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Live with The Joy Jolt · The Joy Jolt Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hello, everyone, and welcome to The Joy Jolt podcast this week.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Natalie Ledwell,
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: and this week I am joined by my very good friend,
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: actually,
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: and Susan's very good friend who is still sailing Croatia right now,
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Dr. Marcia Cole.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, darling.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've been so excited and joyful about the anticipation of our conversation.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're always in the joyful conversations, which I love.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so you'll find Marcy here on Substack.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Her newsletter is called Wander into Wisdom.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So you can definitely find her there.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You are a doctor level, doctor level holistic psychotherapist.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Will we say that?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: You are bringing an expanded view and expanded modality to therapy.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we have had many conversations when it comes to really being a champion
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: and really standing for our own joy,
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: especially in a world where things are so chaotic and antagonistic right now.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to be talking about how we embody that
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: when we feel like things are kind of taking us off kilter,
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: how we can get back to joy,
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: which I think is a skill that is really important for all of us to have right now.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And before we started recording today,
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Marcia was just telling me about an experience that you had just recently with,
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: was it a manager or a waiter?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who was that?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it was a really unusual experience for me because I pretty much curate who's
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: in my life and the kind of circumstances and the kind of rooms I walk into.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: But we were in a hotel.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Long story,
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: which I won't get into the details,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: but there were problematic things that happened the night we arrived.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: The desk clerk was very, very kind, compassionate, validating.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked for some compensation as a result,
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: but also to change a room because the room that we were promised did not happen.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: And anyway, the whole thing, the elevator was broken and all this kind of stuff.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And we've been traveling literally for six months on the road in this nomadic travel experience.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we were tired and respectfully, I shared all this.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so she said, you know what?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Let me talk to my manager.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Please talk to him tomorrow morning.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: I've never in my life,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: as I just shared with you,
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Natalie,
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: had an experience where you're sharing something respectfully and a manager,
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: a manager,
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: customer service,
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: who's supposed to be about that and solving problems was so incredibly dismissive
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: and demeaning and rude and offensive.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: So in that moment,
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Which I didn't realize till
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: later because of course I unpacked it to try to curate
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: the experience,
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: learn from the experience that I will be doing a video also on my own page about it
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: because these things can happen in life.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Someone can flip you off on the road and you're like,
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: whoa, I was having a good day and whatever.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And this guy, it was like he threw up on me.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, okay, so what happened here?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And what it did was it actually encouraged me and inspired me to write a sort of
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: an acronym of how to deal with these situations,
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: which again, I'll be writing an article about.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: But
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: the fast track here is that I backtracked my steps of what I did.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing is I felt like crap because I felt like I was attacked verbally
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: and it felt terrible.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I was with that, but I did not react to him, okay?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I said, you know what?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not comfortable with the way you're speaking to me.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think at one point I said, wow.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: All I could say was like, wow, I can't believe it's happening.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he sort of mocked that.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he basically said,
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I've been up all night dealing with the elevator because of people like you.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So that kind of thing.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, just be on route.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I came and I said to Michael, Oh my God, I cannot even believe.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it was with me.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, so we, we had this exchange, Michael and I went to breakfast.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: It was with me at breakfast.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I said to Michael, you know what?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can't move into joy right now.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's not what I said.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: But that, that is not where I'm at.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: I am not, I am like, well, my nervous system, my stomach, I was like, that was so unpleasant.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so I said, okay, let me walk my talk.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: What would I be supporting others and walking through if this happened to them?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing is just be with it.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Just be with it, okay?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: And acknowledge it.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And with recognition and compassion and be like, that was not fair.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: That was, you know, and that did not feel good.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I sort of started thinking about
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: What I can do with this.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing I did was I had my moments.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I heard someone say recently, like a bad moment happens in our life.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: It can, it deserves a moment, but not your entire day.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like,
