Latest / The H. G. Wells Library / The Passionate Friends Chapter 10 - Mary Writes Parts 1-3
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- 0:00Speaker 1: Chapter ten, parts one to three of The Passionate Friends
- 0:04Speaker 1: by H. G. Wells. This LibriVox recording is in the
- 0:08Speaker 1: public domain recording by Peter Eastman. Chapter the tenth, Mary
- 0:15Speaker 1: writes one. It was in the early spring of nineteen
- 0:22Speaker 1: o nine that I had a letter from Mary. By
- 0:26Speaker 1: that time my life was set fully upon its present
- 0:29Speaker 1: courses gidding and I had passed from the stage of
- 0:32Speaker 1: talking and scheming to definite undertakings. Indeed, by nineteen o
- 0:37Speaker 1: nine things were already organized upon their present lines. We
- 0:42Speaker 1: had developed a huge publishing establishment, with one big printing
- 0:46Speaker 1: plant in Barcelona and another in Manchester, and we were
- 0:50Speaker 1: studying the peculiar difficulties that might attend the establishment of
- 0:54Speaker 1: a third plant in America. Our company was an English
- 0:58Speaker 1: company under the name of Alphabet and Molentrove, and we
- 1:02Speaker 1: were rapidly making it the broadest and steadiest flow of
- 1:05Speaker 1: publication the world had ever seen. Its streams already reached
- 1:10Speaker 1: further and carried more than any single firm had ever
- 1:14Speaker 1: managed to do before. We were reprinting and as carefully
- 1:19Speaker 1: edited and revised editions as we could the whole of
- 1:22Speaker 1: the English, Spanish and French literature, and we were only
- 1:26Speaker 1: waiting for the release of machinery to attack German, Russian
- 1:29Speaker 1: and Italian, and were giving each language not only its own,
- 1:34Speaker 1: but a very complete series of good translations of the
- 1:37Speaker 1: classical writers in every other tongue. We had a little
- 1:41Speaker 1: band of editors and translators permanently at our service. At
- 1:45Speaker 1: each important literary center. We had, for example, more than
- 1:50Speaker 1: a score of men at work translating Bengali fiction and
- 1:53Speaker 1: verse into English. A lot of that new literature is
- 1:57Speaker 1: wonderfully illuminating to an intelligent Englishmen, and we had a
- 2:02Speaker 1: couple of men hunting about for new work in Arabic.
- 2:06Speaker 1: We meant to give so good and cheap a book,
- 2:09Speaker 1: and to be so comprehensive in our choice of books,
- 2:12Speaker 1: excluding nothing, if only it was real and living on
- 2:15Speaker 1: account of any inferiority of quality, obscurity of subject, or
- 2:19Speaker 1: narrowness of demand, that in the long run anybody anywhere
- 2:24Speaker 1: desiring to read anything, would turn naturally and inevitably to
- 2:29Speaker 1: our lists. Ours was to be, in the first place,
- 2:34Speaker 1: a world literature, then afterwards upon its broad currents of distribution,
- 2:39Speaker 1: and in the same forms, we meant to publish new
- 2:42Speaker 1: work and new thought we were also planning and encyclopedia.
