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Transcript

706. Emotional Safety: Why Money Won't Fix Your Internal Security · Be It Till You See It

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: What we have to do is ultimately find a paradigm shift and move away from, I feel safe from my bank account is X.
• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: To, I feel safe right now because I know how to navigate whatever comes.
• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Beat till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm also Logan, plays instructor and fit this business coach.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, be a big welcome back to our safety series.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back, I hope you enjoyed a little discussion about money and certainty and security and where it actually comes from and what's going on and all these different things that I hope we can have a great conversation about it.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you can send in any aha moments, wonders, wins to the be a pod at be a pod.com slash questions.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also DM us on Instagram and let us know what your takeaways are or if you have more questions that you want us to do a third episode or fourth episode on this right so today we're going to talk about becoming your own safe harbor and that's just because
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, we talked about how it's so easy for us to put safety and security in what our bank account says and for good reason we know like money makes a world around and you have to have it to pay your bills and not be like to be in a safe place and so yes all those things and also really understanding like what is secure and safe to you so that on those bad bank days you don't just like throw everything out the window go I suck at all of this.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think, you know, this podcast a lot of things stem from like confidence, either having it or not, and what is important is that, like, I think it's really tricky.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: How self confidence actually works because it comes as I mentioned the last episode that comes from doing the things she said you do.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think some people look at me, someone like me, and they go, oh, she's so confident.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you think, oh, she knows she knows it's going to work out.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And actually, what if confidence was not that everything will work out, but knowing you can handle it even if it doesn't?
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is the type of confidence I want you to have, because that's where I think security and safety really calm.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to say, I know we have a lot of listeners at all different ages.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a lot of young listeners.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so you might be at a different point in your life.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: where you haven't had a lot of bad days that you've survived yet.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe you've had, I definitely did, but there's still this feeling that when bad things happen, there are the worst things in your life, and I'm over 40.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know a lot of the listeners are over 40, and we have survived a lot.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've survived a hundred percent of our bad days, as I said in the last episode, some of you have survived divorces, a lot of you have survived grief, career pivots, parenting challenges, health changes.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I actually wanted to say, because you've survived all of those things, I don't think you have to go find more self-trust, more competence.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think, in your remember, you had it.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have it.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think it's about going, oh my God, I have, there she is.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: There it is.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I put it in the back of the closet over there, I forgot, you know.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think my first homework assignment for you from this episode to get some just a strategy around how amazing you are to have certainty in the safety that you are amazing is like, look back at your history, go down memory lane, get out the data if you own your own business and look at how much you have done.
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: look at the adaptability that you have.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right?
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we tend to look back and think of all the good stuff.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then we're just like we when bad stuff happened.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to go back there because it hurts or it's staying.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if we were, we go, whoa, I survived that.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You guys, like, I've talked about it in the pot a few times.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think you guys really.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I truly did leave someone become without address.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: couch served.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Total my car.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then found out the studio that I rented space where I made my income was closing.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I should have felt the most unsafe in that moment.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh no, I've been here before because I had been homeless before.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what I actually just need to do is figure out where the studio is going to be so then I can find the apartment sitting at the car.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's all.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I made a plan, right?
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you've got to go back and you've got to look at the data of what you have survived.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you can see that you can do this.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can do anything and also most of the bad things that happen are never as bad at the worst things we've had, right?
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what we conflate them, we can testify to them and so they all feel the same bad, but they're not.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I hope that little trip down my memory lane helps you realize, like, I'm not the only one resilient one here on this podcast, you are.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have survived about 100% of your bad days.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you would just like pat yourself on the back, that's why we do FYFs, celebrate the wins of what you survived.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You do learn something from it every single time, right?
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't do things the same way.
