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What Is The Blueprint To Being Married? · The Breakfast Club

0:00
Speaker 1: Dj V Charlemagne, the guy we are the breakfast Club.
0:03
Speaker 1: Our guest host, Ray j is here. I know no nonsense,
0:07
Speaker 1: Ray to Day, that's right now. We were talking about
0:10
Speaker 1: the Elliss who joined us earlier, Codein and de Vow,
0:12
Speaker 1: and we were talking about their relationship and talking about
0:15
Speaker 1: marriage after wedding, and this is what they said. Yea,
0:18
Speaker 1: I have a chapter called There's a marriage after this
0:21
Speaker 1: wedding break there there. So while we were writing the book,
0:24
Speaker 1: we had discussed what I thought process was about getting
0:27
Speaker 1: engaged in being married, and Kadein had admitted that she
0:30
Speaker 1: had never really thought about the marriage. Nope, anytime, anytime
0:34
Speaker 1: I had conversations with anyone regarding marriage or the wedding,
0:37
Speaker 1: it was the wedding. It was you know what dress
0:40
Speaker 1: are you gonna get? And who's the florist? And it
0:42
Speaker 1: was the planning of the day. At no point in
0:44
Speaker 1: time did anyone pull me aside and say, Kadein, like,
0:47
Speaker 1: once you get married, here are some things to expect. Right.
0:50
Speaker 1: You watch these Disney movies and it says happily ever after,
0:53
Speaker 1: no one sees what happens after they ride off into
0:55
Speaker 1: the sunset. Correct, But it was particularly difficult because I
0:58
Speaker 1: just did not think about or plan for what life
1:00
Speaker 1: was going to look like after the wedding. Yeah, they
1:02
Speaker 1: have a great chapter in the book called you Know,
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Speaker 1: the Marriage after the Wedding and basically, you know, it's
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Speaker 1: the work that has to be done after you say
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Speaker 1: I do. And I don't know if there is a
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Speaker 1: blueprint to being married, like what is the work that
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Speaker 1: needs to be done after one is married. I don't
1:17
Speaker 1: know if marriage is something you can gain plan for.
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Speaker 1: I think, you know, with marriage, we got to remember
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Speaker 1: the fourth agreement, which is always do your best. Because
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Speaker 1: I don't believe you could prepare for everything that marriage is.
1:25
Speaker 1: Go at you. No, you definitely can't prepare. And like
1:27
Speaker 1: you said, marriage is something that you consistently work on.
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Speaker 1: I mean, it's so many different people. People are growing,
1:32
Speaker 1: people are involved. You have to understand people's feelings that
1:34
Speaker 1: it's not just because y'all have been dating, but now
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Speaker 1: you have to understand somebody when you go to work
1:39
Speaker 1: and you and you come home and you had a
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Speaker 1: bad day, you take that energy out on your partner,
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Speaker 1: how to deal with it, how to deal with everything
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Speaker 1: in a relationship. So let's go to you, right, we've
1:49
Speaker 1: been married for six years. Six years. Congratulations. You had
1:52
Speaker 1: a lot of ups and downs, public somethings have been public,
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Speaker 1: y'all call for the voce sometimes and got back together.
1:58
Speaker 1: Y'all back together now. Yeah. I love Princess man, and
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Speaker 1: I think that a lot of times. I mean, because
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Speaker 1: I can only listen to people who's been married for
2:05
Speaker 1: twenty years or fifteen, and they they kind of gave
2:08
Speaker 1: us like the timing of when it gets rough and
2:11
Speaker 1: then you get over this year hump and then it
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Speaker 1: kind of smooths out. How long you've been married twenty
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Speaker 1: two I've been married twenty fourteen. I'm not good at man,
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Speaker 1: I got it. But I've been with my wife between
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Speaker 1: five years. I've been with eight years, nine years. I'm
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Speaker 1: doing my wife for twenty five years. I've been so
2:28
Speaker 1: around the like sixth seventh year? Was it rough? Or fifth?
