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A Mythic Christmas Tale · The Euro Legions Podcast

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This story was written by Richard Jones.
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It is a fan fiction. It's not an official Mythic
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Legion story. The story of Mythic Legions
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belongs solely to 4 Horsemen Studios.
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Enjoy. A mythic Christmas tale
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prologue. Well, this hasn't gone to plan,
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thought Santa as his sleigh hurtled through the night sky.
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The reindeers all appeared to be unconscious after they'd entered
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what he thought was the portal to North America, and there was
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no way of stopping the sled on its descent down to the frozen
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ground below. Just before the impact, Santa
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called one last desperate time to his deeds to rouse them from
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their slumber. Groggily, Rudolph lifted his
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head just in time to swing the team and the sleigh away from
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the mountain in front of them. The landing, however, was still
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a nightmare as the reindeers, sleigh, and Santa all hit the
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ground with tremendous force. Chapter 1 Where am I?
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Now then. Santa said while.
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Dragging himself out of a deep snowdrift.
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Where are those reindeer and mice sled?
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After 20 minutes of searching, there was still no sign of them.
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Slightly exasperated, Santa raised his eyes skyward in
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frustration and gasped. The stars he was looking at were
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not the stars he knew. What on earth, or not as the
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case appears to be, is going on here?
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He exclaimed out loud. Before he could say another
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word, he felt a point to prod against the base of his spine.
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Santa froze. He'd made it through enough
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attempted robberies to know that was a knife he could feel.
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Chapter 2 for locals. Turn around very slowly.
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A strange, almost growly voice said.
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If you try anything I'll split you open and leave you bleeding
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for the ice lizards to find you. Santa turned slowly around to
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see her most unusual creature before him.
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It was about 4 1/2 feet tall and appeared to be covered in fur.
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A giant talking chipmunk was Santa's first thought, but then
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he noticed the colouring was more like a skunk.
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It was at this point that the confusion and mild terror wore
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off enough for Santa's nostrils to realise the awful odour that
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they were taking in. Whatever this creature was, it
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smelt truly dreadful. Who are you?
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Human. The strange, smelly creature
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asked. Are you one of those accursed
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Barbarians following that fool who thinks he's a bear?
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Or are you a soldier in his idiot brother's army?
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Your red armour certainly makes you look like you could be.
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That's not armoury a clone. That's close to keep.
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The cold out humans don't have the insulation we do.
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Another creature, similar to the first but different in colour,
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had appeared from behind the snowdrift.
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Shut your mouth or I'll bleed you too Thistle tongue.
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Snarled the first creature. You could train methator.
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Replied Thistlethorn. We.
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Both know it wouldn't end well for you though.
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Cousin. Gentleman, gentlefolk, please
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calm yourselves. There's no need for violence.
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Here, said Santa. I'm not sure who you think I am.
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I assure you I am neither a soldier nor a barbarian.
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My name is Nicholas, but you may call me Santa if you want.
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I don't care what your name is, just hand over your coins now.
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Said Methator. I'm.
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Afraid I don't have money. Said Santa.
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I can offer you some cookies though.
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He said, pulling a bag of sweet smelling goodness from under his
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coat. Offerings.
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What are you, some sort of priest?
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Said Mephitor maybe. He's a God.
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Said Thistlethorn with a wry smile.
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This suggestion caused Mephitor to hurriedly take a few steps
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back from Santa. He'd seen first hand what the
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Dark Gods could do and wasn't risking anything here.
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No, I'm not a God. Smiled Santa.
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I'm just an old man who enjoys bringing joy and handing out
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presents to all the children of the world.
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You hand out presents to the young ones.
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That must be profitable. Said Mephitor, regaining his
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poise now he thought he wasn't in mortal danger.
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So you must. Be very rich.
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Then. His voice raising with
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excitement. Maybe you're lying.
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To me about the coins or. Maybe I could?
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Ransom. You back to your.
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Family. Oh, I'm not rich.
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Replied Santa. I give the presents out for free
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a. Fire free.
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Exclaimed Mephitor in disbelief. Let's leave this traveller bee.
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Interrupted Thistlethorn while motioning to Mephitor that he
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thought the old man was slightly unhinged.
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He sounds. Like he has lots of work to do
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giving out the presents. We have a mission to complete,
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and it's bitterly cold out here tonight, even for fuzz monks.
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Oh, are you cold? Then let me help.
