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Transcript

What To Do When Life Gets Hard · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:00
  Hey, everybody.
• 0:01
  Are you having a great day?
• 0:02
  Yes.
• 0:03
  Oh, no, you're not?
• 0:05
  It's okay.
• 0:05
  I got you.
• 0:07
  I'm Tif Loeffler.
• 0:08
  Welcome to Positively Yours.
• 0:10
  I'm going to share Tif's tips, techniques, and a little bit of magic
• 0:13
  to help you up level and have a great day every day.
• 0:18
  Are you ready to get started?
• 0:20
  Yeah!
• 0:21
  Oh, you're not?
• 0:22
  That's okay.
• 0:23
  I still got you.
• 0:24
  Let's go.
• 0:27
  You know, I'm not sure how to answer this question.
• 0:30
  Okay, what's the question?
• 0:31
  I'm glad I asked.
• 0:32
  The question is, and please know that I wish, wish I could be this expert
• 0:43
  that could wave the magic fairy wand and you're going to have a great day
• 0:46
  every day, no matter what.
• 0:47
  But I've heard this question.
• 0:50
  I've asked it myself.
• 0:51
  How can I have a great day?
• 0:52
  I don't deserve to have a great day.
• 0:55
  Because of X, Y, and Z, because of 1, 2, 3, it's not in the cards today.
• 1:04
  Then the next day is the same way.
• 1:06
  I can't have a great day.
• 1:09
  There's just too much to do.
• 1:12
  I'm still cleaning up yesterday.
• 1:14
  Today doesn't look much better.
• 1:17
  I don't think tomorrow is going to look good.
• 1:19
  I don't know how I can have a great day.
• 1:21
  I'm just going to have to get through the day.
• 1:24
  Even worse, even if things are going well, what do you say to yourself?
• 1:32
  Something's going to happen and I'm not going to have a great day.
• 1:36
  So I better be careful, not really enjoy the day because the other shoe's
• 1:41
  going to drop.
• 1:42
  There's that saying that it indicates things are fine now.
• 1:47
  Oh, just you wait.
• 1:49
  Things will get worse.
• 1:52
  And to that I say, yes, and also, I love the term and also, I'm not an either or
• 2:02
  type of girl.
• 2:02
  I'm a and also, I always want my options and I want them to be fabulous.
• 2:08
  So here's the deal, as best as I can say right now.
• 2:15
  Why are we even asking that question?
• 2:18
  As I love to say to my ladies, I hold dear to my heart.
• 2:21
  Why would you ever apologize for being fabulous?
• 2:23
  And that's a way of apologizing for being fabulous saying I can't have a great
• 2:27
  day.
• 2:27
  I don't deserve it.
• 2:29
  What?
• 2:31
  Questioning your deservedness of having a great day is not a question to ever ask
• 2:37
  in the history of you.
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  There we are.
• 2:40
  Instead, let's workshop a little bit and think of some alternative.
• 2:45
  Perhaps saying right now and again, I don't care how long this is, you can say
• 2:52
  to yourself, I deserve to have a great day.
• 2:55
  Leave it at that or could be even as a bit rambly as you know what?
• 3:01
  Even though today I am feeling like I don't deserve a great day.
• 3:04
  I understand that.
• 3:05
  I really don't have to ask that question.
• 3:08
  In fact, I can say to myself, is that a question I could even ask?
• 3:11
  And by the time I say that my brain is saying, wait, what are we talking about?
• 3:15
  What's going on?
• 3:17
  You can even do something like this.
• 3:18
  If your brain for some reason decides to say, oh, no, you can't have a great day.
• 3:24
  You could turn to that thought.
• 3:28
  You can say this to yourself.
• 3:29
  You could say it out loud, maybe not in public, although that could be interesting
• 3:33
  and just say shut up.
• 3:36
  The thought is going, wait, what?
• 3:38
  Yeah, you.
• 3:40
  In the corner right now.
• 3:42
  Go, go, go.
• 3:43
  Yeah, right now.
• 3:43
  No, I don't.
• 3:44
  Talk to the hand.
• 3:45
  Get in the corner.
• 3:47
  How could you even ask me that question?
• 3:49
  Do I even deserve to have a great?
