Latest / Come Back to Love: / Come Back To Love October 1, 2026 He Took Five Years Off From Love. Here's What Happened

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Come Back To Love October 1, 2026 He Took Five Years Off From Love. Here's What Happened · Come Back to Love:

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Come Back to Love with your host, Robin Vogel.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Each week at this same time, Come Back to Love
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: covers an endless array of topics related to relationships, love,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and intimacy, along with all the reasons you may be
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: keeping love at a distance. Can a shattered heart be
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: your doorway to your greatest love story? Robin will give
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: you practical tools that can be used to heal the
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: past and help you to safely love again. And now,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: today's Come Back to Love.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: In a world that often feels disconnected, uncertain, and overwhelming,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: there has never been a more important time to come
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: back to love. I'm Robin Vogel, intimacy coach and author
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: of Come Back to Love, A Path to Healing. For
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: over 20 years, I've been sitting with people in their
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: most tender, courageous moments. The heartbreaks, the longing, the walls
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: they've built around their hearts, and the quiet hope that
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: real love is still possible. This show is a sanctuary,
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: a place to heal the past, reconnect with yourself, and
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: fall in love again. with your life, with others, and
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: most importantly, with yourself. Welcome to Come Back to Love.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I'm Robin Vogel. We are on KMET, your ABC News
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: radio affiliate station. This show airs every Thursday at 1490 a.m.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and 98.1 FM at 1.30 p.m. Pacific and 4.30 p.m.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Eastern Time. Today, I am excited to have with me,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I like refer to you as a soul brother because
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: the first time we met, it was like, oh my gosh,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: it's a soul brother. And now we're together again with
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Ron Platt. And again, this is Robin Vogel and we
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: are on live. K M E T radio. And this
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: has come back to love. And I'm really happy to
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: be here with you. And this show is about all
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: aspects of healing and love and support. And we met
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: in the divorce realm of networking with divorce professionals. And
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: you actually do something so unique that I have not
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  Speaker 2: heard before in 25 years of this work. So Why
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: don't you take a moment and introduce yourself and then
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: we'll dive in.
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  Speaker 3: It's only taken me 30 years to put all this together.
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  Speaker 3: So my dad often said he was like a pit
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: bull with a tire.
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  Speaker 4: He would not let go. So here we are.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, we are the National Association for Single and Divorced Families,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: otherwise known as NASDF. So I want you to think AARP,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: but for people who are in the process of getting
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: a divorce or have a single family household.
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  Speaker 2: So.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: What do you need when you're in the process of
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: getting a divorce? I know that I call my divorce
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: the undivorce because at the time we were not legally
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: able to get married, but it was still a 14-year,
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: very toxic relationship.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: And when it ended, I felt that there was a
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: lack of support.
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  Speaker 3: What I realized is when I type in the word
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  Speaker 3: divorce in a Google search, I get five pages of
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  Speaker 3: attorneys before I get to CDFAs, divorce coaches, therapists, mediators,
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  Speaker 3: you know, the alternatives and the resources that are out
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  Speaker 3: there for people who are in this process. The problem
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: is that there's so many out there that they're not
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: under one umbrella. So the concept was to go ahead
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: and create an association, as I said, like AARP that
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: brings together product services, support and resources for people who
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: are in this process. And then as they transition into
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: becoming a single family, What do those people need as well?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: And then keep them on as members and be able
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: to continue to provide them with things that they can
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: get easier and cheaper through us than if they go
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: direct to the retailer or the provider.
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  Speaker 4: So that's what we do.
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  Speaker 3: So things like early childhood education discounts for La Petite Academy, Montessori, Ugro,
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  Speaker 3: a lot of the other smaller companies that are out there,
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: we have discounts for those. career services you're an at-home
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: parent now you suddenly have to re-enter the job force
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: and you've got this gap in your resume right so
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: we have 25 videos that our members can access that
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  Speaker 3: tells them how to update their linkedin how to make
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: a better resume how to be able to apply for
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  Speaker 3: that job and get in front of the recruiter along
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  Speaker 3: with a whole slew of other things and then if
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: you still want one-on-one counseling they'll provide it for you
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: at a 25 discount You might need to buy or
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: sell a house. Usually during a divorce, you have to
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: divide up your assets. You need to decide whether you're
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: going to buy that person out or whether you need
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: to sell the house. So if you use one of
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: the realtors in our referral network, which is nationwide, we're
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: going to go ahead and take the commission that they
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: would pay us or the commission that they would pay
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: working with you, the 3% or 2.5% that that buyer's
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: agent or selling agent is going to get.