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also know that many of you listen to this podcast are do it all yourself, and that feels safe to you.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I am that person, I'll just do it myself, and then we'll get done the way I want, and then it'll be perfect, and I will have a certainty and a security and safety.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the reality is, is that we end up not trusting anybody when that happens.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: We think we have so much self-trust up, we're the ones who can do it, and then we trust no one, and then we become actually more and more alone.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is not necessarily what creates safety,
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying that you have to like have a business partner or a life partner or anything but you can hire people right or you can ask for help or you like a book go to my book club like there's just different things we can do so that we are not just doing everything all ourselves all of the time that's just just too much in one life for anyone to do.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you actually leverage AI to help you with the things you need to do.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, people are always better, but also if you want to feel safe and secure, if you have these emotional up and down roller coasters where you just feel like you have certainty and uncertainty, chances are you might be trying to do it all yourself, and that is exhausting.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: not only don't have anyone to trust in doing something, but then you start developing this inability to trust people.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then another thing that is affecting us, if we are a hyper-independent type people, where in that trap is we actually
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: can get into a place of like, what if I lose everything?
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We start to panic and then we go back to that catastrophizing situation and we worry and it actually doesn't prevent anything bad from happening, but it does ruin your present moment.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I had an incredible episode interview with an astrologer with Alex Kieho.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We actually talk about intuition and like how you can have an intuitive thought.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And bad things could still happen, but that is, I mean, your intuition is wrong.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you heard your intuition and it gave a warning.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Does it mean that you should have heard it a split second sooner?
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, you listen, right?
• 7:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So like, it's just really important that we don't allow the worry of what could happen, keep us from what is happening and enjoying that.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because if we don't enjoy it, we don't learn from it.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we don't have the muscle we need for when the batch it happens.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, let's
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we've had a couple of semantics experts on the podcast, Lauren Zoller, and Carrie Ford, and if you are really into semantics, they are experts in school, listen to their episodes, but I can tie it into Pilates, right?
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you do Pilates correctly, you should not feel tension anywhere, but because tension just creates rigidity, but you should feel connection and connection to our muscles
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right?
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So our center creates some stability so that we can move our limbs or our limbs help create stability so we can move our center.
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think it's really important that safety is not the same as rigidity.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, a lot of us are thinking that tension and rigidity and these strict rules of I'm going to do it all myself.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: No one can help me.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It actually
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: and what is rigid will eventually break, but what is connected can bend.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, can flow and move with it.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I definitely can think back to a few times where like my,
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: trying to control everything and how it went out just caused not only more stress on me, but just more stress on the people of my team because I could not articulate what was needed because I was in such a fear state that I was actually just talking about what could happen versus what I wanted to happen.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I will just say is like, if you keep talking, if you hear yourself talking about what could happen, what could happen, you are not focused on doing the things for what you want to happen.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then guess what happens, the thing that could happen because that's where your focus was, right?
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: We had Brad Bizjack on the podcast.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think he brought this up on the podcast.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're like the most car accidents are like in the, in like the rural areas and they hit a light pole.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But there's like hundreds of feet between light poles, how was this happening?
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because they're focused on a not hiding light pole, right?
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to like get out of the hyper independence trap and actually move into some rituals for finding safety, that's safe harbor.
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you listen to the habit series, you know I like little tiny habits, so I want you to create micro promises.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love the messy action.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not not taking that, but you're not going big and bold and seeing what six of the while you're actually going to want to be taking tiny little actions messy right like I'm going to do this thing and see how it goes, but instead of making this big all or nothing thing that can feel.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: scary, right?
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Especially if you're listening to this over in your over 40, if you're like in your 20, you're like, I'm going to do you can go big and bold and have the most fun you should.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're over 40 and you're like, I that stuff kind of scares me when you say that Leslie, I feel you that messy action doesn't have to be like what everything.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to like quit at all.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can take a little micro promise.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can make one little tiny action step today and see what that unveils and reveals, right?
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Episode three or five.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said, you can't see the whole staircase which you can see the first step and you take it.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: So take the first step, the first little action that you can like, no most steps so it shows the next one.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you'll start to see that you have the security that you're looking for to take more action and really,
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: build that trust in yourself, especially if you don't have it right now, especially if you're like, I wish I had the self trust that you have, well, then you have to take baby actions.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, not the biggest mess, the time, tiny time.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: You also have to make sure taking time to regulate your nervous system.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Try to buy this before.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh my gosh, sometimes you feel stuck, but you just have a dysregulial nervous system.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, sometimes you feel nervous, feels unsafe, but you have a nervous system that's picking up on something.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I said it in the last episode, but you have to actually have non-negotiable daily practices for yourself, but I'll either feel safe and secure.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I wouldn't do fluffy shit.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't go, I'm safe.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm secure.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, what makes you feel that way?
