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09 - Unnatural Death by Dorothy L. Sayers · Unnatural Death

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  Speaker 1: Chapter nine of Unnatural Death by Dorothy Sayers. This LibriVox
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  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. The will, our wills,
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  Speaker 1: our ours to make them thine Tennyson in Memoriam, Hallo
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  Speaker 1: Allo Allo, oh operator, shall I call thee bird or
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  Speaker 1: but a wandering voice? Not at all? I had no
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  Speaker 1: intention of being rude, my child. That was a quotation
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  Speaker 1: from the poetry of mister Wordsworth. Well ring him again.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you? Is that doctor Carr, Lord Peter Whimsey speaking?
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  Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, ah, not a bit of it. We
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  Speaker 1: are about to vindicate you and lead you home decorated
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  Speaker 1: with triumphal wreaths of cinnamon and cenopods. No, really, we've
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  Speaker 1: come to the conclusion that the thing is serious. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: I want Nurse Forbes's address, right, I'll hold on Lutton
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  Speaker 1: oh tooting, Yes, I've got that, certainly. I've no doubt
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  Speaker 1: she's a tartar. But I'm the grand panjadrum with the
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  Speaker 1: little round button a top. Thanks awfully, cheer frightfully. Ho oh,
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  Speaker 1: I say hullo. I say she doesn't do maternity work?
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  Speaker 1: Does she maternity work? M for mother in law? Maternity? No,
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  Speaker 1: you're sure it would be simply awful. If she did
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  Speaker 1: and came along, I couldn't possibly produce a baby for
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  Speaker 1: her as long as you are quite sure, right right, yes,
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  Speaker 1: not for the world. Nothing to do with you at all.
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  Speaker 1: Good Bye, old thing, good bye. Lord. Peter hung up,
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  Speaker 1: whistling cheerfully, and called for bunter. My Lord, what is
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  Speaker 1: the proper suit to put on bunter when one is
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  Speaker 1: an expectant father? I regret, my lord, to have seen
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  Speaker 1: no recent fashions in paternity where I should say, my Lord,
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  Speaker 1: whichever suit your lordship fancies will induce a calm and
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  Speaker 1: cheerful frame of mind in the lady. Unfortunately, I don't
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  Speaker 1: know the lady. She is, in fact only the figment
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  Speaker 1: of an overteeming brain. But I think the garments should
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  Speaker 1: express bright hope, self congratulateations and a tinge of tender
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  Speaker 1: anxiety a newly married situation, my Lord, I take it.
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  Speaker 1: Then I would suggest the labe suit in pale gray,
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  Speaker 1: the willow huissycloth, my lord, with a dull amethyst tie
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  Speaker 1: and socks and a soft hat. I would not recommend
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  Speaker 1: a bowler, my Lord. The anxiety expressed in a bowler
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  Speaker 1: hat would be rather of the financial kind. No doubt
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  Speaker 1: you are right, Bunter, and I will wear those gloves
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  Speaker 1: that you got so unfortunately soiled yesterday at Charing Cross.
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  Speaker 1: I am too agitated to worry about a clean pair.
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  Speaker 1: Very good, my lord. No stick. Perhaps, subject to your
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  Speaker 1: lordship's better judgment, I should suggest that a stick may
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  Speaker 1: be suitably handled to express emotion. You are always right, Bunter.
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  Speaker 1: Call me a taxi and tell the man to drive
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  Speaker 1: to Tooting. Nurse Forbes regretted very much. She would have
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  Speaker 1: liked to oblige mister Sims Gaythorpe, but she never undertook
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  Speaker 1: maternity work. She wondered who could have misled mister sims
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  Speaker 1: Gathorpe by giving him her name? Well, you know, I
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  Speaker 1: can't say I was misled, said mister Sims Gaythorpe, dropping
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  Speaker 1: his walking stick and retrieving it with an ingenuous laugh.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Murgatroyd, you know, Miss Murgatroyd of Lee Hampton. I think, yes,
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  Speaker 1: she that is, I heard about you through her. This
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  Speaker 1: was a fact, and she said, what a charming person.
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  Speaker 1: Excuse my repeat in these personal remarks. Won't you what
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  Speaker 1: a charming person you were and all that? And how
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  Speaker 1: nice it would be if we could persuade you to come,
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  Speaker 1: don't you see? But she said she was afraid perhaps
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  Speaker 1: you didn't do maternity work. Still, you know, I thought
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  Speaker 1: it was worth trying. What beIN so anxious? What about
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  Speaker 1: my wife? That is, you see, so necessary to have
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  Speaker 1: some one young and cheery at these er critical times.