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: We get 25% of that back. towards us as a
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: referral fee.
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  Speaker 3: And we in turn give that back to our members
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  Speaker 3: to help offset their closing costs.
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  Speaker 4: So on a $ 500, 000 sale, you're.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: Probably going to get a $ 4, 500 credit on your closing statement.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: I know we don't need the money, right? Especially during
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: the divorce. But this is a great opportunity. No real
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: estate company can offer that. It can only be offered
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  Speaker 3: if you come through us as a member of NASDF.
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  Speaker 3: We have discounts for diapers and formulas and school supplies,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: computer supplies. We have A concierge service, if you call
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  Speaker 3: us and you don't know what to do, I have
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: no clue, they'll do an intake and then they'll direct
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  Speaker 3: you to the people that you need to contact, whether
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  Speaker 3: it's a mediator or a divorce coach. Or if you
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: need an attorney, they'll be able to direct you towards
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: the attorney. And we're about to upgrade that to even
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: a better system than we currently have.
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  Speaker 4: A registry.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: When you got married, you had a registry, right? So
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: when you get a divorce, you probably need everything because
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: you're starting over. We have a divorce registry called Fresh
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Starts Registry. So you would just basically put everything you
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: need in there and then tell your friends to go
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: to the registry to help buy it for you. So
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: a lot of things, and it continues to grow as
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: we continue to expand our behavioral health gets better. Right now,
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: we offer three free mental health care sessions with discounted
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: sessions thereafter. When we hit a certain number on our
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: membership side, we're going to actually increase that to eight
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: free mental health sessions per condition. So if you have
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: depression and anxiety, you'd get 16 free mental health care
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  Speaker 3: sessions and then discounted sessions thereafter.
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  Speaker 4: So it just keeps building. I call it the Costco effect.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: The more members we have, the more retailers come to us,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: the more we can go to retailers and ask them
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: for discounts. We have discounts for pet care and nanny
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: services and daycare services for the elderly.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, I can go on and on, but that's
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: a secondary website.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: And then one of the more important things that we
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: have is the first ever insurance product that guarantees child
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: support and alimony. Now, typically, when you are in the
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: middle of a divorce, you're going to have to purchase
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: a life insurance policy. And that means that if the payer,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: the person who's paying, dies, the children are still going
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: to get paid until they're 18 or 21 years old,
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: depending on what your agreement is. But what if they
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: don't die? What if the person who's paying falls off
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: a ladder along the way? falls off a ladder and
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: they become temporarily disabled, they can't get to work. Or
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: they own their own business and God forbid COVID hits
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: again and they have to declare a business bankruptcy.
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  Speaker 4: Or the AI comes in and takes their job away.
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  Speaker 3: We call that involuntary unemployment where they're let go by
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: their employer, either downsizing or due to some other reason.
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  Speaker 3: Those are put people in a position where they can't
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: pay their child support and alimony. That's where support insured
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  Speaker 3: comes in and we will continue making those payments for
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: you for up to a year.
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  Speaker 4: So that you don't have to go back to court.
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  Speaker 3: You don't have to hire the attorney to tell the judge,
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  Speaker 3: I can't afford to make these payments because I'm in
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  Speaker 3: a life situation at the moment.
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  Speaker 4: You don't have to worry about that. We'll go ahead
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  Speaker 4: and pay those payments for you for up to a year.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. Oh my goodness. Okay. Just first of all, wow.
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  Speaker 2: When you said Costco, that made perfect sense. It's kind
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: of like a Costco without the building to go into. Yeah.