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Does it make you feel safe to have a wonderful bed from the has no phones in it?
• 11:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: That has the right light set night that has these like the, that you shut the door.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like what makes you feel safe and secure?
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Does it make you feel safe and secure if you check the being account every day or once a week?
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, what are the things that you need to do so you can actually like round down?
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, and if you need even more, then there's semantic work you can do.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's logistical, like financial check-ins, locked the door, have a friend that knows where you're at all times.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then there's the semantic one, which is like maybe doing some breath work or some plies every day.
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Something that moves your body that takes the stress out of your brain and your body and like connects your mind and body back together.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's really easy to tell ourselves some funky stuff in our brains, right?
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what we have to do is ultimately find a paradigm shift and move away from, I feel safe from my bank account is X to I feel safe right now because I know how to navigate whatever comes.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: right, we have to really understand that they're going to be things that happen and maybe it's not a bank account that makes you feel unsafe, but maybe it's a phone ringing, right?
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe it's someone asking for a meeting, but not telling you when it's for like there's so many different things that can all of a sudden like make a still like our boat, which was in a safe harder is now in its storm, all of a sudden.
• 13:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we one have to know what those things are about ourselves.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, it's for one of you, it could be bank account for another.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a boss for another.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a mentor.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's these different things that could happen that really just like immediately dysregulated to make us feel unsafe.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you know yourself,
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then you can go, okay, so then what are the things that I can look to, to be my north star, to be my compass, to be my anchor, what are those things, because what ultimately happen when you have those touch point is that you actually will stop fearing uncertainty and you will finally have freedom to do it all of the things you want to do whatever that is, because the reality is is that we have six needs as humans.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: we need certainty.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we need uncertainty and my ADHD people, you need uncertainty.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: You love a little bit of change.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm ADHD.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I need certainty and I don't like it.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want everything to be exactly the same and I want it to be different all of the time.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so just so you know, this is a was a really hard hard thing.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I had to like hit my rock bottoms a few times.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have survived the 100% of hard days.
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I want to move this company to where I want it to be, if I want to be as big as it is, if I want to have the impact, but I want to have, which is like impacting tens of thousands of people who love Pilates, then I cannot feel unsafe when shit hits the fan.
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot, because it will just ruin my dreams.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will not ever get there.
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope this helps.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really do.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one last thing that really helps me is just sometimes when you say things that loud, even to yourself.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel very unsafe right now.
• 14:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel very worried right now.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel this and then you go, why?
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you start talking to yourself about those things, you start to realize, oh, wait, hold on.
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's this thing over there.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: This thing over here.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you owe my God, send in wins and you hear them on Fridays with me on a shitty day, you might just hear about a win you hadn't go away to minute.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This bad thing's happening.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I had that thing happen there.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I forgot.
• 15:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So all of a sudden you go from feeling unsafe and uncertain to feeling very secure and having that self-trust reminder.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to do that for you.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So send in to your wins to the beepod.compsest questions.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you have topics, you would like these to let the episodes go into.
• 15:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Please ask.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to talk more about one of the things that I said and these two episodes ask, so that I know.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are for you.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're definitely not for me.
• 15:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I talked to myself all day.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: My loves So I want I want these to be for you.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want these to change your life.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want these to support you and everything that you're doing because you're doing everything Well, you're you're you're doing a great job You're doing better than you used to have credit for and the world needs you You are the only person who can do what you do the way that you do it.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, until next time be tasty
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's all I got for this episode of The Be It Tell You See at Podcasts, one thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review, and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Be It Pot on Instagram.
• 16:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a tell you see it.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have an awesome day!
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
• 16:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And finally, the Meredith route for keeping us all on point and on time.