• 3:50
  What are you serious?
• 3:52
  And you could just be as obnoxiously dramatic as you want to be.
• 3:55
  You can be as powerfully centered.
• 3:59
  Just say, excuse me.
• 4:03
  I've decided I am having a great day.
• 4:06
  Even if I have no freaking clue how I am going to figure it out because I am amazing.
• 4:12
  I am absolutely the best out there.
• 4:15
  Now.
• 4:16
  I know some people at this point going.
• 4:17
  Oh my God, really?
• 4:17
  You know what?
• 4:18
  We do not compliment ourselves enough and there are so many external forces out there
• 4:23
  that we so easily allow to slip right under the radar.
• 4:28
  Put up camp and then say to you, you don't deserve to have a great day.
• 4:32
  You don't get to have a great day.
• 4:33
  You messed up.
• 4:35
  I can't even look at the camera.
• 4:36
  Don't want you to ever internalize this, but let's just list it off.
• 4:39
  You're stupid.
• 4:40
  You're small.
• 4:41
  You screwed up.
• 4:42
  You're ugly.
• 4:43
  You're fat.
• 4:44
  You're thin.
• 4:45
  You're dumb.
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  You talk too much.
• 4:47
  You don't talk enough.
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  You dress weird.
• 4:50
  You dress like everybody else.
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  Your hair is too long.
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  Your hair is too short.
• 4:53
  I don't like your eye color.
• 4:55
  I mean, we're just going to go on and on and on.
• 4:57
  It gets to a point where I'm what?
• 5:01
  Because we chose to come onto this planet.
• 5:04
  I've been told and I got to tell you there's a lot of times I look around going.
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  Why?
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  I mean, of course, I love my family and friends.
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  I love life.
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  I appreciate things in life.
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  And also there are a lot of external things going on.
• 5:19
  And I think really I consciously shows at some area in the universe.
• 5:25
  Yes, I'm going to come down to Earth.
• 5:26
  I'm going to experience all of these things and what?
• 5:33
  Now, I do like to be silly and I like to laugh.
• 5:36
  I like to have fun.
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  I've been told that I shouldn't be that way at times.
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  Like you're just too silly.
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  You try to make light.
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  I actually don't mind playing the fool.
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  If I can make someone laugh, that makes me so happy.
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  I wish I was a professional comedian.
• 5:51
  Although I've been told like, you know, it's just you just it's when I'm not trying.
• 5:57
  I can do it some of the time and I appreciate that, right?
• 6:01
  I'll take it.
• 6:03
  And once in a great while if I'm trying to be funny, it works a lot of time.
• 6:06
  It doesn't I think.
• 6:07
  Oh, well, that's okay.
• 6:08
  I tried and a sense of humor I feel is essential for getting through and having a great day.
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  So if I were to offer a tip for the day on how to have a great day, as much laughter and having as big of a sense of humor as you can possibly have is very good.
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  I don't care if it's a dad joke.
• 6:29
  I don't care because I like dad jokes.
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  I can't think of one off the top of my head, but you know, go look one up.
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  This is a fantastic way to go on the Internet and look up some funny jokes.
• 6:39
  I love comedians.
• 6:42
  I love listening to specials on whatever streaming service.
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  I love that.
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  I love old shows that are sitcoms.
• 6:51
  It's funny that the things you thought were funny and then they're not so funny anymore.
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  But then there are new things that you find hilarious.
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  I love reading funny books.
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  I love comics.
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  I love I love puppetry.
• 7:02
  Oh, I love puppetry.
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  I love I love just about anything that can make me laugh.
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  I readily accept it.
• 7:13
  And I think acceptance of laughter in your life is again, incredible way to not only have a great day because I want you to have a great day.
• 7:23
  And if you're not having a great day, I got you.
• 7:26
  Let's talk about it.
• 7:26
  Let's work it out.
• 7:27
  Let's workshop it.
• 7:28
  Whatever we got to do.
• 7:30
  Whatever song and dance, whatever silliness.
• 7:34
  I mean, like, what did one ghost say to the other ghost?
• 7:36
  Oh, you look so bootiful tonight.
• 7:38
  I mean, I'm just trying to think of some silly, like, it's the only thing I could think of.
