Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 69: Why Doing More Is A Problem, Do Less. You’re Enough

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69: Why Doing More Is A Problem, Do Less. You’re Enough · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: We live in social constructs.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we live in a construct of capitalism where society teaches to desire more, more likes, more followers, more money, more wealth, more respect, more power, while at the same time, there's more obesity, more anxiety, more conflicts, more stress.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what's so fascinating is that as humans, once we hit a goal, like buying a home or hitting a certain income level, the questions we ask is what else?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: What's next?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: How can we get more?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: But here's a deeper question each of us need to answer.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does more really provide more happiness?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's talk about it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's drop the beat.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Elaine Lucarthas.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a business and career coach for women of color and allies.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: LA Weekly awarded me the number one thought leader.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And Apple News named me one of the top five business coaches.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Going through an identity crisis, professionally or personally, we'll get ready to have some conscious conversations.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now grab your coffee, tea, or boba, and let's call your dreams too.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Lead your legacy.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So happy New Year.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: We just had the holidays where queer marketed all the things we apparently need in life.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Getting more food, more joy for ourselves, more toys for our kids, and more things in our house, even though we have no space.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to think about your happiest memories in your life.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: When I think about my happiest memories when I was a kid, it was playing fort in the living room in our small two-bedroom home in LA in a family of six.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: When I think about my recent happiest memories with my boyfriend partner, it's hiking in nature.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I was in Mammoth last year hiking up the mountains with my boyfriend.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're looking down towards the lakes.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I just told myself the irony.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we work so hard in this country just so we can have a few days to go on vacation in nature.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, this is what our ancestors got to be surrounded in all the time.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we do need money to pay for bills, live in a home.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter if it's renting or owning, and more importantly, surviving, eating, having clothes.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: In college, I actually decided to do five years instead of four years in college, not because I failed my classes, but because I realized I was doing college wrong.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't doing it like the movies.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: What I did was I was so focused on my grades, on doing all the extracurricular.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing research.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I started my own club.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I had like a nonstop schedule.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't make time to actually want to socialize with others.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was going after more.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so when it was my fourth year in college, I could have graduated, but I realized I wanted to stay a fifth year and do the fun stuff.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I stayed a fifth year, went to DC for a quarter because I went to UC Irvine at the quarter system instead of the semester system.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: I did a college internship at Center for American Progress in DC.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I studied abroad to Cambridge, five weeks of my life.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was so much fun.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I studied history of Western art.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just really enjoyed college, what it should be in my youth, in my early 20s, in my fifth year in college.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you were similar to me when you went to school, whether it was elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, like you were just doing the most.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And even though, yes, I did learn my lesson of to not do the most and just if you're to actually enjoy an experience, I still didn't learn my lesson.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm human.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, I found myself wanting to do more after college.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this has happened to you, where you catch yourself in this perpetual cycle of doing more because we live in the society and this culture of doing more.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when I started my career, I graduated college around the recession and I was working in political campaigns.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank God I don't do political campaigns anymore.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was a director at 22.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was managing five people already at that age.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to make six figures fast.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I put my career as priority where I was choosing to miss family gatherings and parties.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I actually remember this exact moment when I was at a family party.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was on my laptop while my family was watching a movie.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And my youngest brother, my baby brother, he's not a baby.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: He's in his 30s, but he's like, Elaine, are you just gonna work all the time?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I just broke down and cried.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I actually ran out from the house barefoot because my brother called me out.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: He needed to call me out, actually called me in.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And thank God for therapy healing that.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've also had a situation where you've had a loved one call you in to have that conversation.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you are not being present.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: It could be the simplest things like, why are you on your phone hitting on this content all the time?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, sure, I was being mindful the second time, the second lesson, but I didn't learn my second time around.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then I caught the problem more even in the past few years in my business.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in year six, about to go into year seven this year.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember sharing during office hours with my clients a few years ago that I wanted to be the number one woman of color business and care coach.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I was working long hours, always on my phone and my laptop.