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Locked in an ER Closet: My Terrifying — and Hilarious — Night at the Hospital · LOLwithMariandJohn.com

• 0:27
  Yes all right,
• 0:35
  So,
• 0:38
  we had quite the eventful past, what, 48 hours? Yes, big time. So, all right.
• 0:46
  So, this is a clue. There's a clue right there. See it?
• 0:51
  And it's not a wristband for a rave party.
• 0:56
  That's your wish, right? Yeah, I wish. But I came home yesterday from the procedure
• 1:03
  I had done on my eye. Yes. And I got laced.
• 1:07
  Old people were always having procedures. Procedures were always at the hospital.
• 1:11
  They're starting to get to know us. By name. It's scary. Very scary.
• 1:13
  It's sad. So I got home after being laced.
• 1:17
  I still had a gloopy eye. She had lasers in her eyeballs. I had lasers in my eyeballs.
• 1:21
  And I get home and I said, how are you?
• 1:24
  And you said, not great. I'm not feeling great. I said, yeah,
• 1:29
  I was feeling a pain in my abdomen by my belly button, kind of on down there.
• 1:35
  And I had never felt a pain like that before. Yeah.
• 1:40
  It was concerning, you know, we were in pain, and I was like, it'll go.
• 1:47
  I'll just drink a lot of water. I'll lay down for a while. It'll be gone tomorrow.
• 1:50
  Yeah, because that's what we usually do. Yeah, because, you know,
• 1:53
  God, I don't want to go to the doctor.
• 1:57
  Not that we hate you, doctors. We love you, and we're very grateful.
• 2:01
  But you don't go to a doctor for a good reason, usually. I mean,
• 2:03
  unless it's just a checkup. True.
• 2:06
  But trust me, if you saw her calendar, we are at the doctors far too much in
• 2:10
  our old age. It's just, you know.
• 2:13
  So eat right and exercise. There's the bottom line. Eat lots of fiber.
• 2:17
  Vegetables. Green. Drink along to water. Oh, you know the routine.
• 2:23
  So anyways, I'm feeling this pain. And I was going to lay down and kind of ignore
• 2:28
  it. And something in my brain just kept saying, you know, that's a real unusual
• 2:32
  pain. I don't think you've ever felt that.
• 2:34
  You've never felt that before it was weird it was a weird pain and.
• 2:40
  So I got dressed and washed up, got dressed, shaved.
• 2:45
  Yeah. Because I can't go looking ugly. You've got to smell pretty,
• 2:48
  too. Yeah, and then Maddie was like, do you want me to go with you?
• 2:51
  And I was like, no, no, no. You never want to go.
• 2:54
  And listen, since I'm 10 years old, I'm having surgery on cancer.
• 2:58
  My mom drops me off at the hospital.
• 3:01
  I had five different surgeries for cancer.
• 3:04
  Each time, my mom would drop me off at the hospital, and I would stay overnight,
• 3:09
  whatever, have the procedure done.
• 3:11
  And then I would walk home because the hospital was at the end of our neighborhood.
• 3:15
  I was used to just going through these procedures by myself. It was cancer.
• 3:21
  So, hey, it's just the way it was. Yeah, but still. When you got a lot of kids, you're busy.
• 3:26
  You drop one off at the hospital and you say, hey, call me if you need me.
• 3:30
  So I didn't need her. Yeah, my mom would go with me every single time.
• 3:34
  No, no. For everything. Not me.
• 3:36
  Not me. So that's how I grew up. That's what I do.
• 3:39
  If I got to go in for something, I go in by myself. So Monty calls me an Uber.
• 3:43
  You want me to go? I say no. I go into the hospital.
• 3:49
  So the lady at the desk, of course, recognizes me. It's so sad.
• 3:55
  Yeah, right. In the emergency room. And she says, well, she says that...
• 4:03
  That nice people go to the front of the line. So I was admitted immediately.
• 4:09
  And the other people in the waiting room,
• 4:13
  you can wait. You weren't nice. She'll know you.
• 4:18
  VIP at the ER. That's a lot of abbreviation. All right. So I go in there.
• 4:25
  Unfortunately, they're packed. So there are no rooms available.
• 4:30
  Tell them what you saw. Oh, God. Okay. They had, well, at first,
• 4:35
  I was sitting in there forever, and then they sent me this young lady to take blood.
