Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #203 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#203 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, I've many times said that parenting is the ultimate
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  Speaker 2: self development course. This is about us becoming better versions
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  Speaker 2: of ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
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  Speaker 1: and Daddy.
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  Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books
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  Speaker 2: about raising happy families. And I'm here with my wife Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: co host, podcast partner and mum to our six daughters,
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  Speaker 2: aged from twenty something. We're not allowed to say how
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  Speaker 2: old she is anymore. She's said, no, I'm an adult.
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  Speaker 2: You can't tell everybody all the way down to the
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  Speaker 2: age of six. Yeah, And as always, every Friday, we
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  Speaker 2: have this episode that we loosely call I'll do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: The idea is we want to understand what we've learned
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  Speaker 2: from parenting this week and how we can make it
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  Speaker 2: better next week. And you know this is not a
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  Speaker 2: parenting thing, but I had a funny experience this week
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  Speaker 2: that I just have to share with you because I
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  Speaker 2: think this should be my I'd do better tomorrow. I
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  Speaker 2: need to do better next week when it comes to
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  Speaker 2: putting the bins out.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I did hear the bin truck drive past, and
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  Speaker 3: all of a sudden were dashing out the door.
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  Speaker 2: So I forgot to put the two bins out, and
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  Speaker 2: the trucks sort of come around the corner, like, oh no,
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  Speaker 2: I've grabbed the bins and we've got a long driveway.
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  Speaker 2: We live on a battle ax block, right, so what
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  Speaker 2: is it like two hundred meters to the end of
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  Speaker 2: the driveway or something ridiculous like that. And there's a
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  Speaker 2: steep hill and I've got these two bins that are
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  Speaker 2: sort of telling you down that yeah, threatening to run
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  Speaker 2: me over. I get to the bottom and I realized
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  Speaker 2: that one bin has been done, but the other one hasn't.
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  Speaker 2: But they do outside of the street first, and they
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  Speaker 2: do the other side next, and they were doing the
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  Speaker 2: other side, and so I'm like, oh no, So I
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  Speaker 2: left the bin that I could leave behind, and then
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  Speaker 2: I grabbed the other bin, and I was like he's gone,
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  Speaker 2: Like he was three hundred meters down the road, and
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  Speaker 2: so I thought the only thing I can do is
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  Speaker 2: chase him. So I'm wearing no shoes. The ground is
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  Speaker 2: steaming hot because it's been another hot summer's day, and
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  Speaker 2: I am just doing this sprint down the middle of
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  Speaker 2: the road. Fortunately we live on a fairly quiet street.
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  Speaker 2: Sprint down the middle of the road with the bin
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  Speaker 2: dragging behind me. There is cycling in the bin, and
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  Speaker 2: what a great what a great bin guy. He saw
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  Speaker 2: me in the mirror. I made sure I was in
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  Speaker 2: the middle of the road with his bin so that
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  Speaker 2: if he checked his mirrors he'd see me. And he
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  Speaker 2: actually reversed halfway back. But I'm sprinting down the street.
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  Speaker 2: That's my I'll do better next week by remembering. It's
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  Speaker 2: not even that I needed to remember, because you asked
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  Speaker 2: me to do it and I said yes, But I
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  Speaker 2: got so caught up in things real life. This is
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  Speaker 2: this is the Happy Family's real life snapshot of d
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  Speaker 2: I talk to Justin Goss. I've got blisters on my feet.
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  Speaker 2: It was so uncomfortable. But at least we're going to
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  Speaker 2: be able to fill our bin for the next two
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  Speaker 2: weeks without it overflying everywhere. Hey, so, what's your I'll
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  Speaker 2: do better tomorrow for this week? What parenting moment, pairing, insight,
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  Speaker 2: a failure, challenge, or otherwise learning moment have you had
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  Speaker 2: with our children, our munchkins this week?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I have talked previously about a A Brown book
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  Speaker 3: that I have been reading for the last two and
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  Speaker 3: a bit years.
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  Speaker 2: I'm getting close.
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  Speaker 3: I'm down to the last chapter but Daring Greatly, and
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  Speaker 3: it has been such an insightful read for me. But
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  Speaker 3: the other day I read something that just was actually
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  Speaker 3: a really huge aha moment for me. But what was
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  Speaker 3: most insightful about it was it actually highlighted how far
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  Speaker 3: I've come as a parent. And so the quote was this,
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  Speaker 3: she said, who we are and how we engage with
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  Speaker 3: the world are much stronger predictors of how our children
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  Speaker 3: will do than what we know about parenting. In terms
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  Speaker 3: of teaching our children to dare greatly. In the never
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  Speaker 3: enough culture, the question isn't so much are you parenting
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  Speaker 3: the right way, as it is are you the adult
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  Speaker 3: that you want your child to grow up to be?
