Latest / Movie Meltdown / Murder by Jake (Promo)

Transcript

Murder by Jake (Promo) · Movie Meltdown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The following feature has been rated R by the Motion
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Picture Association of America.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It is intended for mature audiences, and parental discretion is advised.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I was thinking earlier today, I was like, oh, wait,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: what's our threat this week? We got to threaten our peoples. So, yeah,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I used the last holiday
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: themed one I had last year. So I was like,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: you know what? Screw it. Hot Frosty. We're going with
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Hot Frosty as our threat. So did anyone watch that
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: last year?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I did not, but I listened to a different movie
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: recap podcast.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: I did not know this was a thing.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. Okay, if you're going to look it up,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: read the little pitch on this thing.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: It was a cultural phenomenon.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it took over. And I was like, I mean,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I like dumb things. So do I want to watch
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: it enough? And I just didn't get around to it.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: So I was like, well, there's our threat. If you
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: guys want to force us to watch that, you know,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: join up on the old horror club. And I feel
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: like it's horror. Like, I mean, based on, based on
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: the story, what's the story there?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Well, I haven't gotten that far. I'm just looking at
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: the poster artwork.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Hot Frosty is a 2024 Netflix Christmas romantic comedy starring
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Lacey Shabbert.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Shabbert.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: Shabbert.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Party Five, you know. Mm-hmm.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: The film is a modern comic take on Frosty the Snowman,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: where a grieving widow... brings a snowman to life with
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: a magical scarf, and he helps her rediscover love and
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: holiday cheer.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Does that sound like a horror show to you?
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Because it does to me. The cast also includes Craig
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Robinson and Joe Lotrullio, who is a favorite of mine.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Star-studded.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: See, there you go. So I feel like that's, you know,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: that's a perfectly good threat.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Christmas romantic comedy with fantasy and humor.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Horror show. Because, again, how is it really any different
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: than the Frosty where he murders people? You're Jack Frost.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: There's so many questions, just practical questions of falling in
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: love with a snowman.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Who, again, according to the poster artwork, is, I mean,
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: he's a hunk of beefcake.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Just like when Michael Keaton played him.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: He looks like they were trying to get.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: These are all the same snowman movie, right? Yeah. Yeah.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Michael Keaton's in it. Lacey's in it. And they murder
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: people when the snowman comes to life. I'm pretty sure
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: these are all the same movie.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: This one picture does make it look like they wanted
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: John Stamos. Oh my. Okay. Things are starting to piece together.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Cause I'm looking at some of the other pictures here
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: and there's a picture of her holding the scarf, looking
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: longingly at a snowman, but it's not just your big
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: three round ball snowman. It's a, sculpted piece of.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, he's a sculpted piece, alright.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: The... I mean, yeah, this sounds great, but the existential
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: horror of being the snowman who comes to life.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Again, this is why I feel like we could actually
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: do it just as a horror attempt. As our take
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: looking at it from the horror perspective.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to imagine the meeting when they just came
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: up with the title for this.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I'd like to think that there's a napkin somewhere with
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: that scrawl well i'd like to think that the screenwriter
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: was like look guys this is just a working title
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: and they were like i don't know keep it i
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: think it's several it's like hot rudolph Too much bestiality. No, no, no, no.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: How about like a snowman? That's not creepy, right?
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: Hot frosty. Actually, we're going to go to Urban Dictionary
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: because it sounds like something you would find in Urban Dictionary.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Hot elf?
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Some kind of weird sex act. Elves are a little
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: creepy too. Yes.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: What about something along the lines of a Cleveland steamer?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: What? Dirty Sanchez?
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: Dirty Sanchez!
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: These are all not good options, by the way. You
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: can do whatever weird stuff you want, but I'm just saying,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: those are on a special list.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I wonder what the, like, Because, you know, everybody has
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: opinions about, like, widows and widowers and how long it
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: is to become appropriate for you to start dating someone again.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've made those comments before.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I have no comment.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I certainly... Yeah, get some, you know. Well, but I've certainly... Well,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: I think just from more of a.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, maybe not pick somebody up at the funeral
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: of your spouse. Well, maybe.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Well, again, I think it's more of, like, the mental
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: state kind of thing. Because I definitely know someone who
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: lost someone that they'd been involved with for years and
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: then it was, like, forever. four months later here they
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: are or i knew someone that their mom lost their
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: you know they lost their dad their mom like six
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: months later had a wedding i was just like but
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: no that can't that can't be right for your brain
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: like i know you want to just turn around and
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: pick up and kind of move on with your life
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: but i'm like i think there's a process that needs
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: to be there for a little while Well.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Then if it's like some hot snowman shows up magically
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: at your door, then you'd be like, you can't say shit.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I feel like Lacey's probably given it a while. You
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: don't look longingly at a scarf unless you've had a
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: couple of years at least before you start longingly looking
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: at a scarf going, you know what?