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Said Santa. He took a small pouch out from
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his pocket and threw a handful of what appeared to the fuzz
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monks to be glowing dust. Down on the ground where it had
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landed. A roaring fire suddenly
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appeared. Oh.
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You're a sorcerer. Said Thistlethorn with a nod.
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That explains a lot. We really.
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Can't stop. We're on an important mission.
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Thank you for the offer though. Maybe we could sit here for a
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short while. Said Mephitor, sniffing the
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sweet scent coming from the bag. He had now abandoned the idea of
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stealing from this human for fear of his magic, but he was
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very interested in some food. Chapter 3 Bonding.
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They sat down around the fire, Santa taking care to sit as far
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away from the foul smelling creature as he could without
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appearing rude. He handed out cookies to the two
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fuzz monks and tucked into one himself.
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So tell me. Asked Santa.
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What is this important mission you 2 are on?
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Through crunching teeth, Thistlethorn replied.
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We were scouting for signs of the pestilent.
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Thistlethorn. Snapped methadone.
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We are. Not allowed to tell people.
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Oh, do be. Quiet.
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Side Thistle thorn. The dark gods have been
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destroyed and a great beast has been seen flying over mythos.
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The world has changed beyond recognition and we need all the
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help we can get. Quite frankly, if he's out here
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in the West, he may have seen what we're looking.
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For please friends call me Nicholas.
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Said Santa. None of this him business.
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Santa then paused and fought before speaking.
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This was all a lot to take in, even for a man thousands of
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years old. So when you say pestilent, what
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exactly are you referring to? I can foul.
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Said Thistlethorn, his tone dropping to almost a whisper, as
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if the name itself frightened him.
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There are stories of a great plague affecting the city and
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its inhabitants being cursed by it.
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The dead arising from under the earth as well.
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Interrupted Mephoto. They're.
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Crusty and Bony and eating brains.
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They use their own bones as toothpicks as well.
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Calm down, cousin. Said Thistle phone.
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All we know at the moment is that something terrible appears
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to have a befallen Viking fell and its inhabitants.
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Stories of the Dead Rising may be true, but with Necronominus
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destroyed, I prefer to think that we won't be fighting
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skeletons and zombies again. I've seen a lot of strange
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things over the course of my long life, but I've never heard
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anyone claim zombies are real. Human history has had fanciful
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takes on zombies to scare people for centuries, but they're just
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tales. The.
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Humans are idiots. Exclaimed Metal.
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It was their. Incompetence that allowed the
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Great Hammer to fall in the goggles hands and the Dark Gods
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to rise again. It was also their skill, bravery
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and cunning that turned the tide of the war against the dark.
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Wards, said Thistlethorn. Without them, we would have lost
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the war and all of us, including you, Methator, would have been
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destroyed along with the world itself.
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Give me a fuzz monk or elf or even a weird creature any day
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over a human. Replied Mephitor.
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Well, where I'm from there are only humans, but I like them.
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Said Santa. Where on mythos are there only?
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Humans. Asked Mephitor with scorn in his
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voice. Oh, I'm not from your world.
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Replied Santa. I'm from a world called Earth,
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and on Earth there are only humans.
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Thistlethorn stopped eating at this revelation and stared
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intently at this fat, bearded man sitting on the other side of
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the fire. What he said made no sense, but
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all Thistlethorn's instincts were telling him this man was no
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liar. Another world outside mythos,
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populated only by humans. Why only humans?
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Had they eradicated all the other sentient creatures?
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Was this man actually a threat, despite his appearance and
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words? Palm your fears, friend.
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Said Santa. My people are not monsters.
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Well, most of them aren't. We are just the only advanced
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species left on Earth. How do you know what I'm
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thinking? Asked Thistlethorn, moving his
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hands slowly towards his sword. I can sense feelings.
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Replied Santa. I can guess from those what you
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are likely thinking. I mean you absolutely no harm.
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Thistlethorn pulled away from his sword and relaxed.
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Mephitor was not relaxed now though, and was holding his
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dagger tightly. I haven't seen any pestilent
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peoples, but then I haven't been here very long.
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Said Santa. That's grand that you haven't
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seen any. Replied Thistlethorn.
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If the dead are rising, then Mythos is in great peril as the
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Northern wastes are rumoured to be home to ancient cities and
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cultures long since lost you. Know what?
