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Passing · Passing

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Passing by Nella Larson, Part one Encounter, Chapter one one, three centuries
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removed from the scenes. His fathers loved spicy grove, cinnamon tree. What
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is Africa to me, County Cullen. It was the last letter in Irene
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Redfield's little pile of morning mail, after her other ordinary and clearly directed letters.
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The long envelope of thin Italian paper, with its almost illegible scrawl,
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seemed out of place and alien. And there was too something mysterious and slightly
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furtive about it, a thin, sly thing which bore no return address to
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betray the sunder, not that she hadn't immediately known who its under was.
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Some two years ago she had one very like it in outward appearance, furtive,
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but yet in some peculiar determined way, a little flaunting, purple ink
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foreign paper of extraordinary size. It had been Irene noted postmarked in New York
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the day before. Her brows came together in a tiny frown. The frown,
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however, was more from perplexity than from annoyance, though there was in
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her thoughts an element of both, She was wholly unable to comprehend such an
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attitude towards danger as she was sure the letter's contents would reveal, and she
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disliked the idea of opening and reading it. This, she reflected, was
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of a piece with all that she knew of Claire Kendrey, stepping, always
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on the edge of danger, always aware, but not drawing back or turning
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aside, certainly not because of any alarms or feeling of outrage on the part
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of others. And for a swift moment, Irene Redfield seemed to see a
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small, pale girl sitting on a ragged blue sofa, sewing pieces of bright
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red cloth together, while her drunken father, a tall, powerfully built man
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raged threateningly up and down the shabby room, following curses and making spasmodic lunges
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at her, which were not the less frightening because they were, for the
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most part ineffectual. Sometimes he did manage to reach her, but only the
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fact that the child had edged herself and her poor sewing over to the farthermost
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corner of the sofa suggested that she was in any way perturbed by this menace
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to herself and her work. Claire had known well enough that it was unsafe
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to take a portion of the dollar that was her weekly wage for the doing
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of many errands for the dressmaker who lived on the top floor of the building
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of which Bob Kendrey was janitor. But that knowledge had not deterred her.
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She wanted to go to her Sunday school's picnic, and she had made up
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her mind to wear a new dress, So, in spite of certain unpleasantness
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and possible danger, she had taken the money to buy the material for that
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pathetic little red frock. There had been, even in those days, nothing
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sacrificial in Claire Kendry's idea of life, no allegiance beyond her own immediate desire.
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She was selfish and cold and hard, and yet she had too a
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strange capacity of transforming warmth and passion, verging sometimes almost on theatrical heroics.
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Irene, who was a year more older than Claire, remembered the day that
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Bob Kendrey had been brought home dead, killed in a silly saloon fight.
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Claire, who was at that time a scant fifteen years old, had just
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stood there with her lips pressed together, her thin arms folded across her narrow
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chest, staring down at the familiar, pasty white face of her parent,
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with a sort of disdain in her slanting black eyes. For a long time
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she had stood like that, silent and staring. Then quite suddenly she had
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given way to a torrent of weeping, swaying her thin body, tearing at
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her bright hair, and stamping her small feet. The outburst had ceased as
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suddenly as it had begun. She glanced quickly about the bare room, taking
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every one in, even the two policemen, in a sharp look of flashing
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scorn, and in the next instant she had turned and vanished through the door.
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Seen across the long stretch of years, the thing had more the appearance
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of an outpouring of pent up fury than of an overflow of grief for her
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dead father. Though she had been Irene admitted fond enough of him in her
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own rather catlike way. Cat Like, certainly, that was the word which
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best described Claire Kendrey, if any single word could describe her. Sometimes she
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was hard and apparently without feeling at all. Sometimes she was affectionate and rashly
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impulsive, and there was about her an amazing soft malice hidden well away until
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provoked. Then she was capable of scratching, and very effectively too, or
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driven to anger. She would fight with a ferocity and impetuousness that disregarded or
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forgot any danger, superior strength, numbers, or other unfavorable circumstances. How
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savagely she had clawed those boys the day they had hooted her parent and sung
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it to risive rhyme of their own composing, which pointed out certain eccentricities in
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his careening gait, And how deliberately she had. Irene brought her thoughts back
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to the present, to the letter from Claire Hendrey that she still held unopened
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in her hand. With a little feeling of apprehension, she very slowly cut
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the envelope, drew out the folded sheets, spread them, and began to
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read. It was she saw at once what she had expected since learning from
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the postmark that Claire was in the city, an extravagantly phrased wish to see
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her again. Well, she needn't and wouldn't, Irene told herself, accede
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to that, nor would she assist Claire to realize her foolish desire to return
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for a moment to that life which, long ago, and of her own
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choice, she had left behind her. She ran through the letter, puzzling
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out as best she could, the carelessly formed words, or making instinctive guesses
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at them. For I am lonely, so lonely, I cannot help longing
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to be with you again, as I have never longed for anything before,
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and I have wanted many things in my life. You can't know how in
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this pale life of mine, I am all the time seeing the bright pictures
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of that other that I once thought I was glad to be free of.
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It's like an ache, a pain that never ceases, sheets upon thin sheets
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of it, and finally ending with and it's your fault, Reen dear,
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at least partly, for I wouldn't now perhaps have this terrible, this wild
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desire if I hadn't seen you that time in Chicago. Brilliant red patches flamed
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in Irene Redfields, warm olive cheeks that time in Chicago. The words stood
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out from among the many paragraphs of other words, bringing with them a clear,
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sharp remembrance in which, even now after two years, humiliation, resentment,
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and rage were mingled. End of Chapter one, Part one, Chapter
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two. This is what Irene Redfield remembered Chicago, August, a brilliant day,
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hot with a brutal staring sun pouring down rays that were like molten rain,
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a day on which the very outlines of the building shuddered, as if
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in protest at the heat. Quivering lines sprang up from baked pavements and wriggled
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along the shining car tracks. The automobiles parked at the curbs were a dancing
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blaze, and the glass of the shop windows throughout a blinding radiance. Sharp
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particles of dust rose from the burning sidewalks, stinging the seared or dripping skins
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of wilting pedestrians. What small breeze there was seemed like the breath of a
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flame fanned by slow bellows. It was on that day, of all others,
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that Irene set out to shop for the things which she had promised to
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take home from Chicago to her two small suns, Ryan Junior and Theodore.
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Characteristically, she had put it off until only a few crowded days remained of
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her long visit, and only this sweltering one was free of engagements till the
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evening without too much trouble. She had got the mechanical airplane for Junior,
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but the drawing book for which Ted had so gravely and insistently given her precise
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directions had sent her in and out of five shops without success. It was
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while she was on her way to a sixth place that right before her smarting
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eyes, a man toppled over and became an inert, crumpled heap on the
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scorching cement. About the lifeless figure, a little crowd gathered. Was the
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man dead or only faint? Some one asked her, but Irene didn't know
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and didn't try to discover. She edged her way out of the increasing crowd,
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feeling disagreeably damp and sticky and soiled from contact with so many sweating bodies.
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For a moment, she stood, fanning herself and dabbing at her moist
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face with an inadequate scrap of handkerchief. Suddenly she was aware that the whole
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street had a wobbly look, and realized that she was about to faint.
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With a quick perception of the need for immediate safety, she lifted a wavering
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hand in the direction of a cab parked directly in front of her. The
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perspiring driver jumped out and guided her to his car. He helped almost lifted
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her in. She sank down on the hot leather seat. Four minute her
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thoughts were nebulous. They cleared, I guess, she told her Samaritan,
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it's tea I need on a roof somewhere. The Drayton, ma'am, he
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suggested, they do, say as how, it's always a breeze up there.
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Thank you. I think the Drayton'll do nicely, she told him.
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There was that little grating sound of the clutch being slipped in as the man
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put the car in gear and slid deftly out into the boiling traffic. Reviving
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under the warm breeze stirred up by the moving cab, Irene made some small
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attempts to repair the damage that the heat and crowds had done to her appearance.
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All too soon, the rattle vehicles shot towards the sidewalk and stood still.
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The driver sprang out and opened the door before the hotel's decorated attendant could
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reach it. She got out, and, thanking him smilingly as well as
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in a more substantial manner for his kind helpfulness and understanding, went in through
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the Drayton's wide doors. Stepping out of the elevator that had brought her to
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the roof, she was led to a table just in front of a long
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window whose gently moving curtain suggested a cool breeze. It was, she thought,
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like being wafted upward on a magic carpet to another world, pleasant,
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quiet, and strangely remote from the sizzling one that she had left below.
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The tea when it came, was all that she had desired and expected.
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In fact, so much was it what she had desired and expected that after
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the first deep cooling drink, she was able to forget it only now and
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then, sipping a little absently from the tall green glass while she surveyed the
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room about her, or looked out over some lower buildings at the brush right
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unstirred blue of the lake reaching away to an undetected horizon. She had been
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gazing down for some time at the specks of cars and people creeping about in
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streets, and thinking how silly they looked, when, on taking up her
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glass she was surprised to find it empty. At last she asked for more
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tea, and while she waited, began to recall the happenings of the day,
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and to wonder what she was to do about Ted and his book.
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Why was it that almost invariably he wanted something that was difficult or impossible to
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get, like his father, forever wanting something that he couldn't have. Presently,
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there were voices, a man's booming one and a woman's slightly husky awaiter
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past her, followed by a sweetly scented woman in a fluttering dress of green
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chiffon, whose mingled pattern of Narcissus's john quills and hyacinths was a reminder of
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pleasantly chill spring days. Behind her, there was a man, very red
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in the face, who was mopping his neck and forehead with a big,
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crumpled handkerchief. Oh, dear, Irene, groaned, rasp by annoyance,
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for after a little discussion and commotion, they had stopped at the very next
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table. She had been alone there at the window and had been so satisfyingly
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quiet. Now, of course they would chatter, But no, only the
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woman sat down. The man remained standing, abstractedly, pinching the knot of
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his bright blue tie across the small space that separated the two tables. His
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voice carried clearly see you later, then, he declared, looking down at
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the woman. There was pleasure in his tones and a smile on his face.
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His companion's lips parted in some answer, but her words were blurred by
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the little intervening distance and the medley of noises floating up from the streets below.
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They didn't reach Irene, but she noted the peculiar, caressing smile that
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accompanied them. The man said, well, I suppose i'd better, and
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smiled again, and said good bye and left. An attractive looking woman,
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was Irene's opinion, with those dark, almost black eyes and that wide mouth
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like a scarlet flower against the ivory of her skin. Nice clothes too,
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just right for the weather, thin and cool without being mussy, as summer
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things were so apt to be. A waiter was taking her order. Irene
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saw her smile up at him as she murmured something thanks. Maybe it was
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an odd sort of smile. Irene couldn't quite define it, but she was
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sure that she would have clasped it coming from another woman, as being just
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a shade too provocative for a waiter. About this one, however, there
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was something that made her hesitate to name it, that a certain impression of
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assurance. Perhaps the waiter came back with the order. Irene watched her spread
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out her napkin, saw the silver spoon in the white hand slit the dull
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gold of the melon. Then, conscious that she had been staring, she
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looked quickly away. Her mind returned to her own affairs. She had settled
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definitely the problem of the proper one of two frocks for the bridge party that
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night, in rooms whose atmosphere would be so thick and hot that every breath
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would be like breathing soup, the dress decided her thoughts had gone back to
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the snag of Ted's book, her unseeing eyes far away on the lake,
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when by some sixth sense she was acutely aware that some one was watching her.
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Very slowly she looked around and into the dark eyes of the woman in
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the green frock at the next table, But she evidently failed to realize that
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such intense interest as she was showing might be embarrassing, and continued to stare.
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Her demeanor was that of one who, with utmost singleness of mind and
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purpose, was determined to impress firmly and accurately each detail of Irene's features upon
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her memory for all time. Nor showed the slightest trace of disconcertment at having
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been detected in her steady scrutiny. Instead, it was Irene, who was
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put out, Feeling her color heightened under the continued inspection, She slid her
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eyes down. What she wondered could be the reason for such person persistant attention?
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Had she, in her haste in the taxi, put her hat on
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backwards guardedly? She felt at it. No, perhaps there was a streak
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of powder somewhere on her face. She made a quick pass over it with
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her handkerchief. Something wrong with her dress. She shot a glance over it
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perfectly, All right, what was it? Again? She looked up,
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and for a moment her brown eyes politely returned the stare of the other's black
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ones, which never for an instant fell or wavered. Irene made a little
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mental shrug, Oh, well, let her look. She tried to treat
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the woman and her watching with indifference, but she couldn't. All her efforts
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to ignore it her were futile. She stole another glance, still looking what
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strange languorous eyes she had, And gradually there rose in Irene a small inner
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disturbance, odious and hatefully familiar. She laughed softly, but her eyes flashed.
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Did that woman? Could that woman somehow know that here before her very
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eyes on the roof of the Drayton sat a Negro absurd impossible. White people
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were so stupid about such things. For all that they usually asserted that they
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were able to tell, and by the most ridiculous means finger nails, palms
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of hands, shapes of ears, teeth, and other equally silly wrought they
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always took her for an Italian, a Spaniard, a Mexican, or a
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gipsy. Never, when she was alone, had they even remotely seemed to
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suspect that she was a Negro. No, the woman sitting there staring at
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her couldn't possibly know. Nevertheless, Irene felt in turn, anger, scorn,
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and fear slide over her. It wasn't that she was ashamed of being
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a Negro, or even of having it declared. It was the idea of
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being ejected from any place, even in the polite and tactful way in which
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the Drayton would probably do it, that disturbed her. But she looked boldly
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this time back into the eyes still frankly intent upon her. They did not
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seem to her hostile or resentful. Rather, Irene had the feeling that they
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would be ready to smile if she would nonsense. Of course, the feeling
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passed, and she turned away with the firm intention of keeping her gaze on
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the lake, the roofs of the buildings across the way, the sky,
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anywhere, but on that annoying woman. Almost immediately, however, her eyes
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were back again. In the midst of her fog of uneasiness, she had
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been seized by a desire to outstare the rude observer. Suppose the woman did
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know or suspect her race, She couldn't prove it. Suddenly, her small
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fright increased. Her neighbor had risen and was coming towards her. What was
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going to happen? Now? Pardon me, the woman said, pleasantly,
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but I think I know you. Her slightly husky voice held a dubious note.
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Looking up at her, Irene's suspicions and fears vanished. There was no
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mistaking the friendlynes of that smile or resisting its charm. Instantly, she surrendered
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to it and smiled too, as she said, I'm afraid you're mistaken.
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Why of course I know you, the other exclaimed, don't tell me you're
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not Irene Westover or do they still call you Reen? In the brief second
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before her answer, Irene tried vainly to recall where and when this woman could
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have known her there in Chicago and before her marriage. That much was plain.
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High school, college, y w c A committees, high school,
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most likely what white girls had she known well enough to have been familiarly addressed
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as Reen by them. The woman before her didn't fit her memory of any
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of them. Who was she? Yes, I'm Ireen Westover, and though
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nobody calls me Reen any more, it's good to hear the name again.
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And you, she hesitated, a shamed that she could not remember, and
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hoping that the sentence would be finished for her. Don't you know me?
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Not really? Reen. I'm sorry, but just at the minute, I
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can't seem to place you. Irene studied the lovely creature standing beside her for
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some clue to her identity. Who could she be? Where and when had
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they met? And through her perplexity came the thought that the trick which her
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memory had played her was for some reason more gratifying than disappointing to her old
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acquaintance, that she didn't mind not being recognized, and too, Irene felt
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that she was just about to remember her. For about the woman was some
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quality, an intangible, something too vague to define, too remote to seize,
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but which was to Irene Redfield, very familiar. And that voice.
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Surely she'd heard those husky tones somewhere before, perhaps before time, contact or
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something had been at them, making them into a voice remotely suggesting England.
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Ah, could it have been in Europe that they had met? Reene?
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No? Perhaps, ups Irene began you. The woman laughed, a lovely
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laugh, a small sequence of notes that was like a trill, and also
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like the ringing of a delicate bell fashioned of precious metal, a tinkling.
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Irene drew a quick, sharp breath. Claire, she exclaimed, not really,
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Claire Kendre, So great was her astonishment that she had started to rise.
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No, no, don't get up, Claire Kendrey commanded, and sat
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down herself. You've simply got to stay and talk. We'll have something more
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tea a fancy meeting you here. It's simply too too lucky. It's awfully
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surprising, Irene told her, and, seeing the change in Claire's smile,
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knew that she had revealed a corner of her own thoughts. But she only
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said, I'd never in this world have known you. If you hadn't laughed.
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You are changed, you know, and yet in a way you're just
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the same. Perhaps, Claire replied, oh just a second. She gave
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her attention to the waiter at her side. HM, let's see to tease
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and bring some cigarettes. Yes, they'll be all right. Thanks again,
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that owed upward smile. Now Irene was sure that it was too provocative for
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a waiter. While Claire had been giving the order, Irene made a rapid
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mental calculation. It must be, she figured, all of twelve years since
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she or anybody that she knew, had laid eyes on Claire Kendrey. After
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her father's death, she had gone to live with some relatives, aunts or
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cousins, two or three times removed over on the West Side, relatives that
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nobody had known the Kendrees possessed until they had turned up at the funeral and
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taken Claire away with them. For about a year or more. Afterwards,
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she would appear occasionally among her old friends and acquaintances on the South Side for
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short little visits that were, they understood, always stolen from the endless domestic
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tasks in her new home with e succeeding one. She was taller, shabbier,
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and more belligerently sensitive, and each time the look on her face was
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more resentful and brooding. I'm worried about Claire. She seems so unhappy,
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Irene remembered her mother's saying. The visits dwindled, becoming shorter, fewer,
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and further apart, until at last they ceased. Irene's father, who had
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been fond of Bob Hendrey, made a special trip over to the West Side
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about two months after the last time Claire had been to see them, and
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returned with the bare information that he had seen the relatives and that Claire had
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disappeared. What else he had confided to her mother in the privacy of their
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own room, Irene didn't know, but she had had something more than a
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vague suspicion of its nature. For there had been rumors, rumors that were
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to girls of eighteen and nineteen years interesting and exciting. There was the one
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about Claire Kendrey's having been seen at the dinner hour in a fashionable hotel in
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company with another woman and two men, all of them white and dressed.
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And there was another which told of her driving in Lincoln Park with a man
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unmistakably white and evidently rich Packard, limousine, chauffeur, and livery, and
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all that. There had been others whose context Irene could no longer recollect,
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but all pointing in the same glamorous direction. And she could remember quite vividly
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how when they used to repeat and discuss these tantalizing stories about Claire, the
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girls would always look knowingly at one another, and then, with excited little
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giggles, drag away their eager, shining eyes and say, with lurking undertones
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of regret or disbelief, some such thing as, oh, well, maybe
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she's got a job or something, or after all, it mayn't have been
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Claire, or you can't believe all you hear. And always some girl more
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matter of fact or more frankly malicious than the rest, would declare, of
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course it was Claire. Ruth said it was, and so did Frank and
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they certainly know her when they see her as well as we do. Someone
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else would say, yes, you can bet it was Claire, all right,
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and then they would all join in, asserting that there could be no
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mistake about its having been Claire, and that such circumstances could only mean one
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thing working. Indeed, people didn't take their servants to the shelby for dinner.
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Certainly not all dressed up like that. There would follow insincere regret,
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and somebody would say, poor girl. I suppose it's true enough, but
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what can you expect. Look at her father and her mother, they say,
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would have run away if she hadn't died. Besides, Claire always had
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a uh having way with her. Precisely that the words came to Irene as
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she sat there on the Drayton roof facing Claire Kendrey A having way well,
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Irene acknowledged, judging from her appearance and manner, Claire seemed certainly to have
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succeeded in having a few of the things that she wanted. It was,
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Irene repeated, after the interval of the waiter, A great surprise and a
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very pleasant to see Claire again after all those years. Twelve at least,
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Why Claire, You're the last person in the world I'd have expected to run
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into. I guess that's why I didn't know you. Claire answered gravely,
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Yes, it is twelve years, but I'm not surprised to see you.
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Reen that is not so very In fact, ever since I've been here,
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i've more or less hoped that I should, or some one, preferably you.
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Though still I imagine that's because I've thought of you often and often while
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you, I'll wager you've never given me a thought. It was true,
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of course, after the first speculations and indictments, Claire had gone completely from
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Irene's thoughts, and from the thoughts of others too, if their conversation was
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any indication of their thoughts. Besides, Claire had never been exactly one of
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the group, just as she'd never been merely the janitor's daughter, but the
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daughter of mister Bob Kendrey, who, it was true, was a janitor,
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but who also, it seemed, had been in college with some of
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their fathers. Just how or why he happened to be a janitor, and
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a very inefficient one at that, they none of them quite knew. One
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of Irene's brothers, who had put the question to their father, had been
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told, that's something that doesn't concern you, and given him the advice to
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be careful not to end in the same manner as poor Bob. No Irene
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hadn't thought of Claire Kendrey. Her own life had been too crowded, so
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she supposed had the lives of other people, She defended her. There forgetfulness,
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You know how it is. Everybody's so busy, people leave drop out.
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Maybe for a little while there's talk about them or questions, then gradually
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they're forgotten. Yes, that's natural. Clare agreed, and what she inquired,
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had they said of her for that little while at the beginning, before
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they'd forgotten her altogether. Irene looked away. She felt the tell tale color
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rising in her cheeks. You can't, she evaded, expect me to remember
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trifles like that over twelve years of marriages, births, deaths and the war.
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There followed that trill of notes. That was Claire Kendry's laugh, small
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and clear, and the very essence of mockery. O Reen, she cried,
27:11
of course you remember, But I won't make you tell me, because
27:14
I know just as well as if i'd been there and heard every unkind word.
27:18
Oh I know, I know. Frank Danton saw me in the shelby
27:22
one night. Don't tell me he didn't broadcast that, and with embroidery.
27:27
Others may have seen me at other times. I don't know, But once
27:32
I met Margaret Hammer and Marshall Fields, i'd have spoken, was on the
27:34
very point of doing it, but she cut me dead. My dear Reen,
27:40
I assure you that from the way she looked through me, even I
27:42
was uncertain whether I actually was there in the flesh or not. I remember
27:47
it clearly, too clearly. It was that very thing which in a way
27:51
finally decided me not to go out and see you one last time before I
27:55
went away to stay somehow good as all of you, the whole family had
27:59
always been to the poor forlorn child that was me. I felt I shouldn't
28:03
be able to bear that. I mean, if any of you, your
28:06
mother, or the boys, or oh well, I just felt I'd rather
28:10
not know it if you did, and so I stayed away. Silly,
28:14
I suppose sometimes I've been sorry I didn't go. Irene wondered if it was
28:18
tears that made Claire's eyes so luminous, and now, Rene, I want
28:23
to hear all about you and everybody and everything You're married, I suppose.
28:29
Irene nodded, yes. Claire said knowingly, you would be tell me about
28:33
it. And so for an hour or more they had sat there, smoking
28:37
and drinking tea and filling in the gap of twelve years with talk, that
28:41
is, Irene did. She told Claire about her marriage and removal to New
28:45
York, about her husband and about her two sons, who were having their
28:49
first experience of being separated from their parents at a summer camp, about her
28:53
mother's death, about the marriages of her two brothers. She told of the
28:57
marriages, births and deaths, and other families that Claire had known, opening
29:02
up for her new vistas on the lives of old friends and acquaintances. Claire
29:07
drank it all in, these things which for so long she had wanted to
29:10
know and hadn't been able to learn. She sat motionless, her bright lips
29:15
slightly parted, her whole face lit by the radiance of her happy eyes.
29:18
Now and then she put a question, but for the most part she was
29:22
silent. Somewhere outside a clock struck brought back to the present, Irene looked
29:29
down at her watch and exclaimed, Oh, I must go, Claire.
