Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - I Got It At Sam Goody

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - I Got It At Sam Goody · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  Welcome, welcome to, to, to, very fine, fine, friends.
• 0:21
  Bonus improv.
• 0:27
  Wow, you guys, we did not coordinate that.
• 0:29
  That was amazing.
• 0:30
  I can't believe that just happened.
• 0:31
  When you work together long enough, you just get there.
• 0:34
  Yep.
• 0:38
  Yeah.
• 0:39
  Speaking of which, Joe, can we have a suggestion?
• 0:42
  Yes.
• 0:43
  Thank you.
• 0:44
  Your suggestion is anthropology.
• 0:47
  The store.
• 0:48
  That's what I thought of first, too.
• 0:50
  That is not a store for men.
• 0:52
  I know.
• 0:52
  It's so sad.
• 0:53
  Yeah.
• 0:53
  I was going to think, oh, they're going to have some cool guys.
• 0:55
  Like, maybe they'll have men's clothes that are interesting.
• 0:57
  Maybe they'll have some butch man stuff.
• 0:59
  Maybe they'll have a flathead screwdriver.
• 1:02
  But it's all home and women.
• 1:05
  Yeah.
• 1:05
  Yeah.
• 1:06
  Yeah, it's like wicker furniture and sundresses.
• 1:10
  Yeah, cute dresses, though.
• 1:11
  Yeah, I know.
• 1:12
  I never want to be a woman,
• 1:15
  but when I walk past an anthropology,
• 1:16
  I want to be a woman.
• 1:17
  If I was, I would be wearing these dresses.
• 1:19
  And they better be cute for $178.
• 1:21
  Yeah.
• 1:21
  Oh, if you're lucky.
• 1:23
  For a dress, yeah.
• 1:24
  No, anthropology, I like anthropology.
• 1:27
  I have some stuff from there.
• 1:29
  There was one time I was in there just browsing and, um, there was this lady, this, I felt so bad
• 1:37
  for this woman. She was in the, like the home section with like the, there was like dishes
• 1:42
  and stuff or whatever. And she's like looking at, and all of a sudden there's just this huge crash.
• 1:47
  She had knocked over a whole stack of plates. And, uh, and then the employees were like,
• 1:54
  like I could hear them by the register being like, uh, can someone go over to home? Like
• 1:58
  they got to clean this up and then and she so the woman was like so like as you would she felt
• 2:06
  terrible obviously um she's i'm so so sorry i'm so sorry and then the the chick was very nice but
• 2:11
  she's like no no this happens all the time don't worry about it like we'll just clean it up don't
• 2:16
  worry and she's like the woman's like she's like i'm really really sorry and she's backing out
• 2:20
  she's like backing away and then she knocks something else oh my god she's like oh my god
• 2:27
  I'm so sorry.
• 2:29
  I'm so sorry.
• 2:31
  Oh, I felt so terrible.
• 2:32
  You saw this?
• 2:33
  Yes.
• 2:34
  I was just like, oh, because like, because I saw myself in this woman, like this is a
• 2:41
  hundred percent something that would happen to me.
• 2:42
  And she was just so like so clearly like mortified by it like as anyone would be right Like well actually not anyone like as a nice person would be like this was an accident Then like you you know in your own clumsiness did this And then the employee was just like it okay I got it
• 2:59
  Don't worry about it. And so she, then she like, like very delicately, like left.
• 3:04
  And then she got airlifted out of the, by the Brooks brother's pig, airlifted her out.
• 3:12
  Cause a callback. Yeah. Callback to something that we did off pod.
• 3:16
  anyway wow that's horrible i know i know i felt i felt really bad for um and i felt bad for the
• 3:25
  employee too because it's like they it was like stacks of stuff and it was like because then you
• 3:29
  got to like damage all that stuff out so the only upside is you know it cost them absolutely nothing
• 3:34
  like it's like ceramic plates or porcelain plates yeah all that stuff is marked up beyond belief
• 3:41
  yeah and like there's no way that that doesn't like a box doesn't get damaged in shipping
• 3:46
  every now and then yeah but it's like it is work for the employee like yeah because they have to go
• 3:52
  through and they have to say like there's this many plates and they got to damage each one of
• 3:56
  them out and then they got to send it i think they have to i mean my guess is they have to send at
• 4:01
  least some of it back so to like proof so we used to have to do like if something was damaged we used
• 4:06
  have to mail it back to corporate basically to show that wasn't we didn't just take it and say
• 4:12
  something was damaged anyway so that's my anthropology story but i do think they'd have
• 4:19
  um if they did decide to branch into men's stuff they'd have some fun yeah nice i could see men
• 4:26
  sundresses moomoo's no i could see you wearing a male version of anthropology clothing yeah
• 4:33
  Because it's like, they're usually like bright and colorful and fun.