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  Speaker 2: I just love that. I mean, I've talked about a
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  Speaker 2: lot of times my perhaps not quite so eloquent.
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  Speaker 3: She's very eloquent in her writing version of.
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  Speaker 2: That parenting is not about the children, it's about the parents.
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  Speaker 2: If it was about children, it would be called childrening.
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  Speaker 2: And I've many times said that parenting is the ultimate
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  Speaker 2: self development course. This is about us becoming better versions
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  Speaker 2: of ourselves. But I love the way that you said that.
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  Speaker 2: I love the way that she said that. I love
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  Speaker 2: the way you read that.
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  Speaker 3: Oh thank you. But what I loved about it was
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  Speaker 3: as I read that, I was thinking about the times
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  Speaker 3: when I'm proudest of my children and you know, thinking
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  Speaker 3: about who I am and what they're doing that makes
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  Speaker 3: me just, you know, have those moments where my heart's
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  Speaker 3: singing and I'm just elated to see them developing. And
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  Speaker 3: when I really was able to sit back and think
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  Speaker 3: about that, for me, it's the times where they actually
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  Speaker 3: do something the way I would have done it, when
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  Speaker 3: they actually see, you know, that they've got the maturity
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  Speaker 3: enough to kind of see past, you know, their ten
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  Speaker 3: year old self, and they actually see a way to
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  Speaker 3: move forward that would be very similar to us I
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  Speaker 3: would do, or they actually do it better. And when
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  Speaker 3: I was thinking about that, it kind of occurred to
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  Speaker 3: me that I actually am really happy with who I
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  Speaker 3: am and how I do life. And there was a
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  Speaker 3: time where I could have pulled myself to pieces, and
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  Speaker 3: there are still so many areas in my life where
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  Speaker 3: I want to be a better person. But if my
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  Speaker 3: children turned out like me or you, I would be
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  Speaker 3: really okay with that. And that was that was really
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  Speaker 3: a really empowering moment for me.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really personal thing to share, and I'm
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  Speaker 2: grateful that you did. I'd be okay if our children
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  Speaker 2: turned out like you too. I think you're pretty ace.
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  Speaker 2: Me not so much. I'm still a work in progress.
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  Speaker 3: But I think we're all a work in progress. But
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  Speaker 3: that's what that's the whole point of this. I think
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  Speaker 3: we can sit there and we can tear ourselves apart,
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  Speaker 3: or we can give ourselves a pattern on the back
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  Speaker 3: and say, you know what, we're doing the best we can.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well said.
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  Speaker 3: And I think that, you know, if we can look,
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  Speaker 3: if we're looking at ourselves and we see something that
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  Speaker 3: we don't like, this is a wonderful opportunity for us
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  Speaker 3: to start working on it. We're the only ones who
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  Speaker 3: have control over that, and this is just this opportunity
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  Speaker 3: for us to see the world for how it is
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  Speaker 3: and go, you know what, I could actually be a
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  Speaker 3: bit more kinder.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll do better tomorrow. Let's find out what I
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  Speaker 2: can do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Right after this, it's their Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 3: The kids are back at school, after school activities are
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  Speaker 3: starting and we are once again organizing how to get
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  Speaker 3: our kids to and from it all. So has the
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  Speaker 3: old should I or shouldn't I give them a mobile
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  Speaker 2: twelve year olds. The new Adventurer watch features phone calls, SMS, messaging,
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  Speaker 2: and GPS location updates, giving parents and kids a safe,
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  Speaker 2: age appropriate way to stay connected.
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  Speaker 3: Our ten year old has one and we love that
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  Speaker 3: she has it, and she loves having one.
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  Speaker 2: You can check out space Talk watch dot com to
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  Speaker 2: find out how you can give yourself and your child
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  Speaker 2: the peace of mind that you're never far away.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we
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  Speaker 3: are talking about the insights that we have as parents.
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  Speaker 2: I had an insight that really made a big deal
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  Speaker 2: for me with our children. I have made no secret
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  Speaker 2: this week of the fact that it's not been the
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  Speaker 2: best week for me. I've had a couple of just
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  Speaker 2: lousy weeks, which is really unusual because normally I'm just
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  Speaker 2: bubbly and bouncy and beaming and on top of the world.
