Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #425 I Won't Tell You Again, Again

Transcript

#425 I Won't Tell You Again, Again · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers. Now. Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the
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  Speaker 2: founder of Happy Families dot com dot a U and
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  Speaker 2: the author of six books about raising happy families. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: sneak peek. I'm sneak peak. I don't know if that's
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  Speaker 2: the right term, Kate. What I'm trying to say is
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  Speaker 2: I'm sharing something that I haven't shared before. We'll call
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: it a sneak peek. I'm writing a new book. My
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  Speaker 2: seventh book is underway.
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  Speaker 3: It's all about if I had a sound effect, I'd
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  Speaker 3: give you a better one.
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  Speaker 1: But oh okay, JR JR. Give us a good sound effect.
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  Speaker 1: All right, thank you.
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  Speaker 2: So you saw the TV show Parental Guidance that I
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  Speaker 2: was the host of We're Taking You to.
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  Speaker 3: The Nowhere, Buddy, Yes, and a huge well done on that,
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  Speaker 3: by the way.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well that was It was a lot of fun,
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  Speaker 2: and so everyone wanted to know about parenting styles.
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  Speaker 1: So putting a book together that is really.
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  Speaker 2: Going to be exciting and rock people's worlds and share
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  Speaker 2: stuff that has not been ever shared in any book previously.
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  Speaker 2: Because there's cutting edge science that we need to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: So I digress from the topic of today, but I
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  Speaker 2: just wanted to put that out there. Oh, one more
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  Speaker 2: thing before we talk about the top five things that
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  Speaker 2: we've said to our kids these holidays. Tonight, the Happy
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  Speaker 2: Family's Q and A is back. If you're a Happy
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  Speaker 2: Family's Premium member. Once a month, I answer as many
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  Speaker 2: questions as I can in an hour, and it's happening
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  Speaker 2: tonight in the Happy Families membership. You need to be
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  Speaker 2: a premium member to access it. If you're not a member,
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  Speaker 2: you can get all the details at Happy Families dot
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  Speaker 2: com dot I submit your questions and I'll look forward
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  Speaker 2: to answering those questions and helping to make your family happier.
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  Speaker 2: Now with all the housekeeping out of the way, Kate
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  Speaker 2: joining me because Kylie is helping us to set up
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  Speaker 2: a brand new place for us to live. Kate is
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  Speaker 2: a radio producer and presenter and a good end of
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  Speaker 2: the Happy Families podcast, and it's been so much fun
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  Speaker 2: to have you here this week.
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  Speaker 1: Kate. Today, a topic that I think we're going to
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  Speaker 1: have some fun with.
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  Speaker 4: The thing that's sounding like a broken record.
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  Speaker 1: The things that we've said. Did I say that already.
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  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I already said that.
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  Speaker 2: The top five things that we've said to our kids
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  Speaker 2: these holidays, Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my goodness.
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  Speaker 3: They these are on repeat at the meat Household, that
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  Speaker 3: is for sure.
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  Speaker 2: Like me talking about the top five things that we've
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  Speaker 2: said to our kids these holidays, I feel like I've
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  Speaker 2: said that already.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I give you mine, how about I give you mind?
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  Speaker 1: Let's do that.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm actually I'm genuinely repeating myself because how annoying
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  Speaker 2: is it? I'm sorry, I know you want to give
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  Speaker 2: these things to you, but how annoying is it that
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  Speaker 2: you have to keep saying.
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  Speaker 1: It over and over and over and over again.
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  Speaker 4: So that's our purpose in this world of it?
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  Speaker 3: How hard is it to put your towels in the basket,
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  Speaker 3: not beside the basket, not on the floor, not on
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  Speaker 3: the shelf, beside it, not in.
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  Speaker 4: Your bedroom, on the floor.
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  Speaker 1: Hang up your towel?
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  Speaker 4: Had is it? Is it?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? And I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, it's summer, right, so the kids are swimming,
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  Speaker 2: they're at the beach, they're playing under the sprinkle, they're
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  Speaker 2: doing whatever, and you have to say it every day?