- 2:48Speaker 1: Behind our enterprise of translations and reprints. We were getting
- 2:51Speaker 1: together and putting out a series of guide books, gazzetteers, dictionaries,
- 2:55Speaker 1: textbooks and books of reference, and we were organizing revising
- 3:00Speaker 1: staff for these, a staff that should be constantly keeping
- 3:03Speaker 1: them up to date. It was our intention to make
- 3:07Speaker 1: every copy we printed bear the date of its last
- 3:10Speaker 1: revision in a conspicuous place, and we hoped to get
- 3:13Speaker 1: the whole line of these books ultimately upon an annual basis,
- 3:17Speaker 1: and to sell them upon repurchasing terms that would enable
- 3:21Speaker 1: us to issue a new copy and take back and
- 3:23Speaker 1: send the old one to the pulping mill at a
- 3:25Speaker 1: narrow margin of profit. Then we meant to spread our
- 3:29Speaker 1: arms wider and consolidate and offer our whole line of textbooks,
- 3:33Speaker 1: guide books and gazetteers, bibliographies, atlases, dictionaries and directories as
- 3:39Speaker 1: a new world encyclopedia that should also annually or at
- 3:43Speaker 1: longest biennially renew its youth. So far we had gone
- 3:50Speaker 1: in the creation of a huge international organ of information
- 3:54Speaker 1: and of a kind of gigantic modern bible of world literature,
- 3:58Speaker 1: and in the process of its discre distribution. We were
- 4:01Speaker 1: rapidly acquiring an immense detailed knowledge of the book and
- 4:04Speaker 1: publishing trade, finding congestions here, neglected opportunities there, and devising
- 4:11Speaker 1: and drawing up a hundred schemes for relief, assistance, amalgamation
- 4:15Speaker 1: and rearrangement. We had branches in China, Japan, Peru, Iceland,
- 4:21Speaker 1: and a thousand remote places that would have sounded as
- 4:24Speaker 1: far off as the moon to an English or American bookseller.
- 4:28Speaker 1: In the seventies, China in particular was a growing market.
- 4:34Speaker 1: We had a subsidiary company running a flourishing line of
- 4:37Speaker 1: bookshops in the East end of London and others in
- 4:40Speaker 1: New Jersey, Chicago, Buenos Aires, the south of France, and Ireland. Incidentally,
- 4:47Speaker 1: we had bought up some thousands of miles of Labrador
- 4:50Speaker 1: forest to insure our paper supply, and we could believe
- 4:54Speaker 1: that before we died, there would not be a corner
- 4:57Speaker 1: of the world in which any book of interest or value,
- 5:00Speaker 1: you whatever, would not be easily attainable by any intelligent
- 5:04Speaker 1: person who wanted to read it. And already we were
- 5:08Speaker 1: taking up the more difficult and ambitious phase of our
- 5:11Speaker 1: self appointed task and considering the problem of using these
- 5:15Speaker 1: channels we were mastering and deepening and supplementing for the
- 5:19Speaker 1: stimulation and wide diffusion of contemporary thought. There we went
- 5:25Speaker 1: outside the province of alphabet and Molentrove and into an
- 5:29Speaker 1: infinitely subtler system of interests. We wanted to give sincere
- 5:34Speaker 1: and clear thinking writers encouragement and opportunity to improve the
- 5:39Speaker 1: critical tribunal and make it independent of advertising interests, so
- 5:43Speaker 1: that there would be a readier welcome for luminous thinking
- 5:46Speaker 1: and writing, and a quicker explosion of intellectual imposture. We
- 5:52Speaker 1: sought to provide guides and intelligencers to contemporary thought. We
- 5:56Speaker 1: had already set up, or subsidized, or otherwise able assert
- 6:01Speaker 1: a number of magazines and periodicals that seemed to us independent, spirited, outspoken,
- 6:06Speaker 1: and well handled. But we had still to devise our
- 6:09Speaker 1: present scheme of financing groups of men to create magazines
- 6:13Speaker 1: and newspapers which became their own separate but inalienable property
- 6:18Speaker 1: after so many years of success. But all this I
- 6:23Speaker 1: hope you will already have become more or less familiar
- 6:26Speaker 1: with when the story reaches your hands, and I hope
- 6:29Speaker 1: by the time it does so, we shall be far
- 6:32Speaker 1: beyond our present stage of experiment, and that you will
- 6:35Speaker 1: have come naturally to play your part in this most
- 6:38Speaker 1: fascinating business of maintaining an onward intellectual movement in the world,
- 6:44Speaker 1: a movement not simply independent of, but often running counter to,
- 6:49Speaker 1: all sorts of political and financial interests. I tell you
- 6:54Speaker 1: this much here for you to understand that already in
- 6:57Speaker 1: nineteen o nine, and considering the business side of my
- 7:00Speaker 1: activities alone, I was a hard worker and very strenuously employed.