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: Right. Or a $ 65 membership fee. Right.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Right. Right. Right. Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I guess so. So if we just, we just go
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: back to the beginning for a moment for our listeners
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  Speaker 2: that are contemplating divorce or going through the process of
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  Speaker 2: divorce and already lost and kind of all the things
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  Speaker 2: that you said, like, how am I going to get
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  Speaker 2: all of these resources and needs met after I separate?
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  Speaker 2: And Also, I mean, people that are just in the
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  Speaker 2: contemplative phase of like, what's going to happen to me?
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  Speaker 2: You know, how am I going to manage all of this?
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  Speaker 2: Which is, you know, basically one of the big massive
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  Speaker 2: questions people ask when they're thinking about it. I would
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  Speaker 2: say that anyone who knows about this, even in that
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: phase of the process, might feel reassured that there's actually
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  Speaker 2: someplace to go to help them fill in. Basically you're
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  Speaker 2: filling in all the gaps.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: Correct.
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  Speaker 3: So they don't have to do a Google search and
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  Speaker 3: figure out, well, how do I find, maybe I don't
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: need a, an attorney, but a mediator work.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: What about an online divorce? This is an amicable divorce.
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  Speaker 4: Can I do it online? And the answer is yes.
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  Speaker 4: We have a solar gray, which would help you do that.
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  Speaker 4: So there's a lot of partnerships that we've gone to.
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  Speaker 4: We were getting financial apps that can do the financial
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  Speaker 4: filings for you.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: We're working on some other apps that are out there
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  Speaker 3: that it would be cheaper for you to come to
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: us to get them than if you go direct. So
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: those will be announced as they're added on. We have
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: the divorce lawyer dot com that is now being added
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: onto our site so that you can search attorneys throughout
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: the entire country.
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  Speaker 4: It just keeps growing, keeps going and going. Wow.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: OK, we're going to get into more of the personal
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: stuff in a moment. But while we're here and our
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: listeners are listening, just tell us the name of the
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: website so people can find you. Sure.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: NASDF.org. NASDF.org.
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  Speaker 2: NASDF.org.
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  Speaker 3: And if you want to see our socials, you can
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: go to TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. It's all under NASDF.org.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Wow. Okay. Lots of information to absorb there. And I
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: wanted to say thank you, because certainly, like you said,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: you know, you went through your, you called it your
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: undivorce process. I went through a divorce process and worried
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: about a lot of things, like so many things that
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I was worried about 20 years ago. and certainly didn't
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: have access to any, actually any of the support that's
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: even out there that you and I both know about
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: of which there's, you know, plenty, nothing like you're doing,
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: but plenty of divorce coaches now, which didn't even exist
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: 20 years ago that I'm aware of. We knew about mediators,
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  Speaker 2: but that's kind of it.
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  Speaker 4: Well, there was, there wasn't a lot out there.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: No, there really wasn't.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: As they say, you build it and people will come. So,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: you know, as, as, it's 26 million single families out
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: there that need things. And there's 1.7 million people getting
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: divorced every year. And there's no single source for people
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: to go to, to find help until now.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. That's amazing. So what was the stat on people
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: getting divorced? That is a huge number.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: One it's 1.7 million, according to the 2020 census.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: And that doesn't take into account the LGBTQ community as well, right?
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: Because that, that information is so new, you know, that'll
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: come out next census, hopefully.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And like you said, you know, not everybody's choosing a
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: legal marriage and then a, you know, legal divorce.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Correct.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: A lot of people are just living together without getting married.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: So that doesn't take into account those people separating.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. The stats are off for sure.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. So that's just, first of all, incredible. I just
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: want to thank you for doing that work and filling
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: in the gaps, which is so important. And when I
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: think about Come Back to Love, which, you know, has
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: many facets to what I mean, when I say that,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: but one of the biggest is relaxing and falling in
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: love with yourself, especially, you know, always. And then especially
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: when you're going through some kind of life crisis and
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: the nervous system just goes into fight or flight when
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: we're in so much stress. And so I'm linking that
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: to the work you're doing because it has the capacity
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: to allow our nervous systems to relax, knowing like, okay,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: There's somebody actually who is paying attention to the gazillion
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: gaps that I haven't even identified yet. And I can
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: get some support there.