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  Speaker 1: Oh and I.
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  Speaker 3: Should probably amend it to And how hard is it
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  Speaker 3: to just use one town you have to use all
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  Speaker 3: fourteen towels?
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  Speaker 4: We only own fourteenth.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, who's got the good towel?
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  Speaker 4: Don't look the towel's thing. That's a whole nother podcast.
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  Speaker 2: And do you have to leave it on the floor, Like,
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  Speaker 2: if you leave it on the floor, it's going to
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  Speaker 2: get dirty and it's going to have to be washed
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  Speaker 2: every day. Anyway, I feel your pain. Please put the
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  Speaker 2: towels in the basket or hang them on the hook
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  Speaker 2: or on the rail.
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  Speaker 3: I have a teenage boy who is fourteen years old,
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  Speaker 3: So this sounds a little passive, I guess, but it's
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  Speaker 3: remind me what time you are going to be home,
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  Speaker 3: so we have time, so they need to be home.
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  Speaker 3: But I like to hear him tell me back, yes,
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  Speaker 3: so we'll be home.
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  Speaker 4: It's sick, you're.
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  Speaker 2: Making it sound passive aggressive. From a psychological point of view,
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  Speaker 2: there's actually real power in that, because when you get
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  Speaker 2: to somebody to restate a commitment, it actually that's a
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  Speaker 2: really powerful way to make sure that the commitment is followed.
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  Speaker 2: So don't feel bad about that, but it's obviously something
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  Speaker 2: you've been saying a lot over the holidays.
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  Speaker 3: I've been saying it a lot because I think, thank
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  Speaker 3: you for saying that.
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  Speaker 4: It's like a.
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  Speaker 1: Good parenting Kate last work, there's one jick.
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  Speaker 3: He understands, I understand, we have a deal. The next
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  Speaker 3: one is now, I'm actually like, this isn't just about
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  Speaker 3: summer holidays.
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  Speaker 4: I'm summer, winter, autumn, spring on this. Have you got
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  Speaker 4: your sunscreen?
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  Speaker 3: Have you I cannot stretch, I'm sunscreen, sunsemscruns.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, do your kids? Are your kids happy to wear sunscreen?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: We've just got it in the bathroom now, and it's
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  Speaker 3: it's almost one of the non negotiables.
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  Speaker 2: So we've got to put our towels in the basket.
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  Speaker 2: We need to say what time we're going to behime,
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  Speaker 2: We've got to put our sunscreen on.
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  Speaker 1: What else?
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  Speaker 4: Have you matron at the hospital, don't I what else?
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  Speaker 1: Do you find yourself constantly saying to the.
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  Speaker 4: Kids you get what you get and you don't get upset?
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  Speaker 2: We say that, actually we've got a we've got a
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  Speaker 2: slightly softer version. Now we used to say that. We
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  Speaker 2: say to the kids, well, you can be grateful or
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  Speaker 2: you can grumble. Yeah, samey, what's your last one.
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  Speaker 3: This one has hurt actually, and I realized how much
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  Speaker 3: we've said it. It's I'm sorry, but we can't, and
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  Speaker 3: that is I think that's going to be. How is
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  Speaker 3: your summer holidays? There's going to big heaps. I'd like
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  Speaker 3: to think it's heaps of kids are not just ours.
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  Speaker 3: The summer holidays maybe weren't what they were in previous years.
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  Speaker 3: I felt like I was saying, you know, can we
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  Speaker 3: go and hang out with our friends?
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  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but we can't.
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  Speaker 1: Right, And that's COVID related.
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  Speaker 3: I assume COVID related. Absolutely. It just wasn't quite the environment.
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  Speaker 3: Either they were isolating, or we needed to do bits
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  Speaker 3: and pieces, or or just trying to be smart and
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  Speaker 3: conscious and safe. You know, is it really a great
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  Speaker 3: idea to go to a big event that's inside. Maybe not.