- 7:07Speaker 1: And in addition to all this huge network of enterprises
- 7:10Speaker 1: I had developed with getting I was still pretty actively
- 7:13Speaker 1: a student. I wasn't I never shall be absolutely satisfied
- 7:19Speaker 1: with my general ideas. I was inquiring keenly and closely
- 7:24Speaker 1: into those problems of group and crowd psychology from which
- 7:28Speaker 1: all this big publishing work has arisen, and giving particular
- 7:32Speaker 1: attention to the war, panics and outbreaks of international hostility
- 7:37Speaker 1: that were then passing in deepening waves across Europe. I
- 7:41Speaker 1: had already accumulated a mass of notes for the book
- 7:45Speaker 1: upon group Jealousy in religious persecution, racial conflicts and War,
- 7:50Speaker 1: which I hope to publish the year after next, and
- 7:53Speaker 1: which therefore I hope you will have read long before
- 7:56Speaker 1: this present book can possibly come to you. And moreover,
- 8:01Speaker 1: Rachel and I had established our home in London, in
- 8:05Speaker 1: the house we now occupied during the winter and spring,
- 8:08Speaker 1: and both you and your little sister had begun your
- 8:11Speaker 1: careers as inhabitants of this earth. Your little sister had, indeed,
- 8:17Speaker 1: but just begun. And then one morning, at the breakfast table,
- 8:24Speaker 1: I picked a square envelope out of a heap of
- 8:27Speaker 1: letters and saw the half forgotten and infinitely familiar handwriting
- 8:32Speaker 1: of Lady Mary. Justin the sight of it gave me
- 8:37Speaker 1: an odd mixture of sensations. I was startled, I was disturbed.
- 8:43Speaker 1: I was a little afraid I hadn't forgiven her yet
- 8:48Speaker 1: it needed but this touch to tell me how little
- 8:51Speaker 1: I had forgotten. Two. I sat with it in my
- 8:59Speaker 1: hand for a moment or so before I opened it,
- 9:03Speaker 1: hesitating as one hesitates before a door that may reveal
- 9:06Speaker 1: a dramatic situation. Then I pushed my chair a little
- 9:11Speaker 1: back from the table and ripped the envelope. It was
- 9:17Speaker 1: a far longer letter than Mary had ever ridden me
- 9:20Speaker 1: in the old days, and in a handwriting as fine
- 9:23Speaker 1: as ever, but now rather smaller. I have it still,
- 9:28Speaker 1: and here I open as Warren folds, and except for
- 9:32Speaker 1: a few trifling omissions, copy it out for you. A
- 9:36Speaker 1: few trifling omissions, I say, just one there is that
- 9:41Speaker 1: is not trifling, but that I must needs make. You
- 9:47Speaker 1: will never see any of these letters, because I shall
- 9:50Speaker 1: destroy them so soon as this copy is made. It
- 9:54Speaker 1: has been difficult, or I should have destroyed them before,
- 9:59Speaker 1: but something can be too hard for us. This first
- 10:05Speaker 1: letter is on the Marten's note paper. Its very heading
- 10:09Speaker 1: was familiar to me. The handwriting of the earlier sentences
- 10:14Speaker 1: is a little stiff and disjointed, and there are one
- 10:17Speaker 1: or two scribbled obliterations. It is like someone embarrassed in speaking.
- 10:24Speaker 1: And then it passes into her usual and characteristic ease.
- 10:30Speaker 1: And as I read slowly, my long cherished anger evaporated,
- 10:35Speaker 1: and the real Mary, outspoken and simple, whom I had
- 10:39Speaker 1: obscured by a cloud of fancied infidelities, returned to me,
- 10:46Speaker 1: My dear Stephen. She begins, about six weeks ago I
- 10:51Speaker 1: saw in the Times that you have a little daughter.
