Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #Ep 198 Back To School Success with Gen Muir

Transcript

#Ep 198 Back To School Success with Gen Muir · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: As the kids head back to school, parents, here's a question,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: are you all ready.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: To boost your little ones reading skills?
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: I don't know, as that sounds like it's in the
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: too hard basket.
• 0:08
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• 0:12
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• 0:15
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• 0:19
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• 0:22
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• 0:25
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• 0:26
  Speaker 3: A focus on phonics, vocabulary and comprehension. ABC Reading Eggs
• 0:30
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• 0:34
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• 0:37
  Speaker 2: in weeks. That's the dream.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: So, as a head back to class, give your kids
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: the reading edge they need with ABC Reading Eggs.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Check it out now and make this school year their
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: best one yet.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Head to Reading Eggs dot com dot au forward slash
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: two DD for your thirty day free trial.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Fantastic news, Matt, The summer holidays are coming to an
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: end very soon finally, and before we know it, we'll
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: be back packing lunches and dropping those kids.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Off bye for some sweet relief. As they returned to
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: the classroom.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: I've got to pack lunches for two little ones. I've
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: got Marley and Lola.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I've been doing that all last year.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: You got to bring her lunch.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got to pack her lunch.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: You're an idiot for booking a daycare that you have
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: to bring their lunch. That's your first mistake, dude.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: It's like free. It's a free daycare.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, what's a competition.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Well, and this year she goes three days, so that's
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: three lunches.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Little Lola. We're not going to have daddy daughter days
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: on Thursdays anymore. She is about to start KINDI for
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: the first time, and she is full of emotions. She's
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: a little bit nervous, as she's told me, she's very
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: excited at the same time because she's now going to
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: be a big kid. But it's really tricky as parent
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: to know how we can best navigate through this journey
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: to this big transition for them.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Good news is we bought our favorite parenting educator, Jen
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Muer the Oracle.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: The Oracle.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: She's back back to give us some tips and how
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to give our kids the best start to the year
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: and what not to do.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: When things go pear shaped.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Plus, she has some amazing hacks that'll keep you laughing
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: with your kids all the way to the gate, including
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: the magic word that can turn any frown upside down.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, the I Wonder trick, and I wondered if it worked.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I've used it.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I wonder if you'll enjoy this episode. Have a listen.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: She's returned.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: But my name is Mattie Jay.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: It is great to have you back.
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: I'm excited to be here.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Can I just say thank you?
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, from both of these, thank you, very thank you.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: We are, of course doing a back to school special,
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: which for me is very important because my little Lolla,
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: my little Lola, is starting school. I'm nervous.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Is there a mix of emotions?
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah. When we talked about a little while ago, she
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: had a graduation from daycare, and I didn't think second
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: time round I would get as emotional as I did
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: with Marley. But just as much.
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't believe it. And I think the reason
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: why I'm more nervous about Lola is because we were
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: very safe, cautious with Marley. We were held her back
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: for another year. So she was pretty old by the
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: time she started school, and so it was just it
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: was a breeze for her. The orientation days we have
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: those little sessions, we hand them over. She was like,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: can you not I can hold my hand?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I remember that.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Actually yea, You're like you can leave now, and I was.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: I was there trying to make it as an easy
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: transition as possible, and.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: She was just like, I got here.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she was good. You were like trying to make
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: it easy for you.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: I was there crying in the car and she was
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: just like, I can hear.
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: For Lola.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: We had that real question of yeah, should we send
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: her or should we hold her back for another year?
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: And then we've decided, and then you.
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: Had a third baby and you're like, they're.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: All going together.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: They make the right age. And my dog as well
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: as like, what am I doing here? I would love
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: to know from your perspective, how can I make this
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: transition for Lola as easy and as seamless as possible.
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: So there's a few.
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: Things we can definitely do in the lead up, but
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: also in those early weeks.
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: One of the biggest.
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: Things is practicing the basics and talking as much as
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: possible about the real.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: Practicalities of it, and what I mean by practice.
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: The basics is make sure that she can open and
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: close her lunchbox. Like that sounds so simple, but if
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: you are a little four or five year old and
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: you're in this enormous playground adjusting to a million things,
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: regulating emotions, learning all the new rules, and where the
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: toilets are, and you can't open your lunchbox.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Call them up.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: But you know, you think.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: About a couple of tupperwork containers and I'm like, even
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: I can't open that one.
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: But you know, if you're going to send a packet
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: of rice wheels, can I open them? Can I use
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: their drink bottle? Can they get a jumper off?
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: So, actually those basics are really important. And then the
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: second thing is have you done any orientation sessions at
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: the school or anything?