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Said Mephitor. Oh for goodness sakes, Mephator,
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were you're not listening to the mages of the convocation.
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Said the visibly annoyed Thistle phone.
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Their ancient texts speak of great cities and empires in the
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Northlands, greater even than any in mythos today.
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Those cities were lost to the snow and ice long ago, and then
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inhabitants with them. If those stories are true, and
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the dead are indeed raising, then we'll be facing an army of
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1,000,000, far greater than Necronominus's.
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With the losses of Olaf actions suffered in the Great War, we
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will likely be unable to repel those sorts of numbers,
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especially since the losses have resulted in power vacuums, new
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rivalries, and infighting. It's the arguments that will
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kill us all as sure as the. Pestilent and now visibly
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worried, Mephitor sat back down. Do you have any more of those
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cookies? Yeah, Santa.
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Sweet treats always helped calm him down.
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Restoring my sleigh. Replied Santa.
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Maybe you can help me find it and the cookies.
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I can even find a present or two for each of you as well.
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Maybe I could have your suit as my present?
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Ask Nepetal. That looks.
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Nice and warm. And I don't know how long I'll
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be up here. Sorry, this suit isn't for
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giving away. Laughed Santa.
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There's a lot of other lovely gifts in my sleigh though.
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Chapter 4 Things get tasty. The three of them began to
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search through the snowdrifts. It was hard work and there was
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no sign of the sleigh. Then suddenly they heard a
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snort, then another. And then another.
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Out from the darkness came Rudolph and the other reindeers,
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pulling the sleigh behind them. Mephitor's eyes grew wide.
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How do? Your pan animals taste.
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He asked, licking his lips. The cookies were good, but these
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look tastier still. They're not food, they're my
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friends. Said Santa, stepping in between
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the reindeer and the drooling and still really, really smelly
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fuzz monk. They look like food.
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To me, Mephitor replied and stepped round Santa, knife
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poised. It was at this point that
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Thistle Thorn smiled himself as he saw the look in the eye of
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the lead animal, the one with the Red Nose.
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This was not a prey animal that was going to be eaten by
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Mephitor, it was a fighter. Sure enough, Thistlethorn's
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instincts proved correct and as Mephitor raised his knife to
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strike, Rudolph lunged forward and gored the Fuzz Monk's side.
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The antlers may look blunt, but with force they were nasty.
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Rudolph threw Mephitor back towards the fire.
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The Fuzz monk staggered to his feet but then fell as the damage
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done to him took effect. He looked down to see blood
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pouring out of a large wound. Using language that would make a
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goblin blush, he cursed the reindeer that had ended.
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His life Santa. Sprang into action and motioned
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to Thistle Thorn to hold his cousin still.
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Thistle Thorn did as the old man suggested, much to Mephitor's
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anger. Santa then pulled a sachet from
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his pocket and sprinkled powder onto the wound.
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While sprinkling, he cast the Christmas enchantment that it
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had been taught many millennia ago.
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To the amazement, and if he was being totally honest,
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disappointment of Thistle thorn, the wound began to heal before
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his eyes. It was soon gone, and Mephitor
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could sense the strength coming back to him.
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Ah, elf dust. You just can't beat it, can you?
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Chapter 5 Present Time With the situation now calm, Santa pulled
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a large bag out of the sleigh. After a good rummage through his
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enormous sack, he pulled out two presents.
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The fuzz monks looked bemused as to why the stranger was handing
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them squares of brightly coloured parchment.
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Seeing their confusion, Santa said.
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Their presents for you. Open them and see what you've
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got. The bemused faces stared blankly
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at him. Wow, thought Santa.
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This really is a strange world if they don't know what these
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are. You open them by pulling the
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bows. Said Santa.
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Again, he got blank looks. Let me show you.
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He said and took another present from his sack and pulled the
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bows apart. He opened the box within and
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showed the two fuzz monks a toy horse.
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The Fuzz Monks. Eagerly pulled their own bows
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and tore open the boxes. Thistle Thorn founded a small
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drinking vessel. Very ornate.
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But solid at the same time. Very useful.
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Mephitor had a small telescope. While Santa didn't agree with
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his spying, he did want to give something to Mephitor that would
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show presents a good things and maybe even warm his cold heart a
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little. Both Fuzz monks thanked Santa
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for their gifts while he ate more cookies.
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Now then. Said Santa.
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Let's talk about that in fighting, shall we, and how that
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puts you all in danger. Chapter 6.
