How to Disappoint People

Christine Carter, PhD, reads her article · Sep 17, 2026 · 7m

I have spent my life making a concerted effort not to disappoint others, starting with my well-meaning worrywart mama. She passed away in 2023; that same year, I went through medical menopause thanks to breast cancer. Estrogen deprivation and grief handed me a valuable membership to the “we do not care” club; I finally felt like I had permission to prioritize self-care.

At first, I chalked it up to the clarity that arrives when you bury your fiercest champion and face your own mortality in a single brutal year. But there’s both a biology and a sociology to it.

Estrogen amplifies the brain’s…