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And we've had it's been a real mixed bag.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: The first one she was super excited and she was
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: really pumped. And then the last one that we had,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know what happened. She just in the morning
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: she had really big emotions. She got really upset over
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: her porridge. She didn't have a school jumper that she
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: was flipped out about, and so I was kind of like,
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: knowing what you told us previously, I was like, it's
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: not about the porrood, it's not about the jumper. She's
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: just using these little moments to express her emotions. And
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: then when I handed her over to her buddy and
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: then for that orientation parents leave, we'd come back in
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: a couple of hours. She was locked onto my leg
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: and she was like, Daddy, I want you to stay
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: you like, and I was like, no, it's going to
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: be fine, You're going to enjoy this. And I was like,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: how much do I need to say you're going to
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: be fine and be a bit firm, and how much
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: do I need to like give her that one more
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: big hug? She was struggling.
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: It's the ultimate question, isn't it. Like I think there
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: is a line with that. So for parents going through this,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: and it sort of weaves into separation, anxiety, and lots
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: and lots of kids once they start KINDI often they
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: skip in on the first day. They are pumped, and
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: we often make that mistake of like, it's going to
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: be amazing, you have the best time. We basically describe,
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: you know, Luna.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Park promise, you promise from the world and hand.
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: Them out and then they get lined up and sat
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: down and taught to read and they're like.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: That's up.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: One line.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, where's the roller coaster.
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: So again, in terms of those pre tips, don't promise
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: it's going to be amazing.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: You go, there'll be some.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I feel so bad now.
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: So we step it back and we go, school's going
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: to be great, and you're going to make new friends.
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: And also you'll do some work, and there'll be some
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: bits that are boring and some bits that are interesting,
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: and some bits will be noisy in the playground.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: And you know, I think if we make.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: Space for like, however our kid experience is that that
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: can help in terms of that separation.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: You know, you're describing something I'm so familiar with.
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: I have a child that is, you know, sometimes struggles
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: to let go or to do something that might.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: Require a bit of bravery.
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: And the biggest thing I'd say is there is a
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: whole space for preparation in advance. So when I say that,
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: I'm talking four pm the day before an orientation or
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: a school day, or a thing that's happening for anyone listening,
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: we want to start talking. Then, So tomorrow is a
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: school day, and I know that sometimes when I drop you.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: Off at the gate, it's really hard to say goodbye.
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: And I want you to know that makes sense because
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: I get that you don't want to say goodbye.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: She's four, she's five. It is hard to say goodbye.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: To her safe face, you know, one of her primary caregivers.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: She's meant to show that.
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: Not all kids do, and that's okay too, But her
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: showing that is so healthy and so normal.
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: But how do we help her with it or ease
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: it in the moment.
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: The prep I think we do all the naming emotions
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: is always in advance, and I love the day before
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: because our kids get a chance to practice the emotion
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: of it's really hard to say goodbye to my dad
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: or my mum at the gate. That feels really hard,
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: But we're practicing it outside of the moment. Now, outside
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: of the moment, her thinking brain's online, so she actually
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: here your tips and you're kind of bet these will
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: be the good bits and all of that. And what
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: we can do in that kind of practice is we
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: can be really practical. What can we do to make
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: it a little bit easier when we say goodbye tomorrow.
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: So with my youngest son, when he started KINDI, he
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: was exactly that. I had a great first day, and
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: then we had two weeks of like clinging to the
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: dry cleaning.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: Is it the a dry cleaning handle?
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: And yeah, it's the brace yourself through.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah I was assumed it was the dress hanging handle.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: But anyway, he's clinging to that like an octopus, you know,
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: like you're pulling him out of the car. Everybody watching
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: going you don't share. The parent educator doesn't h o
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: very well. And he was really struggling and I had
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: to hand him kicking and screaming to educators a few times,
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: and I did my own advice. So I took him home.
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: I got out a little whiteboard and I actually drew
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: you know, sad face when I drop you at school.
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: It makes you feel really sad. It's really hard to
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: say goodbye to mum. And my child had a bit
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: of a language delay, so the drawing really helped with that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: And then I said, I wonder. I love the concept
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: of wonder because it's really opens kids up without pressure
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: to like, instead of just be different, we're wondering what
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: could we do to make a little bit easier tomorrow.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: And he said, if we could bring along my favorite
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: Sonic toy, you love Sonic, the Hedgehog, and I will
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: hold it all the way to the gate and then
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: I will hand it to you. And he was very specific,
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: you need to go and put it in my bed
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: and then when I come home it will be waiting
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: for me in my bed.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: And kids love these.
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: Little things because it's that's my safe thing. And then
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: giving you the job of going putting it in bed,
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: I kind of know I'm coming back to that.