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  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but we can't.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, So after a why it's start to think, geez,
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  Speaker 3: not only do I sound like a matron right now,
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  Speaker 3: but I'm also like the fun Police as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well you probably are. But I really resonate with that.
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  Speaker 2: That wasn't on my list. But we've said that a lot,
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  Speaker 2: and unfortunately we haven't had to say it in Queensland
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  Speaker 2: so much because of COVID related things, although in recent
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  Speaker 2: weeks that started to shift. But we've had to say
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  Speaker 2: it because I've had work to do and there must
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  Speaker 2: be so many there's so many parents who've got to
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  Speaker 2: work through Christmas and the kids are like can we
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  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, we can't, or yeah, just when I finished this,
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  Speaker 2: And it's kind of that thing as apparently you're kind
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  Speaker 2: of going, oh, I know, I'm supposed to be available,
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  Speaker 2: and because the kids are home. Really it's like digging
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  Speaker 2: that knife in and twisting it, isn't it? Like, oh, gee,
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  Speaker 2: what sort of a parent am I to withhold this
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  Speaker 2: opportunity for my kids?
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  Speaker 4: That's exactly what it's felt like. That's exactly it hurts.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well on that down, Okay, thank you so much.
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  Speaker 2: Break We're We're going to hear the top five things
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  Speaker 2: that I've been saying to my kids these holidays.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: of Disciplined as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: families dot com dot au slash shop.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants Answers Now with Justin and Kate.
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  Speaker 2: So the top five things that we've said to our
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  Speaker 2: kids these holidays. My number one thing, Like I've said
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  Speaker 2: this so many times, Kate, you've been on your screen enough?
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  Speaker 4: Is this after you've put your screen down? Yeahful of that?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, not so much. I'm an avid
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  Speaker 2: reader and my kids are too. I've actually read so
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  Speaker 2: normally each year i'll read I don't know about forty
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  Speaker 2: books a year. So far this year I've already read
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  Speaker 2: nine books. I'm just and it's mainly because I've been
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  Speaker 2: pretending that there's nothing else to do, and then I'm
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  Speaker 2: under pressure because I've got work to do or as
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  Speaker 2: has been mentioned, every day this week, we're in the
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  Speaker 2: process of moving, so I've got to go on pack stuff.
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  Speaker 2: And it's the worst because i haven't been reading so
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  Speaker 2: much the last few days because of all the packing
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  Speaker 2: and things. But the kids will come to me and say, Dad,
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  Speaker 2: can we do this? Can you come in the pool
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  Speaker 2: with us? And I'll have to say back to what
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  Speaker 2: you said before? With you on number five.
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  Speaker 1: Not now.
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  Speaker 2: I don't have the ability to do that right now.
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  Speaker 2: I'm too busy. I've got other stuff to do. I've
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  Speaker 2: got to pack up the house. The house isn't going
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  Speaker 2: to move itself.
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  Speaker 1: Kids. But anyway you've been on your screens.
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  Speaker 2: Enough has been my most repeated mantra of the holidays.
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  Speaker 2: Very close behind it, would you please close the door?
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  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 4: You need a neon light for that one, don't you know?
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  Speaker 1: Would not make any difference.
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  Speaker 2: The third thing that I've been saying to the kids,
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  Speaker 2: I can't believe that I'm saying this in a Queensland summer,
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  Speaker 2: would you please take off your jacket?
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  Speaker 3: Oh oh, when you see someone and it's a hot day, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: you're rugger.
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  Speaker 4: It makes you hot, makes me sweat looking at them.
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  Speaker 2: That's exactly what That's exactly executed, ejectly what it was
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  Speaker 2: going to say. I'm looking at them and I'm like,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: so I'm packing boxes. For example, and the kids have
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  Speaker 2: just been for a swim. They get out of the
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  Speaker 2: pool and then they put We've got a couple of
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  Speaker 2: puffer jackets in a couple of these wardrobes, and one
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  Speaker 2: of the kids came into the garage.
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  Speaker 1: It's like it's.