2:31
Speaker 1: Fourth to fifth? Um? I mean, you guys have been
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Speaker 1: married for so long and no, no, no, yes, with
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Speaker 1: marriage yes, because when I got married, I hadn't let
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Speaker 1: go of a lot of my childish ways. So I
2:41
Speaker 1: was still out here in these streets, you know what
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Speaker 1: I mean, doing things I ain't had no business doing
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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, infidelity and all of that.
2:47
Speaker 1: So yes, yes, so yeah, So around this time, like
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Speaker 1: I just felt like it, you know that I really
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Speaker 1: wanted to, um, just be a good husband, but then
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Speaker 1: I'm only not be a good father and a time
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Speaker 1: and away from them and kids and not being there
3:03
Speaker 1: every single day, every hour. You know, did you have
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Speaker 1: a lot of insecurities? For myself, I had a lot
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Speaker 1: of insecurities, and being married it kind of exposed that,
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Speaker 1: Like what what do you mean, Um, my wife is beautiful,
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Speaker 1: she's smart, she's intelligent, and I wouldn't had a book
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Speaker 1: come out. So yeah, we had a book came out,
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Speaker 1: so real life, real love. We talk about that. And
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Speaker 1: at first I was scared that if she left, she
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Speaker 1: might see somebody that's smarter than me, that looks better
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Speaker 1: than me. That it's not hard, though, it's very hard.
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Speaker 1: It's very difficult, actually low, very hard, very difficult. It's
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Speaker 1: actually very difficult trying to be serious. Serious. I'm saying,
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Speaker 1: y'all making me lit because y'all like I want to
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Speaker 1: get litter because y'all making me laugh. I'm trying to
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Speaker 1: let's being serious. You want to joke, So what's the
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Speaker 1: work that y'all had to do in our marriages. Compromise communication,
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Speaker 1: compromise communication and also yeah, communication and really it's like
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Speaker 1: if you feel a certain way, express yourself about it,
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Speaker 1: if you let it linger, and then nobody knows, and
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Speaker 1: then it's just the attitude that's in the air, and
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Speaker 1: you just what's wrong. Were you scared to express yourself?
4:14
Speaker 1: Were you scared to ask questions? At times? Yeah, it
4:17
Speaker 1: depends on the question, because there's questions you want to
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Speaker 1: ask it, but can you handle the answer? What do
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Speaker 1: you have to compromise a lot of things, Just making
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Speaker 1: sure that I that I stay in communication all the time,
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Speaker 1: listening more, going out more, and spending time outside and
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Speaker 1: inside and really just kind of like making my wife
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Speaker 1: my close friend and roll and we roll together and
4:45
Speaker 1: we do everything like as far as fun together because
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Speaker 1: a lot of times dudes want to go hang out
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Speaker 1: with their friends and have the fun and then come
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Speaker 1: back and you got to think your girl or to
4:56
Speaker 1: do been in the house for days and you just
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Speaker 1: want to come back and lay up, you're tired. Then
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Speaker 1: we all got it. You had a long week, right,
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Speaker 1: We've been scared of scraping a lot of different ways.
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Speaker 1: You know rated you know they you actually got in
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Speaker 1: divorce papers? Right? Well, yeah, well actually we both fouled.
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Speaker 1: Why I fouled, she fouled. They really want that though,
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Speaker 1: I think deep down we didn't. You know what I'm saying.
