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11: When You're Disillusioned About a Leader You Respected · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast, it's also an online
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course.
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Check it out at FindingGodAtWork.org.
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Our current series is Divine Disappointments, Facing Pain
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and Sorrow at Work.
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And I want to start here in an
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unusual way by reading some of the Harry
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Potter series today.
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So if by chance you've never read the
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series or seen the movies, Harry Potter discovers
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he has magical powers when he's like middle
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school age, ends up attending a school called
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Hogwarts.
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The headmaster of that school, Dumbledore, becomes a
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mentor to him.
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Spoiler alert, Dumbledore dies, Harry's grieving Dumbledore's loss,
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and going on in the kind of path
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that Dumbledore had laid out for him on
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how to continue defeating the evil Lord Voldemort.
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And so Dumbledore set Harry on this journey,
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and now Harry's following it.
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But Dumbledore isn't there anymore.
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And after Dumbledore's death, these things begin to
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come out about his history that Harry was
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not expecting.
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So a journalist named Rita Skeeter writes a
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book called The Life and Lies of Albus
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Dumbledore that contains these things from his youth
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that were unexpected where he was dabbling in
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dark magic, he was friends with somebody who
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became a dark wizard named Grindelwald.
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Harry's discovering all this stuff for the first
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time.
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And meanwhile, the fight against Lord Voldemort is
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going really, really badly.
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Harry's been trying to do what he's supposed
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to, but he's failing again and again and
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again.
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So this comes from about halfway through the
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seventh book in the series, Harry Potter and
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the Deathly Hallows.
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Harry's fury at Dumbledore broke over him now,
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like lava scorching him inside.
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Wiping out every other feeling.
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Out of sheer desperation, they had talked themselves
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into believing that Godric's hollow-held answers convinced
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themselves that they were supposed to go back,
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that it was all some secret path laid
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out for them by Dumbledore.
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But there was no map, no plan.
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Dumbledore had left them to grope in the
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darkness, to wrestle with unknown and undreamed-of
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-terrors, alone and unaided.
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Nothing was explained.
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Nothing was given freely.
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They had no sword, and now Harry had
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no wand.
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Okay, a few pages later, they actually get
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a hold of a copy of this book
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that Rita Skeeter has written, and Hermione, one
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of Harry's best friends, is talking to him
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about the things that have been revealed in
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this book, and she says, Harry, I'm sorry,
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but I think the real reason you were
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so angry is that Dumbledore never told you
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any of this himself.
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Maybe I am, Harry bellowed, and he flung
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his arms over his head, hardly knowing whether
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he was trying to hold in his anger
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or protect himself from the weight of his
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own disillusionment.
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Look what he asked for me, Hermione.
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Risk your life, Harry.
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And again, and again.
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And don't expect me to explain everything.
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Just trust me blindly.
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Trust that I know what I'm doing.
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Trust me even though I don't trust you.
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Never the whole truth.
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Never.
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His voice cracked with the strain, and they
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stood looking at each other in the whiteness
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and the emptiness, and Harry felt they were
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as insignificant as insects beneath the wide sky.
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Okay.
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Have you ever had an experience of anger
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and disillusionment like that about a leader who
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you trusted?
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It's really, really painful when someone who we
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respected, maybe even someone we still respect in
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some ways, fails in some significant way.
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The feeling of disillusionment can be really profound.
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It's a kind of grief.
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And this can happen to us in community
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life.
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It can happen with church leaders.
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It can happen with family members.
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It can also happen in the workplace.
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Sometimes you're excited to work for a specific
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team or a specific organization, but your boss
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or your boss's boss or a different leader
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in the organization isn't the person who you
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thought they were.
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And that's a really, really heartbreaking experience to
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live through and to move through.
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So how can we as disciples of Jesus
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meet the Lord when we're disillusioned about a
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leader who we respected?
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Well, I want to make three suggestions.
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And the final of these suggestions come straight
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from Scripture.
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The other two are more so just reflections
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on my own journey when I've dealt with
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disillusionment.
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So the first is to distinguish between personality
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and character disappointments.
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The second is to still seek the needs
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that may have driven your disappointment, to still
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seek how to meet those needs in healthy
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ways.
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And the third is to set your thoughts
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on Jesus.
