Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep12: The Anjelah Hour (Give or Take) 🤣.

Transcript

S2 Ep12: The Anjelah Hour (Give or Take) 🤣. · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's here tonight.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Give it up for my dad.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: He's in the house.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: My daddy, oh.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's so cool.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my dad.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: My dad is like a Mr.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Cool guy, like life of the party, you know what I mean?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like super athletic, like really into sports.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like my dad's the kind of guy who watches a boxing match on TV as if he is in the boxing match on TV.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like he'll watch it like this.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, whoa, dad, are you winning?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: You got us involved in sports when we were younger, but not like the legit way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Only if it was free to sign up and you got a free t-shirt to play.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you had a pay-for uniform, forget it, you can't be on that team.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, I ran track and field growing up, but I wasn't on a track team.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: My dad would just take me to the track meets on Saturday morning and sign me up.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was the only one with my number on binder paper.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It would look like this.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Lane one, Lincoln High School, blue and gold.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Lane two, Gunnerson High School, brown and gold.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Lane three, Angela.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And some jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of flip-flops.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what I was doing.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't trained properly.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody else is lined up in their professional, like, I'm a runner.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you start position, except for me, because I was up there like this.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody on the side is telling me, like, get down.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Get down in the position.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, why?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I gonna get down?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta get back up to start running.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't trained properly.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sure enough, the race starts, the gun goes off, everybody takes off running, except for me.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hiding.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was a drive-by.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's happening.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was really into wrestling growing up.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: WWF.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Before it was WWE.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like some old school wrestling, like some hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ultimate Warrior, Rider Roddy Piper, me and Dollar Man, talk about earthquake, demolition bush, whack of.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was seven years old into wrestling, right?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know when a kid does something good in school, you give him like a toy or a prize or something, right?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm seven.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I got good grades one time.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad surprised me with tickets to go see WWF at the arena.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was the best day in all the seven years I had lived up to that point.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was so cool.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Me and my sister and my dad went to the arena.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: My mom painted our faces like Legion of Doom.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: We walked into that arena like we were Legion of Doom.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're gonna tag team as an accidentally.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the wrestlers come out, right?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And they run to the ring and everybody's trying to get a high five from the wrestler.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm the littlest one trying to get a high five, talking about I saw Jim Dugging! I saw Jim Dugging!
• 3:46
  unknown: Right here!
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right here! Right here! But he didn't see me.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a little brother.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: He's starting to get into that like MMA fighting, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: See, I'm not a big fan of that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a fan of my brother doing that.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like Mr.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Macho guy, like muscles, tattoos everywhere.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like all he does is train in a fight, work out at the gym, and take pictures of himself for Facebook.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But really, if you knew my brother, he is the most sensitive guy you will ever meet.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: He is like he's the first to cry at an all-state commercial.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: He cannot take constructive criticism.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he still sleeps with a teddy bear.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And not even like a little one that you can hide up somewhere, like a full-on I won this at the county fair.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm gonna sleep with it.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he's had it for years since he was a kid, right?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So it's filthy.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's disgusting.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And one day my mom washed it and she put it in the washing machine, and my brother came home and he's like, Mom, where's my bear?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where is my bear?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I washed it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You what?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: In the machine?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, does he still have his nose?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no, I think you're bear tapped out.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're an adult, stop sleeping with bears.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And move out.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I got a lot of good childhood memories growing up, but now moving on to that next phase in my life.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just got married recently.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know I didn't mean to blind y'all, sorry.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's Russ Barkley.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still Angie from the black.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: When I first started telling people that I got married, like a lot of people were surprised.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, what?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I didn't even know.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I thought you were a lesbian.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Surprise! Ponytails because I'm lazy, not a lesbian.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you for coming.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Everything about my wedding day was perfect, except for the fact that I got sick.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was my own fault too.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Cause uh what had happened was uh I took too many supplements that day.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And by supplements, I mean I take this multi-pack vitamin, it's like six different vitamins.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was on antibiotics from the week before because I was fighting something, and then I got congested, so I took a decongestant pill, but then I got a headache, so I took like three avvil.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And like you can't put that much poison in your body, and your body not try to get rid of it, right?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: See, I wasn't thinking about that.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a wedding day.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was just all excited.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I started feeling a little sick, so I took the whole aisle three at the pharmacy.