Latest / Beautifully Complex / 327: How Animal Instincts Signal What's Underlying Behavior, with Penny Williams

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327: How Animal Instincts Signal What's Underlying Behavior, with Penny Williams · Beautifully Complex

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: It's not perfection, it's not precision, it's not saying just
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: the right thing. It's matching the need. We're getting a
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: signal of need through that animal instinct, and we need
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: to match that signal that we're getting. Welcome to Beautifully Complex,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: where we unpack what it really means to parent neurodivergent
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: kids with dignity and clarity. I'm Penny Williams, and I
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: know firsthand how tough and transformative this journey can be.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in and discover how to raise regulated, resilient,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: beautifully complex kids together. Oh and if you want more support,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: join our free community at hub dot beautifully complex dot life.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Let's start by taking a breath together in out. Now,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: imagine this. Your child is melting down before school, and
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: every tool you reach for slips through your fingers. You
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: hear the clock, you see the backpack, you feel your
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: body tense up. It's tempting to label that moment defiance
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: of reaction, attention seeking. But what if, what if what
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: you're seeing isn't a character flaw. What if it's nature
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: speaking Today we're talking about animal instincts, your child's built
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: in survival system, and how decoding, it changes everything. We
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: all have the same built in survival system. So this
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: isn't just about our kids. It's also about us, the
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: adults in their lives. Because behavior isn't the problem, it's
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: the signal. Behavior isn't the problem. It's the signal, and
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: when you learn to follow it, you change the story
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: for your entire family. I like to teach this through
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: four animal guides. Loomy the owl is a steady, watchful
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: state where learning and connection are possible. Prickles the porcupine
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: is our fight response, where energy surges outward like quills,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: that instinctual putting up the quills, putting up a barrier
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: of protection. Right. The cheetah is our flight response, where
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: energy sprints away from the threat. We are running, we're fleeing,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: and tuck the possum is the freeze or shut down response,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: where stillness protects and conserves. These aren't just cute metaphors.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: They're a shared language for what the nervous system is
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: doing underneath the behavior. Those roots that you can't always see,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: thriving starts in the nervous system for all of us,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: for us, for our kids, every human. Once you can
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: spot the state you can support the child. Here's the
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: quiet truth. Our kid's behavior often makes perfect sense once
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: you dig deeper and you understand their body's alarm system.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: You're not raising a problem to fix. You're raising a
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: nervous system to understand. When we parent with signal parenting,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: seeing behavior as a signal rather than a problem, we
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: stop wrestling with the surface and we start tending the roots.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: We're digging deeper and we're finding out what is fueling
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this behavior, why is it happening. Regulation unlocks relief and
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: growth keeps that relief and momentum going. Today, I'm going
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: to give you clear snapshots of each animal, how to
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: spot the animal, what it needs, what to say, and
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: some tiny adjustments that make big differences. You can also
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: take the Animal Instincts quiz and find out which animal
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: instinct is most present for your kid and what it means,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: and get strategies specific for that animal that instinctual response
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: that will help you with your particular kid. That's at
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: parentingadhdan Autism dot com slash quiz. So let's start with
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: looking at Loomy, the state we're aiming to visit as
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: often as possible. No one is regulated all the time,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: so we cannot be loomy all the time. Loomy sounds
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: like curiosity. Loomy looks like a relaxed jaw, a steady breath,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: and it feels like I can try, I can do this.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: This is when your child can collaborate, They can problem solve,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: and they can reflect. To invite loomy, invite regulation. Keep
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: routines rhythmic, not rigid. Offer choices with boundaries. You might say, first, backpack,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: then your song in the car. You can use visual
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: anchors like a simple morning routine card, a feeling's thermometer,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: or a feel need do bullseye. For example, project transition
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: time like treasure, a five minute warm up can change
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the entire morning. Try it today by saying this, your
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: body looks settled. Want to pick the blue marker or
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: the green one to check off your list with prickles.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Prickles shows up when your child's system says stand your ground.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: You might see tight fists. They might be speaking with
