Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Do Narcissists mean the horrible things they say to you when they are upset and raging out?

Transcript

Do Narcissists mean the horrible things they say to you when they are upset and raging out? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people, welcome to another
• 0:02
  episode of the Narcissist Code. I'm your favorite self aware
• 0:06
  narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock, better known as Mr. Hillness
• 0:09
  across all social media platforms.
• 0:11
  Today's episode y'all is going to be about do narcissists mean
• 0:15
  the things that they say when they are angry as hell at you?
• 0:18
  Do they mean that The stuff that they're coming out of their
• 0:21
  mouth when they're angry or whatever, y'all do they mean it?
• 0:25
  Do they mean that stuff? I know you.
• 0:27
  I know exactly what you're talking about.
• 0:28
  Y'all because so many people leave this comment or something
• 0:31
  very similar to it, just in my comment section, talking about
• 0:36
  asking this question. Like, hey, when do narcissists
• 0:38
  mean the things that they say when they are yelling and
• 0:41
  screaming? When they're angry?
• 0:42
  Do they mean that type of stuff When they're saying the evil
• 0:45
  stuff to me? When they're using your trauma
• 0:47
  against you, when they are weaponizing all the bad stuff
• 0:51
  that they've ever done to you? You know, do they mean that
• 0:54
  stuff? Yeah, y'all me being real.
• 0:57
  I'm a y'all. I'm a software narcissist and
• 0:59
  this is me keeping it hot with you.
• 1:00
  Do they mean it? Yeah, a lot of times they mean
• 1:03
  it. Most of them mean the stuff that
• 1:05
  they say. Because a lot of this stuff
• 1:07
  might be the stuff that the mean stuff that they say to you when
• 1:11
  they're angry at you, when they're yelling at you and
• 1:12
  screaming at you. The mean stuff that they're
• 1:14
  saying to you, It's old stuff that you've told them.
• 1:18
  This is their real thoughts. Their real thoughts about old
• 1:22
  situations are coming up right now in the moment because
• 1:25
  they're angry and they feel like they're they might be losing an
• 1:27
  argument that you might be trying to hold them accountable
• 1:30
  for something. You might be saying this or
• 1:31
  doing this, and they might be right here trying to go about it
• 1:35
  in a different way. So do they mean that stuff?
• 1:37
  Yeah, Y'all they do mean it. They mean it.
• 1:40
  And I just, I know people are like, oh, that hurt my heart.
• 1:42
  That breaks my heart. Did they mean this?
• 1:44
  They mean this stuff that they say to me that I deserve that
• 1:48
  for this to happen to me. That I deserve for that to
• 1:50
  happen to me. They're like it was it was my
• 1:53
  fault that this happened to me. It hurts me, Lee, that they to
• 1:55
  know that yeah, I'll say this right here, just because they
• 1:59
  mean it doesn't make it true. It doesn't.
• 2:04
  Just because they mean the stuff that they say does not make it
• 2:08
  true. Yeah, because they make say mean
• 2:11
  things to you doesn't make it true.
• 2:13
  You deserve to get hit by the car.
• 2:15
  You deserve for your dad to walk on a You deserve for your mom to
• 2:18
  beat your ass when you was little.
• 2:19
  You think that you Does that make it true that you deserve
• 2:21
  that to get beat when you were four or five years old?
• 2:24
  When you were a toddler? Trying to understand the world,
• 2:26
  Trying to understand what the hell that chirping sound is
• 2:28
  outside the window. Get out of the window sill.
• 2:31
  You deserve that. Does that make it true?
• 2:35
  Because they say some mean stuff to you.
• 2:37
  Do you? Do you think you deserve that?
• 2:39
  No. Believe they're so convincing
• 2:41
  when they say that. I don't care if they're
• 2:42
  convincing when they say it. It still does not make it true.
• 2:47
  Hurt. I know people say hurt people,
• 2:49
  hurt people. That's true to an extent.
• 2:51
  But Ben Taylor, Raw motivation. I know.
• 2:53
  I keep shouting him out. He said something beautiful.
• 2:55
  He said it hurt people, Don't it?
• 2:56
  Hurt people. You hurt people, Yes.
• 2:58
  But most times it's unhealed people that hurt people,
• 3:01
  unhealed people that are going that have not processed their
• 3:04
  own hurt their own trauma or hurt people.