29:33
A moment passed during which she was the prey of uneasiness. It had suddenly
29:37
occurred to her that she hadn't asked Claire anything about her own life, and
29:41
that she had a very definite unwillingness to do so. And she was quite
29:45
well aware of the reason for that reluctance, But she asked herself, wouldn't
29:49
it, all things considered, be the kindest thing not to ask if things
29:53
with Claire were as she as they all had suspected. Wouldn't it be more
29:57
tactful to seem to forget yet to inquire how she had spent those twelve years
30:03
If it was that if which bothered her, it might be it might just
30:08
be, in spite of all gossip and even appearances to the contrary, that
30:12
there was nothing had been, nothing that couldn't be simply and innocently explained appearances
30:18
she knew now had away sometimes of not fitting facts, and if Claire hadn't
30:23
well, if they had all been wrong, then certainly she ought to express
30:27
some interest in what had happened to her. It would seem queer and rude
30:32
if she didn't. But how was she to know there was She had last
30:36
decided no way, so she merely said again, I must go, Claire,
30:41
please not so soon, Reene. Claire begged, not moving. Irene
30:47
thought she's really almost too good looking. It's hardly any wonder that she and
30:52
now reen Dear that I've found you. I mean to see lots and lots
30:56
of you. We're here for a month at least, Jack, that my
31:00
husband is here on business. Poor dear, in this heat, isn't it
31:03
beastly come to dinner with us to night, won't you? And she gave
31:08
Irene a curious, little sidelong glance and a sly ironical smile peeped out on
31:14
her full red lips, as if she had been in the secret of the
31:17
other's thoughts and was mocking her. Irene was conscious of a sharp intake of
31:21
breath, but whether it was relief or chagrin that she felt she herself could
31:25
not have told. She said hastily, I'm afraid I can't, Claire,
31:29
I'm filled up dinner and bridge. I'm so sorry. Come tomorrow instead to
31:34
tea. Claire insisted, then you'll see Marjorie. She's just ten and Jack
31:41
too, maybe if he hasn't got an appointment or something. From Irene came
31:45
an uneasy little laugh. She had an engagement for tomorrow also, and she
31:49
was afraid that Claire would not believe it. Suddenly now that possibility disturbed her.
31:55
Therefore, it was with a half vexed feeling at the sense of undeserved
31:57
guilt that had come upon her that she explained that it wouldn't be possible because
32:01
she wouldn't be free for tea or for luncheon or dinner either. And the
32:06
next day's Friday, when I'll be going away for the weekend, idlewild.
32:08
You know, it's quite the thing now. And then she had an inspiration,
32:14
Claire, She exclaimed, why don't you come up with me? Our
32:17
place is probably full up. Jim's wife has a way of collecting mobs of
32:22
the most impossible people, But we can always manage to find room for one
32:24
more, and you'll see absolutely everybody. And the very moment of giving the
32:30
invitation, she regretted it. What a foolish, what an idiotic impulse to
32:34
have given way to. She groaned inwardly as she thought of the endless explanations
32:38
in which it would involve her, of the curiosity and the talk and the
32:42
lifted eyebrows. It wasn't She assured herself that she was a snob, that
32:45
she cared greatly for the petty restrictions and distinctions with which what called itself Negro
32:51
society chose to hedge itself about, but that she had a natural and deeply
32:54
rooted aversion to the kind of front page notoriety that Claire Kendrey's present, an
33:00
idle wild as her guest, would expose her to. And here she was,
33:04
perversely and against all reason, inviting her. But Claire shook her head.
33:09
Really, I'd love to, Reene, she said, a little mournfully.
33:14
There's nothing I'd like better. But I couldn't. I mustn't. You
33:17
see, it wouldn't do at all. I'm sure you understand I'm simply crazy
33:22
to go, but I can't. The dark eyes glistened, and there was
33:27
a suspicion of a quaver in the husky voice. And believe me, reen
33:30
I do. Thank you for asking me. Don't think I've entirely forgotten just
33:35
what it would mean for you if I went, that is, if you
33:37
still care about such things. All indication of tears had gone from her eyes
33:43
and voice, and Irene Redfield, searching her face, had an offended feeling
33:46
that behind what was now only an ivory mask lurked a scornful amusement. She
33:52
looked away at the wall far beyond Claire. Well she deserved it, for,
33:57
as she acknowledged to herself, she was relieved, and for the very
34:00
reason at which Clare had hinted, the fact that Claire had guessed her perturbation
34:06
did not, however, in any degree, lessen that relief. She was
34:09
annoyed at having been detected in what might seem to be an insincerity, But
34:14
that was all the waiter came. With Claire's change, Irene reminded herself that
34:19
she ought immediately to go, but she didn't move. The truth was,
34:23
she was curious. There were things that she wanted to ask Claire Kendrey.
34:28
She wished to find out about this hazardous business of passing, this breaking away
34:31
from all that was familiar and friendly, to take one's chance in another environment.
34:36
Not entirely strange, perhaps, but certainly not entirely friendly. What,
34:40
for example, one did about background, how one accounted for oneself, and
34:45
how one felt when one came into contact with other negroes. But she couldn't.
34:51
She was unable to think of a single question that, in its context
34:53
or its phrasing, was not too frankly curious, if not actually impertinent.
35:00
As if aware of her desire and her hesitation, Claire remarked, thoughtfully,
35:04
you know, Reene, I've often wondered why more colored girls, girls like
35:07
you and Margaret Hammer and Esther Dawson and oh lots of others never passed over.
35:15
It's such a frightfully easy thing to do if one's the type. All
35:19
that's needed is a little nerve. What about background family? I mean,
35:22
surely you can't just drop down on people from nowhere and expect them to receive
35:27
you with open arms, can you? Almost? Claire asserted, you'd be
35:32
surprised, Reene, how much easier that is with white people than with us.
35:37
Maybe because there are so many more of them, or maybe because they
35:40
are secure and so don't have to bother. I've never quite decided. Irene
35:45
was inclined to be incredulous. You mean that you didn't have to explain where
35:51
you came from? It seems impossible, Claire cast a glance of repressed amusement
35:55
across the table at her. As a matter of fact, I didn't,
36:00
though I suppose under any other circumstances I might have had to provide some plausible
36:04
tale to account for myself. I have a good imagination, so I'm sure
36:07
I could have done it quite creditably and credibly. But it wasn't necessary.
36:13
There were my aunts, you see, respectable and authentic enough for anything or
36:16
anybody. I see they were passing too, No, they weren't. They
36:23
were white. Oh. And in the next instant, it came back to
36:29
Irene that she had heard this mentioned before by her father, or more likely
36:32
her mother. They were Bob Kendrey's aunts. He had been a son of
36:37
their brothers. On the left hand, a wild oat. They were nice
36:42
old ladies, Claire explained, very religious and as poor as church mice.
36:46
That adored brother of theirs. My grandfather got through every penny they had after
36:51
he'd finished his own little bit. Claire paused in her narrative to light another
36:54
cigarette. Her smile, her expression, Irene noticed, was faint resentful.
37:00
Being good Christians, she continued, when Dad came to his tipsy end,
37:06
they did their duty and gave me a home of sorts. I was.
37:09
It was true, expected to earn my keep by doing all the housework and
37:13
most of the washing. But do you realize, Reene, that if it
37:16
had been for them, I shouldn't have had a home in the world.
37:20
Irene's nod and a little murmur were comprehensive understanding. Claire made a small mischievous
37:27
grimace, and proceeded. Besides to their notion, hard labor was good for
37:30
me. I had Negro blood, and they belonged to the generation that had
37:35
written and read long articles headed will the Blacks work too? They weren't quite
37:40
sure that the Good God hadn't intended the sons and daughters of Ham to sweat,
37:45
because he had poked fun at old man Noah once when he had taken
37:49
a drop too much. I remember the aunt's telling me that their old drunkard
37:52
had cursed Ham's and his sons for all time. Irene laughed, but Claire
37:59
remained quite serious. It was more than a joke. I assure you,
38:01
Reen, It was a hard life for a girl of sixteen. Still,
38:06
I had a roof over my head, and food and clothes such as they
38:08
were. And there were the scriptures and talks on morals and thrift and industry
38:14
and the loving kindness of the Good Lord. Have you ever stopped to think,
38:17
Claire, Irene demanded, how much unhappiness and downright cruelty are laid to
38:22
the loving kindness of the Lord, and always by his most ardent followers,
38:27
it seems, have I? Claire exclaimed it they made me what I am
38:34
to day. For of course, I was determined to get away, to
38:37
be a person and not a charity or a problem or even a daughter of
38:42
the indiscreet Ham. Then, too, I wanted things I knew I wasn't
38:46
bad looking, and that I could pass. You can't know, reen,
38:50
how when I used to go over to the south Side, I used almost
38:52
to hate all of you. You had all the things I wanted and never
38:57
had had. It made me all the more determined to get them and others.
39:01
Do you can you understand what I felt? She looked up with a
39:06
pointed and appealing effect, and evidently finding the sympathetic expression on Irene's face sufficient,
39:12
answer went on. The aunts were queer, for all their Bibles and
39:16
praying and ranting about honesty. They didn't want any one to know that their
39:21
darling brother had seduced ruined. They called it a Negro girl. They could
39:25
excuse the ruin, but they couldn't forgive the tar brush. They forbade me
39:30
to mention Negroes to the neighbors, or even to mention the south Side.
39:35
You may be sure that I didn't. I'll bet they were good and sorry
39:37
afterwards. She laughed, and the ringing bells in her laugh had a hard,
39:43
metallic sound. When the chance to get away came, that omission was
39:47
of great value to me. When Jack, a schoolboy acquaintance of some people
39:52
in the neighborhood, turned up from South America with untold Gold, there was
39:57
no one to tell him that I was colored, and many to tell about
40:00
the severity and the religiousness of Aunt Grace and Aunt Edna. You can guess
40:04
the rest. After he came, I stopped slipping off to the south side
40:08
and slipped off to meet him instead. I couldn't manage both. In the
40:13
end, I had no great difficulty in convincing him that it was useless to
40:16
talk marriage to the aunt's. So on the day that I was eighteen,
40:20
we went off and were married. So that's that nothing could have been easier.
40:25
Yes, I do see that for you it was easy enough. By
40:30
the way, I wonder why they didn't tell father you were married. He
40:32
went over to find out about you when you stopped coming over to see us.
40:36
I'm sure they didn't tell him, not that you were married. Claire
40:39
Hendry's eyes were bright with tears that didn't fall. Oh, how lovely to
40:45
have cared enough about me to do that. The dear sweet man, well,
40:49
they couldn't tell him because they didn't know it. I took care of
40:52
that, for I couldn't be sure that those consciences of theirs wouldn't begin to
40:54
work on them afterwards and make them let the cat out of the bag.
40:59
The old thing probably thought I was living in sin wherever I was, and
41:02
it would be about what they would expect. An amused smile lit the lovely
41:07
face for the smallest fraction of a second. After a little silence, she
41:10
said soberly, but I'm sorry if they told your father so, that was
41:15
something I hadn't counted on. I'm not sure that they did, Irene told
41:20
her. He didn't say so anyway, he wouldn't, Rene, dear not
41:24
your father. Thanks, I'm sure you wouldn't. But you've never answered my
41:30
question. Tell me, honestly, haven't you ever thought of passing? Irene
41:36
answered promptly, no, why should I? And so disdainful was her voice
41:40
and manner that Claire's face flushed and her eyes glinted. Irene hastened to add,
41:46
you see, Claire, I've everything I want, except perhaps a little
41:51
more money. At that, Claire laughed. Her spark of anger vanished as
41:54
quickly as it appeared. Of course, she declared, that's what everybody wants,
42:00
just a little more money, even the people who have it. And
42:04
I must say I don't blame them. Money's awfully nice to have. In
42:08
fact, all things considered, I think green that it's even worth the price.
42:14
Irene could only shrug her shoulders. Her reason partly agreed, her instinct
42:17
wholly rebelled, and she could not say why. And though conscious that if
42:22
she didn't hurry away, she was going to be late to dinner, she
42:25
still lingered. It was as if the woman sitting on the other side of
42:29
the table, a girl that she had known, who had done this rather
42:32
dangerous and to Irene Redfield a bhorrent thing successfully, and had announced herself well
42:37
satisfied, had for her a fascination strange and compelling. Claire Kendry was still
42:45
leaning back in the tall chair, her sloping shoulders against the carved top.
42:50
She sat with an air of indifferent assurance, as if arranged for desired.
42:53
About her clung that dim suggestion of polite insolence with which a few women are
42:59
born, which some acquire with the coming of riches or importance Claire. It
43:04
gave Irene a little prick of satisfaction to recall hadn't got that by passing herself
43:08
off as white. She herself had always had it, just as she'd always
43:14
had that pale gold hair, which, unsheared still was drawn loosely back from
43:19
a broad brow, partly hidden by the small close hat. Her lips,
43:22
painted a brilliant geranium red, were sweet and sensitive and a little obstinate,
43:28
a tempting mouth. The face across the forehead and cheeks was a trifle too
43:31
wide, but the ivory's skin had a peculiar soft luster, and the eyes
43:37
were magnificent, dark, sometimes absolutely black, always luminous and set in long
43:43
black lashes, arresting eyes, slow and mesmeric, and with for all their
43:49
warmth, something withdrawn and secret about them. Ah, surely they were negro
43:54
eyes, mysterious and concealing, and set in that ivory face, under that
44:00
bright hair, there was about them something exotic. Yes, Claire Henry's loveliness
44:06
was absolute, beyond challenge, thanks to those eyes which her grandmother and later
44:09
her mother and father had given her. Into those eyes there came a smile
44:15
and over Irene the sense of being petted and caressed. She smiled back.
44:20
Maybe. Claire suggested, you can come Monday if you're back, or if
44:23
you're not, then Tuesday. With a small regretful sigh, Irene informed Claire
44:29
that she was afraid she wouldn't be back by Monday, and that she was
44:31
sure she had dozens of things for Tuesday, and that she was leaving Wednesday.
44:37
It might be, however, that she could get out of something Tuesday.
44:39
Oh do try do put somebody else off. The others can see you
44:44
any time while I why I may never see you again. Think of that
44:49
Reen. You'll have to come. You'll simply have to. I'll never forgive
44:52
you if you don't. At that moment, it seemed a dreadful thing to
44:55
think of never seeing Claire Kendrey again. Standing there on the appeal the caress
45:00
of her eyes, Irene had the desire, the hope that this parting wouldn't
45:05
be the last. I'll try, Clare, she promised gently. I'll call
45:09
you, or will you call me? I think perhaps i'd better call you.
45:15
Your father's in the book I know, and the address is the same
45:17
sixty four eighteen m some memory. What now, Remember, I'm going to
45:22
expect you. You've got to be able to come again that peculiar, mellowing
45:27
smile. I'll do my best, Claire. Irene gathered up her gloves and
45:31
bag. They stood up. She put out her hand, Claire took and
45:36
held it. It has been nice seeing you again, Claire. How pleased
45:39
and glad father'll be to hear about you until Tuesday. Then, Claire Kenji
45:45
replied, I'll spend every minute of the time from now on looking forward to
45:49
seeing you again. Good Bye, Rene, dear my love to your father,
45:52
and this kiss for him. The son had gone from overhead, but
45:58
the streets were still like fiery earness. The languid breeze was still hot,
46:02
and the scurrying people looked even more wilted than before. Irene had fled from
46:07
their contact, crossing the avenue in the heat, far from the coolness of
46:10
the Drayton's roof, away from the seduction of Claire Kendrey's smile. She was
46:15
aware of a sense of irritation with herself, because she had been pleased and
46:19
a little flattered at the other's obvious gladness at their meeting, with her perspiring
46:23
progress homeward, This irritation grew, and she began to wonder just what had
46:28
possessed her to make her promise to find time in the crowded days that remained
46:31
of her visit, to spend another afternoon with a woman whose life had so
46:35
definitely and deliberately diverged from hers, and whom, as had been pointed out,
46:39
she might never see again. Why in the world had she made such
46:44
a promise. As she went up the steps to her father's house, thinking
46:47
with what interest and amazement he would listen to her story of the afternoon's encounter,
46:52
it came to her that Claire had omitted to mention her marriage name.
46:55
She had referred to her husband as Jack. That was all, had that,
47:00
Irene asked herself, been intentional? Claire had only to pick up the
47:05
telephone to communicate with her, or to drop her a card, or to
47:07
jump into a taxi. But she couldn't reach Claire in any way, nor
47:12
could any one else to whom she might speak of their meeting, as if
47:15
I should. Her key turned in the lock, she went in her father
47:21
it seemed hadn't come in yet. Irene decided that she wouldn't After all say
47:24
anything to him about Claire Kendrey. She had, She told herself no inclination
47:30
to speak of a person who held so low an opinion of her loyalty or
47:32
her discretion, And certainly she had no desire or intention of making the slightest
47:37
effort about Tuesday, nor any other day for that matter. She was through
47:42
with Claire Kendrey. End of Chapter two, Part one, Chapter three.
47:51
On Tuesday morning, a dome of gray sky rose over the parched city,
47:55
but the stifling air was not relieved by the silvery mist that seemed to hold
47:59
her promise of rain, which did not fall to Irene Redfield. This soft,
48:05
foreboding fog was another reason for doing nothing about seeing Claire Kendrey that afternoon,
48:09
but she did see her. The telephone for hours it had rung like
48:15
something possessed. Since nine o'clock. She had been hearing its insistent jangle a
48:21
while. She was resolute, saying firmly each time, not in, Liza,
48:24
take the message, and each time the servant returned with the information it's
48:30
the same lady, ma'am. She says she'll call again, But at noon
48:34
her nerves frayed and her conscience smiting her At the reproachful look on Liza's ebony
48:38
face as she withdrew for another denial, Irene weakened, Oh never mind,
48:44
I'll answer this time, Liza. It's her again. Hello, Yes,
48:52
it's Claire Reen. Where have you been? Can you be here around four?
48:58
What? But Reen, you promised just for a little while you can
49:05
if you want to. I am so disappointed. I had counted so on
49:09
seeing you. Please be nice and calme only for a minute. I'm sure
49:15
you can manage it. If you try, I won't beg you to stay.
49:20
Yes, I'm going to expect you. It's the Morgan. Oh yes,
49:27
the name's Blue. Missus John blew about four? Then, I'll be
49:31
so happy to see you. Good Bye, damn. Irene hung up the
49:37
receiver with an emphatic bang, her thoughts immediately filled with self reproach. She'd
49:43
done it again, allowed Claire Candrey to persuade her into promising to do something
49:46
for it. She had neither time nor any special desire. What was it
49:52
about Claire's voice that was so appealing, so very seductive? Claire met her
49:57
in the hall with a kiss. She said, you are good to come,
50:00
Reene, But then you always were nice to me, and under her
50:05
potent smile, a part of Irene's annoyance with herself fled. She was even
50:08
a little glad that she had come. Claire led the way, stepping slightly
50:14
towards a room whose door was standing partly open, saying, there's a surprise,
50:19
it's a real party. See. Entering, Irene found herself in a
50:23
sitting room, large and high, at whose windows hung startling blue draperies which
50:29
triumphantly dragged attention from the gloomy, chocolate covered furniture. And Claire was wearing
50:34
a thin, floating dress of the same shade of blue, which suited her
50:37
and the rather difficult room to perfection. For a minute, Irene thought the
50:42
room was empty, but turning her head she discovered, sunk deep in the
50:45
cushions of a huge sofa, a woman staring up at her with such intense
50:50
concentration that her eyelids were drawn, as though the strain of that upward glance
50:54
had paralyzed them. At first, Irene took her to be a stranger,
50:59
but in the next instant she said, in an unsympathetic, almost harsh voice,
51:04
and how are you Gertrude? The woman nodded and forced a smile to
51:07
her pouting lips. I'm all right, she replied, and you're just the
51:13
same Irene, not changed a bit. Thank you, Irene responded, as
51:16
she chose a seat. She was thinking, great goodness, two of them,
51:22
for Gertrude too had married a white man, though it couldn't be truthfully
51:27
said that she was passing. Her husband what was his name? Had been
51:30
in school with her and had been quite well aware, as had his family
51:34
and most of his friends, that she was a Negro. It hadn't,
51:37
Irene knew seemed to matter to him? Then? Did it? Now?
51:40
She wondered? Had Fred Fred Martin that was it? Had he ever regretted
51:45
his marriage because of Gertrude's race? Had Gertrude. Turning to Gertrude, Irene
51:52
asked, and Fred, how is he? It's unmentionable years since I've seen
51:55
him. Oh, he's all right, Gertrude answered, briefly. For a
52:00
full minute, no one spoke. Finally, out of the oppressive little silence,
52:05
Claire's voice came pleasantly conversationally. We'll have tea right away. I know
52:09
that you can't stay long, Reene and I'm so sorry you won't see Marjorie.
52:14
We went up to the lake over the weekend to see some of Jack's
52:16
people, just out of Milwaukee. Marjorie wanted to stay with the children.
52:21
It seemed a shame not to let her, especially since it's so hot in
52:23
town. But I'm expecting Jack any second, Irene said, briefly, that's
52:29
nice. Gertrude remained silent. She was, it was plain, a little
52:34
ill at ease, and her presence there annoyed Irene roused in her a defensive
52:38
and resentful feeling for which she had at the moment no explanation. But it
52:43
did seem to her awed that the woman that Claire was now should have invited
52:46
the woman that Gertrude was still. Of course, Claire couldn't have known twelve
52:52
years since they had met. Later, when she examined her feeling of annoyance,
52:57
Irene admitted a shade reluctantly, that it arose from a feeling of being
53:00
out numbered, a sense of a loneness in her adherence to her own class
53:05
and kind, not merely in the great thing of marriage, but in the
53:07
whole pattern of her life as well. Claire spoke again this time. At
53:13
length, her talk was of the change that Chicago presented to her after her
53:16
long absence in European cities. Yes, she said, in reply to some
53:20
question from Gertrude, she'd been back to America a time or two, but
53:23
only as far as New York and Philadelphia, and once she had spent a
53:28
few days in Washington. John Beloo, who had appeared with some sort of
53:31
international banking agent, hadn't particularly wanted her to come with him on this trip,
53:36
but as soon as she had learned that it would probably take him as
53:37
far as Chicago, she had made up her mind to come anyway. I
53:42
simply had to, and after I once got here, I was determined to
53:45
see some one I knew and find out what had happened to everybody. I
53:49
didn't quite see how I was going to manage it, but I meant to
53:52
somehow. I'd just about decided to take a chance and go out to your
53:55
house, Reaen or call up and arrange a meeting. When I ran into
53:59
you, what luck? Irene agreed that it was luck. It's the first
54:04
time I've been home for five years, and now I'm about to leave a
54:07
week later, and I'd have been gone. And how in the world did
54:09
you find Gertrude? In the book I remembered about Fred? His father still
54:15
has the meat market. Oh yes, said Irene, who had only remembered
54:19
it as Clare had spoken. On Cottage Grove near Gertrude broke in. No,
54:23
it's moved, or on Maryland Avenue used to be Jackson now near sixty
54:29
third Street in the market's Fred's His name's the same as his father's. Gertrude,
54:34
Irene thought, looked as if her husband might be a butcher. There
54:37
was left of her youthful prettiness which had been so much admired in their high
54:42
school days. No trace. She had grown broad, fat, almost and
54:45
though there were no lines on her large white face, its very smoothness was
54:50
somehow prematurely aging. Her black hair was clipped, and by some unfortunate means,
54:55
all the live curliness had gone from it. Her over trimmed Georgia crape
55:00
dress was too short and showed an appalling amount of leg stout legs and sleazy
55:05
stockings of a vivid rose baize shade. Her plump hands were newly and not
55:09
too competently manicured for the occasion. Probably, and she wasn't smoking, Claire
55:15
said, and Irene fancied that her husky voice held a slight edge. Before
55:21
you came, Irene, Gertrude was telling me about her two boys twins.
55:24
Think of it? Isn't it too marvelous for words? Irene felt a warmness
55:30
creeping into her cheeks. Uncanny the way Claire could divine what one was thinking.
