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What It Means when a narcissist doesn't reach out to you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what does it mean when a narcissist doesn't reach out?
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  When they refuse to reach out to you, when the relationship ends
• 0:07
  and you no longer hear from this person, What does that mean?
• 0:11
  Does it mean the narcissist has moved on?
• 0:14
  Doesn't mean that they're just waiting, hiding in wait.
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  What does it mean? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, I'm Lee
• 0:21
  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I
• 0:23
  give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:26
  The mind of a narcissistic person, y'all.
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  So we're going to hop right into it.
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  No filter, no cuts, no intro. This time I'm thinking of
• 0:34
  bringing the intro back here and there, but we go and see.
• 0:38
  But yeah, what does it mean when an arson stops reaching out?
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  So the first thing that it could mean, y'all, let's get this out
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  the way very quickly. It could absolutely mean that
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  they are done with you. Seriously, it could absolutely,
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  100% positively mean that this narcissistic person, this type
• 0:54
  of person or whatever is completely done with you.
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  Like they're not reaching out to you anymore.
• 0:59
  They just said, you know what, bump it.
• 1:01
  I tried my best, I tried my hardest.
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  They're done with me. They, I don't hear from them
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  anymore. It's over and done with.
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  I have no more energy to waste. I can't.
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  You mean they just could be completely done with you and the
• 1:13
  relationship could be completely over.
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  You might not ever hear from this person again, right?
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  But don't let right there. What gets a lot of people when I
• 1:22
  say that about not reaching out or whatever about sometimes they
• 1:26
  might be done is that you start attaching yourself worth to
• 1:31
  whether or not they reach out to you.
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  You start just literally attaching your worth and your
• 1:36
  value to the the amount of times that they reach out.
• 1:39
  Y'all understand if you feel this way, if you just like Lee I
• 1:42
  yeah, you're right. I did start questioning my my
• 1:45
  own worth, worth and value when they didn't reach out to me,
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  when they when they didn't try to Hoover me.
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  Y'all understand that there are people that are praying every
• 1:53
  night and every day multiple times sometimes that that
• 1:58
  narcissistic person will leave them the hell alone.
• 2:00
  They're stalking them, they're harassing them, they're popping
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  up at their jobs, they're doing all this other stuff.
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  They're praying to be in your shoes.
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  So don't pray that. Don't, don't pray yourself out
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  of your shoes, right? Because there are people who
• 2:12
  will want to be in your position.
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  Like, I wish they would leave me the hell alone.
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  I wish they would stop reaching out.
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  Don't attach your worth or your value to whether or not this
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  person decides to Hoover you or not.
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  I'm telling you, it does not help you heal it.
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  It helps. Yeah, I'm just being real.
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  It helps 0%. It does not help anybody out.
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  It actually can keep you stuck with this toxic narcissistic
• 2:32
  person. But I digress.
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  Do not attach your worth or value to whether or not a
• 2:38
  narcissist is reaching out to you.
• 2:40
  Secondly, A narcissist might not reach out to you anymore.
• 2:44
  Y'all, because you ended it. You caused such a narcissistic
• 2:51
  injury. You fractured the hell out of
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  their ego that they like. You know what?
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  Hell no. I got to be done with you.
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  I can't deal with this no more. I cannot.
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  I cannot justify beating myself up emotionally anymore to deal
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  with this. So they might be done with you
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  because you, like you, ended it. You caused such a narcissistic
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  injury that they have no other choice but to be done.
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  You know what I mean? They have no other options.
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  They can't look. They don't get a say in it
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  because you took your power back.
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  You did it. You took your power back.
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  You destroyed their ego. You caused a narcissist the
• 3:29
  injury, a collapse so furious that they might not ever recover
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  from it, right? They may not ever recover from
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  it. And again, if you caused a
• 3:40
  narcissist the injury, I'm not saying that they look.
• 3:43
  Just because they reach out doesn't mean that they're not
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  done with you. They could come and try to hurt
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  you, you know, So just be careful.
