Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / MOTHERHOOD IN FOCUS: Rachel Nicks On Choosing Joy & Supporting Black Mothers

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MOTHERHOOD IN FOCUS: Rachel Nicks On Choosing Joy & Supporting Black Mothers · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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Speaker 1: Because I love to pour out of my cup, I
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Speaker 1: know it needs to be a full cup, and so
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Speaker 1: I have to always make sure I'm good so that
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Speaker 1: I can give.
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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily ABOUDI here bringing you a special week
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Speaker 2: of content here on Hurdle. This week, I am chatting
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Speaker 2: all about motherhood. And although I'm not a mom just yet,
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Speaker 2: my talks with Hurdlers over the years have taught me
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Speaker 2: so much about this life chapter.
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Speaker 3: I've learned that motherhood itself is.
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Speaker 2: Both beautiful and challenging, exhausting and rewarding. And whether or
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Speaker 2: not children are in the cards for you, it's safe
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Speaker 2: to say that we've all been dramatically impacted by a mother,
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Speaker 2: whether it be our own or another in our lives.
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Speaker 2: So leading up to Mother's Day this weekend, I'm chatting
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Speaker 2: with six extraordinary women, some moms, some nod but each
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Speaker 2: with their own story to tell forever shaped by the
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Speaker 2: women that came before them. To kick things off, I
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Speaker 2: am bringing you my conversation with Rachel Nix. She's the
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Speaker 2: founder of a nonprofit called Birth Queen, founding mirror trainer, actor,
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Speaker 2: Lulemon ambassador, and a mother too. A lot of takeaways
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Speaker 2: here with Rachel, My biggest are that joy is just
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Speaker 2: so important and we have the conscious choice to choose
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Speaker 2: joy each and every day, and for Rachel, doing so
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Speaker 2: empowers her to be a better mother, to soak in
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Speaker 2: more moments and be more present with her boys, and
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Speaker 2: empowers her to show up at home and at work,
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Speaker 2: although for so many this year those two things have
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Speaker 2: been one and the same. Rachel also highlights the struggles
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Speaker 2: that she faces as a black mother, sharing some alarming
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Speaker 2: statistics that encouraged her to become both a dula and
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Speaker 2: lactation consultant as well as found birth. Queen Birth Been
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Speaker 2: aims to educate, support and empower Black women and parents,
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Speaker 2: enriching the black birth experience, and save lives through funding
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Speaker 2: trainings for doulas, midwives, and Lactasian consulance. Now, before I
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Speaker 2: As always, make sure you're keeping up with Hurdle on
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Speaker 2: and with that, let's get to hurdling.
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Speaker 1: Today.
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Speaker 3: I am chatting with Rachel Nix.
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Speaker 2: She is a New York City lit Lemon ambassador, founder
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Speaker 2: of birth Queen, mirror, trainer, actor, so many things.
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Speaker 3: How are you doing today?
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Speaker 1: I'm good. I am battling allergies, but I got to
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Speaker 1: work out in and I'm feeling better. I'm still like
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Speaker 1: sounding nasally, but I feel like when you sound the worst,
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Speaker 1: you are starting to feel better, which I'm here.
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Speaker 3: For Here for that too. I'm here for that too.
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Speaker 2: And I saw in your story last night on Instagram
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Speaker 2: trying to sleep with two kids at home is an
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Speaker 2: extreme sport.
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Speaker 1: What time was that?
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Speaker 3: That was that?
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Speaker 1: Actually I think it was already almost five am, but
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Speaker 1: I don't know. Time is interesting also when you're a parent.
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Speaker 1: But I'm breastfeeding right now and so I'm not really
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Speaker 1: I'm not a sleep training mom. I just don't have
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Speaker 1: the heart for it. And my oldest. He's a scorpio.
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Speaker 1: So if anybody knows anything about scorpios, they like physical touch.
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Speaker 1: And so that's Samuel. And he is the best big
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Speaker 1: brother ever. So he knows his baby brother's in bed
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Speaker 1: with us, and it's really not about him trying to
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Speaker 1: get in bed with us. He wants to cuddle his
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Speaker 1: little brother. It's the cutest thing on the planet. Baldwin's cool,
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Speaker 1: like he doesn't need to be held, but he needs
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Speaker 1: like the booby, like in a certain distance from his
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Speaker 1: face or his face in my armpit. And so if
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Speaker 1: I literally turn my back to him, he's like and asleep.
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Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, can I just can I give a second? Nah? Okay? Cool?
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Speaker 1: And then they are like both trying to scoop closer
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Speaker 1: to one another and closer to me, and I'm literally like,
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Speaker 1: we have like a platform on our bed, so I
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Speaker 1: usually have like a hand or a knee holding myself
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Speaker 1: in the king bed. It's it's hilarious and I just laugh.
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Speaker 1: And then of course, like I'll have a mom where
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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna put Baldwin in his crib and
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Speaker 1: then here comes Samuel from his room and then he Wakes.
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Speaker 1: You know, it's funny, the.
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Speaker 3: Whole thing, the whole thing.
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Speaker 2: I love both of their names, but I really love
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Speaker 2: the name Baldwin.
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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you.
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Speaker 3: What's the what's the root for that?
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Speaker 1: James Baldwin? I mean, I had Baldwin September twenty eighth,
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Speaker 1: twenty twenty, and the thick of that year, I'm like,
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Speaker 1: what is the adjective to describe, you know, and to
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Speaker 1: keep it light, but keep it real. Like I my
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Speaker 1: whole third trimester, I was having anxiety attacks with just
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Speaker 1: everything that was going on in our country and the world, honestly,
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Speaker 1: and knowing that I was bringing another black man into
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Speaker 1: this world was very beautiful and very scary, and we
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Speaker 1: were We knew Samuel otis Lyons the fourth. His older
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Speaker 1: brother has a very strong name, so we always knew
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Speaker 1: we had to lie come with the name that could
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Speaker 1: like level, you know, meet that same strength of his
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Speaker 1: brother's name. And so my husband knew he wanted his
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Speaker 1: middle name to be my maiden name, which is Nicks.