- 10:55Speaker 1: It set me thinking, picturing you with the mite of
- 10:57Speaker 1: a baby in your arms. What little things they are, Stephen,
- 11:02Speaker 1: And your old face bent over it, so that presently
- 11:05Speaker 1: I went to my room and cried. It set me
- 11:09Speaker 1: thinking about you, so that I have at last written
- 11:11Speaker 1: you this letter. I love to think of you with
- 11:15Speaker 1: wife and children. About you, Stephen, I heard of your
- 11:18Speaker 1: son for the first time about a year ago. But
- 11:22Speaker 1: don't mistake me. Something wrings me too well. I too
- 11:29Speaker 1: have children. Have you ever thought of me as a mother?
- 11:33Speaker 1: I am? I wonder how much you know about me now?
- 11:38Speaker 1: I have two children, and the youngest is just two
- 11:40Speaker 1: years old. And somehow it seems to me that now
- 11:45Speaker 1: that you and I have both given such earnests of
- 11:47Speaker 1: our good behavior, such evidence that that side of life
- 11:51Speaker 1: anyhow is effectually settled for us, there is no reason
- 11:55Speaker 1: remaining why we shouldn't correspond. You are my brother, Stephen,
- 12:00Speaker 1: and my friend and by twin, and the core of
- 12:03Speaker 1: my imagination fifty babies. Cannot alter that we can live
- 12:08Speaker 1: but once and then die, and promise or no promise,
- 12:12Speaker 1: I will not be dead any longer in your world
- 12:15Speaker 1: when I'm not dead, nor will I have you if
- 12:18Speaker 1: I can help it. A cold, unanswering corpse in mine.
- 12:24Speaker 1: Too much of my life and being Stephen has been
- 12:27Speaker 1: buried and I am in rebellion. This is a breach
- 12:32Speaker 1: of the tomb, if you like, an irregular, private, premature
- 12:36Speaker 1: resurrection from an interment in error out of my alleged grave.
- 12:41Speaker 1: I poke my head and say hullo to you, Stephen,
- 12:45Speaker 1: old friend, dear friend. How are you getting on? What
- 12:50Speaker 1: is it like to you? How do you feel? I
- 12:53Speaker 1: want to know about you. I'm not doing this at
- 12:57Speaker 1: all furtively, and you can write back to me, Stephen,
- 13:00Speaker 1: as openly as your heart desires. I have told justin
- 13:04Speaker 1: I should do this. I rise, you see, blowing my
- 13:07Speaker 1: own trump. Let the other graves do as they please.
- 13:13Speaker 1: Your letters will be respected, Stephen, if you choose to
- 13:17Speaker 1: rise also and write me a letter. Stephen, I've been
- 13:23Speaker 1: wanting to do this for for all the time. If
- 13:27Speaker 1: there was thought reading, you would have had a thousand letters.
- 13:32Speaker 1: But formerly I was content to submit, and latterly I've
- 13:36Speaker 1: chafed more. I think that as what they call passion
- 13:40Speaker 1: has faded, the immense friendliness has become more evident and
- 13:45Speaker 1: made the bar less and less justifiable. You and I
- 13:49Speaker 1: have had so much between us, beyond what somebody the
- 13:53Speaker 1: other day it was in a report in the Times.
- 13:56Speaker 1: I think who was calling materia matrimoniala And of course
- 14:01Speaker 1: I hear about you from all sorts of people, and
- 14:04Speaker 1: in all sorts of ways. Whatever you have done about me,
- 14:08Speaker 1: I've had a woman's sense of honor about you, and
- 14:11Speaker 1: I've managed to learn a great deal without asking forbidden questions.
- 14:17Speaker 1: I've pricked up my ears at the faintest echo of
- 14:19Speaker 1: your name. They say you have become a publisher with
- 14:25Speaker 1: an American partner, a sort of Harmsworth and Nelson and
- 14:29Speaker 1: Times book Club and Hooper and Jackson all ruled into one.
- 14:34Speaker 1: That seems so extraordinary to me that for that alone
- 14:37Speaker 1: I should have had to write to you. I want
- 14:41Speaker 1: to know the truth of that. I never see any
- 14:44Speaker 1: advertisement of Stratton in Company or get any inkling of
- 14:48Speaker 1: what it is you publish. Are you the power behind
- 14:51Speaker 1: the respectable Murgatroit and the honest Milvain. I know them both,
- 14:56Speaker 1: and neither has the slightest appearance of being animated by you.