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And my boyfriend always asked me, Who are you texting?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you not being present right now?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't being conscious, but I was doing more.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And even in that mindset of like, this would be just really great content to show, like, hey, look, I'm walking, I'm taking a break and rest.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: But like, was I really present?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Was I really present for myself to have that walk break?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I did Facebook and Instagram lives every day.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing free monthly events.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then because my business was growing so much, I started doing bi-weekly events.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was launching every quarter, and the more, this time around, the third time around, finally caught up where I burned myself down.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so last year, I did a huge pause, went back to therapy for more healing.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I learned in my therapy last year, the big lesson.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was healing a lot of my inner child.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it was this question.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do I, Elaine Lucarthus, want?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, yeah and you listening to this episode right now.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And let's simplify this.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this will help you if you hear about what I want, especially as we're in this new year.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: For me, here is what I realize in my life, because my life comes before my business.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Even though, yes, I know I need my business or career, if you're working full-time to obviously pay for things.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: But this is what I want to prioritize, not just for this year, but just ongoing.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Mindful it may change and shift.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But one, to be more present with my partner and loved ones, where I'm not just thinking about what pictures or content I could take on my phone or constantly checking my text messages or emails.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Second, to honor and nourish what my body needs.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: That might mean Muay Thai, which is Thai kickboxing one day, weightlifting another day, yoga another day, but maybe not having to do those movements and just taking a nap.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I actually did that two days ago.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had this intention to want to go do a Muay Thai class, but my body was so tired.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to my own coach.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna go do Muay Thai, even though I have this intention to and all that tolerate body because I want to get ready to have a baby in the future.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: But more importantly, my energy is really important.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then third is to increase my generational wealth for security, savings, and safety.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to give you a list of things that I want in my life.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually want you to pause right now and think about what you want, what's important for you.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And feel free to pause this episode just so you know, as soon as you're done, come back.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But like go to a cafe, go in your go to your office, go somewhere that's new, or if you can't do that, but just be where you need to and journal what you want.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you're thinking.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have such good stuff here.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want more.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want more tips and advice for your business career in life, sign up for my gifts and gifts newsletter at ElaineLou.com forward slash join.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's J-O-I-N.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here's three things you'll get when you join, because I'm like Santa Claus.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I love giving.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, funny gifts, because who doesn't love memes and pop culture references?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: This newsletter is so fetched.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, receive actionable gifts.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's business, career, and life tips that you can start doing today.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Third, the gift of me.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not only do you get my wins, but also my failures, my reflections.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: My gifts and gifts newsletter is like an up-to-date diary.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Think Zenga or Life Journal for my fellow millennials, where I share vulnerable stories, relatable mistakes, and important life tips like what to watch on Netflix.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like when's the next Bridgetin season?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready for those fun gifts and actionable gifts to create a more sustainable life, then join my newsletter at elaneloo.com forward slash join.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's J O I N.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to the episode.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And when I realized the life I wanted, and then I had to think about obviously, because things, we need to pay for things, whether you work full-time or have a business, or me, I have a business.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I realized what I wanted in my life.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I got more specific, like traveling at least once a quarter, for example, saving X amount for my retirement fund.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized all I want to do for my business, for me and my team, is to serve 24 clients because I know it will provide the most incredible client experience and the results my clients deserve.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I want something sustainable.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I realize what I wanted to pay to my business, and I want to make sure that I have that high-touch, high quality relationship with my clients where they're getting the results.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, how did I figure out this number 24?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And how many clients or customers do you need if you're a business owner?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a full-time career, how can you figure out how much you need to make?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to renegotiate your salary, or maybe you need to leave your job for another.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you a super simple answer on how I figured out 24 clients is the max amount of clients that I want to serve at a given time.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And a simple answer, but it's a hard thing to do.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually understanding your numbers and data, writing down all of your expenses, your monthly expenses, like from your personal side.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that might be Netflix, groceries, including your monthly expenses if you have a nanny for your kids.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: But also not just your monthly expenses, but don't forget those long-term goals you have, like maxing on your 401k, how much are you saving per month, or Roth IR, or whatever funds you use, maybe saving money for two trips you plan to have with yourself or with your family per year.