55:36
She was a little put out, but her manner was entirely easy,
55:38
as she said, that is nice. I've two boys myself, Gertrude,
55:43
not twins. Though it seems that Claire's rather behind, doesn't it. Gertrude,
55:47
however, wasn't sure that Claire hadn't the best of it. She's got
55:51
a girl. I wanted a girl, so did Fred. Isn't that a
55:54
bit unusual? Irene asked, Most men want sons, egotis I suppose?
56:00
Well? Fred didn't. The tea things had been placed on a low table
56:06
at Claire's side. She gave them her attention, now pouring the rich amber
56:09
fluid from the tall glass pitcher into stately slim glasses, which she handed to
56:14
her guests, and then offered them lemon or cream and tiny sandwiches or cakes.
56:20
After taking up her own glass, she informed them, No, I
56:22
have no boys, and I don't think i'll ever have any. I'm afraid.
56:27
I nearly died of terror the whole nine months before Marjorie was born,
56:30
for fear that she might be dark. Thank goodness, she turned out all
56:34
right. But I'll never risk it again. Never. The strain is simply
56:37
too too hellish. Gertrude Martin nodded in complete comprehension. This time it was
56:45
Irene who said, nothing. You don't have to tell me. Gertrude said,
56:50
fervently, I know what it is, all right. Maybe you don't
56:52
think I wasn't scared to death too. Fred said I was silly, and
56:55
so did his mother. But of course they thought it was just a notion
56:59
I'd got into my head, and they blamed it on my condition. They
57:01
don't know like we do, how it might go way back and turn out
57:05
dark no matter what color the father and mother are. Perspiration stood out on
57:09
her forehead. Her narrow eyes rolled first in Clare's, then in Irene's direction.
57:15
As she talked, she waved her heavy hands about No. She went
57:19
on, no more for me either, not even a girl, it's awful
57:22
the way it skips generations and then pops out why. He actually said he
57:25
didn't care what color it turned out, if I would only stop worrying about
57:30
it. But of course nobody wants a dark child. Her voice was earnest,
57:34
and she took for granted that her audience was in entire agreement with her.
57:38
Irene, whose head had gone up with a quick little jerk, now
57:42
said, in a voice of whose even tone she was proud, one of
57:45
my boys is dark. Gertrude jumped as if she had been shot at.
57:49
Her eyes goggled, her mouth flew open. She tried to speak, but
57:52
could not immediately get the words out. Finally, she managed to stammer,
57:58
oh, and you're h hu is he is he er dark too. Irene,
58:05
who was struggling with a flood of feelings resentment, anger, and contempt,
58:09
was however still able to answer as coolly as if she had not that
58:13
sense of not belonging to and of despising the company in which she found herself
58:17
drinking iced tea from tall amber glasses on that hot August afternoon. Her husband,
58:23
she informed them quietly, couldn't exactly pass at that reply, Claire turned
58:30
on Irene her seductive, caressing smile and remarked, a little scoffingly, I
58:34
do think that colored people we are too silly about some things. After all,
58:39
the things not important to Irene or hundreds of others, not awfully even
58:43
to you, Gertrude. It's only deserters like me who have to be afraid
58:46
of freaks of the nature. As my inestimable dad used to say, everything
58:51
must be paid for. Now, Please, one of you tell me whatever
58:54
happened to Claude Jones. You know, the tall, lanky specimen who used
58:59
to wear that comical little mustache that the girls used to laugh at, so
59:01
like a thin streak of soot the mustache, I mean at that. Gertrude
59:07
shrieked with laughter. Claude Jones and launched into the story of how he was
59:12
no longer a Negro or a Christian, but had become a Jew. A
59:16
Jew, Claire exclaimed, yes, a Jew, a black Jew. He
59:22
calls himself he won't eat ham and goes to the synagogue on Saturday. He's
59:25
got a beard now as well as a mustache. You'd die laughing if you
59:30
saw him. He's really too funny for words. Fred says he's crazy,
59:32
and I guess he is. Oh he's a scream, all right, a
59:36
regular scream, and she shrieked again. Claria's laugh tinkled out. It certainly
59:42
sounds funny enough. Still, it's his own business if he gets along better.
59:45
By turning at that, Irene, who was still hugging her unhappy don't
59:50
care feeling of rightness broke in, saying, bitingly, it evidently doesn't occur
59:54
to either you or Gertrude that he might possibly be sincere in changing his religion.
59:59
Sure, only every one doesn't do everything for gain. Claire Hendrey had
1:00:04
no need to search for the full meaning of that utterance. She reddened slightly
1:00:07
and retorted seriously, yes, I admit that might be possible his being sincere.
1:00:13
I mean, it just didn't happen to occur to me, that's all.
1:00:15
I'm surprised. And the seriousness changed to mockery that you should have expected
1:00:22
it to or did you really you don't? I am sure imagine that that
1:00:27
is a question that I can answer, Irene told her not here and now
1:00:32
Gertrude's face expressed complete bewilderment. However, seeing that little smiles had come out
1:00:38
on the faces of the two other women, and not recognizing them for the
1:00:42
smiles of mutual reservations which they were, she smiled too. Claire began to
1:00:46
talk, steering carefully away from anything that might lead towards race or other thorny
1:00:52
subjects. It was the most brilliant exhibition of conversational weightlifting that Irene had ever
1:00:57
seen. Her words swept over them charming, well modulated streams, Her laughs
1:01:02
tinkled and pealed, her little stories sparkled. Irene contributed abear, yes or
1:01:08
no, here and there, Gertrude, Ah, you don't say less frequently.
1:01:14
For a while, the illusion of general conversation was nearly perfect. Irene
1:01:19
felt her resentment changing gradually to a silent, somewhat grudging admiration. Claire talked
1:01:24
on her voice, her gestures coloring all she said of wartime in France,
1:01:30
of after the wartime in Germany, of the excitement at the time of the
1:01:32
general strike in England, of dressmaker's openings in Paris, of the new Gaiety
1:01:37
of Budapest. But it couldn't last this verbal feat. Gertrude shifted in her
1:01:43
seat and fell to fidgeting with her fingers. Irene, bored at last by
1:01:46
all this repetition of the self same things that she had read too often in
1:01:50
papers, magazines, and books, set down her glass and collected her bag
1:01:53
and handkerchief. She was smoothing out the tanned fingers of her gloves preparatory to
1:01:58
putting them on, when she heard the sound of the outer door being opened,
1:02:01
and saw Claire spring up with an expression of relief, saying, how
1:02:05
lovely, here's Jack at exactly the right minute. You can't go now,
1:02:08
Rereen. Dear John below came into the room. The first thing that Irene
1:02:14
noticed about him was that he was not the man that she had seen with
1:02:16
Claire Kendrey on the Drayton roof. This man, Claire's husband, was a
1:02:21
tallish person, broadly made. His age she guessed to be somewhere between thirty
1:02:24
five and forty. His hair was dark brown and waving, and he had
1:02:29
a soft mouth somewhat womanish set in an unhealthy looking dough colored face. His
1:02:35
steel gray, opaque eyes were very much alive, moving ceaselessly between thick,
1:02:39
bluish lids. But there was Irene decided nothing unusual about him unless it was
1:02:45
an impression of latent physical power. Hello nig was his greeting to Claire.
1:02:52
Gertrude, who had started slightly, settled back and looked covertly towards Irene,
1:02:57
who had caught her lip between her teeth and sat gazing at husband and wife.
1:03:01
It was hard to believe that even Claire Kendrey would permit this ridiculing of
1:03:05
her race by an outsider, though he chanced to be her husband, so
1:03:08
he knew then that Claire was a Negro from her talk the other day.
1:03:13
Irene had understood that he didn't. But how rude, how positively insulting for
1:03:17
him to address her in that way in the presence of guests. In Claire's
1:03:21
eyes as she presented her husband was a queer, gleam, a jeer,
1:03:24
it might be, Irene couldn't define it the mechanical professions that attend an introduction
1:03:30
over. She inquired, did you hear what Jack called me? Yes?
1:03:36
Gertrude answered, laughing with a dutiful eagerness. Irene didn't speak. Her gaze
1:03:40
remained level on Claire's smiling face. The black eyes fluttered down. Tell them,
1:03:46
dear, why you call me that? The man chuckled, crinkling up
1:03:50
his eyes. Not Irene was compelled to acknowledge unpleasantly, He explained, well,
1:03:55
you see, it's like this. When we were first married, she
1:03:59
was as white as as well, white as a lily. But I declare
1:04:03
she's getting darker and darker. I tell her, if she don't look out,
1:04:08
she'll wake up one of these days and find she's turned into a nigger.
1:04:12
He roared with laughter. Claire's ringing, bell like laugh joined his.
1:04:15
Gertrude, after another uneasy shift in her seat, added her shrill one.
1:04:20
Irene, who had been sitting with lips tightly compressed, cried out, that's
1:04:25
good, and gave way to gales of laughter. She laughed and laughed and
1:04:30
laughed. Tears ran down her cheeks, her sides ached, her throat hurt.
1:04:34
She laughed on and on and on long after the others had subsided,
1:04:40
until catching sight of Claire's face, the need for a more quiet enjoyment of
1:04:44
this priceless joke and precaution struck her at once. She stopped. Claire handed
1:04:50
her husband his tea and laid her hand on his arm with an affectionate little
1:04:54
gesture. Speaking with confidence as well as with amusement. She said, My
1:04:59
goodness, Jack, what difference would it make if, after all these years,
1:05:02
you were to find out that I was one or two percent colored.
1:05:05
Bileu put out his hand in a repudiating fling, definite and final. Oh,
1:05:11
no nig he declared, nothing like that with me. I know your
1:05:15
no nigger, so it's all right. You can get as black as you
1:05:17
please, as far as I'm concerned. Since I know you're no nigger,
1:05:20
I draw the line at that. No nigger's in my family, never have
1:05:24
been, and never will be. Irene's lips trembled almost uncontrollably, but she
1:05:30
made a desperate effort to fight back her disastrous desire to laugh again, and
1:05:33
succeeded. Carefully selecting a cigarette from the lacquered box on the tea table before
1:05:38
her, She turned an oblique look on Claire and encountered her peculiar eyes fixed
1:05:43
on her with an expression so dark and deep and unfathomable that she had,
1:05:46
for a short moment the sensation of gazing into the eyes of some creature utterly
1:05:51
strange and apart. A faint sense of danger brushed her like the breath of
1:05:56
a cold fog absurd, her reason told her, as she accepted Bulu's proffered
1:06:00
light for her cigarette. Another glance at Claire showed her smiling so as one
1:06:05
always ready to oblige. Was Gertrude an onlooker, Irene reflected, would have
1:06:12
thought it a most congenial tea party, all smiles and jokes and hilarious laughter.
1:06:16
She said humorously, so you dislike negroes, mister Belu, But her
1:06:21
amusement was at her thought rather than her words. John Bleu gave a short,
1:06:27
denying laugh. You got me wrong there, missus Redfield, nothing like
1:06:30
that at all. I don't dislike them. I hate them, and so
1:06:33
does nig For all she's trying to turn into one, she wouldn't have a
1:06:38
nigger made around her for love nor money, not that I'd want her to.
1:06:41
They give me the creeps, the black scrimy devils. This wasn't funny.
1:06:46
Had Blue Irene inquired, ever known any negroes. The defensive tone of
1:06:51
her voice brought another start from the uncomfortable Gertrude, and, for all her
1:06:55
appearance of serenity, a quick apprehensive look from Claire Blue, who answered,
1:07:00
thank the Lord no, and never expect to. But I know people who've
1:07:04
known them better than they know their black selves. And I read in the
1:07:08
papers about them always robbing and killing people, and he added darkly worse.
1:07:15
From Gertrude's direction came a queer, little suppressed sound, a snort or a
1:07:18
giggle. I Rene couldn't tell which. There was a brief silence during which
1:07:24
she feared that her self control was about to prove too frail a bridge to
1:07:27
support her mounting anger and indignation. She had a leaping desire to shout at
1:07:30
the man beside her, and you are sitting here surrounded by three black devils
1:07:35
drinking tea. The impulse passed, obliterated by her consciousness of the danger in
1:07:42
which such rashness would involve Claire, who remarked with a gentle reprovingness, Jack,
1:07:46
dear, I'm sure Reene doesn't care to hear all about your pet aversions,
1:07:50
nor Gertrude either. Maybe they read the papers too, you know.
1:07:55
She smiled on him, and her smile seemed to transform him, to soften
1:07:59
and mellow him. The rays of the sun does a fruit, all right,
1:08:02
nig old girl, I'm sorry, he apologized, reaching over He playfully
1:08:08
touched his wife's pale hands, then turned back to Irene. Didn't mean to
1:08:12
bore you, missus. Redfield. Hope you'll excuse me, he said,
1:08:15
sheepishly. Claire tells me you're living in New York. Great city, New
1:08:18
York, the city of the future. In Irene, rage had not retreated,
1:08:24
but was held by some damn of caution and allegiance to Claire. So
1:08:28
in the best casual voice she could muster, she agreed with Blue, though
1:08:31
she reminded him it was exactly what Chicagoans were apt to say of their city.
1:08:36
And all the while she was speaking, she was thinking how amazing it
1:08:40
was that her voice did not tremble that outwardly she was calm. Only her
1:08:44
hands shook slightly. She drew them inward from their rest in her lap and
1:08:47
pressed the tips of her fingers together to still them. Husband's a doctor,
1:08:51
I understand Manhattan or one of the other boroughs Manhattan, Irene informed him,
1:08:58
and explained the need for Brian to be within easy reach of certain hospitals and
1:09:01
clinics. Interesting life at Doctor's yes, hard though, and in a way
1:09:09
monotonous, nerve racking too hard on the wife's nerves at least eh, so
1:09:14
many lady patients, he laughed, enjoying with a boyish heartiness the hoary joke.
1:09:19
Irene managed a momentary smile, but her voice was sober as she said,
1:09:25
Brian doesn't care for ladies, especially sick ones. I sometimes wish he
1:09:29
did. It's South America that attracts him, coming place South America. If
1:09:33
they ever get the niggers out of it, it's run over. Really,
1:09:38
Jack Claire's voice was on the edge of temper. Honestly, nig I forgot
1:09:44
To the others, he said, you see how henpecked I am. And
1:09:48
to Gertrude, you're still in Chicago, missus uh, missus Martin he was.
1:09:54
It was plain doing his best to be agreeable to these old friends of
1:09:58
Claire's. Irene had to can see that under other conditions she might have liked
1:10:01
him. A fairly good looking man of amiable disposition, evidently and in easy
1:10:05
circumstances, plain and with no nonsense about him. Gertrude replied that Chicago was
1:10:12
good enough for her. She'd never been out of it and didn't think she
1:10:14
ever should. Her husband's business was there, of course, of course,
1:10:17
can't jump up and leave a business. There followed a smooth surface of talk
1:10:23
about Chicago, New York, their differences, and their recent spectacular changes.
1:10:28
It was Irene thought unbelievable and astonishing that four people could sit so unruffled,
1:10:33
so ostensibly friendly, while they were in reality seething with anger, mortification,
1:10:39
shame. But no, on second thought, she was forced to amend her
1:10:43
opinion. John Below most certainly was as undisturbed within as without, So perhaps
1:10:47
was Gertrude Martin. At least she hadn't the mortification and shame that Claire Kendry
1:10:51
must be feeling, or in such full measure the rage and rebellion that she
1:10:56
Irene was repressing. Mortee, Claire offered, thanks, no, and I
1:11:02
must be going. I'm leaving tomorrow, you know, and I've still got
1:11:05
packing to do. She stood up, So did Gertrude and Claire and John
1:11:10
Below. How do you like the Drayton, missus Redfield, the latter asked
1:11:15
the Drayton, Oh very much, very much. Indeed, Irene answered her
1:11:20
scornful eyes on Claire's unrevealing face. Nice place, all right, stayed there
1:11:26
a time or two, myself, the man informed her. Yes, it
1:11:30
is nice, Irene agreed, almost as good as our best New York places.
1:11:33
She had withdrawn her look from Claire and was searching in her bag for
1:11:36
some non existent something. Her understanding was rapidly increasing, as was her pity
1:11:42
and her contempt. Claire was so daring, so lovely, and so having.
1:11:47
They gave their hands to Claire with appropriate murmurs. So good to have
1:11:50
seen you. I do hope i'll see you again soon. Good bye.
1:11:55
Claire returned. It was good of you to come, Rene, dear,
1:11:58
and you too, Gertrude. Goodbye, mister Blow, so glad to have
1:12:01
met you. It was Gertrude who said that Irene couldn't she absolutely couldn't bring
1:12:08
herself to utter the polite fiction or anything approaching it. He accompanied them out
1:12:13
into the hall, summoned the elevator. Good Bye, they said again,
1:12:16
stepping in plunging downward, They were silent. They made their way through the
1:12:21
lobby without speaking, But as soon as they had reached the street, Gertrude,
1:12:26
in the manner of one unable to keep bottled up for another minute,
1:12:29
that which for the last hour she had had to retain, burst out,
1:12:32
My god, what an awful chance. She must be plumb crazy. Yes,
1:12:38
it certainly seems risky, Irene admitted, risky. I should say it
1:12:44
was risky. My god, what a word. And the mess she's liable
1:12:48
to get herself into. Still, I imagine she's pretty safe. They don't
1:12:53
live here, you know, and there's a child. That's a certain security.
1:12:57
It's an awful chance. Just the same, Gertrude insisted, I'd never
1:13:00
in the world of married Fred without him knowing. You can't tell what will
1:13:04
turn up. Yes, I do agree that it's safer to tell. But
1:13:08
then Bilou wouldn't have married her, and after all, that's what she wanted.
1:13:13
Gertrude shook her head. I wouldn't be in her shoes for all the
1:13:15
money she's getting out of it when he finds out, not with him feeling
1:13:18
the way he does. She wasn't it awful? For a minute, I
1:13:23
was so mad I could have slapped him. It had been. Irene acknowledged
1:13:27
a distinctly trying experience, as well as a very unpleasant one. I was
1:13:31
more than a little angry myself. And imagine her not telling us about him
1:13:35
feeling that way. Anything might have happened. We might have said something that
1:13:41
Irene pointed out was exactly like Claire Kendrey taking a chance and not at all
1:13:46
considering anyone else's feelings. Gertrude said, maybe she thought we'd think it a
1:13:51
good joke, and I guess you did. The way you laughed my land,
1:13:56
I was scared to death he might catch on. Well, it was
1:14:00
rather a joke, Irene told her, on him and us and maybe on
1:14:04
her all the same. It's an awful chance. I'd hate to be her.
1:14:10
She seems satisfied enough. She's got what she wanted, and the other
1:14:14
day she told me it was worth it. But about that, Gertrude was
1:14:16
skeptical. She'll find out different, was her verdict. She'll find out different
1:14:21
all right. Rain had begun to fall, a few scattered large drops.
1:14:28
The end of the day. Crowds were scurrying in the directions of street cars
1:14:30
and elevated roads. Irene said, you're going south. I'm sorry, I've
1:14:35
got an errand if you don't mind, I'll just say good bye here.
1:14:39
DU's been nice seeing you. Gertrude, say hello to Fred for me,
1:14:42
and to your mother if she remembers me. Good bye. She had wanted
1:14:45
to be free of the other woman, to be alone, for she was
1:14:47
still sore and angry. What right she kept demanding of herself, had Claire
1:14:54
Kendry to expose her, or even Gertrude Martin to such humiliation, such downright
1:14:59
insult. And all the while on the rushing ride out to her father's house,
1:15:02
Irene Redfield was trying to understand the look on Claire's face as she had
1:15:06
said good bye, partly mocking, it had seemed, and partly menacing,
1:15:12
and something else for which she could find no name. For an instant,
1:15:15
a recrudescence of that sensation of fear which she had had while looking into Claire's
1:15:18
eyes that afternoon touched her. A slight shiver ran over her. It's nothing,
1:15:24
she told herself, just somebody walking over my grave, as the children
1:15:28
say. She tried a tiny laugh and was annoyed to find that it was
1:15:31
close to tears. What a state she had allowed that horrible balloon to get
1:15:35
her into. And late that night, even long after the last guest had
1:15:40
gone and the old house was quiet, she stood at her window, frowning
1:15:44
out into the dark rain and puzzling again over that look on Claire's incredibly beautiful
1:15:48
face. She couldn't, however, come to any conclusion about its meaning try
1:15:53
as she might. It was unfathomable, utterly beyond any experience or comprehension of
1:15:58
hers. She turned and away from the window at last with a still deeper
1:16:02
frown. Why after all worry about Claire Kendrey. She was well able to
1:16:06
take care of herself, had always been able, and there were for Irene
1:16:11
other things more personal and more important to worry about. Besides her reason told
1:16:16
her she had only herself to blame for her disagreeable afternoon, in its attendant
1:16:19
fears and questions, she ought never to have gone. End of Chapter three,
1:16:27
Part one, Chapter four. The next morning, the day of her
1:16:31
departure for New York, had brought a letter which at first glance she had
1:16:35
instinctively known came from Claire Kendrey, though she couldn't remember ever having had a
1:16:41
letter from her. Before ripping it open and looking at the signature, she
1:16:44
saw that she had been right in her guess. She wouldn't, she told
1:16:47
herself read it. She hadn't the time, and besides, she had no
1:16:51
wish to be reminded of the afternoon before. As it was, she felt
1:16:55
none too fresh for her journey. She had had a wretched night, and
1:16:59
all because of claire innate lack of consideration for the feelings of others. But
1:17:03
she did read it. After father and friends had waved good bye and she
1:17:06
was being hurled eastward, she became possessed of an uncontrollable curiosity to see what
1:17:12
Claire had said about yesterday. For what, she asked as she took it
1:17:15
out of her bag and opened it. Could she what could any one say
1:17:19
about a thing like that? Claire Kendrey had said, Reen, Dear,
1:17:26
however, am I to thank you for your visit? I know you were
1:17:29
feeling that under the circumstances, I ought not to have asked you to come,
1:17:31
or rather insisted. But if you could know how glad, how excitingly
1:17:36
happy I was to meet you, and how I ache to see more of
1:17:40
you, to see everybody, and couldn't you would understand my wanting to see
1:17:44
you again and maybe forgive me a little My love to you always and always
1:17:48
to your dear father and all my poor thanks Claire. And there was a
1:17:54
postcrip that said, it may be Rereen, Dear, it may just be
1:17:59
that, after all, your way may be the wiser and infinitely happier one.
1:18:03
I'm not sure just now, at least not so sure as I have
1:18:06
been see. But the letter hadn't conciliated Irene. Her indignation was not lessened
1:18:14
by Claire's flattering reference to her wiseness, as if she thought, wrathfully,
1:18:18
anything could take away the humiliation, or any part of it, of what
1:18:23
she had gone through yesterday afternoon. For Claire Kendrey. With an unusual methodicalness,
1:18:27
she tore the offending letter into tiny, ragged squares that fluttered down and
1:18:31
made a small heap in her black, craped di sheen lap. The destruction
1:18:34
completed, she gathered them up, rose and moved to the train's end.
1:18:40
Standing there, she dropped them over the railing and watched them scatter on tracks,
1:18:44
on cinders, on forlorn grass, in rills of dirty water. And
1:18:48
that, she told herself, was that the chances were one in a million
1:18:53
that she would ever again lay eyes on Claire Kendrey. If, however,
1:18:57
that millionth chance should turn up, she had only to turn away her eyes
1:19:00
to refuse her recognition. She dropped Claire out of her mind and turned her
1:19:04
thoughts to her own affairs, to home, to the boys, to Brian,
1:19:10
Brian, who in the morning would be waiting for her in the great
1:19:13
clamorous station. She hoped that he had been comfortable and not too lonely without
1:19:17
her, and the boys not so lonely, that that old queer, unhappy
1:19:20
restlessness had begun again with him, that craving for some place strange and different,
1:19:26
which at the beginning of her marriage she had had to make such strenuous
1:19:29
efforts to repress, and which yet faintly alarmed her, though it now sprang
1:19:33
up at gradually lessening intervals end of chapter four, end of Part one,
1:19:42
Part two re Encounter, Chapter one. Such were Irene Redfield's memories as she
1:19:49
sat there in her room, a flood of October sunlight streaming in upon her,
1:19:55
holding that second letter of Claire Kendrey's, laying it aside, she regarded
1:19:59
within a astonishment that had in it a mild degree of amusement. The violence
1:20:02
of the feelings which it stirred in her. It wasn't the great measure of
1:20:06
anger that surprised and slightly amused her, that she was certain was justified and
1:20:12
reasonable, as was the fact that it could hold still strong and unabated across
1:20:16
the stretch of two years time entirely removed from any sight or sound of John
1:20:21
Below or of Claire, that, even at this remote date, the memory
1:20:26
of the man's words and manner had power to set her hands to trembling and
1:20:30
to send the blood pounding against her temples did not seem to her extraordinary.