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: You know, it doesn't have to make sense. And for
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: other kids that might be.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: We could draw a little heart on my wrist and
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: heart on your wrist and or press my heart when
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: we're apart and think of you. Or for other kids
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: it might be we could have a secret handshake at
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: the gate and even when you're struggling, we do our
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: secret handshake and you will know you've got all of
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: you know, Dad's.
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: Going to be with you while you're there.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: So we're trying to create connection or create an object
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: or a transition kind of support.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: And Laura, it was pretty good. Laura with Marley gave
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: her a necklace and she loves that mum made the necklace,
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: and Laura said, whenever you've missed me, you can hold
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: the little pendant and it will remind you of me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: It's like an invisible string that kind of keeps our
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: kids connected to us. And it's that little bit of
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: confidence or that bit of mum or dad to take
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: into that big new world.
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: So it's super powerful.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: She lost it after a week, but by then she
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: was fine.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: I made My eldest son was in Kinney.
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: My mum actually made this, but he was struggling and
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: she made a little felt heart and she put it
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: in his pocket. And he's a bit of a sensory kid,
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: and so if he was having a hard time in
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: the playground, he'd put his hand in his pocket and
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: just feel through his felt heart. It was so beautiful.
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: They don't need it forever often these things. So my
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: son with the Sonic, he only needed it for about
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: two weeks. And I mean there's photos of me cruising
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: around the neighborhood with Sonic because I was like, I
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: will do anything because the drop offs are going so well.
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: And within two weeks he was good and he has.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: Not looked back.
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: But like I said, I'm so sort of passionate about it,
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: but I think your question and I've gone a bit,
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: but it was really also, at what point do we say, see.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: Yah, you've got this. And there is a real big
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: space for that too.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: If we've done all that beautiful prayer and we've allowed
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: our child to know we get it, and we've given
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: them a transition object or we've supported the idea of
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: how can we make it easier, I think there is
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: a role for us as parents to also believe in
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: our kids when they can't. If they're going, I can't
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: do this, you can't leave, and we're like, oh, well,
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: then I better not leave because I don't believe in you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: Somehow that can make it harder.
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: And so I think there is a role for us
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: as parents to also go and we knew this would
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: be hard, and I know you've got this, and I
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: can't wait to see you after school.
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: I will be right there by that tree. Bye bye now,
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: and you do go.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: I'm not saying you tear off, but you go with
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: this sense of I know you've got this, and we
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: all know that, and we know that. Often educators will
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: say they settled right away, But I think what we're
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: actually imparting on our kids is a confidence.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: That I believe in you.
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: I know this is scary, and we have to kind
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: of continue to do it, says they grow.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: One thing that I've always been told, Yeah, it's just
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: kind of being one of those rules that I've just heard.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Always once they start school for that first term, doing
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: anything additional sport, you know, swimming lessons for example. I've
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: always had the idea of, like, I will stop that
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: for first term because I don't want to overload them.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Is there anything else first? Is that correct? And is
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: there anything else you can do to better support them
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: once they have started and they have kind of settled in.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: I think that's really good advice.
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: There are some kids that start school they're like ducks
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: to water, and that kid can start organized sports and
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: everything from the get go, and they can keep up
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: with their swimming. And there are certainly sometimes some high
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: energy boys that you need to keep running or otherwise
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: they run havoc in the classroom. So there are exceptions always,
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: But I got given that advice when my elder started
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: school by the principal, and it was just such good advice.
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: Kids get so tired, and I think if you think.
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: Of it, it's like they're moving to a new country
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: and learning a new language all at once. In that
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: they're learning not just the academics, but the rules and
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: the social nuances and the kind of the bigger kids
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: and the apartners from mom and dad for longer hours
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: or their parents for longer hours, all at once.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: And it is a lot.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: And if we can just take some of that stuff out,
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: and what you allow then is more downtime, and you're
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: kind of creating space for some after school meltdowns to
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: happen sooner rather than later. They and those meltdowns play
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: a role because they're getting all this stuff out of hey,
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: all it together all day long and miss yucky stuff
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: just has to come out. And if we can create
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: the space for it.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've always Sometimes I've picked up Marley and she's amazing,
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: and then we get home and then she just flips
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: out and I'm like, what are you doing? You just
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: five minutes ago you were skipping out.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: The school, you were seeing it in the car or sweet.
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but don't we do that as grown ups as well?