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  Please excuse me.
• 7:43
  I did not have it prepared ahead of time in this podcast.
• 7:46
  A list of jokes.
• 7:48
  Although now I'm thinking about it.
• 7:49
  That would be a fun thing to have.
• 7:53
  So, laughter is making me think, did you just apologize?
• 8:03
  It could be very easy to apologize.
• 8:06
  And say, oh, no, I'm sorry.
• 8:08
  I did something wrong.
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  I'm sorry.
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  I didn't mean to.
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  I made a mistake.
• 8:13
  I didn't do something 100% right.
• 8:15
  I want to hide.
• 8:17
  It's okay.
• 8:18
  I'm not here to say, hey, did you just apologize?
• 8:22
  Don't do that.
• 8:22
  Because life happens.
• 8:25
  And depending on how we were raised, we might have a whole string of, sorry about that.
• 8:30
  I'm sorry.
• 8:30
  Sorry about that.
• 8:31
  Sorry.
• 8:33
  I'm trying to remember, and perhaps I can, that instead of saying, I'm sorry, you could say something like, I appreciate you giving me a moment here.
• 8:44
  Because that could be fun.
• 8:45
  Because that just gives your brain a way to reconfigure and say, oh, yeah, are we going down the apology route?
• 8:50
  Yeah, we don't have to do that.
• 8:52
  The world, the outside world would love nothing more, and I haven't figured this out.
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  They would love nothing more than to have you be small and sorry for yourself.
• 9:03
  Because if you don't shine good, then they don't have to worry about it.
• 9:11
  I want to have a great day.
• 9:12
  If I'm going to have a great day, then guess what?
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  I think I need to be shining my light, whether it is a huge spotlight, whether it's a little flashlight.
• 9:21
  What if it's a candle?
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  I don't care.
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  That's fine.
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  I love it.
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  Shine that light.
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  Do your thing.
• 9:26
  People are going to constantly want to cut you down, to build you up, to cut you down, to build you up.
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  Do you see the pattern?
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  Because I don't want to keep saying it.
• 9:36
  We have so many external reasons that could so easily swoop right in, grab our great day and say,
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  Nope, not today.
• 9:50
  And it truly is up to us to say, oh, wait, hold on.
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  Oh, you meant this?
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  No, this is mine.
• 9:56
  This is my great day.
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  I'm taking it back, and you can take it back at any time.
• 10:02
  I want really to impress upon you this fact.
• 10:09
  You are amazing just as you are.
• 10:12
  And I love telling clients, you are amazing just as you are right now.
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  You do not need anything right now.
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  You got it all.
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  And no matter what, no matter what stage you're in, you've got it all.
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  And clients and customers want you just as you are right now, this very instant.
• 10:29
  They're ready for you right now.
• 10:32
  I find it abhorrent in any industry where someone says, well, in order to be as good as I am, or in order to get to this level,
• 10:39
  you are simply going to have to do A, B, C, and D.
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  You're going to have to be put in a certain box.
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  You are going to have to put yourself in precarious financial situations.
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  But don't worry, it'll all work out.
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  It usually works out for that person.
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  Now, a lot of times they're not trying to do it on purpose to hurt you.
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  Everybody's just trying to make a living.
• 10:59
  Okay.
• 11:01
  And also, so are you.
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  You are a person of integrity.
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  You are a person that has what it takes right now.
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  The reason I bring that up is because you will be at times bombarded by all of these messages saying, buy this, do this, change this, be this, don't be this, be this again, don't be this one more time.
• 11:24
  Maybe you could be this.
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  You're never going to be this unless you do A, B, and C.
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  I'll tell you how I really feel later.
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  But okay.
• 11:33
  Now what I want to continue with is, because I help, I feel my helpfulness could be in the sense that I'm sharing with people how to set up systems that are uniquely theirs.
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  There are universals.
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  Okay.
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  It is really good too.
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  And I'm going to offer it right now.
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  I like to call this a Celestial Service Announcement.
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  We are made of water quite a bit, and it's important to hydrate ourselves throughout the day.
• 12:04
  So I am not going to apologize.
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  I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am taking a sip of water right now.
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  Thank you.
• 12:16
  Where was I?
