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Andy Stanley - Guardrails, Part 2 Proximity · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Have you ever met someone that later you wish you'd
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: never met? Nervous laughter. Yes, and no elbows and don't
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: lean over and look, okay? Have you ever met someone
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: that you wish you'd never met? Or maybe that's too personal.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: How about this? Has your wife or your husband ever
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: met someone you wish they had never met? That maybe
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: they wish they'd never met or maybe they're a little
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: bit too happy that they met. I mean, you know
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. Or maybe have your kids ever
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: met that people that you wish they had never met?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: And all of us have a story, and the answer
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: is yes. And this is such a strange dynamic, but
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it for a few minutes. It's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: folks we've met, isn't this true? It's folks we've met
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: that are connected to our greatest regret. I don't know
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: what your greatest regret is, but I bet you weren't alone, right?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know what your greatest regrets are, but chances
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: are you weren't alone. Or if you were alone, it
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: was still connected to a relationship. And this is such
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: a strange thing because our greatest regrets involve people oftentimes.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: And the people they involve, they're not our enemies. They're
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: not people that we're hostile with. I mean, we're on
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: our guard around people that, you know, they have hostility
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: toward us. But they're usually with our friends. Our greatest
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: regrets are usually connected with people we've met and we
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: considered those people friends. Friends. That's something to think about.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Today we're in part two of our series, Guardrails. And
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: in just a minute, I'll tell you why we named
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the series Guardrails in case you weren't here last week.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: And if you weren't here last week at the very
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: end of today's message, I'm gonna tell you how you
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: can see last week's message and this week's message again
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: if you want to. For some of you, you're gonna
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: want your kids to watch today's message, but I want
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you to not, I hope that you won't listen today
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: through the filter of, oh, I wish my cousin was here.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I wish my daughter was here. I'm glad my husband's here.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I hope that you'll listen today through the filter of
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that you need to do with what
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: you hear. And if you're a Christian, that you'll listen
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: through the filter of maybe what God wants you to do. Now,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: everybody knows what a guardrail is on the highway, but
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: a quick review. A guardrail is a system, it's a system,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: a system, a system designed to keep vehicles from straying
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: into dangerous or off-limit areas. And we said last week
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: that guardrails do at least two things. They direct us
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: and they protect us. They direct... and they protect. And
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: the other thing about a guardrail, and this becomes important
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: as we talk about how this applies to our lives,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: is that guardrails are never placed in the danger zone.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Guardrails are never placed in the danger zone. Guardrails are
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: actually placed in the safety zone. And no one argues
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: with this. No one argues that, no, they need to
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: give us those extra three feet to drive in. Nobody
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: argues with this idea. Nobody would argue that we need
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: to put the guardrail in the danger zone or even
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: on the line. When it comes to driving, we understand
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: the idea of a margin for error. The other thing
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: about a guardrail is that they are designed to minimize
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: damage to your vehicle. If you hit a guardrail, you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: will have to go to a repair shop, but you
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: may not have to go to the hospital. If you
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: hit a guard, if there weren't guardrails where there are guardrails,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: chances are what would happen to you and to your
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: vehicle would be much worse. The damage done by hitting
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: a guardrail is much less than the damage done to
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you and your vehicle if there was no guardrail. But
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the reason that we named this entire series guardrails is
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: because the highway is not the only place we need guardrails.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: We need some financial guardrails. We need some relational guardrails.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: You may need some professional guardrails. And the truth is,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: your greatest regret, your greatest regret, your greatest regret may
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: have been avoided if you had had some financial guardrails,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: some moral guardrails, some relational guardrails, and again, maybe even
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: some professional guardrails. guardrails. Now, the pushback on all of
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: this throughout our series together is that we live in
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: a world that doesn't value this idea. We live in
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: a world that essentially resists guardrails, that culture doesn't encourage guardrails.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: In fact, as we've discovered and as you will discover,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: oftentimes people in our culture are critical of us when
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: we establish guardrails because Personal guardrails are like personal rules.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: And number one, I don't like rules and you don't
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: like rules, so we don't like establishing rules for ourselves.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: But oftentimes when we establish rules for ourselves, it's a
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  Speaker 1: little bit threatening to the people around us. Culture doesn't
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: like guardrails. Culture is content with painted lines, just lines
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: on the side of the road. But the interesting thing
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: is this, and we've all experienced this or we've all
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: maybe participated in this, that even though culture doesn't celebrate guardrails,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: at the same time, culture will shame us and blame
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: us and mock us when we end up in a
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  Speaker 1: ditch financially, or we end up in a ditch in
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: our marriage, or we end up in a ditch with
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: one of our kids, or an important relationship professionally. They
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: don't want us to have, you know, culture doesn't celebrate guardrails,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: but at the same time, culture is quick to mock
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: us and shame us when we end up in a
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  Speaker 1: ditch in life. So this is an incredibly important topic.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit complex. It doesn't fall so much
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: in the category of right or wrong as we're gonna discover.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: And as we talked about last week, it really falls
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: more in the category of wisdom. And that makes it
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: a little tricky. And that makes it a little intangible.