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Speaker 1: But a lot of times people are stubborn. I'm stubborn
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Speaker 1: and and and I think it hurts to think that
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Speaker 1: a lot of times. If your ego got in the
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Speaker 1: way and you actually got divorced and you didn't want to,
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Speaker 1: but you're how I got, that's scary. What did your friends,
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Speaker 1: and you know you're very close to your mom, of course,
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Speaker 1: what did your family and say during that time? I
5:36
Speaker 1: really don't go to them for that for relationship advice,
5:40
Speaker 1: but because yeah, I think that's that's dangerous, right. I
5:43
Speaker 1: love princess, she loves me. Can't nobody tell me how
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Speaker 1: to feel or what to do. They can only guide
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Speaker 1: you and help you. But when they're done telling you
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Speaker 1: what you what you either want to or not, you
5:54
Speaker 1: still got to go back home, right and you still
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Speaker 1: got to deal with it from a man's perspective or
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Speaker 1: a woman's perspective. So I just think just that one
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Speaker 1: on one, tight knit nobody can come in between these
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Speaker 1: walls and if we got issues, deal with them. If
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Speaker 1: we don't, then let's enjoy ourselves together. And like, what
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Speaker 1: do you think about what we did? That's when it
6:13
Speaker 1: get Besides the TV show, was there, did y'all go
6:16
Speaker 1: see therapy or a therapist or was it you know,
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Speaker 1: pastor preacher or somebody to be the middle person in
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Speaker 1: between y'all or y'all just worked it out yourselves. We
6:25
Speaker 1: just worked it out, and I know we went we
6:28
Speaker 1: had a therapist. Like a lot of stuff we do
6:30
Speaker 1: on the show, it's still needed. Do you get what
6:34
Speaker 1: I'm saying in the show? For me? When I watched
6:35
Speaker 1: each season, I'm like every like the first few seasons
6:38
Speaker 1: eleven hip, but I was terrible. I was embarrassed to
6:41
Speaker 1: be who I am. You were right, and I looked
6:44
Speaker 1: at myself. Nobody needed to tell me what I did.
6:47
Speaker 1: I could see it right, And so I used the
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Speaker 1: show every year to either watch myself do bad or
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Speaker 1: see myself enhance and upgrade. And so that's why I
6:56
Speaker 1: appreciate loving him, which is crazy because a lot of
6:59
Speaker 1: people would ever say they have been loving but I
7:02
Speaker 1: just do because I was able to. I was able
7:03
Speaker 1: to watch my plays and then make my changes from
7:06
Speaker 1: watching myself. I'm glad, y'all beat that curse man reality
7:09
Speaker 1: TV breaking couples apart. I'm glad I'm the only one.
7:12
Speaker 1: I'm the only one getting on. But we can we
7:16
Speaker 1: have it? Can we have a bomb? To drop a ball?
7:20
Speaker 1: That's which his bomb is on Clu? So Clue has
7:23
Speaker 1: his own bomb here? Yeah? I know he always been
7:25
Speaker 1: dropping bombs. But ye, so you got you guys don't
7:28
Speaker 1: have one? Now, Clu? What do you have that sound effect?
7:32
Speaker 1: I don't know. You don't have enough guys. You gotta
7:36
Speaker 1: get who does the who he hot? Who does that? Donkey? Oh?
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Speaker 1: Real one? Really? I got a real one. I bought
7:42
Speaker 1: a real one in here and recorded it live and
7:45
Speaker 1: it was crazy, not yet old. So how did you
7:47
Speaker 1: make the donkey do it? Did you hit him like hawd?
7:50
Speaker 1: He go? Here? You know what I did? Really? I
7:52
Speaker 1: played one wish and then you put a little pinky
7:54
Speaker 1: in it. And I'm just about to say you was
7:56
Speaker 1: doing too much like that. I was trying to play out.
7:59
Speaker 1: I would have gonna say something, but then you actually
8:02
Speaker 1: was going there, So I'm like, damn, Okay, see what
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Speaker 1: happens has add this weekend like we just go all
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Speaker 1: over the places. The question is eight hundred and five
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Speaker 1: A five after the wedding, the marriage, that's when the
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Speaker 1: marriage starts. For being married. What does the work that
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Speaker 1: to be done? All right, let's talk about it when
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Speaker 1: we come back. It's the breakfast Club of the morning
8:20
Speaker 1: after the wedding. You go have a good time well
8:23
Speaker 1: after you know what, it's the breakfast Club one. What
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Speaker 1: I'm saying, it's time to get it popping legally call
8:36
Speaker 1: me the breakfast Club top on morning, everybody, DJ and
8:45
Speaker 1: V Charlomagne the guy. We are the breakfast Club. Our
8:47
Speaker 1: guest host Ray J is still here, no nonsense, Ray
8:50
Speaker 1: to day, raycon Global period and if you just joined us,
8:53
Speaker 1: we were talking about the Elisis, Cadine and de Val.
