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Why My Story Convinced Others to Stay · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Group Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, Remember that time
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: get ready to gree with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Groo with Porsche.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker and is always don't
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep up with
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: all things grew with Porsche. Some of you may know
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I have a tattoo on my left shoulder that says,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: don't write your ending. That was the tattoo that I
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: got after my own suicide attempt in twenty seventeen. And
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: for those of us who are part of the Still
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Here crew, I just want to remind you that there's
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: more to life than your current circumstance. Let me repeat
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: that there's more to life than your current circumstance, or
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I like to call it your seat of occupancy. So
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: today I have the honor of being joined by an
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: individual who many of you may know. He is also
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a suicide attempt survivor from the Golden Gate Bridge, and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: today I have the honor of having a great conversation
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: with him as he'll be here in Cleveland, Ohio. So welcome,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: mister Kevin Hines. Kevin, how are you today?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I'm doing well. Thank you very much, portion and nice
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: to see you. We've been connected on LinkedIn for a while.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: It's great to see you in person.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Kevin.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: It's an honor to meet you finally. I've followed your
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: story and your journey, and I know other people have
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: because so many of us have been there right where
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: we want to end it all, because life doesn't seem
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: like there's a light at the end of the tunnel
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: for us and Kevin, for our audience who's tuning in.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: This year marks twenty six years since your suicide attempt
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: from the Golden gate Bridge, and I'm curious, Kevin, when
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: you think back to that time, what stands out as
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: the most present thing for you today?
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: From that time.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Two things immeasurable pain, lethal emotional pain that led me
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: to the bridge to jump off, and then the mill
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: of second, my hands let go of the rail, praying
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: to God to live. And in that moment of praying
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: to God to live, at millisecond my hands left the rail.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I had what's known as an instantaneous regret for my actions,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: and I basically said, God, I made a mistake, you know,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: forgive me and save me. And He answered my prayers.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: In the water is below the bridge, I was drowning,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: and I thought, this is it. This is going to
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: be the end of my life. I don't want to die.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: What have I done? God? Please save me. I don't
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: want to die. I made a mistake. And that is
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: when and you'll see it here behind me a sea
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: lion and that's that's my sea lion bumped me to
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: the surface and kept me afloat onto the coastguard budh
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: ride behind me. And if you don't call that a miracle,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know what is. And I I have a
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: strong faith in God, I always have, always will. I
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: don't push that on anybody, that's my prerogative. But the
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: message I'm going to give in Ohio is for anyone
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: who has ever been in any kind of pain to
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: keep going, to keep moving forward, to keep working toward
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: a better brain and mental health outcome. And if you
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: are so blessed as I am to have faith in God,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: pray that you can continue to Prayer gets me through everything.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: And I don't take it for granted. I feel like
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I'm living a dream. I get to be here past
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: the inevitable day I should have died. What a gift,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: What a gift to live twenty six years past the
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: day I should have died. And that's why I say
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: to people who are suicidal, think of all the things
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: you would miss. Just ponder the things you might miss that.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Let's just use me for example. Met the love of
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: my life, Margaret Hines. Married her my best friend in
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: the whole world. Had a dog named Max before he
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: passed away nine years after we got him. Beautiful Sharpey
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: made everybody around us happy. He was my emotional support
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: animal for years. He would come to me with come
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: to gigs with me, speaking gigs. Got to see the
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: birth the birth of my two god children, Zoe and Judah.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: I would have missed that. Think you of all the
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: things you would miss, write them down, envision the beautiful
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: things that your life could become before you take that
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: step to leaving this earth by your hands, never to return.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Suicide is never the solution to your problems. It is
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: the problem. Suicidal thoughts and ideations are the greatest liars
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: we know. Don't listen to them, and suicide does not, cannot,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: and will not ever take the pain away. It just
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: transfers the pain onto everyone left behind and makes it
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: impossible for things to ever get better. I make you
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: a promise, those of you listening, watching, and subscribing right now.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: With time, energy, effort, and hard work, things always get better.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Nothing good ever came without hard work, and your brain
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: health is no different.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Kevin, Oh my goodness, you got me over here trying
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: to fight back the tears because I can see what
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: you're saying, because I've been there, right both of us.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Even though I never actually had jumped. I didn't get
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: to jump because my guardian, Andrew called my cell phone
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: when I was going to. So when I think about
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: that circumvent moment, I think about now today, where I've
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: also met my true love as well. You know, I
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: have an amazing dog. You can't see embody. He's hanging
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: around here. And I think that's a beautiful, if you
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: want to call it soop for people to keep in
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: their back pocket of all the things that they would
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: miss rite their families for you, the godchildren, your dog,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: your wife, you know, and that there's more to life
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: than that moment, right, and Kevin, for you. Also, I'm curious,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: did you give that sea lion a name?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I did? I did? His name is?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: His name is Herbert, Herbert Herbert.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I did that. It's like my
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: favorite name besides Kevin. So I was just like, his
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: name is Herbert?