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  Speaker 1: It makes it a little soft and perhaps even a
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  Speaker 1: little mushy. But it's extraordinarily, extraordinarily important. Today, specifically, I
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: want to talk about your friends and your associates and
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: what it means to establish guardrails in the realms of
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  Speaker 1: our friends and our associates. These are the people that
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  Speaker 1: you run with. These are the people that you play with.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: These are the people that you work with. It's the
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: folks that are a part of your life on an
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: ongoing basis. And the reason we need guardrails relationally and
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: the reason we need guardrails even with the people that
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: we consider our friends is what we've already said. It's
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the folks we've met that generally are part of our
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: greatest regret. Now the pushback today a little bit, just
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: to kind of jump ahead, is that as I'm talking,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: you may be tempted to think, gosh, you're being so judgmental,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: because we're talking about your friends, these are my friends,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: these are the people I work with, they've been in
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: my life a long time, and it sounds like you're
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: asking me to be judgmental, so I wanna talk about
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: that right up front, because this is a big, big deal.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: This is not about being judgmental. This talk today is
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: about exercising good judgment, and there's a big difference, and
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I wanna explain the difference real quick, and then we'll
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: jump into this content. Being judgmental is me forming an
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: opinion about you. Being judgmental is forming an opinion about
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: what you should do, what you should stop doing. Being
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: judgmental is setting myself up as a what? Starts with
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: a J. A judge, right. Being judgmental is about, I know,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I trick questions and nobody wants to answer out loud.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: That's the advantage of watching from a remote site, right?
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  Speaker 1: So if I'm judgmental, I've set myself up as a
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: judge and I'm judging your behavior. Judgmental is when I
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  Speaker 1: draw like a critical or maybe a harsh conclusion about you,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: expecting you to act or be different. But good judgment
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  Speaker 1: is different. Good judgment is about me. Good judgment is
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  Speaker 1: about drawing conclusions about my life. Good judgment is in
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  Speaker 1: light of my past experience, the things that are most
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  Speaker 1: tempting to me, where I've been in the past, what
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  Speaker 1: happened in that last relationship, that last marriage, the way
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  Speaker 1: I grew up, in light of my past experience, in
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: light of my current circumstances, I'm really mad, Current circumstances,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: just broke up. Current circumstances, just started this new job.
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  Speaker 1: In light of my current circumstances, in light of my
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: future hopes and dreams, what is the best thing or
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  Speaker 1: what is the wisest thing, not for everybody else to do,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not judging you. What you do is none of
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  Speaker 1: my business. What is the wise thing for me to do?