- 15:01Speaker 1: And equally perplexing is your being mixed up with an
- 15:04Speaker 1: American like that man getting in peace conferences and social
- 15:08Speaker 1: reform congresses and so forth. It's so carnegii ise there,
- 15:14Speaker 1: I'm sure because I've seen your name in reports of meetings,
- 15:18Speaker 1: and I've read your last two papers in the Fortnightly.
- 15:21Speaker 1: I can't imagine you, of all people, with your touch
- 15:25Speaker 1: of reserve, launching into movements and rubbing shoulders with fattests.
- 15:30Speaker 1: What does it mean, Stephen? I had expected to find
- 15:34Speaker 1: you coming back into English politics, speaking and writing on
- 15:38Speaker 1: the lines of your old beginning, taking up that work
- 15:42Speaker 1: you dropped. It's six years now ago. I've been accumulating
- 15:47Speaker 1: disappointment for two years. Mister Arthur, you see on our side,
- 15:53Speaker 1: this you will remember, was in nineteen o nine. Stillt
- 15:56Speaker 1: steers are devious party courses, and the paraf reformers have
- 16:01Speaker 1: still to capture us. Weston Massingay was comparing them the
- 16:05Speaker 1: other night at a dinner at the Kleine's to a
- 16:08Speaker 1: crowded piratical galley trying to get alongside a good seaman
- 16:12Speaker 1: in rough weather. He was very funny about Leo Maxey
- 16:17Speaker 1: and the poop white and shrieking with passion, and the
- 16:20Speaker 1: motion and all the capitalists armed to the teeth and
- 16:23Speaker 1: hiding snug in the hold until the grappling irons were fixed.
- 16:28Speaker 1: Why haven't you come into the game, I'd hoped it,
- 16:32Speaker 1: if only for the sake of meeting you again? What
- 16:36Speaker 1: are you doing out beyond there? We are in it
- 16:41Speaker 1: so far as I can contrive, But I contrive very little.
- 16:46Speaker 1: We are pillars of the Conservative Party. Want that Justin's
- 16:50Speaker 1: mind is firmly settled, And every now and then I
- 16:54Speaker 1: clamor urgently that we must do more for it. But
- 16:59Speaker 1: Justin's ideas go no further than writing checks. Doing more
- 17:03Speaker 1: for the party means writing a bigger check. And there
- 17:07Speaker 1: are moments when I feel we shall simply bring down
- 17:09Speaker 1: a peerage upon our heads and bury my ancient courtesy
- 17:13Speaker 1: title under the ignominy of a new creation. He would
- 17:18Speaker 1: certainly accept it. He writes his check and turns back
- 17:23Speaker 1: at the earliest opportunity to his miniature gardens and the
- 17:26Speaker 1: odd little freaks of collecting that attract him. Have you
- 17:30Speaker 1: ever heard of chintz oil jars? No, you will say,
- 17:35Speaker 1: nor has any one else yet, except our immediate circle
- 17:39Speaker 1: of friends and a few dealers, who are, no doubt
- 17:42Speaker 1: industriously increasing the present scanty supply we possess three. They
- 17:48Speaker 1: are matronly shaped jars, about two feet or a yard high,
- 17:52Speaker 1: of a kind of terra cotta with wooden tops surmounted
- 17:55Speaker 1: by gilt acorns, and they have been covered with white paint.
