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How Do I Teach My Kids About Money So They Don't Repeat My Mistakes? · Becoming Financially Confident

• 0:37
  You learned about money the hard way, through mistakes, through stress, and through lessons you wish someone had taught you sooner.
• 0:45
  And now you're watching your kids and you're thinking, not them.
• 0:49
  Not if I can help it.
• 0:51
  But the good news is the most powerful money teacher your kids will ever have is already in the house.
• 0:59
  It's you.
• 1:00
  So today, let's make that count.
• 1:02
  And you don't need to be a financial expert to raise money.
• 1:05
  Smart kids, the lessons that stick aren't the ones that you lecture them about.
• 1:12
  So stay with me today and let's set them up to do better than we ever did.
• 1:25
  Hello and welcome to Financially Confident Christian.
• 1:28
  I'm your guide, Ralph Estep Jr.
• 1:30
  And I just want to thank you for giving me a little bit of your time today.
• 1:33
  Today we're going to talk about teaching your kids about money so they don't inherit the mistakes that you and I have made.
• 1:40
  We got a listener question.
• 1:41
  Who has made mistakes and they learn the hard way, but they want better for their kids, but they're not sure exactly how to teach it.
• 1:51
  And I just love this question because I think all of us want to give our kids what we never got.
• 1:58
  And this is one of the most loving instincts there is.
• 2:02
  And if you've got a question for this show, I'd love to talk about it on the show.
• 2:05
  You can send it to me by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question We'll put a link in the show notes, but again, that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question Well, let's get right to today's listener question.
• 2:22
  Listener writes this hi Ralph.
• 2:23
  I have three kids age 7 to 14 and and I really don't want them to struggle with money the way I have.
• 2:31
  I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s.
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  Credit card debt, no savings, no clue about how any of it worked because nobody ever taught me.
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  And I'm still cleaning up some of it today.
• 2:44
  I want better for them, but here's my hang up.
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  I don't feel like I'm an expert.
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  I'm still figuring this out myself.
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  And it feels almost hypocritical to teach them when I'm not perfect at it.
• 2:57
  I also don't want to just lecture them and have it go in one ear and out the other.
• 3:01
  Ralph how do I actually teach my kids about money in a way that sticks, but bigger than that, how do I do it when I'm still learning, too?
• 3:13
  Thank you.
• 3:15
  What a wonderful question.
• 3:18
  And I want to tell you a little secret from the Beginning.
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  It's okay that you're still learning it, too.
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  You don't have to be perfect to love your kids.
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  You can teach them lessons by the way you raise them.
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  Because I already know one thing about you.
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  You're asking the right questions.
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  And kids learn from what you model them, not what you lecture them.
• 3:42
  So let's make you the teacher today, and they'll thank you later.
• 3:47
  But how do we do that?
• 3:48
  Let's get real practical today.
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  The first thing you've got to do is you got to let them see you learning.
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  One of the things you talked about is, I've made these mistakes.
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  That is the best ground for them to learn on.
• 4:01
  You don't have to be an expert.
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  You can be honest and still growing.
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  Let them see you budget.
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  Let them see you save.
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  Let them see you correct those mistakes.
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  Those things are going to be perfection every single day.
• 4:18
  Now, you got to be careful about this.
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  Make sure it's age appropriate.
• 4:22
  Admit past mistakes when they understand what you're asking.
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  Talk about what you've learned, because those things are powerful.
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  And that's not being hypocritical.
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  Listen, they need a real teacher.
• 4:33
  Real teachers make mistakes.
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  Real teachers are not flawless.
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  Your growth is the lesson they need to hear.
• 4:43
  You don't have to be perfect with money.
• 4:45
  You just have to be honest about it.
• 4:48
  But now one of the other practical things you can do is give them money to manage.
• 4:52
  I can still remember as a kid, I used to love this exercise.
• 4:55
  My mom would sit us at the kitchen table and she'd bring out a bunch of change and she would show us, well, this is a dime, and this is a nickel, and this is a quarter, and this is
• 5:03
  a penny.