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  Speaker 1: Don't you know? Maternity nurses often such ancient and ponderous
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  Speaker 1: sort of people. If you don't mind my saying so,
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  Speaker 1: my wife's highly nervous, naturally first effort and all that
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  Speaker 1: doesn't like middle aged people tramplin about, you see. Nurse Forbes,
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  Speaker 1: who was a bony woman of about forty, saw the
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  Speaker 1: point perfectly and was very sorry. She really could not
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  Speaker 1: see her way to undertaking the work. It was very
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  Speaker 1: kind of miss Murgatroy, she said, do you know her well?
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  Speaker 1: Such a delightful woman, is she not? The expectant father agreed,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Murgatroy was so very much impressed by your sympathetic way.
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  Speaker 1: Don't you know of nursing that poor old lady, Miss Dawson,
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  Speaker 1: You know, distant connection of my own as a matter
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  Speaker 1: of fact, er, yes, somewhere about fifteenth cousin twelve times
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  Speaker 1: removed so nervous. Wasn't she a little bit eccentric like
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  Speaker 1: the rest of the family, But a charming old lady.
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  Speaker 1: Don't you think I became very much attached to her,
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  Speaker 1: said Nurse Forbes. When she was in full possession of
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  Speaker 1: her faculties, she was a most pleasant and thoughtful patient.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, she was in great pain, and we had
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  Speaker 1: to keep her under morphia a great part of the time. Ah, yes,
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  Speaker 1: poor old Soul, I sometimes think, nurse, it's a great
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  Speaker 1: pity we aren't allowed just to help people off, you know,
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  Speaker 1: when they're so far gone. After all, they're practically dead already,
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  Speaker 1: As you might say, what's the point of keepin em
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  Speaker 1: suffering on like that? Nurse Forbes looked rather sharply at him.
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  Speaker 1: I'm afraid that wouldn't do, she said, though one understands
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  Speaker 1: the lay person's point of view. Of course, Doctor Carr
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  Speaker 1: was not of your opinion, she added a little acidly.
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  Speaker 1: I think all that fuss was simply shockin, said the
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  Speaker 1: gentleman warmly. Poor old Soul, I said to my wife
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  Speaker 1: at the time, why couldn't they let the poor old
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  Speaker 1: thing rest? Fancy cutting her about when obviously she'd just
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  Speaker 1: mercifully gone off in the natural way. My wife quite
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  Speaker 1: agreed with me. She was quite upset about it, don't
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  Speaker 1: you know? It was very distressing to everybody concerned, said
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  Speaker 1: Nurse Forbes. And of course it put me in a
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  Speaker 1: very awkward position. I ought not to talk about it.
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  Speaker 1: But as you are one of the family, you will
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  Speaker 1: quite understand. Just so. Did it ever occur to you? Nurse?
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  Speaker 1: Mister sims Gaythorpe leaned forward, crushing his soft hat between
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  Speaker 1: his hands in a nervous manner, that there might be
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  Speaker 1: something behind all that. Nurse Forbes primmed her lips. You know,
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  Speaker 1: said mister sims Gathorpe. There have been cases of doctors
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  Speaker 1: trying to get rich old ladies to make wills in
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  Speaker 1: their favor. You don't think, eh. Nurse Forbes intimated that
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  Speaker 1: it was not her business to think things. No, of course,
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  Speaker 1: not certainly not. But as man to man, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: between you and me, what wasn't there a little er
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  Speaker 1: friction perhaps about sending for the solicitor Johnny, don't you know?
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  Speaker 1: Of course, my cousin Mary, I call her cousin so
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  Speaker 1: to speak, but it's no relation at all really, of course,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, she's an awfully nice girl and all that
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  Speaker 1: sort of thing. But I'd got a sort of idea.
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  Speaker 1: Perhaps she wasn't altogether keen on having the will making
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  Speaker 1: while I sent for what. Oh, mister Sims Gaythorpe, I'm
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  Speaker 1: sure you're quite wrong there. Miss Whittaker was most anxious
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  Speaker 1: that her aunt should have every facility in that way.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, I don't think I'm betraying any confidence in
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  Speaker 1: telling you this. She said to me. If at any
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  Speaker 1: time Miss Dawson should express a wish to see a lawyer,
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  Speaker 1: be sure you sent for him at once. And so
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  Speaker 1: of course I did. You did, and didn't he come?