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Speaker 1: His name was Baldwin, Nicks, Lyons and Porter was on
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Speaker 1: the table and it was first in line. But I
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Speaker 1: knew my mommy gut was like it's not his name. Uh.
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Speaker 1: And I was sitting very pregnant on the couch one
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Speaker 1: day and I was like, it's Baldwin. And I just
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Speaker 1: love everything that James Baldwin represents, from his courage, to
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Speaker 1: his artistry, to his you know, sexuality, and his openness
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Speaker 1: and confidence with that during that time. I'm also an artist,
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Speaker 1: so I just I was here for it and it
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Speaker 1: fit and it's strong, but not like hard hitting, so yeah,
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Speaker 1: and it fits him. So my little Baldwin and my
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Speaker 1: little Samuel.
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Speaker 2: You just mentioned having Baldwin during COVID and obviously an
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Speaker 2: unbelievable time or maybe I guess depending on where you're
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Speaker 2: going from for our country.
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Speaker 1: Uh.
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Speaker 2: I would be interested if you have anything to highlight
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Speaker 2: about your experience, more so being pregnant during COVID, because
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Speaker 2: I think a lot of women and moms who had
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Speaker 2: their baby in some like a complete pregnancy during that
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Speaker 2: time last year.
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Speaker 3: It was just kind of unlike anything before.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I was blessed that it was my
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Speaker 1: second child, and I don't know if it was my
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Speaker 1: faith or just the fact that I had to be
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Speaker 1: his mama, you know, and I needed to hold it
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Speaker 1: down for Samuel. And this unborn baby. That COVID did
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Speaker 1: not shake me from my center. So when I was
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Speaker 1: struck off balance, it wasn't because of COVID, because I
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Speaker 1: was like, I know what the facts are. I will
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Speaker 1: do my part to protect my child and my born
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Speaker 1: child and myself and my immediate family, and that's just
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Speaker 1: what I can do. And so that didn't produce anxiety
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Speaker 1: for me. I knew, because I have very arduous labors,
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Speaker 1: that I would not be wearing a mask while laboring.
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Speaker 1: So I was like, everybody else can mask up, but
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Speaker 1: I will not be with a mask, And so the
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Speaker 1: vaccine would just hit hospital and essential workers as I
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Speaker 1: gave birth. Yeah, So I think my faith got me
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Speaker 1: through that and I was okay. I steered away from
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Speaker 1: like constantly watching the news every morning. Yeah, you know,
9:39
Speaker 1: but it is what it is like. You can't control it.
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Speaker 1: And I part of motherhood and I tell people all
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Speaker 1: the time, when you let go of control period in life,
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Speaker 1: it's more enjoyable. And if you're constantly trying to control
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Speaker 1: uncontrollable variables, life is a lot more stressful. So I
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Speaker 1: just kind of was like, yeah, you gotta just do
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Speaker 1: what you can and keep it pushing.
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Speaker 3: I also feel like I mean mother or not.
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Speaker 2: A lot of people took that approach to a lot
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Speaker 2: of the last year, at least as time went on,
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Speaker 2: it was like, I cannot sit in this home for
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Speaker 2: the upteenth day and have all this anxiety about something
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Speaker 2: that I couldn't control. And there were things that I
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Speaker 2: changed in my routine that made a huge difference, similar
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Speaker 2: to you not watching the news in the morning, and
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Speaker 2: I do not have any little ones running around, but
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Speaker 2: I stopped setting an alarm in the morning just because
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Speaker 2: there were small things that I knew that would help
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Speaker 2: me give back to my mental health.
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Speaker 3: And just like the status quo, at.
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Speaker 1: Least to start things off, getting outside was huge for me.
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Speaker 1: So I made a point even if I felt tired
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Speaker 1: or whatever. But immediately when I because we went out
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Speaker 1: to California May fourteenth, and Governor Newsom shut everything down
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Speaker 1: the next day, like we left New York, we got
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Speaker 1: to Oakland and literally CALLI shit down, and I ended
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Speaker 1: up staying, making the decision to stay in Cali and
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Speaker 1: have Baldwin there, and we didn't come back to New
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Speaker 1: York until January twenty eighth, So I was literally I
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Speaker 1: learned a lot for many reasons, but for our particular situation.
11:15
Speaker 1: I left with two weeks worth of suit luggage and
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Speaker 1: I came back with a whole human you know what
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Speaker 1: I mean. So I realized there's very little that you
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Speaker 1: need outside of your peace of mind and your happiness
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Speaker 1: and your health. And I think people now are realizing
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Speaker 1: your mental health is a part of your health. And
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Speaker 1: a lot of people had to look in the mirror
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Speaker 1: and deal with things that a busy lifestyle could help
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Speaker 1: you kind of ignore. And so for me, I know,
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Speaker 1: I'm like a fitness instructor, and I think the first
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Speaker 1: focus for people is esthetics, and the physical for me
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Speaker 1: is number three. Like it's it is absolutely your mental
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Speaker 1: and that's how I got into this career path. It's
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Speaker 1: your wealth being inside. And then I think people forget
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Speaker 1: to ask themselves how they're feeling. Like the movement you
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Speaker 1: choose should make you feel good. It shouldn't be I'm
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Speaker 1: gonna do eighty burpies until I can't walk and I
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Speaker 1: don't feel good. Hard to the point of incapacitating yourself
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Speaker 1: is not effective or healthy. And then yeah, when you
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Speaker 1: look at the mirror and you like what you see,
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Speaker 1: that keeps you coming back to the movement. But that
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Speaker 1: shouldn't be your first goal in my opinion, because to me,
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Speaker 1: that's where all the negative self talk comes. When you
12:37
Speaker 1: don't hit those random numbers or sizes or comparisons to
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Speaker 1: other people and all that kind of stuff. When you
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Speaker 1: feel good, you feel good, you know, and that that's
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Speaker 1: all that matters.