• 12:18
  I want to talk about external factors that are affecting how you're having a great day.
• 12:24
  Currently, I would like to discuss, through the lens of helping clients and customers have a great day, perhaps one of the greatest reminders is, again, you've got what it takes.
• 12:37
  You're here right now for a reason.
• 12:39
  You want what you want.
• 12:40
  You know what you want.
• 12:42
  That's something else I want to talk about.
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  You know what you want.
• 12:45
  Now, maybe we don't know exactly how it's going to happen, but you have got that inner inside of you saying, this is what I want.
• 12:52
  And so many people will say, is it really?
• 12:56
  Maybe you should do this instead, or you can't have that until you buy my products, my services, what I'm doing.
• 13:05
  You have to do it my way.
• 13:08
  Now, there's a difference.
• 13:10
  I feel very strong difference between that, and it truly is an intuition, and I don't mean it's just a gut reaction.
• 13:20
  You know, people say, you got to go with your gut.
• 13:23
  At times, I feel there's this beautiful blend of your mind and your heart that has a synergy that you know intuitively when something is right.
• 13:36
  And there are a lot of people out there, and I will even go so far as to boldly say there are outside, awful, evil forces that would love nothing more than to distract you and to keep you from thinking that.
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  Why?
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  Because it's not in their best interest.
• 13:50
  They want to keep you distracted, and they want to keep you down.
• 13:54
  And I'm all about the uplift.
• 13:56
  So what I mean is you can intellectually think something is very good, and it might not be the thing for you.
• 14:04
  You could be extremely emotional feeling, but I must do this, and it might not be good or it might be good.
• 14:11
  How do you know?
• 14:12
  You truly need to have a moment to sit with yourself and just feel into it just for a moment.
• 14:17
  You don't have to meditate for hours.
• 14:19
  But anybody who tells you, you have to do it right now or it's over.
• 14:26
  Now it's my turn to say, is it?
• 14:31
  Pretty sure five seconds have gone by and I have not been struck by lightning.
• 14:35
  The earth has not opened up to swallow me.
• 14:37
  I guess I'm okay.
• 14:39
  You know, you have to act now.
• 14:41
  You have to buy it now.
• 14:43
  And I'm sorry, all sales are final.
• 14:45
  But if you don't buy it, you're going to regret it the rest of your life.
• 14:48
  I am here to talk just a moment, ladies and gentlemen, about FOMO.
• 14:53
  Fear of missing out.
• 14:56
  Because it doesn't matter if you're in business or not, but it does happen a lot in business.
• 15:04
  You have that fear of missing out, whether it's attending an event, purchasing a product, taking a service on.
• 15:14
  It doesn't, that part doesn't matter.
• 15:16
  What does matter is that you have the choice.
• 15:20
  I am going to speak from a personal example.
• 15:23
  When I got into business, there was one particular instance where I completely gave away my power.
• 15:30
  I gave it.
• 15:30
  I just went, here it is.
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  I'm giving it to you because I don't think I can handle it.
• 15:37
  I will say that was not the best business decision and caused many years of financial strife.
• 15:43
  And I'm still doing my best to work through that.
• 15:46
  But you know what?
• 15:46
  I am, I am.
• 15:47
  And it is much better.
• 15:48
  So I don't want to, I'm not doing the, for me.
• 15:51
  I will say, looking back, I am giving so much love to that younger self and saying, hey girl, it's okay.
• 15:59
  Now, moving forward, if anybody were to say that, I would say, interesting.
• 16:03
  Bye bye.
• 16:04
  You don't have to listen to people's offer if you don't like it.
• 16:09
  We, back in the day, only had pretty much three major channels on a television.
• 16:14
  And when the commercials came on, we would click to go to the next.
• 16:18
  And just even if we caught a couple of moments of a different program, unless the commercials were really good, back in the day, they were awesome.
• 16:25
  You just like to watch them just for fun.
• 16:27
  I'm not talking about those commercials.
• 16:29
  I'm talking about the ones that just really keep hammering in the fact that you are so broken.
• 16:34
  If you don't do X, Y, or Z by one, two, three, you're not worth it.
• 16:40
  You can't have a great day.
• 16:42
  Nope, you don't deserve it.