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe enough money to buy a car to do a down payment and then do monthly.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So putting that, and also don't forget.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: So often people forget, hey, don't forget you're gonna be spending X amount during the holidays for gifts.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you have two weddings you're planning out to go to for a friend.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a business owner, writing down your expenses and what you actually need to help you hit the revenue you need for your life.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I deleted some services I paid for and I reduced cost from things I realized I was paying too much for.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're putting all the things you're spending in your business, I want you to ask yourself two questions going through each business expense line.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: One, is this helping my clients and customers get the results they deserve?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And two, is this helping me get the right amount of qualified clients and customers?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I mean, qualified clients and customers.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, when you have a better understanding of your numbers, it becomes easier to understand how much clients and customers you have.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have a better understanding of your numbers, it becomes easier to understand how much you need to make in your own salary if you have a full-time job.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you are having anxiety, thinking about numbers and money, listen to episode 66.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: After this episode, you're listening to episode 66 with my client.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about the four steps to reduce financial anxiety with Claudia Rucker.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And when you finally understand this, what you want from your life, what I've learned in my own business and life, maybe it's because I'm in my 30s.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And something that I hope you realize you learn is that you are enough.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to do the most.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: You could do less.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to prove yourself to others, to society.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to know what is enough for you.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what I think about what's enough, I think about four things.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: One, I think about how enough was hiking Mount Kilabanjaro last year with my partner and being five days in nature, not showering at all.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I did miss a shower, but just being at peace and being present.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then number two, I think about how Enough was my client who had their third kid and still killing it in their business while ensuring that they were a present parent.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Third, I think about how Enough was realizing I was doing the most monthly events to realizing I could do less and know that I am truly serving my clients by doing two or true Cair.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, fourth, I think about what is enough is chasing my nephews, nieces, and goddaughters and hearing their laughter.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want to remind you.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: You are enough.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want more, ask yourself this question.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is that because you're being advertised to, like those infomercials?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you buy this now, you will get all these million different bonuses.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And do you want more?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because that's what society and peers want from you?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And mind you, there are things I want, right?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I could probably do less vacation, but I really do want it for my soul where I go on trips quarterly.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, I'm gonna be speaking at conferences.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I could probably save money by sharing a room and having a roommate.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I want my own room to myself because that's what I want.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't listened to read Ramit Sefi's I Want a Rich Life, then be sure to check that book out.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: But you get to define what your life is and what's important to you and spend more money and time on that.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Everything else you don't have to.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your reflective question and action item.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: What is enough for you this new year?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Enough for you.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: What will bring you joy and happiness?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Don't mean to be sad, but when you get to your deathbed, what memories do you want to remember and feel?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: And a little teaser.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: What is enough?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is actually realizing that this is my last Coleer Jeans podcast episode.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, you're like, what?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is the last episode?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's the lost episode in this name.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I realized I was overcomplicating things and I need to rebrand and simplify this podcast to what is working for my business, clients, and more importantly, this podcast community.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I realize I made a huge mistake in how I named this podcast.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: So this will be my last Color James podcast episode.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: But don't worry, next week, on January 11th, we are relaunching with a new name and for new podcast episodes.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be sharing my big podcast mistake so you can learn from it when it comes to doing less and keeping it simple.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your girl is getting a facelift and getting work done.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just renaming it and rebranding it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, well, you'll listen to me next Thursday with a new name.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Stop doing the most and start doing less because you are enough.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you found this podcast episode helpful, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: One, share this with a friend who needs to stop doing the most.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Two, don't forget to hit that follow and subscribe button because when you hit that, it lets the interwebs do their thing and let other women of color and allies like you know about this podcast.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Three, if you feel called to do it, leave a five-star rating in review for this podcast so more women of color and allies can create a sustainable life outside of their work.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: See, I created this podcast as a free resource for women of color and allies because contribution is one of my top values.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And fourth, if you would like to see how to work with me to create a more sustainable business, career, and life where you don't need to do the most, and you get to create your own definition of success, then schedule a complimentary legacy business and career review call at elaneloo.com forward slash call.