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  Kids love to learn by handling money.
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  Just don't sit there and yak about it.
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  Give them money to handle, give them an allowance or pay them for their chores.
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  But then as part of that, have them make real choices and let them feel the sting of spending it all and realizing they don't have anything left.
• 5:24
  But show them also the pride of saving.
• 5:27
  The people I talked to the other day, she says, I have a teenage son.
• 5:30
  She goes, ralph, I want him to make those mistakes now because they're small mistakes with small dollars.
• 5:37
  And that prevents those big mistakes from happening later.
• 5:41
  Experience is the teacher lectures can't replace.
• 5:46
  So let them make small money mistakes now while the stakes are still small.
• 5:52
  Now, one more practical thing I think you got to do is you got to teach the three jobs of every dollar.
• 5:57
  If you've listened to me, you know, I believe in giving every dollar a job, but when the kids are real young, I think you can do it into three buckets.
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  Give every dollar one of three things.
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  Give, save, or spend.
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  Now, when these are toddlers.
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  Yes, toddlers, you can give them three jars.
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  Give, save, and spend.
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  And then show them.
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  Put coins into those things.
• 6:21
  You can do it with envelopes, you can do accounts, but make it visible and make it concrete.
• 6:27
  The money comes in, they divide it up.
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  They put a little bit in the give jar, a little bit in the save jar, and.
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  And a little bit in the spin jar.
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  Now, you notice intentionally, I started with the word give.
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  We'll build on that in the future.
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  But I want you to build that generosity from the beginning.
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  Build that patience and build that enjoyment all at once.
• 6:48
  This is something that's simple and it's so easy to repeat.
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  It doesn't have to be complex or forgotten.
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  They will remember these jars for the rest of their lives.
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  Give, save, spend.
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  Teach them that every dollar has a job.
• 7:04
  Now, another thing you can do is use everyday moments as lessons.
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  You said you didn't want to have lectures.
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  Well, I don't want lectures either.
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  The best lessons aren't scheduled lectures.
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  They're ordinary moments.
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  Like, for example, let's say you're at the store and you want to buy something at the store.
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  You can show them how to compare prices.
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  You can say to them, hey, you know what?
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  This is one of those things maybe we got to wait for.
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  Let older kids see a bill paid or a budget made.
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  Let them look at your budget.
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  Here's what we said we were going to spend, and here's what we actually spent.
• 7:37
  One of the things I love parents do is they narrate their own decisions out loud.
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  Talk through that with your children, but now just don't burden them with it.
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  But when you do that, money becomes normal.
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  It's not scary anymore.
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  It's the everyday conversation that they hear.
• 7:55
  I'm going to say something kind of silly here, but the grocery store is a better classroom than any lecture could ever be.
• 8:01
  But I want to say one more thing, and that's match the lesson to their age.
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  So many parents burden young kids with stuff they don't need to be burdened with.
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  You said you have kids from age 7 to 14.
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  For those younger kids, I love coins and saving jars.
• 8:17
  Maybe you say to them, you really want that toy?
• 8:19
  Well, you've got to wait.
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  You got to put that money in that savings jar.
• 8:23
  As kids get a little bit older, maybe your middle Children start giving them allowance, give them some budgeting tools and help them to save for a goal.
• 8:31
  And then once they reach those teen years.
• 8:33
  Yes, go out and get them a bank account.
• 8:35
  Explain to them the dangers of debt as they get that first job.
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  Explain to them how they need to give every dollar job so you can see how that earnings build those lessons up as they grow.
• 8:47
  Kind of like grades in school.
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  And by the time they leave home, they'll have years of practice that you never got.
• 8:55
  So teach them in layers and they'll leave home with what you had to learn the hard way.
• 9:00
  Now I want to dig a little deeper because you said something that kind of struck me.
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  You called it hypocritical to teach what you're still learning.
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  I call it something else.
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  It's faithful parenting.
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  Every good parent passes on wisdom.
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  They're still growing into themselves.
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  I'm still doing that to this day.
