Latest / Fierce Encouragement / Too Late Is a Lie: Negative Thinking and the Art of Showing Up

Transcript

Too Late Is a Lie: Negative Thinking and the Art of Showing Up · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: My name is Mark and this is a podcast for people who are waking up and showing up and doing the hard, holy work of becoming who they really want to be.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And here on the podcast, we don't sugarcoat the struggle, we don't dismiss the ups and downs, but we face resistance, we face our fears and our failures head on and we turn them into the fuel for our fire.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: This is fierce encouragement and that means fierce compassion for that part of ourselves that refuses to give up.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: So, thanks for being here.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Let's get right into it.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Hey everybody, thanks for being here.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Now, this podcast is coming straight from the middle of it.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: For me, have you ever felt like something dark is gripping your chest at night or sitting on your shoulders?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's just permeating everything, kind of like that fog of doom that can, like, rest above our heads?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Well, I had it last night, permeating everything, kind of like that fog of doom that can rest above our heads.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Well, I had it last night, yesterday afternoon, and, honestly, I laid there and thrashed around mentally and I was fully aware that I was in a negative spiral and I was really unsure how to get out of it.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Now, this isn't new for me.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: It's something I've battled in the past.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Now, this isn't new for me.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: It's something I've battled in the past and it's a little less frequent now with the work I've done, but I still got a really good taste of it.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Yesterday and this morning I did the thing.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I did my morning pages, my meditation and my journaling some deeper journaling and what became really clear to me is that this was the resistance showing up and this resistance was wearing the voice of guilt and shame and failure and doom scrolling in my mind.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: So today I wanted to talk about resistance, negative thinking and that lie that we tell ourselves that it's too late, Because it's not too late.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: It really isn't and usually, and more often than not, the way out is going through it.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: James Clear shares this.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become, for the type of person you want to become unquote.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So this episode is about casting better votes for ourself, even when we feel like we're losing the election in our head.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So here's what's been missing.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Well, I've been struggling with my sleep protocols and having bad habits, to be honest, bad habits being distracted during the middle of the day Too much YouTube, too much, whatever, just not deep work and not every day, but just enough to notice, right, you're feeling a little bit off.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: And to be really open and honest, I haven't been doing my daily financial clarity work that I promised myself I would do Just 20 or 30 minutes a day to look at what's coming into my business and what's going out.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I've been calling that eating my frog, and that comes from Mark Twain, but he says if you have a difficult task, do it right away in the morning, eat your frog right away in the morning.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: But I've been skipping eating my frog again and again.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: And when that happens, when I break those dedicated promises I made to myself, well I know and I feel that my negative thoughts start to multiply and rush in and honestly, for me, this is where the disconnection starts.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: It's that disconnect from who I want to be, from my deeper identity, if you will, and also from kind of that spiritual backbone of my life, because discipline for me, is a spiritual issue and when I'm out of alignment or wobbly, well, that old doom voice shows up like a clockwork and it's the one that says you're late, you're behind, you're blowing it, and it seems to be turned up to 11.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: But here's the real truth.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I'm in the arena.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I am in the arena practicing and getting beat up sometimes, and I want to say this so are you.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Brene Brown shares this in one of her great talks Quote if you're not in the arena, also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: That quote sits on my bulletin board and it really hits me like a truck when I consider it.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: But you know what?
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Like right now, today, it feels more like a hand on my shoulder, a kind hand.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Steven Pressfield, in his wonderful book called the War of Art if you haven't checked it out, please do he calls resistance the most toxic force on the planet, and last night and many years ago, well, it was whispering.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Those lies in my ear again.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: It's too late for you.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: It's too late for you.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: It's too late to build the business.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: It's too late to write that book.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: It's too late to get your body fit and have more energy.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It's too late to be the kind of dad or partner or creator that I really dream of being.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And it's the hard work and I feel a little emotion coming up right now, but I'm calling bullshit on it because that resistance feeds on this feeling of guilt.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It wears our voice or it has our voice.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: It wears our voice or it has our voice.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: It knows all our patterns and that resistance will convince us that procrastination is protecting Okay, and maybe even that hiding is being safe and that doing nothing is better than risking failure.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Steven Pressfield goes on to write resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: It will perjure, fabricate, it will lie.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Resistance is always lying and always full of shit, and when it shows up the strongest.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: That's my North Star, that's your North Star, that's the work we're meant to do.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it'll show up as someone close to us getting ill or having some problems.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's that subtle feedback that pulls us back into playing small.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Resistance isn't inherently evil, it's adaptive, and that doesn't mean we need to give it the keys to our car and let it drive us through life.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Remember this Quote you are today where your thoughts have brought you.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: That's from James Allen.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Here's a simple practice, something that I want to share and something that I use on myself quite often, and I call it um notice, name and reframe.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: So the first thing is notice the thought.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Is the thought negative?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Is it all saying always or never, are speaking in absolutes, something like I never finish anything or everyone else is doing better than me, or no one values what I offer?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: We have to notice it first and then we need to second part, name it.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: We want to name that catastrophic thinking.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: We want to name the resistance.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: We want to point at it and say I see you, because really that's our ancient brain that's trying to keep us safe.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: We are biologically wired I say this again and again to myself and others so take this and run with it.