1:20:34
But that she should retame that dim sense of fear of panic was surprising,
1:20:40
silly. That Claire should have written, should, even all things considered,
1:20:45
have expressed a desire to see her again, did not so much amaze her
1:20:48
to count as nothing the annoyances, the bitterness, or the suffering of others
1:20:54
that was Claire Well Irene's shoulders went up. One thing was sure that she
1:21:00
needn't and didn't intend, to lay herself open to any repetition of a humiliation
1:21:04
as galling and outrageous as that which, for Claire Kendry's sake she had borne
1:21:10
that time in Chicago. Once was enough, if at the time of choosing
1:21:15
Claire hadn't precisely reckoned the cost. She had nevertheless, no right to expect
1:21:19
others to help make up the reckoning. The trouble with Claire was not only
1:21:24
that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, but that she
1:21:27
wanted to nibble at the cakes of other folk as well. Irene Redfield found
1:21:31
it hard to sympathize with this new tenderness, this avowed yearning of Claire's for
1:21:36
my own people. The letter which she just put out of her hand was
1:21:41
to her taste a bit too lavish in its wordiness, a shade too unreserved
1:21:45
in the manner of its expression. It roused again that old suspicion that Claire
1:21:49
was acting not consciously, perhaps that is, not too consciously, but none
1:21:55
the less acting. Nor was Irene inclined to excuse what she turned Claire's downright
1:22:00
selfishness and mingled with her disbelief and resentment, was another feeling a question.
1:22:05
Why hadn't she spoken that day? Why, in the face of Belleu's ignorant
1:22:11
hate and aversion, had she concealed her own origin? Why had she allowed
1:22:15
him to make his assertions and express his misconceptions undisputed? Why simply because of
1:22:20
Claire Kendrey, who had exposed her to such torment, had she failed to
1:22:25
take up the defense of the race to which she belonged. Irene asked these
1:22:30
questions, felt them. They were, however, merely rhetorical, As she
1:22:33
herself was well aware, she knew their answers, every one, and it
1:22:38
was the same for them, all the sardony of it. She couldn't betray
1:22:42
Claire, even run the risk of appearing to defend a people that were being
1:22:45
maligned, for fear that that defense might, in some infinitesimal degree lead the
1:22:49
way to final discovery of her secret. She had to Claire Kendrey, a
1:22:54
duty she was bound to her by those very ties of race, which,
1:22:59
for all her repudiation of them, Claire had been unable to completely sever.
1:23:03
And it wasn't as Irene knew that Claire cared at all about the race or
1:23:08
what was to become of it. She didn't or that she had for any
1:23:12
of its members great or even real affection. Though she professed undying gratitude for
1:23:16
the small kindnesses which the Westover family had shown her when she was a child,
1:23:21
Irene doubted the genuineness of it, seeing herself only as a means to
1:23:26
an end where Claire was concerned. Nor could it be said that she had
1:23:30
even the slight artistic or sociological interest in the race that some members of other
1:23:33
races displayed. She hadn't. No, Claire Kendrey cared nothing for the race.
1:23:40
She only belonged to it. Not another damned thing, Irene declared aloud,
1:23:46
as she drew a fragile stalking over a pale beige colored foot. Aha,
1:23:51
swearing again, are you madam? Caught you in the act? That
1:23:55
time? Brian Redfield had come into the room in that noiseless way which,
1:24:00
in spite of the years of their life together, still had the power to
1:24:03
disconcert her. He stood looking down on her with that amused smile of his,
1:24:08
which was just the faintest bit supercilious, and yet was somehow very becoming
1:24:12
to him. Hastily, Irene pulled on the other stocking and slipped her feet
1:24:16
into the slippers beside her chair. And what brought on this particular outburst of
1:24:20
profanity? That is, if an indulgent but perturbed husband may inquire the mother
1:24:27
of sons too the times alas the times I've had this letter, Irene told
1:24:33
him. And I'm sure that anybody will admit it's enough to make a saint
1:24:38
swear the nerve of her. She passed the letter to him, and in
1:24:43
the act made a little mental frown, for with a nicety of perception,
1:24:46
she saw that she was doing it instead of answering his question with words,
1:24:49
so that he might be occupied while she hurried through her dressing, For she
1:24:54
was laid again and Brian, she well knew, detested that, why,
1:24:58
oh why couldn't she ever managed to be on time? Brian had been up
1:25:02
for ages, had made some calls for all she knew, besides having taken
1:25:05
the boys downtown to school, and she wasn't dressed yet had only begun damn
1:25:12
Claire this morning. It was her fault. Brian sat down and bent his
1:25:15
head over the letter, puckering his brows slightly in his effort to make out
1:25:19
Claire's scrawl. Irene, who had risen and was standing before the mirror,
1:25:24
ran a comb through her black hair, then tossed her head with a light
1:25:27
characteristic gesture in order to disarrange a little the set locks. She touched a
1:25:31
powder puff to her warm olive skin, and then put on her frock with
1:25:35
emotion so hasty that it was with some difficulty properly adjusted. At last,
1:25:41
she was ready, though she didn't immediately say so, but stood instead looking
1:25:45
with a sort of curious detachment at her husband across the room. Brian,
1:25:49
she was thinking, was extremely good looking, not of course pretty or effeminate.
1:25:55
The slight irregularity of his nose saved him from the prettiness, and the
1:25:59
rather marked his chin saved him from the effeminacy. But he was in a
1:26:02
pleasant masculine way, rather handsome. And yet wouldn't he perhaps have been merely
1:26:09
ordinarily good looking but for the richness the beauty of his skin, which was
1:26:13
of an exquisitely fine texture and deep copper color. He looked up and said,
1:26:19
Claire, that must be the girl you told me about meeting the last
1:26:23
time you were at home, the one you went to tea with. Irene's
1:26:27
answer to that was an inclination of the head. I'm ready, she said.
1:26:31
They were going downstairs, Brian deftly unnecessarily piloting her round the two short
1:26:36
curved steps just before the center landing. You're not, he asked, going
1:26:43
to see her. His words, however, were in reality not a question,
1:26:46
But as Irene was aware an admonition her front teeth just touched she spoke
1:26:53
through them, and her tones held a thin sarcasm. Brian darling, I'm
1:26:58
really not such an idiot that I don't read that. If a man calls
1:27:00
me a nigger, it's his fault the first time, but mine if he
1:27:03
has the opportunity to do it again. They went into the dining room.
1:27:09
He drew back her chair, and she sat down behind the fat bellied German
1:27:12
coffee pot, which sent out its morning fragrance, mingled with the smell of
1:27:15
crisp toast and savory bacon in the distance. With his long, nervous fingers,
1:27:20
he picked up the morning paper from his own chair and sat down.
1:27:26
Zulina, a small mahogany colored creature, brought in the grapefruit. They took
1:27:30
up their spoons. Out of the silence, Brian spoke blandly, My dear,
1:27:36
you misunderstand me entirely. I simply meant that I hope you're not going
1:27:40
to let her pester you. She will, you know, if you give
1:27:43
her half a chance, and she's anything at all like your description of her.
1:27:45
Anyway, they always do. Besides, he corrected the man, her
1:27:51
husband didn't call you a nigger. There's a difference, you know. No
1:27:57
certainly he didn't. Not actually he could, and not very well since he
1:28:00
didn't know, but he would have. It amounts to the same thing,
1:28:04
and I'm sure it was just as unpleasant. M I don't know, but
1:28:11
it seems to me. He pointed out that you, my dear, had
1:28:14
all the advantage. You knew what his opinion of you was, while he
1:28:18
well twas ever, thus we know always have they don't not quite it has.
1:28:26
You will admit its humorous side and sometimes its conveniences. She poured the
1:28:30
coffee. I can't see it. I'm going to write Claire to day if
1:28:35
I can find a minute. It's a thing we might as well settle,
1:28:39
definitely and immediately. Curious, isn't it that, knowing as she does his
1:28:44
unqualified attitude, She's still Brian interrupted, It's always that way, never known
1:28:49
it to fail. Remember Albert Hammond, how he used to be forever haunting
1:28:54
Seventh Avenue and Lennox Avenue in the dancing places, until some shine took a
1:28:59
shot at him for casting an eye toward his sheba. They always come back.
1:29:02
I've seen it happen time and time again. But why, Irene wanted
1:29:08
to know? Why if I knew that I'd know what race is. But
1:29:14
wouldn't you think that having got the thing or things they were after and at
1:29:17
such risk, they'd be satisfied or afraid. Yes, Brian agreed, you
1:29:24
certainly would think so. But the fact remains they aren't not satisfied. I
1:29:29
mean, I think they're scared enough most of the time when they give way
1:29:31
to the urge and slip back. Not scared enough to stop them, though
1:29:36
why the good God only knows. Irene leaned forward, speaking she was aware,
1:29:42
with a vehemence absolutely unnecessary, but which she could not control. Well,
1:29:46
Claire can just count me out. I've no intention of being the link
1:29:50
between her and her poor darker brethren after that scene in Chicago, too to
1:29:56
calmly expect me. She stopped short, suddenly too wrathful for words. Quite
1:30:02
right, the only sensible thing to do, let her miss you. It's
1:30:05
an unhealthy business, the whole affair always is. Irene nodded. More coffee,
1:30:12
she offered, thanks, No, He took up his paper again,
1:30:15
spreading it open with a little rattling noise. Selena came in, bringing more
1:30:19
toast. Brian took a slice and bit into it. With that audible crunching
1:30:24
sound that Irene disliked so intensely and turned back to his paper. She said,
1:30:30
it's funny about passing. We disapprove of it and at the same time
1:30:33
condone it. It excites our contempt, and yet we rather admire it.
1:30:39
We shy away from it with an odd kind of revulsion, but we protect
1:30:43
it. Instinct of the race to survive and expand rot Everything can't be explained
1:30:50
by some general biological phrase. Absolutely everything can. Look at the so called
1:30:58
whites who've left bastards all over the known earth, same thing in them,
1:31:01
instinct of the race to survive and expand. With that, Irene didn't at
1:31:06
all agree, but many arguments in the past had taught her the futility of
1:31:11
attempting to combat Brian on ground where he was more nearly at home than she.
1:31:15
Ignoring his unqualified assertion, she slid away from the subject entirely. I
1:31:20
wonder, she asked, if you'll have time to run me down to the
1:31:24
printing office. It's on a hundred and sixteenth Street. I've got to see
1:31:28
about some handbills and some more tickets for the dance. Yes, of course,
1:31:31
how's it going? Everything all set. Yes, I guess. So
1:31:36
the boxes are all sold, and nearly all the first batch of tickets,
1:31:40
and we expect to take in almost as much again at the door. Then
1:31:44
there's all that cake to sell. It's a terrible lot of work, though,
1:31:47
I'll bet it is uplifting. The brother's no easy job. I'm as
1:31:50
busy as a cat with fleas myself. And over his face there came a
1:31:55
shadow, Lord, how I hate sick people, and they're stupid, meddling
1:32:00
families and smelly, dirty rooms and climbing filthy steps in dark hallways. Surely,
1:32:06
Irene began fighting back the fear and irritation that she felt. Surely,
1:32:12
her husband silenced her, saying sharply, let's not talk about it, please,
1:32:16
And immediately, in his usual slightly mocking tone, he asked, are
1:32:19
you ready to go now? I haven't a great deal of time to wait.
1:32:24
He got up, She followed him out into the hall without replying.
1:32:28
He picked up his soft brown hat from the small table and stood a moment
1:32:31
whirling it round on his long tea colored fingers. Irene, watching him,
1:32:35
was thinking, it isn't fair. It isn't fair, after all these years,
1:32:42
to still blame her like this. Hadn't his success proved that she had
1:32:45
been right in insisting that he sticked to his profession right there in New York.
1:32:48
Couldn't he see even now that it had been best? Not for her?
1:32:54
Oh no, not for her. She had never really considered herself,
1:32:57
but for him and the boys. Was she never to be free of it?
1:33:00
That fear which crouched always deep down within her, stealing away the sense
1:33:05
of security, the feeling of permanence, from the life which she had so
1:33:09
admirably arranged for them all, and desired so ardently to have remained. As
1:33:12
it was, that strange and to her fantastic notion of Brian's going off to
1:33:16
Brazil, which though unmentioned yet lived within him, how it frightened her,
1:33:21
and yes, had angered her well, he asked lightly, I'll just get
1:33:28
my things one minute, she promised, and turned upstairs. Her voice had
1:33:32
been even, and her step was firm, But in her there was no
1:33:35
slackening of the agitation of the alarms which Brian's expression of discontent had raised.
1:33:41
He had never spoken of his desire since that long ago time of storm and
1:33:45
strain, of hateful and nearly disastrous quarreling, when she had so firmly opposed
1:33:49
him, so sensibly pointed out its utter impossibility and its probable consequences to her
1:33:54
and the boys, and had even hinted at a dissolution of their marriage in
1:33:58
the event of his persistence in his eyes idea. No there had been in
1:34:01
all the years that they had lived together since then, no other talk of
1:34:04
it, no more than there had been any other quarreling or any other threats.
1:34:10
But because so she insisted, the bond of flesh and spirit between them
1:34:14
was so strong she knew, had always known that his dissatisfaction had continued,
1:34:18
as had his dislike and disgust for his profession and his country. A feeling
1:34:25
of uneasiness stole upon her at the inconceivable suspicion that she might have been wrong
1:34:29
in her estimate of her husband's character, But she squirmed away from it.
1:34:32
Impossible, she couldn't have been wrong. Everything proved that she had been right,
1:34:38
more than right, if such a thing could be. And all,
1:34:41
she assured herself because she understood him so well, because she had actually a
1:34:45
special talent for understanding him. It was, as she sought, the one
1:34:50
thing that had been the basis of the success which she had made of a
1:34:54
marriage that had threatened to fail. She knew him as well as he knew
1:34:57
himself, or better, And why worry the thing, This discontent, which
1:35:02
had exploded into words, would surely die, flicker out at last. True.
1:35:08
She had in the past often been tempted to believe that it had died,
1:35:11
only to become conscious in some instinctive, subtle way, that she had
1:35:15
been merely deceiving herself for a while, and that it still lived. But
1:35:18
it would die. Of that, she was certain. She had only to
1:35:23
direct and guide her man to keep him going in the right direction. She
1:35:27
put on her coat and adjusted her hat. Yes, it would die as
1:35:30
long ago as she had made up her mind that it should. But in
1:35:33
the meantime, while it was still living and still had the power to flare
1:35:36
up and alarm her, it would have to be banked, smothered, and
1:35:41
something offered in its stead. She would have to make some plan, some
1:35:44
decision at once. She frowned, for it annoyed her intensely, for,
1:35:48
though temporary, it would be important and perhaps disturbing. Irene didn't like changes,
1:35:55
particularly changes that affected the smooth routine of her household. Well, it
1:36:00
couldn't be helped. Something would have to be done, And immediately she took
1:36:04
up her purse, and, drawing on her gloves, ran down the steps
1:36:06
and out through the door, which Brian held open for her, and stepped
1:36:10
into the waiting car. You know, she said, settling herself into the
1:36:15
seat beside him. I'm awfully glad to get this minute alone with you.
1:36:18
It does seem that we're always so busy. I do hate that, But
1:36:21
what can we do. I've had something on my mind for ever so long,
1:36:26
something that needs talking over and really serious consideration. The car's engine rumbled
1:36:31
as it moved out from the curb and into the scant traffic of the street.
1:36:34
Under Bryan's expert guidance, she studied his profile. They turned into Seventh
1:36:40
Avenue. Then he said, well, let's have it. No time like
1:36:45
the present for the settling of weighty matters. It's about Junior. I wonder
1:36:49
if he isn't going too fast in school. We do forget that he's not
1:36:53
eleven yet, surely it can't be good for him too well, if he
1:36:58
is, I mean going too fast. You know, of course, you
1:37:00
know more about these things than I do. You're better able to judge,
1:37:03
that is, if you've noticed or thought about it at all. I do
1:37:08
wish, Irene, that you wouldn't be forever fretting about those kids. They're
1:37:12
all right, perfectly all right, good strong, healthy boys, especially junior,
1:37:16
most especially junior. Well, I suppose you're right. You're expected to
1:37:21
know about things like that, and I'm sure you wouldn't make a mistake about
1:37:26
your own boy. Now why had she said that? But that isn't all.
1:37:30
I'm terribly afraid he's picked up some queer ideas about things, some things
1:37:34
from the older boys. You know. Her manner was consciously light. Apparently
1:37:40
she was intent on the maze of traffic, but she was still watching Bryan's
1:37:44
face closely on It was a peculiar expression, was it? Could it possibly
1:37:48
be a mixture of scorn and distaste queer ideas? He repeated, Do you
1:37:56
mean ideas about sex, Irene? Yes? Not quite nice ones, dreadful
1:38:01
jokes and things like that. Oh, I see, He threw at her
1:38:08
for a while. There was silence between them. After a moment, he
1:38:11
demanded, bluntly, well what of it? If sex isn't a joke,
1:38:15
what is it? And what is a joke as you please, Brian.
1:38:19
He's your son, you know. Her voice was clear level disapproving exactly,
1:38:26
and you're trying to make a molly coddle out of him. Well, just
1:38:29
let me tell you I won't have it. And you needn't think I'm going
1:38:31
to let you change him to some nice kindergarten kind of a school because he's
1:38:34
getting a little necessary education. I won't. He'll stay right where he is.
1:38:40
The sooner and the more he learns about sex, the better for him.
1:38:43
And most certainly, if he learns that it's a grand joke, the
1:38:45
greatest in the world, it'll keep him from lots of disappointments later on.
1:38:50
Irene didn't answer. They reached the printing shop. She got out emphatically,
1:38:57
slamming the car's door behind her. There is a peer piercing agony of misery
1:39:00
in her heart. She hadn't intended to behave like this, but her extreme
1:39:04
resentment at his attitude, the sense of having been wilfully misunderstood and reproved,
1:39:10
drove her to fury. Inside the shop, she stilled, the trembling of
1:39:14
her lips and drove back her rising anger. Her business transacted. She came
1:39:17
back to the car in a chastened mood, but against the armor of Brian's
1:39:21
stubborn silence, she heard herself saying, in a calm, metallic voice,
1:39:27
I don't believe I'll go back. Just now I remembered that I've got to
1:39:30
do something about getting something decent to wear. I haven't a rag that's fit
1:39:32
to be seen. I'll take the bus down town. Brian merely doffed his
1:39:38
hat in that maddening polite way which so successfully curbed and yet revealed his temper.
1:39:44
Good Bye, she said bitingly thanks for the lift, and turned towards
1:39:49
the avenue. What she wondered contritely was she to do next. She was
1:39:55
vexed with herself for having chosen, as it had turned out so clumsy an
1:39:59
opening. What she had intended to suggest some European school for junior next year,
1:40:03
and Brian to take him over. If she had been able to present
1:40:06
her plan and he had accepted it, as she was sure that he would
1:40:11
have done with other more favorable opening methods, he would have had that to
1:40:15
look forward to as a break in the easy monotony that seemed. For some
1:40:17
reason, she was wholly unable to grasp. So hateful to him, she
1:40:21
was even more vexed at her own explosion of anger. What could have gone
1:40:26
into her to give way to it in such a moment. Gradually her mood
1:40:30
passed. She drew back from the failure her first attempt at substitution, not
1:40:34
so much discouraged as disappointed and ashamed. It might be. She reflected that,
1:40:40
in addition to her ill timed loss of temper, she had been too
1:40:43
hasty in her eagerness to distract him, had rushed too closely on the heels
1:40:46
of his outburst, and had thus aroused his suspicions and his obstinacy. She
1:40:51
had but to wait Another more appropriate time would come tomorrow, next week,
1:40:57
next month. It wasn't now, as it had once been, that she
1:41:00
was afraid that he would throw everything aside and rush off to that formost place
1:41:04
of his heart's desire. He wouldn't. She knew he was fond of her,
1:41:09
loved her in his slightly undemonstrative way, and there were the boys.
1:41:15
It was only that she wanted him to be happy, resenting, however,
1:41:18
his inability to be so with things as they were, and never acknowledging that
1:41:21
though she did want him to be happy. It was only in her own
1:41:25
way, and by some plan of hers for him, that she truly desired
1:41:29
him to be so. Nor did she admit that all other plans, all
1:41:31
other ways she regarded as menaces, more or less indirect to that security of
1:41:38
place and substance which she insisted upon for her sons, and in a lesser
1:41:42
degree for herself. End of Chapter one, Part two, Chapter two.
1:41:50
Five days had gone by since Claire Kendrey's appealing letter. Irene Redfield had not
1:41:56
replied to it, nor had she had any other word from Claire. She
1:42:00
had not carried out her first intention of writing at once, because on going
1:42:03
back to the letter for Claire's address, she had come upon something which,
1:42:08
in the rigor of her determination to maintain unbroken between them, the wall that
1:42:12
Claire herself had raised, she had forgotten or not fully noted. It was
1:42:16
the fact that Claire had requested her to direct her answer to the post office's
1:42:20
general delivery that had angered Irene and increased her disdain and contempt for the other.
1:42:28
Tearing the letter across, she had flung it into the scrap basket.
1:42:30
It wasn't so much Claire's carefulness and her desire for secrecy in their relations.
1:42:35
Irene understood the need for that as that Claire should have doubted her discretion,
1:42:40
implied that she might not be cautious in the wording of her reply and the
1:42:44
choice of a posting box. Having always had complete confidence in her own good
1:42:47
judgment and tact, Irene couldn't bear to have any one seemed to question them,
1:42:53
certainly not Claire Kendrey. In another calmer moment, she decided that it
1:42:58
was, after all, better to answer nothing, to explain nothing, to
1:43:01
refuse nothing, to dispose of the matter simply by not writing at all.
1:43:06
Claire, of whom it couldn't be said that she was stupid, would not
1:43:10
mistake the implication of that silence. She might, and Irene was sure that
1:43:15
she would choose to ignore it and write again. But that didn't matter.
1:43:18
The whole thing would be very easy, the basket for all letters, silence
1:43:24
for their answers. Most likely she and Claire would never meet again, while
1:43:29
she, for one, could endure that since childhood their lives had never really
1:43:32
touched. Actually, they were strangers, strangers in their ways and means of
1:43:36
living, strangers in their desires and ambitions strangers, even in their racial consciousness.
1:43:44
Between them, the barrier was just as high, just as broad,
1:43:46
and just as firm as if in Claire did not run that strain of black
1:43:50
blood. In truth, it was higher, broader, and firmer, because
1:43:55
for her there were perils not known or imagined by those others who had no
1:44:00
such secrets to alarm or endanger them. The day was getting on towards evening.
1:44:05
It was past the middle of October. There had been a week of
1:44:09
cold rain, drenching the rotting leaves which had fallen from the poor trees that
1:44:13
lined the street on which the red Field's house was located, and sending a
1:44:16
damp air of penetrating chill into the house, with a hint of cold days
1:44:20
to come. In Irene's room, a low fire was burning outside. Only
1:44:26
a dull gray light was left of the day. Inside, lamps had already
1:44:30
been lighted from the floor above. There was the sound of young voices,
1:44:34
sometimes Junior's serious and positive, again Ted's deceptively gracious one. Often there was
1:44:42
laughter, or the noise of commotion, tussling, or toys being slammed down.