8:56
Speaker 1: That book We Over Me is out right now we
8:59
Speaker 1: over we over me like we together over me by
9:03
Speaker 1: myself that we over me? What about he and she
9:08
Speaker 1: or they? Ye? I ad I just asked a lot
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Speaker 1: of questions. That's it's cool. I'm curious. So we're asking
9:15
Speaker 1: about the blueprint for marriage, right, and we got to
9:17
Speaker 1: think he talked to us. So I think that if
9:20
Speaker 1: you get premarital counseling. Preneto counseling would give you a
9:24
Speaker 1: foundation to actually build off of a lot of people
9:27
Speaker 1: don't want to subscribe to it, but it gets your
9:29
Speaker 1: mind off of the wedding and it allows you to
9:33
Speaker 1: build with one another. And our premarrital counseling included what
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Speaker 1: didn't we see growing up? What are things that we
9:40
Speaker 1: would like to carry over? What are things? And that
9:43
Speaker 1: allowed us to say, Okay, unconsciously, we may do things
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Speaker 1: that we start growing up. So if I start to
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Speaker 1: act out a certain way, my husband would be prepared
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Speaker 1: mentally to say, Okay, that may not be her consciously
9:55
Speaker 1: doing that. That may be an unconscious thing that she's
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Speaker 1: repeating from what she started rolling up. I didn't now
10:02
Speaker 1: have a conversation with one another, so he can point
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Speaker 1: it out to me and said, hey, remember we talked
10:07
Speaker 1: about this. You know this is you're starting to do X,
10:10
Speaker 1: Y and Z. Prepare me not to take it personally.
10:14
Speaker 1: So I think there's pre marital counseling, and then that
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Speaker 1: a lot allows you to have a person that you
10:21
Speaker 1: can now go to two or three months later when
10:23
Speaker 1: things start to appear and creep up and I think
10:26
Speaker 1: I think this should be. I think there should be
10:28
Speaker 1: somebody before you get married to talk to that break
10:30
Speaker 1: things down. Don't don't mind. Charlemagne and Ray laugh, but
10:33
Speaker 1: they're not laughing at you class. But I agree with you,
10:37
Speaker 1: VICKI and I agree with you. Right. But Ray looking
10:42
Speaker 1: at me like I visited of Vicky and I'm and
10:44
Speaker 1: I'm into it and I'm focuseding me look at me
10:47
Speaker 1: and see me focused and laughing, and I was like, dang,
10:49
Speaker 1: I was so focused. And then both of y'all go
10:52
Speaker 1: to the principal's office, both principal's office right now, Vicky,
10:55
Speaker 1: not wrong though y'all would teaches nightmares. I could tell
10:57
Speaker 1: like both of y'all would teaches nightmare. And he was, no,
11:00
Speaker 1: it wasn't. I wasn't laughing. They got funny. You got
11:04
Speaker 1: funny here, Vicky. You're right, that should be pre marriage
11:07
Speaker 1: counseling that that help couples and break things down that
11:09
Speaker 1: that especially newly just don't know because there's so many
11:12
Speaker 1: things that I didn't know about him. Sure, Charlomade, and
11:14
Speaker 1: definitely we had no no, Vicky for real, No, you right,
11:17
Speaker 1: Vicky hung up, But you know, think about premn think
11:19
Speaker 1: about premarital counseling. Even though I do agree with Vicky,
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Speaker 1: you don't know what you're talking to the premarital counselor
11:25
Speaker 1: about because you haven't even encountered another of the issues
11:28
Speaker 1: that you're having your marriage, right, But the Premountain marital
11:30
Speaker 1: counselor's life, how was her relationship? You know what I'm saying,
11:34
Speaker 1: counsel But like you're talking about a counselor without the
11:39
Speaker 1: facts of science, right, Like it's again, I don't know
11:41
Speaker 1: how their relationship is. You don't know how the doctor doctor,
11:44
Speaker 1: if he's a hard doctor, he's gonna make sure your
11:45
Speaker 1: heart works. And a marriage counselor is like, I can't
11:49
Speaker 1: and shout out to all the marriage counsel I don't
11:51
Speaker 1: want to mess up nobody's business. But there's no scientific
11:54
Speaker 1: fact that's true, saying is right right, that's relationship, a
11:57
Speaker 1: marriage counselor, every everybody else, everybody saying it's all opinionated.