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: Like you know, we're sort of on in public and
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: we get home and we're like I.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Cry all the way home.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: For me, I mean, my youngest is a year away
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: from where Matt is. She's much small. I could not
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: imagine makes you going to school. She's not there obviously,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: But with my eldest, who's same with Marley, this is
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: the end of his first year and he goes to
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: the same primary school that I went to as a kid,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: and him going there has brought up a lot for me,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and I recall going back to school after.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: A long break and the anxiety for me as a child,
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: it would really show through. I would cry all the
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: way to school. I would cry all day for that
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: period of time.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And at the moment, and I'm deviating from the question
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I was actually going to ask you because this has
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: just hit me in the between the eyes, is that
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: now as an adult, I'm anxious fit Oscar going back
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: after such a long break, even though he is like
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: a duck to what He's loved it so much, And
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: it's more me now when I see him run off
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: down the track to school, I'm the one.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I miss him already. Yeah, but I'm worried that he's
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: going to feel the anxiety that I felt. And now
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I'm anxious about it.
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I think as parents is the hardest thing.
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: Sometimes our kids are struggling with friendships, or they're struggling
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: with separation or you know, whatever it is, and it
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: can bring up stuff for us.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: And it's something I said to you last time we chatted.
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: But actually one of the biggest things he can do
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: for yourself is say, yeah, that makes sense that I'm
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: feeling that anxiety because.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: I shoun that really hard.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: And then once we acknowledge that it often, you know,
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: we name it to tame it for ourselves, and then
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: we're able to sort of say, what's the kid in
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: front of me neating right now? And sometimes they're not
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: needing anything. Sometimes you'll find that if we can sort
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: of check our own stuff and name that, and we
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: don't want to, you know, for ourselves, you know, just
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: say anxiety comes knocking out the door, as it often does,
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: and what we want to do is hid behind the
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: bed and not let it in.
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but actually if we can sort of open the.
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: Door and go, okay, you're here, that makes sense because
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: my story is that I found that really hard. But
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: this is a different kid in front of me, and
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: he's looking Okay, so I'm going to kind of wait
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: till he shows me if he needs something.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want to shoot on my mum here, but
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: she obviously coming from that parenting style that they had.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: It was get on with it, you're fine.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I have previously been like that with him
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: with some school stuff and the things that he's nervous about.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: But for me, I'm really anxious that I wanted. I
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: want him to be able to.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Overcome the situation, so I want to be able to
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: validate him and go it's so normal.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: You don't want him to feel alone with that emotion.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like I did.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, and I felt like it was. It was
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: really prominent for me, and then me remembering it now,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: it's like.
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't want to imagine if someone had said
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: to you, yeah, it's really hard going back after a
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: long summer, and that makes sense. And while it wouldn't
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: have changed the anxiety, you wouldn't have been alone with it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I did looking back, I did feel alone
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: with it.
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's the biggest thing we can do for
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: our kids.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Right. I remember being at an athletics carnival and I
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: was so incredibly nervous. I must have been about seven
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: or eight, and I didn't want to do the race
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: and my mom was like, you're fucking doing the race,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Like shut up and line up. There was no question
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: whether or I was or wasn't and ended up doing
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: it and I was fine and it was it was
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: all right. I had that same mentality when with Marley,
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: where there's situations that I'm like, I know you're going
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: to be fine. I know you've got to probably enjoy
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: it even but then she pushes back, like dance lessons
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: as an example, somedays she's like I don't want to
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: do it, yeah, And I'm like, but you love it
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: and you're going to enjoy it when you're there.
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: But don't we all like our kids say I don't
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: want to go to school or preschool and we go,
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: but you love it at pre school and Johnny's going
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: to be there and a finger painting day.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: And it's going to be amazing.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: He's going I want to die.
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: And like the biggest lesson I learned, you know, in
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: all of my parenting, and I've said it over and
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: over like the magic bullet, and parenting is just letting
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: kids know that we hear them, and I've got the
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: best at it with my youngest, and he'd do all
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: of this, and I'd open the van door and yeah,
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: because I'd drive my bus and I get to eye
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: with him, and I'd open my palms, because if you
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: can open your palms, that is more powerful than anything
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: you can say. And soften your face, right, because your
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: body language often betrays you, even when you're saying I
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: know it's really hard, but.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Am I look at it in the mirror like I
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: know you haven't a hard time, but.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: Your whole body is going like so much I do it.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: If we can just stop.
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: Fighting just for a second, open your arms and go
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: it's really hard to go to school. Some days I
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: get it, and you just pause for a second. Nothing
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: happens after that except your child takes a bit of
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: time to process, and then we've got a kid that's
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: not alone with that emotion. Now I am such a
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: fan of then saying it's time to go in. Am
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: I holding your hand or do you want me to
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: carry you? And I will always, I will always believe
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: in my child.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: That's how I do it, as hard as that can
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: be sometimes.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: But what I can tell you is whenever I do
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: that or have done that the next bit, Like I'm
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: not saying, they skip in and go, oh, thanks for
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: validating my emotions to skip in at school. They're still sad,
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: but they're not as sad because they're not alone with
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: that emotion. I think it's one of the most powerful
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: things we can do.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I felt that back back then. I
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: was alone in the emotion.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: And you know, when I think about me now, I'm fine,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: but thinking about them.