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: But how old is she in this day and age?
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I mean... I mean, she was pretty young when she started.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Back in your Lost in Space days. I don't know
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: if she can hit the peak that was Lost in Space, but...
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: By mean girls, she's like a grown-up-ish. I feel like.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: There's various points in your life where when you become widowed,
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: where the amount of time is appropriate. And then also
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: a person her age probably has needs more urgent than, say,
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: someone in their 70s.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Lacey, call me.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm getting several different... I mean, she's in
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: her early 40s.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: So.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I think she has needs.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: She has, yeah.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I think she needs to move on. I'm just saying,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: you know, not at the funeral.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to read most of these.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Are you reading comments?
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: I'm looking at Hot Frosty on Urban Dictionary.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Hot Frosty fan fiction.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: The most disappointing one, which I will read, is a
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: very bold and zesty cup of joe with all of
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: the frothy crema on top.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Crema?
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: That's what it says here. Wow.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Streets. This one, I just like the way it's worded.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: A really good looking look in with an apostrophe.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would put the apostrophe.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: A really good looking corpse that makes you seriously consider necrophilia.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: No. All right. I mean, we've all been down that road, right?
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: That's the horror movie version of Hot Frosty.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: The example that they use here is Edward Cullen is
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: a total Hot Frosty. I'd like to do a little
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: sucking myself. No.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I guess technically he's a dead person, so, you know.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: An undead person. Something like that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Whatever.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: This one was submitted by a person named Blowjobs or Icky,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: and it's just semen cum or jizz, as it has
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: in here.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to follow up questions. I feel like
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: there are questions, but I'm not going to ask you
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: any more questions.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: This one I like. This is a Hot Frosty Lincoln.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Hot Frosty exclusive. A....
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: A frozen beard vaguely shaped like a sex toy and
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: smeared with fecal matter.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: We knew we were going down that road, didn't we?
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: You then use the beard like an accommodator dildo while
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: performing cunnilingus on a female who is driving a Lincoln.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: This is complicated. Like, you need at least a diagram
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: before you start this. It's way too complicated.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, this is my new favorite. A hot frosty is
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: when someone who is lactose intolerant drinks a gallon of milk,
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: then shits all over their friend's bare ass to the
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: Harlem Shake. And at that one, I'm not even going
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: to look anymore because I don't think anything can top that.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, please don't.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the rest of it is just not. The rest
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: of it isn't even creative or what I would consider
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: to be Urban Dictionary worthy.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I'd say I apologize, but I feel like if you're
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: listening to this show, you're already knowing what road you're
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: headed down.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not sorry. This is information that if I have,
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I feel like other people need it.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Granted, we didn't come up with it. This is on
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: the internets, people, and that's where we reside.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just neighbors to Urban History Month.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, more of this nonsense on the internet, you know.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am imparting wisdom, which is, you know.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Speaking of nonsense on the internet, listen to this kind
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: of stuff that we say.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: The time we tried bread in a can. Nora, you
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: say ooh, but you have no idea. I don't even
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: think anybody ate it.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: We tried it.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: Number one, when we opened it up, it was wet.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to say, there's no way that's dry.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Mmm, bread in a can. It's got to be wet.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: My mom had one of those, and then she made
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: me watch the video.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Ooh.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I didn't have a video. There's a lot of
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: like gouging with like a spoon.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: When they're kids, it's in the 80s instead of the 60s.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: So then this is in the 60s, but it's the
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: generation behind kids in the 80s.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: You'd think everybody would just move out of that damn town.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: So it is kind of like you have to try
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and do a little bit of math when you're watching it.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Screw that.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Man, oh man. I love some Scatman Crothers. Oh yeah. Yeah,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: he's great. That is the best part of that movie
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: because that movie is not good.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: But....
