.
1:00:17
So the algorithm does what it does.
1:00:20
Yeah I don't know how this stuff works I do appreciate genuine feedback because that shapes,
1:00:29
a lot of the topics that I've done have come from suggestions and in fact a
1:00:34
fellow just the other day suggested we do an episode on on the the whole epidemic
1:00:39
of the flock camera madness and that's a big hot topic right now,
1:00:45
so I may do some I got I got some good resources for that Also look at Banish Big Brother podcast.
1:00:52
Yeah, they are all over that stuff.
1:00:55
So anyway, I do appreciate your feedback because it helps guide me, right? Helps guide me.
1:01:02
So consider that, good people. Like, share, follow, comment,
1:01:06
all those things. All right, good people.