1:44:47
Junior, tall for his age, was almost incredibly like his father in
1:44:50
feature and coloring, but his temperament was hers practical and determined, rather than
1:44:57
Bryan's. Ted speculative and withdrawn, was apparently less positive in his ideas and
1:45:02
desires about him. There was a deceiving air of candor that was Irene knew,
1:45:08
like his father's show of reasonable acquiescence, if for the time being,
1:45:12
and with a charming appearance of artlessness, he submitted to the force of superior
1:45:15
strength or some other immovable condition or circumstance, it was because of his intense
1:45:20
dislike of scenes and unpleasant argument Brian over again. Gradually Irene's thoughts slipped away
1:45:28
from Junior and Ted to become wholly absorbed in their father. The old fear
1:45:33
with strength increased. Her fear for the future had again laid its hand on
1:45:38
her, and try as she might, she could not shake it off.
1:45:41
It was as if she had admitted to herself that, against the easy surface
1:45:45
of her husband's concordance with her wishes, which had since the war had given
1:45:48
him back to her. Physically unimpaired, covered an increasing inclination to tear himself
1:45:53
and his possessions loose from their proper setting, she was helpless. The chagrin
1:45:59
which she had felt at her first failure to subvert this latest manifestation of his
1:46:01
discontent had receded, leaving in its wake and uneasy depression. Were all her
1:46:08
efforts, all her labors to make up to him that one loss, all
1:46:12
her silence striving to prove to him that her way had been best, all
1:46:15
her ministrations to him, all her outward sinking of self, to count for
1:46:19
nothing in some unperceived sudden moment. And if so, what then would be
1:46:25
the consequences to the boys, to her, to Brian himself. Endless searching
1:46:30
had brought no answer to these questions. There was only an intense weariness from
1:46:34
their shuttle like procession in her brain. The noise and commotion from above grew
1:46:40
increasingly louder. Irene was about to go to the stairway and request the boys
1:46:44
to be quieter in their play when she heard the door bell ringing. Now,
1:46:47
who was that likely to be? She listened to Selina's heels faintly tapping
1:46:53
on their way to the door, then to the shifting sound of her feet
1:46:55
on the steps, then to her light knock on the bedroom door. Yes,
1:47:00
come in, Irene, told her Zulena stood in the doorway. She
1:47:04
said, someone to see you, Missus Redfield. Her tone was discreetly regretful,
1:47:10
as if to convey that she was reluctant to disturb her mistress at that
1:47:13
hour, and for a stranger, a missus bellew Claire, Oh, dear
1:47:20
tell her Zulena. Irene began that I can't, no, I'll see her,
1:47:27
Please bring her up here. She heard Zulena pass down the hall,
1:47:30
down the stairs, then stood up, smoothing out the tumbled green and ivory
1:47:34
draperies of her dress with light stroking pats at the mirror, she dusted a
1:47:40
little powder on her nose and brushed out her hair. She meant to tell
1:47:44
Claire Kendrey at once and definitely that it was of no use her coming,
1:47:47
that she couldn't be responsible. That she talked it over with Brian, who
1:47:51
had agreed with her that it was wiser for Claire's own sake to refrain.
1:47:56
But that was as far as she got in her rehearsal, for Claire had
1:47:59
come softly into the room without knocking, and before Irene could greet her,
1:48:02
had dropped a kiss on her dark curls, looking at the woman before her.
1:48:08
Irene Redfield had a sudden, inexplicable onrush of affectionate feeling. Reaching out,
1:48:13
she grasped Claire's two hands in her own and cried, with something like
1:48:16
awe in her voice, Dear God, but aren't you lovely Claire. Claire
1:48:23
tossed that aside, like the furs and small blue hat, which she threw
1:48:26
on the bed, before seating herself slantwise in Irene's favorite chair, with one
1:48:30
foot curled under her. Didn't you mean to answer my letter, Rene,
1:48:34
she asked gravely. Irene looked away. She had that uncomfortable feeling that one
1:48:41
has when one has not been wholly kind or wholly true. Claire went on,
1:48:45
Every day I went to that nasty little post office place, I'm sure
1:48:49
they were all beginning to think that I'd been carrying on an illicit love affair,
1:48:53
and that the man had thrown me over. Every morning the same answer,
1:48:57
nothing for you. I got into an awful fright thinking that something might
1:49:00
have happened to your letter or to mine, and half the nights I would
1:49:04
lie awake looking out at the watery stars, hopeless things the stars, worrying
1:49:10
and wondering but at last it soaked in that you hadn't written and didn't intend
1:49:14
to. And then, well, as soon as ever i'd seen Jack off
1:49:17
for Florida, I came straight here. And now, Rene, please tell
1:49:21
me, quite frankly, why you didn't answer my letter, Because you see,
1:49:27
Irene broke off and kept Claire waiting while she lit a cigarette, blew
1:49:30
out the match, and dropped it into a tray. She was trying to
1:49:33
collect her arguments for some sixth sense warned her that it was going to be
1:49:38
harder than she thought to convince Claire Kendrey of the folly of Harlem for her.
1:49:43
Finally, she proceeded, I can't help thinking that you ought not to
1:49:46
come up here, ought not to run the risk of knowing negroes. You
1:49:50
mean you don't want me, Rene. Irene hadn't supposed that any one could
1:49:56
look so hurt, She said, quite gently, No, Claire, it's
1:50:00
not that, but even you must see that it's terribly foolish and not just
1:50:04
the right thing. The tinkle of Claire's laugh rang out while she passed her
1:50:10
hands over the bright sweep of her hair. Oh Reene, she cried,
1:50:15
you are priceless, and you haven't changed a bit the right thing. Leaning
1:50:20
forward, she looked curiously into Irene's disapproving brown eyes. You don't you really
1:50:26
can't mean exactly that, nobody could. It's simply unbelievable. Irene was on
1:50:32
her feet before she realized that she had risen. What I really mean,
1:50:36
she retorted, is that it's dangerous, and that you ought not to run
1:50:40
such silly risks. No one ought to you, least of all. Her
1:50:45
voice was brittle, for into her mind had come a thought strange and irrelevant,
1:50:49
a suspicion that had surprised and shocked her and driven her to her feet.
1:50:55
It was that, in spite of her determined selfishness, the woman before
1:50:59
her was yet capable of heights and depths of feeling that she Irene Redfield had
1:51:03
never known, indeed, never cared to know the thought. The suspicion was
1:51:08
gone as quickly as it had come. Claire said, oh me. Irene
1:51:14
touched her arm caressingly, as if in contrition for that flashing thought. Yes,
1:51:18
Claire, you it's not safe, not safe at all safe. It
1:51:25
seemed to Irene that Claire had snapped her teeth down on the word, and
1:51:29
then flung it from her, and for another flying second she had that suspicion
1:51:32
of Claire's ability for a quality of feeling that was to her strange and even
1:51:36
repugnant. She was aware, too, of a dim premonition of some impending
1:51:41
disaster. It was as if Claire Kendrey had said to her for whom safety,
1:51:45
security were all important, safe damn being safe, and meant it.
1:51:54
With a gesture of impatience, she sat down. In a voice of cool
1:51:57
formality, she said, Jane and I have talked the whole thing over carefully
1:52:00
and decided that it isn't wise. He says, it's always a dangerous business,
1:52:04
this coming back. He's seen more than one come to grief because of
1:52:09
it. And Claire, considering everything, mister Blue's attitude and all that,
1:52:14
don't you think you ought to be as careful as you can. Claire's deep
1:52:17
voice broke the small silence that had followed Irene's speech. She said, speaking
1:52:21
almost plaintively, I ought to have known it's Jack. I don't blame you
1:52:28
for being angry, though I must say you behaved beautifully that day, But
1:52:31
I did think you'd understand Irene. It was that partly that has made me
1:52:35
want to see other people. It just swooped down and changed everything. If
1:52:41
it hadn't been for that, I'd have gone on to the end, never
1:52:43
seeing any of you. But that did something to me. And I've been
1:52:45
so lonely since. You can't know, not close to a single soul,
1:52:50
never any one to really talk to. Irene pressed out her cigarette. While
1:52:57
doing so, she saw again the vision of Claire Kendre staring disdainfully down at
1:53:00
the face of her father, and thought that it would be like that that
1:53:03
she would look at her husband if he lay dead before her. Her own
1:53:08
resentment was swept aside, and her voice held an accent of pity as she
1:53:12
exclaimed, why Claire, I didn't know? Forgive me. I feel like
1:53:16
seven beasts. It was stupid of me not to realize. No, not
1:53:21
at all. You couldn't nobody, None of you could. Claire moaned,
1:53:27
the black eyes filled with tears that ran down her cheeks and spilled into her
1:53:30
lap, ruining the priceless velvet of her dress. Her long hands were a
1:53:34
little uplifted and clasped tightly together. Her effort to speak moderately was obvious,
1:53:41
but not successful. How could you know, how could you You're free,
1:53:46
You're happy, and with faint derision safe. Irene passed over that touch of
1:53:54
derision, for the poignant rebellion of the other's words had brought the tears to
1:53:58
her own eyes, though she didn't allow them to fall. The truth was
1:54:00
that she knew weeping did not become her. Few women, she imagined,
1:54:04
wept as attractively as Claire. I'm beginning to believe, she murmured, that
1:54:11
no one is ever completely happy, or free or safe. Well, then
1:54:15
what does it matter? One risk more or less? If we're not safe
1:54:19
anyway, if even you're not, it can't make all the difference in the
1:54:23
world. It can't to me. Besides, I'm used to risks, and
1:54:28
this isn't such a big one as your trying to make it. Oh,
1:54:30
but it is, and it can make all the difference in the world.
1:54:34
There's your little girl, Claire, think of the consequences to her. Claire's
1:54:39
face took on a startled look, as though she were totally unprepared for this
1:54:43
new weapon with which Irene had assailed her. Seconds passed, during which she
1:54:47
sat with stricken eyes and compressed lips. I think, she said, at
1:54:51
last, that being a mother is the cruelest thing in the world. Her
1:54:57
clasped hands swayed forward and back again, and her scarlet mouth trembled irrepressibly.
1:55:02
Yes, Irene softly agreed for a moment she was unable to say more so
1:55:08
accurately had Claire put into words that which not so definitely defined, was so
1:55:13
often in her own heart of late. At the same time, she was
1:55:16
conscious that here to her hand was a reason which could not be lightly brushed
1:55:20
aside. Yes, she repeated, and the most responsible, Claire. We
1:55:27
mothers are all responsible for the security and happiness of our children. Think what
1:55:31
it would mean to your Marjorie. If mister Bulu should find out, you'd
1:55:34
probably lose her. And even if you didn't, nothing that concerned her would
1:55:39
ever be the same again. He'd never forget that she had Negro blood.
1:55:43
And if she should learn, well, I believe that after twelve it is
1:55:46
too late to learn a thing like that, she'd never forgive you. You
1:55:49
may be used to risks, but this is one you mustn't take, Claire.
1:55:54
It's a selfish whim and unnecessary. And yes, Zulina, what is
1:55:59
it? He inquired, A trifle tartly of the servant who had silently materialized
1:56:02
in the doorway. The telephones for you, missus Redfield, it's mister Wentworth.
1:56:09
All right, thank you, I'll take it here, and with a
1:56:12
muttered apology to Claire, she took up the instrument. Hullo, yes,
1:56:17
Hugh, oh quite and you. I'm sorry. Every single thing's gone oh
1:56:25
too bad. Yes I suppose you could not very pleasant though, yes,
1:56:31
of course, in a pinch everything goes. Wait, I've got it.
1:56:35
I'll changed mind with whoever's next to you and you can have that. No,
1:56:40
I mean it. I'll be so busy I sha'n't know whether I'm sitting
1:56:44
or standing, as long as Brian has a place to drop down now and
1:56:47
then not a single soul. No, don't that's nice, My love to
1:56:56
Bianca. I'll see to it right away and call you back good bye.
1:57:00
She hung up and turned back to Claire, a little frown on her softly
1:57:04
chiseled features. It's the n w L Dance, she explained, the Negro
1:57:10
Welfare League. You know, I'm on the ticket committee, or rather I
1:57:14
am the ticket committee. Thank heaven, it comes off tomorrow night and doesn't
1:57:16
happen again for a year. I'm about crazy, and now I've got to
1:57:20
persuade somebody to change boxes with me. That wasn't Claire asked, Hugh Wentworth?
1:57:28
Not thee Hugh Wentworth. Irene inclined her head on her face was a
1:57:32
tiny triumphant smile. Yes, THEE Hugh Wentworth. Do you know him?
1:57:39
No? How should I? But I do know about him, and I've
1:57:43
read a book or two of his. Awfully good, aren't they? Hum?
1:57:46
I suppose so sort of contemptuous, I thought, as if he more
1:57:51
or less despised everything and everybody, I shouldn't be a bit surprised if he
1:57:57
did. Still, he's about earned the right to lived on the edges of
1:58:00
nowhere, and at least three continents, been through every danger in all kinds
1:58:03
of savage places. It's no wonder he thinks the rest of us are a
1:58:06
lazy, self pampering lot. Hugh's a deer, though generous, is one
1:58:11
of the twelve Disciples. Give you the shirt off his back. Bianca,
1:58:15
that's his wife is nice too, And he's coming up here to your dance.
1:58:20
Irene asked, why not? It seems rather curious a man like that
1:58:25
going to a negro dance. This, Irene told her was the year nineteen
1:58:30
twenty seven in the city of New York, and hundreds of white people of
1:58:33
Hugh Wentworth's type came to affairs in Harlem More all the time, so many
1:58:39
that Brian had said, pretty soon the colored people won't be allowed in it
1:58:42
all, or we'll have to sit in jim crowed sections. What do they
1:58:46
come for? Same reason you're here to see negroes? But why various motives,
1:58:55
Irene explained. A few purely and frankly to enjoy themselves, other to
1:59:00
get material to turn into shekels. More to gaze on these great and near
1:59:03
great while they gaze on the negroes. Claire clapped her hand. Loreene,
1:59:10
suppose I come too. It sounds terribly interesting and amusing, and I don't
1:59:14
see why I shouldn't. Irene, who was regarding her through narrowed eyelids,
1:59:17
had the same thought that she had had two years ago on the roof of
1:59:20
the Drayton, that Claire Kendrey was just a shade too good looking. Her
1:59:25
tone was on the edge of irony, as she said, you mean because
1:59:29
so many other white people go a pale rose color came into Claire's ivory cheeks.
1:59:34
She lifted a hand in protest. Don't be silly, certainly not.
1:59:40
I mean that in a crowd of that kind, I shouldn't be noticed.
1:59:44
On the contrary, was Irene's opinion, it might even be doubly dangerous.
1:59:48
Some friend or acquaintance of John bellew or herself might see and recognize her.
1:59:54
At that, Claire laughed for a long time, little musical trills following one
1:59:58
another in sequence after seeks. Once it was as if the thought of any
2:00:01
friend of John Buluo's going to a negro dance was to her the most amusing
2:00:04
thing in the world. I don't think, she said, when she had
2:00:10
done laughing, we need worry about that. Irene, however, wasn't so
2:00:15
sure. But all her efforts to dissuade Claire were useless. To her.
2:00:19
You can never tell him you're likely to meet there. Claire's rejoinder was,
2:00:24
I'll take my chance on getting by. Besides, you won't know a soul,
2:00:29
and I shall be too busy to look after you. You'll be bored
2:00:30
stiff. I won't. I won't if nobody asks me to dance, not
2:00:35
even doctor Redfield. I'll just sit and gaze on the grate and near great
2:00:40
too. Do Reen be polite and invite me. Irene turned away from the
2:00:45
caress of Claire's smile, saying promptly and positively, I will not. I
2:00:51
mean to go anyway, Claire retorted, and her voice was no less positive
2:00:56
than Irene's. Oh no, you couldn't possibly go there alone. It's a
2:01:00
public thing. All sorts of people go, anybody who can pay a dollar,
2:01:03
even ladies of easy virtue looking for trade. If you were to go
2:01:08
there alone, you might be mistaken for one of them, and that wouldn't
2:01:10
be too pleasant. Claire laughed again. Thanks, I never have been.
2:01:15
It might be amusing. I'm mourning you Reen that if you're not going to
2:01:19
be nice and take me, I'll still be among those present. I suppose
2:01:24
my dollar's as good as any one's. Oh the dollar. Don't be a
2:01:29
fool, Claire. I don't care where you go or what you do.
2:01:31
All I'm concerned is the unpleasantness impossible danger which your going might incur because of
2:01:36
your situation. To put it frankly, I shouldn't like to be mixed up
2:01:40
in any row of the kind. She had risen again as she spoke,
2:01:43
and was standing at the window, lifting and spreading the small yellow chrysanthemums in
2:01:46
the gray stone jar on the sill. Her hands shook slightly, for she
2:01:50
was in a near rage of impatience and exasperation. Claire's face looked strange,
2:01:57
as if she wanted to cry again. One of her satin cover feat swung
2:02:00
restlessly back and forth. She said, vehemently, violently, Almost damn Jack.
2:02:06
He keeps me out of everything, everything I want. I could kill
2:02:11
him. I expect I shall some day. I wouldn't. Irene advised her.
2:02:16
You see, there's still capital punishment in this state at least, And
2:02:20
really, Claire, after everything's said, I can't see that you've got a
2:02:24
right to put all the blame on him. You've got to admit that there's
2:02:27
his side to the thing. You didn't tell him you were colored, so
2:02:30
he's got no way of knowing about this hankering of yours after negroes, or
2:02:33
that it galls you to fury to hear them called niggers and black devils.
2:02:38
As far as I can see, you'll just have to endure some things and
2:02:40
give up others. As we've said, before everything must be paid for.
2:02:45
Do please be reasonable. But Claire, it was plain, had shut away
2:02:49
reason as well as caution. She shook her head. I can't, I
2:02:54
can't, she said. I would if I could, but I can't.
2:02:57
You don't know. You can't realize how I want to say negroes, to
2:03:00
be with them again, to talk with them, to hear them laugh.
2:03:03
And in the look she gave Irene there was something groping and hopeless, and
2:03:08
yet so absolutely determined that it was like an image of the futile searching in
2:03:13
the firm resolution in Irene's own soul, and increased the feeling of doubt and
2:03:16
compunction that had been growing within her about Claire Kendrey. She gave in oh,
2:03:23
come if you want to. I suppose you're right once can't do such
2:03:26
a terrible lot of harm, Pushing aside Claire's extravagant thanks for immediately she was
2:03:31
sorry that she had consented. She said briskly, should you like to come
2:03:35
up and see my boys? I'd love to. They went up, Irene
2:03:40
thinking that Brian would consider that she behaved like a spineless fool, and he
2:03:44
would be right. She certainly had. Claire was smiling. She stood in
2:03:48
the doorway of the boy's play room, her shadowy eyes looking down on Junior
2:03:53
and Ted, who had sprung apart from their tussling. Junior's face had a
2:03:56
funny little look of resentment. Ted's was blank. Claire said, please,
2:04:01
don't be cross. Of course, I've know I've gone and spoiled everything.
2:04:05
But maybe if I promised not to get too much in the way, you'll
2:04:09
let me come in as the same. Sure, come in if you want
2:04:13
to. Ted told her, we can't stop you, you know. He
2:04:16
smiled and made her a little bow, and then turned away to a shelf
2:04:19
that held his favorite books. Taking one down, he settled himself in the
2:04:24
chair and began to read. Junior said, nothing, did nothing, merely
2:04:28
stood there waiting. Get up. Ted, that's rude. This is Theodore
2:04:33
missus below. Please excuse his bad manners. He does know better. And
2:04:39
this is Brian Junior, missus Beleeu is an old friend of mother's. We
2:04:43
used to play together when we were little girls. Claire had gone and Brian
2:04:47
had telephoned that he'd been detained and would have his dinner down town. Irene
2:04:51
was a little glad for that. She was going out later herself, and
2:04:55
that meant she wouldn't probably see Brian until morning, and so could put off
2:05:00
for a few more hours. Speaking of Claire and the n W Well dance,
2:05:03
she was angry with herself and with Claire, but more with herself for
2:05:08
having permitted Claire to tease her into doing something that Brian had all but expressly
2:05:13
asked her not to do. She didn't want him ruffled, not just then,
2:05:16
not while he was possessed of that unreasonable, restless feeling. She was
2:05:20
annoyed too, because she was aware that she had consented to something which,
2:05:25
if it went beyond the dance, would involve her in numerous petty and conveniences
2:05:29
and evasions, and not only at home with Brian, but outside with friends
2:05:32
and acquaintances. The disagreeable possibilities in connection with Claire Hendry's coming among them,
2:05:38
loomed before her in endless, irritating array. Claire, it seemed, still
2:05:43
retained her ability to secure the thing that she wanted in the face of any
2:05:46
opposition and an uttered disregard of the convenience and desire of others about her,
2:05:51
there was some quality, hard and persistent with the strength and endurance of rock
2:05:57
that would not be beaten or ignored. She couldn't. Irene thought have had
2:06:01
an entirely serene life, not with that dark secret forever crouching in the background
2:06:05
of her consciousness. And yet she hadn't the air of a woman whose life
2:06:10
had been touched by uncertainty or suffering. Pain, fear, and grief were
2:06:14
things that left their mark on people. Even love, that exquisite, torturing
2:06:18
emotion, left its subtle traces on the countenance. But Claire, she had
2:06:24
remained almost what she had always been, an attractive, somewhat lonely child,
2:06:30
selfish, wilful, and disturbing. End of Chapter two, Part two,
2:06:38
Chapter three. The things which Irene Redfield remembered afterward about the Negro Welfare League
2:06:44
dance seemed to her unimportant and unrelated. She remembered the not quite derisive smile
2:06:50
with which Brian had cloaked his vexation when she informed him, oh so apologetically
2:06:56
that she had promised to take Claire and related the conversation of her visit.
2:07:00
She remembered her own little, choked exclamation of admiration when, on coming downstairs
2:07:04
a few minutes later than she had intended, she had rushed into the living
2:07:08
room where Brian was waiting, and found Claire there too, Claire exquisite,
2:07:13
golden, fragrant, flaunting in a stately gown of shining black taffeta, whose
2:07:18
long, full skirt lay in graceful folds about her slim, golden feet,
2:07:23
her glistening hair drawn smoothly back into a small twist at the nape of her
2:07:26
neck, her eyes sparkling like dark jewels. Irene with her new rose colored
2:07:31
chiffon frock ending at the knees and her cropped curls felt dowdy and commonplace.
2:07:36
She regretted that she hadn't counseled Claire to wear something ordinary and inconspicuous. What
2:07:42
on earth would Brian think of deliberate courting of attention? But if Claire Hendry's
2:07:47
appearance had in it anything that was to Brian Redfield annoying or displeasing, the
2:07:53
fact was not discernible to his wife, as with an uneasy feeling of guilt,
2:07:57
she stood there, looking into his face while Claire explained that she and
2:08:00
he had made their own introductions, accompanying her words with a little deferential smile
2:08:05
for Brian and receiving in return one of his amused slightly mocking smiles. She
2:08:11
remembered Claire's saying, as they sped northward, you know, I feel exactly
2:08:15
as I used to on the Sunday we went to the Christmas Tree celebration.
2:08:18
I knew there was going to be a surprise for me and couldn't quite guess
2:08:22
what it was to be. I am so excited, you can't possibly imagine.
2:08:26
It's marvelous to be really on the way, I can hardly believe it.
2:08:31
At her words and tone, a chilly wave of scorn had crept through
2:08:35
Irene. All those superlatives, she said, taking care to speak indifferently.
2:08:39
Well, maybe in some ways you'll be surprised, more probably than you anticipate.