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Okay, so I want to return to the
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Bible in a couple minutes when we're talking
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about setting our thoughts on Jesus.
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But first, this idea of distinguishing between personality
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disappointment and character disappointment.
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This has been helpful for me when I'm
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disappointed with a leader to reflect on, am
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I disappointed because they've had some sort of
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moral failure, or because their character isn't what
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I thought it would be?
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Or am I just disappointed because their personality
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strengths are different than what I anticipated?
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Because not everyone can be good at everything,
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right?
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Not everybody can have a personality that's given
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to strong administration or strong persuasion or strong
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recruitment or fill in the blank.
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Nobody can be good at everything.
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And we sometimes have an exalted image of
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a leader.
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If they're successful in one domain, we might
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assume they'll be successful or have strengths in
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another domain.
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But then when we actually get to know
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them, when we're working with them, we realize
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like, oh, they're actually weakened this domain.
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Like maybe they're really, really strong at administration,
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but they kind of fail to rally the
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troops with compelling vision, or vice versa.
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Maybe you felt rallied by them when they
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were giving visionary speeches, but then when you
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get behind the scenes with them and you're
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trying to do planning, they're really bad at
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administration, whatever it may be.
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Making this distinction between personality and character is
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something that we're not generally good at in
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our culture these days.
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We've talked a little bit about this in
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the past, like in the fruitful work series,
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how the fruit of the spirit kind of
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gives us language to describe our interior life
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that's sometimes missing in our cultural discourse.
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And a leader who pointed this out to
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me, it was actually a Mormon writer, Stephen
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R.
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Covey, in his bestselling book, The Seven Habits
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of Highly Effective People.
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And I don't like everything about that book.
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I questioned some of his language around success,
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but I really appreciated the insight he had
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about the distinction between personality and character.
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So I'll read from this.
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This is fairly early in the book.
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Covey writes, I began to feel more and
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more that much of the success literature of
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the past 50 years was superficial.
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It was filled with social image consciousness, techniques,
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and quick fixes, with social band-aids and
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aspirin that addressed acute problems, and sometimes even
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appeared to solve them temporarily, but left the
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underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface
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time and again.
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In stark contrast, almost all the literature in
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the first 150 years or so focused on
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what could be called the character ethic as
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the foundation of success.
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Things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice,
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patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the golden rule.
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Benjamin Franklin's autobiography is representative of that literature.
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It is basically the story of one man's
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effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep
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within his nature.
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The character ethic taught me that there are
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basic principles of effective living.
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But shortly after World War I, the basic
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view of success shifted from the character ethic
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to what we might call the personality ethic.
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Success became more a function of personality, of
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public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and
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techniques that lubricate the processes of human interaction.
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Okay, so I think Covey kind of is
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correct about this shift in our culture that
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we used to have language about character, about
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the interior life that was connected to a
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sense of transcendent moral values.
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Now, instead, we tend to have books that
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talk about techniques for achieving what you want
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and how to use your personality in a
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winning way.
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Now, personality strengths are good.
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I think that God created us with different
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personalities.
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But if we don't have that deeper vision
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of an interior life, we're going to be
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misguided.
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So I think Covey's insight is helpful there.
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I think this is also relevant when we're
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disappointed with a leader.
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Because we might assume that because they lack
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a personality strength that there's something wrong with
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them and that's not fair.
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Just because somebody isn't strong at something doesn't
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mean there's something wrong with them or that
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they've had a moral failure.
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Instead, we need to accept, oh, that leader
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has limits.
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That leader has areas where they are not
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particularly strong.
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Hopefully that can be complemented by other people
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in the organization or on their team.
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Now, what's really difficult is when a leader
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doesn't realize they're weak in a certain area
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and doesn't allow other people to complement it.
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And then that itself can become a character
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issue, perhaps a lack of humility, a lack
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of self-awareness that could lead to a
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better dynamic on their team.
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But if you're disappointed, make sure you actually
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interrogate the situation.
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Am I disappointed with a genuine character flaw
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or is this more a personality difference that
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I could accept, where I could just accept
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this person for who they are and who
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they aren't?
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Okay, that's the first thing.
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The needs that drove your disappointment.
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So in an earlier episode, we talked about
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the acronym AEN, A-H-E-N, which
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goes anger, hurt, expectation, need.
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And it's something you work through backwards.
