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How Does a Narcissist deal with REGRET? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists handle
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  regret. Do narcissists even feel regret?
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  Lee, what are you talking about? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, what's going on folks? Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back. Y'all think about changing the
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  intro, the theme music, whatever.
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  They actually change that. Keep it or drop it.
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  Just leave it in the comment section.
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  I'm just curious. Either way, I respect your
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  opinion either way. Keep it or drop it or whatnot.
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  I'm just trying to see what people think about, you know,
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  the people who follow me and people interact and whatnot.
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  What do you think about the intro?
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  But yeah, y'all. So first of all, let me tell
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  you, let me go ahead and get this the other way.
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  Are there some narcissists that absolutely have no regret for
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  anything that they have done? Yeah.
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  Those narcissistic people are probably more sociopathic and
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  psychopathic. So yeah, they're those they
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  yeah, they exist. I'm not going to try to pretend
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  like they don't, right? But for the narcissistic people
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  out there that do, like myself, we do experience regret, y'all.
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  We just handle it a little differently, I would say,
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  because like, let's say this narcissists, most of us have
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  huge egos. Even if we don't act on them,
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  Like even if we don't act like our ego is huge, even if we are
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  like the covert narcissist, right?
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  Even if we are like covert narcissistic people, like think
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  about it like that in from that direction.
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  Like even if we don't act on it, it doesn't mean that we don't
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  have it. Like the ego is so big, but we
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  just don't act on it. Like the ego, even if you regret
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  what you've done, the narcissist ego won't let you apologize.
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  It won't let you take accountability to anybody else.
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  And it's damn near our minds fight to keep us from taking
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  accountability to ourselves. Our minds don't want like, yeah,
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  we don't want to feel it. Let me, let me let me describe
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  what shame feels like to me. I know a lot of people, most
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  people in the world have shame, right?
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  They experience shame. But for me, shame is a literal
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  monster, or it used to be. I, I've, I've worked on it, but
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  this is how shame used to feel. Shame used to feel like a
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  literal monster, like it haunted me.
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  It was it, it stabbed me. It's, it's extremely painful to
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  deal with, right? Shame.
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  It's an extremely painful thing to deal with for narcissistic
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  people. That's why we try to avoid it.
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  That's why we do that, y'all? That's why narcissistic people
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  talk to people, try to avoid shame at all costs, because it's
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  painful. It hurts us so much.
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  And accountability leads to shame.
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  So what we want to do in our minds is cut off all pathways to
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  shame, to filling that shame. The accountability pathway is
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  shame insane. Down that down that pathway of
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  accountability. Guess what?
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  Guess guess. Guess what else is down that
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  same path? Shame.
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  You hear me? Accountability like shame,
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  apologizing, they regret all all down the same pathway that lead
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  to shame. I'm just telling y'all there's a
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  narcissism. People want to escape shame.
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  We don't. We don't want to feel shame.
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  So the way we handle it, the way most narcissists, including
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  myself, would handle experiencing or experiencing or
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  feeling regret, is to try our damnedest.
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  Not to feel it is to try to avoid it.
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  You know we would. We would try to avoid it at all
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  costs because shame hurts. It makes us feel like bad
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  people. And we don't want to be like we
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  don't want to be bad people or we don't want to be.
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  We don't want the assumption that we're bad people, right?
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  We don't want that assumption tied towards like we were a bad
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  person. Well, Lee, if you don't want to
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  be looked at as a bad person, then stop doing bad things.
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  Yeah, yeah, you get it, right? That's easier said than done for
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  narcissistic people, especially the ones who lack, who lack any
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  type of impulse control or something like that.
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  Is way easier said than done for most narcissists.
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  So I'll tell you this right here.
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  We don't want to feel it. So if we don't want to feel it,
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  what do we do with it? We push it away.
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  We push you away. We don't want to feel you.
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  We don't want to deal with you. So we push you away.