• 4:36
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  Like you.
• 4:37
  Thank you.
• 4:39
  Yeah.
• 4:39
  You always wear nice shirts.
• 4:41
  Thank you.
• 4:42
  Brief pause while we kiss.
• 4:46
  Okay.
• 4:47
  That's my anthropology story.
• 4:50
  And now, improv.
• 4:58
  You're the general manager of this store, is that right?
• 5:01
  That's correct.
• 5:01
  Yes.
• 5:02
  i'm from the corporate office oh oh hi yes why they didn't tell me you were coming well
• 5:07
  unfortunately i wish i was here under better terms oh oh no what's wrong uh i have a report
• 5:14
  here that says that you damaged something out yes yes is that i mean that's standard standard
• 5:24
  practice could be fraud that's why i'm here gotta make sure this whole store is on the up and up
• 5:29
  Oh, well, no, I mean, no, yeah, of course
• 5:33
  No, we keep, we're by the book here
• 5:35
  What do I need to show you to prove no fraud Well the easiest way is to take me right to your house I need to see everything you own Oh
• 5:47
  Okay, sure.
• 5:49
  Just the formality to make sure that you haven't stolen from this fine store.
• 5:53
  Okay.
• 5:54
  No, no, yeah, of course.
• 5:56
  No, come on.
• 5:58
  Okay.
• 5:59
  Luckily, my car's right here.
• 6:00
  Great.
• 6:01
  Guess we'll leave the store unattended then.
• 6:03
  No, the assistant manager's here.
• 6:04
  All right.
• 6:05
  I'm on my, I'm on my, I was about to take my lunch break.
• 6:07
  Sorry I'm on edge.
• 6:08
  No, no, I understand.
• 6:09
  A lot of Steven going on.
• 6:10
  Don't worry.
• 6:10
  We're going by the book here.
• 6:12
  Okay.
• 6:13
  Oh, you're in my car now.
• 6:15
  Yep, nice.
• 6:16
  Smells like black ice.
• 6:19
  Oh, sorry, I'll turn the radio down.
• 6:22
  Sorry.
• 6:22
  Was that a CD?
• 6:23
  Yeah, it was.
• 6:24
  Where'd you get that CD?
• 6:26
  Well, I got it at Sam Goody.
• 6:28
  You have a receipt?
• 6:29
  No, I mean, Sam Goody doesn't even exist anymore.
• 6:32
  Oh, that's convenient.
• 6:33
  Very convenient.
• 6:35
  It's not my fault.
• 6:36
  It's actually very inconvenient.
• 6:38
  I liked them.
• 6:39
  Where can one get CDs anymore?
• 6:42
  I haven't listened to new music in like 14 years.
• 6:46
  I choose to believe you.
• 6:47
  Hold on.
• 6:47
  I have to do my voice recorder.
• 6:49
  Note to self, check on status of Sam Goody.
• 6:54
  Is this your house?
• 6:56
  Yes.
• 6:56
  Yes, it is.
• 6:57
  Luckily, I live like one minute from the store.
• 6:59
  You got a receipt for this house?
• 7:02
  Yes, it's my mortgage.
• 7:04
  Very good, very good
• 7:06
  You can't be too careful
• 7:07
  People just take whatever they want these days
• 7:10
  I appreciate your diligence
• 7:11
  Which corporate office are you from again?
• 7:15
  The main one
• 7:16
  Okay
• 7:16
  Alright
• 7:19
  Come on in
• 7:21
  Okay, very good
• 7:23
  Sorry, mind mittens
• 7:25
  He's asleep
• 7:26
  On the rug
• 7:28
  What, honey, who's this?
• 7:31
  Oh, don't worry
• 7:32
  It's just corporate
• 7:33
  Someone from corporate
• 7:35
  Which office?