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Wow? I mean, and you would people would probably think
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: that this is something you dreamed, right, because we hear
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: stories like this when we watched movies or cartoons. But
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: you you actually saw yourself falling.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Literally you land in this water.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you go straight down because you didn't have
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: all the life jacket.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: You know. And I serviced at one point, but I
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: go back down and I can't get back up. I
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: can't get back to service. I'm gonna drown. And this
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: creature circles needs to be bumping me up. And I
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: thought it was a shark. I thought, you got to
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: be kidding me. I didn't die jump and now a
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: shark is gonna eat me. This is perfect. A ton
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: of witnesses and passers by would later recount to the
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Coastguard office that it was in fact a sea lion,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: and it was in fact keep me a foot into
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: The coast Guard board arrived and I went back to
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: the bridge with my dad a year later to the
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: date of my attempt. At the time of my attempt,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: and we had picked a flower from a flower bed
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: earlier than that day. It was a purple tulip with
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: gold pollen inside it. Beautiful flower. Tulips are my favorite
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: flowers now. And my father grabbed my left hand in
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: his right and we said, and our father to hell Mary,
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: And he said, drop the flower for closure. And I
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: reached over the rail and I dropped the flower and
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: walked it down very slowly two hundred and twenty feet.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: It hit the water, and two feet to the right
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: popped up a sea lion. And it was arguably the
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: most beautiful moment in my entire life, next to my
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: dad being the best man at my wedding. And there
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: was no other choice and so you have these moments
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: in your life where maybe it's not that dramatic or
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: or cinematic. But for me, this was one of the
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: most beautiful moments I've ever experienced in my life or
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I will ever experience in my life. It was proof
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: positive in that moment of return to the bridge that
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: was meant for a higher purpose. And I don't know
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: if you know this, but my videos across the Internet
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: have been viewed well over three billion times, and over
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: two hundred thousand people have said these videos have saved
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: their life. That doesn't even count the people that write
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: to me from in person presentations that say the same thing,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: or write for me for my books that say the
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: same thing. I am no life saver. I'm not claiming
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: to be life saver. But I do believe in being
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: a conduit. And I believe that in my survival, I
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: had a choice to be quiet or to speak up,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: and God gave me a mission. And I mean God
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: because I had no intention of speaking about my issues
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: and my struggles in my story, but in my psych
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: word Stay after my first physical hospital, Stay after going
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: from a wheelchair to walk on a back brace, to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: a back brace in a cane then right to my
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: first syche word in that cych where there was a
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Franciscan friar, a chaplain of the hospital, brother George Cherry,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: who said, kid, when you get better, you want to
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: talk about this. I looked at him, I said about
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: what to who? He said, You'll see every day, Brother
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: George Cherry would come into my room every day. He
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: would pray with me. Every day he would say, kid,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: when you get better, you ought to talk about this.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: On the final day of my stay, as my dad
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: hobbled me out the door to the elevator bay, my
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: brother George Cherry says, Kevin, I expect you'll talk about this,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: and I ignored him. I go to church a few
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: weeks later with my dad and the priest comes out,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Father Michael Herman. He married my wife and I he
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: confirmed me as a kid. He comes out and he
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: goes Kevin. After the service, Kevin, everyone's been praying for
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: you and your family. We've all said masters for you,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: hoping and praying you would get better and heal and
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: find recovery. How would you like to come and talk
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: to our seventh and eighth grade class about your experience?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: This good Friday. I said, father, I don't have a speech,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: and I wouldn't know what to say, and my dad
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: shoved me forward and goes, he'll do it. So what
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: are you doing, Dad, you'll do it. We need more closure.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: So that's my dad. It's my dad in nutshell. So
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: so I say, okay, Father, I'll see on Good Friday.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: And I wrote a speech till three in the morning
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: on Good Friday, seventeen pages, forty five minutes street a lot.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I timed it, and I'm knocking out these pages while
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: dropping page by page to the floor in front of
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: one hundred and twenty seven to eighth grade Catholic school
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: kids sitting in their Catholic uniforms on the floor that
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I used to wear. And I'm thinking to myself the
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: whole time, what a waste of time? Who is this helping?