2:08:46
Brian at the wheel had thrown back, and then again, she won't
2:08:48
be so very surprised after all, for it'll no doubt be about what she
2:08:52
expects. Like the Christmas Tree, she remembered rushing around here and there,
2:08:58
consulting with this person and that and now, and then snatching a part of
2:09:01
a dance with some man whose dancing she particularly liked. She remembered catching glimpses
2:09:05
of Claire in the whirling crowd dancing, sometimes with a white man, more
2:09:09
often with a negro, frequently with Brian. Irene was glad that he was
2:09:15
being nice to Claire, and glad that Claire was having the opportunity to discover
2:09:18
that some colored men were superior to some white men. She remembered a conversation
2:09:22
she had with Hugh Wentworth in a free half hour, when she had dropped
2:09:26
into a chair in an emptied box and let her gaze wander over the bright
2:09:30
crowd below. Young men, old men, white men, black men,
2:09:35
youthful women, older women, pink women, golden women, fat men,
2:09:39
thin men, tall men, short men, stout women, slim women,
2:09:43
stately women, small women. Moved by an old nursery rhyme popped into her
2:09:48
head. She turned to Wentworth, who had just taken a seat beside her,
2:09:52
and recited it rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief,
2:09:56
doctor, lawyer, indian chief. Yes, Wentworth said, that's it.
2:10:03
Everybody seems to be here, and a few more. But what I'm trying
2:10:07
to find out is the name, status, and race of the blonde beauty
2:10:09
out of the fairy tale. She's dancing with Ralph Hazelton at the moment nice
2:10:15
study in contrasts that it was Claire fair and golden like a sunlit day,
2:10:22
Hazelton dark, with gleaming eyes like a moonlit night. She's a girl I
2:10:26
used to know a long time ago in Chicago, and she wanted especially to
2:10:31
meet you. Softly. Good of her, I'm sure, And now alas
2:10:35
the usual things happened, all these others, these er gentlemen of color,
2:10:39
have driven a mere Nordic from her mind. Stuff. It's a fact.
2:10:46
And what happens to all the ladies of my superior race who are lured up
2:10:48
here? Look at Bianca. Have I laid eyes on her to night?
2:10:52
Except in spots here and there, being twirled about by some Ethiopian I have
2:10:58
not. But Hugh, you've got to admit that the average colored man is
2:11:01
a better dancer than the average white man. That is, if the celebrities
2:11:05
and butter and egg men who find their way up here are fair specimens of
2:11:09
white Terpsichorean art, not having tripped the light fantastic with any of the males.
2:11:15
I am not in a position to argue the point, but I don't
2:11:18
think it's merely that something else, some other attraction. They're always raving about
2:11:24
the good looks of some negro, preferably an unusually dark one. Take Hazelton
2:11:28
there, for example, dozens of women have declared him to be fascinatingly handsome.
2:11:33
How about you, Irene, do you think he's a ravishingly beautiful I
2:11:39
do not, and I don't think the others do either, not honestly.
2:11:43
I mean I think what they feel is well, a kind of emotional excitement,
2:11:50
you know, the sort of thing you feel in the presence of something
2:11:52
strange and even perhaps a bit repugnant to you, something so different that it's
2:11:56
really at the opposite end of the pole from all your accustomedntions of beauty.
2:12:01
Dwned. If I don't think you're half right, I'm sure I am completely,
2:12:07
except of course, when it's just patronizing kindness on their part. And
2:12:11
I know colored girls have experienced the same thing the other way round, naturally,
2:12:16
And the men you don't subscribe to the general opinion about their reason for
2:12:20
coming up here purely predatory? Or do you no more curious? I should
2:12:26
say Wentworth, whose eyes were a clouded amber color, had given her a
2:12:31
long searching look that was really a stare. He said, All of this
2:12:37
is awfully interesting, Irene. We've got to have a long talk about it
2:12:39
sometime soon. There's your friend from Chicago, first time up here, and
2:12:43
all that a case in point. Irene's smile had only just lifted the corners
2:12:48
of her painted lips. A match blazed in Wentworth's broad hands as he lighted
2:12:52
her cigarette in his own, and flickered out before he asked, or isn't
2:12:58
she? Her smile changed to a laugh. Oh, Hugh, you're so
2:13:03
clever. You usually know everything, even how to tell the sheep from the
2:13:07
goats. What do you think is she? He blew a long, contemplative
2:13:13
wreath of smoke. Damned if I know, I'll be as sure as anything
2:13:16
that I've learned the trick. And then in the next minute I'll find I
2:13:18
couldn't pick some of em if my life depended on it. Well, don't
2:13:22
let that worry you. Nobody can not by looking, Not by looking,
2:13:28
eh, meaning I'm afraid I can't explain, not clearly. There are ways,
2:13:35
but they're not definite or tangible feeling of kinship or something like that.
2:13:41
Good heavens, no nobody has that except for their in laws. Right again,
2:13:46
But go on about the sheep and the goats. Well, take my
2:13:52
own experience with Dorothy Tompkins. I'd met her four or five times in groups
2:13:56
and crowds of people before I knew she wasn't a Negro. I went to
2:14:00
an awful tea, terribly dicty. Dorothy was there. We got talking in
2:14:05
less than five minutes. I knew she was fain, not from anything she
2:14:09
did or said, or anything in her appearance, just just something, a
2:14:15
thing that couldn't be registered. Yes, I understand what you mean. Yet
2:14:18
lots of people pass all the time, not on our side, Hugh.
2:14:24
It's easy for a Negro to pass for white, But I don't think it
2:14:28
would be so simple for a white person to pass for colored. Never thought
2:14:31
of that. No, you wouldn't. Why should you? He regarded her
2:14:37
critically, through mists of smoke slip in me Irene, she said, soberly,
2:14:43
not you, Hugh. I'm too fond of you, and you're too
2:14:46
sincere. And she remembered that towards the end of the dance, Brian had
2:14:52
come to her and said, I'll drop you first and then run Claire down,
2:14:56
and that he had been doubtful of her discretion, which she had explained
2:14:58
to him that he would have to bother because she had asked Bianca Wentworth to
2:15:01
take her down with them. Did she, he had asked, think it
2:15:05
had been wise to tell them about Claire. I told them nothing, she
2:15:09
said, sharply, for she was unbearably tired, except that she was at
2:15:13
the Walsingham. It's on their way, and really I haven't thought anything about
2:15:18
the wisdom of it. But now that I do, I'd say it's much
2:15:20
better for them to take her than you, as you please. She's your
2:15:26
friend, you know, he had answered, with a disclaiming shrug of her
2:15:28
shoulders. Except for these few unconnected things, the dance faded to a blurred
2:15:35
memory, its outlines mingling with those of other dances of its kind that she
2:15:39
had attended in the past and would attend in the future end of Chapter three,
2:15:46
Part two, Chapter four. But undistinctive as the dance had seemed,
2:15:52
it was nevertheless important, for it marked the beginning of a new factor in
2:15:56
I mean Redfield's life, something that left its trace on all the future years
2:16:00
of her existence. It was the beginning of a new friendship with Claire Hendrey.
2:16:05
She came to them frequently after that, always with a touching gladness that
2:16:09
welled up and overflowed on all the red Field household. Yet Irene could never
2:16:13
be sure whether her comings were a joy or vexation. Certainly she was no
2:16:18
trouble. She had not to be entertained or even noticed. If any one
2:16:22
could ever avoid noticing Claire. If Irene happened to be out or occupied,
2:16:26
Claire could very happily amuse herself with Ted and Junior, who had conceived for
2:16:30
her an admiration that verged on adoration. Especially Ted or lacking the boys,
2:16:35
she would descend to the kitchen and with to Irene, in exasperating childlike lack
2:16:41
of perception, spend her visit in talk and merriment with Zulina and Sadie.
2:16:46
Irene, while secretly resenting these visits to the play room and kitchen for some
2:16:50
obscure reason which she shied away from putting into words, never requested that Claire
2:16:54
make an end of them, or hinted that she wouldn't have spoilt her own
2:16:56
Marjorie so outrageously, nor been so friends with white servants. Brian looked on
2:17:01
these things with the same tolerant amusement that marked his entire attitude towards Claire.
2:17:07
Never since his faintly derisive surprise at Irene's information that she was to go with
2:17:11
them the night of the dance, had he shown any disapproval of Claire's presence.
2:17:15
On the other hand, it couldn't be said that her presence seemed to
2:17:16
please him. It didn't annoy or disturb him, so far as Irene could
2:17:20
judge, that was all, didn't he She once asked him think Claire was
2:17:26
extraordinarily beautiful? No, he had answered, that is not particularly Brian,
2:17:33
You're fooling No, Honestly, maybe I'm fussy. I suppose she'd be an
2:17:39
unusually good looking white woman. I like my ladies darker beside an a number
2:17:43
one sheba. She simply hasn't got em. Claire went sometimes with Irene and
2:17:48
Brian to parties and dances, and on a few occasions when Irene hadn't been
2:17:52
able or inclined to go out, she had gone alone with Brian to some
2:17:56
bridge party or benefit dance once in a while. While she came formally to
2:18:01
dine with them, she wasn't, however, in spite of her poisoned air
2:18:03
of worldliness. The ideal dinner party guest. Beyond the esthetic pleasure one got
2:18:09
from watching her, she contributed little, sitting for the most part silent,
2:18:13
an odd, dreaming look in her hypnotic eyes. Though she could, for
2:18:16
some purpose of her own, the desire to be included in some party being
2:18:20
made up, to go cabaret or an invitation to a dance or a tea
2:18:24
talk fluently and entertainingly. She was generally liked. She was so friendly and
2:18:28
responsive, and so ready to press the sweet food of flattery on all.
2:18:33
Nor did she object to appearing a bit pathetic and ill used so that people
2:18:37
could feel sorry for her. And no matter how often she came among them,
2:18:41
she still remained someone apart, a little mysterious and strange, someone to
2:18:46
wonder about and to admire and pity. Her visits were undecided and uncertain,
2:18:50
being as they were dependent on the presence or absence of John Bellew in the
2:18:54
city, but she did once in a while manage to steal up town for
2:18:58
an afternoon even when he was not away. As time went on without any
2:19:03
apparent danger of discovery, even Irene ceased to be perturbed about the possibility of
2:19:07
Claire's husband's stumbling on her racial identity. The daughter Marjorie had been left in
2:19:13
Switzerland and school for Claire and Blue would be going back in the early spring
2:19:18
in March. Claire thought, and how I do hate to think of it,
2:19:22
she would say, always with a suggestion of leash rebellion. But I
2:19:26
can't see how I'm going to get out of it. Jack won't hear of
2:19:28
my staying behind. If I could have just a couple of months more in
2:19:31
New York alone, I mean I'd be the happiest thing in the world.
2:19:37
I imagine you'll be happy enough once you get away, Irene told her one
2:19:41
day when she was bewailing her approaching departure. Remember there's Marjorie. Think how
2:19:45
glad you'll be to see her after all this time. Children aren't everything,
2:19:50
was Claire Kendrey's answer to that, There are other things in the world,
2:19:54
though I admit some people don't seem to suspect it. And she laughed more
2:19:58
it seemed at some seak great joke of her own than at her words.
2:20:01
Irene replied, you know you don't mean that, Claire. You're only trying
2:20:05
to tease me. I know very well that I take being a mother.
2:20:09
Rather seriously, I am wrapped up in my boys, in the running of
2:20:13
my house. I can't help it. And really, I don't think it's
2:20:16
anything to laugh at. And though she was aware of the slight primness in
2:20:20
her words and attitude, she had neither power nor wished to efface it.
2:20:24
Claire, suddenly, very sober and sweet, said, you're right, it's
2:20:28
no laughing matter. It's shameful of me to tease you, Rene. You
2:20:31
are so good, and she reached out and gave Irene's hand a little affectionate
2:20:37
squeeze. Don't think, she added, whatever happens that I'll ever forget how
2:20:41
good you've been to me. Nonsense. Oh but you have, you have.
2:20:48
It's just that I haven't any proper morals or sense of duty as you
2:20:50
have. That makes me act as I do. Now. You are talking
2:20:54
nonsense, but it's true, reen Can't you realize that I'm not like you
2:20:58
a bit? Why to get the things I want badly enough? I do
2:21:01
anything, hurt anybody, throw anything away? Really, Reene, I'm not
2:21:07
safe. Her voice, as well as the look on her face, had
2:21:09
a beseeching, earnestness that made Irene vaguely uncomfortable, She said, I don't
2:21:15
believe it in the first place. What you're saying is so utterly, so
2:21:18
wickedly wrong. And as for your giving up things, she stopped at a
2:21:22
loss for an acceptable term to express her opinion of Claire's having nature. But
2:21:28
Claire Kendrey had begun to cry audibly, with no effort at restraint, and
2:21:33
for no reason that Irene could discover. End of chapter four, end of
2:21:39
Part two, Part three, finale, Chapter one. The year was getting
2:21:48
on toward its end. October, November had gone, December had come and
2:21:54
brought with it a little snow, and then a frieze, and then after
2:21:56
that a thaw and some soft, pleasant days that had in them a feeling
2:22:01
of spring. It wasn't this mild weather a bit christmasy? Irene Redfield was
2:22:07
thinking as she turned out of Seventh Avenue into her own street. She didn't
2:22:11
like it to be warm and springy, when it should have been cold and
2:22:13
crisp, or gray and cloudy, as if snow was about to fall.
2:22:18
The weather like people ought to enter into the spirit of the season. Here
2:22:22
the holidays were almost upon them, and the streets through which she had come
2:22:26
were streaked with rills of muddy water, and the sun shone so warmly that
2:22:31
children had taken off their hats and scarfs. It was all as soft as
2:22:35
like April as possible, the kind of weather for Easter, certainly not for
2:22:41
Christmas, though she admitted reluctantly she herself didn't feel the proper Christmas spirit this
2:22:46
year either, but that couldn't be helped, it seemed, any more than
2:22:50
the weather. She was weary and depressed, and for all her trying,
2:22:56
she couldn't be free of that dull, indefinite misery which, with increasing tenaciousness,
2:23:01
had laid hold of her. The morning's aimless wandering through the teeming Harlem
2:23:05
streets, long after she had ordered the flowers, which had been her excuse
2:23:09
for setting out, was but another effort to tear herself loose from it.
2:23:13
She went up the cream stone steps into the house and down to the kitchen.
2:23:18
There were to be people into tea, but that she found after a
2:23:22
few words with Sadie and Zulina need give her no concern. She was thankful.
2:23:28
She didn't want to be bothered. She went upstairs and took off her
2:23:31
things and got into bed. She thought bother those people coming to tea.
2:23:37
She thought, if I could only be sure that at bottom, it's just
2:23:41
Brazil, She thought, whatever it is, if I only knew what it
2:23:46
was, I could manage it. Brian again unhappy, restless, withdrawn,
2:23:54
and she, who had prided herself on knowing his moods, their causes,
2:23:58
and their remedies, had found at first unthinkable and then intolerable that this so
2:24:05
like and yet so unlike those other spasmodic restlessnesses of his should be to her
2:24:11
incomprehensible and elusive. He was restless, and he was not restless. He
2:24:16
was discontented. Yet there were times when she felt he was possessed of some
2:24:20
intense, secret satisfaction, like a cat who had stolen the cream. He
2:24:24
was irritable with the boys, especially Junior, for Ted, who seemed to
2:24:30
have an uncanny knowledge of his father's periods of off moods, kept out of
2:24:33
his way when possible. They got on his nerves, drove him to violent
2:24:37
outbursts of temper, very different from his usual gently sarcastic remarks that constituted his
2:24:43
idea of discipline for them. On the other hand, with her, he
2:24:48
was more than customarily considerate and abstemious, and it had been weeks since she
2:24:52
had felt the keen edge of his irony. He was like a man marking
2:24:58
time weight. But what was he waiting for? It was extraordinary that,
2:25:03
after all these years of accurate perception, she now lacked the talent to discover
2:25:09
what the appearance of waiting meant. It was the knowledge that, for all
2:25:13
her watching, all her patient study, the reason for his humor still eluded
2:25:18
her, which filled her with foreboding dread. That guarded reserve of his seemed
2:25:24
to her unjust, inconsiderate, and alarming. It was as if he had
2:25:28
stepped out beyond her reach, into some section strange and walled where she could
2:25:33
not get at him. She closed her eyes, thinking what a blessing would
2:25:37
be if she could get a little sleep before the boys came in from school.
2:25:41
She couldn't, of course, though she was so tired, having had
2:25:45
of late, so many sleepless nights, nights filled with questionings and premonitions.
2:25:50
But she did sleep several hours. She wakened to find Brian standing at her
2:25:56
bedside, looking down at her, an unfathomable expression in his eyes. She
2:26:01
said, I must have dropped off to sleep, and watched a slender ghost
2:26:05
of his old, amused smile pass over his face. It's getting on to
2:26:11
four, he told her, meaning she knew that she was going to be
2:26:15
late again. She fought back the quick answer that rose to her lips and
2:26:20
said instead, I'm getting right up. It was good of you to think
2:26:22
to call me. She sat up. He bowed, always the attentive husband.
2:26:28
You see, yes, indeed, thank goodness, everything's ready except you.
2:26:35
Oh, and Claire's downstairs. Claire, what a nuisance? I didn't
2:26:41
ask her? Purposely, I see, might a mere man ask why?
2:26:48
Or is the reason so subtly feminine that it wouldn't be understood by him?
2:26:54
A little of his smile had come back. Irene, who was beginning to
2:26:58
shake off some of her depression under his familiar banter, said, almost gaily,
2:27:03
not at all. It just happens that this party happens to be for
2:27:07
Hugh, and that Hugh happens not to care a great deal for Claire.
2:27:11
Therefore, I, who happened to be giving the party, didn't happen to
2:27:15
ask her. Nothing could be simpler, could it? Nothing? It's so
2:27:20
simple that I can easily see beyond your simple explanation, and surmise that Claire
2:27:26
probably just never happened to pay Hugh the admiring attention that he happens to consider
2:27:31
no more than his just due, simplest thing in the world. Irene exclaimed,
2:27:37
in amazement. Why I thought you liked you? You don't. You
2:27:41
can't believe anything so idiotic. Well, Hugh does think he's God, you
2:27:46
know that, Irene declared, getting out of bed. Is absolutely not true.
2:27:54
He thinks ever so much better of himself than that, as you who
2:27:58
know and have read him, ought to be able to guess. If you
2:28:01
remember what a low opinion he has of God, you won't make such a
2:28:03
silly mistake. She went into the closet for her things, and, coming
2:28:09
back, hung her frock over the back of a chair and placed her shoes
2:28:11
on the floor beside it. Then she sat down before her dressing table.
2:28:16
Brian didn't speak. He continued to stand beside the bed, seeming to look
2:28:20
at nothing in particular, certainly not at her. True his gaze was on
2:28:26
her, but in it there was some quality that made her feel that at
2:28:28
that moment she was no more to him than a pane of glass. Through
2:28:31
which he stared at what she didn't know, couldn't guess, and this made
2:28:37
her uncomfortable, piqued her. She said, it's just that Hugh prefers intelligent
2:28:45
women. Plainly. He was startled. Do you mean that you think Claire's
2:28:50
stupid, he asked, regarding her with lifted eyebrows, which emphasized the disbelief
2:28:54
of his voice. She wiped the cold cream from her face before she said,
2:29:00
no, I don't. She isn't stupid. She's intelligent enough in a
2:29:03
purely feminine way. Eighteenth century France would have been a marvelous setting for her,
2:29:09
or the Old South if she hadn't made the mistake of being born a
2:29:11
negro. I see, intelligent enough to wear a tight bodice and keep bowing
2:29:18
swains, whispering compliments and retrieving dropped fans. Rather a pretty picture. I
2:29:24
take it, though, as slightly feline in its implication. Well, then
2:29:30
all I can say is that you take it wrongly. Nobody admires Claire more
2:29:33
than I do, for the kind of intelligence she has, as well as
2:29:37
for her decorative qualities. But she's not She isn't she hasn't. Oh,
2:29:45
I can't explain it take Bianca, for example, or to keep to the
2:29:48
race Felice Freeland looks and brains. Claire has got brains of a sort,
2:29:54
the kind that are useful, too acquisitive, you know. But she'd bore
2:29:58
a man like cue to suicide. Still, I never thought that even Claire
2:30:03
would come to a private party to which she hadn't been asked. But it's
2:30:07
like her. For a minute, there was silence. She completed the bright
2:30:13
red arch of her full lips. Brian moved towards the door. His hand
2:30:18
was on the knob. He said, I'm sorry, Irene, It's my
2:30:22
fault entirely. She seemed so hurt at being left out that I told her
2:30:26
I was sure you'd forgotten, and to just come along. Irene cried out,
2:30:31
but Brian I and stopped, amazed at the fierce anger that had blazed
2:30:35
up in her. Brian's head came round with a jerk, his brows lifted
2:30:39
in an odd surprise. Her voice, she realized, had gone queer.
2:30:45
But she had an instinctive feeling that it hadn't been the whole cause of his
2:30:48
attitude, and that little straightening motion of the shoulders hadn't it been like that
2:30:54
of a man drawing himself up to receive a blow. Her fright was like
2:30:58
a scarlet spear of terror leaping at her heart. Claire Kendrey, So that
2:31:05
was it? Ah impossible, It couldn't be. In the mirror before her,
2:31:09
she saw that he was still regarding her with that air of slight amazement.
2:31:13
She dropped her eyes to the jars and bottles on the table and began
2:31:16
to fumble among them with hands whose fingers shook slightly. Of course, she
2:31:22
said, carefully, I'm glad you did, And in spite of my recent
2:31:26
remarks, Claire does add to any party. She's so easy on the eyes.
2:31:31
When she looked again, the surprise had gone from his face and the
2:31:35
expectancy from his bearing. Yes, he agreed, well, I guess I'll
2:31:41
run along. One of us ought to be down. I suppose you're right.
2:31:46
One of us ought to. She was surprised that it was in her
2:31:48
normal tone. She spoke, caught as she was by the heart, since
2:31:52
that dull, indefinite fear had grown suddenly into sharp panic. I'll be down
2:31:58
before you know it, she promised, all right, but he still lingered,
2:32:03
you are quite certain you don't mind my asking her not awfully. I
2:32:07
mean, I see now that I ought to have spoken to you. Trust
2:32:11
women to have their reasons for everything. She made a little pretense at looking
2:32:16
at him, managed a tiny smile, and turned away. Claire, how
2:32:22
sickening, yes, don't they, she said, striving to keep her voice
2:32:28
casual. Within her she felt a hardness from feeling not absent but repressed,
2:32:33
and that hardness was rising, swelling. Why didn't he go? Why didn't
2:32:39
he? He had opened the door at last. You won't be long,
2:32:43
he asked, admonished. She shook her head, unable to speak, for
2:32:48
there was a choking in her throat, and the confusion in her mind was
2:32:52
like the beating of wings. Behind her, she heard the gentle impact of
2:32:56
the door as it closed behind him, and knew that he had gone down
2:33:01
to Claire. For a long minute, she sat in strained stiffness. The
2:33:05
face and the mirror vanished from her sight, blotted out by this thing which
2:33:09
had so suddenly flashed across her groping mind. Impossible for her to put it
2:33:15
immediately into words or give it outline, for prompted by some impulse of self
2:33:18
protection, she recoiled from exact expression. She closed her unseeing eyes and clenched
2:33:24
her fists. She tried not to cry, but her lips tightened, and
2:33:28
no effort could check the hot tears of rage and shame that sprang into her
2:33:33
eyes and flowed down her cheeks. So she laid her face in her arms
2:33:37
and wept silently. When she was sure that she had done crying, she
2:33:41
wiped away the warm remaining tears and got up. After bathing her swollen face
2:33:46
in cold, refreshing water and carefully applying a stinging splash of toilet water,
2:33:52
she went back to the mirror and regarded herself gravely. Satisfied that there lingered
2:33:56
no betraying evidence of weeping, she dusted a little power on her dark white
2:34:01
face and again examined it carefully and with a kind of ridiculing contempt. I
2:34:05
do think she confided to it that you've been something, how very much,
2:34:13
how a damned fool downstairs. The ritual of tea gave her some busy moments,
2:34:18
and that she decided was a blessing. She wanted no empty spaces of
2:34:22
time in which her mind would immediately return to that horror which she had not
2:34:26
yet gathered sufficient courage to face. Pouring tea properly and nicely was an occupation
2:34:31
that required a kind of well balanced attention in the room beyond, a clock
2:34:37
chimed a single sound. Fifteen minutes passed five o'clock. That was all,
2:34:43
And yet in the short space of half an hour, all of life had
2:34:46
changed, lost its color, its vividness, its whole meaning. No,
2:34:50
she reflected, it wasn't that that had happened. Life about her apparently went
2:34:54
on exactly as before. Oh, missus Runyon, so nice to see you
2:35:01
two, really, how exciting? Yes, I think Tuesday's all right.