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  Speaker 4: Especially when it comes to the mental health care.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: One of our most valuable options, because especially for men
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: who don't like to reach out and ask for help
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: because it's not a macho thing to do.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: Or if you're I know for me. When I was
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: going through the process, it was so toxic.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: There was drugs involved, alcohol, a mixture of alcohol and
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: drugs and craziness going in. And I actually thought I
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: was the one with the problem because of the way
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: the verbiage was being twisted to make it seem like
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: I wasn't listening. I wasn't communicating. I was the crazy one.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: And then it suddenly dawned on me one day, well,
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: wait a minute.
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: No, that's not it. But it was so overwhelming and
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: I didn't have anybody to talk to.
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  Speaker 3: So having something like this now where I could go
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: in and I could speak to a therapist and that
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: therapist can say, no, you're living with an addict and
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: you're going to have to learn not to be an enabler.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: And it's not you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: It is them.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: And being able to help put that together before it
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: took me like a year or two to figure it out.
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: On my own.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. How did you figure that out? Because that's a
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: big one. Like with narcissism and addiction, it's really hard
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: to see.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: It was I saw the alcohol. I didn't see the drugs.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: And the drugs were really the thing that was influencing
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: their personality change. The funny part was when we separated
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: the house, we had a large house and they moved
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: to one side of the house. I moved to the
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: other and I was doing laundry and I took the
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: laundry out and there was a nickel bag, which means that.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: That person had cocaine or or crystal meth.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: And it came out. I looked at it, went. And
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: that's something like this, this thing in my head, something like,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: and it all came together. We're like, Oh, that's why.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: And the second time was when their dog that we
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: had two dogs in the house, one was his and
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: one was mine. And his dog came out with a
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: nickel bag in his mouth, an empty one. And I
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: was like, what do you have there?
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: And I went, Oh, Oh. And then suddenly all the
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: craziness made sense. They're doing drugs. I did not know that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: I saw the alcohol. I did not see the drugs.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: And that kind of put things into perspective, like this
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: is bigger than what I thought it was. And it's
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: not a matter of me just pouring the alcohol down
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: the drain when they're not looking. It's a matter of
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: like they're they're they're mentally screwed up at this point.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Like I the conversations used to go like I'd say, OK,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: talk to me, tell me what's going on. And they'd say, well,
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: the sky is blue. And I'd say, so what you're
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: saying is the sky is blue. And they'd say, no,
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: that's not what I said. I said it was red.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: And I'd say, OK, so tell me again. Well, the well,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: the dog is a boy. OK, well, you just said
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: the dog is boy. No, the dog's a girl.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: And I mean, like, OK, so you're you kind of
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: get screwed up with your head, but you realize it's
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: not you. You heard the words. They're not conveying it
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: the second time correctly. And it screws with your head.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: So I had to make that connection and go, OK,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: it's not me. How do I get myself out of
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: this situation?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: So you were in a way lucky to come across
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: the dog. dog was definitely trying to communicate with you. Like, hello, Ron,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: here's the, you don't have, you know, exactly.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: And I'm not into drugs or alcohol. So I, you know,
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: but I have worked with kids and youth and I
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: know what it is. And when I saw it, that's
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: when it clicked.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: Ah, got it. Okay. This is the situation.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: And for those of you listening, cause I imagine we
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: have listeners right now who are in a similar situation.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: So one thing I want to say is pouring alcohol
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: down the drain absolutely has no impact. So if you're
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: doing that, time to stop because that doesn't help at all. And,
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: you know, this process of really waking up and seeing
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: what's actually going on versus the being in denial about
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: it and enabling it, which we can all do unintentionally, subconsciously.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: out of a desire to stay connected, stay in the love,
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: stay in the belonging, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: You know, let the red flags just go by.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: And I will tell you that I got into the relationship.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: This was a conditionally loving relationship, which is what I
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: was brought up with. It was conditional love. So naturally,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: when I get into my first long-term relationship, it's going
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: to be what I'm used to. And because I have
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: a high threshold for pain, Right. I'm going to I'm
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: going to make this work. I'm not going to quit.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do it. And then after a while,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: after 14 years, you're exhausted and you sit back and go,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: I'm not getting anything out of this. And, you know,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: I say that I'm a slow learner. Sometimes it takes
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: me a lot. You know, I would have friends that
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: say it's time to break up. It's time to move on.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: And I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've all
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: had that.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: We all have that third person perspective where our friends
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: or family are coming to us saying it's time to
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: end the relationship.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: And you're like, I know. And they don't understand why
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: you don't end it. It's because you're not there yet.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Right. It's like, I know, but, and then you can
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: fill in all the butts.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: But because of how I was raised, I had that
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: level of ability to try to make it work or
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: to think that was acceptable.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: And I remember the exact day that my brain said
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: to me, today's the day. It was a different voice.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: It wasn't my voice, a voice in my head said,
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: today's the day. I immediately responded by saying, I know.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: And I remember I walked out of my house to
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: go to an appointment, got in the car, the appointment canceled.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: I got back into the house, walked in. They were
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: still in the kitchen. And I said, we're done. And
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: when I said we're done, I mean, all levels of
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: love or commitment or everything, it was done in my head.