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  Speaker 1: Judgmental assumes something about the other person. This is all
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  Speaker 1: about you. This is how you should respond in light
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  Speaker 1: of your future hopes and dreams. and dreams. Now, years ago,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I coined this phrase and I've only probably used it
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: out loud two or three times. So it's sort of
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: an internal thing and I'm going to share it with you.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: And if you think this is harsh, then please don't
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: judge me. Okay. Let's just say that. Okay. But every
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: once in a while I find myself, you know, I
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: find myself drawn into or in relationship or doing business
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: with or a vendor or, you know, somebody that there's
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: just something, I don't know. And so the phrase I
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: came up with for me, and you can use this.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: And again, I don't generally say this out loud. I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: have a couple of times. My statement is this, I'm
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: not emotionally mature enough to do business with you. I'm
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: not emotionally mature enough to be your friend. Sandra and
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  Speaker 1: I don't feel like we're emotionally mature enough to be
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  Speaker 1: a part of that. We, in other words, I'm not
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: telling you how to live. I'm not telling you what
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  Speaker 1: to believe. I'm not telling you what you should, you know,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: where you should go. And I really have, I'm not
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: judging you. I'm just looking at me. I'm just looking
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: at us. And based on our past and where we
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: are and where we want to be, we're just not
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: ready for it. Now, a couple of times when, you know,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: there's been situations people have kind of pushed for a
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: relationship or push. And I have said, you know what?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Here's the deal. I'm not blaming you. I'm not being
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: critical of you. It's on me. I'm not emotionally mature
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  Speaker 1: enough to be involved in this anymore. So you can
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  Speaker 1: borrow that. The point is, this is not about judging
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  Speaker 1: other people. This is about making wise decisions in light
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: of the fact, come on, we've already acknowledged that your
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: greatest regret involved people you had met. And most of
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: us can think of at least one person, some of you,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: half a dozen, you wish you'd never met. Now, is
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  Speaker 1: that being judgmental? No, that's hindsight that says, I wish
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  Speaker 1: I had used better judgment. Now, if that doesn't help,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: let me tackle it from a, let me go at
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: it from a different angle. When you were a child,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: when you were growing up, when you were in middle
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: school or high school, your mom or dad or your
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: mom and dad or your uncle or your grandparents or
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: whoever had responsibility for you They were, if they were
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: good grandparents, aunts, uncles, or parents, they were paranoid regarding
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  Speaker 1: your friends. They were. They paid such good attention to
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  Speaker 1: your friends, right? In fact, there were times when they said,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: you can't go over there. You can't, she can't come
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: over here. You know, you can't, you can't date her.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You know, they, they would forbid you. Some of your,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: your moms read your journals. Girls, if you, ladies, if
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you had journals, you know, they would sneak in there,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: read your journal. You'd find out you'd be so angry,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: you know, and you'd, put tape on the bottom of
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: your door to see if anybody came in your room,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: you know? And then your mom took the door off.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I know that's kind of a thing. thing, take the
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: door off. We never did that. That's kind of odd,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: but hey, you know, sometimes you gotta do what you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: gotta do. Some of you. They were so extreme and
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: the situation was so extreme. Maybe they pulled you out
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: of that school and put you in a different school.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe they just packed up and moved, just left the community,
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: left the state. We're going to London. We got to
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: get you out of this environment. And when you were
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: on the receiving end of that, your response was like,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: most kids are just like, you're being so judgmental. You're
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: being so judgmental. You're judging my friends. Well, now many
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: of you are parents and you are paranoid-er, okay? Okay?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: And the reason you're paranoid-er is because you remember who?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: You remember you, right? You remember your friends, and you
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: look back. In fact, when I asked the question, have
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: you ever met somebody you wish you'd never met, some
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: of you went as far back as college. Some of
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you went as far back as high school. So what
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: your mama knew and what you know is that this
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: is a thing. I mean, there's a relationship between what
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: happens when, there's a thing that goes on in relationships
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: that can be super healthy or it can be super negative. Now,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: now that you're a parent, you have some big advantages
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: over your parents in most cases because you can stalk
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: your kid's friends and by the in fact it's true
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: come on you know this is true right by the
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: time you meet your kids friends you already know everything
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: about them you know where their dad works where their
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: mom works the fact that there's a divorce who their
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: sisters are you know where their parents went to college
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I mean you know all that stuff now is that