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: fast words. They might raise their voice, have a louder voice.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: The face might have a prickly expression. Before you even
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: say it, this isn't disrespect, it's defense. It's the nervous
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: system saying I don't feel safe and I'm going to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: fight to protect myself. Prickles need space and sturdy presence.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: You're the tall tree in a windstorm. You might bend
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: a little bit. You're not going to break. You're not
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: going to snap. Predictable exits for energy. You can do
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: a wall, push chair squishes, carry something that's really heavy
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: with weight, chew on something crunchy, or tap a drum.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Get a drum beat going, and you want clear and
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: fewer words. This is really important, folks. When your kid
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: is disregulated, which prickles and bolt and tuck are all disregulated.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: If you have a disregulated kid, you need less talking.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: You're a Onions are going to be gasoline for pickles.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: You are going to escalate the situation. Something You might say,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I'm here, your body feels big, Let's give it a
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: job to do wall push for account of ten, I'll
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: count with you. We'll talk when words feel safe again.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I'll stay close again. You need to know your kid.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: If your kid doesn't want you to stay close when
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: they're pickles, then you can say I'm going to go
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: in the other room, but I'm here if you need
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: me right, So tweaking it. However you can for your
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: specific kid. These are general ideas to tweak the environment
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: for prickles. You can keep something you might call a
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: strength station. It might have therapy putty, those hand grippers
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: that exercise hands, yoga mat, a heavy book to hold,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: or maybe some little at home weights to hold, something
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: that has some real heft to it. Decide of time
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: a signal for getting a break from conversation. Maybe it's
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: a handover a heart. Maybe you have a card that
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: says I need to pause. Maybe you just tug on
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: your ear and that's a signal between you that a
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: break is needed from the conversation. It doesn't mean that
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: you can't come back to it. It just means there
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: needs to be a break at that moment, and then
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: you want to repair later. Repair happens when Loomy returns.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: You could say your body was protecting you. What did
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: it need right before Prickles showed up. Then you're getting
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: to the root of what the need was. What was
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: that behavior signaling, Because it's signaling a need. When we
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: have bolt, the cheetah bolt says get me out of here,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: you'll see maybe darting eyes looking for exits like fidgeting
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: hand maybe kicking of the legs, avoidance, avoidance as a
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: big one, humor as a shield, or speed. Maybe they're moving,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: talking or thinking really really fast. It isn't irresponsibility. They're
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: not trying to get out of doing something. It's escape
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: for self preservation. Bolt needs exit options without punishment, exit
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: options without punishment, movement that organizes but doesn't overwhelm. A
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: short run to the mailbox, scootering down the hallway. Maybe
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: at school they get to deliver this note. Job they
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: need to take a note to the office or to
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: the guidance Counselor you're going to narrow things down one
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: step and then a reset. You could say something like,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: your legs want to go, let's give them a safe
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: path mailbox and back. We'll do the first line together
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: and then take a break. Or it's okay to take space.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I'll be by the door when you're ready. No pressure.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: We never want a pressure. When kins are disregulated, it
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: only makes them more disregulated. Environmental tweaks for BOLT could
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: be a visible sort of safe lane for transitions. Maybe
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: you put some tape on the floor from the bedroom
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: to the bathroom, or you do a hop and spot path.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You might tape out a cozy corner timer's your child
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: controls can be a good tool, but your child needs
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: to control it. You might say press start when your
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: body says I'm readyish right, don't have to be all
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: the way ready, But when they're starting to feel more ready,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: they can set a timer for how much longer they
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: think it might take. The timer goes off and they're
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: still not ready, that's okay, and you need to offer
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: that language and that permission as well. Again, as with
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: every state of dysregulation, we want to repair later when
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: loomy returns. When your feet wanted to run, what felt
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: like it was too much? How can we make that
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: smaller next time? How can we make that doable next time?