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: We decided to take pictures before the actual ceremony, so I'm there like posing for my pictures, and then all of a sudden it just hit me like I think I have to use a restaurant.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, wait a minute, never mind, false alarm.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you know how it comes and goes.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like your body will give you that natural first warning.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's up to you if you want to be obedient or not.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you supposed to give the warning and be like, ooh, better start making my way over.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's what it's for.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: See, I tried to man up, right?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, no, no, I got this.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Go, go, take the picture, take a picture, start posing for my picture again.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then I don't know if anybody here ever seen that movie Bridesmaids.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know that part where she goes boo-booing her dress?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: While I'm standing there posing for my picture, and all of a sudden they hit me again.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, ooh, that's another warning.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I had to recollect on my track and field training.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I had to run back to my hotel room.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: My photographer had to help me jump out of my dress real fast.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not in their job description.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: By the time I walked down the aisle, everybody just thought I was nervous because my face is pale.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm walking down the aisle like this.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do you take this man to be your husband?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do you?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: He does.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: We all do, we all do.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need me for the rest of this, do you?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be in the back.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, it was a beautiful day.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we had a great time, friends, family, it was a lot of fun.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just uh take a couple of emodium and you're all good.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: But if you take emodium, be careful because you're good for like three days.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: You'd be like, okay, I'm ready.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's too real.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think I gravitate towards Filipinos because we're very similar.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Mexicans and Filipinos are very similar.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have big families, y'all have big families.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: We live at the same house, y'all live at the same house.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Very similar.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: One of my good friends, she's Filipino, right?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh one day her grandma was driving, and she probably shouldn't have been, but she was.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you may think you know where I'm going with a joke, but you don't, so just wait for it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So her little Filipino grandma, she's driving, and all of a sudden she hit a dog.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know, it was really sad.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: But her response to that was oy, slurry dog.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So at least she apologized.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And now I just use that in everyday life.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I trip over something, I'm like, oi, study dog.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like all my Filipino friends are real jumpy, like they get scared real easily.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like my friend Panny, she's Filipino, she gets scared of everything.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do anything scary, just walk around the corner unannounced.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: You scare me, huh?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Filipinos go through like ten different scared facial expressions.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: One time I was at the mall at like Orange Julius or something, and there's a little Filipino lady working the register, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And she went to hand me my receipt, but it dropped, so she goes, Just a receipt, I got it.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so we don't want no kids.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband and I we're still real new, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like we just got married last summer, we had just moved in together, so we're still like figuring each other out, right?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like our little things we do, our little rules we have, right?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like for instance, like my toothbrush, right?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: I like to be the only one that uses my toothbrush.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: This guy, I don't know how he grew up.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe they're on a budget or something.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: But like he came to me the other day, he's like, hey babe, can I use a toothbrush real quick?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, what?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's the option for you.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're thinking about it.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sick.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, what?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just like kissing.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: We kiss at the same thing.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I do not scrape off your tartar with my tongue.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know I'm pretty amazing.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm almost positive I cannot prevent cavities.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: My husband likes to leave his shoes right in the middle of a walkway.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like as soon as you open the door, boom, shoes.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now you couldn't kick them off to the side.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was hard to do.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: So all throughout the house I just trip over shoes, like, oh you slutty dog.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're still real new, so like I still try to look cute when I sleep.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll probably grow out of that one real quick.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: But right now I still try to look cute, right?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: But it's kind of hard because I sleep with Invisalign trays in my mouth.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes when I wake up, my lid will get stuck to the plastic tray.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wake up looking like fire marshal beer.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like full on, let me show you a shotgun.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Face will be all greasy.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's not cute.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: So when I feel myself starting to wake up, like I'll fix my lip real quick.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I put grease on my lip like it's gloss.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Make it work.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Make it work.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we're pretty good with decision making, right?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like he'll come to me with stuff, I'll come to him with stuff, like teamwork, you know.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: But uh every now and then he'll try to go off and do his own thing.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like uh recently we just bought some curtains for the house.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I told him, I said, when you're at the store, take a picture of him and send it to me before you buy it, right?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: But he forgot that part.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I came home to these gaudy Armenian curtains hanging in my house that are like two feet too short.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I got high water curtains.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing my brother came over the house, he's like, uh, why you got capripan curtains?