Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Ben's Book Party LIVE!

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Ben's Book Party LIVE! · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with her radio. What's going on? Everyone? We're Jared. We're
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: doing a live event for the second time, but this
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: time it's not our Help I Suck a Dating live.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: It's even better because we're almost famous live. We're almost famous.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: The story of our lives right there, the story of
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: our lives, and we're live with almost famous of course.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Dean and Jared here, host of the r Heart radio
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: podcast Help I Suck At Dating. We're very excited to
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: be like the opening act over here for Ashley and Ben. Yeah.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: That's the funny thing too, is we're the opening act.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: So I mean, listen all the grades at one point
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: in another we're opening acts. Bob Dylan, the Beatles, I'm
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: sure at one point in their opening for someone bigger
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: than them. It's our moment to shine, baby. We can't
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: mess this up. While I'm hoping next year, uh, Tanya
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: and Becca will open up for us and then like
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: we'll just go full circle, you know what I mean?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Right right right? Well, someone allows to open for Tanya
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: and Becca too. Next year there's gonna be some other people, yeah,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: but you know, you know, they gotta work their way up,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: you know right right, Um, tonight is about Ben ben
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Higgins and his brand new book that he worked incredibly
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: hard on for over a year. You know about it
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: already alone in plane sight. Uh. This is Ben's brand
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: new book. It's fantastic. I can't praise it enough. Um,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: And we're just super excited for him. And Ben's gonna
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: be obviously here with Ashley and answering questions about the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: book and how he wrote it, what inspired him to
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: write it. Um. So I'm very excited. I am very excited, Dean.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm excited to anything that involves Ben. I'm
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: always on board with. UM. I'm still waiting for for
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: my time with Ben where we can sit down together
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: and he can just read me his own book page
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: for page. That's really that's gonna be I'm sure the
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: highlight in one. Um. Yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: We'll set the scene for us, so like what is
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: it gonna be a dark, dim room and there'll be
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: like a little spotlight on Ben. Perhaps he's maybe wearing
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: some glasses, drinking a Scotch, smoking a cigar while he
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: whispers sweet nothings, including his introduction of the book. Uh,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: before I paint the setting for exactly how I anticipate
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Ben to read me his own book, I do want
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: to tell well, I think we should both tell everyone
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: that's watching right now that we can read the comments.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: So be sure to send in any questions you have
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: in the comments, and we want to answer them here
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: live on Almost Famous Live for Ben's book. Anyways, back
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: to the setting where I imagine Ben reading me his book.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: You know, there's gonna be a lot of candles, that's obvious.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: It's got to be in the van too, So a
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: cigar being smoked in the van probably hazard um, but yeah,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: candles all over. You know. I hope that the thing
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: is I want there to be like some sort of
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: oil where you know, it could be like kind of
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: like a joint book reading slash massage. But I don't
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: know how that would necessarily work, um, but I think
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: there's a way that we can make it work. Oh yeah,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I want Ben to be making this face the entire
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: time he's reading it to you. No smile, no nothing,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: just this face. And he doesn't and he doesn't make
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: eye contact the entire time either, No, obviously he always
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: looks away. Eye contact then you're then it then it
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: makes it weird, Like we don't want to make this weird, right,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: we want the eye contact to not be broken. That
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: makes it less weird. Um. Yes, So of course everybody
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: please send in your questions. We've more than happy to answer.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Like we said before, Dean and I are the opening act,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: so we're gonna be here for another five maybe ten minutes. Uh.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: And then of course Ben and Ashley, you're usual almost
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: famous host, will be here. Uh. And there'll be some
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: special guests uh coming in throughout the evening, including possibly
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know, a guy who maybe has made a
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: margar reader or two on in a beach in Mexico. Uh.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: We also have some former Bachelor contestants that are gonna
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: come on that of course you know their names, We
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: know their names. Um. But we do have a question
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: in the chat, Dean, do you want to read it
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to us? Uh? Well, yeah, so I see a question here, Jared,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: what is your favorite Ben memory or moment? Oh favorite
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Ben memory? So I talked. I actually wrote this in
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: a caption when I was wroting Ben's book before the wedding. Dean,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: you were passed out, so I don't know how much
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: you remember this. But we were all hanging out at
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: a house that one of the guys rented, and it
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: was all the gruns men, all you guys. Ben was there,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: my dad was there, and uh that is definitely one
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: of my favorite memories ever with Ben and uh we
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Ben and I somehow like made our way outside. It
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: was just the two of us in the driveway. And no,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: we did not make out, but I would have totally
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: been down for that. But sorry, actually I'm joking anyway, Um,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: but we we were the dry gay for like fifteen minutes,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: just talking about life and how crazy it was that
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: we here I am about to get married to someone
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: that I met on reality TV show, surrounded by some
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: of my closest friends that I met from said reality
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: TV show. So that is definitely one of my favorite
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Ben memories. What about you, Dan, H Yeah, that's that's
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: a good one. Um, I would say mine, uh would
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: have to center around every time Ben and I see
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: each other for the first time in a long time,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: and I think this, Uh, Ben goes back doing this
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: with like a lot of his buddy So this is
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: not just a me memory. I'm sure a lot of
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: his friends have very similar memory of him. But he
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: always goes everybody, watch out, Piggy's here every time he
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: walks into a room. And it is the most electrifying
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: thing I think I've ever experienced. Every time I experienced
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: it, it it just it's it's absolutely amazing. Uh. And that
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: happened after Ben and I hung out a lot on
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Winter Games, and so every time I see Ben, that's
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: that he screams out of this at the top of
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: his lungs uh and then gives the biggest bear hug.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: So it's just that's like one of my favorite Ben
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: things in the Rock Johnson. He's just the most electrifying
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: men in professional sports. It's electric. It's absolutely electric. It's
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: it's absolutely electric. Um, Jared, this question is from Sophia.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: What are your Valentine's Day plans? Uh? I'm gonna cook
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: for Ashley. We're gonna stay home, Uh, and I'm gonna cook.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I made a pizza a couple last week or a
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: couple of days ago, I forget, but I'm gonna make
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: a pizza for her again. She loved it. Uh. And Uh,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: you know, I might have some flowers or something along
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: those lines ready to go. Maybe some chocoluts. But yeah,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: we're gonna stay in, have a bottle of wine. I'm
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: gonna cook for and that's our Valentine's Day. What about you,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: niceer you're staying in for Huh. Yeah, it's just I
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: don't know, it's gonna be crazy out there. Probably restaurant's
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: gonna be packed, you know, packed with social distancing. Obviously,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: just better to stay home. Yeah, it's gonna be so
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: very similar for us. We're probably gonna stay home. Um,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I'll probably try to cook something, but we're It's like
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: so funny because even like for New Year's it's like
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: and obviously like we're in a fan so no one's
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: really doing anything. But like I was like sleeping by
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: eight thirty pm on New Year's. Uh. Valentine's Day is
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: definitely another one of those days where it's like you
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: can go to restaurants and that's great, but it's like
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it's a it's like safer to stay in and do
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: it yourself and be It's just like it's more enjoyable anyways,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Like I would rather just stay home and have like
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: a nice meal and a couple of glasses of wine. Um,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: So it's probably what we're gonna be doing I think, oh,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: that sounds like a great night. And then, of course,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: like you said, nobody's doing anything except for Tom Brady.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: He's having boat parades down in Tampa. Oh there's Oh
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: my god, almost said pip up. We just had someone.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Kylie just asked where is Pappy? And he was sitting
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: here next to me. He just wanted to say hi
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: real quick. Happy Lois has went over there. I can't
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: get her. Um. Also, it's Jordan's birthday, Happy Birthday, Jordan's
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Jordan's If you wanna, if you want to
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: shout out from Ashley, just go to Cameo dot com.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Uh and you can book us. There was plugging getting
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Jordan's Happy Birthday. We hope it's a great one. Thank
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: you so much for tuning in. Uh. This one also
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: is from from Odette beautiful name Dean. How are you
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: and Kalin doing? Are you guys gonna have kids soon? Oh? Oh, Debt,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: that's a that's a funny question. We're doing good, you know,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: and no complaints. We Uh, it's funny because like we
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: definitely you know, obviously I've been spending a lot of
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: time together with quarantine. Well not you know, with just
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: this whole pandemic that's going on, so you can spend
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of time together. Um. And there are times
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: where we get like a little ear irritated with each other.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: But for the most part, on the grands, in the
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: grand scheme of things, things are going well. We like
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: done a good job, will give each other space when
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: we need it. Uh. And and when we are together
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: everything is fine. Uh. And we're not gonna have kids
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: any time in the near future whatsoever. Pathy is enough
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: for us for for the next five fifteen years. But