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: And then finally we have Tuck. Tuck is our quiet protector,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: our possum. It might look like stillness, blank, stares, a
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: soft I don't know, or I'm fine when they're really not.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: It's not laziness. It's conservation, conservation of energy and self protection. Again,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: what Tuck needs is safety without demand, warmth through the senses,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: something that sounds or smells or feels cozy, maybe a
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: weighted lappad soft lighting, familiar sense. Sometimes they don't have
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to be a cozy scent, but if they're familiar, they're soothing,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and of course a low demand presence. Start very very small.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: When a kid is in that tuck state of freeze
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: or shut down. Just think about the first millimeter. You
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: might say, I see the stillness. We can be slow.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I'll sit here, tap my knee when you want some water,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: or let's start with the tiniest step. Cap off the marker.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: That's all you have to do to tweak the environment
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: for a kid who often is disregulated into this freezer
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: shut down state. You can create a soft corner. Might
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: have a lower cozy chair, a knitted blanket or soft blanket,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: noise reducing headphones or ear muffs, maybe one single fidget
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: or regulation tool. And you want to keep language visible.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Write one word, point to one thing, nod to one thing,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: or nod in agreement, and then again repairing later when
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: loomy returns. You might say, your body got quiet to
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: protect you. Which part felt safest, the blanket, the corner,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: the quiet. Let's remember that for next time. Remember that
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: a kid who is in that freeze or shut down state,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: tuck the possum. They may look compliant, and they may
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: look like everything is okay, and it is not internally,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So you need to learn how to spot when a
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: kid isn't just being compliant, they're actually disregulated and not
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: doing well and they need some help. If you've been
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: listening for a while, you're familiar with my back to
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: School prep Week, where I set neurodivergent kids and their
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: families up for success right when the school year starts.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: There's another podcast that will help you navigate the rest
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: of the school year. It's called Opportunity Gap, and it's
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: all about special education. Let's be real, all those acronyms
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: alone I EP five, oh four, FBA, BP can be overwhelming.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: All you want is for your kid to have the
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: opportunity for success. Right you'll hear from special educators, child psychologists,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: and other learning experts who know their stuff and give
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you realistic advocacy tools. I listened to Opportunity Gap and
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I was blown away. Julian Savedra and his guests break
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: it down in simple terms, highlight where to focus your energy,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: and give you simple steps to advocate efficiently. So if
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you've ever walked out of a school meeting, wondering what
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: just happened. Go search for opportunity gap in your podcast app.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: That's opportunity gap. When you're unsure about what animal instinct
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: there might be, you can sort of scan some things
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: quickly and get a good idea. When we think about
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: the eyes, if the eyes are locked on you, that's
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: probably fight. That's prickles. If the eyes are scanning exits,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: that might be Bolt looking to flee. If eyes are
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: sort of glazed or not really focused on something, that
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: could be tuck the possum in that free state. If
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: the eyes are engaged, then they might be loomy, and
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: they might be regulated. With the breath, they're often in
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: fight or flight, like Prickles or Bolt. If their breath
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: is fast or high. If you can barely tell that
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: their breathing, if it's really shallow or really quiet, they
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: may be in that freeze state. If the breath is steady,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: then we're back with loomy the owl who's regulated. We
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: can take a look at our kids' muscles and try
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: to determine what state they're in. If the muscles are
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: coiled or maybe clinched right, that's fight, that's prickles. If
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: they're springy or edgy, they're kind of, you know, ready
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: to get moving. You can sort of tell that, and
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: that would be flight bo't the cheetah. If they seem
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: sort of heavy, that is the freeze state. And if
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: they seem flexible, ready to move to whatever might be
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: happening to adapt to the situation, they're probably regulated like loomy.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: We can also get some clues through our kid's words.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Sharp words are that fight sense, rapid or avoidant words
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: are going to be flight, flat or no talking or
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: language or intonation might be freeze. And then if a
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: kid seems curious, then they're regulated because it feels safe
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: to be curious, and that would be loomy. They could
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: have sort of this different protest style that would signal
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: different nervous system states. If they sort of push back
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: in protest, that's fight. If they sort of move away,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: if they try to avoid, that's often flight shut down.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: If they just completely don't engage in protest, then we're
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: in that freeze or shut down state. And if they
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: try to negotiate, they might be loomy. They might be