• 3:07
  So if I'm if I'm unhealed as a narcissistic person, right, as a
• 3:10
  narcissist, If I'm unhealed as a narcissist, right.
• 3:13
  And I have a lot of trauma, I have a lot of trauma build up
• 3:15
  into me and I'm angry at you, who am I going to take it out
• 3:19
  on? Matter of fact, matter of fact,
• 3:22
  I don't even have to be angry at you.
• 3:25
  I don't even have to be angry at you.
• 3:27
  I can be angry at a lot of different people.
• 3:29
  I don't even have to be angry with you, right?
• 3:33
  I don't have to be. I can be angry at a ton of
• 3:36
  different people. But because it's me and you
• 3:39
  right here, because you and I are here together, you become a
• 3:42
  target. You know, because you and I are
• 3:45
  here together, coexisting, trying to live our lives.
• 3:47
  You become a target because you're the closest person to me.
• 3:50
  I don't. I'm not even angry at you.
• 3:53
  But now, now me and you are arguing something that happened
• 3:56
  to me in my childhood or something that happened to me a
• 3:58
  couple of months ago or a couple years ago that I have not dealt
• 4:00
  with. I'm angry because I didn't
• 4:03
  handle that. I didn't deal with.
• 4:04
  So it comes out on you. So yeah, I might say mean things
• 4:09
  and I might mean those horrible things that I say to you, but it
• 4:12
  does not make it true. That's why I just say, like, one
• 4:16
  of the best tactics that you can use against a narcissist.
• 4:20
  And yeah, let me preface this, this is easier said than done.
• 4:24
  It's way easier for me to say this than it is to implement
• 4:27
  this. Let's keep it high.
• 4:28
  One of the main things, the easiest thing, well, not easiest
• 4:31
  thing. One of the things, the best
• 4:32
  things you can do when you're dealing with a narcissistic
• 4:34
  person is to not take things personally.
• 4:39
  Because a lot of the stuff that they say out their mouth is
• 4:41
  actually how they feel about themselves.
• 4:43
  And it's not, it's not really directed for you.
• 4:46
  It's not really meant for you. They're hurting.
• 4:48
  They're angry. They're mad as hell is something
• 4:50
  else they make. They could be mad at you because
• 4:52
  guess what? You found out that they were
• 4:54
  cheating on you. You found out that they were.
• 4:57
  You found out that they were spending a ton of money and what
• 5:00
  not. You found out that they were
• 5:02
  doing a lot of you. You found out they were still
• 5:04
  gambling. You found out they were still
• 5:05
  doing drinking behind your back even though they said they said
• 5:07
  they stopped. You found out they were still
• 5:09
  smoking, doing doing good, whatever it was, you found all
• 5:12
  this stuff out. So now they're angry at you
• 5:14
  because you found out. So now they're going to say, oh,
• 5:15
  that's when your mom used to hit you.
• 5:17
  Because you look how snoopy you are.
• 5:19
  Your mom used to hit you, so you deserve that.
• 5:21
  You deserved it because you can. You invade people's privacy.
• 5:23
  I see why your dad left and never came back.
• 5:26
  Because you did this. I see why your uncle did that to
• 5:28
  you. I see what your aunt did.
• 5:29
  You see what I'm saying? They'll say some horrible stuff
• 5:31
  to you. Your trauma is on.
• 5:33
  Like your trauma is not off. Off limits.
• 5:35
  It is not on limits. It's now.
• 5:37
  Like your trauma is now is on the table.
• 5:41
  It's on the table to be openly weaponized against you.
• 5:44
  Because my feelings are hurt. How stupid does that sound?
• 5:47
  Y'all your now because my feelings are hurt.
• 5:50
  Your trauma is now on the table to be used against you.
• 5:54
  How ignorant is that? Y'all again?
• 5:56
  How ignorant is it because my feelings are hurt Because I'm
• 5:58
  hurting? How ignorant is that?
• 6:02
  How How small is that? Because my feelings are hurt.
• 6:05
  Now your trauma is now your trauma is on the table for me to
• 6:08
  use against you. It sounds silly as hell, doesn't
• 6:10
  it? Because it is y'all.