12:01
Speaker 1: It's like saying I hate this song, but then it
12:03
Speaker 1: turns into being a hid Sometimes the marriage counselor is
12:05
Speaker 1: just dare to be a conducted though, right, like because
12:07
Speaker 1: you're already having a problem communicate referee exactly if the
12:10
Speaker 1: marriage counselors on the guy side, the girl gonna trip
12:13
Speaker 1: on the marriage councilor no, but the marriage counselor should
12:15
Speaker 1: be a referee in the middle. That's letting both sides
12:17
Speaker 1: speak and both sides thoughts be hurt. But if one
12:19
Speaker 1: side and the marriage counselor knows that one side is
12:21
Speaker 1: right and the other one needs to work more on
12:23
Speaker 1: the right side, because then the wrong side gonna trip
12:26
Speaker 1: and say, let's get a new one that's on my side.
12:27
Speaker 1: I'm with you. If I had one wish, yeah, no doubt,
12:30
Speaker 1: no wish, take another call. But we can't. Oh, we
12:34
Speaker 1: need to drop this up. And and it's not raining today,
12:37
Speaker 1: so let's one wish is not gonna not pop off
12:40
Speaker 1: with that real rain a little X at the fake rain.
12:45
Speaker 1: But I still gave a little edge like two fifty
12:46
Speaker 1: to do the video work. Let's work it and you
12:48
Speaker 1: made it all back that the big working gold. Yeah, yeah,
12:52
Speaker 1: no doubt. I mean the whole album Win Gold Ray
12:54
Speaker 1: is still spending one which money don't get it twisted.
12:56
Speaker 1: The whole album Win Gold. I'm at you know twe
12:58
Speaker 1: ninety nine, Oh man, Well what's gonna let that story?
13:01
Speaker 1: I have to ask some more of the story is
13:03
Speaker 1: like you know, the independent. No, it's not to be
13:06
Speaker 1: independent when you're on the record. No marriage, you can't
13:09
Speaker 1: be independent. Get in trouble, right the trouble. You asked me,
13:13
Speaker 1: what did the record do? I said that, what's the
13:17
Speaker 1: moral of the story. Are they going to go be independent?
13:21
Speaker 1: I took overall this working y'all talking about marriage on
13:24
Speaker 1: the radio, and you said the moral stories to be independent? No,
13:26
Speaker 1: be independent for the music because we was like we're
13:29
Speaker 1: all over the place where like the topics, it's got
13:31
Speaker 1: going into in and out of stuff, and you know,
13:33
Speaker 1: I got ray d D. The moral of the story
13:36
Speaker 1: is that you know, there is work to be done
13:38
Speaker 1: after somebody is married, and don't be afraid to do
13:40
Speaker 1: that work. That's that goes without saying like we gotta
13:43
Speaker 1: go to like your kid gotta go to school, we
13:44
Speaker 1: gotta go to work. Of course, it's work to be
13:46
Speaker 1: done after the marriage. Yeah, the worst one y'all the couple.
13:48
Speaker 1: But first off, the work gotta be done after the
13:50
Speaker 1: ma I gotta get it in for a little while.
13:52
Speaker 1: We married, all right, when we come back, we got
13:55
Speaker 1: your room. Put it in. We just got married, so
13:57
Speaker 1: legally now we can have a good time. So let's
13:59
Speaker 1: spirit get that in for a little while and then
14:02
Speaker 1: if it's problems that pull up would deal with them.
14:04
Speaker 1: But right now, life is good. Let's live. Let's enjoy
14:06
Speaker 1: the wedding. After the wedding, let me, let me be
14:08
Speaker 1: in it and marinating it for at least a couple
14:11
Speaker 1: of weeks. Okay, at least when we come back and
14:17
Speaker 1: got rumors were talking Wendy Williams, I don't move. It's
14:20
Speaker 1: the Breakfast Cloak morning, said Wendy Williams, coming in here. No, no,
14:27
Speaker 1: it's the Breakfast Morning, the Breakfast Club.