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: being judgmental no that's just being nosy no that's No,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it's because you care. It's because you care. It's not
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: that you're trying to tell other parents how to raise
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: their kids or tell other kids what to do. It's
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: because you care about the person that God has put
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: in your home, your son or your daughter. And when
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: you kind of come down on them hard, they say what,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: you know, we all said, you're so judgmental, you're so judgmental.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: And as a parent, you're saying, no, I'm just exercising
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: good judgment. I'm exercising good judgment. And the reason is
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: because you know, as I said, you know what your
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: mama knew. that our friends, that your kids' friends, that
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: our friends determine the direction and the quality of our lives.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: This is just true, that our friends determine the direction
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: and quality of our lives. Let me say it this way,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: that the thing that makes friendship marvelous is also the
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: thing that makes it so hazardous and so dangerous. The
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: thing about a great friendship or a great group of
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: associates is that you have stuff in common. It's easy,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: it's relaxing. But what happens when you're around people you
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: consider friends, and this is supposed to happen, is you
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: drop your guard. You let your guard down. And with
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: certain groups of people, that's safe. But with other groups
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: of people... That's dangerous, but that is the nature. That's
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: not a good or bad thing, that's just a thing thing.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: That's just the nature of relationships and the nature of friendships.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: So the thing that makes relationships so powerful is the
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: thing that makes them so hazardous. You may not know
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: this about yourself, but you are an acceptance magnet. This
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: is part of being human. You are drawn to environments
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: where you are accepted deeply. We all are. And if
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: those are good environments, great. If they're not, that's not great.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: But we're drawn there either way. We are drawn toward
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: places where we feel safe, where we feel accepted. And
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: you've seen this happen with other people. You maybe can
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: remember this from something in your past, but this is
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: a continuous ongoing dynamic, which means when it comes to relationships, friendships, associates,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: we need to be a little bit on our guard.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: We need guardrails. Now, If your experience doesn't prove this
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: to you or that's not enough evidence, my assistant, Diane Grant,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: sent me an article last week because she knew I
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: was talking about this. And it's an article written by
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: a neuroscientist, Morin Cerf, who is a professor at Northwestern University.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: And for years, for over 10 years, he has been
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: studying relationships and decision making and the relationship of decision
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: making on relationships. And here's what he has discovered, that
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: what we have observed about people influencing other people isn't
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: just behavioral, it's actually neurological. that something happens in your brain.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: In fact, in this study, he determined or they've discovered
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: that our brain waves, that the brain waves of people
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: when they spend time together actually begin to look identical.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: That the brain waves before the behavior, before the attitude change,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: there is something that happens on the inside in our
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: brains when we spend time with other people. Brain waves
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: begin to line up. Now, that's kind of scary. That
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: can encourage you or discourage you. Here's what he says,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: a couple of statements from the article. He says, the
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: more we study engagement, we see time and time again
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: that just being next to certain people actually aligns your
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: brain with them. So look to your left, look to
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: your right, okay? That while we sit here together, your
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: brain waves are being aligned with him. In fact, it
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: just happened. It did, let me tell you how it
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: just happened. Words came out of my mouth, I vibrated
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: the air in the room and your brain took those
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: vibrations and turned them into words and then you laughed
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: with people you've never met with before. It just happened.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Your brainwave, just me making you laugh together kind of
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: lines you up. That's kind of scary. He says, this
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: isn't just behavioral. This is neurological. He goes on and
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: he says this, and this is pretty powerful. If people
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: want to maximize happiness, that's me, and minimize stress, that's you,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Don't we all wanna maximize happiness and minimize stress? Look
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: at this conclusion he draws. They should build a life
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: that requires fewer decisions. How? By surrounding themselves with people
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: who embody the traits they prefer. That if you surround
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: yourself with people who embody, that is, live out the
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: traits you prefer, he says, without any effort, without any
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: decision on your part, your brain will begin to line
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: up with the people who are becoming the kind of
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: person that you ultimately want to be. Now think about that.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Last statement, he says this. He says, over time, they'll
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: naturally pick up on those desirable attitudes and behaviors. But
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: the flip side is true as well. Over time, you
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: can pick up on undesirable attitudes and behaviors. With no effort,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: just being in proximity, simply doing life with, being with
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: people who are moving in a particular direction, something happens