• 9:19
  I'm 53 years old and I'm still learning.
• 9:21
  And I'm sharing that with my boys who are adults now.
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  Now here's the thing that faith doesn't promise us.
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  It doesn't promise your kids never make money mistakes.
• 9:32
  Your kids are going to make money mistakes because guess what?
• 9:34
  You've made money mistakes.
• 9:36
  It doesn't promise they're going to listen perfectly.
• 9:38
  You could be the best teacher and they might still do things wrong.
• 9:44
  And it doesn't promise that you're going to teach it flawlessly, but you still got to do it.
• 9:50
  But here's what faith does promise us.
• 9:53
  The seeds of wisdom you're planting right now in your children.
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  And hear me on this.
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  They are going to bear fruit long after they've left your table.
• 10:02
  The Bible says it very clearly.
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  Train up a child in the way that he should go and he won't depart from it.
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  And training isn't some one time lecture.
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  It's a daily patient modeling that you're already doing.
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  Right now.
• 10:15
  You're planting those seeds and you might not see those seeds bloom until adulthood.
• 10:20
  That's the coolest thing I see with my kids.
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  Sometimes I think about those seeds that I planted and I see them start to grow.
• 10:26
  Now God has entrusted these kids to you and he's going to honor your faithfulness.
• 10:33
  So teach them as you learn, plant the seeds patiently and trust God with the harvest in their lives.
• 10:41
  You're not a hypocrite for teaching while you're still learning.
• 10:43
  You're just being a faithful parent.
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  And the fact that you care this much means that your kids are already ahead.
• 10:50
  Because you're breaking a pattern and you're planning something better.
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  So here's your win for today.
• 10:55
  I want you to go ahead and set up those Give, Save, Spend system with your kids this weekend.
• 11:00
  Grab three jars or envelopes, whatever's easier for you, and label them.
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  Give, save and spend and explain.
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  Every dollar they get gets divided among those three things.
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  If there's only three jars, they've only got three choices.
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  And then start with their next allowance or maybe the next time they get a birthday gift or something like that.
• 11:19
  You're not trying to teach everything today.
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  Just make one habit visible and real.
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  And remember this, kids remember what they do, not what they're told.
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  Which leads us right to today's Bible verse I've kind of already mentioned.
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  It's Proverbs 22, verse 6.
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  It says, Direct your children unto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
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  This is the promise behind every money lesson you teach.
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  That direction now shapes the path they'll walk as adults.
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  It's not just this week's allowance.
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  You're setting a lifelong trajectory for them.
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  The training you're giving today is an investment that I'm telling you is going to outlive you.
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  Let's pray together right now.
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  Heavenly Father, I bring before you a parent who wants to give their children the wisdom they never received.
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  And Lord, right now they're worried that they're not qualified.
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  But you and I both know that their heart is full of love, Lord.
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  So I would just ask that you would equip them right where they are, Lord.
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  Give them patience to teach through everyday moments and to model honestly and help their children grow, not some false sense of perfection.
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  Help them to plant those seeds of generosity and those seeds of saving, Lord.
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  And those seeds of wisdom deep into their children and break any pattern of money struggle before it reaches the next generation.
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  Let the lessons taught now bear fruit for a lifetime to come.
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  And we ask this in Jesus name, Amen.
• 12:54
  Now, you came in today feeling unqualified, but you're leaving knowing you're already the best teacher they have.
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  You don't have to be perfect.
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  You just need to be honest.
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  You need to be intentional and you need to be present.
• 13:08
  So here's my takeaways for today.
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  Let them see you learning.
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  Give them money to manage.
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  Teach them that give, save, spend.
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  Use those everyday moments.
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  Match the lessons to their age.
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  And if you're dealing with a financial situation or you want a little guidance, I love to hear from you.
• 13:26
  You can send me a voicemail by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail we'll put a link in the show notes, but again, that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail thank you for joining me today as I always encourage you stay financially savvy out there.
• 13:44
  May God bless you and you have a truly great day.
• 14:05
  We.