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: I was done. And I said, when we get home,
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: when I get home tonight, we're going to figure out
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: how to divvy up the house and put it on
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: the market.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I'm done.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: And that process took a while because they went out
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: and got an attorney who turned out to be, you know,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: attorneys never do anything quickly. They like to make it
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: as long as possible because they don't make money if
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: it's a short-term thing. So they took a very simple
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: situation and made it not only more toxic, they made
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: it more expensive.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: So any equity we had left in the house was gone.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: And I basically, for the first time in my life,
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: was completely and financially broke and had no money for food.
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: So, yeah, it was and the Great Recession hit at
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: the same time.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: So my I was I'm a realtor at that time
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: and real estate dried up and there was nothing. And
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I literally had to start from scratch. But but I
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: think it was also the the catapult that I needed
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: to make the huge change in my life to not
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: only learn how to deal better with my finances, but
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: to how to figure out to be loved unconditionally.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: And that process took me five years to learn.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Wow. Beautiful. We're going to have to do a part
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: two on this radio show, but we do have time
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: for you to share a little bit about that five-year journey,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: if you would like, because now you're in a loving relationship. Yeah.
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: Because of that experience. There was no therapist at the
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: time because I was brokenhearted. I moved from a 3,600
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: square foot house to a 450 square foot studio and
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: was never happy.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: It was an interesting building because it was a live
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: work type building. And I had my son living on
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: the two floors down. I was two floors up. And
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: my best friend lived on the floor next to me. So,
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, it was it was kind of I had
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: my community around me.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Important.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: But I had a business coach and that business coach
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: did a lot of personal work on me as well.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: And many years prior to that, they got me to
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: journal my thoughts and to journal my emotions and things
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: like that. So I had already had some ability to
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: do that. They also got me to do affirmations and gratitudes.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: And when you have nothing, you have to say, well,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: what am I? And I know it sounds woo woo
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: and silly and all that. But what what did I
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: have to be grateful for? And it was my God,
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: I got out of bed this morning. I took the
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: dog for a walk.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: And I was able to focus on my work, even
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: though the economy had crapped out.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: Real estate was was not doing well.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I still had to earn a living and I still
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: I had to become hyper focused on what I was
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: doing at work to make it work.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: So.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: In my journals, I was pouring out my emotions and
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: my feelings. I was doing my gratitudes and my affirmations.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: It's funny because at the time, I ended up moving
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: to a different real estate company and I had a
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: picture of a white Mercedes E350 convertible sitting on my computer.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: And I said, that's the next car I'm going to drive.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: And remember, I'm flat broke. So the last thing in
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: my wheelhouse was a white Mercedes. But I had it
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: sitting there. And two or three years after that situation,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: once everything had settled up and everything was done, I
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: got a used Mercedes E350.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: It wasn't white. It was gray.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: And, and the CEO of my company came up to
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: me and he was laughing and he said, that works.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: I'm like, it does. Totally focused on it. So what,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: what worked was, I'll tell you, I'll tell you the
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: mistake I made real quick is that my sister said,
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: you need to wait five years before you get to
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: your next relationship. And I thought five years, no way.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: And I immediately went out and got another partner. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: about a month and a half into that relationship, I
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: realized that it was the same person that I was
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: dating that I just left.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: But in a different body. But I made the connection quicker.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: And I thought, no, she was right. I need to
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: take the time out to figure this out. And through
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: that friend that also.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Lived in the building with me, he said, when you're ready,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: start interviewing your dates without them knowing they're being interviewed.