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure Klin is on the same page
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: with you on that one fifteen years maybe I will
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: see you guys want to rush into things obviously. I
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: also noticed, Dean that the flow is coming back. Your
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: hair looks quite nice. Well, you know, Actually it's funny
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: because I was gonna tell you that I think, did
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: you get a haircut? I did? I trimmed it up,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you did. I was I was liking how messy you
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: was getting. You were looking like very legal, like Titanic
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: or something like that. I looked like I could have
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a van myself. Uh, it was getting pretty shaggy, right.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I would thought that there was gonna be one day
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: where be driving down the highway. I looked to my
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: left and there you are driving your van down the road. Yeah,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I wonder what Ashley, I would we should honestly do
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: that for just for Instagram content. I think ash and
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I should live in a van for a month and
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: just see what happens. I want to see. I would.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I would give you anything you wanted. I would give
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: you Pappy for a month. I would. I would pay
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: you money to try living in the van for the month.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I mean one, well, the money is great, but honestly,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: pappies up. I'd love to live with Pappy for I
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: think you would be fine in the van. I just
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: can't imagine, Ashley. No, well, you can't bring an entire
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: glam room into the van and the one them in
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: right now. Literally the lighting is so good because she
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: has this huge, like five foot vanity. I don't think
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: that's fitting in the van. Doors, the vanity and the van.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Good work. Uh maybe one day, Jared,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: maybe one day. Anyways, you guys, you you beared with
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: us for a solid ten minutes. We're so sorry you
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: had to sit through all that. But the main event
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: is coming up. Ben and Ashley are going to be
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: hopping on uh for their live almost famous. Is there
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: anything that uh we want to stay before we get
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: out of here? Are we staying or are we leaving?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I think we're bringing Ben in. Hey, you're out of here.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Everybody watch out. It's electric, electrifying. I don't know, I
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: don't know. Boys, thank you so much for the introduction. Uh.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: You guys are great. I I know you have a
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: lot going on in life, but the fact that you
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: came here to hang out with us tonight is very
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: very special. Um. Also, Dean, I think you no need
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: to talk. I'm sure the people out there listening could
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: get on board with this. Ashley, I can eddie in
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: a van for two weeks. Two weeks would all be
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I need and it would be incredible. I'm down, let's
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: do it. That would be fun. That wouldn't be fun.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: That would be funny, funny, right? Think about thinking about
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: you know, when you're old and great, you could look
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: back and be like, remember those two weeks I lived
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: in that van. It's one of those adventures that I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: feel like you would not enjoy experiencing, but the memories
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: would be really good. Your guys are had a vacation
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: like that. Yes, absolutely, I would say, like any big
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: excursion I go on, I'm like this is horrible, and
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: then you look back and you're like, Okay, that was
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: actually pretty epic. Yeah special. Well, hey, just to give
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: a rundown of tonight, we do have somebody that makes
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Margarita's drinks on the beach coming on here to hang out.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: He's somebody special. Uh we did have uh, Jared and
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Dean and you guys are great again. It's help I
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Second Dating, which is a great podcast. It's very fun,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: good intent. It's not only bachelor focused, but you kind
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: of expand outside of that world. Uh. It's been what
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: three years now? Yeah, we're strong. Yeah, only a getting stronger.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I have a feeling there's more to that. Also,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: to let everybody know, tonight, uh tonight, a portion of
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: the proceeds are going to save our stages. In fact,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: right before this, I did a meet and greet and
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: actually did a meet and greet as well with a
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: few people who are watching right now, And I got
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: to talk to a wonderful young woman who works in
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: New York City, Uh, in the theater industry and she
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: was telling me how much she's been affected by COVID.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I mean it's been shut down and they're talking about
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: another you know, six or twelve months before Broadway can
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: even book again. Uh. And so you know that's six
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: or twelve months where your career has been put on pause. Uh.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: And so it's a big deal and it's needed. It's
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: not gonna talk about enough. So a portion of the
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: proceeds and I are going to save our stages. And hey,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: what stops you from going out there and just donating
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: to him on your own? Yeah? So true, I missed Broadway.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Um hey, uh, you know, I'm gonna ask you guys
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: to stick around for a second because Dean said something
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: a little bit ago. Um. And here's the next thing
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: in the in this Life to night, I'm gonna read
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: to everybody, and I would love for if you guys
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: give me ten minutes that I could read to you. Um,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: that would mean a lot to me everybody out there. Um,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: so real quick, I'm gonna entro the book if that's okay. Uh, yes, Ben,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: this is your show. We want it totally to be
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: about you, So you just seriously take it from here,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: read anything you want. We're excited. You read the paper,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: if you want your book. UM, well it's listening to
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: for everybody out there watching, this is a really big
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: deal to me. Um. And Alone in Plain Site is
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: a project that started two years ago. I'll tell you
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: a little bit of background. I was going through a
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: really weird time in life where I was feeling super disconnected,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: very isolated, really alone um and confused on how uh
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: to even get there, to get back to a place
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: of connection, or if I ever had been at a
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: place of connection. So I started journaling all these thoughts
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: down because I was going through counseling kind of advising
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: me to write down my thoughts when I was happy,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: when I was sad, when I was disappointed, lonely, and
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: try to point to the common threads and at all.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: And as I wrote this, I kind of just continue
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: to compile my thoughts, uh expound on a bit. And
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: one day Thomas Nelson Publishers came to me, uh and
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: they said, would you everyone read a book? And I said,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I would love to write a book. I just don't
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: know how to write about I don't want to really
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: write a tell all. I don't have in many secrets
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: to share. Uh. The show was was pretty easy on me. Uh,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and so I don't have a lot of hidden secrets
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: to it. Uh. And they said, well, what else could
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you speak on? I said, well, I do write a
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: lot in my journal And they said, if you wouldn't
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: mind making that your book, that would be fantastic. What's
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: your journal about? And so then I had to start
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: going back through my journal and finding common themes um
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: that I could I could find that would allow me
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: to tell a story. So here's the theme I came
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: up with. Uh. As I looked through the things that
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: connected us the most as humans, I found two things
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: in common. Uh, one of which will be shockingly dark
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: and heavy, and it's what I'm gonna read about in
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: a second. The other one, uh is still kind of
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: heavy and dark, but I hope it gets to a
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: place of light for all of us. Uh. The one
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: thing that we all have in common is that we're
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: gonna die and uh, and that that sucks. I know
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: it's not fun to think about. I know it's weird
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to think about, but it's true. Um. I know a
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: lot of us watching this that a lot of us
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: here have had family members who have passed away. It's
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: affected of us deeply, and yet we're all like, we're
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: all connected through that shared pain, which is to my
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: second point. Uh, I think we can all have things
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: that we celebrate in life. However, I've met people that
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I would argue have never felt true joy, full joy,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: and full happiness, given uh, their circumstances, on where they
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: were born, given their family dynamic. Uh, they've never been
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: able to fully celebrate anything. Uh. That's not something to
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: scoff at, it's just truth. And so that can't be
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: the thing that connects us. I I don't think we can.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: We can confidently say that everybody in this life, which
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: is a crazy thing that about on its own, has
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: experienced hope and joy. So on the reverse side of that,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: one thing that we all have experienced is pain and
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: sorrow and suffering. We all have moments that we've felt pain,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: We've all had moments that we felt sorrow, and so yes, Uh,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: that's not really fun to think about. But what if
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: what if his that is the thing that connects us
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: the most? What if as humans that's the place that
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: we can come together and say, I understand, I'm gonna
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: offer you more grace, more love, more understanding, more patients,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: more kindness, because I know that in your life you've
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: been hurt and I don't want to hurt you anymore,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: and I don't want to add to that hurt. So
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I want to sit with you in that pain and
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: sit with you that hurt and help us all move forward. Okay,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: So that's where the book comes from. So it's for
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: it's for people who feel disconnected, um, isolated, alone, misunderstood,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: and I hope for the reader when they're done reading it,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: they feel less alone, uh and they feel more purpose filled,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: more valuable, and more connected than ever. But through the
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: process of writting the book, I was able to one day, Uh,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: this girl's friends reached out to me. Her name was Annie,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: and UM, her friends sext me said, Annie's a big
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: fan of The Bachelor. Would you do a video for her?