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: in your brain and in my brain. Now, is that good? Judgmental? No,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: that's just true. This isn't about judgmental. This is about
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: exercising good judgment. If this happens automatically, what should you do?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: If this happens automatically, how do I harness that? How
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: should I respond? This isn't about being judgmental. Come on,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: look over here. This is about your future. Your future
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: will be impacted by the people you spend time with.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Your future will be impacted by the people you are
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: in community with. Your future will be impacted by the
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: people that you do life with. Now, interestingly enough, 3,000
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: years ago, before we were able to look at the brain,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: King Solomon, Israel's third king, you know, there was Saul,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: then David, and then his son Solomon became king, considered
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: one of the wisest men who've ever lived. Some people
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: say the wisest man who will ever live. 3,000 years ago.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: He makes a statement that punctuates what we have finally discovered. 3,000
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: years ago, here's what Solomon wrote. He said, walk with
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: the wise and you automatically, with no effort, no intentionality,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you don't have to write anything down, you don't have
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: to remember anything, you don't have to study for a test.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Walk with the wise and you will, over time, become wise.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: It's just gonna happen automatically. Now, what is wisdom? We've
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: talked about this. Wisdom is somebody who understands that life
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: is connected, that the dots connect, that my past connects
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: to my present, which is gonna be some sort of
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: predictor of my future. That's what wisdom is. And he says,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: if you spend time with wise people, over time, you
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: will become wise. That wisdom is contagious. Imagine that. It
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: just rubs off. Do life with the wise, and you
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: will be wise. And then there's a second part of this. For,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: or the way I memorized this a long, long time ago,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: the word was but, because it's a contrast. He says, but,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: or for, a companion of fools ultimately suffers harm. Now,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: We don't use the word fool because, you know, you
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: don't want to call someone a fool, but in the
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Jewish Bible and the Jewish scriptures, a fool was a
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: person who did not live carefully. A fool was somebody
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: who did not understand about how the past connects to
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: the present that's a predictor of the future. A fool
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: is somebody that just lives for the day. A fool
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: is for somebody, is the person that's like, well, tomorrow
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: is tomorrow, and when I get to tomorrow, I'll deal
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: with tomorrow. A fool is someone who, as Paul said
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: last week when we started the series, is not careful.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Remember the apostle Paul says, walk carefully or live carefully
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: or be careful where you step, essentially he said. A
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: fool is someone who's just not careful. But the interesting
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: thing about what Solomon said is what he doesn't say.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Let me read it to you again. Walk with the
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: wise and you become wise. Okay, if I hang out
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: with wise people, I become wise. You would expect him
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: to say, hang out with fools and you'll become a fool,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: but he doesn't say that. What Solomon says is that
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: it's worse than that. Because if you spend time with,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: surround yourself with, do life with fools, over time, you're
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: not simply gonna become a fool, you're going to suffer harm.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: That is, when their life goes bad, it's a proximity thing.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: The closer you are to them... the greater the odds
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: that something bad happens to you. As they go, you go.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: To which we say, yeah, but I don't do what
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: they do. To which more in surf, the neuroscientists would say, yeah,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: but stick around them long enough and you probably will
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: because your brain waves are gonna line up. So Solomon
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: says it's worse than becoming a fool. You're actually going
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: to catch the shrapnel from their bad decisions. Again, every parent,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: you get this because you don't want your kids with
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: certain kids, not because they're necessarily going to do what
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: certain kids do, but because you're afraid when the certain
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: kids do that, your kids will be harmed by their decisions.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: We get this. That's Friends, this is what Solomon's saying.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Friends who aren't careful with their lives won't be careful
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: with your life, right? Friends who aren't careful with their health,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: they're not gonna be concerned about your health. Friends who
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: aren't careful with their marriages, they're not gonna be careful
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: and try to guard your marriage. Friends who aren't careful
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: with their finances, They're not gonna try to guard and
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: be careful with your finances. Friends who aren't all that
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: concerned about their reputation, they're not gonna be all that
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: concerned about your reputation. Friends who don't have any kind
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: of faith or don't have any concerns about faith aren't
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: gonna be very concerned about your faith. And friends who
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: don't seem to care about the future, the last thing
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: they're gonna worry about is your future. This is good judgment.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: This is a big deal. And this isn't about middle
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: school and high school. This is about all of us.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Friends who don't take care of themselves won't take care
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: of yourself. Friends who lie and cheat, you know this.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Friends who lie and cheat, they feel better when you what?
