Latest / Illinois Valley - Shaw Local / Paperwork: I have dozens of keys that surely unlock something, somewhere, maybe

Transcript

Paperwork: I have dozens of keys that surely unlock something, somewhere, maybe · Illinois Valley - Shaw Local

• 0:05
  Paperwork. I
• 0:06
  have dozens of keys that surely unlock something somewhere maybe. This
• 0:14
  article is being read by an automated voice, brought to you by
• 0:17
  Everlet. I love a good mystery. I have dozens of the dangling
• 0:23
  from various keychains, but hey, that's what my generation does. Or so
• 0:27
  I am told by some guy who seemed wise. I didn't write
• 0:31
  down the name of the guy, so I call him the Prof,
• 0:33
  because he sounded smart. As he talked, I simply nodded to no
• 0:37
  one in the room but the dog, and chuckled a few times.
• 0:40
  He was talking true and preaching to the choir, as they say.
• 0:43
  The choir being all of us lucky devils who grew up as
• 0:46
  baby boomers, he was detailing a list of seven things that younger
• 0:50
  generations would never experience, things that also helped define boomers. I am
• 0:55
  not diving into the prof's list. There's nothing on it that would
• 0:58
  surprise you. But he did strum a chord with me when he
• 1:02
  mentioned keys, old, abandoned mystery keys. He used them as an example
• 1:06
  of what boomers do with things that are useless. Useless means we
• 1:11
  don't really know what they are or where they came from, but
• 1:13
  they sure do look important. So s do. We throw them away?
• 1:17
  Of course not. We save them. In case we ever need them
• 1:20
  or can figure out what they are for. And that includes keys.
• 1:24
  We save keys. It's what boomers do. I know I do. When
• 1:28
  the prof noted Boomers
• 1:29
  want throw away old keys, I suddenly flashed back a few days.
• 1:33
  I was with my friend Chris visiting antique shops. We look for
• 1:36
  books, but you can imagine what it's like for a boomer to
• 1:38
  enter an antique shop. Kids in a candy stores, Antique stores are
• 1:43
  full of things that boomers want to rescue, preserve, protect, and treasure.
• 1:47
  They see history, rusted and bent but beautiful history. Are you starting
• 1:51
  to see the problem here? The dilemma that faces all boomers? But
• 1:55
  there's more about the key thing. In one of the antique stores
• 1:59
  I see a small basket. It's full of keys all kinds, shapes,
• 2:02
  and sizes, just keys. Hey Chris, I shout, to get him to
• 2:06
  slow down and turn back. I pull a key from the basket
• 2:08
  and hold it up. Want tit a key? It’s only a dollar.
• 2:12
  We both laugh. A key for one dollar seems silly. We both
• 2:15
  wondered why. I already have my own basket full of keys at
• 2:18
  home. I don't need to add more. Yes Yes, I can see
• 2:22
  s someone buying a few keys for an artsy crafty project, or
• 2:25
  hey, maybe somebody actually collects key as a hobby, probably a boomer.
• 2:29
  Still it's a mystery to me, and now I am telling myself
• 2:32
  that when I return to that store, and we will I will
• 2:35
  ask if anyone actually buys keys, and why. And perhaps I should
• 2:39
  ask if they'd buy keys for me. Now as a boomer I
• 2:43
  of course have a large collection of keys on a variety of
• 2:45
  key rings. I did a quick count today and I
• 2:48
  have roughly forty-five keys. A few keys are labeled, most are not
• 2:52
  and they're in a basket, a designated spot to toss pens, cords,
• 2:55
  coupons and strings, and a light bulb. In that basket are many
• 3:00
  keys that have lost their mission. We have no idea what they
• 3:03
  unlock. But they cannot be trashed because they do unlock something, somewhere.
• 3:08
  Right? Which, for boomers, is one of them sweet mysteries of life.
• 3:12
  I have a key ring I carry whenever I leave the house.
• 3:15
  That's normal, right? It holds my truck key and house keys. Of
• 3:19
  course, but as I was counting all my keys earlier, I noticed
• 3:22
  that on my special key ring there were three strange keys I
• 3:25
  do not know what they unlock. They must be important. I did
• 3:29
  not want to lose them, but I never use them. Too bad
• 3:32
  one of them doesn't unlock my lousy memory. That of course is
• 3:36
  another side side effect of being a boomer. It's likely I will
• 3:40
  never find locks to connect to all my keys. But I will
• 3:42
  keep them. Can't help it. Stay away. Leave me alone. And before
• 3:46
  you say I'm being silly, let me remind you my keys still
• 3:49
  have some value. About one dollar each, I'd say. Lonnie Kane, retired
• 3:54
  managing editor of The Times in Ottawa, also was a reporter for
• 3:57
  the Herald News in Joliet in the 1970s. His paperwork email is
• 4:01
  LonniejKane at gmail.com. Or mail the News Tribune 426 2nd Street, LaSalle
• 4:07
  Isle 61301.