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: My husband and I travel a lot for work.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: He travels with music, I travel with jokes, and sometimes I go to like some small town, like nobody has ever heard of this town, like these people haven't even heard of their own town.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when you fly to a small town, you have to fly on a small plane.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I went to a town recently where the plane I was on, I don't even think it had an engine.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure it was a paper plane.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like it just had two propellers out front.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, as you step onto the plane, you had to take turns, spin in the propeller.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is the price is right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I checked my seat assignment, it says shotgun.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: They had one flight attendant, she was wearing regular clothes and a name tag.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like real suspicious.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I fly a lot, so I'm used to the way things work on an airplane, right?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm used to the announcements they make, like flight attendant, prepare for landing.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm used to hearing that kind of stuff, right?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: But on this plane, we got a different announcement.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: It sounded more like Stephanie, we're coming in.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Stephanie.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: What's this?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: A family-owned plane?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Stephanie, if you need any more of that potato salad you made for the church picnic last week, you bring it on up to the cockpit.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Potato salad.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel surfing.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: One of my cousins in Hawaii, he tried to teach me how to surf, right?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: But see, surfing and I do not go hand in hand because when I get in the ocean, I only go up to about right here.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if we could catch a wave in this level, let's do this.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is how I'm thinking.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, God forbid, I need to be rescued for some reason.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to be as simple as one, two, gotcha.
• 19:35
  unknown: Right?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's it, this is as deep as I go, right here.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll dunk.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, real quick, like.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: My cousin, he does kite surfing, regular surfing, all kind of surfing.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I have come to realize there are two kind of people in Hawaii: the kind that surf and Japanese people.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you ever been, but I got off the plane a little confused.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I sure did.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: And these are the kind of Japanese people with money, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like they wear all the name designer brands all at the same time.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's all this one girl wearing some Gucci sandals, a Prada shirt, a Louis Vuitton bag, and like an Ed Hardy blinged out hat.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: All the name designers, don't none of them match.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Really, how'd this girl get dressed in the morning?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: She must have walked in her closet, closed her eyes, and was like, what rare today.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: After Hawaii, we went to an island called Guam.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, all right, tomorrow in the building.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: I see you.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that island.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was beautiful.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had a great time on that island.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: My only complaint is I got bit by a fish.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't even know that was possible.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm not traveling around telling jokes, I do live in Los Angeles doing some acting stuff.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: If any of you have kids, you might have seen the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Squeakel.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you that have not seen the movie, I'm actually in that one.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I brought it up.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: It'll just give random chipmunk shout-outs.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Really popular with three-year-olds.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're kind of my demographic.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Wish they could buy tickets to my shows.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I met the most adorable fan recently.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: She was four years old at the mall with her mom.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And she was really brave.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: She walked right up to me and she goes, I saw you in a chipmunks.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Said you did.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Do you see me sitting on my bed?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was the cutest thing I had ever heard.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't know how to respond to that.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, shoot, what do I do?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Tell her the truth and crush her dreams?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I was looking to her mom, like, uh, what do I do?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Tell her the truth or tell her a lie?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do I say?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And her mom's like, well, did you?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone here see the movie Our Family Wedding?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, for those of you that did not see the movie, I'm in that one too.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll tell you the preview, okay?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then you'll think about it.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: You'll go, oh yeah, I remember seeing that preview.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't take it a step further.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our family wedding is basically the story of the Mexican family and the black family marry into each other and all the crazy things that happen when the two cultures collide.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: We had a really great cast.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: We had America Ferreira play her sister.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Carlos Mancia played our dad.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: We have Forrest Whitaker, Regina King, Lance Gross, Lupe Andrevedas, the woman that killed Selena, the movie Selena.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she played my grandma.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how I felt about it at first either.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had to remind myself it's just acting.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't really do it.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Don't look her in the eye.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And don't turn your back.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: She's actually a really nice lady.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, I had them on my trailer away from hers just in case.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: We had a half Latino cast and a half black cast, right?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: We did what's called a press junket.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: They set up one day where all these different TV shows come and they interview you to promote the movie that you're in, right?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: So they're like, okay, Latino cast, you guys can do all the Spanish interviews.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, okay, that's cool.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't speak Spanish.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: My last name is Johnson.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Might as well put me in the black interview.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, it's okay.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: We'll just do it like this.