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  If you feel like you expose them or you embarrass them and
• 3:53
  everybody like their reputation has took a significant hit
• 3:57
  because you did what you did, then clap with then be careful
• 4:00
  and stay safe because as you know, a narcissist ego is
• 4:05
  extremely important to them. It is absolutely important to
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  them in any in every way, shape or form.
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  It absolutely is. So that's something that you
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  have to think about right there. Like the narcissist ego is
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  absolutely 100% dead, like dead serious important to them.
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  So you have to reconcile with it.
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  You have to find a way to to breakthrough that right there
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  that if you left them, if you discarded them, if you broke up
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  with them and they were not prepared for it, right, They
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  were not prepared for it, then you, you this could be a
• 4:34
  victorious to y'all. I know some of y'all want to win
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  when I'm talking, when I'm talking to some people
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  one-on-one, One thing that a lot of people say is I just want to
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  win. Lee, what does winning look
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  like? I know they say I want to win.
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  I just want to feel like I beat them and defeated them.
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  I want to feel like I got a victory.
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  And I asked them the simple question, what does winning look
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  like to you? Seriously, what does winning
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  look like to you? Because if you don't, if you
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  can't define winning, then you'll never win.
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  If you can't define what a victory is, then you will never
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  win. Some people see a silver medal
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  in the Olympics as a victory because they didn't think they
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  were finished in the top 3. Some people see a bronze medal.
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  Some people see crossing the finish line in the Olympics or
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  qualifying for the Olympics as a win in and of itself.
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  Right? But some people see second place
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  as a loss, a silver medal, or a bronze medal as a loss.
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  A gold medal is the only thing is a victory for them.
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  What does winning look like to you?
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  You have to reframe. You have to frame what is a
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  victory looks like, what defeating them looks like, what
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  a win looks like, because narcissists think to think in
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  terms of wins and losses, and they think that they're going to
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  beat you. So moving on, you moving on.
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  You living your best life could. And you discarding them and
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  embarrassing them or exposing them, Yeah, they could cause a
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  ferocious narcissistic injury that they cannot recover from.
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  And if they can't recover from it, the hell what they gonna do
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  If they can't recover from it, what can they do?
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  You know what I mean? That's something to think about
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  as well. Also, another reason why some of
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  these pesky desky, narcissistic people won't reach out is
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  because, yeah, seriously, because you might have moved on.
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  Let's just, I'm going to put both of them into one thing
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  right here. Both of y'all have moved on.
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  You might have had. They might have a new supply and
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  you might have a new partner. If they don't have a new supply
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  and you have a new partner that makes them feel small, then
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  yeah, they might not ever reach out to you again, y'all?
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  If they start reaching out to you, then yes, they might.
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  You they might understand that you have a new person, that
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  you've moved on, that you have found someone else.
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  And no. Yeah, let me say this right here
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  because I had a lady I talked to very recently that she had
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  disconnected from her narcissist.
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  He was cheating, lying, abusing her, and then the relationship
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  ended and he didn't have anybody else and she found somebody new
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  1st and she thought she was a narcissist because she found
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  somebody new first. There's no time limit on healing
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  and finding somebody new, y'all. You just want to take your time,
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  OK? Just because you find somebody
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  new first does not make you a narcissist, right?
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  Unless you are here. Look, if you are now, you are
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  here cheating and doing some old grimy stuff.
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  We might need to, we might need to revisit this right?
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  If you are here cheating and do them grabbing stuff behind their
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  back, hey, we might need to revisit this conversation.
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  I'm not, I'm not calling you a narcissist, but we need to have
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  a chat, right? So they might not reach out to
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  you if they think that you have a new supply now, some of them
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  will. Some of them don't care if you
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  have a new supply or not, if you have a new partner or not, not
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  you don't have a new supply. If you have a new boyfriend,
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  girlfriend or whatever the situation may be, you moved on.
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  Some of them might not reach out to you, but some of them will.