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Speaker 2: That's all that matters. Well, you mentioned the buzzword mirror.
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Speaker 2: You also obviously start to talk about fitness when you
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Speaker 2: identify yourself or you introduce yourself to someone. What are
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Speaker 2: usually like the first things that you say about yourself?
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Speaker 1: I know, because I do just about eight things I say,
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Speaker 1: you know, I usually say where I'm from, So I
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Speaker 1: say Hi, I'm Rachel Nix. I am from Oakland, California.
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Speaker 1: I reside in Harlem in New York City. I am
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Speaker 1: an actor, I am a trainer at MIR. I am
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Speaker 1: a doula, a lactation counselor, a mother of two. And
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Speaker 1: that's usually my list. But now I'm a founder of
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Speaker 1: a nonprofit. So that's kind of like kind of fun
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Speaker 1: to put first, like, but it's a beautiful thing and
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Speaker 1: I really feel like I'm walking in my purpose in something,
13:39
Speaker 1: I birthed my baby girl. So I have two amazing
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Speaker 1: little boys, and now I've given birth to a baby
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Speaker 1: girl and her name is birth Queen. And something about
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Speaker 1: me is I'm a doer and I am always going
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Speaker 1: to tell you I'm fine even when I'm not, because
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Speaker 1: I know I will be. That's just the choice. That's
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Speaker 1: how I live my life. And so this year was
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Speaker 1: not fine. Being petrified to possibly lose my black sons
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Speaker 1: for the rest of my life is not fun. I
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Speaker 1: had a vision in September to collect black birth stories
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Speaker 1: to just the artist in me was like, maybe if
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Speaker 1: people just see us right, they'll see us and our
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Speaker 1: humanity and our oneness and similarity and value that. And
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Speaker 1: that morphed into out of my anxiety attacks this summer
14:29
Speaker 1: from being pregnant to me deciding that I want to
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Speaker 1: tackle the black maternal health crisis. So if people are
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Speaker 1: not aware, Black women diet three to five times the
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Speaker 1: rate during childbirth and twelve times the rate in New
14:43
Speaker 1: York City compared to their white counterparts. Our babies are
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Speaker 1: twice as likely to not make their first birthday. Our
14:50
Speaker 1: breastfeeding rates are lower, our miscarriage rates are higher. You know,
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Speaker 1: and it's all connected to racism. We know that is
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Speaker 1: why we are not broken. The system is broken, and
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Speaker 1: so it can sound very hope less and an insurmountable
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Speaker 1: crisis that it'll just kind of make you throw your
15:11
Speaker 1: hands up, and instead of doing that, I'm like, let
15:14
Speaker 1: me get my hands dirty and fix it. So I
15:18
Speaker 1: am a do lie. I am a lactation counselor, a trainer,
15:20
Speaker 1: a mother, and also an actor. Right, So I have
15:23
Speaker 1: this interesting multidisciplinary skill set and I just feel like, fine,
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Speaker 1: let me call upon everybody I know to pool resources
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Speaker 1: and raise money to disseminate it to pre existing organizations
15:37
Speaker 1: doing the work to provide black mothers with education and support,
15:41
Speaker 1: and to also give money and provide opportunities for more
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Speaker 1: black birth workers to be educated, trained and implemented into
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Speaker 1: the field, because we know when you put those two together,
15:52
Speaker 1: lives will not only be saved, but they'll be able
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Speaker 1: to thrive as opposed to I'm going to fix racism
15:57
Speaker 1: or the system. Right. That's going to say a little
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Speaker 1: bit longer, I.
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Speaker 2: Guess, but it's still so impressive to hear you say
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Speaker 2: the words. Well, like I decided that I was going
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Speaker 2: to do something about the black maternal health crisis.
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Speaker 3: Like that sounds a little bit that's you know, I mean,
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Speaker 3: not that, not that.
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Speaker 2: That is like a small hurdle to jump over, and
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Speaker 2: that's so admirable and a testament to your passion, to
16:21
Speaker 2: your tenacity, and to how much it means to you
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Speaker 2: as a black mother.
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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I mean, at this point, I think people
16:30
Speaker 1: need to hear this and maybe it will help them.
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Speaker 1: These two things. One every black woman I know is
16:37
Speaker 1: questioning motherhood because they're afraid they're gonna die. Then we
16:42
Speaker 1: have our babies, say say mom and baby survive, then
16:46
Speaker 1: we're afraid you're going to kill them. The cops are
16:49
Speaker 1: going to kill them for the rest of our lives.
16:52
Speaker 1: So there's this constant state of trauma that we exist
16:55
Speaker 1: in and we have to get used to it as
16:58
Speaker 1: black people to vibe. But I'm very interested in not
17:03
Speaker 1: a lack mindset or a survival mindset for black people anymore,
17:08
Speaker 1: but that of joy and abundance. We are our ancestors
17:12
Speaker 1: are from Africa, the most abundant continent. Kings, queens, you know, jewels,
17:18
Speaker 1: every amazing resource you could think of, that's what we
17:22
Speaker 1: come from. And so reconnecting to that in the midst
17:26
Speaker 1: of all of this pain and racism and all of
17:30
Speaker 1: those things. But what you can do is choose joy.
17:33
Speaker 1: And so if somebody asked me, like, how do you
17:36
Speaker 1: do all that you do? I make a choice to
17:39
Speaker 1: choose joy. That's it. It's not always easy, it's not
17:43
Speaker 1: it's a choice. It's like you don't always want to
17:46
Speaker 1: go to school, you don't always want to go to work,
17:48
Speaker 1: don't always want to pay your bills. But it's some
17:51
Speaker 1: things you just have to do. So your mindset, right,
17:54
Speaker 1: is the same thing. You might not always want to
17:57
Speaker 1: do it, just do it. I just kind of like
18:00
Speaker 1: the row the spaghetti and see what sticks and then
18:02
Speaker 1: the stuff that falls. I'm like, I guess it wasn't
18:04
Speaker 1: meant to be.
18:07
Speaker 3: I love that for you.
18:08
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna work on picking up the spaghetti mentality.
18:12
Speaker 2: So then, naturally, for me, my next question to you is,
18:14
Speaker 2: aside from your boys, what brings you joy?
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Speaker 1: I love to travel, I love wine, I love life,
18:25
Speaker 1: So what does that look like for me? Connecting to people?
18:29
Speaker 1: So the actor in me loves humans and their stories.
18:34
Speaker 1: So this was hard for me to be disconnected from people.
18:39
Speaker 1: I love to cook and have people over and host
18:43
Speaker 1: I've traveled quite a bit around the world and been
18:46
Speaker 1: very blessed to do that. It's I think it's like
18:49
Speaker 1: the real the intangibles of life and the real simple things.
18:54
Speaker 1: Stuff is not my happy I mean, you know, do
18:58
Speaker 1: I like nice things? Sure? But self care is an experience.
19:03
Speaker 1: So what does that look like for me? Like I
19:05
Speaker 1: committed to making sure I have a trainer so that
19:08
Speaker 1: I can be Rachel and have adult conversation and take
19:11
Speaker 1: care of Rachel. So because I love to pour out
19:15
Speaker 1: of my cup, I know it needs to be a
19:17
Speaker 1: full cup, and so I have to always make sure
19:21
Speaker 1: I'm good so that I can give and give endlessly
19:25
Speaker 1: and giving and helping people truly. Like one day my
19:28
Speaker 1: dad might make my dad sound like an asshole, but
19:30
Speaker 1: one day I was crossing the street in New York City.
19:33
Speaker 1: I don't know, I probably was like, and now I'm
19:35
Speaker 1: gonna be a doula and then I'm gonna do this,
19:36
Speaker 1: and then I'm you know, and he's like, why do
19:38
Speaker 1: you like to help people so much? And that kind
19:42
Speaker 1: of sums me up. I just really love to help
19:44
Speaker 1: people and it makes me, It makes me really happy
19:49
Speaker 1: to help people and love on people. So I think
19:51
Speaker 1: if I had to give you one thing, that was
19:53
Speaker 1: like eighty five.
19:54
Speaker 2: But there's well, I mean the reason before why I
19:58
Speaker 2: asked you the question like how do you introduce yourself?
20:01
Speaker 3: Like where where are you coming from?
20:03
Speaker 2: When you get asked that question is because I think
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Speaker 2: from the mom pov.
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Speaker 3: Some others are like, I'm a mother.
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Speaker 2: Other mothers like may leave that out at the front,
20:15
Speaker 2: and I think that that's something as someone who is
20:18
Speaker 2: not yet a mother, I'm so interested in that because
20:21
Speaker 2: I don't think necessarily and again I'm not a mom yet,
20:24
Speaker 2: but I don't.
20:25
Speaker 3: Necessarily think one is right or wrong.
20:27
Speaker 2: But I do think it's really interesting to see, you know,
20:30
Speaker 2: where women are coming from with their sense of identity,
20:33
Speaker 2: because I think it's so important to as you just said,
20:37
Speaker 2: take care of Rachel, like start with Rachel so that
20:41
Speaker 2: you can then.
20:42
Speaker 3: Be a mom.
20:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, and hence the title birth queen of my nonprofit
20:50
Speaker 1: Women are Magic. Right when you become a mother, that
20:54
Speaker 1: you are sitting at the helm, you're a queen. Very
20:57
Speaker 1: rarely do we feel that way, but it is imperative
21:00
Speaker 1: that we take care of ourselves, just as a queen
21:04
Speaker 1: delegate whatever you need to do but self care. And
21:09
Speaker 1: it can be your nails, it can be your eyebrows,
21:11
Speaker 1: your hair, but it also needs to be a pelvic
21:14
Speaker 1: floor therapist or acupuncture or mental therapy, whatever you need
21:20
Speaker 1: to be good as you, because you were you before
21:24
Speaker 1: you were mom, wife, partner, employee, brother, sister. Who are you?
21:30
Speaker 1: And I think many of us, mother or not struggle
21:33
Speaker 1: with even figuring that out. And I think we've been
21:37
Speaker 1: sold in our society that it's an arrival, like you
21:41
Speaker 1: just kind of arrive at who you are and then
21:42
Speaker 1: it stops. And I'm a lover of learning. I love
21:46
Speaker 1: to stretch and grow and keep climbing, you know, to me,
21:50
Speaker 1: if you stop, you die, like figuratively, And it's just
21:55
Speaker 1: like keep pushing. My godfather's eighty and he's still you know,
21:59
Speaker 1: like maybe I'll take a day off work. Is he retired, Yes,
22:03
Speaker 1: But there's all he craves and thrives off of life
22:08
Speaker 1: and change and giving and creating. And I see myself
22:13
Speaker 1: absolutely in him. And I think we put limitations on
22:16
Speaker 1: ourselves and we go into overdrive, typically as mom, so
22:21
Speaker 1: it's always about everybody else, and that quickly is not
22:26
Speaker 1: a fun place to be and it's okay to step
22:31
Speaker 1: away from that and you need to. And it's not
22:33
Speaker 1: about working or non working mom. And I want to
22:36
Speaker 1: make that clear because many non working moms feel that
22:41
Speaker 1: they don't deserve to step out of the home and
22:45
Speaker 1: have self care because they may not contribute financially. And
22:49
Speaker 1: that is crazy, Like being a non twenty four to
22:53
Speaker 1: seven mom is that is no joke. That's amazing work
22:57
Speaker 1: that I am not here to do. I had to
23:01
Speaker 1: do during quarantine and I was like, yo, I need
23:04
Speaker 1: to go to work. This is right. I mean to
23:07
Speaker 1: be pregnant with a toddler and still working remotely during quarantine.
23:12
Speaker 1: I was like no, and I couldn't have a wine.
23:15
Speaker 1: It was rude. It was really rude. It was so rude.
23:19
Speaker 2: Rude. You mentioned for you one of the simple joys
23:22
Speaker 2: having your own trainer.
23:24
Speaker 3: For many you are their trainer.
23:27
Speaker 2: Talk to me before I get into some mom eccentric
23:30
Speaker 2: questions about your journey to getting into fitness, because I
23:34
Speaker 2: know that you went to Juilliard, studied acting and have
23:37
Speaker 2: had just so many different beautiful chapters of your story.
23:40
Speaker 2: So talk to me about Rachel, who works at the Mirror.
23:44
Speaker 1: Fitness has been a part of my life since forever. Right,
23:47
Speaker 1: I think it's fair to say I'm a fast moving personality.
23:51
Speaker 1: But I began gymnastics at the age of two. I
23:54
Speaker 1: played soccer for eight years, basketball for five, volleyball for three.
23:58
Speaker 1: So movement and sports was my foundation. And then, you know,
24:02
Speaker 1: leadership acting started to creep in in like middle school,
24:07
Speaker 1: in high school, and then I had to make a
24:09
Speaker 1: decision and Juilliard happened, and I was like, uh, nobody
24:13
Speaker 1: was expecting that, so cause I was pretty you know,
24:16
Speaker 1: I'm a nerd, so I was thinking, like, you know, Columbia, Stanford, UCLA,
24:21
Speaker 1: and YU. And then when Juilliard called, I was like, uh, okay,
24:26
Speaker 1: I didn't think that was possible, but here we go,
24:29
Speaker 1: and so I dove head first. And then you know,
24:32
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, what next. You don't want me waiting
24:35
Speaker 1: your table. So I started taking a lot of yoga
24:39
Speaker 1: after college. I ended up being in a very unhealthy
24:42
Speaker 1: relationship and I realized it was sustaining me after I
24:48
Speaker 1: did my training, so I was really curious about it.
24:50
Speaker 1: I did the training just to learn more about the philosophy.
24:52
Speaker 1: That's you know, the nerd in me was like, what
24:54
Speaker 1: is this thing? I want to learn more? And when
24:56
Speaker 1: I started teaching, I was like, whoa, It just like
24:59
Speaker 1: blew my mind. I was like, I get the same
25:02
Speaker 1: joy from teaching in a classroom that I do from
25:04
Speaker 1: being on stage or whatever. And so I loved it
25:09
Speaker 1: and then I just went on from there. It gave
25:11
Speaker 1: me the strength to leave an unhealthy relationship and then
25:15
Speaker 1: I just certified in all the things. I was in LA,
25:18
Speaker 1: between Dallas and LA at the time, I decided to
25:21
Speaker 1: move back to New York because I was my happy
25:24
Speaker 1: place and a whole career was born. I was able
25:28
Speaker 1: to gain my independence, my confidence, my physical strength, my
25:32
Speaker 1: mental and emotional strength from it. So it's also has
25:36
Speaker 1: a big a lot to do with my approach to
25:39
Speaker 1: fitness right and the mental peace and the confidence and
25:42
Speaker 1: self love peace. And so mirror happened when I was
25:48
Speaker 1: very pregnant with Samuel. That morning I cried to my husband, like,
25:52
Speaker 1: how the hell are we going to have a baby
25:54
Speaker 1: in New York City? And that night at nine o'clock,
25:58
Speaker 1: it was six thirty in the morning when I cried
25:59
Speaker 1: it at nine pm, I got an email from her
26:03
Speaker 1: and the rest is history. I had my son a
26:06
Speaker 1: month after that, but I signed within like a week
26:09
Speaker 1: or two. I actually had Samuel on the same day
26:13
Speaker 1: as my founder's son. They're a year apart, so I
26:15
Speaker 1: figured that was a good omen. After thirty three hours
26:20
Speaker 1: of labor, I was like, oh, you and George just
26:22
Speaker 1: wanted the same birthday. Got it. Mommy made the right choice.
26:26
Speaker 1: And that has just been a dream, you know, during
26:29
Speaker 1: my fintess career, I became a doula years before becoming
26:33
Speaker 1: a mom. I've been adula like eight years, and then
26:36
Speaker 1: I got my lactation training right before I had Samuel.
26:40
Speaker 1: And I'm just able to help women around the country,
26:43
Speaker 1: little bit of around the world. It'll be more so
26:46
Speaker 1: as we expand, and I have a niche on there
26:50
Speaker 1: of pre and post natal fitness that I'm very proud of.
26:55
Speaker 1: And I'm really helping women and creating community and support
26:59
Speaker 1: and confidence and empowerment. And yes, my nonprofit is tackling
27:04
Speaker 1: a maternal health crisis for black women, but I know
27:07
Speaker 1: that every day my work empowers every woman and I'm
27:12
Speaker 1: really really very proud of that.
27:15
Speaker 2: As you have continued on your journey and motherhood two sons, now,
27:21
Speaker 2: I'm sure you have accumulated many tidbits of advice if
27:28
Speaker 2: you had to think about and I know, like, please,
27:31
Speaker 2: so many tidbits that picking one is probably absolutely impossible.
27:35
Speaker 2: But if you had to reflect on something that you
27:37
Speaker 2: continually go back to a piece of advice that someone
27:40
Speaker 2: offered you, what is that piece of advice?
27:43
Speaker 1: Okay, so that is one thing. My mother always said,
27:46
Speaker 1: it's your body and your baby, so only you know
27:49
Speaker 1: what's best for your body and your baby. I live
27:51
Speaker 1: and die by that. So your pregnancy, your birth, and
27:55
Speaker 1: your mother ing, trust your instincts. Don't let anybody take
27:59
Speaker 1: your power. So that's one ode to mommy. The other is,
28:05
Speaker 1: if I had to hashtag it, it's beautiful chaos and
28:10
Speaker 1: it's coming full circle too. And it gives me chills
28:12
Speaker 1: as I say that, when you fit those moments when
28:15
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, the house is a fucking
28:17
Speaker 1: mess and this is not done at all, and you
28:20
Speaker 1: get there like I choose joy and I have my wine, y'all,
28:22
Speaker 1: but I'm still like, my house is a fucking mess
28:24
Speaker 1: and this shit is driving me crazy. My husband's on
28:26
Speaker 1: my nerves. Every ragget on my nerves. Okay, there's nerf
28:29
Speaker 1: guns everywhere and darts everywhere and baby toys that barked
28:33
Speaker 1: over my apartment, like it's just like all the things,
28:35
Speaker 1: and especially during this year, right because you get no
28:38
Speaker 1: break and then it's like, oh, time for another meal
28:41
Speaker 1: and more dishes. So those moments you know that the
28:44
Speaker 1: toddler spills something and set everybody's screaming, you just have
28:47
Speaker 1: to stop and watch and say it's okay. As silly
28:55
Speaker 1: as it might sound, go back to what I said,
28:58
Speaker 1: choose joy, especially in those moments where it's a hot mess, Like, truly,
29:04
Speaker 1: if everyone is alive, you will get through the insane moment.
29:11
Speaker 1: Morning's gonna come, the tantrum's gonna end, You'll clean up
29:16
Speaker 1: the mess. Eventually, it's okay. And whose standards are you
29:22
Speaker 1: living by? They're yours. You're putting that stress on yourself.
29:27
Speaker 1: Nobody's outside your house stress, you know, judging you, and
29:31
Speaker 1: if they are, they're whack. You know it's okay. Everything
29:35
Speaker 1: doesn't have to look perfect for your friends, or for
29:37
Speaker 1: the gram or for none of that. And I make
29:40
Speaker 1: conscious decisions not to show perfection because that's shit. It's
29:43
Speaker 1: not real. And I'm cursing because I need people to
29:46
Speaker 1: understand we have to stop putting these crazy expectations on ourselves,
29:51
Speaker 1: especially as women. There's only so much time in a day.
29:55
Speaker 1: So enjoy your babies. Enjoy them because you blink and
29:59
Speaker 1: like they're big, and like they don't care about a
30:02
Speaker 1: clean living room or sink empty. Like they don't care.
30:06
Speaker 1: You know, they think it's fun that they poured all
30:09
Speaker 1: their water out and now it's spilling through the table
30:11
Speaker 1: and down the chair like it's a science experiment. You're like, great,
30:18
Speaker 1: So yeah, just enjoy the crazy, the beautiful chaos.
30:21
Speaker 2: Has mothering changed your perspective on a lot or do
30:25
Speaker 2: you feel that some of you know the lessons that
30:28
Speaker 2: you're sharing with us today, which many of them I've
30:31
Speaker 2: even reiterated, like, are so relevant across the board. Do
30:35
Speaker 2: you feel like you had this approach to life before
30:37
Speaker 2: or has being a mom really shifted your perspective?
30:40
Speaker 1: No, it's just made me, uh dig deeper. Is that
30:44
Speaker 1: the proper probably way to describe it. I had my
30:47
Speaker 1: values in my morals. I think when you're younger, you're like,
30:51
Speaker 1: I was clear who I was, But then you know,
30:56
Speaker 1: not everybody likes that, so you kind of second guess
30:58
Speaker 1: yourself here and there along the way and now I just,
31:02
Speaker 1: I just I have full confidence in everything I do
31:06
Speaker 1: for my boys. I'll apologize if I lose my temper
31:09
Speaker 1: or I messed something up, or I have a relationship
31:14
Speaker 1: with him. And I also made the decision to tell
31:17
Speaker 1: him the truth. I remember I was disappointed about and
31:22
Speaker 1: not being able to audition for something one day and
31:24
Speaker 1: it hit me and I started crying, and he was
31:27
Speaker 1: like he was almost two, I think, and he whipped
31:32
Speaker 1: his head around in the stroller and we were in
31:33
Speaker 1: the hallway, and I like, I immediately shut down, like
31:36
Speaker 1: and decided to lie to him. But I questioned that,
31:42
Speaker 1: and I was like, why would I lie to my child,
31:45
Speaker 1: Like I'm not okay, I'm sad, and that's okay. And
31:50
Speaker 1: so I've created I think absolutely God made Samuel who
31:56
Speaker 1: he is, but I have some pardon that and he
32:02
Speaker 1: is the most empathetic little three year old I've ever
32:06
Speaker 1: met in my life. And I'm really really proud of that,
32:09
Speaker 1: and that's going to take him far. And I prayed
32:12
Speaker 1: when I was pregnant for a healthy, happy, and kind
32:19
Speaker 1: human being because with all the you know, I got
32:21
Speaker 1: pregnant during the election, the first you know, the last one,
32:25
Speaker 1: and then I was pregnant again during this one, and
32:29
Speaker 1: I just wanted a nice person. All this venom has
32:33
Speaker 1: come out and anger and hatred and I don't understand hate,
32:37
Speaker 1: and I want children that are loving, accepting and empathetic
32:41
Speaker 1: human beings, and I absolutely have that with Samuel. And
32:44
Speaker 1: Baldwin is just like the happiest little almost seven month
32:48
Speaker 1: old tomorrow that you know you've probably ever met, with
32:51
Speaker 1: his little thick thighs. So he's amazing. But yeah, I don't,
32:56
Speaker 1: I haven't, I've I am still who I am. I
33:02
Speaker 1: have allowed myself to question ways in which maybe I
33:06
Speaker 1: was parented, or people in general parent because it's like, wait,
33:12
Speaker 1: why why do we do that? I think it's more
33:14
Speaker 1: of that, like why would I lie to my son
33:17
Speaker 1: and say I'm happy if I'm sad, because it actually
33:20
Speaker 1: his you know, science proves it messes with, you know,
33:23
Speaker 1: their intuition. If they're feeling that there that their mom
33:27
Speaker 1: is sad and their mom's like, no, I'm not sad,
33:29
Speaker 1: then they're like, oh, okay, what something's off and that
33:34
Speaker 1: affects them too, not for good. I'm very blessed not
33:37
Speaker 1: to deal with guilt, not to deal with anxiety or
33:42
Speaker 1: questioning myself. I think it's just because I just am
33:46
Speaker 1: doing my best and that that's all I can do.
33:49
Speaker 1: And it's not about being perfect. And I think if
33:52
Speaker 1: we reach for perfection, that's a very it's just not
33:56
Speaker 1: it's not a fun existence because it doesn't exist. So
34:00
Speaker 1: if you reach for growth, if you reach for challenge,
34:03
Speaker 1: if you reach for honesty and joy, then that you
34:07
Speaker 1: can deal with. But this idea of perfection, then you're
34:10
Speaker 1: always going to feel disappointed or wrong or whatever.
34:13
Speaker 2: And one day your definition of perfection is going to
34:16
Speaker 2: be different than the next day. Right, So right constantly
34:20
Speaker 2: chasing this thing that is not clearly defined, then what
34:24
Speaker 2: an exhausting life that is when you can find happiness
34:27
Speaker 2: and contentment with the beautiful things that are already in
34:30
Speaker 2: existence in what you have going on.
34:33
Speaker 1: Correct, And another little thing I've said along the years
34:36
Speaker 1: is like always leaving space on your plate to receive
34:39
Speaker 1: blessings and to see and hear what universe or spirit
34:43
Speaker 1: is giving or bringing to you. Which also when you
34:46
Speaker 1: deal in mothering motherhood, being able to be present, it's
34:52
Speaker 1: very difficult because there's always something you need to do
34:56
Speaker 1: or isn't getting done, and so just like sitting and
35:00
Speaker 1: doing the puzzle or you know, playing catch or whatever
35:05
Speaker 1: it is, and that's it, you know. I think if
35:07
Speaker 1: we all get better at doing one thing at a time,
35:10
Speaker 1: you're able to enjoy that thing.
35:12
Speaker 2: You mentioned empathy before as a value that you're really
35:16
Speaker 2: happy that you're passing along to your children. When you
35:19
Speaker 2: think about other values of yours, what of those are
35:23
Speaker 2: you excited to instill in your voice as they get older?
35:29
Speaker 1: What's big right now? Top of mind is emotional wellbeing.
35:35
Speaker 1: Being able to communicate your feelings. Being able to identify
35:39
Speaker 1: and communicate feelings very big on that. I know I'm
35:42
Speaker 1: a pistas and an actor, but that helps you in
35:47
Speaker 1: relationship with others and with yourself. If you don't know
35:51
Speaker 1: what's going on with you, you can't help yourself and
35:54
Speaker 1: nobody else can either. And so give you example. We're
36:01
Speaker 1: at Target. He told me that he needed a new
36:03
Speaker 1: remote control car and he believed that Target would have
36:08
Speaker 1: the car, so we should go to Target, Mommy, and
36:10
Speaker 1: I said, okay, Samuel, let's go to Target. And we're trying.
36:14
Speaker 1: I'm trying to teach him, excuse me, right, So he
36:18
Speaker 1: gets it, but he's like, so say we were talking.
36:20
Speaker 1: He's like, excuse me, may Ma b You're like, okay,
36:24
Speaker 1: well hold on, So he doesn't quite understand excuse me
36:29
Speaker 1: means okay, then I would take a breath and have
36:31
Speaker 1: to be patient and let that person finish their thought
36:34
Speaker 1: and then they'll respond to me. And I like, didn't
36:37
Speaker 1: get my feathers ruffled and I had baldwood and everything
36:41
Speaker 1: when I loved him. And I was like, honey, we
36:43
Speaker 1: mommy didn't get a chance to finish her thought. And
36:46
Speaker 1: I heard you, but remember what we said. You say,
36:48
Speaker 1: excuse me, and then you have to allow someone to
36:50
Speaker 1: finish their thought and then they can communicate with you.
36:53
Speaker 1: What is it that you need? And the guy was like, wow,
36:57
Speaker 1: I hope when I have kids one day I can
36:59
Speaker 1: stay that calm and make it that clear to them.
37:02
Speaker 1: And I said, well, it's like he just wants something
37:05
Speaker 1: from me, and if why would you not want it?
37:07
Speaker 2: Now?
37:08
Speaker 1: Like I have to teach him that and it's okay,
37:11
Speaker 1: Like yes, he screamed, yes people heard him scream. Does
37:15
Speaker 1: that make him a horrible human? Does that make me
37:17
Speaker 1: a horrible human? No? But yes, I would say emotional
37:21
Speaker 1: well being be able to identify and communicate feelings and
37:25
Speaker 1: staying true to yourself, which kind of goes back to
37:27
Speaker 1: understanding like your feelings and who you are and what
37:30
Speaker 1: it is you want. I have a very non traditional path.
37:36
Speaker 1: I am, you know, Gangbusters Rachel Elizabeth Nix. I don't
37:42
Speaker 1: care what other people think about me. And it's not
37:46
Speaker 1: that I don't give a shit about people. It's I
37:51
Speaker 1: don't give a shit about their opinion because opinions are like,
37:54
Speaker 1: you know what, So if you're judging me, I know
37:58
Speaker 1: that actually has nothing to do with me and my path.
38:02
Speaker 1: That has everything to do with you and whether you're
38:05
Speaker 1: on the path you need to be.
38:06
Speaker 2: I'm curious when you think about being a mom, what
38:11
Speaker 2: does being a mom mean to you?
38:15
Speaker 1: It's not all that I am, but it's an opportunity
38:21
Speaker 1: to become better. My boys make me better. I have
38:30
Speaker 1: an opportunity to grow and make better choices every day,
38:34
Speaker 1: not just for them, but also for myself. They may
38:41
Speaker 1: they for damned sure, it made me a better business woman,
38:45
Speaker 1: which I always like to tell mothers. Go for your dreams.
38:49
Speaker 1: I'm completely a crazy person. I found a nonprofit, but
38:52
Speaker 1: go after your dreams. They're watching you. That's it. Love
38:57
Speaker 1: is it joy is it? It's like, you know, we
39:00
Speaker 1: live in this hashtag world. If I had to boil
39:04
Speaker 1: down what I do and how I get through my days,
39:07
Speaker 1: like I just make the choice to be joyful filled
39:10
Speaker 1: and filled with joy, and like just go after life
39:13
Speaker 1: and enjoy it and it's just more fun that way.
39:16
Speaker 2: Right now, you have an opportunity to offer the Rachel
39:21
Speaker 2: pre Samuel one piece of advice period. It could be
39:26
Speaker 2: about motherhood, it could be about whatever you want. What
39:30
Speaker 2: do you tell her?
39:36
Speaker 1: Stop worrying about boys so much? Ooh, I was so
39:39
Speaker 1: in love with love chow Uh Yeah, I mean I
39:44
Speaker 1: was tenacious about relationships because I knew I wanted to
39:47
Speaker 1: be a mom, But I gave men too much of
39:51
Speaker 1: my attention in my time.
39:53
Speaker 2: Wait, I've got to know how you settled on your husband,
39:56
Speaker 2: which is not how I thought that we would end
39:58
Speaker 2: up going here. But how did you know that your
40:02
Speaker 2: husband was the man that you wanted to both marry
40:04
Speaker 2: and be have babies?
40:05
Speaker 1: Meth Because I asked him on the first day, this
40:07
Speaker 1: is what I want. I was like, you're from Alabama,
40:09
Speaker 1: I'm not living there. Do you need to live there? Great? Okay,
40:12
Speaker 1: I want kids. This is who I am. You want
40:15
Speaker 1: kids great, you want to be married great? Like it
40:17
Speaker 1: was like eighty five questions on the first day, and
40:19
Speaker 1: we were aligned, and that was my That's the most
40:23
Speaker 1: important thing to me. You should be in a relationship
40:26
Speaker 1: because you want to be full stop. It needs to
40:31
Speaker 1: work for both people. It takes two. It ain't always easy.
40:34
Speaker 1: But this notion of like we just going to ride
40:38
Speaker 1: it out just because we signed a piece of paper, no,
40:41
Speaker 1: that you need to work harder than that. And so
40:45
Speaker 1: I don't believe in getting comfortable and it's okay to change.
40:50
Speaker 1: I think we put too much emphasis on something like
40:53
Speaker 1: lasting or working. People change jobs, people change cities, state.
40:59
Speaker 1: I mean, like things change. It doesn't make you a
41:02
Speaker 1: perfect person, a good person, a bad person. I think
41:05
Speaker 1: staying true to yourself and your partner is really important.
41:09
Speaker 3: But you don't need a man to be you absolutely beautiful.
41:13
Speaker 2: Way to close us out here, I'm so appreciative to
41:16
Speaker 2: your perspective, and I think just really the take home
41:19
Speaker 2: for me from this conversation is that, yes, like being
41:22
Speaker 2: a mother teaches you so many things, but ultimately a
41:26
Speaker 2: lot of the lessons that you've learned are helping you
41:28
Speaker 2: in every single aspect of your life, and they're those
41:32
Speaker 2: of strength and empathy and kindness and owning your value.
41:36
Speaker 3: And those are themes.
41:37
Speaker 2: Again, whether you're a mother or not, that are so
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Speaker 2: so important to walk with. Rachel, how do the hurdlers
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Speaker 2: keep up with you? How do they follow along with you?
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Speaker 2: Give me all your details?
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Speaker 1: Okay, so please follow me at Rachel E. Nix and
41:53
Speaker 1: please also follow at birth Queen Org. I would love, love,
41:56
Speaker 1: love your support as I embark on this journey to
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Speaker 1: save lives and empower women to thrive. There's a lot
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Speaker 1: of ways you can get involved. Also visit my website
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Speaker 1: birth Queen dot org. And I appreciate your time and
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Speaker 1: you listening. I feel very honored that you've asked me
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Speaker 1: to do this, even.
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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, well, I'm sure a lot of people
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Speaker 2: are super grateful for your time and all of your takeaways.
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Speaker 2: I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast another
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Speaker 2: Hurdle concord.
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Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.