• 16:44
  It's just not in the cards to, oh, it's always in the cards to have a great day.
• 16:49
  It's in the cards to have a great day just to say, you know what?
• 16:51
  I decided not to choose something and look, I'm still alive.
• 16:56
  Fantastic.
• 16:57
  Just that personal power of saying, you know what?
• 17:00
  I made a choice.
• 17:02
  Maybe it wasn't the right choice.
• 17:03
  You know what?
• 17:04
  You make decisions, you keep moving forward, and life continues.
• 17:09
  And that is my one, if I were to say a final thought for why you must not allow external forces to determine whether or not you get to have a great day, deserve to have a great day.
• 17:24
  And here's why.
• 17:25
  No matter what, no matter what glorious opportunities, no matter what horrible tragedies, life goes on.
• 17:33
  Life goes on for other people.
• 17:35
  And you have to please, please understand that I mean this with all the love in my heart.
• 17:43
  Please know that you deserve to have your life go on, no matter what.
• 17:48
  You absolutely do.
• 17:49
  If I were to use the word deserve in a good way, you deserve to have a great day every day.
• 17:52
  You deserve to have things happen that are wonderful.
• 17:54
  If something doesn't happen, that's wonderful.
• 17:56
  You've got what it takes to get through it.
• 17:59
  You process through the best you can.
• 18:00
  You get help when you need it, not when someone else tells you you need it.
• 18:06
  Oh my, I'm getting a little froggy in the throat.
• 18:08
  I think because it just could feel so overwhelming.
• 18:12
  And to wrap it up on a note of overwhelm.
• 18:16
  Again, people who have maybe not your best interest at heart would love nothing more than for you to continue to be swallowed up, drowning in overwhelm.
• 18:28
  Because that gives you decision fatigue, makes it harder to have a great day for sure.
• 18:34
  And I just want to remind you that you have the power to make a decision.
• 18:39
  Like taking a sip of water and clearing your throat.
• 18:48
  Because life goes on no matter what.
• 18:51
  Life just keeps moving on.
• 18:53
  It never goes back.
• 18:55
  The overwhelm is real.
• 18:58
  And I've heard different examples of overwhelm.
• 19:03
  The one that sticks with me is overwhelm is because of a lack of decision making.
• 19:08
  So one of the best ways to overcome overwhelm is to just start making decisions.
• 19:13
  And I have people that have supported me in that and I love it.
• 19:16
  Just saying I'm making a decision.
• 19:18
  Do I want to wear the pink shirt or the green shirt?
• 19:22
  Am I going to put this flower in my hair or the other flower in my hair?
• 19:24
  Not to put too fine a point on it.
• 19:26
  It doesn't really matter, the decision.
• 19:28
  Just allow yourself to just make some nice quick decisions.
• 19:30
  Move along.
• 19:32
  Know that your brain has a capacity throughout the day, external forces.
• 19:36
  Keep that in mind to have a great day.
• 19:38
  To keep at bay this external conundrum of people.
• 19:47
  Just say to yourself, you know what?
• 19:50
  I'm here today.
• 19:51
  This is my day.
• 19:52
  I am having a great day.
• 19:54
  I'm making decisions as best I can.
• 19:56
  I'm not going to dwell on it too much.
• 19:58
  If I do, that's all right.
• 19:59
  And also, it's my day.
• 20:01
  Make a choice.
• 20:02
  Move on.
• 20:02
  Because everyone else is doing the same thing.
• 20:05
  We all like to think that we are the one that the, it's okay to think this.
• 20:11
  Like, oh, what are people going to think of me?
• 20:12
  People are thinking about themselves.
• 20:14
  They might outwardly appear that they are concerned with how you are presenting
• 20:20
  themselves to you.
• 20:22
  But I have a hunch that internally most people are just thinking about themselves.
• 20:26
  And what they're dealing with.
• 20:28
  So when you understand that that is a facade, you get to set it to the side
• 20:32
  and say, oh, I get it.
• 20:34
  You know what?
• 20:35
  I'm going to do what's best for me.
• 20:37
  Because I'm a person of integrity.
• 20:39
  I'm authentic.
• 20:41
  That means it's best for everybody.
• 20:43
  And that's what I want you to take with you as you have a great day.