Latest / The Keri Croft Show / You'll Support Women...Until They Make You Uncomfortable. (We Can Do So Much Better.)

Transcript

You'll Support Women...Until They Make You Uncomfortable. (We Can Do So Much Better.) · The Keri Croft Show

• 0:00
  Keri Croft: Hey there, you beautiful badass.
• 0:02
  Keri Croft: Badass.
• 0:03
  unknown: Badass.
• 0:05
  Keri Croft: Welcome to the Carrie Croft Show.
• 0:09
  Keri Croft: Welcome back, friend, to another solo cast with yours truly.
• 0:14
  Keri Croft: Hopefully it's quick and dirty.
• 0:16
  Keri Croft: Like I like to have my solo cast, you know, 20 minutes or less.
• 0:20
  Keri Croft: Last week we talked a little bit about Emma Greed, um, had a little rant there about the e-scooters, heard from some of you on that.
• 0:29
  Keri Croft: I'm still still a little bit perplexed there, but but I digress.
• 0:34
  Keri Croft: Today we're gonna stay on this train, though.
• 0:36
  Keri Croft: We're gonna stay on this women judging women train.
• 0:39
  Keri Croft: Because I like it here.
• 0:40
  Keri Croft: I like it here right now.
• 0:42
  Keri Croft: Because I saw something last week.
• 0:43
  Keri Croft: It was around the time actually that the M agreed and stuff started blowing up.
• 0:48
  Keri Croft: And there's this woman, her name is Lisa Oxenham, and she was in British Vogue.
• 0:54
  Keri Croft: And the title of the article that she wrote is Having a Baby at 49 was the most self-aware decision of my life.
• 1:00
  Keri Croft: And as she she starts talking about her experience with having a baby at 49 and just the judgment and the comment section, and people just feeling so inclined to jump into her comments and just tell her things like, you know, you're selfish, you should be ashamed of yourself, people are gonna think you're the grandma.
• 1:26
  Keri Croft: And a lot of these comments are coming from females and females who have never been in the shoes of someone who possibly either can't have a child until later because they've they're just trying and it's not working, or God forbid, they've just chosen, you know, their God-given right to choose and to have autonomy in this world to have a child later in life.
• 1:53
  Keri Croft: Taking a step back, because you can you can use what I'm about to tell you, you can plug this into anything, any sort of opinion situation.
• 2:02
  Keri Croft: But what I've learned throughout life, and I think part of it is with age, but another part of this really came for me when I did have the devastating things that happened when I was trying to conceive.
• 2:17
  Keri Croft: So when we lost Angel at, you know, 22 weeks and my life fell apart, and I watched all of my friends continue to have these successful pregnancies and become moms.
• 2:30
  Keri Croft: I learned very quickly during that situation, you know, life does not revolve around me.
• 2:36
  Keri Croft: A.
• 2:37
  Keri Croft: And then B, there are different lenses that we can choose to put on situations.
• 2:44
  Keri Croft: The positive thing that going through really hard shit gives you, if you allow it, is perspective, is grace.
• 2:51
  Keri Croft: It's the ability to go, huh, you know what?
• 2:54
  Keri Croft: I I've been there, not the same exact situation, but I can feel and remember how I felt.
• 3:00
  Keri Croft: And so I'm going to either not judge the situation, give it grace.
• 3:06
  Keri Croft: And it never ceases to amaze me how people who have never been in a situation, who have no understanding, no perspective, no life experience to back it up, but are so quick and so reflexive to judge another's experience.
• 3:27
  Keri Croft: And I just, you know, I'm here to let you know all the people that want to judge and all the people want to shame and be in the comment section because you think you know what's right for another woman in her life on her path.
• 3:42
  Keri Croft: It is okay and completely appropriate for you to shut the fuck up.
• 3:49
  Keri Croft: And I mean that in with all due respect.
• 3:54
  Keri Croft: If you have not walked in someone's shoes and you don't know what it's like to experience something, step aside.
• 4:04
  Keri Croft: Step aside.
• 4:05
  Keri Croft: And that's what I've learned through my life experience and through loss and through struggle.
• 4:11
  Keri Croft: And so it doesn't even matter, like back to Lisa and her decision to have a baby at 49.
• 4:17
  Keri Croft: It doesn't matter.