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have the interviewer ask the question in Spanish to the camera, then he'll ask it in English to you, and we'll just cut that part out like a Spanish voice over you.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: That was their solution to do interviews all day like a kung fu movie.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Every now and then they would give me something in Spanish to say to the camera, like, hola, so Angela Johnson y les invito a ver a our family wedding.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: And like I was sound good, right?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like I knew what I was talking about.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: So at one point, this interview guy was like, you could do the interview on Spaniche.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can say that because you just told me how to say it, but I'm not gonna understand you, so this will go nowhere.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just try.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just try.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: I've been trying since I was twelve.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: The first question he asked me, this is what it sounded like to me.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh river, Carlos Mencilla, uh river, our family waiting.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is my response to him.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's do English, let's do English.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, bo English, that's what I said.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only on level two of my Rosetta Stone.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Despacio.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was in New York, I met this guy that I'm pretty sure hates women.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or he's just mad at us right now.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because like he came up to me out of the blue and was like, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: No offense, but I don't think female comedians are funny.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, huh, pat.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, um, okay.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: You do you, homie.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think he got mad that I didn't get mad, because then he went on to say, yeah, cuz like even when I'm playing video games, I don't pick none of the girl characters, because they just not as good.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty sure we're not even talking about stand-up comedy anymore.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like I'm not a big gamer, you know, like I don't own any of the consoles.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had the old original Nintendo back in the day.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: When all you needed was up, down, left, right, A, B, star select.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I learned how to duck hunt.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I would cheat too, walk right up to the screen, like boom, boom, boom.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: But well, who gonna stop me?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: If that little dog would laugh at me, I shoot him too.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was running track on that little mat thing that came with it.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that little mat?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Doing hurdles.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I got my training.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: If something was broke, all you had to do to fix it was blow on it.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Boom, fix.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, you ever wake up in the morning and uh you do your hair and your makeup, and then you look in the mirror and you're like, hmm.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I meant to do.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like your hair came out wrong.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: You did your makeup all weird for some reason.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, since when do I wear pink eyeshadow and glitter at 10 a.m.?
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: You try to fix it by putting more and more makeup on your face.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: By the end, you just look like a drag queen.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or one of the girls that works at Mac Makeup.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you're running late to work, so you can't take it all off and start over.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh well, I guess I'm going to work as Lady Gaga today.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, whatever, I was born this way.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite taco spot is right in the middle of South Central.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And one night I was driving home and I was like, you know what?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want a taco.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's late and it's dark, but I'm a grown adult and I want a taco.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I start driving to this taco spot, well aware that this could be my last meal.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: But these tacos are good.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't your normal walk up to the window, order your food kind of place.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: All of the windows are bulletproof.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: You have to push a button to buzz the door open to get inside.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: You order your food through a glass window, they put it on a tray and push it out to you.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you're in prison, but you don't know if you're the guard or the prisoner.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm walking up, right?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: I see this one mean-looking thug sitting out front, like he looked mean.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: He had a scar from here to here.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: He was wearing a wife beater, some sweats, and some house shoes.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know those corduroy house shoes.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: This bull had his house shoes on in the outside the house.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm walking up, right?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: I see this guy, he looks at me, then he looks at my car, and then back to me, and then back to my car.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh no, he's gonna rob me.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus, I just wanted a taco.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I get all scared, right?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh shoot, what do I do?
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can't just stop, run back to my car and leave.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's racist.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, shoot, just act tough, right?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just act tough.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I put my shoulders back.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, what's up, homie?
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Put a little stank face on it.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, eh.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hey.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, blue shirt?
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you think you hook it up with a chicken taco right quick?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, he just wants a taco, thank you, Jesus.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, yeah, dude, I'll get you a taco.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's no problem.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: That is no problem.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I push the button, buzz the door open to get inside.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: This dude comes walking in right behind me, like breathing down my neck.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, he tricked me, oh, he tricked me.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: He said he just wants taco, he's gonna rob us.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's my bad.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's my bad.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, hey, you can tell him put some sour cream on it.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, ooh, he's just getting picky, that's all.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: My bad.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: So this guy goes and finds himself a nice little table at the restaurant.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I walk up to the window and I'm like, okay, look.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know this fool.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: But he asked me to get him a taco, so I'ma give him a taco because I'm scared.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: But if I give you the signal, that means call the cops.