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  Speaker 2: But a few things have happened that have just been
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  Speaker 2: a little bit more challenging than normal. Thank you, by
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  Speaker 2: the way, We've had so many emails from people who
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  Speaker 2: heard what I said or jumped onto Facebook and sent
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  Speaker 2: really kind emails through to off support. I'm not doing
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  Speaker 2: it for sympathy. I'm doing fine, but it's been so
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  Speaker 2: kind of people to reach out. Something that really struck me, though,
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  Speaker 2: was when I was having my particularly bad day, and
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  Speaker 2: I only had one of them, but it was really,
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  Speaker 2: really bad. Our children were so kind and gentle to
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  Speaker 2: me and to one another that particular day, with the
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  Speaker 2: exception of Emily, who was six year old. She had
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  Speaker 2: her moments and she just did what she did. But
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  Speaker 2: our ten year old, our thirteen year old, our seventeen
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  Speaker 2: year old, and our eighteen year old, the four of
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  Speaker 2: them who were all at home, they looked out for me.
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  Speaker 2: They came in cove me hugs. They said, we know
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  Speaker 2: you're not doing okay, do you need anything? Can I
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  Speaker 2: get you a drink? I was like, I should be
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  Speaker 2: miserable more often. This is actually pretty good. And I
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  Speaker 2: just thought, isn't it great how children, all children, they've
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  Speaker 2: got this inbuilt sense that they really do care, they
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  Speaker 2: really do want to help. I know that it's not
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  Speaker 2: just our kids that would do that. I think most parents'
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  Speaker 2: kids if they knew that the parents were having a
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  Speaker 2: genuinely bad time, and if those parents communicated it effectively
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  Speaker 2: and said I'm really struggling to keep it together today
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  Speaker 2: and I just need you to give me some space,
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  Speaker 2: I think that those kids would go away to their rooms,
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  Speaker 2: or go away to the living room or the backyard,
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  Speaker 2: have a think about things, and then say I need
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  Speaker 2: to help my dad or I need to help my mom.
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  Speaker 3: I actually think that that story has more to do
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  Speaker 3: about your parenting than it does about our children. Specifically.
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  Speaker 3: They have watched you do that very thing for them
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  Speaker 3: and for me for years.
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  Speaker 2: Well, they're awesome kids, And my insight is just that
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  Speaker 2: our children, children generally have got tremendous capacity for kindness.
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  Speaker 2: The challenge becomes making sure that they retain that capacity
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  Speaker 2: and grow that capacity rather than frightening it out of
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  Speaker 2: them and being cranky at them and all that kind
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  Speaker 2: of thing. And that was a really big insight for
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  Speaker 2: me this week. So I was grateful for that, and
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  Speaker 2: that's my I'll do better tomorrow. It's probably less about
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  Speaker 2: me and more about just how good it is to
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  Speaker 2: have these fantastic kids. We've had some really really kind
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  Speaker 2: feedback come through to the podcast and a couple of
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  Speaker 2: five star reviews. Missus happy families. They're probably related more
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  Speaker 2: to you than me, because everybody who loves you Bert.
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  Speaker 2: Would you like to share these real quick?
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  Speaker 3: So Jamma Mama said, feels like having friends over to chat.
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  Speaker 3: What a blessing this podcast has been to me and
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  Speaker 3: my family.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry, gave us a love heart and five stars. By
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  Speaker 2: the way, before jemm and Mama said, what a blessing
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  Speaker 2: the podcast is.
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  Speaker 3: I'm a better mother and a more sane person. Thank you, doctor.
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  Speaker 3: Justin Colson and Kylie awesome stuff, and an anonymous listener
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  Speaker 3: has said, great space, five stars. I love this podcast, simple,
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  Speaker 3: easy to follow direction in parenting.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we love those five star reviews. Please keep them coming.
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  Speaker 2: They help other people to find the podcast and find
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  Speaker 2: joy in family life. Really appreciate Jamma Mama and our
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  Speaker 2: anonymous reviewer giving us those two five star reviews. If
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: you would like to do the same thing, it's so easy.
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  Speaker 2: You literally open up the podcast app on your phone,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: click on our podcast and then where it says reviews,
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  Speaker 2: you just click on see all reviews and then click
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  Speaker 2: on the bit that says write a review. You click
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  Speaker 2: the five stars, you say what you love about the podcast,
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  Speaker 2: and Apple pushes us up in the algorithm so that
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  Speaker 2: we can help more people to be happier. Thank you
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  Speaker 2: so much for doing that. We also appreciate you listening
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  Speaker 2: to the podcast. We hope that it's making difference in
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  Speaker 2: your family. Grateful to Justin rule On from Bridge Media.
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  Speaker 2: He is the one who makes a sound the way
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  Speaker 2: we do. And we're also grateful for the sounding board
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  Speaker 2: that we have in our executive producer, Craig Bruce. What
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  Speaker 2: a guy. If you like more information about how to
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: make your family happier, please jump on to Happy Families
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  Speaker 2: dot com dot au. Check out the memberships. Monthly support,
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: access to webinars, access to all sorts of info to
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: guide your family to happier places. It's all at happy
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  Speaker 2: families dot com dot au