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: all right,
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: this is not going to hijack the rest of my day, but I was with it at breakfast.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: They just leave me alone for a while.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, okay,
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then we went on our fabulous day of seeing like we were in nature
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: and we were just, you know, having a great day.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's amazing.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a movie theater,
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: no matter what is going on in your life, it literally disappears for two hours.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like you were completely.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so it shows us that our minds and our nervous system are receptive to pivots
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: when we are ready to change the direction of our focus.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I did.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm taking empowered action about this, okay?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: So which isn't always necessary or what we choose to do, but in this case, I'm doing it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes that's how we come back to equilibrium.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I pause,
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't react,
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I felt what I felt, I let it go, but then I also am taking empowered action.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's a cheat sheet, a little bit of what- So
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: what does empowered action look like?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, look, it could be anything.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say you're in a relationship And you have,
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: disharmony going on,
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: you're in a disagreement or whatever, and you have any exchanges and feel good.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: How do you get back to a connected, joyful experience?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know,
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: you wait until both parties are receptive enough and you sit down and there's lots
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: of,
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I have lots of strategies and ways that we can better listen to each other
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: and ourselves and each other.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so it can be a discussion that's productive,
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: that's kind,
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: that where you have active listening, where you seek to understand the other person.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I call it, Natalie, I call it what happens with that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: When I work with couples, I watch it.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's like they have this thing and they're just like this.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then both parties talk about what happened from their perspective,
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: not blaming,
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: not saying I'm right and you're wrong,
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: just walking through it, like stand in my shoes.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is what it was like for me.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other person is the same.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then I see what happens often.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I call it soft dice where all of a sudden there's a person like, oh, that's what happened.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to agree with someone's experience to have a compassion for them.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I watch it.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes it's that.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's having with your beloved a conversation that's healing or family or a friend.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: In this case, I'm reporting the incident.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: When people have had trauma and they've had terrible things happen,
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: if they're alone with it and there's a secret,
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: oh my gosh,
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: talk about like weighing down any potential for joy for you to embrace
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: and experience and embody and express your joy.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot of ways,
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: everybody just has to think,
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: what do I, is there, by the way, this is not, like I said, necessary.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: It can be an internal job where you just work it through.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes that piece is important to work it through with somebody or to report
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: an incident that's unjust.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I want to go back to what you were saying about the moment
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: because I think this is a very important thing that we need to recognize
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: because I remember the week after Glenn and I had split up.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm walking every morning because I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember just thinking, oh, my God, what am I going to do?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I going to live?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, what's going to happen?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this is, you know, I was just screaming.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until maybe day four.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was walking each morning, I was listening to The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I actually heard any of the book before.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Until day four, you know, until my mind started to calm down a little bit.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember, and I'm paraphrasing, but he said something like, you know what?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a moment.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's one out of millions of moments that you're going to experience in your life.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, whatever's happened in this moment has happened.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can't control that.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what you can control is how you choose to see it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: How you choose to respond to it and how long you allow it to affect you
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: moving forward.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we have control over.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it really helped me to shift.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what it did is it shifted that question that I was asking myself of,
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: well, who am I without him to, wait a minute, that's not the question.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: The question is who do I want to be?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I get to completely reinvent myself right now.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I had this opportunity to do that.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm now Natalie Ledwell individual by myself going out into the world now.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, it was a very strong realisation I had in that moment.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that we can all kind of learn from that because I also agree
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: that it's really important that we feel the feels.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you've got to feel the feels.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can't just like...