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, what are you describing now? Stop describing things.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: I have to wonder what happened because a character.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Has fallen and they lift his head up and his
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: brains fall out of the back of his head yeah
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: that one I was like wow I was like if
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I were 14 that would have been hilarious.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: So I was like if I'm that much of a
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: junkie I wouldn't need to google how to do my
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: drugs so well unless you just wanted to get into
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: it I really want.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: To get into PCB right after he kills that guy
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: and steals his car he runs over the old lady
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: which was kind of funny As much as this will
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: be a shock to most people, I have never been
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: in a mental institution. So I don't know.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: There you go. I just looked at him leather clad
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: for years there. So do what you will with that.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I don't think I will. I want to jump in
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: on that real quick because I thought, oh, great. There's
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: a mind. Who honestly was my favorite character in this movie,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: and the only one that I didn't want to see
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: get dead.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: He had a redemption arc.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: He did.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: He was annoying as shit when he first showed up,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: and then later I was like, aw. Then there's two
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: simultaneously weird sex scenes happening.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if that's before or after. And
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: they went on for so long.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Too long.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: And then, once again, I Googled, so now there's potato
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: details and PCP on my Google search.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: You mentioned the dialogue earlier. And Blonde Guy did deliver
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: his lines like either he had a hard time recalling
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: what his lines were or he was making them up
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: on the spot. But someone had told him, listen, if
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: you're going to ad-lib, make sure that it sounds believable.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: And it didn't.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: And he didn't understand what that meant, but he kept
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: talking anyway.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Then the rest of the movie is just people finding
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: excuses to leave the house one by one and get separated.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I mean, you've seen horror movies, right?
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: All I know is our band director wouldn't let us
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: play with it because it was very expensive.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Because it was annoying. Well, that too. Expensive. It's like,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: you damn kids.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: That's where they spend all the budget.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: On this movie. Apparently.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Well, we were screwing around with it while we weren't
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: playing the music that it was supposed to be. Sounds
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: about right. He was like, hey, I paid a lot
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: of money for this.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying it never works. That having been said.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, if you take a poll of women,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: and a guy came up to you at a bar
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: and wanted to do some close-up magic at your table
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: to win you over.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I've literally had that happen to me before.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: And did you go along with it, and you now
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: are married to that person?
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: No.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: No.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Well, and especially later, I mean, when it's the two
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: ladies in the convertible after whatever that conversation was, but
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: then one of them is getting chased through the woods,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: and it just felt like it lasted for 45 minutes.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: And I think at one point the screen was just black,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: like they didn't light it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: There were many times where the screen went black.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: There was just no light at all. Many points, so
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I guess we can jump to that, because otherwise it's just,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: I'm going to assume they spent all their money on
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: film and couldn't afford lights at that point. I do
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: remember that only because there was a crossover episode with Webster.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Of course there was.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: And basically all they did was they filmed an episode
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: of that show that Webster was the very special. No,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: Webster went to whatever town it was.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Jake could not fit through the cool secret door. No,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: he could not. There's no way in hell he's getting
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: through that.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: But I call it a crossover because they put Webster
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: on it and then they shoehorned it into the Webster rotation.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Or was it a backdoor pilot?
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: It could have been a backdoor.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: And they were like, we need to get, people love Webster.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: How are we going to sell him on this Big
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Brother Jake?
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Backdoor. I did not know it ran for four seasons, though.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of famous people naked, and they've
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: got nothing on you. Would always call up and go,
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: y'all got Dracula sucks?
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: And I'm just like, wait, wait, wait, what.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Is going on? I'd heard that sort of it went
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: down that road, but good lord, the camera does not
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: need to go there.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: She was actually in movies I've heard of. Yeah.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Like, pretty big movies.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: One that we talked about last time.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Ladybugs?
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: No. Yeah, she wasn't.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Because she is in Ladybugs. Plus, they don't even know
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: where the hell the peas are in this building, so
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: dinner's not almost ready. The Christmas train went off the rails.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: We're not there yet.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: The Polar Express. I would watch that movie.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Polar Express.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: The Polar Express.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: We're like the dead eyes that are just waiting for you.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: That's the horror movie right there. Polar Express. That uncanny
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: valley of dead eyes waiting to steal your soul, children.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Get on the death train. We're taking you to Santa's house.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: Tom Hanks is still there, though, right?
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Everybody is Tom Hanks. You know that. That's how life works.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Everyone is Tom Hanks.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: I'd like to think so.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: It's own life. he is pretty awesome.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: So that's more than enough, um, holiday themed information than
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: you needed. So, um, the takeaway is if you want
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: us to watch hot frosty as a horror movie or
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: turn it into a horror movie, which of course is
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: what we do. Um, yeah, go to movie meltdown.com and,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: join the meltdown horror club and then assign it to us.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: We won't even put it in the, in the Tumblr.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: You know, we'll just be like, Nope, that's it. That's
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: what we're watching next, uh, Christmas. So, Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: I might just watch it anyway.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, we can watch it on our own, but
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: we can devote an entire episode to it if that's
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: what you want. So, go join the club. Get on it.