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: regulated and able to have this conversation and to take
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: some risk within that conversation, name the animal that comes
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: to mind first, and then meet that state on purpose.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: With intention, I'm going to paint a scene that I
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: think many of us know. Getting out in the door
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: in the morning and your child is refusing to put
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: on socks or shoes or both. You're feeling the time crusher.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: You're feeling that your own animal is starting to get
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: keyed up inside of you. And you might at some
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: point in time yell or snap, put shoes on now.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: But we need to shift that right because we're understanding
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: that that behavior isn't necessarily intention, it's a nervous system response,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: it's a signal. So our new script might be I'm
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: going to spot the state. Are those quills, are they
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: fast feet, are they quiet eyes? Which animal instinct might
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: have taken control at this moment for my kid today.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Let's say, for example, it's bolt, eyes are scanning, toes
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: are tapping. You might kneel to lower the social load,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: get closer to eye level. You don't have to insist
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: on eye contact. You don't need to get in your
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: kid's space if that's not comfortable for them. But if
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: you get more on the same level, it's going to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: reduce the social load. You might say, it looks like
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: your legs want to move. Let's race just to the
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: shoes by the door, ready set, And your kid might
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: already be running because that's what their nervous system is
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: already telling them that they need to be doing. Then
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: once they get to the shoes, you might offer some choices.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Do you want velcro er slip ons today? Do you
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: want boots or sneakers? And then your nervous system stays
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: with them, sort of like a lighthouse or an anchor.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Shoes happen not because you engaged in a battle, not
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: because you won the power of control, but because you
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: followed those signals with what your kid needed and what
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: was going on internally for them. That's the shift. It's
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: not perfection, it's not precision, it's not saying just the
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: right thing. It's matching the need. We're getting a signal
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: of need through that animal instinct, and we need to
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: match that signal that we're getting. Here's some alternatives that
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: meet each animal without inflaming it, without escalating that dysregulation.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: So instead of saying stop yelling, try your voice is big,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Let's give it a job. Roar into the pillow five times,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: or instead of don't walk away from me, try take
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: ten steps to the wall, touch it and come back.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I'll count for you. Or instead of answer me you're
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: not listening, answer me, I'll put my hand here and
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: wait with you. You might put your hand on their shoulder,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: blink if you think a drink of cold water would help.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Instead of saying use your words, which oh my gosh,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I said to my kids a million times because that's
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: what the parenting books tell you to do, but it's
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: not so helpful. So we're not going to say use
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: your words. We're going to try saying point to yes
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: or no. We'll start there. You might say thumbs up
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: for us, thumbs down for no. These aren't loopholes. Their
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: nervous system savvy pathways back to connection, choice capacity, which
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: is regulation. We can't ignore our own instincts either. We
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: have the same nervous system. Maybe your porcupine pops up
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: when a teach, your emails or the phone rings and
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: you're pretty sure it's going to be the school calling.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Maybe your cheatah sprints when the morning slips away. Maybe
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: your possum goes quiet after a tough argument in an
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: IEP meeting. Here's a compassionate rhythm that I want you
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: to practice. Spot your state without judgment. My quills are out,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: not oh my gosh, I'm angry and I shouldn't be angry,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: and shame on me. Right, No blame and shame, just stating,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: matter of factly, my quills are out. Then give your
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: body a job, a wall push, you can pace in
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: a loop, you can wash your hands in cold water.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: You might hum, and then narrate safety. You can narrate
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: in your head. You don't have to say it out loud,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: but you need to narrate safety. I can be the
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: tall tree. I don't have to solve this in one breath.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: This is temporary. Then choose the smallest next right thing.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: It's all about small steps. The message to yourself is
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: the message you give your child. You are not broken.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: You are a dap. You don't need a full overhaul. Folks,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: choose one tiny action and repeat it until it sticks.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe in the morning, preview, which animal do you think
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: might show up this morning? What would help it to
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: feel safe? Maybe a doorway reset. You put your hand
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: to your heart at the thresholds of your doorways, bedroom
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: to kitchen, car, to school and exhale once together, you
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: could do a strengths station. Put two regulating tools where
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: the friction often lives. Is it by the backpack hook?