• 20:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's sad to think you were alone. And if
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: we can be with our kids and their feelings just
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: thirty percent of the time, we make a huge difference
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: to them. We don't need to do it all the time.
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: So that's the other thing I'd say is there are
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: times where we don't validate.
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: We just get on with it.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: Like your mum said you're going to do the race,
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: and she didn't validate in that moment because it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: Just fell right. She knew you could do it.
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: Maybe, And it's remembering that if just thirty percent of
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: the time we're able to really be with our kids
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: and their feelings, we're teaching them that they can come
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: to us when they're happy and when they're sad and
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: when they're scared, and that's the gift if we can
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: do that thirty percent of the time.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: The two fears that I have as a parent when
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: I think of school is my child not being able
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: to keep up academically, and that's kind of a bit
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: out of my control. But then the second one is bullying.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: And Marley was pretty good. She had a couple of
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: situations where there was two other girls and there was
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: the three of them, that there was always one person
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: on the outer and some days she was in the
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: mix and she was a favorite. Other times she was
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: completely pushed out. And I was trying to tell her
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: that when she was in, don't try and push that
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: other person out. But I'm sure I felt good for
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: her in that moment where she was finally being accepted.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: But then I still don't really know how to handle
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: those situations of when she's being bullied, how I should
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: tell her to react.
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, you're going to think I'm a broken record,
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: but I think one of the most powerful things we
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: can say when our kids say I got left out
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: of the group today, which how amazing that she's telling you.
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: But if we want to say, tell me their names,
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: I am calling their mothers. Or we want to say okay,
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: well I'm contacting the teacher because that is not okay.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: Or we sometimes want to give advice, like you know.
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: If you you know, just play with other people, You're amazing,
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: don't even worry about it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: You know, you're a great kid. If we can just pause.
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: And go that sounds really tricky, I would have hated
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: to be the one left out of the group. And actually,
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: nine times out of ten, that's all our kids need. Actually,
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: because our kids are incredible and they've got the solutions
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: to these problems within them. Often and we say that
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: sounds so hard, and what we've got is a kid,
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: then that's oh not alone.
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: You can even add I know what that's like.
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: I got left out once, or I got left out today,
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: Like I know what that's like, And then they know,
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: you know, and imagine how cool is that. And then
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: if they're still struggling, and I've had so many times
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: this with my kids, then we can say, I wonder
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: what you think you could do if that happened again tomorrow.
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: And I know I'm using the word wonder again. It
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: is so powerful for our kids, this word because it
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: opens their creativity and their solutions, and kids actually innately
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: often have the answers within themselves. The things my kids
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: have said in those moments like well I could just
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: play with someone else.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: You're like, cool, great solutions.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: You figured it out on their own, right, you know?
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: So I do think that's, yeah, one of the ways
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: to do it.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: Jen, we did put the call out to listeners and
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: they have come back with a couple of questions. I've
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: got one here from carin Yep, and I would love
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: to get your thoughts on it. She says, How can
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I best prepare my son who's had an excellent first
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: year in kindergarten, but now he's about to move house,
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: move suburbs, move. Any tips on avoiding breaking his little
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: heart would be much appreciated.
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: First thing I'd say is it's funny how we're so
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: worried about our kids' experience in struggle, and I want
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: to reframe even the breaking his little heart?
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Is she projecting too much made No?
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: I just think she's really wanting to avoid hard stuff, struggle, change,
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: These things are hard, and yet what a wonderful opportunity
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: to build resilience. So I'm not going the.
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: Hard opportunity of your kids are tough, just you know,
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: send him out to the mind. What I'm saying is, sometimes,
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: you know the process of a child adjusting to change,
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: new house, new school, new sibling, whatever it is. Yes,
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: there will be hard bits. And yet as we gently
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: sit with our child alongside them as they do that,
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: we are preparing them for heartbreak at sixteen and things.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: That happen in life.
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: Because every time they do that and we do it
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: with them, they're learning skills. So what I'd say is,
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: first of or sometimes hard things will happen to our kids.
