Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle Direct Reports Who Overcommunicate
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, have you ever had a direct report who sends you a Slack message, then an email, then a calendar invite, just to confirm the same thing? Luna: Oh, I've been on the receiving end of that. It's like they're building a paper trail for a criminal trial. Lucas: Right. And for a new manager, it's one of those things that can drive you crazy pretty fast. You want to encourage openness, but your inbox is overflowing, and you're wondering if they're insecure, or if they don't trust you, or if they're just really thorough. Luna: I think there's a tendency to label it as a personality flaw, but it might just be a communication mismatch. Lucas: That's the smart way to look at it. Overcommunication is usually less about the content and more about the intent. Most of the time it's driven by anxiety, a desire to be seen as diligent, or a fear of being caught off guard. And when you're a new manager, you're also the one they're trying to impress. Luna: So how do you fix it without crushing their enthusiasm? Lucas: First step is to recognize what's happening. Take a step back and look at the pattern. Are they sending updates after every single task? Are they cc ing you on emails that don't really need your input? Are they asking for approval on things you've already delegated? Those are clues. Luna: And you can't just wait for it to go away, because it probably won't. It'll become a habit. Lucas: Exactly. So you need to address it directly, but gently. In a one-on-one, you might say something like, 'I really appreciate how thorough you are. I want to make sure we're using our time efficiently. Let's talk about how we can streamline our communication.' Luna: That's a good opening. It's not about criticizing, it's about optimizing. Lucas: And you want to be specific. Give them examples. 'I notice you've been copying me on emails about the Smith project. I'd love for you to handle those independently and just loop me in on major milestones.' That way you're setting a clear boundary. Luna: So it's about setting expectations around what needs your attention and what doesn't. Lucas: Right. And you can also introduce a communication framework. For example, 'For anything that's not urgent, you can put it in our weekly update document. For anything that's blocking you, flag it in Slack with a clear ask. And for anything that's a major decision, let's discuss it in our one-on-one.' Luna: That gives them a structure to follow, which is reassuring for someone who's anxious. Lucas: It also helps them learn to self-filter, which is a skill they'll need as they grow. Because the goal isn't to make them stop communicating. It's to help them communicate at the right level of detail for the situation. Luna: And you mentioned that it could be anxiety-driven. Is there a way to get at the root cause? Lucas: Definitely. In the conversation, you can ask open-ended questions like, 'What's your thought process when you decide to share an update?' Or 'Is there anything that makes you feel uncertain about what I expect?' That can reveal whether they're worried about performance, or whether they've had a bad experience in the past with a manager who dropped the ball. Luna: And if it's performance anxiety, you can reassure them by being clear about your confidence in their work. You know, 'I trust you to handle this, and I'll let you know if I need more updates.' Lucas: That's a great way to build trust. And it's a two-way street. You have to actually follow through and not ask for updates when you said you wouldn't. Otherwise, you're sending mixed signals. Luna: Yeah, you have to model the behavior you want. If you're constantly checking in on them, they'll think that's the expected norm. Lucas: Exactly. And that's something a new manager might not realize. Their own habits influence the team's communication style more than they think. Luna: So, is there a difference between overcommunication and just being a proactive communicator? Lucas: There is. Proactive communication is about sharing relevant information at the right time. Overcommunication is often about volume and frequency without adding value. It's like the difference between sending a weekly status report and sending a status report every afternoon. Luna: And overcommunication can also create a lot of noise for the rest of the team, not just for you. If they're cc ing everyone on everything, it can be distracting. Lucas: That's a good point. And it's a bigger conversation about team norms. You could actually bring it up with the whole team: 'How do we want to handle communication updates? What's the right level of detail for our projects?' That way it's not just about one person. Luna: That's a good way to make it about the team, not about pointing fingers. Lucas: And you can also turn it into a coaching opportunity. With the overcommunicator, you can say, 'I'd love to see you take more ownership of this and decide when it's important to update me. You're the expert on your work.' That helps them build confidence in their own judgment. Luna: But what if they still keep doing it? Is it ever a sign of a deeper problem? Lucas: If you've had the conversation, set clear expectations, and given them time to adjust, but nothing changes, then you might need to dig deeper. It could be a sign that they lack confidence in their own abilities, or that they're not comfortable with ambiguity. In that case, you might need to work on their decision-making skills or give them more structured tasks. Luna: And there's also the possibility that they're just very detail-oriented and it's a natural way of working. You don't want to overcorrect and make them feel like they can't share anything. Lucas: Right, that's the flip side. You want to be careful not to discourage them from communicating altogether. The goal is to find a balance that works for both of you. Luna: It's a fine line, isn't it? You're managing the relationship, not just the output. Lucas: And it's a skill that takes practice. But I think there's also something to be said for the fact that overcommunicators often have good intentions. They care about the work, and they want to make sure you're in the loop. That's not a bad thing. Luna: I remember a story from a friend of mine who had a manager who was the opposite – never communicated enough. And that was way worse. So there's a happy medium. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's a good reminder that we're not trying to silence anyone. We're just trying to channel that energy more effectively. Luna: This kind of conversation is exactly why we do this show. Helping people navigate these real-world situations. Lucas: And if you're finding these episodes useful, and you want to help us keep making them ad-free, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's 'buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo'. It's a simple way to say thanks and keep us going. Luna: Yeah, every little bit helps us keep having these conversations. And no pressure, just if it's something you want to do. Lucas: So, back to the overcommunicator. One thing I want to add is that you should also consider the context. If you're in a high-stakes project or a fast-paced environment, some level of frequent updates might actually be necessary. You don't want to discourage that. Luna: So it's about being intentional about what level of communication is appropriate for different tasks. Lucas: Exactly. And you can help them develop that judgment by asking questions like, 'What do you think needs my attention?' rather than just saying 'stop sending me updates.' It's a coaching moment. Luna: I like that. It's empowering them to make a decision, not just follow rules. Lucas: And over time, you'll see them start to self-correct. They'll send fewer updates, but the ones they do send will be more meaningful. And that's a win-win. Luna: So, what's the one takeaway you'd leave with a new manager facing this? Lucas: I'd say, treat it as a communication style difference, not a personality flaw. Approach it with curiosity, set clear expectations, and coach them towards better judgment. And most importantly, remember that it's your job to create a safe environment where they feel comfortable communicating – just at the right volume.