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  Some of them will challenge you and try to get you back and try
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  to ruin your life. But on the flip side of it,
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  sometimes a narcissist doesn't reach out to you because they
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  have a new supply. They have a, they have a new
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  supply, they have a new partner. They're they are.
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  I'm not saying that they're happily in love.
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  I know people because soon as I start mentioning new supply or
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  new partner or a happily in love, people just are kind of
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  losing it. They were just like, well, Lee,
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  soon I mentioned new supply. People automatically start
• 8:01
  assuming that the narcissist is happy.
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  You start assuming that the narcissist has found somebody
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  else in there. They had just found the one,
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  right? No, they have a new supply and
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  they might be talking crazy to you Crazy.
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  They might be talking crazy about you to the new supply.
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  They might be spreading a lot of rumors about you to the new
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  supply. They absolutely might be out
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  here talking a bunch of shit to the new supply about you.
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  They might be talking cash crap. I just cussed and didn't stop
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  it. Cash junk about you to the new
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  supply. So they won't reach out to you
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  because then you can connect to the new supply and then you can
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  tell the new supply the truth. And then that might foil their
• 8:42
  entire relationship. So they might not be reaching
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  out to you because of that right there.
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  So they might not reach out because you have a new partner,
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  or they might not reach out because you because they
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  themselves have a new supply. And the last reason y'all, what
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  is this? 5?
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  I'm going to say 55 The the fifth reason why narcissists
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  don't reach out why they might why not why I might not reach
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  out is because y'all, they want you to be the one that reaches
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  out. Now this topic deserves its own
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  video, which I'll probably do next week.
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  But sometimes the narcissist wants you to be the one that
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  reaches out to them. They just do, let's keep it.
• 9:20
  Yeah. If I'm going to keep it hot and
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  ready, I got to keep it hot and readiest.
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  They want you to be the one that reaches out to them because it
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  benefits them at the end of the day.
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  They want you to be the one that reaches out and does everything
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  possible. Because if you reach out to me,
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  that validates me. If you contact me, if you break
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  no contact and you reach out to me, that validates me as the
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  narcissist. That means in my mind, because
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  you reached out, it makes everything that I said and done
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  to you OK because why are you contacting me?
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  I sometimes I don't reach out because I want you to.
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  I want you to reverse Hoover yourself back to me.
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  And that makes everything that I have ever said and done to you
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  OK. Again, when you reverse Hoover
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  yourself, you make everything that is that I've ever said to
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  you OK? Everything that I've ever done
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  to you OK. I, Lee Hammock, am not saying
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  that it's OK what they have done to you.
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  In the mind of a narcissist. It is because you reached out to
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  me. Because you broke no contact,
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  because you were the 1 contacting me.
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  You must be OK with it. It might.
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  It must not be as bad as you made it out to be.
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  Because if it is, then why the hell are you reaching out to me?
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  That's how narcissists think right there.
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  Y'all seriously? That's how a lot of narcissists
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  think. If it is bad as you say it is,
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  then why the hell are you talking to me?
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  Why are we even having a conversation?
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  If it's as toxic or as terrible as you make it out to be, Why
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  are we talking? Why are you contacting me?
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  Oh, because you miss me? Because you love me?
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  OK, cool, that makes everything OK then.
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  You see, I'm not saying that it's OK.
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  You reached out to the narcissist and their minds means
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  that it's OK. So before you reach out to a
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  narcissist, ask yourself the question, am I OK with them
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  thinking that everything that they have done to me is OK?
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  Am I all right with that? Because it's like blanket
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  forgiveness. If you reach out to me that
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  means you forgive me for that. Whatever.
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  You don't even have to say it. That means all is forgiven and
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  now I'm in a position of power. So some of them will wait you
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  out and want you to be the one that reaches out because it puts
• 11:37
  them in a position of power. Anyways y'all let me wrap this
• 11:41
  thing up. Check out my website
• 11:42
  mentalillness.net for all things Lee hammock.
• 11:45
  You can find my coaching my one on ones, my courses there as
• 11:48
  well. Also my kids book all things are
• 11:52
  on mentalillness.net. Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe.