Latest / Dear Chelsea / Two Primary Suites with Mandy Moore

Transcript

Two Primary Suites with Mandy Moore · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I have been a home health
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: care worker for the last two weeks. I want everyone
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: to know that I have been in San Francisco with
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: my older sister Simone, caring for her, attending to her
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: bed sores. No, she does have any bed source, but
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping to give her some. You've got to roll
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: her over, she had. I have to roll her over
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: every morning after she gets off of me. She had
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: back surgery. So my other sissy, Bomber Shoshana, who's a
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: registered nurse and has an idea about how to take
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: care of people, actually went there for the first two weeks,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and then I took the last two weeks. And I
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: have been in San Francisco and I am and my
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: sister is recuperating, and I'm basically taking my medical practice.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I'm a farm to table guynecologist, is what we've finally discovered.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: She's like, why do I need a pap swhere every
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: single morning? And I'm like, because I'm a doctor and
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you love like a little bit of torture. And she's like,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: how many more fucking deliveries are you going to get
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: at my house? She doesn't talk like that. I that's
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: not fair. I'm the one who says fucking all the time.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: But I had delivered weights, bigs, small weights, pilates, matt
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: a pilates ring, a kettle bell, and three pillows, all
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the very heavy things and one light thing. My sister
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: is like, you are so fucking high maintenance. I'm like, what,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: this is not news to anyone, And she's like, no,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I know it's not. She's like, I'm actually surprised you're
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: staying here and you didn't order your own fucking bed.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, believe me, I thought about it. I mean,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: you're just gonna have the comforts of home, kettle bells
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: and pillow. And I got to surprise her with my
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: big brother Roy We. I flew him in as a
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: surprise so he could cook for her because we love
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: his cooking. And so he's been with me while he
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: was here for a few days with me and Simone,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: and so she was so happy she cried when she
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: saw him. And he's still he's in Southeast Asia somewhere right.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: He's actually Asian now, he has con completely to Asian.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: He's transitioned. Yes, he's he's in New Jersey in Noueva,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Jersey and he is working there. He's waiting for his
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Filipino wife to come there and married. He's waiting for
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: her paperwork to go through so that she could move
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to New Jersey with him. She he's actually living with
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: my sister right now, my other sister, Shoshana. We have
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: a very very incestuous family. I mean, that's great, though.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Do you guys all like each other enough to stay
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: together live together? Yeah, we do like each other. So
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: that's nice, and that is a gift. I should say
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: that's that should be part of my list every morning.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the fact that my family and I
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: get along. I mean that's huge. So many people right
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: in and they're like, I just wish I could have
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: what Chelsea has with her siblings because you're so close.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And oh, I also met your sister in law, which
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I was confused because I was like, oh, is that
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Brad's brother? And then I was like, sisters in law
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: can mean two different things. But she was sweet and
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: she came with her friend Julie. I think she had
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: mentioned that we had mentioned her on the podcast, and
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: she was pretty excited. Where which show did they come to?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Which should which city were in? Rock At Illinois, Rockford. Yeah, yeah,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: that was yes, yeah, yeah. Amanda is awesome and Julie's
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: her next door neighbor. And Amanda she's had a very
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: similar transitional period of her life, kind of like you have.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Hers was sort of due to illness. She had had
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: a brain tumor seven or eight years ago and had
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: surgery and sort of like kept up her very fast
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: paced lifestyle. She's a nurse practitioner, and then years later
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: it recurred and she has changed her whole lifestyle. She's
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: like sees a shaman and you know, is doing tons
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: of meditation. She used to have to take tons of
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: drugs when she would have her m RI s done,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: and now she just meditates through the whole thing. Like
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: it's whild, Like her life has been really transformed in
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: a super beautiful way. And she's also brought this sort
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: of holistic knowledge that she's gained into her nursing practice,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: which is really really cool and it's really wonderful to
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: see how her life is transformed. And I love that.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: That's so nice, so inspiring. It's so nice to know
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: that you can go from having to take so many
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: drugs just meditating, you know, Seriously, our guest today was
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: the star of a little show called This is Us
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and she just had a baby, baby number two, and
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: she's as singer, she's an actor, and she's a multitude
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: of things. Please welcome Mandy Moore. And I love that
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: face of yours, Mandy. I like what You're a double
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: mother now, double mother. I love it. I've thought of
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: it that way. How are you doing, I mean, well,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: how are you guys? We're great. This is my co
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: host Catherine and many. Nice to meet you. Nice to
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: meet you, Mandy. I was so happy to have you on,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Mandy because we met briefly at some event who knows
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: where they all blend together. But and I realized I
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: had never really met you before. No, we haven't. And
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I kicked myself. I was never cool enough or invited
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: or just it didn't work out to ever be on
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: your multiple shows, so I never got to know you
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: in that sense either. I know, Well, it doesn't matter
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: about being cool enough, because there's plenty of uncool people
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: on a lot of my shows, so that's really not
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the criteria. It's usually a matter of what what usually
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: would happen would be Publicists would think certain clients wouldn't
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: be able to handle being on my show, and then
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: they thought other clients could handle and just like it
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: was it was such an unfair assessment of their own clients,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: you know, like so many people would be like, oh
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: no, no no, that's not for our clients. She's not gonna
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: go on that show. And I'd be like, what do
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: you think it's going to happen that I'm going to
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: assault these people when they come and sit is my
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: guest on? Like the round table was one element, but
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: the interview. You don't just go off on somebody when
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: they come on your show. You actually tried to get
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: along with them. Of course, No, I know, I I
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: think I just I was having a very quiet period
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: of my life and therefore just there was no reason
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: to go on your show. Yeah, and we're here now,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: so who gives a show? Here? We are here, we
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: are Tell me how are you doing? Because I know
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: you just had a baby very recently. He's almost a
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: month old. I'm doing well, you know, tired all the things,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: but it's really wonderful and I'm enjoying it because I
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: have a twenty month old little boy. And when I
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: had him, I went back to work. Like a month later.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So it's nice to not sort of have anything to
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: jump immediately back into and the kind of enjoy this
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: season of my life as it were. And yeah, so
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I'm that's what I'm doing. I'm right in time for
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: the holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas. You get to enjoy yourself.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So are those Irish twins I mean maybe technically, Yeah,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Gus was yeah, nineteen months when Ozzie was born, so yeah,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: they're they're very close. That was not planned that way,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: but we celebrated and enjoy it even still. And and
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: you just wrapped your you were you went on a
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: tour right before this summer, yeah, which was a terrible
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: idea to do six months pregnant. It was really a
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: lot more arduous, Like I hadn't been on the road
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: and on a bus and done that whole life in
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: fifteen years, and it just it's very different being a
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: twenty three year old young lady versus being pregnant and
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: schlepping a toddler across the country. I was I thought, like,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: it's this will be easy. It's great. And then your
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: backstage in some grungy but fun club. That's so much
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: fun to play a show in at nine o'clock at night,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: but like, not not an ideal environment for a small child.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: It was, yeah, it was. It was pretty hard, but
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: it was great. It was fun to be on the
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: road and to play shows. I just yeah, it wasn't
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the the ideal circumstance. I wasn't feeling great. Well, it's no,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: it's not ideal to be pregnant and performing. I can't
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: even imagine what that's like. And it's never ideal really
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: to be on a bus, you know what I mean.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Like that is something as you get older, you're like,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: uh no, no, no, no, it is not what it
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: was like when I was in my twenties or thirties,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and being on the road is not what it's like
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: what it was like when I was in my twenties
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: and thirties. Well, you're older, you I'm okay, so you're
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: still in your thirties. Yeah, that's what I thought. How
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: is the road for you? Well, I mean I love
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: doing stand up again because I took a really long
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: break from it for like six years, and so I
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: was able to kind of re get you know, I
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: know you took a long break from it too, because
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: you were filming this as us for so many years,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: which everybody can watch on Hulu. You know, taking a break,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I find in my life an experience that is always
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: yields the best results because when you come back, you
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: have an effervescence and an energy that you know, many
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: times we lose when we overdo things and we work
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: so much, you know, sometimes we just can't keep that
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: kind of level of enthusiasm up for what we want
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: to do. And I also was when I was younger.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I just didn't I wasn't as responsible about my fans
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: and about my audience. And I do a show one
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: night ship faced and like not care. You know, I
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: was so exhausted all the time that I never I
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: didn't know any think about self care or being healthy
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: on the road. Obviously, now it's a lot different, so
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I will not obviously, but it is a lot different now,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: so I take a lot better care of myself. But
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'm still it's still exhausting. I mean, anytime you travel,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: it's taxing on your body, right And if you know travel,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: whether you're in a bus, on a private plane, or
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: on a commercial plane, it's all it all kind of
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: knocks you out after a while, and you're so vulnerable
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: and you're so like you especially, you're so present and
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: engaged and what you're sort of transmitting to the audience,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: like it's it's so emotionally draining as well that I
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: don't think there's that same level of awareness when you're young,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: and like you said, you're sort of running on fumes.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It it only comes in the practice of self care
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and having taken like a step away and taken that
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: sort of downtime to really learn about yourself. Yeah, I
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: think you have to be a lot more intentional now
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: as a performer, recognizing like I'm going to have this
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: clear delineation where I'm authentic and I'm giving people as
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: much as myself as I can, but also like at
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, I need to preserve and
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: protect like some semblance of myself for me, for my family,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: for my loved ones, my friends. You know, absolutely, And
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I think it's like it's it's easier now to like
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: not go to dinner before the show, you know, to
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: take the time and be like, listen, I'm m expending
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of energy because I used to diminish that,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: like you always you know how women are, we are
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: always like I can do anything, I can do it
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: all and I'll be fine, and it's like, no, you're not.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: You're not fine. And once you realize that about yourself,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, it's good to preserve your energy so
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: that what you're doing and what you're getting paid to do,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: you're doing the Actually you're coming out as the actual
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: best version of yourself and not mailing it in or not.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: How is this tour, since it had been so long
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: for you to be since you had been on tour,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: how did this tour feel aside from being pregnant and
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: obviously not feeling your best. I mean, you basically got
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: pregnant on your tour. I'm just gonna say it, Mandy,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: she got knocked up on the No No I. I
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: know I'm a group. That would have made it easier,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: but my husband was on the road with me at
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that point. I was like, don't even look at me,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: don't touch me. I would say. It was different, kind
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: of echoing what you said. I know myself better. I'm
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: more present, I'm more aware of more nervous, I would say,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: because I'm aware of like this the stakes now in
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: a way that I wasn't before. Although this was still
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: a very small tour. It's not like I'm some huge
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: pop artist that was going and selling out like arena
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: as we were playing cool little theaters and clubs, and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: so there was a real intimacy and connection with like
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: an audience, like looking out and seeing people's faces in
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: a way that I think I used to just not
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: gloss over but like whatever would sort of get me
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: through the show. Now it was like I really was
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: aware of who was here and why they were here
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and what they were digging about certain parts of the show,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: like older music, music from newer records of mine, and
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: being able to be on stage with my husband and
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: my brother in law who plays drums with me and
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: is in a band with my husband, and one of
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: my very dear friends playing guitar on the other side
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: of me. So it's like I really was surrounded by
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: people that I adore and in awe of as musicians,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: and that was really, really, really different. I've never toured
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: that way before and probably won't get to again or
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: at least for a really long time. And even having Gus,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: having my my child with me was so special. I mean,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: he was asleep long before we played, but he come
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to sound check, so being able to look out and
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: he had his little headphones on and still sort of
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: unaware of what mom and dad are doing. But one
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: day we'll be able to tell him, like, hey, we
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: brought you across the country for you know, a month
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: and had baby brother and mom's belly and we all
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: kind of were doing this crazy endeavor together, and that'll
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: be fun to be able to share one day. So
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: in that sense, like it was totally worth it and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: so special and I love that, you know, I got
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: to do fifteen shows and I scratched that itch something
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I wanted to do for a really, really long time,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and other work had gotten in the way, and a
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: marriage and divorce had gotten the way. Like there was
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: so much that sort of happened in my life that
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: kind of kept pushing off music for one reason or another.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: And so to finally have this sort of wish fulfillment
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: of being on stage and it all kind of coming
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: together in such a beautiful way, and then had the
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: wherewithal to like really listen to myself and my body
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: and say, I don't think this is the best thing
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: for me right now. I really need to like take
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: care of my health and get some rest because, as
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: we mentioned, no one really sleeps on a broad tour bus,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: and so that was it. Then I just called it
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: a day and came home, rested for a couple of months,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: and then had a baby. Seriously, did you have to
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: cut that tour short or did you did? I? Oh
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: you did. I didn't realize that. Yeah, I cut it
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: like short. Um. We we did about half of the
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: tour and had like a nice little break where I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: was like, I think this, I think I'm good. I
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: think I'm good to sort of push the pause button
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: and just be home and we all got COVID. The
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: universe was like, and you need to take a break.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Isn't it funny though that wise we get older, we
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: can make those decisions more responsibly. You don't feel like
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: you're letting everybody down. You and know that taking care
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: of yourself as paramount to anything else and other people's
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: expectations or disappointing people, it's like it's irrelevant, really, you know,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: obviously we don't aim to do that, but you have
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: to take and prioritize yourself in a more serious way.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: And I feel like in any other chapter of my
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: life until now, I definitely would have ignored that little voice.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I would have said, nope, I'm gonna put everyone else's
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: like expectations ahead of my own, and I would have
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: just like soldered on and it probably would have been mine.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm a better woman and wife
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: and mother and all of the things because I I
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: sort of listened to that intuition and and took that
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: time for myself. So I'm like, yeah, okay, And I
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: sort of feel like, as women, it's good for us
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: to see examples of other women drawing those boundaries and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: delineating between like, Nope, I can only do so much.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I am human, I'm fallible. I need to listen to
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: my myself and and listen to my body. And that's
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: sort of what I did. And you're, then, I guess,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: kind of giving other people to give themselves that same permission. Yeah,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: amen to that, Lahai. I mean, you're not Jewish, but
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I am. So I'll just keep saying that, I'll take
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: off thanks. That's the right answer, I'll take it. So wait,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: can I ask you? I want to ask you, but
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure you're okay to talk about
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: your mom and your dad. When your mom came out
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: as a lesbian because I was just talking to my
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: producer Katherine, and she was filling me in and I
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's so juicy. Tell me what happened.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: You caught your mom having an affair? No, not exactly.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: So my parents for high school sweethearts and they were
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: married for just shy of thirty years. And where did
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: they go to high school? What State at Florida in Orlando,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: and they like, they grew up in Orlando when it
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: was just like Orange Groves pre Disney World, and that's
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: where we all grew up, my my two brothers and myself.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: But you know, I think there was sort of this
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: point of pride having parents that were still together, sort
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: of like you know, looking around your friendship landscape and
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: seeing marriage is falling apart and families sort of diverging,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: and and so it was always this real point of
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: pride that my mom and dad were together. And I
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: think being a young person in the industry and I
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: love my parents and having this fantastic foundation, like I
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: always had one of them on the road with me
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: or traveling with me, And I think it's why I'm
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: thirty eight and still have some semblance of a career
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: because mom and dad kind of were there to keep
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: things on the straight and narrow. But all of this
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: to say, I was about twenty two, I think, and
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: at the point of adulthood where I was like very
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: much living my own independent life. And I remember I
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: was recording music in upstate New York and my parents
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: both came up to visit me, and I could tell
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: something was weird. My mom play a lot of tennis
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: growing up, like all when we were kids, and obviously
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: then when we got older and left the house. That's
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the first sign everybody correct, it can be mom taking
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: like a very concerned interested in tennis. So she was
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: playing more tennis now that we were all out of
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: the house, and she had torn her achilles tendon, and
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: so she was up visiting me, and she was scooting
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: around on a little thing with her knee and her
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: foot hall like bound up healing, and there was just
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: something off between my parents. And that was the first
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: time I clopped that anything was sort of strange, like
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: they just had a weird and energy between them. But
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: of course I never would have expected like they were
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: separating or my dad had sort of found out. I
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: think that my mom was having an affair with a
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: female friend of hers right before their thirtieth anniversary, and
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I think they were sort of in the midst. This
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: was shortly thereafter, so they were in the midst of
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: kind of figuring out what life was going to look
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: like and what was going to sort of unfold from here,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: and not telling us children about it yet. And we
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: went a couple of months later away for the holidays,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: and that was when things really felt weird. And it
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: was me and my younger brother, who's like eighteen months
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: younger than me, and my mom and dad, and we
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: were watching like a Christmas movie or something together. And
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I had bought my mom a laptop for Christmas, and
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: she'd asked me to set it up for her, so
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I was like doing all the things, and I remember
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: getting to her email and I wasn't I'm not a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: sneaky person just by nature. I'm not really like, yeah,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking that I was going to find anything.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: And I was kind of mindlessly setting up her email box,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: and my eyes kind of drifted to the draft box
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: as I was like clicking on her emails, and I
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: just quickly scanned this email that was addressed to myself
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: and my two brothers, and it was sort of a
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: what I've come to realize was like an exercise and
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: from her therapist of writing to us and telling us
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: what was going on and that she had fallen in
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: love with this woman and was leaving my dad and
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: how much she loved us. And I just froze and
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I quickly closed the laptop and I ran upstairs, and
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: my my brother, I think, was up there, my younger brother,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: and I was like, Kyle, you're not gonna believe this,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Like I just I was setting up mom's computer night.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: But my immediate gut reaction was like, we have to
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: go downstairs and confront them and tell them that I
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: saw this thing. There's no way that I could keep
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: the secret now now that I know. And he thankfully
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: had a cooler head about it, was like no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Like let her do this in her own way, in
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: her own time, Like she wasn't expecting you to find
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: that email. That's probably not how she wants us to
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: all find out about this, And can't you tell the
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: dad is really trying to savor this. This is maybe
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: like our last vacation as a family, Like let's try
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: to enjoy it. Let mom do this in her own way.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And I did, but I had to sit for the
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: next like two or three days, knowing what was going
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: on and watching my mom text and I'm like, you know,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know who she's texting. She's probably texting this person,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: and I was so angry, but I had to sort
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: of like let that simmer, because it's it's two shockers.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: It's like the one shocker and then the second shocker
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: to find out your mom is gay or you know,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: in love with a woman, and that's shocking, especially when
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: you have no idea prior to that. Wow, that is
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: such a crazy story, Mandy. It's crazy. And my mother
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: is still with her partner who she's been with ever
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: since that day, and it took a lot of time
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: away and therapy to sort of come around to finding
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: our relationship again. My mom was the closest person in
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: my teenage years at a time when I should have
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: been sort of rebelling against my parents and not spending
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: the time that I was sort of forced to because
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I lived this very strange life and I always had
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: them sort of in my corner and on the road
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: with me. So it's weird to be sitting here as
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: a thirty eight year old woman, like not having that
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: same close connection that I did with my mom when
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I was younger. And also we don't live in the
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: same state, and you know, we're very different people in
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: that sense. And I often wonder like, even if life
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: had sort of continued down the same path and my
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: parents never split up or I just wonder like, what
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: would we still feel as disconnected as we do today
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: or is it just solely in part because you know,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I really took like my dad's side, if there were
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: sides to take, I I felt like I immediately had
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: to protect him. And I've always been a daddy's girl anyway,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: but being the only daughter, I just felt like I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: immediately needed to swoop in and like pick up the
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: pieces of his shattered life and help him get into
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: therapy and make sense of what was going on. And
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know now that that wasn't my responsibility,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: but I kind of shunned my mom's side of the
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: story in favor of just solely focusing on my dad,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: and that wasn't okay, And that was something I've made
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: amends to her for since then. But it's family dynamics
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: are so wild and ricky, and hopefully one day things
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: will sort of find better footing. I think that they will.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I think you're completely aware of why you have those feelings.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: It makes sense to have those feelings, especially as a
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: young adult when you're twenty two and your brain isn't
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: even fully formed and your emotions are definitely not fully formed.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: And is your dad remarried? Did you hear someone? Okay, yeah,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: they're both like they've both been with their their respective
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: partners for like fifteen years now or twelve years or
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: something a long time, and they're very happy. And everything
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: is amicable between my parents. I mean, I think as
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: you get older now that like all of us kids
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: are well into our thirties, their only connection is us
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: and there's just not much to sort of keep in
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: touch about necessarily, which is change. I never would have
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: thought like, oh, my parents have just gone on these
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: two divergent paths, but everybody's happier, and I think like
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: they're with the people that they're supposed to be with.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Two yeah, yeah, I think it's you know, we have
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: to always practice empathy with our parents and understand of
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: the pressure that they felt and what they were going
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: through everyone except for my father, but you know, like
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: you you know, to understand that they were struggling and
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: she probably stayed in a marriage way longer than she
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: wanted to, just to keep you guys happy, you know,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: and to empathize with that. Well, this is a perfect
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: jumping off point. Unfortunately, your story is a great jumping
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: off point for this podcast because we're going to have
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: people call zoom in and we're going to give them
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: life advice, okay, and it's super fun. People with their
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: own tricky family dynamics. I love it. Well, I'm gonna
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: lean on you guys, but you yeah, you just pop
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: in when you feel passionate about something. Well, we'll take
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back with Mandy
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: and Chelsea. And we're back. We're back. Well, we have
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: a lot of very interesting colors and an email. Today.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Our first caller is Becca. She lives in Portland. Dear Chelsea,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I've been with my high school sweetheart for over twenty
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: years and I'm worried I'll never find a way out.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: We got married when I was eighteen, he was nineteen,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: and got pregnant with our first son five months later.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: By the time I was twenty four, I had four
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: beautiful bull ways, all under the age of five. Her
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: kids are seventeen, sixteen, fourteen, and thirteen right now. Oh
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: my god. Yeah. We were both raised conservative christian so
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: getting married young, especially to the person you lost your
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: virginity too, wasn't abnormal. We've gone through major changes together,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: like leaving Christianity because we just couldn't stomach it and
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: didn't want to raise our kids in it, moving to
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: the other side of the country for a more liberal
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: and accepting culture, and supporting each other through college and
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: career opportunities wherever possible. We've also been each other's primary
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: support system, like when his mom and my dad died
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: within six months of each other while we were dating
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: in high school. I was happy with our little life
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: until we were really starting to become who we are
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: now post Christianity. Since then, it has been a personal
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: hell now lasting over ten years. We've gone to three
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: different marriage therapists, and we're recently separated for a year
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: in one. Until this past summer, I was so happy
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: having my own house and having a really healthy co
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: parenting dynamic, as well as a pretty good business partnership.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: He had joined my business right before we separated. After
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: spending a year separated, I was ready to start the
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: divorce paperwork, and he asked if we could try to
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: work at it a little more instead. So I said yes,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: but slowly, and we would still be living apart. After
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: a few weeks, the owner of the house I rented
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: had an emergency and needed to sell quickly, so I
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: moved back in with my husband temporarily. Now we're buying
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: our family's dream house together, and I feel sick to
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: my stomach daily, but I know this is a very
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: necessary and practical decision that I just have to do.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I want to suck it up and try to wait
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: it out until at least are older two have left
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: the house, maybe two to five years. But being in
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: a relationship I really don't want to be in is
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: taking a toll on my mental health. Any advice, Becca,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: god Hi, This is Mandy Moore, our special guest today
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: god Career. Yeah, this makes my whole year. I mean,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: we just read your letter and good my heart goes
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: out to you. It sounds like, can you okay, First
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: of all, breakdown, what's the problem? Why is it hell?
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: When you use that that's a strong word. I think
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: the best way I can summarize it is just we're
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: not compatible. We're really good friends and I have a
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: ton of respect for him and he has a ton
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: of respect for me. But it's like I'm a square
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: peg and he's a round hole, and like trying to
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: fit together isn't working, and it's kind of causing damage
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: with each of us just as people. So which we
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: can do that, we can sacrifice for our kids. It's
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: just not super healthy, right Is there a lot of arguing? Oh? No,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: we don't argue anymore past that. No. I mean, we
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: can get into it, but we just choose not to,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: you know. We we're more like conflict adverse at this point. Okay,
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: And you're in the process of buying this dream house
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: together with both of your money's. How is that working?
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: So it's my money, but he's a contractor, so he's
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: going to fix it up and I'm financing, if that
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: makes sense. Okay, And you made that decision because you
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: wanted just to provide your kids with a dream house. Yes,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: And it helps us do a really good exit in
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: like five years after we sell it, so it's it's
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: super practical. Okay, okay, is there a way for you
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: to live separate lives in this house that, especially if
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you're building it or renovating it or doing something where
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: you you at least feel a little bit more comfortable
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: to have some semblance of independence. Well, that's what I'm
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out, because I think we're both open
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: to that. But it's hard to not get sucked into
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: the everyday life of everything with everyone. I mean, if
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: we're living like the year that we lived separately, we
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: both grew so much, but it was because we each
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: had a quiet house once a week. So us all
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: being together, you just you know, it's a big family
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: and we you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: don't want to feel like, okay, guys, go away. You
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: can't mean me right now. So it's like trying to
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: find a strategy and a structure to get through this
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: time period is kind of what I'm trying to figure out. Okay,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: So that's good to know. So first of all, it's
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: not You're not in some abusive situation where you're arguing
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: on a daily basis or being too in a disrespectful way.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: So okay, So it's this is okay. So I think
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: it's a huge opportunity for you to create a completely
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: like Gwyneth Caaltro did with conscious uncoupling. You can create
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: a new set of ideas for how your family is
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: going to get through this next period of time. And
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: complete honesty with your children and your husband is the
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: most respectful way to do that and with them about
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: what you guys are planning to do. And I think
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: sitting down with your husband and figuring out can you
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: have your own bedroom and he have his own bedroom
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: in this new house? Right? We could get to that eventually.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: That could be a dream. I did say that like
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: months ago, if I ever was to live with someone
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: ever again, I went to primary suites. I never want
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: to stare at bed with a guy ever again, unless
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: you know I need to, unless it's an emergency for
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: for certain occasions, and then you gotta get out. I
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: want to read my book. I want. I loved going
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: to bed early. It was amazing for the first time. Listen,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: you're talking to the choir. I love sleeping by my
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: fucking self, and I love going to bed at eight o'clock.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: I can't even tell you how much I loved amazing.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I know. So that's like the light at the end
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: of the tunnel for me, just in my own bed,
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Like if I had that, i'd be I'd be pretty good, honestly. Well,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: then you need to get that. That's gonna be a
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: part of the deal moving forward. Seriously, the standards are
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: low here. We just need to get our separate bedroom. Yeah, seriously,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: if that look how happy you are even talking about it?
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I know, well, and that's why I wrote it, because
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well, if anyone will know what
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: to do with Chelsea, Okay, So listen, you need to
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: set it up. You have to have a conversation with
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: your husband and say, listen, I'm really looking forward, not
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: dreading this new period of time that we're going to
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: have with our family. Obviously, your kids are the most
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: important things to both of you, Otherwise you wouldn't be
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: revisiting your marriage in the first place. So, but you
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: have to make it very clear to him, because you
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: don't know, giving yourself enough of the space within this
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: marriage may make you want to be in the marriage
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: for a longer period of time, even after your kids
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: are gone. I know that doesn't sound palatable in this moment.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: But what you need is space. We all need it,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: you know. And I think when we feel crowded and
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: we feel we kind of sometimes feel suffocated by our
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: families and by our husbands. And this is like a
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: perfect opportunity to try a different dynamic within your family
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: and have him respect that and say this is how
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: it's going to be best for me to move forward.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: You're in your room, I'm in my room. We're going
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: to operate as a family, and I want you to
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: ask for what you need and I'm going to ask
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: for what I need. Yeah, I think that all makes
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: perfect sense. So how do you help not get into
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: that code dependency kind of thing? But I think a
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: lot of couples and families can do, especially if you're
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: in each other's space, just not identifying your own needs anymore,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: because like your needs become their needs and you can't
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: even tell the difference. Does that make sense? Yeah, I
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: think it makes sense. And I think listen. Codependency is
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: something that everybody experiences every time you're in a relationship,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: and it's it's it's I know it's can be such
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: a dirty phrase, but it's not. It's what happens when
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: people are in a relationship, but if you want to
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: get your independence back, that involves and requires a constant
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: conversation about like what the parameters are where you know
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: you should use this as an experimental couple, like Okay,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: let's do this for six months and then we'll we'll
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: sit down and discuss is this working for you? Is
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: this working for me? What could be better for you?
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: What could be better for me? Whether or not you
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: guys want to continue to have sex with each other,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: whether or not you guys want to be involved in
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: each other's lives and your each other's social circles. How
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: do you want to handle all of that? Who's going
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to handle the kids, and who's in charge of car pooling,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: who's in charge of food, who's in charge of this
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: and that and all the other things that come along
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: with children. Luckily that I don't know about, but I think,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I think you have a
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: huge opportunity to have a really healthy relationship moving forward
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: with your husband, and who knows what it could spark,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: because as long as you're taking care of yourself, you're
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: not gonna be so resentful and you're not going to
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: be so upset about the situation that you're living in. Yeah,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: And I also want to say, like, who says you
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: can't have a night off. Maybe it's not something you
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: tell your kids like I need a night off from you,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: but they're teenagers. Maybe there's one night a week that
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: you tell your husband like this is your night with
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: the kids, and maybe it's Fridays and my night with
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: the kids of Saturdays, and we each go to our
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: own thing that night, so that he can have a
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: little freedom as well, you can have some freedom. Did
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: you ever see that show Splitting Up Together? Is that
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: with uh Jenna Fisher and Oliver Hudson And we have
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: had both of them on the show. But it's great.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: They make a little bachelor pad in the backyard out
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: of the garage to have continuity for the kids. The
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: kids stay in the house and then each week the
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: parents split off, like they split it up, they switch off,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I should say, but it's kind of what we're talking
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: about here. I think I saw one episode of that,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: maybe like five years ago. Maybe to all of this.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I love I love that idea. It's I guess a
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: part of me is like when my kids were at
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: their dad's house, I didn't feel like they could ever
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: see that as rejection because they still saw me a
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: little bit on those weeks, but to see me in
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: the house and doors locked, and I guess they just
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: gotta get over it. He can take them out also,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: like he can take them out to dinner. Yeah, I
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: think listen, everyone's codependent anyway. I think that language is
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: kind of unhelpful sometimes, you know, Katherine, you're you want
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: to consider you and Brad codependent. I mean at some point, yeah,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: what they say is like interdependent is the healthy version
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: of that, But absolutely I can't do anything without him. Mandy,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: what about you and your husband or do you feel
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: like you're interdependent? I don't know, that's a good question.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a much healthier relationship now
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: than I have been in the past, But I do
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: feel I do feel somewhat. I mean, it's hard to
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: be in a romantic relationship with somebody and not feel interdependent,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: like it's you just become you know, And I just think, listen,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I think what you really it sounds like with you
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: when you because you're talking about your kids and your
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: husband and kind of the same vein you need time
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: to yourself and that's something. Children respect boundaries. I know
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: you're a mother and there's a huge responsibility that comes
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: with that, but children respect boundaries, and you're also setting
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: a great example by you know, placing those boundaries, you know,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: for them, so when they're adults and they're dealing with
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: their relationships with their children and significant others, they can
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: also behave in a respectable manner. And so you saying,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: like Saturday nights, i'm off or from this period of time,
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: even for this one hour each day, I need for
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: myself in my room. Whatever you need is okay to
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: ask for you know, understanding that these are still children
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: and that you're their mom, and I think you're gonna
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: feel a lot healthier and a lot more optimistic, you know,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: about your situation, instead of thinking that you're living in
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: some sort of hell, because you're not. This isn't hell.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: You know, it's just not your most ideal situation. But
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: you can make it one. Yeah, okay, okay, great, great, Well,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: you know, keep us posted, hit us up in like
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: six months and let us know what's going on and
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: how it worked. And if you've got the second bedroom, yes,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: you know you're gonna get that second bedroom. That's a prerequisite.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: You have to that's a man that this is a mandate. Yeah,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: not negotiable. Okay, okay, and good luck with your new house.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Nice to
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: meet you. Back up meet you. Well, that's not hell.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not you know what I mean? Like
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: hell is Iran? That's hell. So I mean, isn't it funny? Though?
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Oh that looks good. What are you drinking? Lemon water?
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Coconut water? I could see there was a hue in
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: it I liked. I'm very water sensitive because I hate
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: water so much that I have to have flavors. So
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: whenever I see anything in water, I'm like, whoa, what what?
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: What's the name some electroclight powder or something? Oh? Absolutely,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: water is so boring. Anytime I'm on a plane and
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: they hand me like a little room temperature bottle of
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: Dasani water, I want to throw it right out the window.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Jasania is garbage. Dasani is literally just like tap water.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: It's made by Coca Cola, so of course it's garbage. Yes,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I thought that was going to be a much more
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: depressing set of circumstances. I did too, just literally needs
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: like an hour to herself and her own room. I
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: was like, you're getting a new house. This seemed easy, Yes,
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: And from there, you know, like Chelsea said, is an
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: investment opportunity and they can have that plan and be
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: on their way out in a few years. I'm excited
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: to see what her life looks like to once the
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: kids all are grown up and out of the house,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: because she was such a young young mother. Yeah, yeah,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: she's going to reclaim herself in this next chapter. That's
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: so much to look forward to totally. And it's also
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: too messy, like to move out and then move back
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: in and then move out again. It's like that is
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: very disruptive, even though the circumstances were, you know, prevented
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: anything else from happening. Maybe, but it would be so
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: disruptive for the kids. You know, that's so confusing and
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: unfair to them. And at a certain point you do
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: have to be the parent when you are one, you know. Yeah,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: what else do we have? Catherine? Who's name? Well, our
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: next caller is Carly. Carly says, dear Chelsea. I'm a
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: twenty eight year old female that works as a freelance
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: video production project manager. Hiring crew, managing schedules and budgets, etcetera.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: My work and income is steady. My income is not
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: as high as I wish it was, but I still
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: have enough to live and be adult it sometimes. I
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: also love the flexibility that being a freelancer provides. The
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: problem is I've been working in the same lane for
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: six years now, and I haven't really felt much growth
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: in my career, in the path, or in my income.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of anxiety around feeling financially stable,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: but I'm also so exhausted from worrying about it. Worrying
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: about money is the exact reason my parents got divorced,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: and I can feel it having an effect on my
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: relationship as well. I don't love what I do, but
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know where else to turn. I can see
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: a future where I'm a successful business owner, but I
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: can't figure out a path there or what it looks like.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I know I have the skills to do something more,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: but I feel stagnant and lost when it comes to
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: my work life. So how do I stop worrying so
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I can kick start my future and really start building
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: something I'm proud of? Thank you? Carly, Hi, Carly, Hi,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: Carly Hi, Carly, how are you Hi. We have Mandy
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Moore here today as our special guest. I mean, nice
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: to meet you, to thank you guys for having me.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, we're happy to talk to you. So you
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: freelance mostly. I like your skis in the background. Thank
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: you for that extra touch. You're welcome. I was just
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: scrolling through Instagram. Stay where the most snow has been
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: so far? I was like, I've got a lot of snow.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: I'm in Evergreen, Colorado. But anyway, Yes, I freelance. I
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: have four study clients and so I have steady income.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: But I just feel like I don't know what the
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: next step is. I don't know where to go from here.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: I don't necessarily love what I do, and I feel
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: like if I loved what I did, the money would follow.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: And it's just it's exhausting. It's constantly just spiraling in
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: my brain all the time. And you know, my partner
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: doesn't love when I'm constantly worried about the same thing
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: in circles and and I just want to feel like
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I'm working towards something mm hmm. And what is your
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: line of work? Video production? I work a lot with
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: ad agencies, so we do a lot of commercials and
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: social media ads and stuff like that. Okay, and you're
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: not passionate about it, No, not really. I mean I
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: like the project management aspect of it, and I know
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I'm good at what I do. I just I don't know.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I don't feel aligned with with the work. But would
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: you feel aligned with doing like video managed, like that
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: kind of video management for something other than another subject
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: since you have that skill set potentially? Yeah. And I
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: try and reach out to as many people as I
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: can outdoor stuff and surfing magazines and everything in and
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: um yeah, just nothing seems to come to fruition. And
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: I think it's just because I'm not my heart's not
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: in it. Mm hmm, Okay. I do kind of wonder.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: So you say you like the project management portion of it,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: but it's a lot running around, like you're basically running
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: your own business, but you are also the technician in
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: your business, so you're the person going out and filming,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: you're on set every day. I wonder if you may
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: be at a point in your career where, rather than
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: find something totally different, it's time to level up, so
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: where you are hiring somebody underneath you as subcontractor to
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: go out and actually be the technician who's actually doing
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: the work, and you are building a business because project management,
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: that's what building a business is all about, is overseeing things,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: making sure people get where they need to be, that
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: things get delivered on time and all that sort of thing.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Is that somewhere where you see yourself in the future. Yes,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I've definitely thought about that, and I think that would
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: be amazing. I just don't know if I'm into video
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: production anymore. I don't know it's a good thing, Like
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: I just it's again like that's where my skill set is,
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: and that's where I feel like I should be. But
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: I want to try something new. Maybe there's some other
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: path for me where I can use that that same
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: skill set and still be outside and not necessarily behind
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: my laptop all day totally, which I also understand is
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: part of working too. What are you interested in doing? Like,
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: what do you like to do outside? Ski? What are
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: you passionate about? Yeah, I live in the mountains, so
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: I'm outside a lot, just working like on our property,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: like chopping wood and skiing and and stuff like that,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: and so I love that kind of stuff and that
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: is definitely like what I look forward to after work
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and on weekends and stuff like that. We have a dog.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I thought about my grandma things I should rescue animals.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know how I could make a
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: career out of all of that, though, especially when I'm
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: worried about financial stability. Well, I mean, what if you
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: split up what you're doing, Like, what about if you
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: love being outside? What about because I mean, I know
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: a ski guide you're not going to be be making
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: ridiculous amounts of money, but it combines two things that
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: you really love, which is earning money and skiing. What
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: about doing something like that as a supplemental thing so
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: that you can kind of start to figure out what
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: will work in the future, you know what I mean.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: I think if you if you don't have to work
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: like a hun your percent in this one field that
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: you're kind of over, and you start giving yourself a
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: little bit more space to enjoy the work that you're
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: doing while you're still making money. I know, ski guides
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: don't make tons of money, but you know, you could
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: be a private ski guide and make a decent amount
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: of money with tips and everything, if you know, if
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: you're a my ski guy you'd be making a lot
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: of money because I love that ship, you know. I mean,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: what about doing something like that and kind of splitting
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: your time between the two things more important before we continue,
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: I think the negative conversation you're having about finances is
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: having a deltarious impact on your whole vibe. Right when
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: you have a negative thought pattern and cycle of thoughts,
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: you have to understand you're here because you got yourself here.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: You've made it this far, so you could depend on
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: yourself worrying and worrying and worrying just grows an issue
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: and it makes it bigger. So I really need you
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: to either start meditating, start writing the gratitude list every
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: single morning when you wake up, or start saying positive
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: affirmations to yourself. Because these things, while they sound silly,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: they change your energy level, They change your vibe. So
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: once you practice, you put into practice. Do you have
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: any practices like either of those three things I just mentioned. Yeah,
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I do try to meditate quite a bit lately, I've
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: kind of gotten away from it, but will try harder. Yes,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I should try. Don't try do it. I'm telling you
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: it will make a difference. It will make a difference
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: in your frequency and the vibes you're putting out. We
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: get into negative thought patterns. That doesn't mean you're going
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: to have these thought patterns forever there. Nothing is permanent.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. So if you could
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: just keep that in mind, this feeling of being broke
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: all the time is not permanent either. It's temporary. You
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: have so much going for your beautiful person, you have
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: a partner, you seem like, you love the outdoors. It
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: gives you so much joy, Like there's all these great
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: things that are already happening in your life and this
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: is just one one aspect of it that isn't where
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: it needs to be right now. And when you change
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: the way you think about things, things start to happen
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: in a different way in your life, and opportunities will
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: present themselves that maybe weren't there before. Yeah, thank you.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: It's a great point. Yeah, and I think the financial
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: stuff too, Like Chelsea said, it is kind of all
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: in your head. You've mentioned like I have enough to
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: live on, but I'm so stressed about money, and that
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: is something that can be reframed offline. I'll get your address,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: but I'm going to send you a couple of books.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: One is You Are a Badass, which will help you
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: reframe a lot of things and maybe start thinking outside
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: of the box of what your career might look like,
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: what you love to do. And the other one is
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: the sequel, You are a bad as at making money,
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: And that for me was so helpful and like reframing
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: how I thought about money, how I thought about my
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: relationship to money, what it means, because at the end
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: of the day, it's just numbers, but it means so
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: much more in our minds, Like it's this big looming thing,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and when you get a handle on how you feel
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: about it, things do start to change. Thank you. Yeah, Mandy,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: I know you had sort of a very big, scary
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: career transition. Is there any wisdom you want to share
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: about like what you through? No, I mean, I I'm
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: just in all listening to you, Chelsea, like off the
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: top of your head rattle off fantastic advice. I mean,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: I'm sure this is why you have this very podcast.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, I kept hearing you talk about the money
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: aspect of things too, and it's like just finding finding
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: your passion and finding something to sort of bring a
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: little bit more joy into your world. Like, I feel
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: like the money conversation becomes less of a thing and
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: it will have less relevance and presence in your life.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: It's just echoing what you guys said. I love that
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: idea though, of finding a way to create that balance
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: of your You still have your responsibilities, you're really good
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: at your at your job, but like maybe incorporating the
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: the skiing or bringing the outdoor components into your life
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: and finding a way to make money doing that, and
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: it's sort of like the best of both worlds and
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: it will maybe help bring whatever the next transition and
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: chapter of your life and career maybe a help sort
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: of bring it into focus a little bit sooner. And
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: just meeting people too might be helpful. Here's meeting new
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: people like you know, trail guiding, mountain biking, hiking, all
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: of the things that sound like they're up your alley
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: in Colorado. I mean, everyone in Colorado's into all of
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: that stuff. So it seems like there's a lot of
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: outlets for you. But I also would recommend you know,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: sit down with yourself each morning and write the things
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: that bring you joy, you know, what makes you happy,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: and write those so that they're louder in your mind
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: than the thoughts that are negative. Be grateful about all
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: of the things that you do appreciate. You know, the
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: fact that you love to chop wood, the fact that
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: you love to be in the outdoors. You know, those
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: are all gifts. And just keep thinking about that, and
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: I think your conversation with yourself will start to change
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: just by you rehbituating yourself. Yeah. Also start putting all
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: of this on TikTok, because I follow like three people
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: on TikTok, and one of them is just like a
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: woman who was a homesteader, farmer lady, it's just chops wood.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: It's amazing a minute, people loveld it. Definitely. You have
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: an Instagram account, start with that. That's so funny. You
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: know this. This woman said to me my makeup artist
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: in New York. She's just doing my makeup yesterday and
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: she goes, I had this vision of you with a
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: female would chopper. I go, what, And now I'm talking
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: to you. I'm like, I go on my lesbian now
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: and she goes, I don't know, it was so weird.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe she's really yeah, it really was, but she meant romantically,
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: so I don't know. I mean, so that would be
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: a big leap from this podcast to us dating. But
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: you know, it's funny and maybe she is like happening.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: It's true. You're welcome to come chopping with us anyway.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: You know, just do those things, take them into account,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: and seriously, just start doing these little practices because they
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: make a difference in each person's life. And I can
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: attest to it. I've had major transformations just by really
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: listening to myself and trying to turn those negative thoughts
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: upside down. And you know, money couldn't have your whole
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: life to worry about that, so worry about your happiness first.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for calling in.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: Of course, let us know how everything goes. Okay, Well,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: nice to meet. Good luck with your TikTok account. Thanks
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: look out for that. Okay, bye bye bye. I love her.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: It's hard to tell somebody it's like, hey, become a dentist.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: It's hard to tell somebody like what to do when
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: they're in that situation without knowing that much about a person.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: But also, like twenty eight is that time in your
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: life where it's like, what the funk am I doing?
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: You know, lots of transitions. Yeah, well let's take a
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back to finish up
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: with Mandy and Chelsea. And we're back, Katherine, which career
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: when you were mentioning Mandy's career transition, which one were
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: you talking about? I know, Mandy you had mentioned before
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: you made the jump to this as us it was
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: like you were a sort of at your wits end.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Is that right? Yeah? I mean I was like in
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: a really toxic relationship and it's sort of made me
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: feel and my life feels so small, and I think
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: I had been working from such a young age and
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: feeling like I had let the machine sort of cool down,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: and trying to like start that back up again what
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: it felt impossible, and I felt like I just kept
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: hitting every wall, and I thought like maybe it was
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: the universe telling me, like you've had your time and
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: be grateful for it. Now it's time to move on
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: and figure out what you want to do next and
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: maybe go back to school. Made move back to Florida,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: and so I had a lot to kind of unpack
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: and fight through to sort of figure out and quiet,
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: like you said, sort of quiet the negativity and figure
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: out like how to just keep putting one ft in
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: front of the other. So it did feel like I'm
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: major point of transition in life. And isn't that so funny? Though?