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A plan is born. Santa regaled the Fuzz monks
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with tales of how his presence had helped diffuse tensions on
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earth many times over the millennia.
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Mephotor sat there thinking what an arrogant old git this fat man
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was, as if he could stop people fighting.
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Santa finished his stories and then looking directly at,
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Mephotor said. You see, Mephotor, you and
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Thistlethorne haven't argued for a good hour now, so the presents
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and good spirit do work. Thistlethorne chuckled to
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himself. Mephitol, realising the old fat
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man was right, was furious but at the same time impressed that
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it had worked. He couldn't remember ever having
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gone so long without arguing with or wanting to bestow
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physical harm to his smug goody goody.
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Cousin presents may help, but how do we get them to the?
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People. Asked Thistlethorn.
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He was beginning to think Santa might be on to something here.
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I think getting them cookies would also help.
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Shouted Mephitor, getting extremely excited at the thought
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of more of these amazing treats. That part.
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Is easy replied. Santa.
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Turning to the reindeer, he shouted.
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Dash away. And the reindeer took flight,
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pulling the sleigh behind them. After circling the camp several
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times, they landed with Rudolph looking very happy with himself,
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almost as if he was showing off to Mephitor.
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They are very, very fast as well.
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Said Santa. We can get around your whole
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world in a few hours. How will?
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We get the presents to the people though, when we're there.
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Asked Thistlethorn. Like this?
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Said Santa. Clicking his fingers and turning
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into blue mist and zipping lightning fast around the sled.
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OK, said Thistlethorn. Let's give this a go.
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But but but the undead. Standard mephitor.
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What about them? Let's deal with the arguments
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and in fighting first cousin and then worry what may or may not
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be coming our way. Replied Thistlethorn.
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With agreement reached, the first monks climbed on board the
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Sleigh Mephitor nervously while he kept an eye on a very angry
18:32
looking Rudolph. Dash, dash.
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Away yelled. Santa.
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And the reindeer took to the sky.
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In only a few minutes they found themselves over the castle of
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Four Sides. Santa could see below him
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several groups of figures acting in a very animated manner.
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Chapter 7. The Arrival.
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There you go. Said Thistlethorn all.
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Those wee people are still arguing down there.
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It's been like this for months. New each day the various.
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Groups and faction. Leaders come out into the court
19:08
yard and argue over who now controls which parts of mythos
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in the Wake and Destruction. The old factions used to control
19:15
said territories, but that's all fragmented new After the war,
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lots of lesser groups led by the Sons of the Red Star want lands
19:25
of their own having helped defeat the evil gods.
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It's only a matter of time before outright violence breaks
19:32
out between them all, even old allies.
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When it does. That will be the end for all of
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us, if indeed the undead are coming.
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Well, it's up to us and the spirit of Christmas to make sure
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that doesn't happen. You 2 Get ready to spread the
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word. With that, Santa shouted to the
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reindeer to land. The denizens gathered in the
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huge courtyard all turned almost as one when they heard bells
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ring in a strange whooshing sound.
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They then dived for cover when they saw what was coming their
20:05
way. Santa landed the sleigh neatly
20:08
in the centre of the courtyard. He was happy, the reindeer was
20:11
as accurate as ever, despite the strange adventures of this
20:13
night. His happiness soon disappeared
20:16
though, as hundreds of very angry looking humans, orcs,
20:19
elves, dwarves and numerous other races pulled out their
20:22
weapons to kill the intruder. The two Fuzz monks leapt out
20:26
from the sleigh, placed their weapons on the ground and
20:28
implored everyone to stay calm. The sight of a respected member
20:32
of the Armies of Light and a foul being disliked by most
20:36
stating the same thing stopped the scene turning ugly.
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For now, anyway. Who did this?
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You book to the sacred castle. Asked the tiller.
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Are you trying to push the claims of Artemis or Scapula for
20:50
control of the new? Area of land.
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If you are. Then my army and my mighty
20:56
hammer will. Stop you.
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What a Dick, thought mephitor. Everyone knows us a fake hammer.
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The. Orcs will not yield to human
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rule. Growled Vorthog, staring
21:08
directly at Santa. We didn't free ourselves of
21:11
Heritage Yoke to be ruled by anyone other than an orc.
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That's what Queen Irksa would have wanted.
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Friends, you are all my friends. Please carve yourself.