- 17:59Speaker 1: And on this flowers and birds and figures from some
- 18:03Speaker 1: very rich old chintz have been stuck very cunningly. And
- 18:06Speaker 1: then everything has been varnished. And there you are. Our
- 18:10Speaker 1: first and best was bought for seven and sixpence, brought
- 18:14Speaker 1: home in the car, put upon a console table on
- 18:17Speaker 1: the second landing, and worshiped. It's really a very pleasant
- 18:22Speaker 1: mellow thing to see. Nobody had ever seen the like. Guests, sycophantic,
- 18:28Speaker 1: people of all sorts were taken to consider it. It
- 18:32Speaker 1: was looked at with heads at every angle. One man
- 18:35Speaker 1: even kept his head erect, and one went a little
- 18:38Speaker 1: upstairs and looked at it under his arm. Also, the
- 18:42Speaker 1: most powerful lenses have been used for a minute examination,
- 18:47Speaker 1: and one expert licked the varnish and looked extremely thoughtful
- 18:51Speaker 1: and wise at me as he turned the booty over
- 18:53Speaker 1: his gifted tongue. And now, God being with us, we
- 18:58Speaker 1: mean to possess every specimen in existence before the Americans
- 19:02Speaker 1: get hold of the idea. Yesterday Justin got up and
- 19:07Speaker 1: noted sixty miles to look at an alleged fourth, Oh,
- 19:12Speaker 1: my dear, I am writing chatter. You perceive I've reached
- 19:17Speaker 1: the chattering stage. It is the faded end of the
- 19:20Speaker 1: clever woman in a good social position. Nowadays her mind
- 19:25Speaker 1: beats against her conditions for the last time and breaks
- 19:28Speaker 1: up into this carping talk, this spume of observation and comment,
- 19:33Speaker 1: this anecdotal natural history of the restraining husband, as waves
- 19:38Speaker 1: burst out their hearts in a foam upon a reef.
- 19:42Speaker 1: But it isn't chatter. I want to write to you, Stephen.
- 19:48Speaker 1: I'm intolerably wretched. No creature has ever been gladder to
- 19:53Speaker 1: have been born than I was. For the first five
- 19:55Speaker 1: and twenty years of my life. I was full of hope,
- 20:00Speaker 1: and I was full, I suppose of vanity and rash confidence.
- 20:05Speaker 1: I thought I was walking on solid earth with my
- 20:08Speaker 1: head reaching up to the clouds, and that sea and
- 20:11Speaker 1: sky and all mankind were mine for the smiling. And
- 20:16Speaker 1: I am nothing, and worse than nothing. I am the
- 20:19Speaker 1: ineffectual mother of two children, A daughter whom I adore,
- 20:24Speaker 1: but of her I may not tell you. And a son,
- 20:29Speaker 1: A son who is too like his father for any
- 20:31Speaker 1: fury of worship, A stolid little creature that is all
- 20:36Speaker 1: I have done in the world, a mere blink of maternity,
- 20:40Speaker 1: and my blue Persian, who was scarcely two years old,
- 20:43Speaker 1: has already had nine kittens. My husband and I have
- 20:48Speaker 1: never forgiven each other the indefinable wrong of not pleasing
- 20:52Speaker 1: each other that embitters more and more. To take it
- 20:57Speaker 1: out of each other is our role. I have done
- 21:00Speaker 1: my duty to the great new line of Justine by
- 21:03Speaker 1: giving it the air it needed. And now a polite
- 21:07Speaker 1: and silent separation has fallen between us. We hardly speak
- 21:12Speaker 1: except in company. I have not been so much married Stephen,
- 21:16Speaker 1: I find has collected and since our tragic misadventure. But
- 21:23Speaker 1: there were beautiful moments, Stephen, unforgettable glimpses of beauty in that.
- 21:28Speaker 1: Thank God, I say impenitently for that. The door of
- 21:33Speaker 1: the expensively splendid cabinet that contains me, when it is
- 21:37Speaker 1: not locked, is very discreetly watched. I have no men, friends,
- 21:43Speaker 1: no social force, no freedom to take my line. My
- 21:47Speaker 1: husband is my official obstacle. We barb the limitations of
- 21:53Speaker 1: life for one another. A little while ago he sought
- 21:56Speaker 1: to chasten me, to rouse me rather through jealousy, and
- 22:01Speaker 1: made me aware indirectly, but a little defiantly, of a
- 22:05Speaker 1: young person of artistic gifts, in whose dramatic career he
- 22:09Speaker 1: was pretending a conspicuous interest. I was jealous and roused,
- 22:14Speaker 1: but scarcely in the way he desired. This, I said,
- 22:18Speaker 1: quite cheerfully means freedom for me, justin and the young
- 22:23Speaker 1: woman vanished from the visible universe with an incredible celerity.