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  Speaker 2: Thirty two degrees outside. In the garage it's probably about
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  Speaker 2: thirty eight degrees. And she's standing beside me while I'm perspiring,
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  Speaker 2: like crazy, packing boxes so that we can move house,
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  Speaker 2: in a puffer jacket. And I'm like, take it off.
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  Speaker 2: You're wearing a single itt under it, and that's it.
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  Speaker 2: And she's like, but I'm cold. I'm like you you're
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  Speaker 2: lying to me. Yeah, you cannot possibly go no, I'm cold.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, you're not cold. I'm freezing cold. I just
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  Speaker 2: got out of the pool. It's really cold, dad, It's
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  Speaker 2: not cold. It's thirty seven bajillion degree in here. And
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  Speaker 2: of course she wouldn't take off the jacket, and and
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  Speaker 2: and then did the jacket get stinky? And it en
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  Speaker 2: is up in the wash And it's the middle of summer.
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  Speaker 2: Why are we washing jackets in the middle of summer. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: because somebody's got underarm odor and they're wearing jackets in
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  Speaker 2: the middle of summer because they're pretending they're anyway, the anyway, anyway,
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  Speaker 2: let's move on the fourth, fourth most common thing that
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  Speaker 2: I've said these holidays.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Who stole my Wiste bar.
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  Speaker 4: What is ae bar?
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  Speaker 1: Do you not have?
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  Speaker 2: Wist bars are a They're an ice cream bar where
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  Speaker 2: you've got the ice creamy sort of the fruity ice
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  Speaker 2: cream up one side and up the other side you've
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  Speaker 2: got the actual creamy stuff itself. Wiste bars are just
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  Speaker 2: the fruit ohiste bar hashtag not sponsored.
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  Speaker 1: Just need to put that out there.
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  Speaker 4: I was gonna say, they can send me these bars
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  Speaker 4: things happily.
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  Speaker 2: If they wanted to send me a summer's supply of
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  Speaker 2: West Bars, I'll take them.
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  Speaker 1: They are literally my favorite treat ice cream ike. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I love my Wiste bars.
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  Speaker 2: And the kids just keep on they open the freezer
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  Speaker 2: because they're so cold that they just have to open
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  Speaker 2: the freezer standstare, let all the cold air out of
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  Speaker 2: the freezer, and steal my Wiste bars. I was having
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  Speaker 2: a hard time Kate coming up with the fifth and
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  Speaker 2: final thing that I've said the most these holidays. So
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I asked one of the kids who stepped into the
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: office while I was putting this list together. I said
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: to her, Hey, hey, kiddo, what what have I said
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  Speaker 2: to you more than anything else these holidays? And I'll
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: actually this is one of my teenage daughters. It wasn't
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the cute seven year old that said this, was one
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  Speaker 2: of my teenagers. She looked at me and she smiled
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  Speaker 2: and said that you love me.
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  Speaker 1: Oh yes, ah.
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  Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, for all the complaining
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  Speaker 2: about closing the door and taking off the jacket and
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  Speaker 2: getting off your screens and stop stealing my waist bars,
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  Speaker 2: what she's heard most this summer.
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  Speaker 1: Is you love me.
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  Speaker 3: Extra points because of was the teenager too, by the way,
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  Speaker 3: and not the seven year old? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
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  Speaker 3: that's taken the words from my mouth.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, isn't that what you would? Hope? My kids
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  Speaker 4: can't get any of that, by the way.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: But I love you.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: We really hope you've enjoyed the Happy Families podcast. Stay Kate,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: thanks for joining me. Tomorrow we're talking about I'll do
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: better Tomorrow. We're gonna find out about what you've either
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: done really well or really badly throughout the summer and
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: how we can use that to learn to be better
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: parents for next week.
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  Speaker 1: I'll see you then, Okay, Okay, I can't wait.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer Hey. If
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: you want more info about making your family happier, check
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: out happy families dot com dot au, or follow doctor
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: Justin Coulson's Happy Families on Facebook