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Lie and cheat. So again, friendship can be awesome, but
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: friendship can be treacherous. Friendship requires some practice. Now, just
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: a reminder, the point of a guardrail isn't to keep
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: you from just doing bad things. The point of a
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: guardrail is to light up your conscience so that you
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: know you're getting close to doing bad things. So the
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: way I said it here, the point of a guardrail
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: is to light up your conscience before we veer into
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: the danger zone. Remember, a guardrail isn't in the danger zone,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: And a guardrail isn't right on the line. The guardrail
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: is inside the safety zone. And again, this is why
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: we resist. But for the next few minutes, as we
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: close out this episode of this series, I wanna make
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: five suggestions as it relates to guardrails, as it relates
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: to your friendships and your associates. Now, I know this.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: In some cases, you don't have total control over who
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you spend a lot of time with. I get that.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about that. in just a minute. But
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I want to encourage you, if I could get on
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: my knees and plead with you and I thought it
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: would do good, I want to encourage you to consider these.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: And again, I don't want you to listen to what
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I'm about to say through the filter of your kids
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: or your grandkids. I mean, it's going to be hard
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: not to do that. Or some friends that you have
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: that you wish were here, you wish were watching. I
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: just want this to settle in over us as we
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: consider our future. Because your friends and your associates impact
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: the direction of your life. So here's five suggestions. Again,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: these aren't rules. You don't need to write these down.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: You may want to go back and listen to this
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: or look at these later. But five suggestions just to
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: get you thinking about guardrails as it relates to folks
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: you've met so that they won't become the next regret.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Here's the first one. When it dawns on you that
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: your core group isn't moving in the direction you want
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: your life to be moving, that should light up your conscience.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: When it dawns on you, you know what, we love
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: the same music, we love the same food, we love
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: the same artists, you know, we have so much in common,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: but when I look at the direction this group is
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: moving in, it's not really the direction I want my
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: life to move in, that's a warning, that's a guardrail,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: that's not a good or a bad thing, that's a
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: wisdom thing and you gotta pay attention to that because
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: relationships are not static. relationships are either growing or decaying.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: They're getting better or they're getting worse. And when you're
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: surrounded by a group of people that you have a
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: lot in common with, of course you drop your guard.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: That's what we do around friends. But when it dawns
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: on you, you know what? They're just not moving in
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: the direction I want my life to move in. That
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: should tip you off that perhaps I need to rethink
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: this group of friends or this group of associates. Where
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: people are heading is a good indicator of where they're leading.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: And none of us think about our group of friends
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: as leading us anywhere. But here's what you know in hindsight.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Your friends ultimately lead you. Just like you are ultimately
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: leading other people through a group of friends. This is
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: just the nature of relationships. So when it dawns on you,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: your core group isn't moving in the direction you want
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: your life to be moving, that should light up your conscience.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Here's a second one. When you catch yourself pretending to
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: be someone other than who you really are, That should
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: light up your conscience. When you catch, in other words,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: when you catch yourself nodding and you're thinking, I don't
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: believe this, but my head's doing this. What's going on?
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Or you find yourself going like this and you're thinking, no,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I actually agree, but everybody else's head's doing this. I
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: think neurologically, I think all of a sudden our brains
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: are all connected. We're all doing this and I should
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: be doing, what's going on? When you feel the pressure
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: to pretend to be somebody other than who you truly are,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: that's a red flag. That should light up your conscience.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: That should make you rethink or reconsider the nature of
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: this relationship. Because as you know, your views and values
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: hopefully are being shaped around things that are gonna serve
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: you well in the future. But when you find yourself
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: agreeing on the outside with things you disagree on the inside, hey,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: that's a red flag. Again, that should light up Your conscience.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Don't settle for friends who force you to pretend to
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: be somebody you're not. Here's why. Because you are lying
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: to them, which means you're not a good friend. And
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: if you lie to yourself long enough, you will become
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: someone other than yourself. This happens all the time. And
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: pretending is lying and pretending is never healthy. So if you're, again,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: surrounded with friends and you find yourself pretending to be
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: somebody other than you're not, you just need to pay
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: attention to that. Do you need to do something immediately?