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  We keep pushing and keep pushing and keep pushing until you
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  disappear until you're gone until things have vanished in
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  the situation until like we don't want to feel that regret
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  no matter what is going on like regret, remorse, guilt, all that
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  stuff. We do not want to experience it
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  because it makes us feel like bad people.
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  It makes it it hurts us. It damn near destroys us.
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  You want to destroy a narcissist make to shame them as much as
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  possible beat them down with shame.
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  That's so let's do I might I might do a longer video on it
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  right there. That's the best way to destroy a
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  narcissist right there is to beat them down with shame.
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  I'm writing this down. Y'all got to write that down
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  because that'd be a good video. Destroy a narcissist with shame.
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  Y'all see that? Y'all see that come up y'all,
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  Y'all see that video coming up pretty soon.
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  Y'all be like, I was watching the other video we came up
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  there. Ideally, yeah yeah, yeah.
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  TMNT 2 secret, the news and whatnot.
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  But like this is the space. We don't want to feel it.
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  So even if we feel bad for something, we blame you for it.
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  The quickest way to get rid of shame, the quickest way to not
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  feel that regret and have to sit with it and be in pain is to
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  blame the other person for it. It really is like a yeah, it
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  really is pretty much like a mantra.
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  You know, we're blaming you for all of this stuff, for what's
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  going on, for filling this type of way for, you know, for the
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  experiences that you're having right now.
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  We are, we are blaming you for them.
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  We're putting it on to you. So it's a very tough dynamic.
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  It's a very tough situation to experience, a tough situation to
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  feel while you're dealing with an abuser, while you're dealing
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  with an abusive person. It just is, y'all.
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  So that's why I tell people so many times, like people want to
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  know, do they ever regret what they've done?
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  Some of them do y'all, but you might not ever know it because
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  they won't say it. The ego gets in the way because
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  the ego leads to the shame leads to the regret.
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  All the other stuff. You might never know it.
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  Like even if they regret treating you badly to the point
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  where you leaving, let's say you're let's say you're on the
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  way out the door, right? They didn't like you told you
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  said the boundary. Say if you cussed me again, you
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  called me to see where it again I'm out of here and they just
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  blurted out and said it right when we get out of here.
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  Then you see word and you're like you had to do a crying,
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  wanting them to ask you to stay, wanting them to apologize.
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  And the narcissist is the person that's staring at you coldly
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  like this. It's like their eyes are empty.
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  They're breathing slowly. They're just staring at you
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  while you're crying. You know, boohoo, crying and you
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  want all you wanted to do is hear.
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  All you want them to do right now is reassure you in this
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  moment. All you want them to do in this
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  moment is make them make you feel better, right?
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  To apologize, to say something, to let you know that they feel
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  bad, but the ego won't let them do it.
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  There's something behind in my mind.
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  There's something beating on the door of my mind saying just
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  apologize, you idiot, just say sorry.
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  Just just apologize, you idiot. But that their voice is stifled.
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  Their voice is silenced out by the powerful ego.
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  The ego is silencing that voice out.
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  It's like, you know, you've seen those movies where somebody is
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  screaming in the glass room. They're like, you know, Ace
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  Ventura. He's like, excuse me?
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  Like, what are you trying to prove, Ventura?
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  Only this. There's this double, double pane
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  soundproof glass. There's no way that neighbor
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  heard protect the scream on the way down.
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  The scream she heard came from came from inside the apartment,
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  and the murderer closed the door before he left.
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  Yeah, it's set. Like, you see that right there?
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  It's soundproof. Like they can't hear it.
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  They're in a box like nobody. The, the, the mind can't hear it
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  because the ego has boxed up of regret.
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  The ego has boxed up all of that and you can't hear it.
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  You're screaming from the screaming from the rooftops,
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  yelling and screaming, begging, pleading, doing all of this
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  stuff. And it just, it falls on deaf
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  ears. It really does.
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  And it sucks, y'all, It really does fall on deaf ears.
