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Is family law simple? · Family Law Talk

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Family Law Talk. Family Law Talk presented by
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  Kirk Stangy of Stangy Law Firm PC. Stangy Law Firm
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  is a multi state family law firm. Now here's your host,
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  Kirk Stangy.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to Family Law Talk. We have an interesting topic today.
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  The topic is is family law simple? And this episode
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  today is based on an article on our blog Familylawheadquarters
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  dot com dated May eleventh, twenty twenty five, and the
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  title of that article is our Divorce and Family Law
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  Matters Simple. So as a follow up to the episode today,
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  going over to our blog and read this article from
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  more information on this topic. But let's go ahead and
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  jump into the episode today and cover this topic. Okay. Look,
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  the view of many is that divorce and family law
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  matters are simple, or that it should be simple. I've
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  heard this concept of this notion throughout the years over
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  and over again. Okay. Sometimes it's from individuals that are
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  not lawyers, that aren't going through divorce or family law matters.
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  These are just individuals out in the community and their
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  viewpoint is this is simple stuff. Okay. And sometimes you know,
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  I've encountered other attorneys, certain judges, and they think what
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  is so complex about this? Okay, family law divorce matters
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  are simple, and the notion or the concept of the theory,
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  if you will, really revilves around this, which is this
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  kind of idea, if you will, that, Look, parties should
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  resolve their differences quickly. They should save money on legal fees.
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  They should walk away from the divorce or family law
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  matter friendly and amicably. And many even think, look, x's
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  can be great friends after a breakup, after a divorce, Okay,
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  they can move on, they can be friends. Maybe they
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  can keep in contact, even hang out, and they'll let
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  bygones big bygones. And this should be easy, right, Why
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  can't people do this? This is the viewpoint. The viewpoint
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  is that why not? This should be the case. Right,
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  people should just be friends, they should be pals at
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  the end of it. And what's so hard about this? Okay, Look,
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  this view makes theoretical sense. I understand the concept, and
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  I understand the notion, and in the perfect world this
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  would actually be the case. Right. People could get their
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  case done quickly, they could move on, not spend a
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  lot of money, and they could at least be cordial
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  and amicable with each other. Okay, Any reasonable person would
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  want this. Right Conceptually, I guarantee you that most individuals,
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  if they were pulled or surveyed, they'd say, yeah, I
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  want This'd be great to get along with my ax
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  without disputes, squabbles, go back to court, and this would
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  be a wonderful, great thing. Okay. But really the question
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  is this which is in most instances, is this realistic?
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  Is family law and divorce cases simple most of the time,
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  or is this just an idea? Okay, Look, reasonable minds
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  can disagree on this. I know certain attorneys people that
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  have been involved in the divorce and family law system
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  might say, yeah, it's simple, I'm able to resolve most
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  my cases. But look, the reality is is this is
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  often not true. And I think a lot of individuals
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  and lawyers and courts and judges and people who've gone
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  through this and been involved understand that in a lot
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  of cases, this is a great idea, It's a great notion.
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  It's like saying, give peace a chance, and you're hoping
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  for peace, right, You're aspiring for peace. Everybody wants peace.
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  But at the end of the day and a lot
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  of cases, it isn't to be okay, And so for
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  a lot of individuals when they're really wrestling with us,
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  and they think, well, why isn't this simple? Why can't
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  people just do this thing? Why can't people just be right,
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  just be big people? They move on, you know, they
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  treat the other person with respect, and they don't hold
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  any hard feelings. And this ought to be easy and simple.
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  I mean to those individuals. Look, one of the things
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  that can really muddy this is the reasons for the breakup. Okay,
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  and a lot of divorce and family law matters. That
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  breakup was ugly, right. The breakup wasn't good, right. There
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  could have been fights, there could have been arguments, there
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  could be affairs, right, this could have been years in
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  the making. There could be built up resentment, build up,
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  built up pain, anguished people have experienced. And so for
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  a lot of individuals, they're not going to be able
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  to move on in this kind of way. I understand.