• 4:43
  They're called, what are they called? The blood people. Phlebotomists. Phlebampires.
• 4:48
  So they sent me a vampire junior to take my blood.
• 4:53
  And I guess, I mean, I guess she was new to the system.
• 4:56
  I don't know what, but, um, on her, you guys on her seventh,
• 5:03
  seventh, seventh attempt at, uh, finding a vein unsuccessfully.
• 5:11
  Seven times in with a needle. And then she would twist them around to see if
• 5:15
  it could find the vein, you know?
• 5:18
  And I was like, I'm dying. I'm like, Oh, I don't know how much more.
• 5:22
  So then she says, maybe I should, maybe I should get my supervisor.
• 5:26
  And I was like, yeah, maybe that's a good idea. So, um, so she goes and gets
• 5:32
  her supervisor and the supervisor comes in. It did take her supervisor two tries.
• 5:36
  Cause it was, I have problematic veins.
• 5:39
  So, uh, They got it. Okay, so there was that gun.
• 5:43
  So I'm still sitting there waiting for a room after they've done all that stuff.
• 5:46
  And a bunch of paramedics are coming in with ER beds. And one of the guys was a gunshot wound.
• 5:54
  That was a different guy. I saw two gunshot wounds. One was a gunshot wound.
• 6:00
  That's insane. Yeah. And so anyway, so I'm sitting there, sitting there,
• 6:04
  sitting there because they're packed.
• 6:05
  And I told them, you guys, this
• 6:06
  is like, you guys are like busy like McDonald's at lunch. they were busy.
• 6:12
  When they finally got me a room we had to walk past a hallway full of gurneys
• 6:20
  with people on them I mean it was like,
• 6:23
  they were busy and the room they got me,
• 6:27
  God bless them because they got me a room they were treating me so VIP it was scary
• 6:32
  because these guys are in the hall waiting for any private room or any not even
• 6:36
  a private room curtain off areas uh where they line up the beds you know six
• 6:41
  in a row yeah and then you just got curtains,
• 6:44
  between each one no they found me a private closet it was it was in the closet
• 6:51
  it was a storage it was a storage room and they moved equipment out of it,
• 6:55
  and um so they put me in there and uh had to pass the equipment on the way in
• 6:59
  and stuff like that it had two double doors big heavy, heavy doors, like a vault.
• 7:05
  And they put me in there. They didn't have any more, they didn't have any beds.
• 7:09
  So they put me in one of those well, basically, like, what's.
• 7:13
  What um you get wheeled in yeah those yeah those um the paramedics those paramedic
• 7:19
  beds that are really thin you know for us big old fat people oh you might rise
• 7:24
  but so they put me on one of those little skinny beds i mean skinny bed,
• 7:28
  and um i and so i was like nervous and i asked them to put the handrail up yeah
• 7:33
  if you roll a little to this way a little you're you're on the floor,
• 7:37
  and um then they came in right away with the ivs you know more needles needle
• 7:42
  needle by the By the time they got done poking with needles my entire visit,
• 7:46
  I had 16 new holes put in my arms.
• 7:50
  And they ended up having to go through my knuckles to get the blood with the
• 7:54
  veins on top of the knuckles because they were the only ones visible that would
• 7:58
  not burst when the needle would go.
• 8:00
  Anyway, so in doing that, and they get the IV, and then they're doing the drip,
• 8:09
  drip, drip, and that is gone in no time.
• 8:11
  So then they do one with antibiotics and they, you know, and they take me in
• 8:14
  for a CT scan, blah, blah, blah, all sorts of stuff.
• 8:17
  And they realize that I have...
• 8:21
  Um, my appendix is in the CT scan. They see that it's swollen to the point of
• 8:26
  like, it's going to burst, which is a dangerous thing for somebody our age.
• 8:32
  And so, yeah, so there, so that's why the antibiotics and then followed by more.
• 8:39
  But the thing is, they're in such a rush. I don't know.
• 8:41
  I don't know how this works. This is what I'm imagining.
• 8:44
  All i know is that the liquids were cold enough to make my body go into like
• 8:50
  hypothermia and i started shaking,
• 8:56
  and my teeth my whole body i'm kidding you not the entire bed was rattling it
• 9:02
  was you know that metal you could hear.