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So in this situation, we might say disillusionment,
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hurt, expectation, need.
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You're feeling disillusioned with this leader.
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Why is that?
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Because you feel hurt.
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Why do you feel hurt?
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Because you had an expectation or a set
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of expectations.
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Okay, what's behind those expectations?
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Valid needs that you really have.
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And again, the expectations may or may not
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be perfect.
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We might have had some expectations and then
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realized over time, oh, you know, that was
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an expectation based on a misunderstanding or perhaps
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an unreasonable expectation for this leader.
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But the need behind it is valid.
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So let me give an example.
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When I was coming on to a church
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staff right after college in my early twenties,
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one of the reasons I was really excited
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to join this staff was that a leader
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who I really respected was on this staff
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named Kevin Miller.
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And not only did I respect him, but
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I also knew there were certain personality traits
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that he and I shared in common.
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We were both very analytical.
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We both like being very clear and very
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organized.
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And I was just excited to kind of
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learn how to lead with that kind of
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personality from Kevin.
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But then when I was hired, Kevin stepped
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into a different career opportunity.
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And so we only overlapped for like a
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month or two.
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And so I was so disappointed that I
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wasn't going to have this mentor figure in
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my day to day staff life who I
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thought I was going to have.
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Again, this is not a moral failure of
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any kind.
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It was just a change in career, lost
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opportunity for a certain kind of mentoring.
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And Kevin had already mentored me and my
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wife and in various ways as a pastor
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up to that point.
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But for me, that need was still valid.
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I still needed an organized analytical leader to
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follow.
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And I wasn't necessarily going to get that
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from some of the other leaders on my
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staff team at that time.
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So for me, what did I do?
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I started seeking out leadership coaching for the
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first time in my life.
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And some of it was really helpful.
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I've had hit or miss experiences with kind
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of like different coaches and mentors.
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But that's something that eventually became like a
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regular rhythm in my life is like, who
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am I learning from as I'm learning how
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to lead?
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Who am I looking to?
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And realizing like, oh, if I can't learn
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this from person A, maybe I can learn
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it from person B.
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Can I get coffee with this person?
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Can I ask them questions?
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Can I still have that underlying need be
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met?
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Now, that's a really practical example.
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But sometimes our disillusionment is much more emotionally
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freighted.
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So let me share another example.
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In 2018, several women courageously stepped forward and
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spoke to journalists and others spoke to church
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leaders with allegations that were later found to
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be quite credible against the pastor, Bill Heibels,
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that he had had inappropriate sexual relationships and
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often applied pressure from his pastoral authority in
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those relationships.
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Bill Heibels ended up resigning around that time.
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And there was a whole fallout of that
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in his community and well beyond.
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Now, I had never been a member of
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his church community, but I had still been
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influenced by him as a writer and a
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leader.
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When I was in that role in the
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church in my early 20s, I read a
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book of his about volunteer leadership.
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That was incredibly helpful to me.
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And that I still use the ideas from
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that book and the way that I lead
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others.
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I saw him as somebody who was working
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in our culture to try and bring a
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contemporary expression of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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And that was really inspiring to me.
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And I remember all this was unfolding in
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2018.
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And as more and more evidence came forward,
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it became clear that the allegations were credible
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and that Bill really had lived this kind
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of duplicitous life for years.
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I was just so disappointed in him and
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left to wonder what is a healthy vision
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of a contemporary expression of the gospel in
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our generation.
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Because the guy who I was looking to
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is like, hey, that's a guy who's figured
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out how to express the gospel in a
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contemporary way.
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It's like, oh, but that was really complicated
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with some really dark and evil things.
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We don't want that to be what we're
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bringing to people.
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Katie and I were on our fifth wedding
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anniversary that year.
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We got the chance to go to Ireland.
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And I just remember sitting in our little
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cottage in Ireland, like journaling about Bill Hybels.
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And it's like, I'm supposed to be enjoying
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my wedding anniversary and I'm journaling about Bill
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Hybels.
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What is going on?
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But even though I was that far removed
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from the situation, not even a member of
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his church, but just influenced from a distance,
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it's like I had to rethink what's the
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vision of life and God that I need
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from this person.
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Now, in a work situation, it might not
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be that emotionally fraught.