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: And it worked. It was a process.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: But in my journals, I became very clear about what
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: it is I wanted. Most people, when you ask what
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: you want in a relationship, they tell me what they
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: don't want. They don't have clarity on what they do want.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: And I became very specific about what it is that
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: how I wanted to be loved, who I wanted to
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: be loved. If I woke up and my hair looked funny,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: I didn't want that person to knock me down for it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: They just loved me for who I was. And they
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: realize that I'm always... I'm going to say things that
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: sometimes are not appropriate, but I'm going to apologize for it.
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: And they will be okay with that, right? Because I've
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: acknowledged I'm wrong, you know, and I apologize. And all
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: of that... And that's what I became hyper-focused on.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: And five years later, I'm sitting across from a date
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: at a bagel place in Miami who happened to be
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: a police officer who I did not know he was
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: a police officer until he showed up for the first date.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: And we sat at that table for two hours. And I...
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: pretty much knew at that point everything i was looking
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: for was the person sitting across from me.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Wow that's tough i have the chills that's.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Right yeah and and it and it proceeded and it
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: was a we were both very uh um not shy
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: about it but we were like this this is good
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: this is good in fact there's we choked because there's
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: an age difference between us and i wasn't looking for
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: somebody younger and he wasn't looking for somebody older but
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: we didn't even ask each other our ages Probably until
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: two or three weeks.
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: Later, like, by the way, how old are you? I
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: did ask him what his credit score was on the
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: first date.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: Because I was in my 40s and I was starting
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: over and I didn't want somebody that was off in
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: a worse position than I was to at least have
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: your credit score better than mine.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Ron, that is such an amazing story. And like in
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: five minutes, you shared so many, as we come to
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: the end here, you shared so many highlights of the
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: important things. And the reasons why people come into my
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: world and my radio show and the listeners and the
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: work that I do is exactly that, like repeating patterns
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: that are unhealthy. Thank God you caught that after a month.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: And then you spent five years like doing the work
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: with yourself. And I love, I love that you said,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I didn't have money. I didn't hire a therapist. Like
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: that's so awesome because I want everybody to know they
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: can do it in whatever way. Right. And you just
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: gave us like the most amazing example, by the way.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: And shout out, just an enthusiastic highlight on interviewing your dates.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: You know, absolutely. 100%. I'm a fan. I could teach
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: a whole class on that. Yes. Over coffee, one hour.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: That's good. Go home, you know. Yeah, exactly. Go home
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: and think about it. Anyway, what a beautiful story. I'm
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: really glad we got into the personal stuff because I
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: love your story and I love what you're doing in
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: the world. And just thank you so much for being here.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: And just shout out to our listeners. Yeah, you're welcome.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: I just, again, this has come back to love and
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: we're here every Thursday at one 30 Pacific four 30
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Eastern time. I look forward to being with you next week.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Lots of love everybody. Hi, this is Robin Vogel, host
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: of Come Back to Love. If you are ready to
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: heal the past and open your heart to love again,
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: I want to talk with you. Book a free 30-minute
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: private conversation with me at ComeBackToLove.com. I'll meet you where
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: you are and give you real tools you can use
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: right now. Because love isn't just possible for you. It's
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: waiting for you. Go to ComeBackToLove.com and book your free
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: 30 minutes today.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: You've been listening to Come Back to Love with Robin Vogel,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: a transformative program that covers an endless array of topics
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: related to relationships, love, and intimacy, along with all the
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: reasons you may be keeping love at a distance. Tune
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: in each week as Robin gives you practical tools that
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: can be used to heal the past and help you
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: to safely love again. Join Robin again next week at
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: the same time for Come Back to Love.