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Shove that down and or whatever.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't jump into empathy straight away because you are coming
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: because you think about what met in that moment.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's been up all night.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: He's been dealing stressed and trying to get all this stuff done.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You've been traveling and you're probably tired.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what's meeting in that moment.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you can understand how that's influencing behavior on both sides.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't necessarily come to that realization in the moment.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: But like you said,
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: when you don't react,
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: you go away,
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: you process,
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: you feel the feels,
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: you remember,
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: you understand the situation, and then you take your action after that.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: And what you were sharing about your remembrance of what happened after a breakup,
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: You just touched on three super important things about the moment.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I used to have a mirror when I lived at the beach.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: I used to have a mirror that walked at the door.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: It said, no emotion is ever final, which I love the
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: way.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Same idea.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: You also mentioned this whole idea that we're the creators of our experience.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So once you realize I'm feeling this,
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: but it's not forever, it's not going to be like this forever.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And my heart will heal forever.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, but again, and I would put in there, what did I learn?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: What are all the advantages of what I just experienced, which is gold?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like, and I'm the creator, I'm the author of my experience.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is not going to dictate.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, and then also what I heard through what you just shared is time.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: The importance of time, giving ourself the time.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, yeah.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, honestly, it was – and I actually heard a video clip the other day, yesterday, I think.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was at the airport.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was there a little early,
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: so I was on Facebook, which I don't spend a lot of time there that often these days.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I saw a little clip of a woman,
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: and I think she was the original English woman that coined the name of Queen Ager,
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: you know.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're Queen Agers at this time of our life, you know.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, look,
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: most women – Have had at least five major things happen to them by the time they get
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: to midlife.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: it could be divorce,
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: it could be financial,
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: it could be death of parents,
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: you know, kids, teenagers, you know, all that kind of stuff.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And she said what she has come to realize is that the women who've gone through
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: the fire the most
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: and have come out the other side are more successful
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: and more happy women.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Than other women because they've been through it, you know.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's a lot of women who are listening to this podcast that,
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: and I admit, the first six months of this year sucked balls.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, but it just did.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And there were days and weeks where it was difficult for me to get back to joy
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: because the situation that I was in was overwhelming and all-encompassing.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so, uh,
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know when I talked to Susie about this,
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: she said, look, you know, um, her favorite word was temporary.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's temporary.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so, you know,
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: if you are going through the fire right now and you're not quite out the other side,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: um,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: although I feel like the energy is lifting and a lot of women who have been going
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: through that, I can see them coming, you know, getting to a better place.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just remember this is temporary.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, And even though you may not be able to find your joy right now, it will come back.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the idea that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger,
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: that there's a resilience and there's a wisdom.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: I used to produce these events.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go back to this one day, but Wisdom of the Ages, of women over the age of 75.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Sharing, well, I mean, like you said, boatload of life experiences.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: That, you know,
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: and with my parents that I'm working with,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not, like,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: life is not about to make your children's life always comfortable as though you have
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: the control that everything is going to work out for them.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's to create a safe foundation and a joyful experience like Susan does so gorgeously.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: But no, but when your children hit those rocks and,
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: you know, when they hit the, It's going to build character.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to build confidence.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to build resilience and ultimately helps us have easier access to our joy.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: There was also, you know, what you were talking about, about that zone.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: I remember going through something and I remember thinking when I was ending
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: a divorce,
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was going through a divorce and I remember thinking,
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: wow, I'm in a king size bed going through this transition.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I was feeling just void of joy, void of like, who am I?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Where am I?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Where's my life going?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, wow, I'm in the dark night of the soul.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in it.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way,
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: I had the privilege to guide and be with and witness people going through depression
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: and transition for so many years,
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: but I had never experienced this before in my life.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, okay.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I am.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I will share with you all that Gary Zukoff,
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: who wrote Seat of the Soul,
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: had such a beautiful way of thinking about the dark night of the soul,
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: which goes back, Nat,
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: to what you just said about how after Glenn, you realize I get to create my life.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because what he basically said,
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: we talked about was the dark night of the soul is when everything we know our life
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: to be just kind of crumbles.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: What has given the most amount of joy, meaning, trajectory.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know where we are.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: There's like a dark screen and then it goes to a blank screen.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: But eventually that void, when we allow ourselves to heal, becomes space.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: And eventually that space becomes a breeding ground for so much.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: And anyone who's been through anything difficult in life will look back.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have a client who went through breast cancer and It was gnarly and terrible for
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: a year or two.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now, five years later, she goes back.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: She says the best thing that ever happened to me.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: Not that she would wish it upon herself or somebody, but what it brought, what it brought in.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I was talking to our good friend, Sam Bennett, this morning.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And she is coming back to California.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: She's moving back to California.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: She'll be here soon.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we were talking about...