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But you need to pay attention to that.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Third one is this. When you feel pressure... To compromise.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Not once you've compromised. That's, you know, we've gone past
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: the guardrail into the ditch, right? Not when you've actually compromised,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: but let me put it this way. When something that
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: before wasn't a real temptation, but suddenly it's become a
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: live option, that should light up your conscience. When something
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: that's never been a real temptation before becomes a live option,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: you've always just said, no, thank you. No, I'm gonna go.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I'll go on home now. You guys go, or you ladies,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: you go. And you find yourself driving home thinking, you
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: know what, I think I'll go. All right, no, no,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't. When what has never been a temptation, never
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: been an issue, never been a problem before, when it
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: becomes on the inside, when it becomes right here, a
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: live option, a real consideration, maybe I should, maybe I
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: should rethink that. There's probably nothing wrong with that. You know,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: they're always inviting me. That should just light up your conscious. Now,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: what should you do with it? I don't know, that's
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: up to you. But it should bother you. It should
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: bother you. It should bother you. Again, not when you've
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: crossed that line. When suddenly you find yourself imagining what
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: it would be like if you had. The next one,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: number four, is this. When you catch yourself thinking, I'll go,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: but I won't participate. Now, let me, yeah, you laugh.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I'll just go, but I won't participate. Let me just
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: ask you a question because it'll bring instant clarity to this.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Would you buy this from your 14-year-old daughter? No, it's
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: 12 guys, but me and my girlfriend are gonna go. Dad,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: they're gonna be doing bad things, but I'm not gonna participate. Well, honey,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: you just go right ahead. That'll be fine. No, you
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: give your daughter two options. Either you stay home or
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I go with you. You choose, okay? You have two options.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying no. I'm just saying there's gonna be
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: three guys there. You're looking at the third one, right?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: So we wouldn't buy this from our kids or our
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: younger brother or sister or our nieces and our nephews
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: or our granddaughters or grandsons. Why would we buy it
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: from ourselves? When you start that conversation, I'm not saying
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't go. I'm just saying when this conversation starts
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: in my head or your head, it should bother us.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: It should ding our conscience. We just bumped up against
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: a guardrail. Very little damage done, but pay attention to
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: the conversation you're having in your heart. When you catch
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: yourself thinking, I'll go, but I won't participate. The last
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: one is this, is when you hope, when you hope
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: the people you care about don't know you're Whereabouts. When
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: you hope the people you care about don't know your whereabouts.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: And even once you get to where about you're going,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: even if you do nothing wrong, even if you don't
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: break any laws, even if you're not in any way
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: unfaithful or do anything to embarrass yourself or your family,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: the fact that in your heart and in your mind,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: you have begun, don't miss this, you have begun, this
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: is the nucleus of a lie. You haven't lied yet.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: But if you think you would be tempted to lie
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: so they don't know where you are or who you
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: are with, that should bother, bother, bother, bother, bother you.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Not because you've done anything wrong, but because you have
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: established a guardrail. If you wouldn't wanna have to tell them,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: if you hope they never find out, that should bother you.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Come on, come on, we're adults. That should be enough.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: That should tip you off. Okay, if I don't want
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the people that I care about to know where I am,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: to know my whereabouts, then I have no business going. Now, again,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: in culture, it's like, oh, come on. You know, it's
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: just this, it's just that. They won't know, and if
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: they find out, just tell them. I mean, really, you
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: feel like you gotta tell her, you gotta tell them?
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: And you're like, well, I... No, on the inside, yeah,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: but on the inside, no, you're right. Oh, who am I?
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: There we go. Now, I get this. If this sounds
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: kind of over the top and narrow and so judgmental,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: or maybe, oh, this is good for kids, but not
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: for me. I get that. But here's why I'm adamant.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Here's why I'm sure. Here's why, again, if I could
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: get on my knees and beg you to do this
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: and you do it, here's why I feel so strong
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: about this. Partly because of what I do and the
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: stories I hear. Partly because of the world we live in.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Partly because I know myself. And partly because tomorrow morning,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: hundreds of people in this community, thousands of people in
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: our city, maybe tens of thousands of people in our
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: state and hundreds of thousands of people all over our
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: country are gonna wake up tomorrow morning, stumble in the bathroom,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: look in the mirror and wonder. They're gonna wake up
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: and look at who they woke up with and they wonder.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: They're gonna see in the mirror a person that they
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: didn't think they would ever see in the mirror and
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: they're gonna wonder and they're gonna wonder. how did this happen?