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Annie doesn't have long to live and she wants a
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: video from some of her favorite people. So I said, yeah,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I would. So I did a little video for her
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: and it was just saying hey, Annie, thinking about you,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: and I sent it and her friend responded with thank you.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Annie loved the video so much, and there was something
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: that moment that just didn't feel right to me. It felt, uh,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: this will be a pretty popular word, I believe in
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: the next couple of weeks for Bachelor Nation. But it
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: felt performative, it felt fake, It felt uh like I
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: was being a fraud. I sent a video to somebody
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: who is who is twenty two years old and who
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: doesn't have long to live, and I was, what gonna
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: feel better about myself? And so I texted her friend
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: back and I said, Hey, if you went to mind,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: can I call Annie? I just kind of want to,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: And so she gave me her number, Any and I
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: started texting back and forth. Here's Any's story. Because I'm
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: not gonnad the who chapter, I'm gonna read about three
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: pages from it. But Annie was twenty two years old.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Her family's really great. I talked to her dad three
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: days ago, but she's she was twenty two years old.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: She was diaging us with cistic fibrosis. She had too
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: lung transplants, and she was when I was texting with her,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: she had a week before found out that she had
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: just been uh um declined for her third lung transplants,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: so she had three weeks to live and she was
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: literally suffocating as we spoke and at that time I
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: wanted to learn from Annie. What would it look like
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: if you knew you had a limited amount of time left?
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: What would it look like if the one thing that
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I believe connects us as people, if you were facing
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: it head on, knowing you weren't going to stop it, it
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: it was a train coming at you, what would you
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: want to do? I clicked the number and type, Hi,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: any this has Ben Higgins. Caroline, give me your number.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I hope it's okay for me to text you. Annie
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: texted right back. I didn't have UM I don't have
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: her first text still, but I did save many of
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: those that followed. I can't bring myself to delete them.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: They feel sacred to me. They're still on my phone
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: as we speak. I told any How she had inspired me.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: She replied, yeah, I'm trying to turn this into something positive.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I always wanted to make an impact on this world,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: and now I'm finally getting the chance. I always wanted
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to get into YouTube or something, but as afraid of
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: being judge, didn't know if anyone want to hear what
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I had to say. It was my dream job because
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I can't have a regular job since my immune system
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: is so suppressed. I was sad at first, thinking finally
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I can do my dream job, like maybe I have
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: the platform. And it kind of broke my heart, thinking
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: that all my dreams are being true when my life
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: is coming to an end. It didn't seem fair. But
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to think like that. Instead, I'm using
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: it to push me to get better and better so
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: that I can live out my dreams for as long
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: as I can. We texted back and forth for a
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: while that day and some of the next and the next,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: until talking with her was like talking to any of
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: my other friends. She kept asking me, but I she
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: kept asking about me, but I want to know about her.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Her attitude and the face of death just blew me away.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Even though Annie was only twenty two, she seemed to
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: have have a much better grasp on life than nearly
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: anyone I'd ever met, and that's what I really wanted
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: to ask her about. I texted her, one day, you
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: spoke about one to help people recognize the fragility of life.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: In your twenty two years, what have you learned about life?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: What do you tell people? She replied, I've definitely learned
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: a lot, and I've spoken at many events about many
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: different things, such as organ donation, finding a cure for CF,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: motivational speaking. But one thing I've always said was that
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I'll never let CF defy me cystic fibrosis. I never
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: kept it hidden, but it was just a part of me.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I always made my message about how I was, how
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I was a fighter, and how I'd never give up.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: If I gave in, then I'd be letting CF win
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: and take over. I knew I was gonna die earlier
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: than most, and I always said that as long as
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: we cherish every moment and take the time to live life,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: our lives would be worth it. I wept as I
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: read those words. I knew I was going to die
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: earlier than most, and I always said that as long
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: as we cherish every moment and take the time to
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: live life, our lives would be worth it. I promisingly
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: two more pages. I'm not gonna read this whole chapter. UM.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I had just turned thirty, which is one of those
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: birthdays when people act like you're old but you aren't.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Before I met Annie, I felt like I had all
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: the time in the world in front of me. But
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: reading her text, I tried to see the world through
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: her eyes. Life is so short it just keeps getting pushed.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: It just keeps pushing you along, like one of those
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: moving walkways in the airport. We jump on and move
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: forward while life moves past us. We watch it go by,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: but we are moving too quickly to grasp anything until
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: we hit the very end, and by then it's too late.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Annie's life was shorter than most, but life, for everyone
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: is just a breath. I'd always known this, but up
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: until that moment, I had done nothing to get out
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: in front of it or prepare for it. That doesn't
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: mean I never thought about death. I have moments where
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I lay in bed and my mind starts wandering and
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: a darkness sweeps over me. I asked myself, what if
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: the only thing I've ever known is breath? Their sun
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: and our family and faith and love and friends and
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: celebration and laughter and tears and life. But what if
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: it were all taken away? If it's not the right word,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: because it will be all taken away someday. The only
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: question is when can I be honest with you? Thinking
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: about my own mortality and how fragile life is really
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: scares me. Just to think that everything I've ever known,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: everything I take for granted everything I've loved, all of
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: it will be gone in the blink of it eye,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: as this life comes to an end. I am but
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: a breath, and so are you. And here was this
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: beautiful young woman telling me to cherish every moment. I
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: texted her back one more page. What is something you
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: would tell someone who was young and healthy to look
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: for in life? Her reply was the second half of
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: her last text. I'm going to include all of it
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: because she nails exactly what I want this chapter to say.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Then this is Annie. Then when I needed to go
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: to the third lung transplant, I knew I had to
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: fight again, and I was super tired. The last three
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: years a wild in terms of all the crazy health
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: things that went on. The doctors all told me that
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: if I didn't go for a third no one would
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: judge me because no one knows if it will even work,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: since there's only been eleven in the US and three
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: at Duke where I was going. But I told them, nope,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fight. I told them, if I just
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: get one week, uh, if I just get one week
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: being able to breathe again, it would all be worth
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: all the pain and the torture, and then I was
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: told it was over. There was nothing more they could do.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I was scared and frustrated and felt like I was
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: disappointing everyone. I didn't just fight by myself. I had friends, families, doctors.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I had my army behind me fighting too. I wanted
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: to continue to fight for them and for myself. When
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: that video was taken that went viral, the video that
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I was a part of, I was so out of it.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I was told I had forty hours to live, and
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: so my friends wanted to cheer me up. I was
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: so happy and grateful to all these people were reaching
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: out to me. But part of me, but part of
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: part of it made me sad ad because yeah, I
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: would love to meet Taylor Swift, but the way it
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: was happening was because I was dying. I saw a
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: news article saying, gravely sick girl's final wish was to
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: meet Taylor Swift. That's not me. Yes, I had only
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: two weeks to live, but I'm so much more than
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: just a sick girl. My friends and family all explained
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: to me that they thought that they just need clickbait
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and that everyone would see that. I thought my whole
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: life speaking about how about life and how fragile it is,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: so we have to cherish everything in the moment and
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: just be happy. I want the world to hear my
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: voice because this is such an important message, as simple
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: as it is. I'm sure I have to stop reading,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: right am I at a time? It's really your show,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: It's not my show. Well anyways, well I was a passage,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: and I like as someone as a reader, I'm really
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: glad that you shared Annie's story because it really uh
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: puts a lot of perspective for me as well. Like
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: you said, I I'm someone who definitely takes things for