• 7:37
  The main one
• 7:37
  You must be the spouse?
• 7:41
  Yes
• 7:41
  Interesting, interesting
• 7:43
  Do you have any paperwork that ties you to this person?
• 7:48
  No, I mean
• 7:49
  We just did kind of a
• 7:50
  Commitment ceremony
• 7:52
  Nothing formal, nothing legal
• 7:55
  Okay, please forgive the question I'm about to ask you
• 7:57
  Have you now or have you ever been
• 7:59
  The property of a store?
• 8:03
  Well
• 8:03
  I don't like to talk about that.
• 8:05
  That was before I met my Johnny.
• 8:07
  Look, it was my 20s were a wild time, okay?
• 8:10
  What can I say?
• 8:13
  Just going to make a few notes here.
• 8:15
  Wait, this is the first I'm hearing of this.
• 8:17
  Honey, I...
• 8:19
  What store were you the property of?
• 8:23
  Do you remember that old store where you used to be able to buy those CDs?
• 8:28
  Sam Goody?
• 8:29
  Yeah Do I I used to be available for purchase at Sam goodie you were i would just stand in the window all day holding a sign that said one million dollars i thought that was like a promo
• 8:44
  i saw that sign i mean it was i thought you were fake well i it actually it was a legitimate
• 8:52
  business offer. It's just no one ever
• 8:53
  bought me. So here
• 8:56
  I am with you.
• 8:58
  Wait.
• 9:00
  This, I feel like our whole marriage
• 9:02
  is a lie. No.
• 9:04
  No, I feel like it is.
• 9:06
  You belonged to some
• 9:08
  thing else
• 9:09
  before me? Well, they never
• 9:12
  had a receipt for me.
• 9:15
  Where did
• 9:15
  they get you from?
• 9:19
  Well,
• 9:19
  do you ever that other really old story you used to be able to listen to cds in a little
• 9:26
  cafe area while you browse for books borders borders yes i sort of bounced around i was at
• 9:36
  blockbuster before that i i'm so sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry a person from corporate i'm sorry i
• 9:41
  never got your name i don't have one and i just noticed that uh everything's on the up and up here
• 9:46
  so I'm going to go ahead and take off.
• 9:48
  No, no, no.
• 9:48
  You can't.
• 9:49
  You were here.
• 9:50
  I need someone else to process this with.
• 9:52
  I've got to go make wild accusations
• 9:54
  to someone else.
• 9:55
  No, stop.
• 9:57
  And I'm taking mittens.
• 9:58
  Fine, you can have mittens.
• 9:59
  I don't give a fuck about the cat.
• 10:01
  What?
• 10:02
  Shut up.
• 10:04
  Shut up.
• 10:05
  Maisie, shut up.
• 10:08
  Okay?
• 10:08
  Okay.
• 10:11
  Guy from corporate.
• 10:14
  Which office?
• 10:15
  Oh, I'm on guard.
• 10:16
  What do I do?
• 10:17
  You brought this to our house.
• 10:19
  I thought you were thieving.
• 10:21
  Well, apparently I'm not thieving.
• 10:25
  He's leaving.
• 10:26
  My wife is a whore.
• 10:28
  It's been belonged to.
• 10:29
  Hey.
• 10:31
  Ho.
• 10:31
  Sam Goody, then Borders.
• 10:32
  Where did Borders get you from, Maisie?
• 10:34
  I told you, Blockbuster.
• 10:37
  Blockbuster?
• 10:38
  That's our store.
• 10:39
  You did steal from the store.
• 10:41
  No.
• 10:42
  Yes.
• 10:43
  No.
• 10:43
  I brought these handcuffs.
• 10:44
  No.
• 10:45
  That's it.
• 10:45
  You're going away.
• 10:47
  Wait, but babe, that means that we were really together alone.
• 10:50
  Oh no, our love's come full circle, but now I'm in handcuffs.
• 10:53
  At the expense of your freedom.
• 10:55
  Say you have two minutes to say goodbye to your wife.
• 10:59
  I'm going to start the car.
• 11:01
  Wait, where are you getting?
• 11:02
  No, don't go.
• 11:03
  I drove us here.
• 11:04
  I took the keys out of your pocket.
• 11:06
  That good.
• 11:08
  Now who's thieving?
• 11:12
  Chuck Hughes.
• 11:15
  See you.