• 6:12
  And I can say that because I've said some harmful stuff to
• 6:14
  people in the moment and I meant that now.
• 6:17
  This is why I can tell y'all that I meant the stuff that I
• 6:20
  was saying I did. I meant it in that moment.
• 6:22
  Yeah, hell yeah, I meant it. I meant it in that moment.
• 6:25
  But this is the mindset of a lot of narcissists that people like.
• 6:28
  Once they get caught up, once they get caught up, once they
• 6:31
  say it, they have to, they once they say it, the shame will not
• 6:35
  let them, will not let them take it back.
• 6:38
  Most narcissists, once they say something, the shame will not
• 6:42
  let them take it, will not let them take it back.
• 6:44
  I can't apologize to you because now I'm ashamed.
• 6:47
  I have so much shame built up in me that I cannot take it back.
• 6:51
  You know I can't. I have so much shame and anger
• 6:55
  built up in me that I cannot take it back because it's going
• 6:59
  to add more shame to me. And then I'll get angry.
• 7:01
  And then I have to say worse things to you to get rid of the
• 7:03
  shame. I'm afraid of shame, The
• 7:06
  narcissist's biggest fear. Shame seems simplistic, doesn't
• 7:09
  it? Well, well, why do they do
• 7:11
  shameful things, Lee? Because, yeah, they it's not.
• 7:13
  A lot of narcissists are impulsive.
• 7:14
  A lot of narcissists don't think they'll get caught.
• 7:16
  A lot of narcissists don't think they're the shame will ever come
• 7:19
  to the table, will ever come to the service.
• 7:21
  A lot of narcissists are impulsive and think that they
• 7:23
  are smarter than everybody else. So they think what they do in
• 7:26
  the dark will stay in the dark. So when it comes to the light,
• 7:29
  the shame, when it comes to the light, the shame comes in.
• 7:32
  You know, that's what a lot of people don't understand when you
• 7:36
  deal with narcissistic people. Y'all this is part of it.
• 7:38
  Y'all this is part of the journey.
• 7:39
  This is part of the struggle. Right here it is.
• 7:43
  So when they say something horrible to you, y'all just,
• 7:46
  yeah, it's going to hurt your feelings.
• 7:47
  I know it's going to hurt. Because if if you don't react to
• 7:51
  what they say to you, they'll say something, they'll say
• 7:54
  something, they'll say something else horrible, they'll say
• 7:56
  something more horrible. Oh, you're going to say nothing.
• 7:58
  Bam, strike two. Oh, you're not going to say
• 8:01
  nothing else. Bam, strike three.
• 8:02
  They're going to be. It's like they're lobbing bombs
• 8:05
  at you to hurt you. If this bomb didn't blow your
• 8:08
  limbs off, here comes another one.
• 8:09
  You see what I'm saying? They're going to keep doing this
• 8:11
  type of stuff because they want their reaction.
• 8:13
  They crave that reaction from you.
• 8:15
  They need that reaction from you.
• 8:17
  So they'll keep doing things like this because they know it's
• 8:19
  going to get a reaction. They know it's going to get a
• 8:22
  reaction from you. They do.
• 8:24
  They want a reaction. They want because they know if
• 8:27
  they say mean things to you, whatever the original point was,
• 8:31
  it throws you off the point. Now we're not talking about my
• 8:34
  infidelity now. We're not talking about my drug
• 8:36
  problem now we're talking about why did I say this about your
• 8:40
  cousin that was kidnapped? Why did I say this about your
• 8:44
  dad who lost his job? Why do you see what I'm saying?
• 8:47
  Why did I say this? So now the original, original
• 8:50
  topic is gone. The original point that we were
• 8:53
  talking about is now gone. Now I've muddied the water.
• 8:56
  Now I've muddied the waters enough to make it go away, to do
• 9:01
  it like that. I've muddied the waters enough
• 9:04
  to make it happen like that, you know, That's why I tell people
• 9:08
  so much. I I want, I want so many people
• 9:10
  to understand that we're narcissistic.
• 9:11
  People are out here doing this type of stuff.
• 9:14
  Like, yeah, they're going to say mean things to you, But if you
• 9:16
  peel back the layers, there's something behind it.
• 9:19
  There's always something behind it.
• 9:21
  There's always something behind it.