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  And theory again, it sounds great, but for those looking
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  at it from the outside, they haven't gone through with
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  the individual going through the divorce with family law matters
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  gone through, right, They haven't been in their shoes, right.
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  They were not there when X, Y and Z event happened,
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  and so from a distance, while they think individuals ought
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  to just let it go and move on, for a
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  lot of individuals, you just have to know it's easier
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  said than done. Right, So it seems simple, but maybe
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  it's overly simplistic to think that most individuals are going
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  to be able to just move past this stuff easily.
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  Look and for some individuals this is counseling. You got
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  to go through counseling for a long period of time
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  to even work past these things. But this isn't something
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  that's simple and easy for a lot of people where
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  it's just like flipping a light switch and the hard
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  feelings are just gone. For a lot of individuals going
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  through divorce or FAMI law matter, those hard feelings are
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  always kind of there, even if they've moved past them
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  in a lot of ways, but they're always kind of there.
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  And sometimes it could be a situation where maybe one
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  persons just let it all go, they're ready to move on,
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  but the other person isn't right, so it takes two
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  people to fully move on and let things go, and
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  that's easier said than done. Okay, substantively, While it's great
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  to think that family laws simple people could just meet
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  in the middle and just end the case at the
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  end of the day, where the parties have kids and
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  there's assets and debts. Look, the results of these cases
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  can be long lasting, and they can be important. I mean,
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  what the outcome of these cases turns out to be
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  can have a huge impact on how somebody's life is
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  going to be. Right. So, while it's easy from the
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  outside to just say, meet in the middle, right, split
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  it in half. Right, you want five hundred a month,
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  the other parties want to give a thousand a month,
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  Sell on seven fifty, let's say for child support maintenance.
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  That's easier said than done. Okay, for a lot of
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  individuals going through this, it's not that simple. Okay, it's
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  overly simplistic to think it's that simple, because the effects,
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  the impacts of this case can endure, and particularly when
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  you're talking about kids too, a parent's right access to
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  their kids, custody of their kids, decision making over the
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  kids in terms of joint or solely accustody, these kinds
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  of things are long impacted by the results of these cases.
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  So it's not easy for a lot of individuals just
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  to reach a quick deal and then end the case,
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  right and so it seems simple, but perhaps it's overly
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  simplistic in a lot of cases to think these are
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  easy decisions for parties. Okay. One of the other things
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  I've heard throughout the years is this, which is, well,
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  why can't parties just get together without their attorneys work
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  on a settlement? You know, just talk, be reasonable, be logical,
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  be practical, write down the settlement terms, give it to
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  their lawyers, and be done. Why is this so hard?
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  Can't people do this? It seems simple to me. I've
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  heard people say, well, look, here's the problem. I mean,
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  sometimes this can happen, but oftentimes it can and you
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  say why, Well, sometimes there's a power imbalance one individual
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  who oftentimes is making the decisions they're used to getting
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  their way, and the other person gets trampled over or
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  they get pushed into a terrible deal because the other
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  person's a lot more assertive, let's say, and the other
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  person's a lot more passive, and so just sitting and
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  meeting and coming up with an arrangement. Look, this really
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  only works where both parties come there with equal leverage,
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  with equal ability to communicate and negotiate and hold the line,
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  and a lot of circumstances, it's just not practical, okay.