2:35:09
Yes, life went on precisely as before. It was only that she had
2:35:13
changed, knowing stumbling on this thing had changed her. It was as if
2:35:18
in a house long dim a match had been struck, showing ghastly shapes where
2:35:24
it had been only blurred shadows. Chatter, chatter, chatter. Some one
2:35:28
asked her a question. She glanced up with what she felt was a rigid
2:35:33
smile. Yes, Brian picked it up last winter in Haiti. Terribly weird,
2:35:39
isn't it. It is rather marvelous in its own hideous way, and
2:35:43
practically nothing. I believe a few cents hideous. A great weariness came over
2:35:50
her. Even the small exertion of pouring golden tea into thin, old cups
2:35:54
seemed almost too much for her. She went on pouring, made repetitions of
2:35:58
her smile, answered questions, manufactured conversation. She thought, I feel like
2:36:05
the oldest person in the world, with the longest stretch of life before me.
2:36:09
Josephine Baker. No, I've never seen her. Well. She might
2:36:15
have been a shuffle along when I saw it, But if she was,
2:36:16
I don't remember her. Oh, but you're wrong. I do think ethel
2:36:20
Waters is awfully good. There were the familiar little tinkling sounds of spoons striking
2:36:26
against frail cups, the soft running sounds of inconsequential talk, punctuated now and
2:36:31
then with laughter, in irregular small groups, disintegrating, coalescing, striking just
2:36:37
the right note of disharmony, disorder. In the big room, which Irene
2:36:41
had furnished with a sparingness that was almost chaste, moved the guests with that
2:36:46
slight familiarity that makes a party a success. On the floor, in the
2:36:50
walls, the sinking sun through long fantastic shadows. So like many other tea
2:36:54
parties she had had so unlike any of those others. But she mustn't think
2:37:01
yet time enough for that. After all the time in the world she had
2:37:05
a second's flashing knowledge of what those words might portend. Time with Brian,
2:37:11
time without him, It was gone, leaving in its place an almost uncontrollable
2:37:16
impulse to laugh, to scream, to hurl things about. She wanted suddenly
2:37:22
to shock people, to hurt them, to make them notice her, to
2:37:24
be aware of her suffering. Hello, Dave, Felice, Really, your
2:37:31
clothes are the despair of half the women in Haarlem. How do you do
2:37:35
it? Lovely? Is it worth or lanvain? Oh a mere baboni,
2:37:43
merely that Felice Freeland acknowledged. Come out of it, Irene, whatever it
2:37:48
is, you look like the second grave digger. Thanks for the hint,
2:37:52
Felise. I'm not feeling quite up to par the weather, I guess by
2:37:58
yourself an expensive new Frock child. It always helps any time this child gets
2:38:03
the blues. It means money out of Dave's pocket. How are those boys
2:38:05
of yours? The boys for once she'd forgotten them, they were, she
2:38:11
told Felice very well. Felice mumbled, something about that being awfully nice,
2:38:16
and said she'd have to fly because for a wonder she saw missus Blue sitting
2:38:20
by herself, and I've been trying to get her alone all afternoon. I
2:38:24
want her for a party. Isn't she stunning? To day? Claire was.
2:38:30
Irene couldn't remember ever having seen her look better. She was wearing a
2:38:33
superlatively simple cinnamon brown frock, which brought out all her vivid beauty, and
2:38:39
a little golden bowl of a hat around her neck hung a string of amber
2:38:43
beads that would easily have made six or eight like one Irene owned. Yes,
2:38:48
she was stunning. The ripple of talk flowed on, the fire roared,
2:38:52
the shadows stretched longer. Across the room was Hugh. He wasn't,
2:38:58
Irene hoped, being too bored. He seemed as he always did, a
2:39:03
bit aloof a little amused and somewhat weary, And as usual he was hovering
2:39:07
before the bookshelves, but he was not, she noticed, looking at the
2:39:11
book he had taken down. Instead, His dull amber eyes were held by
2:39:16
something across the room. They were a little scornful. Well, Hugh had
2:39:20
never cared for Claire Kendrey. For a minute. Irene hesitated, then turned
2:39:24
her head, though she knew what it was that held Hugh's gaze, Claire
2:39:30
who had suddenly clouded all her days, Brian, the father of Ted and
2:39:35
Junior. Claire's ivory face was what it always was, beautiful and caressing,
2:39:41
or maybe to day a little masked, unrevealing, unaltered and undisturbed by any
2:39:46
emotion within or without. Brian's seemed to Irene to be pitiably bare. Or
2:39:52
was it too, as it always was, that half effaced, seeking look.
2:39:58
Did he always have that queer that now she didn't know, couldn't recall.
2:40:03
Then she saw him smile, and the smile made his face all eager
2:40:07
and shining. Impelled by some inner urge of loyalty to herself, she glanced
2:40:11
away, but only for a moment, and when she turned towards them again,
2:40:16
she thought that the look on his face was the most melancholy and yet
2:40:20
the most scoffing she had ever seen upon it. In the next quarter of
2:40:24
an hour, she promised herself to Bianca Wentworth in sixty second Street, Jane
2:40:28
Tennant at seventh Avenue on a hundred and fiftieth street, and the dash Shields
2:40:33
in Brooklyn for dinner, all on the same evening and at almost the same
2:40:37
hour. Oh well, what did it matter? She had no thoughts at
2:40:41
all now, and all she felt was a great fatigue before her tired eyes.
2:40:46
Claire Kendry was talking to Dave Freeland. Scraps of their conversation in Claire's
2:40:50
husky voice floated over to her. Always admired you so much about you long
2:40:56
ago. Everybody says so, no one but you, and more of the
2:41:03
same. The man hung rapt on her words, though he was the husband
2:41:07
of Felice Freeland and the author of novels that revealed a man of perception and
2:41:11
a devastating irony, and he fell for such pish posh and all because Claire
2:41:16
had a trick of sliding down ivory lids over astonishing black eyes, and then
2:41:22
lifting them suddenly and turning on a caressing smile. Men like Dave Freeland fell
2:41:26
for it, and Brian her mental and physical languor receded Brian, What did
2:41:35
it mean? How would it affect her and the boys? The boys?
2:41:39
She had a surge of relief, it ebbed vanished. A feeling of absolute
2:41:46
unimportance followed actually she didn't count. She was to him only the mother of
2:41:52
his sons. That was all alone. She was nothing worse an obstacle.
2:42:00
Rage boiled up in her. There was a slight crash on the floor.
2:42:03
At her feet lay the shattered cup. Dark stains dotted the bright rug spread.
2:42:09
The chatter stopped went on before her. Zolina gathered up the white fragments
2:42:16
as from a distance. Hugh Wentworth's clipped voice came to her. Though he
2:42:20
was she was aware, somehow miraculously at her side. Sorry, he apologized,
2:42:26
must have pushed you, clumsy of me. Don't tell me it's priceless
2:42:30
and irreplaceable. It hurt, dear God, how the thing hurt. But
2:42:35
she couldn't think of that now, not with Hugh sitting there mumbling apologies and
2:42:39
lies. The significance of his words, the power of his discernment, stirred
2:42:43
in her a sense of caution. Her pride revolted. Damn Hugh. Something
2:42:48
would have to be done about him now, She couldn't. It seemed help
2:42:52
his knowing. It was too late for that, But she could and would
2:42:56
keep him from knowing that. She knew she could. She would bear it.
2:43:00
She'd have to there were the boys. Her whole body went taut in
2:43:05
that second. She saw that she could bear anything, but only if no
2:43:07
one knew that she had anything to bear. It hurt, it frightened her,
2:43:13
but she could bear it. She turned to Hugh shook her head,
2:43:16
raised innocent dark eyes to his concerned pale ones. Oh no, she protested,
2:43:22
You didn't push me cross your heart hoped to die, and I'll tell
2:43:24
you how it happened. Done. Did you notice that cup? Well,
2:43:30
you're lucky. It was the ugliest thing that your ancestors, the Charming Confederates,
2:43:35
ever owned. I've forgotten how many thousands of years ago it was that
2:43:39
Bryan's great great grandnuncle owned it. But it has or had a good old
2:43:43
hoary history. It was brought north by way of the subway. Oh all
2:43:48
right, be English, if you want to, would call it the underground.
2:43:52
What I'm coming to is the fact that I've never figured out a way
2:43:54
of getting rid of it. Until about five minutes ago, I had an
2:43:56
inspiration. I had only to break, and I was rid of it forever,
2:44:01
So simple, and I'd never thought of it before. Hugh nodded,
2:44:05
and his frosty smile spread over his features. Had she convinced him still,
2:44:11
she went on with a little laugh. That didn't She was sure sound the
2:44:15
least bit forced. I'm perfectly willing for you to take the blame and admit
2:44:18
that you pushed me at the wrong moment. What her friends for? If
2:44:22
not to help bear our sins. Brian will certainly be told that it was
2:44:26
your fault. Mortea, Claire, I haven't had a minute with you.
2:44:31
Yes, it is a nice party. You'll stay to dinner, I hope.
2:44:35
Oh too bad, I'll be alone with the boys. They'll be sorry.
2:44:41
Brian's got a medical meeting or something. Nice. Frock you're wearing.
2:44:46
Thanks well, good bye, see you soon, I hope. The clock
2:44:52
chimed one, two, three, four, five six? Was it?
2:44:58
Could it be only a little over an hour since she had come down to
2:45:01
tea? One little hour? Must you go? Goodbye? Thank you so
2:45:09
much, so nice to see you. Yes Wednesday, my love to Madge.
2:45:15
Sorry but I'm filled up for Tuesday. Oh really, yes, goodbye?
2:45:22
Goodbye. It hurt. It hurt like hell, but it didn't matter
2:45:28
if no one knew, if everything could go on as before, if the
2:45:33
boys were safe. It did hurt, but it didn't matter end of chapter
2:45:41
one, Part three, Chapter two of Passing. This LibriVox recording is in
2:45:48
the public domain recording by Elizabeth Klett. Passing by NELLA Larson, Part three,
2:45:56
Chapter two. But it did matter. It mattered more than anything had
2:46:01
ever mattered before. What bitterness that, the one fear, the one uncertainty
2:46:07
that she had felt, Brian's ache to go somewhere else should have dwindled to
2:46:11
a childish triviality, and with it the quality of the courage and resolution with
2:46:18
which she had met it. From the visions and dangers which she now perceived,
2:46:22
she shrank away for them, she had no remedy or courage. Desperately
2:46:26
she tried to shut out the knowledge from which had risen this turmoil, which
2:46:31
she had no power to moderate or still within her, and half succeeded.
2:46:37
For she reasoned, what was there? What had there been to show that
2:46:41
she was even half correct in her tormenting notion? Nothing She had seen,
2:46:46
nothing heard nothing, She had no facts or proofs. She was only making
2:46:50
herself unutterably wretched by an unfounded suspicion. It had been a case of looking
2:46:56
for trouble and finding it in good measure merely that with this self assurance that
2:47:03
she had no real knowledge, she redoubled her efforts to drive out of her
2:47:07
mind the distressing thought of faiths broken and trusts betrayed, which every mental vision
2:47:11
of Claire of Brian brought with them. She could not would not go again
2:47:16
through the tearing agony that lay just behind her. She must, she told
2:47:20
herself, be fair. In all their married life, she had had no
2:47:24
slightest cause to suspect her husband of any infidelity, of any serious flirtation,
2:47:30
even if, and she doubted it, he had had his hours of outside
2:47:35
erratic conduct. They were unknown to her. Why begin now to assume them?
2:47:41
And on nothing more concrete than an idea that had leapt into her mind?
2:47:43
Because he had told her that he had invited a friend, a friend
2:47:46
of hers, to a party in his own house, and at a time
2:47:50
when she had been it was likely more asleep than awake. How could she,
2:47:56
without anything done or said or left undone or unsaid, so easily believe
2:48:01
him guilty? How be so ready to renounce all confidence in the worth of
2:48:05
their life together? And if perchance there were some small something, well,
2:48:09
what could it mean? Nothing? There were the boys, there was John
2:48:15
Belu. The thought of these three gave her some slight relief, but she
2:48:18
did not look the future in the face. She wanted to feel nothing,
2:48:22
to think nothing, simply to believe that it was all silly invention on her
2:48:26
part. Yet she could not not quite Christmas, with its unreality, its
2:48:35
hectic rush, its false gayety, came and went. Irene was thankful for
2:48:39
the confused unrest of the season, its irksomeness, its crowds, its inane
2:48:45
and insincere repetitions of genialities pushed between her and the contemplation of her growing unhappiness.
2:48:50
She was thankful too for the continued absence of Claire, who John Belu,
2:48:56
having returned from a long stay in Canada, had withdrawn to the other
2:48:58
life of hers, remote and inaccessible. But beating against the walled prison of
2:49:03
Irene's thoughts was the shunned fancy that, though absent Claire Kendrey was still present,
2:49:09
that she was close. Brian too had withdrawn the house contained his outward
2:49:16
self and his belongings. He came and went with his usual noiseless irregularity.
2:49:20
He sat across from her at table. He slept in his room next to
2:49:24
hers at night, but he was remote and inaccessible. No use pretending that
2:49:30
he was happy that things were the same as they always had been. He
2:49:33
wasn't, and they weren't. However, she assured herself it needn't necessarily be
2:49:39
because of anything that involved Claire. It was. It must be another manifestation
2:49:43
of the old longing. But she did wish it were spring March, so
2:49:48
that Claire would be sailing out of her life and Brian's. Though she had
2:49:52
come almost to believe that there was nothing but generous friendship between those two,
2:49:56
she was very tired of Claire Kendry. She wanted to be free of her
2:50:01
and of her furtive comings and goings. If something would only happen, something
2:50:07
that would make John Bleu decide on an earlier departure, or that would remove
2:50:11
Claire anything, she didn't care what, not even if it were that Claire's
2:50:16
Marjorie were ill or dying, not even if Blue should discover. She drew
2:50:20
a quick, sharp breath, and for a long time she sat staring down
2:50:24
at the hands in her lap. Strange. She had not before realized how
2:50:30
easily she could put Claire out of her life. She had only to tell
2:50:33
John Bulu that his wife, no, not that. But if he should
2:50:39
somehow learn of these Harlem visits, why should she hesitate? Why spare Claire?
2:50:46
But she shrank away from the idea of telling that man, Claire Hendry's
2:50:50
white husband, anything that would lead him to suspect that his wife was a
2:50:54
Negro. Nor could she write it, or telephone it, or tell it
2:50:58
to some one else who would tell him. She was caught between two allegiances,
2:51:03
different yet the same, herself her race, race, the thing that
2:51:09
bound and suffocated her. Whatever step she took, or if she took none
2:51:13
at all, something would be crushed a person or the race, Claire,
2:51:20
herself or the race, or it might be all three. Nothing she imagined
2:51:26
was ever more completely sardonic. Sitting alone in the quiet living room in the
2:51:31
pleasant firelight, Irene Redfield wished for the first time in her life that she
2:51:37
had not been born a Negro. For the first time, she suffered and
2:51:41
rebelled because she was unable to disregard the burden of race. It was.
2:51:46
She cried silently enough to suffer as a woman an individual on one's own account,
2:51:52
without having to suffer for the race, as well, it was a
2:51:54
brutality and undeserved. Surely no other people so cursed as Ham's dark children.
2:52:03
Nevertheless, her weakness, her shrinking, her own inability to compass the thing,
2:52:07
did not prevent her from wishing fervently that in some way with which she
2:52:11
had no concern, John Blow would discover not that his wife had a touch
2:52:16
of the tar brush. Irene didn't want that, but that she was spending
2:52:20
all the time that he was out of the city in Black Harlem, only
2:52:24
that it would be enough to rid her forever of Claire Kendree end of Chapter
2:52:31
two, Part three, Chapter three, As if in answer to her wish,
2:52:37
the very next day, Irene came face to face with Blue. She
2:52:43
had gone down town with Felice Freeland to shop. The day was an exceptionally
2:52:46
cold one, with a strong wind that had whipped a dusky red into Felice's
2:52:50
smooth, golden cheeks and driven moisture into Irene's soft brown eyes. Clinging to
2:52:56
each other with heads bent against the wind, they turned out of the avenue
2:53:01
into fifty seventh Street. A sudden bluster flung them around the corner with unexpected
2:53:05
quickness, and they collided with a man a pardon, Irene begged laughingly and
2:53:11
looked up into the face of Claire Kendrey's husband, Missus Redfield. His hat
2:53:18
came off. He held out his hand, smiling genially, but the smile
2:53:22
faded at once surprise, incredulity and was it understanding passed over his features he
2:53:31
had Irene knew become conscious of Felice, golden with curly black negro hair,
2:53:37
whose arm was still linked in her own. She was sure now of the
2:53:41
understanding in his face as he looked at her again and then back at Felice
2:53:46
and displeasure. He didn't, however, withdraw his outstretched hand, not at
2:53:50
once, but Irene didn't take it instinctively. In the first glance of recognition,
2:53:56
her face had become a mask, and now she turned on him a
2:54:01
totally uncomprehending look A bit questioning. Seeing that he still stood with hand outstretched,
2:54:07
she gave him the cool, appraising stare, which he reserved for mashers,
2:54:11
and drew Felice on. Felise drawled, aha, been passing, have
2:54:16
you well? I've queered that, Yes, I'm afraid you have. Why
2:54:24
Irene Redfield, you sound as if you cared terribly. I'm sorry. I
2:54:30
do, but not for the reason you think. I don't believe I've ever
2:54:33
gone native in my life except for the sake of convenience restaurants, theater tickets
2:54:37
and things like that. Never socially, I mean, except once. You've
2:54:43
just passed the only person that I've ever met disguised as a white woman.
2:54:48
Awfully sorry, be sure your sin will find you out and all that tell
2:54:52
me about it. I'd like to, it would amuse you, but I
2:54:58
can't. Felice's last was as languidly nonchalant as her cool voice. Can it
2:55:03
possible that the honest Irene has? Oh? Do look at that coat there,
2:55:09
the red one. Isn't it a dream? Irene was thinking I had
2:55:15
my chance and didn't take it. I had only to speak and to introduce
2:55:18
him to Felice with the casual remark that he was Claire's husband. Only that
2:55:24
fool, fool, that instinctive loyalty to a race. Why couldn't she get
2:55:30
free of it? Why should it include Claire? Claire who shown little enough
2:55:33
consideration for her and hers What she felt was not so much resentment as a
2:55:39
dull despair because she could not change herself in this respect could not separate individuals
2:55:43
from the race, herself from Claire Kendrey. Let's go home, Felise.
2:55:50
I'm so tired. I could drop. Why we haven't done half the things
2:55:52
we planned? I know, but it's too cold to be running all over
2:55:56
town. But you stay down if you want to. I think I'll do
2:56:00
that if you don't mind. And now another problem confronted Irene. She must
2:56:07
tell Claire of this meeting, warn her, but how she hadn't seen her
2:56:11
for days. Writing and telephoning were equally unsafe, And even if it was
2:56:16
possible to get in touch with her, what good would it do if Ballou
2:56:20
hadn't concluded that he'd made a mistake, if he was certain of her identity,
2:56:24
and he was nobody's fool. Telling Claire wouldn't avert the results of the
2:56:28
encounter. Besides, it was too late. Whatever was in store for Claire
2:56:33
Kendrey had already overtaken her. Irene was conscious of a feeling of relieved thankfulness
2:56:39
at the thought that she was probably rid of Claire, and without having lifted
2:56:43
a finger or uttered one word. But she did mean to tell Brian about
2:56:48
meeting John Beloo but that it seemed was impossible. Strange something held her back
2:56:54
each time she was on the verge of saying, I ran into Claire's husband
2:56:58
on the street down to to day. I'm sure he recognized me, and
2:57:01
Felice was with me. She failed to speak. It sounded too much like
2:57:05
the warning she wanted it to be. Not even in the presence of the
2:57:09
boys at dinner could she make the bare statement. The evening dragged on.
2:57:15
At last, she said good night and went upstairs. The words unsaid,
2:57:20
she thought, why didn't I tell him? Why didn't I? If trouble
2:57:24
comes from this, I'll never forgive myself. I'll tell him when he comes
2:57:28
up. She took up a book, but she could not read. So
2:57:31
oppressed was she by a nameless foreboding. What if Biluu should divorce Claire?
2:57:37
Could he? There was the Rhinelander case. But in France, in Paris,
2:57:41
such things were very easy if he divorced her, if Claire were free.
2:57:48
But of all the things that could happen, that was the one she
2:57:50
did not want. She must get her mind away from that possibility. She
2:57:54
must. Then came a thought which she tried to drive away. If Claire
2:58:01
should die then, Oh, it was vile to think, yes to wish
2:58:07
that. She felt faint and sick, but the thought stayed with her.
2:58:13
She could not get rid of it. She heard the outer door open close
2:58:18
Brian had gone out. She turned her face into her pillow to cry,
2:58:22
but no tears came. She lay there awake, thinking of things past,
2:58:28
of her courtship and marriage, and Junior's birth, of the time they had
2:58:31
bought the house in which they had lived so long and so happily, of
2:58:35
the time Ted had passed his pneumonia crisis and they knew he would live.
2:58:39
And of other sweet, painful memories that would never come again. Above everything
2:58:45
else, she had wanted, had striven to keep undisturbed the pleasant routine of
2:58:48
her life, and now Claire Kendrey had come into it, and with her
2:58:54
the menace of impermanence. Dear God, she prayed, make March whch come
2:59:00
quickly by and by she slept. End of Chapter three, Part three.
2:59:09
Chapter four. The next morning brought with it a snow storm that lasted throughout
2:59:13
the day. After a breakfast which had been eaten almost in silence, and
2:59:18
which she was relieved to have done with Irene Redfield lingered for a little while
2:59:24
in the downstairs hall, looking out at the soft flakes fluttering down. She
2:59:28
was watching them immediately fill some ugly irregular gaps left by the feet of hurrying
2:59:33
pedestrians, when Zulena came to her, saying, the telephone, Missus Redfield,
2:59:37
it's missus Blue. Take the message, Zulena, please. Though she
2:59:43
continued to stare out of the window, Irene saw nothing now. Stabbed as
2:59:48
she was by fear and hope. Had anything happened between Claire and Blue?
2:59:54
And if so, what and was she to be freed at last from the
2:59:58
aching anxiety of the past weeks, or was there to be more and worse.
3:00:03
She had a wrestling moment in which it seemed to her that she must
3:00:07
rush after Zulina and hear for herself what it was that Claire had to say.
3:00:11
But she waited. Zulina, when she came back, said, she
3:00:16
says, ma'am that she'll be able to go to missus Freeland's to night.
3:00:20
She'll be here some time between eight and nine. Thank you, Zuleina.
3:00:26
The day dragged on to its end. At dinner, Brian spoke bitterly of
3:00:31
a lynching that he had been reading about in the evening paper. Dad,
3:00:35
why is it that they only lynch colored people? Ted asked, because they
3:00:41
hate em? Son, Brian. Irene's voice was a plea and a rebuke.
3:00:46
Ted said, oh, and why do they hate them? Because they
3:00:52
are afraid of them? But what makes them afraid of em? Because,
3:00:58
Brian, it seems Son, that is a subject that we can't go into
3:01:03
at the moment without distressing the ladies of our family, he told the boy
3:01:07
with mock seriousness. But we'll take it up some time when we're alone together.
3:01:11
Ted nodded in his engaging grave way. I see, maybe we can
3:01:16
talk about it tomorrow on the way to school. That'll be fine, Brian.