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I have not come here to rule over anyone or to take anyone's
21:33
land. I have simply come to share the
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Christmas spirit and message of goodwill to all mere beings.
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Santa quickly corrected himself. Naming one race was not a good
21:45
idea, he thought. He speaks the.
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Truth, shouted Thistlethorn. Chapter 8.
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Presence. It's always about the presence.
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He brings presents and good food for.
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All, Exclaimed Mephitor. The talk of good food caused the
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rumble of appreciative noises from all assembled.
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The devastation of the Second Great War meant anything vaguely
22:09
edible was an extremely short supply.
22:12
Seizing on the positive notes, Thistle, Thorn, and Mephitor
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took sacks of cookies from the sleigh and began handing them
22:19
out to everyone. As soon as people took a bite,
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the mood noticeably changed and smiles began to appear.
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And now the presence. Declared Santa.
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With that he grabbed his huge sack and with a flash turned
22:35
into blue mist, once again darting at the speed barely
22:38
visible from person to person. Almost as soon as he started, he
22:42
was stood back alongside the sleigh and everyone looked down
22:46
to find a box covered in bright parchment in their hands.
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You open it like this. Shouted a now very excited
22:53
metal. He proceeded to pull at his bow
22:55
and then open the box. Go on everyone, it's your turn
22:59
now. He shouted.
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Everyone was confused by what was happening and also
23:03
distracted by the really iffy smell coming from the first
23:06
monk, but they felt great having eaten a cookie or three, so
23:10
followed the instructions. Happy murmurs and even gasps
23:14
spread amongst the group as one by one they open their presents.
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Mephoto didn't think he had ever seen an orc smile before, he
23:21
just presumed they couldn't. The gathered throng found some
23:25
overwhelming urge to show others their present, and dwarf and
23:29
goblin alike chatted. Wiggly Santa smiled broadly at
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the sight. You see, my little friends,
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Christmas magic will always defeat anger.
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He said to the 2 fuzz monks. Now everyone, what say you all
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talk about what you will do with your newly saved world together?
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With those words, the various races, groups, and factions
23:53
began talking and quickly agreed on a peaceful way forward.
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They would share what they had saved and vowed to keep Mythos
24:00
safe. Chapter 9 Time to go.
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Well my friends, my time here is done.
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I must return to my own world now.
24:13
There are a lot of children I still need to deliver presents
24:16
to tonight. Thank you, Nicholas.
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Said Thistlethorn. Will we see you again?
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No, alas you won't. But hopefully next winter you
24:29
will all remember how good this moment felt and bring the same
24:33
spirit to mythos again. With that, Santa leptin to his
24:37
sleigh and flew up into the night sky towards a shimmering
24:41
bright light. And then he was gone.
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The end. Oh, the Euro Legions boys have
24:54
asked me to add some people to my nice list this year, and in
25:02
no particular order, they are Chris James, Anthony Howseal
25:10
Archer Hawke, Benjamin Kostanovich, Big Dobb, Bill
25:18
Dronowski, Brett Stoddart, Curtis Ackerman, David Williams,
25:28
Dr Grim Customs. Dylan Strickhart, Gaber Arpad
25:36
Sirchek. Forgive my pronunciation.
25:39
Santa's had a long night. Jonathan Dunath, Jade Russo.
25:47
Jeremy Govier, Jesse Arnold, Joe Gonzalez, Kevin M Boots, Kieran
25:58
Imond. Carlo Alachi.
26:03
Matt Drake. Scott Baker, Sean Svarna, Stefan
26:10
Delatour, T Ballet, DJ Colligan. Oh, and I see a naughty boy
26:17
here, Trevor Williams and Van Johnson.
26:22
Oh, I believe the boys have said that says thank you very much
26:26
for your help and all your support this year too.
26:29
Thank you. Did anyone else just see?
26:32
Santa just what? Bravo, Santa, that.
26:38
Was all well done? Thank you, patrons.
26:41
Yes. Thank patrons.
26:43
Yeah. We love you, Patrons.
26:44
We love you. Happy New Year.
26:46
See. You next.
26:47
Year cheers. And stay safe out there
26:51
everybody. During this festive period.
26:53
If you drink a little too much like Santa does, occasionally,
26:56
get an Uber home. Watch out for sleepy surfaces,
27:00
and if a family member buys you a sharp object, try not to stab
27:03
anybody. Stay safe.