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Why am I doing this? I'm having this inner dialogue
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: with I'm just having this terrible inner dialogue, beating myself up.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: This isn't gonna help anybody. I dropped the final page
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: of the floor. I'm shaking and I'm crying. It's wraw,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: first time I ever did it in person, and eight
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: hands immediately go up intuitive, empowering, moving, important, beautiful questions.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I'd made an impact. I go home. I think, well,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I'll never do that again. That was fun. And then
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: my senior harmon calls me to the rectory two weeks
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: later and says, I have something for you. I hook
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: up two miles in my back brace in my cane,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: having an asthma attack, barely making it. I get there,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I take my inhaler. He hands me in an the envelope.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: It says open. I open it. It's a beautiful pencer
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: colored drawing of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. One of
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: the kids had done it. It was gorgeous. I still
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: have it. Inside that folder was one hundred and twenty
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: letters from one hundred and twenty kids. Several of the
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: kids were actively suicidal. They wrote about it in their letters.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Because they were under the age of eighteen, there were miners, counselors,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: pay attention. We were able to get them to safety.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Two of them are therapists today. My point is this,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: the spoken word and stories transcend time, They transcend media.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: And if you tell a story that is educational, entertaining, humorous, nonsensationalistic,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: and hope fulfilled with hope. That's the most important part.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: You can have a transformative effect on the neuroplasticity of
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: the brain. It's science backed, and you can change and
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: you can help save a life. So I'm one person
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: and my story has now reached this many people around
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: the globe and every language and every continent around the world.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Let's all speak up. It doesn't have to be around
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: the world. Speak up at your dinner table, speak up
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: at your lunch cafeteria, speak up in your church, speak
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: up at your sports event. Speak up is the point.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Speak up, speak often, and speak loudly, and tell your
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: truth so that you may change somebody else's life. Giving
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: is the true receiving. It is our purpose. It is
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: our only purpose, dare I say? And far too many
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: people around the globe have forgotten the importance of giving back.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: And that's also science backed, an evidence informed. When you
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: give of yourself to someone else or something greater than yourself,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: when you give to a cause greater than yourself for good,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: it changes your brain waves and brain patterns and you
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: feel better. So you're helping somebody else or somebody else,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: but you're also helping yourself. It's the most therapy thing
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: you could ever do.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: No, it's say fill your cup, right, So that action
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: alone fills two people's cups, yours and theirs. And I've
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: heard that time and time again, Kevin, that it's better
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to give than to receive. But I think so many
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: of us in this world right now, with so much
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: going on, there's this notion of what's in it for me?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: But I always say that your story is not for you.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Your story is to open the door to give somebody
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: else permission to start to heal by sharing their own.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Kevin, this has been a.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Beautiful conversation today, and I thank you so much for
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: your vulnerability, for taking that leap when your dad is like, hey,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: you're gonna talk right, even though you weren't ready. But
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: isn't that how it always is when we're not ready,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: we're forced into things right.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: And so, Kevin, for our audience, you're gonna be.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Speaking here in Ohio next week, and so for our
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: audience if they want to obviously come to your talk,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: if they're local, if there's anything that you have coming
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: up in the next couple of months, how can our
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: audience connect with you? Kevin?
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: You can reach me at Kevin Hines Story k E
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: v I N h I N E S S t
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: O r Y across all socials. You can see my
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: podcast episodes on the Hindsights podcast HI and E s
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: I G H T S podcast wherever podcast can be
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: found and and you can reach me U simply on
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: those on those social medias. I do my best to
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: respond to as many people as I can. You know,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I want to make a point here and I don't
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: want to push it too heavy, but I want to
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: make a point that's on my heart right now. Whether
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: you believe in him or not, Jesus gave to us
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: the greatest sacrifice his life. He wanted nothing in return
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: but to give his entirety to the world. So if
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: we can be even a microcosm in his footsteps, a
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: spec in the sand of this giant world, this giant universe,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: this galaxy, to give back to people in pain and
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: help them recognize that their pain doesn't have to be
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: their end. It can instead be their beginning. Pain could
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: be the new beginning to your life and your ability
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: to not just survive your pain, but to someday thrive.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: And when you thrive, that when you thrive that day,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: guess what then? You get to go out and change
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: the lives of other people for the better. So think
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: about that when the next time you're in lethal emotional pain,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: that there's there's a corner you're going to turn. When
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: you turn that corner, you could be the one changing
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: or helping to save a life. And that's a beautiful thing.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And then to that, I always say that we are
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: all part of the body of Christ. We are all
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: co workers in the garden, right, So if we come
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: from that notion that we're all making something beautiful work,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: we've all been given a special task each of us.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: There's none of us that aren't that are excluded. We're
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: all a part of this collective. And my mom wants
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: used to say teamwork makes the dream work. So how
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: can we make that work today?
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: If you've ever heard other people know that you can
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: redeem yourself. You can come back to the Lord and
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you can redeem yourself and change your motors, opera and die,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: and you can be the person that shifts perspective and
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: and changes the way you treat other people.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Today, that, oh, redemption, that's a whole We can have
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: a whole nother conversation about that, Kevin, because that is
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: so true, well, everybody. As Kevin mentioned, you can find
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: him on any social media platform LinkedIn Instagram. You can
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: listen to his podcast, The Hindsight Podcast. You can come
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: hear his talks at Tiho Community College coming up next week,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: and make sure that you do your own check in right.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Let's be there for each other and let's remember that
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: no pain is too great that we can't handle without
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: God by our side. Well, everybody. That concludes our conversation
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: today on grou of Portie, and special thanks to mister
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Kevin Hines for gracing us today and until next time,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: everybody piece and hair grease everyone on