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: granted and time and I get so stressed about things
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: that should not matter. And I think some reading someone's
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: story like Annie's just you know, makes me look at
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: life in such a different ones. Yeah, when you think
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: back on all the passages in the book, I think
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Annie's is one of the ones that I felt like
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: personally just like hit me a little harder. It is
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: crazy how someone ten years your junior can give you
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: so much more perspective on life, you know, absolutely her
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: family reached out two days ago. Um and he has
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: been gone for a year and a half now, um
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: And I read that chapter because I think if in
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: tonight's thing, like you know, I was sitting here before
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: and I haven't had a lot of time to celebrate
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: this book. Uh, launching of books really weird. You like,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: work on this thing for a long time, you package
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: it up, you get super excited about it, it gets
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: out there in the world, and you have no clue
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: how to gauge it. Like you know, I'm not a
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: New York Times bestseller, um, you know, And and that's great.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't expect to be. But it's it's like this
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: weird thing where it's like what is what is success?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Or how do you celebrate this or what does it mean?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: And I think the thing that I want to celebrate
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: and get to celebrating more of is the fact that
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: there's a book out there that I wrote that I
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: took a lot of time on, and that's really cool.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to take that for granted. I don't.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: And I want people watching this to to look at
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: the things around them right now, like the fact you
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: have your arm around Ashley Jared, or that Dean has
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: pappies sleeping next to him, um right now, Like those
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: are things to celebrate, and I read that because I
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: hope somebody out there watching this can just recognize that
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: even when when things are really tough, and when life
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: is but a breath and moving past you faster than
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: you can imagine, and there's chaos and there's confusion, and
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: you don't know when to speak and what to say,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: you don't know what to celebrate anymore, that maybe, just
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: possibly we can slow down for enough time to celebrate
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: the fact that we're here, um, and the fact that
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: that that matters quite a bit. So Um, that's why
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I read that. Any story goes on to talk more,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: and you can read the whole thing for yourself if
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: you go and pick up the book. But her story
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: moves on until the moment that obviously the tech stop,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: and um, Annie was no longer with us. And I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: got a text from her friend Caroline telling me that
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Annie was no longer with us. But I have been
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: able to contact your family and and talk with her
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: dad and and see that, and it still kind of
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: tears me up a bit. Um, but uh, it was
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: a special life. So anyways, that's a piece of Alana planes.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I promise you, I do promise you. But the book
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: is not this like if it's I hope it doesn't
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: send you in a too a tailspin of that was
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: the that would the opposite of what my intention was.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I hope it kind of confronts the heavy things and
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: pulls you back out of it to a place where
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: truth or or understanding comes from. It was. It was beautiful,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: my friends, And yeah, it's just awesome. So keep up
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: the good work. I think Dean and I unfortunately do
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: have to get out of here because you guys do
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: have guests. Uh you are popular are people? Um so
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: love you, buddy. Congratulations, We're so excited for you. Thanks
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: for coming on. All right, well then, um, we have
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: wells up first, and I know that I want you
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: to lead all these conversations. I'm really just an audience member. Um,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: but we're gonna talk about, you know, how how the
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: story is in your book, Like if I believe this
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: is your intention, that, like you're gonna ask kind of
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: us are moments in our lives that we felt the
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: most alone and like what we've learned from them? Right? Yeah? Yeah,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I have a couple of questions lined up for each
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: one of these guests, uh specifically, and you're gonna be
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: answering every one of those questions along the way. So
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I'm putting you in the hot seat. Ashley and Wells,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the almost famous live show celebrating alone a
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: place that you are looking at. Helm. Sorry, I had
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: to step out because I was crying listening to that
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: little excerpt and I had to go powder this because
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: it was bad. I was wondering, are you gonna read
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: the excerpt about when you when uh from the book
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: that talks about when you met me and how happy
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: your life became afterwards? Or is that that's in the
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: acknowledgements that haven't been included yet. Yeah, yeah, okay, cool,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: cool cool. I was just I don't know, like, I
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: didn't know if we wanted to do it now or later.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's fine, your thing, all right, Ben? What's
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: your first question for both of Muh? I look at
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: the two of you. I'm going to compliment you guys,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: uh because I love you both very much. I think
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: you both know how much I care about you both. Um.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: There is a big section in here on friendship and
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: the idea of community. So I'm gonna ask you both
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: two questions about this. One of them is, Wells, when
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: you think of your friendships. Actually you're gonna answer the
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: same question after he does. When you think of in ships,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: what do you look for in friendships? What makes a
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: friendship worth investing into? Ladies first, Okay, well, I would
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: say that probably just like compatibility and common interests at
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: first in a friendship, and then just like being able
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: to talk to each other like completely judgment free, right
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: to be able to vent but not to feel guilty
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: about your needs event, but also to um to like
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: know that even if you're not saying like the most
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: pleasant things, that they get it like that. Um, I'd
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: say loyalty is pretty important to me, um in terms
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: of friendship, Like I need to know that if if
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: we go to the club and I do I say
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: something stupid, I need to know that you're not going
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: to go tell everyone about it. I need to know
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: that you're on my team, all right? Um? What else
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: is important? I think that we need to uh both
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: like Seinfeld, that's importantly. Do you need those common interests
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: to bond you? Immediately? I play, Yeah, you can't be
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: a terrible golfer, because then what are we gonna do
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: on Saturdays? You know all that stuff. That's why Ben
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: and I are so close because we're just both amazing golfers,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: fantastic golfers. I'm gonna try a different Internet because this
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: is really frustrating me. This is a little better. Yeah
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: sounds good right now? Okay, Well, one of the cool
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: parts uh about both those things that I think is
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: really interesting is like we do need friendship, right though. Uh,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: And that's kind of what the book talks about, is
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: the power of community. Uh. And the fact that community
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: makes our lives more rich. Um, it makes our lives
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: more valuable, oftentimes more complex. It's not always easy to
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: enter in those friendships. But you know, you both talked
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: about that idea that friends do matter, and neither one
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: of you said, Hey, I don't really need in my life. Uh,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I don't really need to have other people enter And
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: you both have been friends to me through your time
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: on the Bachelor. So my second question for you guys
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: on three your time is on the Bachelor. Has it
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: increased your your ideas of community and your friendships or
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: has it kind of like pushed those friends aside? Oh,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: I feel like the Bachelor had actually got to create
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: a community for me that I feel like I never
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: had because I was always that person who had friends
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: like in different groups, and I was never in a
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: sorority or anything like that. Yeah, I just felt like
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: all my friends were kind of separate, Like I'd have
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: four core girlfriends that we would you know, go to
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: concerts and hang out with very sex in the city. Like,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: but besides that, there wasn't like a community feel. And
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: the Bachelor gave me that and that was very exciting,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: but something I didn't know that I really needed until
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: it started happening, or like I didn't think that it
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: would enhance my life as much as a death. Yeah,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I think enhancement is a good word for this question.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Like I always had my friends and and my close
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: knit like crew, but um it, it gave me like
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: this whole other layer of of community that I didn't
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: have before even know that I needed, and also gave
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: me a bunch of people that understood the weirdness that
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: my life turned into, which I think was important because
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of my older friends just really couldn't relate. Um.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's I would say the whole Bachelor thing
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: did such a great job of bringing um, so many
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: more people into my lives, Like these two idiots right
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: here and this beautiful woman right here, who's bringing me
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: a drink? That's amazing. Um, I haven't been about friends
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: that do you guys remember the first friend you ever made? Yes, okay, Ben?