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  It's it's destructive. It sucks so damn bad to have to
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  experience this, to have to deal with this, you know, but they
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  just let you live out the door, even if they want to say
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  something to you, even if they want to apologize, even if they
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  want to say goodbye to you. The ego silence is it silence is
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  it and just let you walk away, let you walk out the door and
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  their their pride and ego just never let let never allows a
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  narcissist to be fully happy to be fully content in life.
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  It's just crazy how it works. It really does.
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  It really is crazy and the crazy thing about it is this the
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  crazier thing about it is that regret from you leaving might
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  hit them later on. Y'all know how many regrets that
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  hit me when I'm riding down the street I'm riding, I'm just
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  cruising down the road. I'm just I'm just cruising right
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  Y'all? How many time, how many time
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  regret then just damn near hit me while I'm driving in the car
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  woke me up. Regret smack across the back of
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  your head like you shouldn't have did that.
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  I'm like, damn, I feel bad, but my mind is always trying to find
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  a way to blame the other person. But what I've done in my mind,
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  if I learn, if I is, I learn how to sit with it.
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  I can sit with the regret regret, y'all.
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  I can sit with the pain. I can sit with it.
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  I absolutely can sit with it because I'm like I say, even
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  though it hurts, even though it sucks, even though I'm in pain,
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  I can absolutely sit with what I'm experiencing, sit with what
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  I'm going through. I can sit with it and it sucks.
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  It absolutely does suck. But this is how many, this is
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  how you deal with it. This is how many people are
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  dealing with this. This is how many people are
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  battling this situation right here.
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  Y'all, it sucks. But like, this is what
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  narcissists do. They make you sit with it.
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  They hurt, they sucks, they hurt you.
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  They, they, they try to destroy you and whatnot.
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  They take you through the ringer because this is what abuse
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  narcissist do. Rather than apologize and it's
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  feel they regret and sit with it.
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  They put it on to you because it's easier and they regret
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  comes up later on. Like say it just it's crazy how
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  it works. Yeah, I wish.
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  I wish I could just wish. I wish I could just like have a
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  tour tour, be a tour guide. This is pretty much my channel,
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  Liz anyway. I wish I could just be a real
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  life tour guide. We can like shrink down like I
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  can freeze myself and then we can shrink.
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  We can shrink down like we on the magic school bus.
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  And I'm like the black Mr. Mr. Frizzle, Right.
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  You never met Miss. You met Miss Frizzle.
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  That's my wife. You mean a Mr. Frizzle?
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  We go to the Magic School bus. The narcissism ought to be a
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  good skit with it. Magic School Bus.
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  The narcissist. Come on, The Magic school bus
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  like that right there is a gaslight that sit there right
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  there. Oh, that'd be a good skit right
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  there with it. If y'all old enough for the
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  magic school Bus, I don't even know if they're still around.
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  If it is, I got to put my kids on it.
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  I put my kids on it. They would love the magic School
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  bus. But this is the way the mind
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  works, y'all. This is the way the narcissistic
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  person battles regret. They don't want to deal with it.
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  They feel it. They might feel it.
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  They might experience it, but they automatically, the mind
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  does these mental gymnastics to protect itself and they start to
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  blame you. They start to blame other
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  people. They skirt away any
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  accountability because again, that accountability leads to
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  feeling more shame. The accountability leads to
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  feeling more pain. The accountability leads to all
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  this other stuff. Y'all it, it, it really is.
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  It really is like a crazy, like, it's a crazy mindset to have
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  y'all. It really is crazy to think like
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  this And, you know, be actively in therapy battling like like
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  actually, you know, currently battling this mindset and this
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  mentality and trying to help other people as well, y'all.
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  But anyway, y'all, let's wrap this thing up.
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  Y'all and I try to keep between 11 and 13 minutes.
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  I appreciate all of y'all tuning in.
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• 11:49
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• 11:54
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• 11:56
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  the day, that's what we got to do.
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  Like subscribe. I'm out.
• 12:03
  Peace. What's going on?
• 12:05
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:07
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
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• 12:25
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• 12:29
  I'm out.