• 4:18
  Keri Croft: Like, let's say she just decided that she put her career first.
• 4:22
  Keri Croft: She was in her 30s and she was thriving and things were happening and she didn't meet the right person.
• 4:27
  Keri Croft: And so all of a sudden, she's in her mid-40s and she's deciding she wants to have a baby.
• 4:32
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 4:32
  Keri Croft: That's no skin off your ass.
• 4:35
  Keri Croft: That is her path to take.
• 4:37
  Keri Croft: You know, that is her journey.
• 4:39
  Keri Croft: Why do you care?
• 4:41
  Keri Croft: Why are you so up in the comment section about it when you have no vantage point?
• 4:47
  Keri Croft: So let's say that's the scenario.
• 4:49
  Keri Croft: Fine.
• 4:50
  Keri Croft: That is her right.
• 4:52
  Keri Croft: This is America.
• 4:53
  Keri Croft: She can do whatever the fuck she wants to do.
• 4:55
  Keri Croft: Number two, let's say she did struggle.
• 4:58
  Keri Croft: Let's say she didn't have success having a baby and it took her that long to have one.
• 5:04
  Keri Croft: Have you gone through that?
• 5:05
  Keri Croft: Do you know?
• 5:07
  Keri Croft: Do you know the struggle?
• 5:08
  Keri Croft: Do you know the shame?
• 5:09
  Keri Croft: Do you know that every single day that it's hard for you to think of anything else?
• 5:16
  Keri Croft: Every single second of every day of your life is consumed with trying to conceive this child, trying to get your body to do this thing that Mother Nature is allowing everyone else around you to do so beautifully.
• 5:31
  Keri Croft: Do you know what that feels like?
• 5:33
  Keri Croft: If you don't, shut the fuck up.
• 5:35
  Keri Croft: Like I just, I am so annoyed with this performative women supporting women type shit.
• 5:48
  Keri Croft: I see it all the time.
• 5:49
  Keri Croft: And most of the time, it's completely surface level.
• 5:54
  Keri Croft: And, you know, whether it's, yeah, I'll support you, as long as you're riding the line that I think you should be writing, and then you're making these decisions that fall in line with my perspective, my lens of the world, then we're cool.
• 6:06
  Keri Croft: I think the real way you support and show up for another woman is to step back and say, huh, well, there's a there's an audacious decision that Lisa made to have a baby at 49.
• 6:20
  Keri Croft: So, number one, let's get curious.
• 6:23
  Keri Croft: Let's understand her story and try to figure out like, wow, what would make somebody decide to have a baby at 49?
• 6:29
  Keri Croft: Peel it back, get curious, you know, and look around, by the way.
• 6:34
  Keri Croft: Look around.
• 6:35
  Keri Croft: There are so many women right now choosing to have children in their 40s.
• 6:42
  Keri Croft: So, and I am gonna argue this as a mom who had a child at 44, as a mom who had another one via surrogate at 48, there are parts of me as a mother that are, I mean, in spades, well beyond in terms of my wisdom, um, not my patience, let's be honest.
• 7:06
  Keri Croft: But I think whether I was 20 or 90, that is not something I was given a huge dose of, still working on it.
• 7:13
  Keri Croft: Experience in life, not taking things so freaking seriously.
• 7:18
  Keri Croft: Like, you know, if if if everything that hits their lips isn't organic, the whole world is gonna implode and I'm gonna melt onto the floor.
• 7:28
  Keri Croft: You know, it's like all these things we wrap ourselves up around the axle over as as moms, you know, I feel like you loosen that up a little bit.
• 7:36
  Keri Croft: So there's a there's a version of me and motherhood that my kids are getting right now that they wouldn't otherwise get.
• 7:45
  Keri Croft: And yes, am I ignorant to the fact that time is not necessarily on my side?
• 7:51
  Keri Croft: I am not ignorant to the fact.
• 7:53
  Keri Croft: In fact, as most moms uh in general, but even like the older moms, you do it every day.
• 8:00
  Keri Croft: You you do the math in your head every day, if you're me.
• 8:03
  Keri Croft: Yep, I'm still gonna be X years old when they're graduating from high school.
• 8:07
  Keri Croft: Yep, I'm gonna be.
• 8:09
  Keri Croft: Yeah, but that's not your place to judge.