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: Who is it? Like? How did it go? James Poe
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: is his name. I was on the playground playing pickup basketball.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I was an only child, so I came into school
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: without any friends, really any connection. I kind of lived
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: in a place that didn't have a lot of people
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: my age. I don't really know anybody coming into school.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: And he was a good basketball player and he was
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: the coolest kidnar grade. And so I went out and
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: I started playing one on one against him and he's like,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: how about we play tomorrow? And I and I knew
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: he was my first friend. That's how my first friendships
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: I were still friends of the day. That's so cute. Well,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: my first friend was Ryan Plachi. Um I met him
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: in preschool and he was my first best friend and
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: he still is my best friend. And um I was
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: the best man at his wedding and he'll be in
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: mine and um yeah, my favorite memory, My favorite memory
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: of him is, uh, there was a sport we had
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: down the street and there was it was like in
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: this big hollowed out tree, right, and so like the
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: four was on top of the tree, but you could
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: go in like down to the ground and the trees
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: was like hollowed out around you. From one day he
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: had he had diarrhea and he went in there to
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: diarrhea and our parents came to drive up and was like,
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: where's Ryan. Where's Ryan. We're looking for Ryan, and I
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: was like, he's diary ng in the tree right now. Um.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Their names were Christina and Jessica Musto. And this is
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: a sad story in the way that like I am
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: no longer attached to them so much so to the
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: point that when I friended them on Facebook about six
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: years ago, they go, I'm sorry, who are you? And
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's sad because I have been bid memories
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: about you. Guys literally calling my name and be like Ashley,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: come out to play. That's what they'd always that was
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: their calling card for me. And then I'd go downstairs
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: and so there their parents owned the apartment that we
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: were living in as a kid, and uh, we'd always
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: just put in their yard. Well, hey, I do I
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: will say this to close that thought. Then I do
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: think there's a power and community. I think it creates memories.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I think it helps us become more interested, and I
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: like kind of like Wells is saying, I think it
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: helps us be our freest versions of ourselves. Wells, things
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: are coming on and I love you, buddy. You're a
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: good friend to me always. But before you go, I
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: do want to give a couple of shout outs. Uh,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: you are a fan favorite. Absolutely. People love you not
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: only from your time on the show, but your time
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: after the show. You've been the bartender from Bachelor in Paradise,
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: which is weird that you're probably best known for that
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: from the whole show now considering you were on a season,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: but that's a whole different deal. Uh. You are the
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: host of the Wells Cast podcast. Um you sit down
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: with celebrities, experts, newsmakers to find out where they came
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: from and how their story began. It's a really cool podcast.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: And you and I share very similar interest in music
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: and I listen to that because I know your perspective
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: is always something to listen to. Well, thanks for joining
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: us to night, Ben, Thanks so much for having me.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: So proud of you for doing this. I know this
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: was tough You've been telling me about this for a
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: long time now, and to see it come to light,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: come to fruition, is just really inspiring. I like the
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: fact that you were able to write these this many pages,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: like I didn't for me to do that. It's not
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: that impressive. I just think back to like my days
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: of like writing essays, and I just like if I
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: were to write a book, there will be a lot
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: of like furthermore, like a lot of those things that
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: you'd like try to get the word count up. So
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: this is impressive, bro. Uh. And also I've read a
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: little bit of it. It's absolutely beautiful books. So you
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: should be really proud, and I'm proud to be your buddy,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: and I can't wait for the second one that's all
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: about me. So I love you, buddy. Thanks for coming on. Hey, Blake,
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: what's up? What's up? Guys? Actually the answer that actually
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: is just asked me how you put so many words
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: in a book? Well, one, it's really easy. When it
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: takes two years, you move very slowly and you gather
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff and you you know what helped me.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: So you'll see a second name on that cover mark
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: tab and it was about uh seven months left in
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: the writing process, I believe for me and I hit
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: a wall, a bad wall, especially for the last two
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: sections of the book. I was no longer able to
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: pull out anything emotionally inside of me. So one thing
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: that we started doing was I voiced a lot of
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: the chapters. I think I told you this. Actually I
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: would walk through and talk through how I wanted the
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: chapters to go, what I wanted to say, what should
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: be included, and Mark helped me formulate a lot of
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: these thoughts into like a readable format um for the
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: probably last yeah, i'd say forty pages or so. He
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: was actively involved in that, and then I would write
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: all of it down and then he would take it
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: and it was a good partnership. That was one way.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I can't take all the credit for this, but I
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: can't take credit for the words that are in there.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Those are my words. I cannot take credit for being
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: able to organize this in such a readable way completely
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: because I did have a lot of a lot of help,
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: and I think most authors do. I think most authors
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: to just have one name on the title probably have
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: a huge editing team behind them that are coaching along.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: I just thought, hey, this dude's out with beside me
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: and asked me a bunch of hard questions, and so
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: let's show his name on the title because he's incredible. Blake,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I have a question for you, man. Tonight, our guests
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: are gonna be able to talk about what you're up to,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: and I can't wait for that. We'll close it that,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: but each guest that are is coming on, I've kind of,
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: um kind of picked out some questions from the book
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: that I just want to ask you personally. And this
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: is one that um is interesting in me because of
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: your story and and then Ashley is gonna answer this
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: as well. The question for you is you've been open
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: about your you know, your time on the show and
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: also your time with mental health. I know you've talked
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: about a lot. It's it's not really something that's hidden
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: at this point, but within those moments, uh, something that
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: doesn't get dove dove into very often is how alone
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: you felt? Um and uh, and I want to ask
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: you just the the simple question of is there a
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: moment in your life that you felt alone? If it's
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: about the show, that would be great because people watching
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: probably do enjoy the show. Uh. And if so, how
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: did you work through that, what did it feel like? Uh?
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: And actually I'm gonna ask you the same thing. Um,
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure that there are you know, obviously,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: the biggest one that sticks out to me when I've
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: felt the you know, the loneliest was definitely coming off
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: a paradise. Um. You know that was that was for
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: multiple reasons. That was a very difficult time for me.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: But UM, when I say alone, it's not that you know,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I had family around me, I had friends. It wasn't
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: in the sense that I was actually physically alone. It
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: was more in the sense that I felt like nobody
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: could relate to what I was going through. And you know,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I was almost scared at time to talk about what
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I was going through because, um, it was you know,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: shamed or looked down upon to be you know, anxious, depressed,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: especially as a man, and the sigma that comes with that.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: And so I felt alone in the sense that nobody,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: you know what could relate to what I was going through.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: So that's why in your book at times been it's
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and and you know other should not only men, but
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: everyone that speaks out about their their struggles and kind
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: of their experiences. Um, it just helps others feel more
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: comfortable in talking about it. And when you talk about it, um,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: it allows you to get through it. Not only you
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: know faster, um, but it also helps down the line
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: because you you still I still have my bad days
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: in my good days, but I'm able to, I guess,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: recover faster if you will, because I'm able to reach
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: out to certain people that I know will we can
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: relate and we'll talk about it. And so I mean
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: there are times reading this Ben where in a weird way,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: like I'm like feel like I'm kind of reading like
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: your diary at a time, but like in the best way,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: you know, because you're so vulnerable and open in it.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: And that means a lot to people who do feel alone,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: because you know, even if it's just one person, that's
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: always say I talked about my experience on the show,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: And if it affects just one person and they feel
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: comfortable enough to speak on or to reach out to
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: somebody or to seek therapy, then you know, that's that's
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: what worth it. So yeah, so shout shout out to you,
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: making a lot more people feel, you know, not not lonely.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting because it did start out as a
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: journal um, and oh well, while Ben is rebooting, UM,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: I will share the story of when I was felt
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: most alone, and that was when, probably like getting into
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: my twenties, when I was the only person in my
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: friend group. I was starting to be the only person
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: in my friend group who had never had a boyfriend
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: and I had never had sex, and the whole virgin
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: thing was getting me to feel very um. I couldn't
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: relate to a lot of people at that point because
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: I was like the only one left and I was
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: and it was very much out of choice. But when
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: the conversation, when conversations would come up in groups of
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: friends that didn't know that I was a virgin, and
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: they'd start talking about like their best time or their
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: first time, I'd be like, does anybody need anything else
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: to drink? And I'd like, you know, Joe, Bob and
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: would be like so awkward because I just I was like,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: how do we get off this topic? How do I
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: not let on this? Like it's such an intimate thing
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: to talk about, like like like playing never have I ever?