• 9:22
  There's a reason behind it that they don't want you to discover.
• 9:24
  They don't want to hurt your feelings because they're hurt
• 9:26
  because they they themselves, their feelings are hurt, They're
• 9:28
  embarrassed or whatever, or they want to throw you off the point.
• 9:32
  They don't want you to stay focused on the original point.
• 9:35
  So they'll say something horrible to you.
• 9:36
  So now you're now you're unfocused.
• 9:38
  You see, now you're unfocused. Now this stuff is going on,
• 9:41
  like, so it gets into that space where you have to keep doing
• 9:44
  this type of stuff. Y'all you have to keep
• 9:45
  empowering yourself, because the more you empower yourself to not
• 9:49
  give them the reactions that they want, the more their words
• 9:52
  don't hurt anymore. Like, they they they they're
• 9:54
  going to keep trying. They're probably going to keep
• 9:55
  trying to hurt your feeling because that's how a lot of
• 9:57
  narcissists are built. I want to hurt your feelings
• 9:59
  because my feelings are hurt. I want to embarrass you because
• 10:02
  I'm embarrassed. You know what I mean?
• 10:03
  That's going to happen quite a bit, Y'all.
• 10:05
  It's just one of those things that's going to continue to
• 10:07
  happen and one of those things that's going to continue to mess
• 10:09
  with your head. It's just it just, that's how it
• 10:11
  goes, you know? That really is how it goes.
• 10:14
  So you have to keep empowering yourself.
• 10:16
  Even if they say mean things, just think about it.
• 10:18
  It's just like, what are they? What are they trying to cover up
• 10:21
  later on? Because right in the moment it's
• 10:22
  hard. If you could think about it in
• 10:24
  the moment, what are they trying to cover up?
• 10:25
  Think about it in the moment. But later on, when you get a
• 10:28
  chance, like what? What?
• 10:29
  What actually are you? What actually, what were we,
• 10:31
  what we what were we talking about originally?
• 10:34
  They got us there. And then also, what are you
• 10:37
  trying to what are you trying to what are you trying to cover up?
• 10:39
  Because they're trying to cover something up.
• 10:40
  Y'all they don't want you to discover.
• 10:43
  This can be as simple as that. Do they mean the things that
• 10:45
  they say? Yeah, they mean it, but it
• 10:47
  doesn't make it true. They typically say these mean
• 10:49
  things. They try to distract you.
• 10:50
  This is diversion. It's like, look over here, look
• 10:52
  over here. Look over here.
• 10:53
  You look over there. You see?
• 10:55
  You forget now you don't. Now you now you're unfocused on
• 10:57
  what's going on over here. It's a mental thing.
• 11:00
  Y'all it really is a mental, mental, mental thing.
• 11:04
  So you have to protect your peace, you have to protect
• 11:06
  yourself, and you have to be as strong as you possibly can.
• 11:08
  So be safe. Take care of yourself.
• 11:10
  Y'all. And of course, if you haven't
• 11:12
  already, y'all. Hop over to hop over to Amazon,
• 11:15
  check out our new book. Remember, it's not your fault.
• 11:18
  It's a kids book to help you have those conversations with
• 11:20
  your children about growth, about telling them the truth,
• 11:23
  about boundaries, about abuse and things of that nature.
• 11:25
  Y'all it's called. Remember, it's not your fault if
• 11:27
  you already got the book. Let's get the five stars on the
• 11:29
  phone. Get this good review.
• 11:30
  Y'all we appreciate every single person.
• 11:31
  Every single one of y'all. Yeah, seriously.
• 11:33
  Thank you. So thankful for y'all like and
• 11:35
  subscribe for more. As always, y'all mental
• 11:37
  illnesses out. Peace.
• 11:38
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:41
  Y'all. If you didn't know, we wrote a
• 11:42
  kids book called Remember, It's Not Your fault.
• 11:45
  To help kids understand that they are not in control of
• 11:48
  whatever circumstances they were born into.
• 11:50
  Talk about boundaries, telling the truth, all of that stuff.
• 11:53
  Y'all. It's available on Amazon right
• 11:55
  now or the link in my description of every single
• 11:57
  video or podcast that you listen to.
• 11:59
  Thank you so much. Remember, it's not your fault.
• 12:01
  Peace.