• 8:12
  Keri Croft: That's my path, my decision, and I have to walk that to fruition.
• 8:17
  Keri Croft: That's not for you to put your critical judgmental lens on.
• 8:22
  Keri Croft: Like back off.
• 8:24
  Keri Croft: Back the fuck off.
• 8:27
  Keri Croft: Seriously, until I get a little bit passionate about this conversation.
• 8:32
  Keri Croft: And so circling back to Emma Greed from last week's solo cast, like something else that was that was talked about, I watched the her her podcast with Oprah, and she said this multiple times, and she's not wrong.
• 8:45
  Keri Croft: You know, we are in desperate need of more females in powerful positions in today's world.
• 8:51
  Keri Croft: We are desperate for women in power positions.
• 8:56
  Keri Croft: And so if you're a woman, instead of looking at somebody like Emma Greed or looking at someone like Lisa and just immediately pushing to judgment because it's different than what your expectations of life are or what you think it should be, or your belief system, you are literally a speck of shit dust.
• 9:16
  Keri Croft: Do I need to remind you of that?
• 9:18
  Keri Croft: That you're a speck of shithust in the world?
• 9:20
  Keri Croft: Like, who cares what you think?
• 9:22
  Keri Croft: Who cares?
• 9:23
  Keri Croft: When did we all get so like like that our opinion on everything is so important?
• 9:28
  Keri Croft: It's not.
• 9:28
  Keri Croft: It is, it is not.
• 9:30
  Keri Croft: But as a woman, shouldn't you at the at least, shouldn't you at least be excited about the prospect of women kind of waking up, taking ownership, um, doing the things that maybe they were afraid to do before, having financial conversations, making big moves in the boardroom, not asking for permission, not hiding behind soft ambition, having the tough conversations, aren't you kind of like slow clapping?
• 9:58
  Keri Croft: How can we not all just slow clap for each other?
• 10:03
  Keri Croft: I like I don't understand that.
• 10:05
  Keri Croft: If you are someone who's like judging or getting so quick and so self-righteous on this like pedestal that you're on, again, like I am going to invite you cordially invite you to shut the fuck up.
• 10:21
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 10:22
  Keri Croft: So anyway, I'm I'm off my soapbox, but I feel very passionately about this.
• 10:27
  Keri Croft: Like, let's not just say it, let's not pretend and be performative about it.
• 10:33
  Keri Croft: Let's literally support each other in the ways that matter.
• 10:40
  Keri Croft: Um, and all come, you know, all at least agree that we do need more women in powerful positions, that it is smart for women to be more bold and more audacious and more able to have conversations that maybe, you know, in the past were too scary or they were kind of, you know, too afraid to have.
• 11:02
  Keri Croft: And that is the world I want to live in.
• 11:04
  Keri Croft: And it's actually the community that I am really trying hard to create here is having a very tight-knit group of women, builders and you know, business women and you know, ballers that like want to just come together and learn from each other and riff off of one another and amplify and connect and inspire, not judge, not like, you know, just all the catty nonsense, just really truly seeing the value in the other woman.
• 11:39
  Keri Croft: And I think the more confident that you are with yourself and your life experience and what essence you can bring into the room, the more confident you are, the more able you are to connect with another woman and to see what they have inside and what they've got going on and to let them know, you know, and there's nothing, that's the vibration that I want to be on.
• 12:03
  Keri Croft: And that's the vibration that you should want to be on.
• 12:06
  Keri Croft: And so I'm gonna, I'm just gonna end this just with a little, you know, question for you, I guess, is like, are you that person?
• 12:14
  Keri Croft: Are you the woman who, you know, feels strong enough inside, confident enough, that knows who you are, has a relationship with yourself, can really articulate what you bring to the table, the essence that you bring that's very unique, that's very specific, like a fingerprint.
• 12:34
  Keri Croft: What is your unique essence and badassery?
• 12:38
  Keri Croft: And if you can do that and you can really think about that, and it gets you really fired up to think about what this specific thing is you bring into the world, because by the way, it's okay to do that.
• 12:49
  Keri Croft: Oh my God, she thinks she's so awesome.
• 12:51
  Keri Croft: She, I hope you think you're awesome.
• 12:54
  Keri Croft: I hope you think you're awesome.
• 12:56
  Keri Croft: You're walking around with yourself until the end of time, until you're gone.