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Is it near the homework spot. Keep these tools ready
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: in places where they might be useful, so they can
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: be used before we get to intensive dysregulation. You could
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: do a loomy check in at bedtime. When did your
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: owl visit today? When did you feel like loomy? And
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: then let their brain tag safety before they sleep. That's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: a good part of the day if they were regulated.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Small hinges swing big doors. We can take small steps
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: to make big change. Repair doesn't require lectures. It doesn't
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: require consequences nor punishments. It just asks for reflection and rehearsal. Also,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: you might think ritual there then you can reflect what
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: did your body feel first? Was it hot? Hands? Fast, feed?
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Heavy chest? You can give them options, but don't assume
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: that you know the answer. Let your kid decide and
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: then name the need that sounds like prickles needed a
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: job to do, and you might model that for them.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Stand up, push the wall together, count to five, and
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: then high five. There's always bonus points, always more movement
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: in the right direction with coregulation model it do it together,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: and then you want to appreciate effort. Always appreciate effort.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: You noticed really early, that's brave work. That was a
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: really great job. You noticed that prickles was lingering and
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: wanted to come out, and you reached into your bag
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: of tools. You reached into your toolbox and you did
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: something that was going to help you. We are one
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: thousand percent not chasing compliance. This is not about compliance
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: in any way, shape or form. We're building capacity because
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: that's the kind of growth that lasts. Some days, even
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: the best strategies aren't going to work, folks, Some days
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: none of this is going to work, and it's just
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: a day where there wasn't enough capacity. It's not because
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: you did it wrong. It's because the nervous systems are living,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: breathing things, and this world can be a lot for
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: any of us, and it can especially be a lot
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: for neurodivergent kids. On those days, those days when none
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: of this works and it's just so hard, your one
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: and only job is to be present. You can't always
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: change the weather, but you can be the anchor in
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: the storm. You can be that steady presence. But You're
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: also allowed to take a beat, you can spend a
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: few extra minutes in the bathroom. You're allowed to ask
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: your kid for a do over. You're allowed to be
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: a human being in front of your little human and
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I encourage it. I am one hundred percent for making
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: sure that your kids see that you are human too.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: That vulnerability doesn't weaken your authority. It deepens your connection,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: and the connection is the cornerstone of everything. Animal instincts
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: are kind of giving us a compass. Lommy reminds us
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: of what's possible, Prickles shows us the strength beneath the spikes.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Bolt teaches us that movement is wisdom, not misbehavior, and
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Tuck tells us that silence is protection, not defiance. And you,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: the parent, are the steady guide who sees those roots.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: You're seeing what's underneath, and you are nurturing and caring
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: for that. If you want a simple way to discover
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: your kid's most common state and get tailored strategies, you
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: can take the animal Instincts quiz that I mentioned earlier.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: This is for all ages, not just for young kids.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: You don't have to talk to your kid with this
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: animal language. You can use the other language. So instead
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: of prickles you know your your porcupines coming out, you
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: can just say you're getting prickly that part of your
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: nervous system is trying to protect you. So this is
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: for all ages. The quiz is Parenting ADHD and Autism
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: dot Com slash quiz. It's quick, less than five minutes,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: it's free, and I designed it to help you spot
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: the state and meet the need without the constant guesswork.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: If you're ready to go deeper, there's always the Regulated
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Kids Project, which gives you a rhythm of growth, community
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: support and tools that actually fit real life. Because I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: know thriving starts in the nervous system and that regulation
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: and emotional intelligence lead to thriving. There is no other path.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you all for being here for listening today. If
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: this episode gave you a little breath of possibility, I
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: hope you'll share it with a friend or a family
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: member who might need that same big exhale. If you're
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: loving the show, it helps so much when you and
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: leave a review. That's how more families can find this support.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I'll see you in the next episode. Take good care,
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I see you. You're doing hard and meaningful work. And
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: you don't have to do it alone. If you found
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: and leave a quick review so others can find this
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: support too. When you're ready for next steps, the Regulated
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Kid's Project is here with the tools, coaching, and community
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Get
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: more info at regulated kids dot com.