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: And as they continue to grow, you know that hard
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: things continue to happen. And if we continue to be
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: able to say, and this is our opportunity to practice
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: feeling frustrated or mad at our sibling or left out,
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: this is actually a cool thing, then I think we
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: can reframe and it's not a bad thing that your
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: child's about to go through lots of change, and then
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: from their heaps a prep so little hack with sort
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: of limited time, go to chat ChiPT, tell it your
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: child's name, the school they're going to, the things that
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: are going to change, and say write me a social
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: story on how to prepare my son that I can
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: read at bedtime and read it to a bedtime and
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: read the story over and over of all the things
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: that are going to change and how he'll make new
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: friends and there might be some hard aspects of that,
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: but Mummy will always love him and be with him.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: And does it help that child not to be really dumb?
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Here for that child to have that reference point of oh,
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: that's right, Timmy in the story, whether you're the same thing,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: and you know, put your your own.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Child's name in the story. Oh really yeah, because he's
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: going to do all these things. A social story is
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: our child's story. And I love the chuch apt and
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: I'll do this whereas once you had to go to
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: an o tea to do it. So we can just
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: create that really easily. Or show him lots of photos
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: of the new house, take him to the school. This
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: is where you're going to go. And what we're trying
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: to do is just sit in that unknown space. If
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: there will be aspects of this where you will miss
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: your friends, and that makes sense, and there will be
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: wonderful new things too, and that will be great. And
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: here is how we will stay connected to our old friends.
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: So I would continue to make some playdates with the
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: old friends, create some playdates with the new friends, and
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: just you know, you don't know how he's going to go.
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: But I wouldn't set out to assume he's going to
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: have his little heart broken. I'd say there will be struggle,
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: and struggle is not necessarily a bad thing.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: I feel like I need to write a story for Lola.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could do that.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: I need to do that.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're very good writer too. By the way, can
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you do it on your own? You don't need computers?
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: Ash, Yes, How did you go with Oscar when it
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: came time to teaching him how to read? I feel
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: like you would have been an expert.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Right, Never assume, Matt, because, as we all know, I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: have been diagnosed with eddie HD. So sitting down trying
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: to concentrate on reading a book myself is hard enough,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: let alone trying to teach young Oscar, who's got a
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: sponge brain, learn how to read.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Well, answer this question, how many attempts at teaching him
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: to read? Was it before you gave up?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Multiple attempts?
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I heavily leaned on April for Oscar's reading ability. However,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: we're a little bit time.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Poor good thing.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: We've stumbled across something which is absolutely amazing, Matthew, which
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: is ABC reading Eggs.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: I look back at the time that I've tried to
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: do it myself, and I don't know if you could
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: do the same. But they don't listen to a thing
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: that I say, so me trying to teach my kids
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: is just a nightmare. When they found reading Eggs, I
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: was like, this is the number one parenting hack to
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: make learning fun for kids.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: It's amazing what they can do in such a short time.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: His reading ability has gone from being able to read
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: one or two words too.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: He can pretty much read a novel.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: I reckon, Yeah, Marley's reading it is phenomenal right now,
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: And parents are like, how did she do it? And
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I'm like, it's all me. I spent hours slaving away
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: at the kitchen table with a book in hand, forcing
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: her how to read, and she's, you know, she's finally
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: she's turned a corner. And they're like, does she use
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: reading Eggs And I'm like, yes.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I've got to be really careful with having my phone
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: around Oscar now because he can read my text messages.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: I do have one complaint about Reading Eggs.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Whenever I speak to Laura and I'm like, hey, do
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: you want an ic B l Marley's like an ice block? Yeah,
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: I'd love one. Now chocolate, what are you going to get?
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, damn you reading eggs.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I'm going to learn another language. And Matt with the
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: school year about to start again, thank good, nurse. You
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: can check out ABC Reading Eggs Today. You head to
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Reading Eggs dot com dot au Forward Slash two d
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: D where we have a thirty day free trial just
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: for you.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: That's right. You can delight you're toddler with fun games
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: and activities that build alphabet knowledge and ready to read skills.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: It is unbeatable.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I've got one from Johanna.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: She asked, how can I best support my son's emotional
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: journey into school? And what questions do we ask to
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: get him to tell us about his day at school
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: that doesn't lead to one word answers.
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because as a mum for four boys, I can
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: tell you that what does not work is how is
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: your day? Who did you play with? What did you
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: read for lunch?
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Sorry, that's just that's me every day.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: So this applies to me.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: And you get no one, nothing, fine nothing.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: Did you ever go to school?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: And I was like, don't you have a memory.
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: So my tip would be I have a little game
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: that I play with my kids or an idea that
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: people can use it. It's called Hi Low Buffalo. So
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: first of all, when your kid gets.
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: In the car, don't say anything other than good to
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: see you.
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: Shut up for a bit, mom and dad. Number two,
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: feed your child for hand them a snack. Kids are
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: angry when they walk out of the school gates and
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: they need to kind of eat before they can answer.