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: How did this happen to me? How did I get here?
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Whose life is this? And the answer to all of
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: their questions is the same answer. Our friends still determine
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: the direction and the quality of our lives. It's why
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: you need guardrails. It's why I need guardrails. It's why
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: we need some internal rules that light up our conscience,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: not when we get into the danger zone, but long
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: before we get there. Now, Jesus. said something so significant,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: but we missed this. This is one of those little
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: subtle Jesus sayings. It's not a popular one, it's not
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: a famous one, but it should be. When Jesus was
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: on the earth and when Jesus taught, there was a
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: group of people that always had a counterpoint for every
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: one of his points. No matter what Jesus said, they
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: had an argument against it. And so one day, Jesus
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: throws up his hands. I don't know if he threw
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: up his hands or he smirked or he laughed or
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: he smiled. I don't know what his body language was.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: But finally, one day, he had just sort of gotten
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: to the end of all this. And he makes this
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: statement that's so powerful, but it sort of flies under
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: the radar because of the context in which he said it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: And again, because we don't talk about it very much.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Here's his response to the people that just were not
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: going to let him win the argument. No matter what
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: he says, they were not gonna let him win. So
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: finally one day he says this. Wisdom, I love this.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Wisdom is proved right by all her children. In other words,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: time will tell. Wisdom always has the last at bat.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Wisdom always has the last word. But because wisdom is
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: not an absolute, there is always a counterargument to be made.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: In other words, these five suggestions I've given you, I
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: guarantee you, you are smart enough to go home or
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: get in the car with your friends or your family
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: or to sit down with me and give me a
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: counterpoint for all of those things, why that's the most
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: ridiculous thing in the world, why that's silly, Andy, you
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: shouldn't tell people like that, you shouldn't plant those kinds
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: of seeds. You're so judgmental. You're making everybody be afraid.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, and you could win the argument because wisdom
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: is not an absolute. Wisdom plays in the gray space.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Wisdom plays just inside the borderline, oftentimes from relational, financial,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: and personal disaster. Put it this way. Wisdom will allow
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: you to win the argument, but ultimately you'll lose in life.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: That was Jesus' point, that wisdom is proved right, not
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: in the courtroom, not in the debate. Wisdom is proved
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: right by the outcome. And establishing personal guardrails as it
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: relates to friends and associates, establishing personal guardrails, it's not
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: a lack of concern for other people. It's not a
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: lack of love for other people. This isn't even about
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: other people. It's about your future hopes and dreams, your
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: future marriage, your future relationship with your kids, your future finances.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: It's about being in a position to help those friends
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: that you may have had to distance yourself from once
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: they begin to reap what they have sown. It's not
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: a lack of love. In fact, it's an expression of love.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: Because by remaining in the safe zone, you are better
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: positioned to help other people and to help some of
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: those very same friends once they cross those lines and
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: life begins to come back and life comes back and
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: begins to haunt them when the results of their decisions
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: begin to come back and show themselves in their lives,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: their relationships, their finances. and their families. Wisdom, Jesus was right.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Wisdom is proved right by all her children. Walk with
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: the wise and become wise. As Paul said, be careful
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: the most of the day for the days are evil.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: So I wanna encourage you, think about what we've talked about,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: to establish some personal guardrails as it relates to friends
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  Speaker 1: and family members. One of the reasons that we're so
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: adamant about community groups and small groups is you have
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: no control over most of the time who you work with.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I realize that many of you spend your most productive
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: hours with people who don't necessarily share your values, but
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: because you spend so much time with that group, over
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: time they become your group. And when you get in
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: a small group, it's an opportunity to create, in some ways,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: a counter group, a group that is moving in the
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: direction your life is moving in, and we don't want
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: you to miss that opportunity. So here's the bottom line today.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Establish some guardrails. You'll be glad you did or you'll
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: wish you had. And unfortunately, I know, some of you
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: already wish you had. And we'll pick the discussion up
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: right there next week.