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: And all five fingers up, but everybody else would never
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: have I ever? Maybe suggested as a game. My heart
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: would drop. I'd be like, I'm out, I hate never
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: ever ever know, it's so lame. So I yeah, I
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: definitely started to feel very alone then, and I always
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: kind of kept that part of me as something that
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: just my best friends would know. Um, And then on
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: the show, I was open about it in my audition process,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: which of course led me to being you know, encouraged
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: to talk about it on the show. And on the
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: show again, I felt very scared and alone, and I
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: felt like it was such a turn off, and I
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: was like, no, but I'm so, I'm so weird for
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: being a twenty six year old virgin. But then it's
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: weird that it's weird, it's a coincidental, it's it's ironic
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: that Becca is gonna be up next. Because Becca actually
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: was one of the first people who made me felt
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: very much not alone. We were sitting around, She's like,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: why are you so upset? I'm like, I just told
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: everybody that I'm a virgin, and she's like me too,
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: like no way, no way, And that was kind of
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: the beginning of me being like, oh, like I could.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I did embrace it as a decision, but I didn't
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: necessarily embrace it as like something to talk to people
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: about so Um. Then as soon as everybody knew because
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: of the show, I actually felt very much less alone
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: because so many people will come up to me and
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: talk about how they related to me in that and said,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: thank you for providing me somebody on TV that I
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: can look up. Oh hey, I'm not alone in this area. Yeah,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: it's interesting. How Sorry I cut out for a second,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: but I'm back and I should be good now. I
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: test everything. Um, I caught everything you're saying. He's cann't
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: see me. It's interesting how some of our most like
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: vulnerable moments connect us to most with others. Uh. And
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I think that is something to learn too, is just
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: to recognize that is the moments that like make us
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: feel most disconnected and make us feel the most pain
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: actually connect us to others because, as we said at
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: the beginning, every most people, if not everybody, and I'm
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: gonna say everybody has felt some sort of pain. And
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: uh and when you hear somebody's story, it's really hard
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: not to like him. It's really hard, uh not to
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: want to get to know more about them and uh
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: and I think that's just a good lesson for us
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: all to know. Um Blake, Thanks for talking that. Now.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: I know we have a minute or two here left
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: with you. Um, what are you to these days? What
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: can people how can people go find you? How can
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: they celebrate you? What? What's going on in Blake's life? Yeah, yeah,
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I'll get into that. I do want to touch bas
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: because I don't think I ever I've talked about it
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: maybe once been when we were on that mental health
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: UM kind of panel that we were on, but I
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: remember kind of what going off what you just said.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I remember, Ben, you said something to me that is
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: still stuck with me two years ago. I was two
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: years ago, right through going through paradise, but you said,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: you know, coming off the Bachelotte, you weren't that relatable
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: because you have this like quote unquote golden image. But
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: He's like, right now and what you're going through, you'll
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: never be more relatable than you are right now. And
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: that's stuck with me because I was like, you're right,
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: like you just said, everybody's been through pain, everybody's hit
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: rock bottom, and everybody's bottom might be different, but everybody's
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: hit a rock bottom, and you know people can relate
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: to that. So I just thank you for saying that,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: because that's stuck with me over the last two years
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: and everything. So um, that mental lot because I was like,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: you know what, you're right, and that was like a
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: one where I was like, Okay, I'm gonna talk about
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: my experience. I'm gonna try and relate to people and
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: hopefully help others along the way. So um yeah. And
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: then as far as like where you can find everything, yeah,
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: I uh, you know, I've been I've been up. I
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: got a podcast now, Behind the Rose podcast this week. Yeah. Yeah,
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: Ashley was our guest on our Bachelor recap that went great,
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: and um yeah, we do some baschl recaps on Monday,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: and then we got a lot of um, some reality
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: stars come on talk about their experience on the show.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: We're very mental health focused. Um. We have musicians, a
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: lot of country musicians come on and discuss life on
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: the road, their story, how they did with mental health
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: and you know, the stresses that come with living in
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: the public eye and that kind of thing. Um. So yeah,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: that's that's kind of what I'm going through right now.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: I'm passionate about and um, still here in Denver, and
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: yeah that's about it. So you find me at black
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and go listen to Behind the Rose Podcast. Yeah,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: I know we're hoping soon you're gonna be able to
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: get back out there, uh, DJ world Keeping traveling the US. Uh,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: people can find you there, but until then they can
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: listen to you again on Behind the Road Rose podcast.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Ashley was a guest. I've done it. Um, you can
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: go back, I don't know a couple of weeks and
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: find that one. Blake, Thanks for coming on nine. Thanks
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: for appreciate everything with us, Thanks for celebrating. Yeah, congrats Ben,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: guys up next, Uh, Ashley, we do have a really
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: special guests and when we both love UH with our
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: full hearts. She's one of the kindest, sweetest people I've
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: ever met in my life. You and her are one
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: of just I think four people from the Bachelor world
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: that I asked to write a endorsement on the book.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Becca is here right now, beca till everybody. We're just
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: talking about moments like you know, when we for LAWI
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: both felt alone in life and I was saying that
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: you do you remember during that Rose Ceremony cocktail hour,
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: you when I was crying because I was open about
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: being a virgin, and then you got me too, and
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: I was, Oh my god, that's like when my whole
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: I like saw shining stars like somebody else. I know
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: that she's like the full package. That moment lives on
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: with me, because I remember I hadn't talked about being
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: a like. I was like, I'm not I don't want
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: that to be like my storylines. I'm not even gonna
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: bring it up during pasting. And then I was just like,
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: you were crying. And then when you shared it with me,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: my first reaction was like only two. And then I
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, I didn't know I have a Michael
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: and there's like seven cameras on me, like great afterward,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she was she was relating to me,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: and now she stepped in it. Yeah, like the Battle
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: of the Virgins. After that, please please tell me that
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: this is one of those scenarios where like Actuley's crying,
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: there's maybe like one camera falling or um, and then
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you say that and every camera
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: camera just swirls as fast as possible right up on you.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: Is that what happened? Immediately there was someone goes Secca interview,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: I t M and I was like, oh man, And
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: then and then I was standing there and she's like,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: so just say I'm a virgin and that that line
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: came on. It was used multiple times throughout the seats,
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: isn't I'm interesting? Well, uh, Becca, I'm really thankful you
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: joined us. I've said it and I mean it. Um.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: There are a few people from this bachelor world who
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: has impacted me, uh greatly. You are definitely one of them.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Actually knows she is one of them, but you are
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: one of those people. You've been so kind, uh to
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: my now fiance Jessica. You've been so kind to me.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: We've had really great conversations around faith and politics and life.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: I'm asking every guest that comes on one question actually
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: has to answer it as well. Um. And I've asked
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: this question to actually already before, but I really want
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: to hear from you. There's a chapter in the book,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: and you've read the book, but it talks about connecting
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: with self and eliminating labels, expectations, all the shame, all
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: the guilt, all the things have been placed us on
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: us by this world, leaving us to ask the question
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: like who are we if everything else goes away? And
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you that question, Becca, because there's a
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: lot to you and a lot of beauty to you.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: Who are you Becket Tilly if all of those things
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: get wiped away? Oh? Um? I mean to be just
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: truly honest, I'm in the process of figuring that out.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Like I think this year, more than ever, I have
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: actually really made an effort to figure out the answer
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: to that question, because I think I've spent a lot
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: of my life like living for the expectations of other
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: people and um, and especially being on a such a
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: huge show and having a platform, and people have these
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: like very specific expectations of what lane they want you
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: in and what they want you to say and how
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: they want you to approach things. And I finally this
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: year like started going to therapy because I was like,
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: I can't, I have to. I need someone to kind
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: of help me get there, because I think my whole
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: life has been this um pleasing other people, and I
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: almost didn't even know how to up doing that on
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: my own because I didn't even realize I was doing it. Um.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: So I don't even know if that's a good answer
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: to your question, but that is kind of I'm like,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: that whole question has been my journey this last year.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: It's it's a great answer one because it's true. Um,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: So there's not like a right answer to that. I
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: think for me, it's nice to hear that. And it's
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: interesting because the more and more I asked that question
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: to people as I wrote the book, and as as
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: people aren't there watching, most people are in that place.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: I'm in that place where it's a constant journey. It's
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: a constant um asking of that question. Who am I?
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Who am I today? Who am I in this moment?
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: Who am I in this response to this thing? This
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: thing is making me feel angry? You're confused? Why like,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: who am I in this in this time, in this event?
