Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / Assumptions Are Relationship Killers

Transcript

Assumptions Are Relationship Killers · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wife, and one of the fastest ways to create distance in your marriage is by believing a story you made up instead of seeking the truth.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is called assumptions are relationship killers.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's a flip side to this as well.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get to that towards the end.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but have you ever thought he doesn't care or he's ignoring me?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: He knew exactly what he was doing.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, but maybe not.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is our brains are constantly filling in gaps.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the last espresso shot, I shared with you that this wife was telling herself that this is so hard.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so guess what?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Our brains are looking for that validation, looking to confirm that belief.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We assign motives before we ask questions.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: We interpret silence through a lens of past experiences and traumas and baggage and cycles.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: We create narratives, then we react to the story instead of the facts.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 7 that love believes all things.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean love is gullible.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It means love chooses to give the benefit of the doubt before assuming the worst.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Love actually assumes the best.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's the flip side of this.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Assume the best of your spouse.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So what if instead of saying he doesn't respect me, you asked, help me understand what you meant here?
• 1:45
  unknown: Right?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of automatically assuming that he he meant to hurt you, instead, flip it and assume the best.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity builds connection, assumption builds walls.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my challenge for you today.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: The next time that you catch yourself creating a story, pause and ask, do I know this to be true?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I filling in the blanks?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Go spend some time reading 1 Corinthians chapter 13, 4 through 7.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is one of those passages that you are familiar with.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: We hear it almost at every wedding.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But have you actually set with it?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I remember one time I was telling a wife, I was like, Love does not demand its own way.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's right from this passage.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: But how often do we do that?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she was so surprised, like, oh, that's in there.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've heard that passage a million million times, but I didn't know that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So go spend time in this passage and ask the Lord where He's inviting you to replace assumptions with loves.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Love, not loves, love.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, intimacy grows in the light of truth, not the shadows of assumptions.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next espresso shot.