• 13:01
  Keri Croft: So, like, I really hope you like yourself, because if you don't, it's gonna be a pretty shitty ride.
• 13:06
  Keri Croft: If you are someone who can do that, articulate that about yourself, then you are also someone who can walk into a room full of other women who can do that and not feel slighted and not feel threatened and not feel like, ooh, what's going on over here?
• 13:23
  Keri Croft: It's like, no, hell yes.
• 13:25
  Keri Croft: Hell yes, queen.
• 13:26
  Keri Croft: Let's bring all that together and let's see what happens.
• 13:29
  Keri Croft: Let's shimmy and shake in the badassery.
• 13:32
  Keri Croft: You know, so ask yourself, are you the person who can do that or not?
• 13:36
  Keri Croft: And if you're not, let's figure out a way for you to be, you know, and that's why I have these 15-minute calls on my my link in my bio.
• 13:46
  Keri Croft: Like, if you're not, let's have a conversation.
• 13:50
  Keri Croft: I mean, I would love to get underneath why, because I guarantee we could find some things about you that are very special and that only you can bring into the world.
• 14:01
  Keri Croft: And so if you're not seeing that or if you need a new perspective, I am your girl, boo.
• 14:06
  Keri Croft: You know, but please don't continue to walk around in that mid-meh, like low vibration state.
• 14:12
  Keri Croft: Life is too short and you got too much good shit going on, girl.
• 14:16
  Keri Croft: Seriously.
• 14:17
  Keri Croft: And if you're hanging out with a crowd of people who are mid and you're like, ooh, but I don't want to stick out because Becky and Amy and Sarah, fuck them.
• 14:27
  Keri Croft: Like, truly fuck them.
• 14:28
  Keri Croft: If they're mid and they're just there to kind of keep you down, you gotta break out, honey.
• 14:34
  Keri Croft: You've got to break out.
• 14:36
  Keri Croft: And once you break on through to the other side, you I promise you one thing, you will not regret it.
• 14:42
  Keri Croft: Set up a call with me.
• 14:43
  Keri Croft: And if you know any other badasses, so I am like a magnet for badassery.
• 14:48
  Keri Croft: I want founders, uh, I want these people who are building things, making things, creating things, very unique creatures.
• 14:56
  Keri Croft: And I know they're everywhere in Columbus.
• 14:57
  Keri Croft: I mean, we had a ton of them at the IRL, and I've been having 15-minute calls literally all week long with these women, and it has been so freaking exciting.
• 15:06
  Keri Croft: So if you are someone or you know someone who you think fits that mold and would be uh a fit to be enveloped into this amazing vortex that we have building here, I would love, love to talk to you.
• 15:22
  Keri Croft: Another thing, if you get anything out of this show, this podcast, please share it with a friend.
• 15:27
  Keri Croft: Don't hoard it.
• 15:29
  Keri Croft: Pass it on.
• 15:30
  Keri Croft: Uh, please rate the show.
• 15:31
  Keri Croft: Truly, I hope that something out of this conversation resonated with you.
• 15:36
  Keri Croft: I hope that you'll reach out to me and set up a call.
• 15:38
  Keri Croft: You have no idea how many people have set up calls with me.
• 15:42
  Keri Croft: I have no idea who they are.
• 15:43
  Keri Croft: I love seeing the names come through.
• 15:45
  Keri Croft: And I cannot wait.
• 15:46
  Keri Croft: I cannot wait to get to know you.
• 15:49
  Keri Croft: Like right now, I have no idea who you are.
• 15:51
  Keri Croft: If you set up a call, next thing you know, you don't know what kind of magic we can make.
• 15:55
  Keri Croft: At a minimum, I can give you some tough love, a pep talk, and a slap in the ass.
• 15:59
  Keri Croft: You will not regret it.
• 16:01
  Keri Croft: I think that's about it today.
• 16:02
  Keri Croft: I'm gonna need a nap after that soapbox.
• 16:05
  Keri Croft: And until next time, keep moving, baby.
• 16:08
  Keri Croft: Oh, and one more thing.
• 16:09
  Keri Croft: I know I've given you a whole laundry list here, but if you have a little time today and you think about it, follow us on YouTube.
• 16:14
  Keri Croft: That would be so great.
• 16:16
  Keri Croft: And keep moving, baby.