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: And then after that you might say.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: You know, I'm thinking of you know, is.
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: There something that was funny that happened today? What was
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: the most boring part of today? I bet there were
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: some boring bits.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: Kids love telling you what was boring in their day
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: or what was funny. Or you can play high low.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Buffalo, run me through Buffalo.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, highlight Buffalo.
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: So it's the high of your day, the low of
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: your day, and something you want others to know. And
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: yet the cards that I designed, there's seventy five. There's
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: twenty five high cards that actually foster's gratitude and compassion
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: in kids, because actually, sometimes we want to harness.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: What are the things that are going well at school?
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: And the standard?
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: What was good?
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: You won't get an answer.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Can I pull out one of the kids, let's do it.
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you can do a high card, you can do
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: a low card, and I'll do a buffalo.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, go What was the most boring part of
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: your day today?
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Sorry about this podcast?
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not. Actually, do you know what I said? One
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: of the most boring parts is one of the most essential.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I had to unpack the dishwasher and then re stack it.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: That's when I wake up. That's one of the first.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Jobs that I hate the dishwasher.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: It sucks.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's very important.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think of the dishwasher's feelings match it.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Hi, I had a moment today where I dropped Oscar
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: off for school.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Oh sorry, yes? What is sorry? I failed the game?
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: What is something that made you smile today?
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I had a moment today where I dropped Oscar off
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: the same thing that happens every day when I drop
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: him off a hug and then he sort of ran
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: off down the school track with excitement and it did
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: make me smile.
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: So that is so nice.
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: I love that is If you were a grown up
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: in this house. What's the first rule you'd change? Which
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: I love for kids. Obviously this is designed to sort
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: of connect with kids, but I love this question because
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: the things they come up with.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Can you remember any answers that you've had from your boys?
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: I mean often about screens. There'd be no screen rules.
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: We'd have phones in our bedrooms and we'd be able
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: to play Nintendo twenty four hours.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Graens everywhere.
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: We would never go to school and we would just
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: play video games.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: I'm going to play this with my kids.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: And how do your boys react to that? Do they
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: like the actual act of getting a card or are
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: you just using it for yourself to prompt the question?
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: Look, it's both, Like I think the idea can be
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: used in that you can just sit at the dinner table.
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: And we sort of went away recently with friends and
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: we started playing it, and the next thing other people
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: turned up, and then strangers turned out it.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Was a drinking game.
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: What are you doing? Phil?
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: But it's what I love about it is that anyone
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: any It's such a great action. My husband got it
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: at a is It all started at a like a
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: corporate team bonding exercise, and then he said I think
• 33:08
  Speaker 5: this would be good with the boys. And we've got
• 33:09
  Speaker 5: you know, one child in particular, is really slow to
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: warmarn't really quiet. He does not get a word in
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: like it's a house of extravs and this child is
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: just like but this allows him to sometimes he finds
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: it hard, and he's allowed to skip if he just
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: doesn't feel I don't have a high or you know,
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: he's allowed to skip.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: That's fine.
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: But it allows space for our quieter kids to speak
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: up as well. And then I think also it just
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: can just prompt us as parents. I think often we
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: do we know something's up with our child and we
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: don't know how to sort of get them going. And
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: I've just found we do this and the most interesting
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: answers come out.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: There have been situations because my niece and nephew go
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: to the same school as Marley. And then I'll be like, Marley,
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: how was school. She goes, yeah, it was good, Okay, great,
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: And then I speak to my niece and she's like,
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: I saw Marley. She was crying on the buddy chair,
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: which is where you start. And I'm like, Marley, did
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: you did you sit on the buddy chair? Did you
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: have a little cry today, and she goes, yeah, I did,
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: and I.
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: Was like, come on, come on, so try a low
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: card and see what comes out. But also I think
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: kids live in the moment and sometimes like I had
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: a minute of crying and then I went on the
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: monkey bars.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I found that because I was only getting
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: one one word answers like that because Oscar's obviously he's
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: like a kelpie and he's always talking about sport, and
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I just thought, I'm going to ask him what sport
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: I did today?
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: And I got just not much more.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: But I got the oh, we played soccer and I
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: scored three or four goals, and I'm like, okay, well
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: I got something from you. But I think this is
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: really good, because yeah, I want more than just that.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not getting enough.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: Oh, we want more.
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: As parents, my other tip is if you've got a
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: kid that's the kelpie, go in with their favorite topic.
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: I like to ease one of my kids in with
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: just like, which pokemon do you think has the best powers? Right?
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: And he will.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Talk At the moment we were just like, who's you
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: fine driver? And then you can't shut him up?