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: And and I think that's I think that might be
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: the answer. And I the reason I asked this, and
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: the reason I say that is because I'm sure there's
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: people out there who have seen both of you on
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: social media and said, wow, uh, those were are beautiful.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: They have it all together, They've got it figured out,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: they're doing their thing. Life seems to be easy, like
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: they've got it, and they go, I just wish I
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: could I could be like them. I just wish I
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: could have it all figured out. Both of your responses.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: So actually I've already asked you the question of who
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: are you and you can answer it if you'd like
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: right now. Um, but I want to ask you that
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: question is like when people assume that or think that
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: about you, what would be your response to the mean
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: you definitely only see one side, if if even a
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: side of a person watching them on TV. You're seeing
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: like the smallest little bit and um, you know you
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: often see like either like the funniest side, uh, like
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: the most put together side you could, in my situation
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: see like the most like uh emotional side. They're definitely
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: not seeing all of their struggles and you're not seeing
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: like you're not always seeing their insecurities and stuff like.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: There's plenty of life beyond what they see on TV.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: And I think that everybody or any screen actually for
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: that matter, So um, you just have to take that
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: in consideration every time you're feeling envious of somebody's life
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: through a screen. Mhm, that's true, It's very true. I
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: just I I think it's it's so almost comical for
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: people to think that, like all of us have it
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: all together, you know, like the I consider y'all some
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: of my closest friends from the show and some of
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: our conversations we've had, and um, I would say both
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: of you are do a very good job of being vulnerable.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think you put on this like facade that
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: everything is perfect on social media. But it is funny
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: that to think that people have that idea that there's
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: no insecurities, there's no struggles, it's all together, there's no anxiety,
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: it's all just easy going all the time, which for
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: me is not the case. It hasn't been the face
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: at all. It's uh yeah, I even tonight, you know,
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting here and I was getting ready to do
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: this and Jessica was getting ready to head out. She's like,
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: how you doing it? And I was like, I don't know.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: I have my my stomachs and nots. I have a
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: very anxious stomach. I don't know right now, I don't
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: know how I feel, how I think. I just I'm
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: I'm trying my best time, and uh that's it's weird
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: because I was. I was also getting ready to first
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: for the first time take time. I had a market
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: account of just celebrate this book because it's been a
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: lot of interviews and it's been a lot of talking,
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: and it's been a lot of questions about my ex relationships,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: and it's been a lot of questions about how I
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: writ in the book about my struggle with addiction, and
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: it's those things are like how many times can I
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: talk about those things in the course of the day
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: before I kind of become known to them like before,
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: they no longer like before. I'm just a fraud again,
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm I'm right, I am the thing I write
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: about in the book that I don't want to be
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: the most Um. Yeah, I mean, I mean you're you're
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: at a certain point and I know you both have
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: experienced this, but you have your truth. You have the
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: answer to the questions they have. You can when you're
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: being asked the same question over and over again, you're
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: only able to tell your truth. And by the time
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: the end of the day comes, you've repeated your truth
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: so many times that you feel like it's not even
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: your truth anymore, because it just became like autopilots. So,
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: but Ben, I know that you had sometimes while writing
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: this book where you would like get into a deep
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: dark hole. It's because like you kept going back to
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: your past and thinking so much about it. But you're
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: just know that like you are not alone in those
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: moments like that happens to everyone. Even it's like long
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: drives in the car by yourself and you and you're like,
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: oh my god, that memory to lead to that memory,
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: leads to that memory. Um. When I do want to
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: wrap up this interview with with Becca in an a
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: little fun light because we both met you were on
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: the same time, and we both definitely felt the very
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: similar are ways about like the endearingness and just like
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: the the special intention that you get from Ben when
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: you first meet up. How Um, what was your favorite
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: first first issue memory of Ben? Like? What made what
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: was like a great first memory? Um? I would probably say, no, no,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: we all life. That's the thing. It's like, which beautiful
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: memory do you share? Uh? You know, my one of
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: my favorite memories is actually probably at your wedding. And
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: I had so many before then when I was on
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: your came on to your season because I just I
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: I just thought you were so great and um, but
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: when we were at your wedding, ash, Um, there was
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: just this it felt like Ben and Jazz, like I
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: just met Jess and it just felt like my friends,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: and I was able to share some things that I
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: hadn't shared with a lot of people from the Bachelor
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: world at that time in my friend groups there, and
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: he just he's just everything that everyone thinks he is.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: He really is the I have a good beck of
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: memory in fact, that Becka came onto the season and
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: in Worse Ondiana. Um, I said goodbye to Becca and
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: it was not easy, uh, And I sat down on
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: a park bench with her. I thought the park bench
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: is still there, and she got She just glares at
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: me and I was like, oh no, like because like
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: I had this like just deep and I knew like
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: after the show she would I wanted her to be
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: one of the first people I reached out to be like,
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: because like we can still be friends, like I love you,
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: like I care about you, like and she just looked
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: right through me, and I was like, I'm done, Like
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: this is over. You told me you want to do this.
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: He told me to do this, and I was like,
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: I like, hey, Becca, thank you for coming on, thank
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: you for writing announcement again, um scrubbing in podcast with
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: that antonia something was to something to pick up, um,
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: something to put in your ears anytime you can, Becka,
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: tell you everybody, thank you, congratulations. But I love you guys,
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: love you Ben. Before we go to a Q and
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: A with some of the watchers. Right now, I just
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: want to share my my first memory of you. And
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: I know I've done this on the podcast before, but
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: like we were in my hotel room with a whole
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: bunch of other people after mental all and I just
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: remember literally being mind blown by how good of a
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: listener and like how engaged you were in conversation with
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: people for the first time. Like, even though there was
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: chaos or maybe not like chaos, but a lot of
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: things going on, it was a very exciting night. Like
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: when you're talking to someone, you give them your time
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: and all your energy and all all your brain and
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: it's really really something. It's really nice, and it makes
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: everybody feels so special. And let's that's just me Like
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: you didn't when like my parents and stuff, when you're
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: at our wedding, like everybody who's meeting you for the
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: first time feels the same line. Not so sweet. See Ash,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: you know, we've done this thing together now for four years.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: So we met on that night. We've been doing this
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: weekly for four years together. Um, yes, we can celebrate
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: the book and I would love to, but we also
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: got to celebrate that tonight. That is always something to
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: remember and something that we Uh you are. You are
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: my longest standing relationship today. Um, yeah, it's a partnership.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: But I do think that you're listening skills and the
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: fact that you just zone in on people's stories helps
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: so much in the creation of this book because I mean, like,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: you care like no one else. It's all right, So
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: she'll shall we move into some questions? We should Yeah,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: we should definitely do that. Um. How's the house hunting going, Ashley?
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: This one's from Christie. Wow, what a different topic. Um.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: We have decided, well, basically, we're going to like move
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: out of our apartment next month, which is so weird.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: We're gonna be like just prossiting around between his sister's
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: house and my family's house until we can get like
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: a good a rental that we like enough to stay
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: in for like about six months and hopefully that would
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: take us into the building of our own home in
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: Rhode Island. So that's how the house cutting is going.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: We've kind of given up on house hunting and we've
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: decided that we're going to go straight into building, even
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: though that was something that we were planning on doing
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: for a couple of years. We just feel like that's
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: what both of our guts are pulling us tours. I
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: didn't know this, that's big news. So what do you
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: do with all your stuff? So you're packing it all up?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: Is it going to Rhode Island and you guys are
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: just gonna couch surf? Yeah, it's going to Rhode Island.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: It's gonna seeing a storage unit for a while. And
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: then so his sister's husband is away in the military.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: He's in ball Rain until November, so we have our
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: own room there. And then we have plenty of space
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: with my parents. So we're just gonna spend time with
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: family until like May, and then we may look into
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: getting a place in Rhode Island for six months to
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: a year. And then you know, if l A calls
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: back next year and everything is like up and running
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: and we have to be here for work, we may
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: get a small place like in the valley. Okay, two
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: questions for you, just follow up answering as quickly you want.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: Are you ready to leave l A. I know this
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: is hard for you. Um, I guess that's it. Are
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: you ready to live in l A? And I guess,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: are you ready to go to Rhode Island? So yes
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: and no. Like the fact of that we're leaving this
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: apartment that I thought that we were going to stay
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: in for a long at least like another two or
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: three years makes me feel weird because like this was
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: such a gem and when I found it, I was like,
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: I'm never letting it go. The City of l A.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: I'm actually pretty cool with leaving right now. I think
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: it has to do with an a each thing. It
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: may have to do with a COVID thing, uh, but
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: it just doesn't have the magic that it had for