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  And a lot of circumstances and situations. You got to know,
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  if parties try to do this, it's going to turn
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  into big argument. So if parties sit down and they
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  try to reach their own settlement, I've seen this go
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  way south and it ends with yelling and screaming and hollering,
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  and people are more upset, and so it's difficult. And
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  you know, one of the things I've said for years,
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  and this is the truth, which if parties were able
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  to compromise, meet in the middle, come up with reasonable
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  and practical solutions, they might not be getting divorced in
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  the first place. They might not have broke up in
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  the first place. And so for a lot of parties,
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  they're not good at doing this. This is why they're
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  not together anymore. So if you think it's simple for
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  them just to sit and meet and come up with
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  a practical solution and a lot of cases, think again,
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  it's just not that simple, okay. And if parties enter
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  deals that aren't fair, that aren't reasonable, what can happen
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  and a lot of circumstances is then one of the
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  parties just comes back on a motion to modify later
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  to try to change it, or somebody remains bitter and
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  upset about the case outcome for a long time, and
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  then this can cause parties not to get along and
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  be friends and want to hang and be around each
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  other after a divorce or family of matter, because they're
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  upset about the way the case went, the outcome, the
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  agreement that was reached. And so look, the idea that
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  family law is simple, I get it. In the perfect world,
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  it would be in the real world. It's just not
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  the case a lot of the time. Okay. So look
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  at the end of the day, for parties to reach
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  a settlement, to conclude a divorce or family no matter,
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  this isn't easy for a lot of people, Okay. Even
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  where parties can't agree on the big picture items like
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  they say, well, we're going to agree to joint custody
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  or we're going to agree to divide everything in half,
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  all the details then need to be hired out. And
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  these details matter, like the days of the week, the
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  parties get the kids in the times, and how they're
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  going to divide the holidays in the summertime, and how
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  they do the exchanges and what they do when they
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  can't agree, okay. And even if you say you're going
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  to divide the property and debt equally, you then need
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  to value it. And it's not as simple as cutting
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  every asset in half. Sometimes it's a matter if you
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  get this asset, I'm going to get that asset. They're
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  worth the same, right, And so these details have to
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  be worked out, and this is hard. Even where parties
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  conceptually agree on the concepts, that details can hang it
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  up a lot of the time, all right. In cases
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  where parties cannot settle, court dates are going to occur,
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  like settlement conferences or pre trial conferences or motion dates
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  or you name it. And then at the end of
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  the day, if the parties can't settle it, these kinds
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  of court dates are through settlement negotiations, then there'll be
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  an evidentiary hearing or a trial at some point. And
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  these circumstances, parties certainly need a skilled and diligent lawyer
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  that understands the complexities of these cases and those court
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  rules and the rules of evidence, and they're able to
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  present the case, okay, even where the parties are trying
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  to settle and they don't want a trial or a hearing,
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  it's still important to have a lawyer who can effectively
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  negotiate it, and most circumstances, at least throughout my career,
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  in terms of what I've seen, it's better when the
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  lawyerlayers negotiate on behalf of their clients. This ensures if
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  there's a power and balance that that doesn't come into play.
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  This ensures if the parties might end up yelling and
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  scream at each other, that's not going to happen now
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  because the lawyers are doing this. And then when you
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  get into the details, all these details are worked out
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  on the front end. It's not the situation while we
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  agreed on big picture items, but now we're fighting over details.
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  If the lawyers negotiating, then these details can be worked
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  out too. Okay, So again the concept is simplistic family law,
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  divorce and family law being simple and easy. And if
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  it's not simple and easy, what's the party's problems and
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  what's the lawyer's problems? This ought to be simple and
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  easy and people ought to move on. Again, I understand
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  the concept. I appreciate it in theory. We all want peace,
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  we all want settlement. This is a good thing, and
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  I do think it's important that most cases settle and
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  not be resolved through a trial. At the same time,
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  this isn't easy in a lot of cases. This isn't
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  simple for far too many. It's complex, it's nuanced, and
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  the details do matter. Okay, so definitely an interesting topic.
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  One I wanted to cover today is a follow up
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  to the episode today. Go on over to Familawheadquarters dot
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  com read my article titled our divorce in FAMI Law
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  Matter Simple. This will give you more information on this topic.
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  But thanks for tuning in today, stay tuned to our
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  next episode of Family Law Talk coming up. Thank you
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  very much.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Family Law Talk with Kirk Stangy.
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  Visit Stangy Lawfirm dot com for more about today's topic
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  or to put Stangy Lawfirm to work for your family today.
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