Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a High Performer
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to start with a scenario. Imagine you're a senior engineer at a fast-growing company. You consistently deliver, you hit your OKRs, you get solid performance reviews. But when it comes to mentorship — crickets. Nobody offers. You're seen as someone who's got it figured out. Luna: Right, like you're too competent to need help. I've heard that from friends in tech especially. Lucas: Exactly. And there's data to back it up. The Center for Talent Innovation published a study in 2023 that found employees rated as 'high potential' receive about 40 percent fewer mentorship offers than average performers. Managers assume high performers don't need guidance, and peers assume they're too busy or too intimidating. Luna: Forty percent fewer — that's a huge gap. So the people who could accelerate fastest are getting the least support. Lucas: It's a blind spot. And it creates a paradox: the more you excel, the harder it is to find someone who will openly mentor you. So today I want to talk about three specific strategies for high performers who want mentorship but aren't getting it. Luna: Let's hear them. Lucas: First strategy: reframe the ask. Most mentorship requests sound like, 'Can you help me improve?' That signals weakness — which is fine for many people, but for a high performer, it feels out of character. Instead, frame it as, 'Can you help me reach the next level?' You're not asking for remedial help; you're asking for acceleration. Luna: So it's about language. Instead of 'I need to get better,' it's 'I want to be even better.' That's a subtle but powerful shift. Lucas: Exactly. And it works because senior leaders love working with people who are already good. They'd rather spend an hour with someone who will run with their advice than someone who needs handholding. That's strategy one. Luna: Okay, what's number two? Lucas: Second strategy: target mentors two to three levels above you, not one. A lot of people look for a mentor who's their boss's peer — a senior manager or director. But for high performers, that person often sees you as competition or as someone who doesn't need help because you're already performing well in their band. Luna: So skip the level right above you. Lucas: Right. Go to a VP or a senior director — someone who's far enough removed that they don't evaluate your current role. They can give you perspective on the next leap, not just the next step. And they're usually more willing to invest time because they see you as a future asset to the organization, not a threat. Luna: That makes a lot of sense. The feedback is also more candid because they're not worried about your day-to-day performance review. Lucas: Exactly. And strategy three: seek sponsors, not just mentors. There's a meaningful difference. A mentor gives advice and guidance. A sponsor actively advocates for you — they put your name forward for stretch assignments, they mention you in leadership meetings, they create opportunities. Luna: And high performers need sponsors more than average performers, because they're already visible, but they need someone to open doors that are closed. Lucas: Right. So how do you find a sponsor? You don't ask, 'Will you be my sponsor?' That's too direct. Instead, you demonstrate value to someone senior by helping them succeed. Then, when they see you as useful, they naturally start advocating for you. Luna: So it's more of a reciprocal relationship. You prove you're someone worth betting on. Lucas: Exactly. Let me give you a concrete example. I spoke with a senior engineer at Stripe a few months ago. She was a top performer but felt stuck because no senior leader was pushing her toward principal engineer roles. So she started a mentorship program for junior engineers — she offered to mentor three junior devs for an hour every two weeks. Luna: That's interesting. She focused on giving mentorship, not getting it. Lucas: Right. And here's the key: she then approached a senior director and said, 'I'm mentoring three junior engineers and I'd love your advice on how to be a better mentor to them. Could we do a fifteen-minute check-in once a month?' That was a low-commitment ask, and it framed the conversation around helping others, not herself. Luna: Clever. So she got mentorship under the guise of helping her mentees. Lucas: Exactly. And within three months, that senior director started recommending her for principal engineer projects. He became her sponsor without her ever asking for sponsorship directly. She called it 'mentorship debt' — you mentor someone junior, and that gives you a natural reason to ask a senior for guidance. Luna: I love that. It's a way to solve the 40-percent gap proactively. Lucas: So the three strategies: reframe the ask for acceleration, target mentors two levels above, and create sponsorship by being a mentor yourself. But I want to add one more thought — because this is a career show, and I think we should be honest about something. Luna: What's that? Lucas: If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, and you find value in these conversations, listener support is what keeps this show ad-free and sustainable. It's a small thing, but it matters. People who care about the show have mentioned that they'd like to contribute — and if that's you, there's a way to do it. Luna: Yeah, it's a simple gesture that goes a long way. Every little bit helps us keep doing what we do. Lucas: It's at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure at all. And honestly, just knowing people listen and apply these ideas is the real reward. Luna: Absolutely. Now, back to the strategies — I think one thing that's underappreciated is that high performers often feel guilty asking for help, because they're supposed to be the ones giving it. Lucas: That's such a good point. There's an internal barrier: 'I'm the one people come to. I shouldn't need help.' But the best leaders I've seen are the ones who are constantly learning. The moment you stop seeking mentorship is the moment your growth plateaus. Luna: So it's about reframing the identity: being a high performer doesn't mean you have all the answers. It means you're good at finding them. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's the core takeaway: the best mentees often become the best mentors. It's not a one-way street. If you're a high performer and you've been waiting for someone to offer mentorship, stop waiting. Use these strategies to create it yourself. Luna: And if someone's listening and they're that high performer who's never had a mentor, what's the one action they should take tomorrow? Lucas: I'd say: identify one junior colleague you can mentor, and one senior leader you can ask for fifteen minutes to help you be a better mentor to them. That single move starts both relationships. Luna: That's a concrete first step. And it doesn't require a formal program — just initiative. Lucas: Right. So go ahead and try it. And if it works, let us know. We'd love to hear your story.