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: me at one point. It's so very glitterly when you
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: move here, um, and everything is exciting. Um. A lot
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: of it is very superficial, and a lot of it
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: is very fun for single people. But like, once you
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: like get to that I'm married, like we like to
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: nest and like make dinner every night type situation, that
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: doesn't have as much of an appeal. And then I'm
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: definitely ready to move to Rhode Island because I love
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: Rhode Island. That's that's gonna be fun. The winters maybe
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: not so much. I'm looking into getting heated hardwood floors. Yeah,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: called Jessica. She can tell you all about cold weather
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: right now. She has cold weather driving gloves, a parka,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: and a hat that she drives in her car with.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: So when you see her, she looks like a marshmallow
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: driving down the road. It's it's actually very electric gloves. Yeah,
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: she literally does. Okay, next question that we got today,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: and this was from Madeline. What I guess this is
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: to me? What was your favorite part to write? My
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: favorite part maybe the part I got the most out of. Okay,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say my least favorite part because it turned
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: in my favorite part now. I was on a tour
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: bus for Bachelor Live on stage and I had to
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: write the last section of the book and it was
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: about my connection with God. And at that point in time,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: after hearing the stories in the book, like Annie's and
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: there's many others that are written about, I had a
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: lot of doubt, questions, and confusion and I was in
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: a really heavy, dark place. I was actually uh, it
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: was three am every morning, um for a month and
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: a half. I was waking up in deep sweats, my
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: heart was racing, and I was having like the scariest thoughts,
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: like I couldn't get bad thoughts out of my head.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: And so that's what sent me into my second round
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: of counseling because I was having I mean what they
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: call now like a panic attack. But this wasn't just
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: like an anxious attack which I had today, like where
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: my body starts sweating and stuff. This was like attack
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: in a panic attack yeah, definitely, Yeah, And so like
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: these were like full on and it was because I
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: don't I don't really know the reason yet I'm not
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: having them right now. Um. But it was a really
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: big growth season for me because I was digging into
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: like why I say I believe in Jesus, Why I
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: say believe in God in general? Like if I do
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: believe in a God, what is that like? What then
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: is my response? If I don't, what would that mean
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: for me? And these are huge life questions and it
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: helped me now filter through some of these things that
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: like maybe I hadn't spent as as much time as
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: I needed to. I see. The second part of that
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: is listening to these stories of humans that are incredible,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: some of them are no longer with us, but incredible humans.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: That was actually a lot of fun for me because
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I got to grow through that. Um. And they spent
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: their time with me. Um, like Annie, uh, spending it
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: up until the last breath she took. So I don't
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: I don't want to take those things for granted. That
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: was that was I guess I enjoyable feels like a
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: weird part word to use, but it was. It was
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: helpful and I'll never forget it. Um. I think there's
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: more question. Yeah, it's from Caitlin and it says what
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: inspired either write this book? Like, was there pivotal moments
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: that inspired it or was it truly just they came
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: to you to ask would you write a book? Well,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: let's answer that. So, yeah, that was why I wrote
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: the books, because they came and asked. Um. But the
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: concept of the book had existed long before that. Uh.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: And it really happened. And actually we've talked about it.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: But you know, my story is this, and it's not
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: one to feel bad about. It's just my stories. I
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: moved to Denver, Colorado. I was an only child. I
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: had no friends in Denver, but it was the only
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: job that offered me a job, and so I went
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: and took this job. I knew nobody out there, and
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: so for a year of my life, I would go
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: to work, I go back home. I would sit on
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: my couch uh and I would go to bed and
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: wake up, and it was a really sad life, like
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: I was not doing well. Um, I had not made friends,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: I had not dated, uh, and it was just kind
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: of a spiral out of control. Well, long story short,
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: the Bachelor calls I go on the Bachelor, and then
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I had become the Bachelor, and
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: the tagline for that season is the Perfect Bend. And
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: as soon as I saw it, my heart dropped because
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: I realized that I was never gonna live up to
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: that expectation. I was gonna fall short of that. And
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: even if I try to look up to the expectation,
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: that's not how I want people to know me. I
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: don't want them to know me as this perfect human
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: because that's far far from who I am. And I
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: want people to be able to look at me and say, hey,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: he's willing to sit in my with me, like he's
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: willing to sit with me in my worst moments. I
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: don't want to look at me and think, oh, he's
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: just a fake and a fraud and he can't relate
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: with me. And so that happens then become the Bachelor,
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: and there's a lot of attention that comes with that,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: and some of that attention feels really good. Initially it
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: feels really like addicting and euphoric, and it feels really
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: really exciting, and then it fades and I remember this,
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: this is an interesting story that I don't write about
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: in the book. And and I'll close because you only
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: have a few minutes left here. Um, I remember this. Uh,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: it was my final episode. My parents were up on
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: stage with me and Chris Harrison. There's a clock in
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: the back that shows how much time is left in
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: the show, and there was three minutes left in the
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: clap and he was done, like somehow they had messed up.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: He was done. He looked at me, he goes Ben.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: At commercial break, he says, Ben, Uh, do you have
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: a few words you can say for three minutes because
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: we need three minutes to fill It was like I don't, yeah,
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: I'll try something. And I stood there. I was like,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: what do you want to say? And it hit me
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: as I said, and I remember this, I said, this
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: is my last time as the Bachelor on this stage.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: I know this has been my fifteen minutes of Fame Fame,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: and I know it's ending, and if I have one
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: thing to give, I just want to say thank you
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: because I knew that that show is going to change
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: my life forever, enhance it forever. Well, long story short,
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: fame fades. I got into a really dark place, A
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: breakup happens even darker place, and I started journaling, and
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: and that kind of ties into what we're talking about earlier.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: And uh, and that's where the journal came from. I
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: just I wasn't doing well and I needed to keep
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: building upon this journal that had started when when I
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: first moved to Denver. Wow, that's this is totally meant
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: to be. Like honestly, like everything seems like it's just
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: leading up to this book and being meant to be
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: because I do think that like your purpose in one
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: of your one of your purposes is to make people
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: feel less alone. And if you didn't have those moments,
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: as horrible as that is, that people would able to
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: read this and then they wouldn't be able to relate
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: and feel better about their loneliness. Like I was before
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: you started talking like five minutes ago, I was like,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: I wonder if him being an only child, like lad
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: to like a lot of the loneliness that he feels.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, no, like, there's a bigger
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: picture here. There's like so many little elements that add up,
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: you like having the background to write a book like
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: this and therefore makes many people feel better. Yeah, I
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: I agree with you. I don't. I'm not mad. I mean,
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: it's kind of why we say like, I don't want
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: to be the victim in this because some of those
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: hard some of the hardest moments build an empathy and
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: a relatability inside any where. I can look across the
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: table and said, I've been there, and I know what
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: you I know what you don't need to hear, and
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: that's me trying to fix you. I can just sit
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: with you in this because I know you've been there. Actually,
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: tonight has been really special to me. Thank you for
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: sitting with me. Thank you for always supporting me, thank
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: you for being my co host and us. I don't
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: even think we've ever argued, which is pretty impressive. Um,
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: that's actually even when we call and like we call
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: each other about how to handle situation, we're pretty much
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: always on the same page. Pretty good at it. Uh.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: But thank you for your support here till Jared. Thank
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: you for his support. Thank you for so much spending
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: this evening UM talking about my book and and doing
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: it here on this platform. Thanks to my heart and
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: almost famous team UH for doing this with me tonight,
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: and thank you for all you out there watching UH.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: I wish I could give you all big hugs, UM,
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: but we can't. Where's your favorite place for people to
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: get the book? The local bookstore. I'm always an encourage
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: of the small local bookstore. They need to help. Obviously
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: those businesses are struggling. But if you don't go there,
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: it's on Amazon. I read the audible book myself, and
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: you heard me reading earlier. I mess up often, so
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: you gotta imagine how much time that took me. Actually,
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: I'm very surprised when you were reading those three pages,
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: how like you didn't stumble at all. I'll be like,
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: oh God, he must have read this over and over
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: again for him to be so smooth. And I'm not
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: saying that about you. I mean you know what I mean,
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: because I can't not, I can never read. We will.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: We read ads were like great, cut that out, cut
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: that out? So you are perfect at reading your own book? Yeah?
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: It happens. So the Audibles out there, Kendall, Amazon, Barnes
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: and Noble, all those places. Um, you can get it,
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: or you can just go do Ben Higgins book dot
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: com right now in order from there. Hey, Ashley, we're
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: gonna do this the same way we always do it,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: because this has been a blast. Thank you for joining
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: the Almost Famous podcast promoting my new book Alone in
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: Plain Sight. And Ashley, it's very in here. You have
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: a book out there, what it's it called Lucy and Clark,
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: a story of puppy love, and you can get at
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: Lucy and Clark book dot com. How sweet of you
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: to plug right hey with that. I've been been, I've
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: been Ashley. Follow the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: podcasts on I our Radio, or subscribe wherever you listen
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: to podcasts.