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: But we are biologically wired and ingrained to remember the negative events.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: They helped us survive, they evolutionarily helped our species survive.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: But right now, in this age, in this time, those negative mindsets keep us frozen in loops and really it isn't your fault.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: So stop beating yourself up, but take that ability to respond.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: But take that ability to respond, response ability.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: So the third part is to reframe it.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Use some empowering language that makes you stand up and take notice.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I want to X, y, z this supports my goals to get better at this, or something like it's in my best interest to do X and here's a quick bonus and something that I've found that helps me immensely Write a five-minute letter to your future self that lives five years ahead of where you're at right now, and let that version of you remind you that this struggle matters and that we just need to keep going.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Here's a line I often share with my clients Talk to yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Talk to them like you're guiding a young person or mentoring somebody.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Talk to yourself like your mentor or your best teacher would talk to you.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Don't talk to yourself like someone trying to punish you into submission.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Be encouraging.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Have that fierce encouragement for yourself.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you what this looked like for me yesterday, because I caught myself saying a bunch of times quote you're such a screw-up, mark God.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: You blew it again and I took the time and, like I said, I paused, I said nah, you missed a rep, but you're still in the gym, you're still in the arena.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: So find out where you can notice your thought, name it and then reframe it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: That's what reframing sounds like and looks like and kind of feels like.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: It isn't the lies or the absolutes that we tell ourselves and it honestly isn't the affirmations that we kind of hear about, but it's a different, real clarity when we rest in awareness and we see ourselves with clarity.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: So in the coaching business, clients come and go and it's something that I really struggle with because I get connected to the people I help and their story and where they're at.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: And I had a client fall away recently let's call him Tom and we had many strong sessions together and he was going through a really difficult time in his life.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: He was going through a breakup of a marriage and obviously had kids and a house and all those things.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So it was difficult for him and it was great to be there for him.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But at the same time I felt it like halfway three-quarters of the way through our sessions the pushback started.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Halfway three quarters of the way through our sessions the pushback started and then there was the distance, um, and then there was the isolation and the cold shoulder that I got and honestly, like I said, it hurts.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It's not just because I lost that income or that person, but it's because the resistance whispers in me.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: You failed them.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: It tells me I'm a bad coach.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: It tells me that I'm not good enough to get referrals or connect with other people.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It tells me that I'm not valuable.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: But here's the real truth.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: His journey is not mine and what we did together may echo in his life later in ways I'll probably never see or hear about.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: But honestly, I'm learning to let go.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I'm learning to bless and honor and release and let the negativity go, because if I pick that up then it clings to me and I can't cling or be attached to every outcome.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Steven Pressfield reminds us in his book, again with another beautiful quote, quote we must do our work for its own sake, not for fortune or attention or applause.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Unquote and gosh, that's really hard to instill when you're going through loss and disconnection and especially when it triggers or pulls up things in our own makeup that we still need to work on.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So to kind of close and come back into this arena of our life and giving ourself permission Listen, if you're feeling insecure or disconnected or just negative, you can just feel that negativity kind of sitting on your chest or in your shoulders.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't mean that you're fundamentally broken, it really doesn't.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I think it means you're in the fight.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I think it means that you care.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I think we can reframe those thoughts and those feelings into things that empower us, because there are no losers when you're in the arena fighting and getting your butt kicked.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: No losers.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: When you're in the arena fighting and getting your butt kicked.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: The only people who are showing up, the imperfect ones, like you and me well, we have our hearts are on fire and we want it to go great and it doesn't, but you're in the arena getting your butt kicked and that's what counts.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So I'd like you to pick up one thing today I want you to eat your frog today.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I want you to have that hard conversation.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to track your numbers, like me.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I want you to send the message out.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I want you to make your art Because, honestly, you are not behind, you are not broken and you are not too late.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: If you have breath in your lungs, you are not too late.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: So the question I'll leave you with is this what would you do today if you knew you could not fail?
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: And what if failure wasn't punishment but proof that you're alive and you're daring and you're learning and growing?
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: And what if your job, what if your only job, is just to stay in that damn arena?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: If this episode stirred something in your heart, in your mind, please don't keep it to yourself, dm me, text me, join my awareness lab the link is in the bio or in the show description and, honestly, let's have a talk, let's check in with each other, because Fierce Encouragement isn't just a podcast, it's a practice room, it's a dojo, it's a place where we can ground our practice into reality and we don't have to walk through the fog and the discouragement and the doubt alone, but we instead can light that torch of courage and clarity and fire and know that you are not alone.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: You're never alone.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: So let's go and remember if you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked I'm not interested in your feedback.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Do your work, keep showing up, talk to yourself like someone you respect and you care about and truly, truly, just keep showing up.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Resistance is a great indicator of the way you need to go.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: So keep creating, keep showing up and dominate that lie that tells you it's too late, because the truth is you've just begun.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: All right, this has been, mark.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing your time here on Fierce Encouragement.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Reach out.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you, wherever you're at.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Have a good day, a good night, and we will catch you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, take care.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Bye-bye, thank you.