- 22:28Speaker 1: I hope she was properly paid off and not simply
- 22:31Speaker 1: made away with my ominion. But I become more and
- 22:35Speaker 1: more aware of my ignorance of a great financier's methods
- 22:39Speaker 1: as I become more and more aware of them. Stephen,
- 22:44Speaker 1: my dear, my brother, I am intolerably unhappy. I do
- 22:49Speaker 1: not know what to do with myself or what there
- 22:52Speaker 1: is to hope for in life. I am like a
- 22:55Speaker 1: prisoner in a magic cage, and I do not know
- 22:58Speaker 1: the word that will release me. How is it with you?
- 23:03Speaker 1: Are you unhappy beyond measure? Or are you not? And
- 23:06Speaker 1: if you are not, what are you doing with life?
- 23:10Speaker 1: Have you found any secret that makes living tolerable and understandable?
- 23:15Speaker 1: Write to me, Write to me at least and tell
- 23:18Speaker 1: me that please write to me. Do you remember how
- 23:24Speaker 1: long ago you and I sat in the old park
- 23:26Speaker 1: at Burnmore, and how I kept pestering you and asking
- 23:31Speaker 1: you what is all this for? And you looked at
- 23:35Speaker 1: the question as an obstinate mule looks at a narrow
- 23:37Speaker 1: bridge he could cross but doesn't want to. Well, Stephen,
- 23:43Speaker 1: you've had nearly how many years is it now to
- 23:47Speaker 1: get an answer? Ready? What is it all for? What
- 23:51Speaker 1: do you make of it? Never mind my particular case,
- 23:55Speaker 1: or the case of women with a capital W. Tell
- 23:59Speaker 1: me your solution. You are active, you keep doing things.
- 24:03Speaker 1: You find life worth living. Is publishing a way of
- 24:08Speaker 1: peace for the heart? I am prepared to believe even that.
- 24:12Speaker 1: But justify yourself. Tell me what you have got there
- 24:17Speaker 1: to keep your soul alive. Three I read this letter
- 24:26Speaker 1: to the end and looked up, and there was my
- 24:29Speaker 1: home about me, a room ruddy brown and familiar with
- 24:33Speaker 1: the row of old pewter things upon the dresser, the
- 24:36Speaker 1: steel engravings of former strattons that came to me from
- 24:40Speaker 1: my father, a convex mirror exaggerating my upturned face. And Rachel,
- 24:46Speaker 1: just risen again sat at the other end of the table,
- 24:50Speaker 1: A young mother, fragile and tender, eyed the clash of
- 24:55Speaker 1: these two systems of reality was amazing. It was as
- 24:59Speaker 1: though I had no parted from Mary for a day,
- 25:02Speaker 1: as though all that separation and all that cloud of
- 25:05Speaker 1: bitter jealousy had been a mere silence between two people
- 25:09Speaker 1: in the same room. Indeed, it was extraordinarily like that,
- 25:14Speaker 1: as if I had been sitting at a desk, imagining
- 25:17Speaker 1: myself alone, reading my present life as one reads in
- 25:21Speaker 1: a book at a shaded lamp, and then suddenly that
- 25:25Speaker 1: silent other had spoken. And then I looked at the
- 25:30Speaker 1: page of my life before me, and became again a
- 25:34Speaker 1: character in the story. I met the enquiry in Rachel's eyes.
- 25:40Speaker 1: It's a letter from Mary, justin, I said. She did
- 25:46Speaker 1: not answer. For a few moments. She became interested in
- 25:50Speaker 1: the flame of the little spirit lamp that kept her
- 25:52Speaker 1: coffee hot. She finished what she had to do with that,
- 25:56Speaker 1: and then remarked, I thought you two were not to correspond. Yes,
- 26:02Speaker 1: I said, putting the letter down. That was the understanding.