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You might not have a leader at work
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who you were hoping would be an icon
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of an expression of the gospel in your
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generation, but it might be that serious.
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And there are other leadership dynamics that can
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be equally emotionally fraught, even if it's not
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that specific kind of disillusionment.
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And so that brings us to the question,
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how do you get the need met when
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it's a more existential need?
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Like when you need a vision of Christ
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-like leadership in your life, when you need
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a vision of what it means to express
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the gospel in our generation, when you need
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a vision of what it means to really
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lead a team in a healthy way, and
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you thought you had that with a certain
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person, but you don't have it anymore.
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I think that need ultimately leads us to
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our third thing, which is to set our
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thoughts on Jesus.
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And the Scripture itself teaches this, even contrasting
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Jesus with other leaders.
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So the writer of the letter to the
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Hebrews in chapter 3 contrasts Jesus with Moses.
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Moses, a leader called by God, a leader
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imbued with God's authority to deliver the people
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of Israel, to guide them, to give them
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the Torah, and yet also a very, very
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flawed leader.
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And here's how the writer of the letter
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to the Hebrews contrasts Moses and Jesus, starting
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in verse 1 of chapter 3.
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Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in
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the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus,
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whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high
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priest.
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He was faithful to the one who appointed
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him, just as Moses was faithful in all
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God's house.
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Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor
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than Moses, just as the builder of a
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house has greater honor than the house itself.
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For every house is built by someone, but
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God is the builder of everything.
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Moses was faithful as a servant in all
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God's house, bearing witness to what would be
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spoken by God in the future.
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But Christ is faithful as the Son over
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God's house.
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And we are his house, if indeed we
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hold firmly to our confidence and the hope
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in which we glory.
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I love that line, for every house is
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built by someone, but God is the builder
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of everything.
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When we're doing work, we're trying to build
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something.
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We're building something as a team.
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We're working towards something meaningful.
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We're following leadership because we want to go
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somewhere.
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We want to do something.
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But ultimately, God is the builder of everything.
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Anything good that we accomplish ultimately comes from
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God's goodness.
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And all of us have a longing for
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that transcendent, unsullied, faithful leader, because all of
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us are ultimately meant to find it in
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Jesus Christ.
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That it's the one who is the presence
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and goodness of God himself who can minister
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that kind of unsullied, healthy leadership to us.
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And those of us who have leadership responsibilities
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in the here and now, we're going to
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be flawed.
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We're going to mess up.
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Even if we don't live a life of
16:57
duplicity and profound moral failure, all of us
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will need God's grace for the way that
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we inevitably are flawed and the way we
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try and carry out leadership.
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And so our hearts will never be satisfied
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with a human leader when what we need
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is the true human leader, the fully human
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and fully divine leader of Jesus Christ.
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And so back in verse one, the writer
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says, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we
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acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.
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It's interesting.
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He's using words that are also predicated of
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humans in the Old Testament.
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There were priests in the New Testament.
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There are apostles and he's saying, but the
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real priest is Jesus.
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The real apostle is Jesus.
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So whatever role that person had in your
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life, they were a boss, a manager, an
17:44
entrepreneur, a builder, a pastor, a father, whatever
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that role was, Jesus is that true leader.
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Jesus is the true manager, the true entrepreneur,
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the true builder, the true pastor and shepherd,
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the true father.
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He's the one with whom we don't need
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to be disillusioned and he can minister to
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us in our disillusionment, his healing presence.
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So those are my thoughts on how to
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grapple with disillusionment with a leader to distinguish,
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okay, is this about character or about personality
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to make sure you're still getting your own
18:22
needs met?
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Not putting all your eggs in one basket
18:25
with one leader to somehow magically meet all
18:26
your needs, but looking to a variety of
18:28
people to meet your needs in healthy ways.
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And then finally, to fix your thoughts on
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Jesus, to let him be the leader who
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you can really count on.
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Come Lord Jesus, renew our vision, help us
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to grieve and mourn well when we are
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disappointed and disillusioned with real failures and leaders
18:48
who we respected.
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Give us wisdom to not have false expectations,
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but also to name what is good and
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what is bad faithfully and show us how
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to fix our thoughts on you, how to
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welcome your leadership, the one that we really
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need.
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Jesus, do your work in us as we
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do our work with you.
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Amen.
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Thanks for listening.
19:13
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