3:01:24
Mother Junior remarked, that's the third time you've said Brian like that,
3:01:30
but it's not the last, Junior, never you fear, his father told
3:01:33
him. After the boys had gone up to their own floor, Irene said,
3:01:39
suavely, I do wish, Brian that you wouldn't talk about lynching before
3:01:43
Ted and Junior, it was really inexcusable for you to bring up a thing
3:01:46
like that at dinner. There'll be time enough for them to learn about such
3:01:50
horrible things when they're older. You're absolutely wrong. If, as you're so
3:01:56
determined, they've got to live in this damned country, they'd better find out
3:02:01
what sort of thing they're up against as soon as possible. The earlier they
3:02:03
learn it, the better prepared they'll be. I don't agree. I went
3:02:09
their childhood to be happy and as free from the knowledge of such things as
3:02:11
it possibly can be. Very laudable, was Bryan's sarcastic answer. Very laudable
3:02:18
indeed, all things considered. But can it certainly it can if only you'll
3:02:26
do your part stuff. You know as well as I do, Irene,
3:02:30
that it can't. What was the use of our trying to keep them from
3:02:33
learning the word nigger and its connotations? They found out, didn't they?
3:02:37
And how because somebody called Junior a dirty nigger? Just the same you're not
3:02:43
to talk to them about the race problem. I won't have it. They
3:02:48
glared at each other. I tell you, Irene, they've got to know
3:02:50
these things, and it might as well be now as later they do,
3:02:56
not, she insisted, forcing back the tears of anger that were threatening to
3:03:00
fall. Brian growled, I can't understand how anybody as intelligent as you like
3:03:05
to think you are can show evidences of such stupidity. He looked at her
3:03:11
in a puzzled, harassed way. Stupid, she cried, Is it stupid
3:03:16
to want my children to be happy? Her lips were quivering at the expense
3:03:20
of proper preparation for life and their future happiness. Yes, and I'd feel
3:03:26
I hadn't done my duty by them if I didn't give them some inkling of
3:03:28
what's before them. It's the least I can do. I wanted to get
3:03:31
them out of this hellish place years ago. You wouldn't let me. I
3:03:35
gave up the idea because you objected, don't expect me to give up everything.
3:03:41
Under the lash of his words, she was silent. Before any answer
3:03:45
came to her, he had turned and gone from the room. Sitting there
3:03:50
alone in the forsaken dining room, unconsciously pressing the hands lying in her lap
3:03:54
tightly together, she was seized by a convulsion of shivering, for to her,
3:04:00
there had been something ominous in the scene that she had just had with
3:04:01
her husband. Over and over in her mind. His last words, don't
3:04:07
expect me to give up everything, repeated themselves. What had they meant?
3:04:11
What could they mean? Claire Kendrey. Surely she was going mad with fear
3:04:16
and suspicion. She must not work herself up, She must not Where were
3:04:22
all the self control, the common sense that she was so proud of.
3:04:26
Now, if ever, was the time for it. Claire would soon be
3:04:30
there. She must hurry or she would be late again, and those two
3:04:33
would wait for her downstairs together, as they had done so often since that
3:04:37
first time, which now seemed so long ago. Had it really been only
3:04:41
last October? Why she felt years not months older. Drearily, she rose
3:04:48
from her chair and went upstairs to set about the business of dressing to go
3:04:52
out, when she would far rather have remained at home. During the process,
3:04:56
she wondered for the hundredth time why she hadn't told Brian about herself and
3:05:00
Philice running into Blue the day before, and for the hundredth time she turned
3:05:03
away from acknowledging to herself the real reason for keeping back the information. When
3:05:09
Claire arrived, radiant in a shining red gown, Irene had not finished dressing,
3:05:15
but her smile scarcely hesitated as she greeted her, saying, I always
3:05:18
seemed to keep c pea time, don't I We hardly expected you to be
3:05:22
able to come. Felice will be pleased. How nice you look. Claire
3:05:28
kissed a bare shoulder, seeming not to notice a slight shrinking. I hadn't
3:05:33
an idea in the world myself, and I'd be able to make it.
3:05:35
But Jack had run down to Philadelphia unexpectedly, so here I am. Irene
3:05:41
looked up a flood of speech on her lips. Philadelphia. That's not very
3:05:46
far, is it, Claire? I? She stopped, one of her
3:05:50
hands clutching the side of her stool, the other lying clenched on the dressing
3:05:54
table. Why didn't she go on and tell Claire about meeting Blue? Why
3:05:58
couldn't she? But Claire didn't notice the unfinished sentence. She laughed and said
3:06:03
lightly, it's far enough for me. Anywhere away from me is far enough.
3:06:09
I'm not particular. Irene passed a hand over her eyes to shut out
3:06:13
the accusing face in the glass before her. With one corner of her mind,
3:06:18
she wondered how long she had looked like that, drawn and haggard and
3:06:22
yes, frightened or was it only imagination? Claire? She asked, have
3:06:28
you ever seriously thought what it would mean if he should find you out.
3:06:33
Yes, oh you have, and what you do in that case? Yes?
3:06:39
And having said it, Claire Kendrey smiled quickly, a smile that came
3:06:43
and went like a flash, leaving untouched. The gravity of her face.
3:06:48
That smile and the quiet resolution of that one word yes, filled Irene with
3:06:52
a primitive, paralyzing dread. Her hands were numb, her feet like ice,
3:06:58
her heart like a stone weight. Even her tongue was like a heavy,
3:07:01
dying thing. There were long spaces between the words as she asked,
3:07:05
and what should you do? Claire, who was sunk in a deep chair,
3:07:09
her eyes far away, seemed wrapt in some pleasant, impenetrable reflection.
3:07:15
To Irene, sitting expectantly upright, it was an interminable time before she dragged
3:07:20
herself back to the present to say, calmly, I'd do what I want
3:07:24
to do, more than anything else right now. I'd come up here to
3:07:26
live, Harlem. I mean, then I'd be able to do as I
3:07:30
please, when I please. Irene leaned forward, cold and tense, And
3:07:35
what about Marjorie? Her voice was a strained whisper. Marjorie Claire repeated,
3:07:43
letting her eyes flutter over Irene's concerned face. Just this Reen. If it
3:07:48
wasn't for her, I'd do it anyway. She's all that holds me back.
3:07:52
But if Jack finds out, if our marriage is broken, that lets
3:07:56
me out, doesn't it. Her gentle resigned. Her air of innocent candor
3:08:01
appeared to her listener spurious. A conviction that the words were intended as a
3:08:05
warning took possession of Irene. She remembered that Claire Kendrey had always seemed to
3:08:11
know what other people were thinking. Her compressed lips grew firm and obdurate.
3:08:16
Well, she wouldn't know this time, she said, do go downstairs and
3:08:20
talk to Brian. He's got a mad on. Though she had determined that
3:08:24
Claire should not get at her thoughts and fears, the words had sprung un
3:08:28
thought of to her lips. It was as if they had come from some
3:08:31
outer layer of callousness that had no relation to her tortured heart, And they
3:08:37
had been, she realized, precisely the right words for her purpose. For
3:08:41
as Claire got up and went out, she saw that that arrangement was as
3:08:45
good as her first plan of keeping her waiting up there while she dressed,
3:08:48
or better, she would only have hindered and rasped her. And what matter
3:08:52
of those two spent one hour more or less alone together, one or many,
3:08:58
Now that everything had happened between them, Ah, the first time that
3:09:03
she had allowed herself to admit to herself that everything had happened, had not
3:09:07
forced herself to believe to hope that nothing irrevocable had been consummated. Well,
3:09:13
it had happened. She knew it, and knew that she knew it.
3:09:16
She was surprised that, having thought the thought, conceded the fact, she
3:09:22
was no more hurt, cared no more than during her previous frenzied endeavors to
3:09:26
escape it. And this absence of acute, unbearable pain seemed to her unjust,
3:09:31
as if she had been denied some exquisite solace of suffering, which the
3:09:35
full acknowledgment should have given her. Was it perhaps that she had endured all
3:09:39
that a woman could endure, of tormenting, humiliation and fear, or was
3:09:43
it that she lacked the capacity for the acme of suffering? No, No,
3:09:48
she denied fiercely. I'm human like everybody else. It's just that I'm
3:09:52
so tired, so worn out. I can't feel any more. But she
3:09:58
did not really believe that security. Was it just a word. If naught,
3:10:03
then it was only by the sacrifice of other things, happiness, love,
3:10:07
or some wild ecstasy. That she had never known that it could be
3:10:11
obtained, and did too much, striving too much faith and safety and permanence.
3:10:16
Unfit one for these other things. Irene didn't know, couldn't decide,
3:10:22
though for a long time she sat questioning and trying to understand. Yet all
3:10:26
the while, in spite of her searchings and feeling of frustration, she was
3:10:30
aware that to her security was the most important and desired thing in life,
3:10:35
not for any of the others, or for all of them which she exchange
3:10:39
it. She wanted only to be tranquil, only unmolested, to be allowed
3:10:43
to direct, for their own best good the lives of her sons and her
3:10:48
husband. Now that she had relieved herself of what was almost like a guilty
3:10:52
knowledge, admitted that which by some sixth sense she had long known, she
3:10:56
could again reach out for plans, could think again of to keep Brian by
3:11:01
her side and in New York, for she would not go to Brazil.
3:11:05
She belonged in this land of rising towers. She was an American. She
3:11:09
grew from this soil, and she would not be uprooted, not even because
3:11:13
of Claire Kendrey or a hundred Claire Kendres. Brian too belonged here. His
3:11:20
duty was to her and to his boys. Strange that she couldn't now be
3:11:26
sure that she had ever truly known love, not even for Brian. He
3:11:30
was her husband and the father of her sons. But was he anything more?
3:11:33
Had she ever wanted or tried for more? In that hour? She
3:11:37
thought not? Nevertheless, she meant to keep him. Her freshly painted lips
3:11:43
narrowed to a thin straight line. True, she had left off trying to
3:11:46
believe that he and Claire loved and yet did not love. But still she
3:11:50
intended to hold fast to the outer shell of her marriage, to keep her
3:11:54
life fixed. Certain brought to the edge of distasteful reality, her fest sstidious
3:12:00
nature did not recoil. Better, far better to share him than to lose
3:12:05
him completely. Though she could close her eyes if need be, She could
3:12:09
bear it. She could bear anything. And there was March ahead, March
3:12:13
and the departure of Claire horribly clear. She could now see the reason for
3:12:18
her instinct to withhold omit rather her news of the encounter with Blue. If
3:12:24
Claire was freed, anything might happen. She paused in her dressing, seeing
3:12:30
with perfect clearness that dark truth which she had from that first October afternoon felt
3:12:35
about Claire Kendrey, and of which Claire herself had once warned her. That
3:12:39
she got the thing she wanted because she met the greatest condition of conquest sacrifice.
3:12:45
If she wanted Brian, Claire wouldn't revolt from the lack of money or
3:12:48
place. It was, as she had said, Only Marjorie kept her from
3:12:52
throwing all that away. And if things were taken out of her hands,
3:12:56
even if she was only alarmed, only suspected that such a thing was about
3:13:01
to occur, anything might happen, anything, no at all costs. Claire
3:13:07
was not to know of that meeting with Blue, nor was Brian. It
3:13:09
would only weaken her own power to keep him. They would never know from
3:13:13
her that he was on his way to suspecting the truth about his wife,
3:13:16
and she would do anything, risk anything, to prevent him from finding out
3:13:20
that truth. How fortunate that she had obeyed her instinct and omitted to recognize
3:13:26
Blue. Ever, go up to the sixth floor Claire, Brian asked,
3:13:31
as he stopped the car and got out to open the door for them.
3:13:35
Why, of course we're on the seventeenth. I mean, did you ever
3:13:39
go up by nigger power? That's good, Claire laughed, ask Green,
3:13:45
My father was a janitor, you know, in the good old days before
3:13:48
every ramshackle flat had its elevator. But you can't mean we've got to walk
3:13:52
up not here, yes, here, and Felice lives at the very top.
3:13:58
Irene told her what on earth for? I believe she claims it discourages
3:14:03
the casual visitor, and she's probably right hard on herself, though Brian said,
3:14:11
yes, a bit. But she says she'd rather be dead than bored.
3:14:15
Oh a garden, and how lovely with that undisturbed snow, yes,
3:14:20
isn't it. But keep to the walk with those foolish thin shoes, you
3:14:24
too, Irene. Irene walked beside them on the cleared cement path that split
3:14:30
the whiteness of the courtyard garden. She felt a something in the air,
3:14:33
something that had been between those two and would be again. It was like
3:14:37
a live thing pressing against her. In a quick furtive glance, she saw
3:14:43
Claire clinging to Brian's other arm. She was looking at him with that provocative
3:14:46
upward glance of hers, and his eyes were fastened on her face with what
3:14:50
seemed to Irene in expression of wistful eagerness. It's this entrance, I believe,
3:14:56
she informed them, quite in her ordinary voice. Mind Brian told Claire,
3:15:01
you don't fall by the wayside before the fourth floor. They absolutely refused
3:15:05
to carry any one up more than the last two flights. Don't be silly,
3:15:09
Irene snapped. The party began gaily Dave Freeland was at his best,
3:15:16
brilliant, crystal clear and sparkling. Felise too, was amusing and not so
3:15:20
sarcastic as usual, because she liked the dozen ors O guests that dotted the
3:15:26
long, untidy living room. Brian was witty, though Irene noted his remarks
3:15:30
were somewhat more barbed than was customary even with him. And there was Ralph
3:15:35
Hazelton throwing nonsensical shining things into the pool of talk, which the others,
3:15:39
even Claire, picked up and flung back with fresh adornment. Only Irene wasn't
3:15:46
Mary. She sat almost silent, smiling now and then that she might appear
3:15:50
amused. What's the matter, Irene, some one asked, taken a vow
3:15:54
never to laugh or something? You're as sober as a judge. No,
3:15:58
it's simply that the rest of you are so clever that I'm speechless, absolutely
3:16:03
stunned, No wonder. Dave Freeland remarked that you're on the verge of tears.
3:16:07
You haven't a drink? What'll you take? Thanks? If I must
3:16:13
take something, make it a glass of ginger ale and three drops of scotch.
3:16:16
The scotch first, please, then the ice than the ginger ale.
3:16:20
Heavens, don't attempt to mix that yourself, Dave Darling have the butler in
3:16:26
Pelice mocked, yes, do, and the footman. Irene laughed a little,
3:16:31
then said, it seems dreadfully warm in here. Mind if I open
3:16:35
this window. With that, she pushed open one of the long casement windows
3:16:39
of which the Freelands were so proud. It had stopped snowing some two or
3:16:43
three hours back. The moon was just rising, and far behind the tall
3:16:46
buildings a few stars were creeping out. Irene finished her cigarette and threw it
3:16:52
out, watching the tiny spark drop slowly to the white ground below. Someone
3:16:56
in the room had turned on the phonograph or at the radio. She didn't
3:17:01
know which she disliked more, and nobody was listening to its blair, the
3:17:05
talking, the laughter, never four minutes ceased. Why must they have more
3:17:09
noise? Dave came with her drink. You ought not, He told her
3:17:15
to stand there like that, you'll take cold. Come along and talk to
3:17:18
me, or listen to me gabble. Taking her arm, he led her
3:17:22
across the room. They had just found seats when the doorbell rang, and
3:17:26
Felice called over to him to go and answer it. In the next moment,
3:17:30
Irene heard his voice in the hall, carelessly polite your wife, I'm
3:17:35
sorry, I'm afraid you're wrong. Perhaps next then the roar of John Blow's
3:17:39
voice above all the other noises of the room. I'm not wrong. I've
3:17:43
been to the red Fields and I know she's with them. You'd better stand
3:17:46
out of my way and save yourself the trouble in the end, what is
3:17:50
it? Dave. Felise ran out to the door, and so did Brian.
3:17:54
Irene heard himself saying, I'm Redfield, what the devil's the matter with
3:17:58
you? But Blue didn't heed him. He pushed past them all into the
3:18:03
room and strode towards Claire. They all looked at her as she got up
3:18:07
from her chair, backing a little from his approach. So you're a nigger,
3:18:13
a damned dirty nigger. His voice was a snarl and a moan,
3:18:18
an expression of rage and of pain. Everything was in confusion. The men
3:18:24
had sprung forward, Valise had leapt between them and Blue. She said quickly,
3:18:28
careful, you're the only white man here, and the silver chill of
3:18:33
her voice, as well as her words, was a warning. Claire stood
3:18:37
at the window, as composed, as if every one were not staring at
3:18:41
her in curiosity and wonder, as if the whole structure of her life were
3:18:45
not lying in fragments before her. She seemed unaware of any danger or uncaring.
3:18:50
There was even a faint smile on her full red lips and in her
3:18:52
shining eyes. It was that smile that maddened Irene. She ran across the
3:18:58
room, her terear tinged with ferocity, and laid a hand on Claire's bare
3:19:01
arm. One thought possessed her. She couldn't have Claire Hendry cast aside by
3:19:07
Blue. She couldn't have her free Before them stood John Blew, speechless now
3:19:13
in his hurt and anger. Beyond them, the little huddle of other people,
3:19:16
and Brian stepping out from among them. What happened next? Irene Redfield
3:19:22
never afterwards allowed herself to remember, never clearly. One moment Claire had been
3:19:28
there, a vital, glowing thing, like a flame of red and gold.
3:19:31
The next she was gone. There was a gasp of horror, and
3:19:37
above it a sound not quite human, like a beast in agony. Nig,
3:19:41
my god, nig. A frenzied rush of feet down long flights of
3:19:48
stairs, the slamming of distant doors. Voices. Irene stayed behind. She
3:19:54
sat down and remained quite still, staring at a ridiculous Japanese print on the
3:19:58
wall across the room. Gone. The soft white face, the bright hair,
3:20:03
the disturbing scarlet mouth, the dreaming eyes, the caressing smile, the
3:20:09
whole, torturing loveliness that had been Claire Kendrey, that beauty that had torn
3:20:13
at Irene's placid life. Gone, the mocking daring, the gallantry of her
3:20:18
pose, the ringing bells of her laughter. Irene wasn't sorry. She was
3:20:24
amazed, incredulous, almost what would the others think that Claire had fallen,
3:20:28
that she had deliberately leaned backward, certainly one or the other not. But
3:20:35
she mustn't, she warned herself, think of that. She was too tired
3:20:37
and too shocked. And indeed both were true. She was utterly weary,
3:20:41
and she was violently staggered. But her thoughts reeled on if only she could
3:20:46
be as free of mental as she was of bodily. Vigor could only put
3:20:50
from her memory the vision of her hand on Claire's arm. It was an
3:20:54
accident, a terrible accident, she muttered fiercely. It was People were coming
3:21:01
up the stairs through the still open door. Their steps and talk sounded nearer,
3:21:05
nearer. Quickly, she stood up and went noiselessly into the bedroom and
3:21:09
closed the door softly behind her. Her thoughts raced, ought she to have
3:21:13
stayed, Should she go back out there to them? But there would be
3:21:18
questions. She hadn't thought of them, of afterwards, of this, She
3:21:22
had thought of nothing in that sudden moment of action. It was cold,
3:21:26
Icy chills ran up her spine and over her bare neck and shoulders. In
3:21:31
the room outside, there were voices, Dave Frielan's and others that she did
3:21:35
not recognize. Should she put on her coat. Felice had rushed down without
3:21:39
any rap, so had all the others, so had Brian. Brian,
3:21:43
he mustn't take cold. She took up his coat and left her own.
3:21:46
At the door, She paused for a moment, listening fearfully. She heard
3:21:50
nothing, no voices, no footsteps. Very slowly she opened the door.
3:21:56
The room was empty. She went out. In the hall below, she
3:21:58
heard dimly the sound of feet going down, the steps, of a door
3:22:01
being opened and closed, and of voices far away. Down, down,
3:22:07
down she went, Brian's greatcoat clutched in her shivering arms, and trailing a
3:22:11
little on each step behind her. What was she to say to them when
3:22:16
she at last had finished going down those endless stairs? She should have rushed
3:22:20
out when they did? What reason could she give for her dallying behind?
3:22:22
Even she didn't know why she had done that? And what else would she
3:22:26
be asked? There had been her hand reaching out towards Claire. What about
3:22:31
that? In the midst of her wonderings and questionings came a thought so terrifying,
3:22:35
so horrible, that she had had to grasp hold of the banister to
3:22:39
save herself from pitching downwards. A cold perspiration drenched her shaking body. Her
3:22:43
breath came in short, sharp, painful gasps. What if Claire was not
3:22:50
dead? She felt nauseated, as much at the idea of the glorious body
3:22:54
mutilated as from fear. How she managed to make the rest of that journey
3:22:58
without fainting, She knew, knew, But at last she was down.
3:23:01
Just at the bottom, she came on the others, surrounded by a little
3:23:05
circle of strangers. They were all speaking in whispers or in the awed,
3:23:09
discreetly lowered tones, adapted to the presence of disaster. In the first instant,
3:23:13
she wanted to turn and rush back up the way she had come.
3:23:16
Then a calm desperation came over her. She braced herself physically and mentally.
3:23:24
Here's Irene now. Dave Freeland announced and told her that, having only just
3:23:28
missed her, they had concluded that she had fainted or something like that,
3:23:31
and were on the way to find out about her. Felise, she saw,
3:23:35
was holding on to his arm, and all the insolent nonchalance gone out
3:23:39
of her, and the golden brown of her handsome face changed to a queer
3:23:43
mauve color. Irene made no indication that she had heard Freeland, but went
3:23:46
straight to Brian. His face looked aged and altered, and his lips were
3:23:52
purple and trembling. She had a great longing to comfort him, to charm
3:23:56
away his suffering and horror, but she was helpless, having so completely lost
3:24:01
control of his mind and heart. She stammered, is she is she?
3:24:07
It was Felice who answered instantly, we think. Irene struggled against the sob
3:24:13
of thankfulness that rose in her throat, choked down, it turned to a
3:24:18
whimper, like a hurt child. Some one laid a hand on her shoulder
3:24:22
in a soothing gesture. Brian wrapped his coat about her. She began to
3:24:26
cry rackingly, her entire body heaving with convulsive sobs. He made a slight,
3:24:31
perfunctory attempt to comfort her. There there, Irene, you mustn't.
3:24:37
You'll make yourself sick. She's His voice broke suddenly, as from a long
3:24:43
distance. She heard Ralph Hazelton's voice saying, I was looking right at her.
3:24:46
She just tumbled over and was gone. Before you could say, Jack
3:24:50
Robinson fainted. I guess lord, it was quick quickest thing I ever saw
3:24:54
in all my life. It's impossible, I tell you, absolutely possible.
3:25:01
It was Brian who spoke in that frenzied, hoarse voice which Irene had never
3:25:05
heard before her knees quaked under her. Dave Freeland said, just a minute,
3:25:09
Brian, Irene was there beside her. Let's hear what she has to
3:25:13
say. She had a moment of stark, craven fear. Oh God,
3:25:18
she thought, prayed, help me. A strange man, official and authoritative,
3:25:24
addressed her. You're sure she fell. Her husband didn't give her a
3:25:28
shove or anything like that, as doctor Redfield seems to think. For the
3:25:31
first time, she was aware that Ballou was not in the little group shivering
3:25:35
in the small hallway. What did that mean? As she began to work
3:25:39
it out in her numbed mind, she was shaken with another hideous trembling.
3:25:43
Not that, oh, not that, No, no, she protested.
3:25:48
I'm quite certain that he didn't. I was there too, as close as
3:25:52
he was. She just fell before anybody could stop her. I her quaking
3:25:56
knees gave way under her. She moaned and sank down, moaned again through
3:26:01
the great heaviness that submerged and drowned her. She was dimly conscious of strong
3:26:07
arms lifting her up. Then everything was dark. Centuries after, she heard
3:26:13
the strange man saying, death by misadventure, I'm inclined to believe. Let's
3:26:18
go up and have another look at that window. End of Part three.
3:26:24
End of Passing by Nella Larson