• 9:07
  And i was like oh my god what's happening to me okay yeah and so the thing is
• 9:13
  i'm looking around and because i made this basically,
• 9:16
  what looks like a storage closet there's no way to call a nurse to call an attendant
• 9:22
  call somebody there's no buttons anywhere there's nothing like that in that
• 9:25
  room just the cot i was on so
• 9:28
  i start trying to call them verbally,
• 9:33
  help me,
• 9:36
  somebody can you hear me and my whole body is tensing up tensing up because I'm freezing,
• 9:46
  and it was weird it happened like in a minute all of a sudden my body was and
• 9:50
  then it got worse and worse and I was freezing it was like hypothermia I was
• 9:54
  just like shaking uncontrollably my legs, my back, my arms everything was tensing up my head,
• 10:01
  My teeth couldn't stop shattering,
• 10:04
  And I was screaming for them Help me!
• 10:06
  Help me! And they couldn't hear me Because those damn heavy double doors That
• 10:12
  were in front of my room Were blocking all the audio And...
• 10:17
  The room next to me had another guy who must have been there on drugs and a
• 10:26
  little bit loopy because he was yelling with me.
• 10:32
  So they thought we were having like a drug party or something.
• 10:36
  So nobody was coming for like 15 minutes.
• 10:38
  And I swear, I really started to panic because I knew,
• 10:44
  with my physical condition, if I kept shaking like that and vibrating and tensing
• 10:49
  and getting more and more and more tense to the point where my head started to hurt so bad.
• 10:54
  I was tensing up and I couldn't move and I was having trouble even forming words. I was just...
• 11:02
  And so just something inside me said, dude, you're not going to survive this.
• 11:06
  If you don't freaking make some major noise.
• 11:10
  So I started just to scream at the top of my lungs.
• 11:19
  And finally, like a minute or two later, a nurse came running into the room
• 11:24
  and was like, what's going on? And I was like, I'm freezing.
• 11:32
  And then all of a sudden, more people just cored into the room.
• 11:36
  And they're like Mr. Srabio please calm down take deep breaths take deep breaths
• 11:39
  please calm down here and I hear uh the doctor explaining to them that the fluids
• 11:46
  went in too quickly and uh that they brought my body temperature down rapidly,
• 11:51
  they were cold the fluids were cold and they emptied three bags into me really fast and um,
• 11:59
  So they went and they got these heating pads and they broke them up and they
• 12:02
  put them all over my body. They couldn't put them anywhere near my abdomen, though.
• 12:05
  But they put them on my legs and my chest. And I was holding on to them and I was sick.
• 12:09
  And it took me, I kid you not, it took me about 15 minutes before my body stopped
• 12:15
  shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking.
• 12:21
  And finally,
• 12:25
  I started to relax a little. but every once in a while but it was not it was
• 12:31
  not permanent it was just every once in a while you know before it was like
• 12:34
  non-stop now it was just every once in a while just a oh my god,
• 12:41
  it makes me nervous just to watch you do that oh my god but finally finally
• 12:47
  finally finally finally,
• 12:49
  And, um, oh, and then, and then, uh, they gave me morphine and that kind of
• 12:56
  made me feel a little, a lot better. A little, a lot. Yeah.
• 13:00
  Cause it was like, we're going now. We go, we're going now.
• 13:06
  Fly me to the moon.
• 13:13
  And then, so they tried to wheel me out of the room, but the thing was I,
• 13:17
  the double doors all the equipment my bed kept getting caught on the equipment
• 13:22
  so they couldn't get me out of the room,
• 13:24
  jam jam there wasn't enough room to wheel me out so i sat up in the bed and
• 13:29
  i was pushing equipment back,
• 13:31
  and the nurse kept saying sir please lay down and keep your arms inside
• 13:35
  you know for safety purposes and i was like okay but i would still sit up and
• 13:38
  push push push because i want to get out of here i just want to get out of this
• 13:42
  room now get out of the closet and we get out And they finally get me in the hallway.
• 13:46
  And there's so many beds on the sides of the corridors that we're bumping into
• 13:53
  them. With people. With people.
• 13:57
  And I'm like, what is happening? COVID all over again? Look at all these people.