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: when we're going through that dark night and we both laughed about it because we do
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: the same thing, is I just go, oh, this is going to make such a good story.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I get on the other side of this, this is going to be such a good story.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think by just that little thing helps you to,
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: first of all,
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: you're now future projecting and I see myself on stage or on camera,
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: talking about the story and then this happened and this happened,
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: but then this happened.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it takes me out the energy,
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: emotionally detached and takes my energy out of the current moment.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it helps me to,
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: as an observer,
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: not just see where I am,
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: but to be able to see what's possible and what my trajectory is going to be
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: and how I am getting back to my mojo and getting back to my joy and getting back to,
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: you know, the life that I always want.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I had moments where I'm like,
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if I'm ever going to get back to that amazing life again.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that's such a beautiful share because it's sort of like you're zooming out.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is what thrivers do.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: We say,
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not just going to survive things that once in a while will happen in life,
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: but I'm going to thrive by spite of it.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: How am I going to do it?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to walk through the fire.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to zoom out with like what you did.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: You had a broader lens because of who you are and who you've come to be
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: and what you're here to model for others, right?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: That there is life beyond this and it'll be richer.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be wiser and richer.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, more joyful.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Look at the going back to joy.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: How do we get to it?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like there's contrast, right?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: So we know that I remember...
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Going through that same sort of divorce transition.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: And a couple of years later,
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had a party for myself,
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: but I made it into a birthday party or so everyone thought.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone came to my thing and I'm like, okay,
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: you thought you were coming for my birthday because I knew if I said birthday,
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: they'd show up.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: I said, this is a gratitude party because I've gone through a couple of years of hard stuff.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I had my, I had, I had these gifts for everyone.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like here were my anchors and here were my blessings in disguise.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like my new, like angels that came into my life.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: And there was another one,
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: but anyway,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: you know, how do we zoom out and realize I will get to that, that, that place.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: And through contrasts, we get there.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: And the idea of the story, it's going to be a good story, Natalie.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: I, I hear you.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I had the same experience with like, okay, like, Look,
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: this whole experience for my own life personally,
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: where I left LA a few years ago,
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Michael sold his home in Portland, we're now fully nomadic.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: And some of my friends and people were like, my clients are every week, where are you now?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Where are you now is the first question, where are you now?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: And my friends are like, I don't know how you're doing this.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is, packing, unpacking, storage, it's sometimes, it's not always easy.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I know there's not a part of me that doesn't know we will find our way
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: to what feels like home.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: And because of that knowing,
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: that also helps joy coexist with uncertainty and with missteps or whatever.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is why I wear my trust necklace because I just trust.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get there.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's all good.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the stories from the road sometimes have been gnarly
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And hilarious.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew in the moment it was going to be a story.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: We're in Croatia in the middle of the ocean.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I swear to God, I think where currents are coming and my body's not moving back.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, fully naked, naked, no clothes on.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, this is not fun at all.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: This is scary.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: And we get out and I'm naked as a jaybird in midlife in front of a 32 year old
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: with his briefs on going, do you know how I get back there?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And in the middle of it, I'm like, oh my God, I have no clothes, clothes on right now.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so afterwards we were laughing,
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: crying, laughing, but in the moment it was scary as hell and it was not comfortable.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like, so yeah.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Everything makes for good stories at the end of the day.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are going through tough times right now,
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: just know that you will find your way back to joy.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to happen because everything always works out for us in the end.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: So guys, I want to thank you for joining us on the podcast this week.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you are listening to us on a platform that is not Substack,
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage you to come over to thejoyjolt.com.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: It'll direct you to our Substack page.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Please subscribe for free and that will keep you updated with all of our content
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: and newsletters and things that are coming out.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we are going to come back in just a moment for our paid subscribers.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in our next little broadcast for our paid subscribers,
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: we are going to talk about how do we hold on to our joy in a world of contrast.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when we are talking about subjects that we may fall on the other side of
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: when it comes to the people we're in conversations with.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we hold our joy in those challenging conversations?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Which I think is a skill we could all use right now.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for joining us.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we will see you all again next week.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Susan should be back next week.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll get to hear about all of her adventures.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: All right, everyone.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Have a fantastic week and we'll see you then.