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you just like you just double punch
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: that much what was the hardest thing that happened?
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: We will put in the show notes where you can
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: pick up these cards. I think they're great. I have
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: one last question here from Sophie, and she wants to
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: know what do you do for the less extroverted kids
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: when they don't get put in the same class with
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: their friends? Yeah, so, what are some strategies for bonding
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: with other kids when they don't have the confidence like
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: others have.
• 35:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think one of the best things we
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: can do is support them by letting their teacher know
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: a bit more about them. Like I think sometimes we
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: don't want to be the squeaky will but actually saying, look,
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: this is how my child works a little bit slow
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: to warm up. So if you could place the next
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: to another like minded soul or you know that kind
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: of thing. So letting the school know and then you
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: know a bit of advocacy, I think he's great for
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: our kids.
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: And then also go to your child.
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: And say I want you to go to school today
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: and the new class and be a friend. Detective. Don't
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: try and make any friends. Just put your detective hat
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: on and have a look at.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: Who smiles at you when you smile at them.
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: And who looks friendly and who looks like someone you
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: want to get to know and come home like a
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: detective and tell me who it is and we might
• 36:15
  Speaker 5: arrange a playdate there.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: It is detective and they're going to love that too.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: It's a game because otherwise you're like, go and make
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: a friend.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And like what my son went to start a
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: school with. There was there was a group of four
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: of them and that's my friends. We all had kids
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: at the same time, so they're really clicky and the
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: school did a really good job at separating them in
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: a way that helped them grow a little bit. But
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: then also Oscar would come back and talk about kids
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: that he'd just spoken to.
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: And because sometimes and you've got to trust I mean,
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: we've had high years and low years and separations with
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: my boys, and there have been years where you think, oh,
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: that would have been good if it went different, and
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: years where you think it won't be good that your
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: child gets separated, and actually you look back and go,
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: best sen it.
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: Happened to them.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like Oscar's met this kid that's literally Oscar and
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: it's like same interest and then you know, and he
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: talks about him all the time, and you're like, yeah,
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: that's really cool because he's sort of separated from the
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: original clique.
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and sometimes they really do meet their little light
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: minded people.
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's kind of cool.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: Gen you are the parenting oracle. If I could, yeah,
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: shuckle you and keep me downstairs in the basement, wod.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: You'd have to share a room with Nana.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: It is always a pleasure. Thank you so much, Thank you.
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: I appreciate I appreciate you having me back on.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: Expect a couple of phone calls from me being like,
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, just doing this.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: And come back, come back.
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: We'll just get me back here.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: We'll do more if you ever want to come back.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: You on more than what I love to guys.
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: I've been waiting for the.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you Jack J Matt.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: It's say to say that I cannot wait to drop
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: my children off at the front gate of that school.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: And when's basic starting next year?
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: She'll be next year, yeah, right now, good question.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: Carry the one.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: She's four at the moment, right, five at the end
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: of the.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: Year, So she'll go next year, and she'll still be
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: quite young to go because she's got a late birthday
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: in the year.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hold it back another year, even
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: though she could barely talk.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: And daycare did say to me, They're like, the greatest
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: gift you can give a child is give them the
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: next year of daycare.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I'll think about it, and they're
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: just like, fill my pockets with money. Please, if you've
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please leave a review. Send it to
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know, a parent, their kid's about to start
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: school for the first time or return to school.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: Here's an idea, just a parent, send it. I mean
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: it might you might enjoy it.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: It's so simple. I wonder what it would be like
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: if you send it to another parent.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: Do you know what we love more than anything for
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: that is our two gotting Dad's community growing just that
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: little bit bigger each week, every every day. And the
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: best way to do that is for you. You're listening
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: right now, Yeah, yeah, that's right you. If you can
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: share it with a friend, that is what helps us
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: keep going week in, week out.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Or you can join us on social media with two
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Downing Dads Instagram, TikTok, the Facebook, and of course.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: YouTube for those weekly episodes. Until then, goodbye bye.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: If like me, you've got a little one heading towards
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: school and you're thinking, I just want to give them
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: a bit of a head start, and this is one
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: of those things that will actually help.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, ABC Reading Eggs has been huge for us. It's
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: turned reading into games, keeps them motivated, and you're not
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: forcing flash cards at the kitchen table.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: And it works. After just a few weeks, ninety one
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: percent of parents notice a real improvement in their kids reading.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: That is huge.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: That is massive.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Fifteen minutes a day, positives, screen time, built Biossi educated,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: It's simple, effective and the kids actually enjoy it.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: If you want something that genuinely supports their reading before school.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: Head to Reading Eggs dot com dot au forward slash
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: two d D for your thirty day free trial.
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: peoples today.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land