• 14:01
  And then one of the dudes, I hear him say that he has a bullet in his hand.
• 14:09
  And so I'm feeling really good from my drug inducement so I just sit up and
• 14:18
  tell him at least it wasn't in your chest it's easier to get out of your hand.
• 14:25
  Because you know it's my field of expertise yeah of course and he says to me
• 14:32
  yeah but the thing is it's been in my hand for a year and I'm like,
• 14:39
  And I laid back down, and all I could do was go, whoa, wow.
• 14:44
  Dude. So then they get me into the operating room, and the doctors are like,
• 14:49
  hey, heard you been through some stuff? And I was like, yeah,
• 14:54
  yeah, yeah. And he was like, well, you're going to feel much better now.
• 14:57
  And so then, you know, I give a shout out to the anesthesiologist.
• 15:05
  The person that puts you under.
• 15:07
  Because I was told this a long time ago.
• 15:10
  I am, I have sleep apnea and I use a sleep apnea machine at night by, by machine.
• 15:16
  And I am telling you because I have difficulty waking up after I am put under.
• 15:23
  And I'm supposed to give you that warning before I am put under by anybody.
• 15:28
  And she says, that's good. That's a good thing. And then.
• 15:35
  So she puts me under. He tells me, you know, told me I was going to feel good.
• 15:39
  I went under quick. Man, I went under. And listen, I woke up and I was in a
• 15:45
  private room overlooking Wrigley Field.
• 15:48
  Beautiful room. You know what I mean? Yeah. They gave me like the penthouse
• 15:51
  suite or something like that. You know, it was gorgeous. And the windows were giant.
• 15:55
  I'm serious. The windows were like 15 feet across. One window was gigantic. It was a gorgeous room.
• 16:01
  It was so bougie. It was so bougie. So bougie.
• 16:05
  Yes yes and i don't even have that great of assurance they must have you know
• 16:09
  i don't know what was going on anyways um yeah,
• 16:13
  so and the nurses were telling me on the way to the room you were so funny do
• 16:18
  you remember and i was like uh i was,
• 16:21
  i have no memory they're like oh honey you were so fun you were just so funny
• 16:26
  you're cracking us all up and i was like oh my god i I was putting him on his show.
• 16:31
  And you didn't film me. And I did, yeah. And so, yeah.
• 16:37
  And then, yeah, so that was great.
• 16:40
  And it was funny because I was ready to leave.
• 16:43
  I thought, you know, I slept there morning time because the surgery was right
• 16:49
  away as soon as I got there.
• 16:51
  So the following, you have to stay overnight. And then the following morning,
• 16:55
  woke up, had breakfast, blah, blah, blah, watched TV, blah, blah.
• 16:57
  Lunchtime rolls around, still waiting, waiting.
• 16:59
  Can I go home? I'm feeling much better. I mean, I'm feeling great.
• 17:03
  They took out the problem. Now I'm feeling like, whoo, ready to,
• 17:05
  plus they gave me coffee, coffee for breakfast, coffee for, and I do not drink coffee.
• 17:10
  So I was like a crack at, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo hoo.
• 17:15
  I'm ready. Fandango, let's go horse riding. I'm ready to go.
• 17:21
  So she tells me, the nurse tells me, okay, you are being discharged.
• 17:25
  And I'm like, thank the Lord. After how many hours? Yes. So she says,
• 17:30
  stay right here. I'm going to go get your discharge papers.
• 17:35
  So little old May kind of forgot the instructions. Kind of. Yeah.
• 17:42
  So I get up and I pull out the heart monitor and I pull off all the little tabs
• 17:49
  and i start hitting buttons on the heart monitor and the oxygen monitor and,
• 17:58
  uh and the bypass the ventilator machine they have yeah and and i'm just hitting
• 18:04
  the buttons and going oh that looks turn it off and it turns off and i go up to the other and i'm like,
• 18:10
  and i'm turning everything off hey i'm doing their job for them taking everything
• 18:15
  off setting it down. I go in the bathroom.
• 18:18
  I get dressed because I want to go.
• 18:21
  Put my backpack on and I go to the counter out at the nurse's station and I'm
• 18:25
  just sitting there waiting.
• 18:32
  And the nurse is about to walk by and she freezes and she turns to look at me
• 18:35
  and she says, what are you doing?