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: It's so it's like the darkest before the dawn, and
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: then you get this huge show that is just like
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: a jug or not for a society, and and you
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: were in that situation thinking that way about yourself. Yeah,
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: it was like this, I'm no one likes me, I'm
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: not a good actor. I can't like I would audition
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: for things, and it was just like nothing was firing
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: on any cylinder whatsoever. And so it was difficult to
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: go sort of reckon with myself, like is this something
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: I'm even passionate about anymore? Am I really any good
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: at this? Like? Have I had my moment in the
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: sun and again just be grateful for it and sort
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: of bow out gracefully. There was like so many directions
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I sort of could have gone and and then lo
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: and behold, that particular job just sort of came into
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: my life and changed everything. But I think I also
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: had done a lot of the work in order for
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: that opportunity to sort of present itself. I can still
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: relate to that. I can still relate to all of
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: those feelings, and it's so important for us to talking
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: about that because people look at us like we have
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: all this success and all this you know, everyone's a
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: human being. Everybody has self doubt. Everybody thinks like, oh
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: my god, is it's my time in the sun over?
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Like I've had that exact thought at different parts of
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: my career so many times, going I guess that's just it,
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: and it's like no, when you know what your purposes
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: and you know what your purposes and you know Catherine,
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: what your purpose is, it's like you're never done. There
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: are just different phases to what is happening, and sometimes
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: it doesn't feel great or it doesn't feel but those
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: are usually just young thoughts that creep up and we
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: have these kinds of insecurities and then right before you
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: know it, you get another confirmation that you're exactly where
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: you're supposed to be and you're doing exactly what you're
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: meant to be doing. Yeah, And those moments of self doubt,
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: like I've come to realize, like those moments where just
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: the natural ebb and flow of life of like the
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: wave cresting and then falling back into it's all part
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: of it. Those moments of downtime can be used as
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: moments reflection and fuel you for the next ride wherever
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: you're going after you know what I mean, Like I
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: I've I've come to sort of try to view it,
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: I guess in that context. Yeah, my friend once said
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: something to me. There's a time for planting, and then
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: there's a time to harvest. Don't forget about the time
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: to plant, like that is as valuable asters Yeah, and
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: we get and when things get quiet, it's a it's
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: another growth spurt. But we don't always see it that
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: way until it's over and then we go, oh oh,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: so how much more powerful would it be to have
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: the growth spurt and know you're going through the growth spurt? Yeah? Well,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: as we wrap up, Mandy, is there any advice that
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Yes, I'd love
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: to hear both of you. I'm constantly asking myself this question,
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: But I wonder what advice you would have in terms
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: of what are some small ways that both of you
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: find to bring a little bit of extra joy into
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: your daily life. Well, I just started writing that grated
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: you thing every morning. My friend told me to do
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: it for twenty one days, and I've passed the twenty
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: one days. And now I got home last night and
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: I did it at night, and then I did it
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: again this morning. And I have to say that, like
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: my level of joy has increased significantly since I started
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: writing that list, and that's a new thing for me.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: But I am just joyful because when you have to
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: write what you're grateful for your I'm like my bed
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: room service, Like what am I? You run out of things?
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: But then it just it's a such a reflection of
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: how great things are, you know. And I guess maybe
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: since the election, everything seems a little bit more joyful,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: so maybe I'm giving credit to something, you know, like
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: that brings me like I'm so happy. I'm so happy
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: that this happened and it's looking like, you know, democracy
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: is still intact, and that makes me joyful. But I
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: really think this thing about reminding yourself what to be
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: grateful for, because when you write it every morning, you know,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: you kind of want to like differentiate, you could repeat yourself,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: but you know, makes you think about all the people
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: in your family, and it makes it all your friends
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: and all a little people in your life that not
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: little people but the people you don't see as much
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: or that play smaller roles in your life, you realize
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: how integral they are, you know, as instagral as the
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: people you spend more time with. So it's always just
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: a good reminder. And do you literally just write a
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: list or do you like elaborate I write could be like,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the dinner I had last night. I'm
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: grateful for my assistant Carla. I'm grateful for my bow.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful my sister had safe surgery. It's just like,
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: can be all over the I'm grateful that my special
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: is coming out on Netflix. You know, like it can
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: be materialistic, it can be a person. It could be
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful to be alive. I just yeah, I mean
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: I I used to kind of essue all of that
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff, and now I'm really knee deep in
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: all of it. And it shows, like I feel younger
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: and lighter and happier. What about you, Catherine, what brings
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: you joy? Well, this is something I've been doing lately
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: that feels very outside of the box for me because
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I'm an excellent cook, but I am a terrible baked.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: Like I know myself to be a bad baker. I
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: always forget to put on a timer or I don't
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: measure correctly. But I've decided to just do the easiest
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: possible version of baking. I just looked up what is
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: the easiest recipe for biscuits, and I've been making them,
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: and amazingly they've been turning out perfectly. So like once
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: a week, I've just been making biscuits and I feel
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: like the homemaker, like I can finally make So that's
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: something that's been just like small, and I like brings
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: me joy once a week. So I love both of
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: these things. Guys, I might incorporate like a chocolate chip
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: cookie instead of a bisk but I love that these
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: are both two very very concrete bits of advice in
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: terms of joy. I saw I read somewhere recently that
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: if you can just cook yourself one meal even a week,
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: just the act of cooking yourself the food and then
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: eating the food is an act of joyfulness. And I
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, and I'm like, you know, I do
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: get some satisfaction when I make myself scrambled eggs that
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: don't go you know, sideways, like or that start out
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: as over easy and then turn into scrambles anyway. Do
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: you do anything Mandy like that? Do you have a
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: practice like meditation or anything like that. I don't, but
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: hearing some of your advice today on the show, I
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: definitely want to be more active about incorporating that into
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: my my routine. Yeah, especially with two little babies, like
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: You've got to really have to exercise probably so much
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: patience I can imagine, and we have to for the
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: next eighteen year. Yeah, exactly. But I'm going to start
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: the gratitude journal and the gratitude journaling like that. Just
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: that feels like a very easy practice to start and
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: keep up. Awesome. Well, it was such a delight seeing
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: you spending some time with you. You're so beautiful inside
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: and out. Thanks you too, both of you. Thank you
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: so much. This was such a fantastic way to spend
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: an hour. I really appreciate it. Yeah, and I hope
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: to see you so than later. Mandy. I hope so
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: to thank you both. Have a good one. Thank you
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: to bye bye. If you are enjoying what you're hearing,
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast,
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: and you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference. Okay, Yeah,
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced by
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: by Brad Dickert.