- 26:08Speaker 1: There was a little interval of silence, and then I
- 26:11Speaker 1: got up and went to the fireplace, where the bacon
- 26:14Speaker 1: and sausages stood upon a trivet, I suppose, said Rachel.
- 26:19Speaker 1: She wants to hear from you again. She thinks that
- 26:23Speaker 1: now we have children, and that she has too, we
- 26:26Speaker 1: can consider what was pasted, past and closed and done with,
- 26:30Speaker 1: and she wants to hear about me Apart from everything else.
- 26:35Speaker 1: We were very great friends, of course, said Rachel, with
- 26:40Speaker 1: lips a little awry. Of course you must have been
- 26:44Speaker 1: great friends. And it's natural for her to write. I suppose,
- 26:50Speaker 1: she added, her husband knows she's told him. She says.
- 26:57Speaker 1: Her eye fell on the letter in my hand for
- 26:59Speaker 1: this smllest fraction of a second, and it was as
- 27:03Speaker 1: if hastily she snatched away a thought from my observation.
- 27:08Speaker 1: I had a moment of illuminating embarrassment. So far we
- 27:12Speaker 1: had contrived to do as most young people do when
- 27:15Speaker 1: they marry. We had sought to make our lives unreservedly
- 27:19Speaker 1: open to one another. We had effected an entire absence
- 27:23Speaker 1: of concealments about our movements, our thoughts. If perhaps I
- 27:28Speaker 1: had been largely silent to her about Mary, it was
- 27:31Speaker 1: not so much that I sought to hide things from
- 27:33Speaker 1: her as that I myself sought to forget. It is
- 27:38Speaker 1: one of the things that we learned too late, the
- 27:41Speaker 1: impossibility of any such rapid and wilful coalescence of souls.
- 27:47Speaker 1: But we had maintained a convention of infinite communism since
- 27:50Speaker 1: our marriage. We had shown each other our letters, as
- 27:54Speaker 1: a matter of course, shared the secrets of our friends
- 27:57Speaker 1: gone everywhere together, as far as we possibly could. I
- 28:03Speaker 1: wanted now to give her the letter in my hand
- 28:06Speaker 1: to read, and to do so was manifestly impossible. Something
- 28:13Speaker 1: had arisen between us that made out of our unity
- 28:16Speaker 1: two abruptly separated figures masked and veiled. Here were things
- 28:22Speaker 1: I knew and understood completely, and that I could not
- 28:26Speaker 1: even describe. To Rachel, what would she make of Mary's
- 28:30Speaker 1: write to me? Write to me a mere wish to resume.
- 28:36Speaker 1: I would not risk the exposure of Mary's mind and
- 28:39Speaker 1: heart and unhappiness to her possible misinterpretation. That letter fell, indeed,
- 28:47Speaker 1: like a pitiless searchlight into all that region of differences
- 28:51Speaker 1: ignored over which we had built the vaulted convention of
- 28:55Speaker 1: our complete mutual understanding. In my memory, it seems to
- 29:01Speaker 1: me now as though we hung silent for quite a
- 29:03Speaker 1: long time over the evasions that were there so abruptly revealed.
- 29:11Speaker 1: Then I put the letter into my pocket, with a
- 29:14Speaker 1: clumsy assumption of carelessness, and knelt down to the fender
- 29:18Speaker 1: and sausages. It will be curious, I said to write
- 29:23Speaker 1: to her again, to tell her about things. And then,
- 29:29Speaker 1: with immense interest, are these Chichester sausages you've got here, Rachel?
- 29:34Speaker 1: Or some new kind? Rachel roused herself to respond with
- 29:39Speaker 1: an equal affectation, and we made an eager conversation about
- 29:43Speaker 1: bacon and sausages. For after that startling gleam of divergence,
- 29:50Speaker 1: we were both anxious to get back to the superficialities
- 29:53Speaker 1: of life again. End of chapter ten one two three,