• 18:39
  And I said, I'm ready to go. And she goes like, just like she's the principal
• 18:43
  at school, go back to your room right now.
• 18:48
  And I'm like, yes, ma'am. And I go back and I sit down and I hear in the hallway,
• 18:55
  talking to this guy, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, and don't let him leave.
• 18:59
  And the guy walks up to my bedroom door at the hospital, stands in front of it,
• 19:06
  And just stands there like, where do you think you're going?
• 19:11
  Like I'm being guarded. It was hysterical. It was hysterical.
• 19:15
  And I hear her in the hallway. Don't you be trying to leave?
• 19:21
  I was like, yes, ma'am. So the guy is sitting there and he's watching me.
• 19:27
  He turns out to be gay as fruity, fruity, fruity gay.
• 19:30
  So sister, we start talking and I'm like, you know, the mask I was wearing.
• 19:35
  I hear that they throw those away. Is that true? And he says,
• 19:38
  yeah, they do. And I said, so I can take that with me then probably.
• 19:42
  And he said, yeah, go for it. I don't care.
• 19:44
  And I was like, and that beautiful cup that I was using with the straw,
• 19:49
  you know, and these tissues and those wipes and this bag here.
• 19:53
  And I just started putting things in my backpack.
• 19:57
  And he was like, I'm okay, whatever, whatever.
• 20:00
  So she finally comes back with the paperwork and signs me out.
• 20:04
  And then they put me in a wheelchair and he is the one that's going to take
• 20:07
  me in the wheelchair because you have to go everywhere in a wheelchair after procedure. Yeah.
• 20:11
  So I'm going, I'm being wheeled past the nurse's station and my nurse is sitting
• 20:16
  there and I, she, she shouts out.
• 20:18
  So I hear you've been stealing stuff.
• 20:22
  And I was like, yes, ma'am. And she goes, well, you paid for it.
• 20:25
  You may as well take it home with you.
• 20:27
  And so I just turned to her and I shout out as loud as I can.
• 20:30
  The mattress didn't fit into my backpack.
• 20:34
  And she says...
• 20:40
  She says, I'm going to miss you. Oh. And I said, I'll miss you too.
• 20:47
  She was badass. And then I came home.
• 20:53
  They sent you home. I was supposed to get you an Uber. I told her.
• 20:58
  I kind of fudged the truth. I told her. Because she said, do you have someone
• 21:02
  that can bring you home? And I said, no.
• 21:04
  And she said, well, we can arrange that for you. And I said, okay.
• 21:08
  So they did. so they arranged my ride home and stuff like that.
• 21:11
  Oh, and then the guy that wheeled me out there, the gay guy,
• 21:16
  when we were waiting for the UR, he goes, listen, you're a bit too energetic
• 21:21
  for someone who just got done with surgery.
• 21:23
  And I'm like, what is that supposed to be? And he goes, listen, listen carefully.
• 21:28
  It was like, it was like a guru speaking to you. Like Yoda. Like Yoda.
• 21:33
  He says, you have to milk this for all you can.
• 21:37
  Milk this for all you can. When you get home, you tell them,
• 21:42
  all your friends, that for the next few days, you can't cook, you can't clean,
• 21:49
  you can't do laundry, that you're going to need them to do all of that for you. You hear me?
• 21:55
  And I just put on this big old smile, and I was like, you're good.
• 21:58
  You are good. And he was like, I'm telling you, get what you can out of this.
• 22:03
  And I was like, thank you. So that's my big story for the day.
• 22:07
  That's what happened for the past 20 years. 48 hours I'm home and I'm feeling so much better yeah.
• 22:14
  Appendix they took a piece out of you they could have that thing I don't want
• 22:20
  it anymore alright so alright thanks for listening to us have fun check it out
• 22:28
  bye stay healthy love you.
• 22:32
  Uh, something inside me just said, go on in.
• 22:36
  It's an unusual pain. I never felt it before in my, in my belly,
• 22:40
  dumb, you know, the lower quadrant.
• 22:43
  And, um, good thing I came in because my gallbladder was swollen.
• 22:48
  And so they put me into surgery immediately and removed it.
• 22:53
  So here I am waiting for the doctor, hopefully, so I can be released because I'm ready to go home.