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  Speaker 1: Then certainly he came. There was no difficulty about it
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  Speaker 1: at all. There. That just shows, doesn't it, how wrong
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  Speaker 1: some of these gossipy females can be. Excuse me, but
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  Speaker 1: you know I got absolutely the wrong impression about the thing.
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  Speaker 1: I'm quite sure missus Peasgood said that no lawyer had
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  Speaker 1: been sent for. I don't know what missus Peasgood could
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  Speaker 1: have known about it, said Nurse Forbes with a sniff.
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  Speaker 1: Her permission was not asked in the matter, certainly not.
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  Speaker 1: But you know how these ideas get about. But I say,
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  Speaker 1: if there was a will, why wasn't it produced? I
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  Speaker 1: didn't say that, mister Sims Gaythorpe. There was no will.
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  Speaker 1: The lawyer came to draw up a power of attorney
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  Speaker 1: so that Miss Whittaker could sign checks and so on
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  Speaker 1: for her aunt. That was very necessary, you know, on
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  Speaker 1: account of the old lady's failing powers. Yes, I suppose
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  Speaker 1: she was pretty wooly towards the end. Well, she was
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  Speaker 1: quite sensible when I took over from Nurse Phileater in September,
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  Speaker 1: except of course, for that fancy she had about poisoning.
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  Speaker 1: She really was afraid of that. She said once or twice,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to die to please anybody. Nurse. She
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  Speaker 1: had great confidence in me. She got on better with
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  Speaker 1: me than with Miss Whittaker, to tell you the truth,
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  Speaker 1: misterss Sims Gaythorpe. But during October her mind began to
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  Speaker 1: give way altogether, and she rambled a lot. She used
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  Speaker 1: to wake up sometimes all in a fright, and say,
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  Speaker 1: have they passed it yet? Nurse, Just like that. I'd say, no,
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  Speaker 1: they haven't got that far yet, and that would quiet her.
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  Speaker 1: Thinking of her hunting days, I expect she was. They
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  Speaker 1: often go back like that. You know when they're being
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  Speaker 1: kept under drugs, dreaming like they are half the time. Then,
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  Speaker 1: in last month or so, I suppose she could hardly
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  Speaker 1: have made a will even if she had wanted to. No,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think she could have managed it then. But
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  Speaker 1: earlier on, when the lawyer was there, she could have
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  Speaker 1: done so if she had liked certainly she could, but
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  Speaker 1: she didn't. Oh no, I was there with her all
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  Speaker 1: the time at her particular request. I see just you
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  Speaker 1: and miss Whittaker, not even Miss Whittaker most of the time.
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  Speaker 1: I see what you mean, mister Sims Gaythorpe, But indeed
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  Speaker 1: you should clear your mind of any unkind suspicions of
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  Speaker 1: miss Whittaker. The lawyer and Miss Dawson and myself were
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  Speaker 1: alone together for nearly an hour while the clerk drew
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  Speaker 1: up the necessary papers in the next room. It was
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  Speaker 1: all done then, you see, because we thought that a
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  Speaker 1: second visit would be too much for Miss Dawson. Miss
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  Speaker 1: Whittaker only came in quite at the end. If Miss
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  Speaker 1: Dawson had wished to make a will, she had ample
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  Speaker 1: opportunity to do so. Well. I'm glad to hear that,
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  Speaker 1: said mister Sims. Gaythorpe, rising to go. These little doubts
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  Speaker 1: are so apt to make unpleasantness in families, don't you know? Well,
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  Speaker 1: I must be toddling now. I'm frightfully sorry. You can't
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  Speaker 1: come with us, Nurse. My wife will be so disappointed.
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  Speaker 1: I must try to find somebody else equally charming, if possible.
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  Speaker 1: Good Bye. Lord Peter removed his hat in the taxi
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  Speaker 1: and scratched his head thoughtfully. Another good theory gone wrong.
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  Speaker 1: He murmured, well, there's another string to the jolly old
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  Speaker 1: bow yet, Cropper first, and then Crofton. That's the lined
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  Speaker 1: dick I fancy. End of Chapter nine